These days you can’t turn around on the Internet and not run into yet another wannabe gossip columinist. It can drive you bananas.

Here’s one, Jennifer Tant and Chris Cagle BOTH Jailed For Domestic Assault by someone just getting started out in the field. No splashy paparazzi photos, pretty dull and to the point.

Oops! I turned around and brushed my tail feathers up against another one, Masha Markova’s Mink Coat Stolen By Lindsay Lohan. Geez, you would think these guys go to the same stylist, wouldn’t you.

Of course, the big banana in the area of celeb gossip is TMZ.com. They got all the gossip you could want about the “30 Mile Zone” in LA although they sometimes forget about us in fly over country. Ha HA! I’m a bird and I said “fly over”! Look out below! Bombs away!

OK, I’m better now.

Check out these gossip columnist new and old and see what you think, orange pellets or bananas?

According to People, Lindsay Lohan is facing a lawsuit for allegedly stealing a fur coat. Popsquire previously (and purposely) ignored this so-called “case of the missing mink,” but now that there’s a lawsuit, there is no choice. Here’s what you need to know:

1. Masha Markova claims that she attended a private party at a New York club with Lindsay on Jan. 26.
2. Masha then put down her $11,000 blond mink coat with other jackets at the party and thought it was gone for good after she couldn’t find it at the end of the night.
3. Next, while flipping through a magazine, she saw Lindsay allegedly sporting the same coat and directed her lawyer to contact Lindsay’s reps.
4. Two days later, the coat, smelling of cigarettes and booze, arrived at her apartment with a tear in the lining.

Aside from the obvious crime (theft) and tort (trespass to chattel), what are these girls doing with fur in 2008?!? To find out how to make a tax-deductible fur donation to PETA, call 1-888-FUR-AWAY or visit PETA’s anti-fur Web site FurIsDead.com.

In case you need a reminder about why wearing fur is bad, watch this video: