One very common “program” is the “Don’t Rock the Boat” rule. This means that no matter what, family members either act like a dysfunction isn’t there, or try to “sweep it under the rug.” For example, a family with an alcoholic mother may never talk about the subject and may even step over her and keep walking if she was passed out on the floor.

Another common “program” is the, “Everything is Fine” rule. With this belief in place, each member of the family puts on “masks” when they have to interact with other people. For example, the mother and father could be going through an ugly divorce, but the children are all smiles and act as if everything is great. The parents do the same thing when in public.

What these programs have in common is untruth. These families don’t want to express their pain and dysfunction, so they never give themselves a chance to work through their problems. When they get to my office, they can be holding a lot of anger towards their parents, children, siblings or other family members. These folks have a choice: anger or forgiveness. As Kambri Crews, author of Burn Down the Ground says, “Forgiving others and making peace with the cards you have been dealt is within all of us. Generally speaking, people aren’t purely evil or good. Life is much more complicated than that. ” Well said, Ms. Crews.

However, I decided not to let Caty Catastrophe (as I fondly call her) deter me.  Instead, I told her that the danger was unproven, to have a snack, take a nap,  and I’d (my observing “wizard” self) look out for the two of us. Fortunately, with years of meditation and now mindfulness, she obliged and I left with 7 other brave companions to see what lie ahead.

As we entered the sweat lodge, I wondered if Caty might be right. Unbeknownst to me, we would be there for 45 minutes with the heat increasing four levels. While the shaman (surname Debbie) spoke calmly about the Mayan creation myth, I doused myself with the bowl of water being passed around, certain I wouldn’t make it to level 3.

Then the magic happened. I noticed myself settling down and listening attentively to what Debbie was said. I was still sweating profusely but it didn’t feel unbearable. At the start, she’d mentioned that if we got uncomfortable it would be cooler to sit or lie on the thatched mats which covered the floor. At level 3, I sat down and was chanting vigorously. By level four, I was lieing down in corpse position, a yoga pose, and actually felt cool.

Next we left the lodge to enter a ritual spring. It was invigorating and soothing. I felt triumphant. Free of my fears and worries. Discovering once again, that trusting my “inner wizard” (wiser/higher self) is definitely the way to go!

What are your “lizard” fears stopping you from? How can you take one small step this week to let your “wizard” self guide you instead?

The film suggested that some schools and families started worrying about getting into a good college as early as first grade! And in order to do that, the student must have spectacular grades, many extracurricular activities, student clubs and community service projects. You may be aware of how much time you’re spending in the car or working on homework with your kids, but have you noticed that their stress levels are sometimes fueled by us, as parents?

Whether you work or stay at home, you have a full-time job. You’re already stressed enough. The film pointed out that time spent doing homework has increased from 1 – 2 hours per night prior to 6^th grade to 4 – 6 hours between grades 6 – 12. They also pointed out that after 1 – 2 hours, the correlation between amount of homework and academic achievement is zero.

Are We Running Our Kids Ragged?

Step back from your kids for a minute. No, you can’t directly control how much homework they have, but you do have a say in what clubs, extracurriculars and community projects they are involved in. Do you see anything that can be dropped from their schedules? Are they in some activity because they “should” instead of because they “want to”? If so, I challenge you to talk with your student about paring down his or her daily schedule. Not only will their stress levels go down, but so will yours. And self-care for the entire family will go up!

Peace!
Stacey

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to visit a shaman and participate in a sweat lodge where you literally sweat out physical and mental stress but never had the opportunity. While on vacation, one of the excursions went to do just that. How lucky can one gal get?

Instead of excitement though, my “lizard”started sounding the alarm. “Danger. Danger. Danger. Don’t go. You won’t last and then you’ll humiliate yourself when you have to leave. Worst than that, you could pass out. Even worse, you could have a heart attack in a remote part of the jungle and not leave alive.” You get the picture.

However, I’ve been practicing meditation for the last five years, and mindfulness more recently, and my “wizard”/observing self was able to recognize that my fearful thoughts were unfounded or at least unproven. So, I decided to go to the sweat lodge with the shaman and discover for myself what would happen. Tune in next Monday to find out what I learned.

This week, be mindful of when your “inner lizard” is running the show and as Beck describes your “Top 10 Tunes” of fear and worry. Write them down on a piece of paper and notice when they occur. Then name your lizard so you can learn to tame it. Let us know what you come up with.

Nutrition tips from: http://nutshellnutrition.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/national-nutrition-month-make-a-rainbow-on-your-plate/

“National Nutrition Month :: Make a Rainbow on Your Plate

March is National Nutrition Month, a campaign sponsored by the American Dietetic Association to promote nutrition education; this year’s theme is Eat Right with Color.

The movie got me thinking about the masks we wear for others, and sometimes, even for ourselves. Fans of meditation will tell you that you truly do not know yourself until you have gone deep within and faced whatever demons lie in wait for you there. Thomas Moore called it, “The dark night of the soul.” You, the hero or heroine, then emerge all shiny and new and genuine.

