In Houston, the idea of an enduring tradition is more than an oxymoron; it’s a mystery of faith. A city where the saying, “Here today; gone tomorrow,” exemplifies both the best and worst of Houston’s entrepreneurial spirit; Houston often seems like a city without history. So it’s out of fear for jinxing it to the phantasmal cityscape of Houston bygone, when I hesitate to call House of Pies (HoP), a Houston tradition.

Nevertheless, as it advertises on the paper place mats which adorn its tables and booths, Houston’s House of Pies has been serving up numerous varieties of its namesake, along with other standard diner fare 365 days a year, for over 40 years.

On any given night, drunken clubgoers, starving students, law enforcement officials, cougarish oil baronesses, dolled-out drag queens and to paraphrase the inimical Marvin Zindler, “whoever else makes you happy,” descend on an unassuming and somewhat dingy mid-century modern bungalow in the Upper Kirby district to act out what is arguably the greatest people-watching show on Earth.

Good food and service (I say good and not great because depending on how altered your state of mind is when you’ll probably go, subtleties such as good and great will be lost on you anyway) is sort of a moot point at House of Pies, but something that they in any case do, even if only out of an unwavering sense of responsibility to maintain the mythos of the American diner.

Perhaps a throwback to the past, or simply part of a concerted effort to keep the never-ending parties of guests moving through, House of Pies kindly reminds patrons that a minimum order of $2.40 an hour is required for table service; and so it was on the recent night after moving back to Houston when I gleefully made a visit to the House. Enter Dawn.

Dawn: a Houston sensation.

Dawn is a waitress at House of Pies, but more importantly–she is a Houston sensation and one of the thousands of reasons why making a visit to HoP is the Houstonian equivalent of a Muslim’s pilgrimage to Mecca.

Literally embodying the spirit of what makes so many of us (although not me!) Houstonians, Dawn will tell you that she came to Houston from Philadelphia for the weekend in 1979; “borrowed” some clothes from a department store; became a stripper; and has been here ever since.

As much of a fixture as the list of year-round pies, Dawn has worked at HoP for nine years, and will make you a believer in two things: at House of Pies anything goes; and what happens at House of Pies, stays at House of Pies (well, more or less).

“A couple of weeks ago, it was packed in here and a bunch of cops were eating when this 60 year old woman walks in. She pulled up her shirt; pulled down her pants and gave everyone in the place a full view of her other set of lips. That has to be one of the crazier things I’ve ever seen in my time here. The cops told her not to do that again.”

If you come in more than a couple of times, Dawn will remember your name, but you might not remember her because her hair is constantly changing. I asked her what the deal was with all the wigs.

“Well I used to work out a lot and I still skate about 10 miles everyday. I hated paying money to get my hair done, for it to get all sweaty in the Houston humidity, so I cut it off and now I have a drawer full of wigs. It’s fun to be able to change your hair up and my boyfriend likes it, but eventually I think I’ll grow my hair back out.”

As I became acquainted with Dawn over a special order she helped me craft, I tried to pry a few HoP secrets out of her, such as when’s the best time to eat and when’s the best time to people watch. She insisted that the best time to eat at HoP is, “when I’m here,” to which I could hardly protest (Wed. through Sun. 11p.m. – 5a.m. in case you were wondering), and as for the people-watching she said, “oh c’mon–it’s gotta be Friday and Saturday nights; but otherwise all the gay holidays…Mardi Gras; Gay Pride…you know.” Dawn advises people watchers to arrive at 2a.m. before all the bar and clubgoers pour in and it becomes difficult to get a table.

With its colorful food-themed wallpaper and lit-up pie list which is reminiscent of a ’70s slot machine, House of Pies seems like an improbable location for the various castes and characters of Houston to meet under one roof, much less for the founding of Compaq computers (who would have thought?). This is the place where you should take your friends out to eat when they’re in town and you want to show them an authentic Houston experience. Heck, this is the place you should take yourself out to eat when you want an authentic Houston experience. I did; and then I knew I was home.

