Marlins reserve catcher Matt Treanor must not be doing something right (besides hitting) because his wife and professional volleyball player Misty May is going around asking the President of the United States for slaps on the ass, in front of cameras no less.

I learned my lesson the hard way when I found out one of the Marlins Manatees was trying to “hook-up” with Tatiana through her MySpace account. Let’s just say I have “locked it down” since then.

No such offers from any Marlins Mermaids for Mario Alejandro’s services, yet!

How am I supposed to pay any attention whatsoever to whatever it was Kevin Burkhardt was blabbering about during last night’s game with this in the background?

I want to pay attention, I’m sure Kevin’s conversations with Jerry Manuel were very deep and profound but I just have this one vision dancing through my head every time they would cut back to him in this segment, I think it went a little something like this:

Some quick research finds out that this is one of the lovely and talented Marlins “Mermaids”, by the name of Glenda. Thanks to their totally kick-ass interactive site, we can find out that Glenda, who terms her fashion sense as “Classy Trendy” also “would describe myself as unique, adventurous, and ambitious.” Sounds spunky!

I know that I would pay much attention to Kevin whenever he speaks if SNY made this a trend…It certainly makes watching the Mets more interesting that’s for sure.

Join us below the jump for a couple more shots of the delightfully fun Glenda, or check out her gallery here.

For the first time in five attempts this season, Andrew Miller has won a baseball game for the Florida Marlins. His previous poor outings had ravaged his hobby hype so much that his autographs were going for $5-$8 a piece on eBay and usually no higher. I am not like other fans who enjoy being able to pick up a cheap cards when a player’s numbers go down, though. I’d rather see Miller live up to the potential he has and have his cards skyrocket again even if that means I can’t afford most of the nicer ones.

I am a little worried about Miller’s hits given up (39) compared to innings pitched (22.7), though. It’s also a little scary that he has allowed 21 runs but all should work itself out once Andrew gets in the groove. Hopefully by the end of May we should have a line-up that looks a bit like this: Hanley Ramirez, Dan Uggla, Jeremy Hermida, Mike Jacobs, Cameron Maybin, & Josh Willingham, among a couple of others. I hate to say it since it’s so early in the season but with a batting line-up like that, it’s clear to everyone that we are now contenders. It’s an insane reality considering Alex Rodriguez makes more money than our entire team but that’s the way it works out sometimes. Now if only Fredi Gonzalez would let Luis Gonzalez start every other game. I have a feeling with more at-bats he could easily be a 20-home run guy for the team. Unfortunately, there is just nowhere to put him.

Now back to Andrew Miller. Every time he wins a game I am going to feature one of his cards from my collection. The first win of the season means I have no choice but to feature the first Andrew Miller I have ever owned. It came in a pack of 2007 SPx that Tatiana and I busted a few months before creating Wax Heaven. It was an awesome box and I can’t wait for 2008 to come out. When I pulled it, not only did I not know who he was, I also had no clue that it had a $50 Beckett book value.