I’m not sure how many methods there are to meeting your True Self; besides meditation, I’ve used imagery and yoga. My max time in sitting meditation has been maybe 5 minutes, so you see the problem there. But the movie renewed a strong desire in me to really find out who I am…me…not my job, my masks or the many hats I wear…ME.

What a great way to renew your spirit this Spring – to finally meet The Real You! At the very least, you’ll be amazed at just how many masks you do wear for others as well as yourself. And when you get some quiet, alone time, can you sit in silence, just with your breathing keeping you company? Or do you need the TV or radio on, or do you have to be reading something, keeping your mind in “escape mode?” We constantly distract ourselves from ourselves and don’t even realize it!

TRYING to meditate!

So give it a try! Leave a comment if you’re a veteran meditator or let me know how it’s going if you’re going to give one (or more!) of these methods a try!

I saw a client this morning who realized just how much of his belief system as an adult was shaped by his childhood. As these core beliefs emerge from the recesses of his mind, he chooses the ones that he deems healthy to hang onto and is working on changing the rest. In essence, he is “spring cleaning” his spirit.

So much of our core belief structure has been in place for so long that it generates automatic thoughts and judgments about a large variety of subjects. My client was able to isolate the thought that, “Overweight means lazy, having no direction and being a general loser at life.” As he is trying to lose a few pounds, he unconsciously identified with this statement and let it affect his self-esteem in a big, bad way. So, the first step of the process is to identify your core beliefs by paying attention to your thoughts.

Next, he defined “in shape” as, “Someone who is motivated, has sharp focus and is working toward concrete goals.” Does his definition match what’s in Webster’s Dictionary? No, it doesn’t. But by making his own definition, my client gained control over this area of his life. Each time he looks in the mirror, he reminds himself that he is mentally and emotionally “in shape,” and will soon be physically fit as well. This second step is to modify existing beliefs into something healthier.

The last step is to practice saying your new, healthy core beliefs to yourself as many times per day as you can. Like learning anything new, this skill requires repetition to make these beliefs into healthier automatic thoughts.

How many unhealthy core beliefs can you identify in yourself? Some may still serve you, but modifying and practicing the ones that don’t will allow you to overcome many obstacles in your life.

Spring Break was designed to give students and teachers a rest from the rigors of the second half of the school year. Families sometimes take advantage of this time to go on trips and spend time together. But do we really do what we want to over the Break or are we too focused on doing what others are doing?

“Maria’s family is going to Disneyland,” my daughter reported one year after I told her we had no plans for Spring Break. I felt a twinge of guilt (synonym for mother) and inferiority when I thought about what Maria’s parents had planned for their family trip. In fact, most of my daughter’s friends were going out of town for at least part of the week. We were staying home, much to my kiddo’s chagrin.

When the week was over, Maria’s mom came by. I noticed the bags under her eyes and her eyelids at half-mast as she described their “incredibly fun” trip. “So, you’d recommend that we go some time?” I asked as she got up to leave. She stopped, turned to look directly at me and said, “I’d recommend that you do what you want to do. ‘Cuz doing what everybody else wants to do sucks.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself! This Spring Break, ask yourself what it is that YOU want and need. Maybe it is a trip to Disneyland, but chances are, you and your family need a little rest and relaxation. And no matter how fun an amusement park is, it promotes anything but rest. The idea is to return to school and work feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, so give yourself a Break and make it happen!

Paul Simon in a song said, “Seasons change with the scenery, weaving time in a tapestry…” Our lives are complex and at times complicated. Do we give ourselves the chance to start anew? How much do we care about what we’re going through at any given moment?

Logically, we all care on some level. That’s what self-care is all about. It’s more than getting a massage, being nice to yourself, or getting yourself flowers. Don’t get me wrong, that’s all great stuff, but we need to do more for ourselves, each other, and in our community.

The most common phrase we hear from other women (including ourselves) is, “I don’t have time to…” Why don’t we? What is the real reason? What prevents us from embracing inner peace, health and wellness, or achieving success?

More often than not it’s fear and doubt. This pair is among the top killers of innovation, success, and happiness. This spring, clobber the dirty duo and engage with your inner you, take charge and reset!

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere website for info and support for pregnant and new moms.

Author Rory Cochrane once said, “I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do.” So whether you’re thinking of something you wish you hadn’t done or maybe something you wish you had, regret can function as a guide for present-moment decisions. And all we have is the gift of right now – that’s why it’s called the “present.”

Personally, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I’m one of those people that believe that everything happens for a reason, so what is there to regret? The Cochrane quote really had a big impact on me the first time I read it. I have been an anxious person most of my life, and was allowing the fear to make my world smaller and smaller. Reading that quote made something “click” in my head and helped me say “yes” to things that I wanted to do but usually would have said “no” to out of fear of the unknown.

Are there things that you regret? Perhaps there’s a person that you’d like to reconnect with or a situation that you can correct. Today is the first day of March. While Spring doesn’t officially start until the 20^th, why not start anew today? Fix the things you can and work on letting go of the things you can’t. Regret, like guilt, can be an excellent motivator, but hanging onto it too long is just a waste of precious energy.