House of Pies

3112 Kirby Dr.

Houston, TX 77093

(713)  528-3816

Haz click en la imagen para verla a detalle

The Chicken Ranch era un burdel que operó en LaGrange, Texas, desde 1844 a 1973, haciéndose famoso en todo el condado, y ganándose incluso una reputación casi turística. Para 1972, el reportero Marvin Zindler inició una cruzada contra el lugar, que logró que fuera cerrado al año siguiente. Como recuerdo, se compuso la comedia musical The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, que rápidamente se volvió un clásico.
Para 1982, Universal Studios realizó una adaptación de la obra, que combinaba eventos de la puesta en escena con aspectos del caso real. La misma contó con las actuaciones de Burt Reynolds y Dolly Parton, y a pesar de que fue sometida a una fuerte censura, se convirtió en un éxito inmediato. Hasta la fecha, se le considera la película musical más exitosa de los ochentas.

broadcast: Wednesday, January 21, 2009

from Washington DC

by Olberblogger

At Last might have been the Inauguration Ball song, but I think this one just as apropos,

What A Difference A Day Made

What a difference a day made 
Twenty-four little hours 
Brought the sun and the flowers 
Where there used to be rain…
What a difference a day made 
And the difference is you.

                               By Maria Grever and Stanley Adams 

#5: The Side Step

Chief Justice Roberts would not have fouled up the Constitutional mandated Presidential Oath of Office just because, as a senator, Barack Obama voted against his Supreme Court appointment? Nay….  But Obama gave the SCOTUS chief a second chance to cover both their backsides but they recited the oath much more slowly this time.

And Texas Senator John Cornyn would not hold up Obama nominees just to show the new Obama Administration that the GOP can and will.  Or just because he is a jerk. I live in Texas so I know.

I watched The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas the other night. No, that’s not a film about the Texas State Legislature or the Bush mafia. But one sees more nuance when a resident of the state of whores. The crusading TV reporter Melvin P. Thorpe represented Marvin Zindler of the ABC affiliate in Houston who honest-to-Gawd was more like that character than not (except Dom DeLuise never wore Zindlers’ blue-tinted glasses). But the character most true to type is Charles Durning as The Governor dancing a movie classic “The Sidestep”:

Ooh I love to dance a little sidestep,

now they see me now they don’t-

I’ve come and gone and, 

ooh I love to sweep around the wide step,

cut a little swathe and lead the people on.

 – Carol Hall

Gentle readers, that “Governor” character is Senator John Cornyn. Why I bet he can even do Durning’s great cowboy hat trick without a lick of practice.

The new President Obama halted all military commission actions at Gitmo and may attempt to install a real legal system that follows the rule of law with such benign provisions as the right to counsel and a speedy trial. Or any trial at all. 

PBS’s Gwen IFill swoons over our Keith (hey, get in line, Gwen). She says when it comes to Obama, patience, patience, patience. She also said that as the first African-American president, Obama will never be just another numbered president no matter how well or how poorly he serves. Before she leaves, Gwen asks KO for a date.

#3: Exclusive!

In an exclusive Countdown interview, former NSA insider Russell Tice told Keith that the Bush Administration’s swept up many innocent American citizens and organizations in its warrantless wiretapping activities against Federal law. Tice, who publicly came out previously about the illegality of the wiretaps says that news media organizations’ fax, Internet and phone communications were among those tapped. While he was not directly involved in that surveillance, he made certain inquiries that convinced him of more widespread domestic spying against nonterrorist targets was implemented. He also outed a “shell game” to mislead Congressional Intelligence Committee oversight. 

Tice mentioned he was fired for his whistleblowing activities, although dismissing a career (i.e. nonappointed) civil servant can be difficult and reasons must be enumerated in his personnel file. Public disclosure of illegal activities in itself may not be grounds for termination. According to Wikipedia (and we know how accurate they are), in 2001 while at the Department of Intelligence Agency, Tice reported suspicions that a coworker may be a Chinese spy. He pushed the issue until he was transferred to the NSA in 2002. He continued to press the issue and accused authorities for wiretapping him. Tice was ordered to undergo psychological evaluation. His security clearance was revoked in June 2003, and he was given basically janitorial tasks until he was terminated by the NSA in May 2005 after petitioning Congress for stronger whistleblower protections. 

Federal agencies much more mundane than the DIA, NSA, FBI, Homeland Security or the DOD do engage in retaliation for lesser employee behavior than Tice’s. In fact, rather than outright firing anyone, they do what they did to Tice, “promote” wayward employees to jobs they cannot endure until they quit. And, even less security conscious agencies are known to label authentic whistleblowers with “psychological issues” in their Federal medical or personnel jackets. 

That said, I’d advise Keith and Countdown to get second-source corroboration on Tice’s current allegations to be on the safe side. The AT&T whistleblower who disclosed Room 641A plays that role to some extent. Of course, the fact that Limbaugh and Bill-O tried to besmirch Tice’s reputation may be the only substantiation needed!

#2: Best of the Worsts

Chris Wallace fails to read the small print in the Constitution

#1: At Last

Keith shows Countdown’s version of “Great Moments in Presidential Speeches” to the tune of At Last.  

Best Oddball:

I Spy Stupid Criminals

Best Still Bushed:

UN Special Rapporteur on Torture Manford Nowak can investigate the Bush Administration’s involvement in possible war crimes without Obama other Congressional involvement. Take that John Cornyn!

Best Breaking Boomeranging News

Caroline is out. Caroline is in. Caroline is out….

Best Fashion Statement

Purplish Ties

MaET =  2083

In doing research for Top Chef 5, I discovered a bunch of things.

Yeah, Padma’s still back, thankfully. And apparently, there’s a spin-off featuring kid chefs aged 12 to 16 (sounds extremely intriguing. Note the sarcasm and lack of enthusiasm).

But more importantly, Spike from season four stores meat in the alley behind his restaurant.

That’s kind of disgusting.

He says it’s only stored there for a few minutes.

That should comfort all the consumers of the “Back Alley Burger,” exclusively sold at Spike’s Washington, D.C. burger joint, Good Stuff Eatery.

To me, this sounds like a case of SLIME IN THE ICE MACHINE!

Slime in the ice machine
Slime when you’re nice to me
Bitch, I pull out too fast
And it looks like you ice creamed me

-jeffo

You gotta respect a guy who turns to a weird career like journalism in when he was 51, especially with the emotional and physical baggage that seems wrong for the job. Vanity (he had 17 plastic surgery procedures over the years), deafness (and so he yelled), and a taste for high living aren’t what you’d expect from a consumer reporter, defender of the poor, the immigrant and the unfortunate.

But, what would Houston have been without Marvin Zindler, who died last Sunday at the age of 85? A former high-end haberdasher, Marine, and deputy sheriff, he claimed he was screwed over after a car dealer pulled strings with the local sheriff, following Marvin’s investigation into an always popular odometer roll-back scam. Crooked sheriff’s, used car dealers, and any one else screwing the little guy would regret that. Marvin dusted himself off and reinvented himself as, what else, a journalist and crusader.

A little old for the standard TV talking head, Zindler created a uniquely Texas personality — and made his investigative reports instant classics. Every obituary mentions his role in exposing the famous (or infamous, depending on your sense of things) “Chicken Ranch” — the rural whorehouse that served Texas A & M and U of Texas students for several generations (and was the basis for “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”), in Houston, he combined “Sixty Minutes” and Jimmy Swaggert in his on-air personality as he gleefully browbeat bureaucrats into resolving housing and immigration problems — and, sweet-talked the rich and beautiful to support charitable work in Mexico.

Zindler, and Houston plastic surgeon Joseph Agris, regularly arranged to fly medical teams and equipment to Puerto Vallarta (who said you can’t have fun while doing good), correcting cleft palates and other congenital deformities for poor Mexican children. Through the Agris-Zindler foundation, the Houston based charity has expanded to provide free reconstuctive work and distribute medical equipment throughout the world.

You have to respect a guy who didn’t become a journalist until well into middle-age, and who made outrage enjoyable, especially when the outrage was something as something as simple as …. SLIME IN THE ICE MACHINE!