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1. headed south
on 33rd
in our standard configuration:
shiz,  drivers seat
me, passenger
not only is she a sasstronaut
but her flag is at half-math

2. rituals
of the great
sweater vest
manifestation
striking the word maybe
from existence

3. lifelong mission
of heartopening
we engage.
steve’s office.
it is when i get to
the part about
my hands in the dirt
that i start to cry

4. daphna
in purple
telling us
my mind rearranges itself
to meet the future

5. peacock lane
phenomena
we joke about driving through
on the way home
cops directing
clusterfuck of traffic
imagined hot cocoa
in our hands

6. how you will
take me
into 7:26 am
salt water
another item
to add
to the list
regarding
infinite gratitude

7. come on
we’re going to get the tree
the new
all purpose
smartass response

Yes yes, boring life and all. For my one reader out there, I will try and have chapter 4 up tomorrow. I’m trying to balance out my writing projects and find the inspiration and motivation to finish them all. Also if there’s any bored artists out there, I have ideas if you need some.

Haven’t done much in the past week or so. The A Christmas Story play went well though, but the crowd was a little sullen. Also, I hate projects. After working 8 straight hours on one, my teach’s comp can’t even run the damn thing. Thankfully my freshmen partner had a back-up, but I really actually tried on that thing.

I might also be doing a poetry segment soon, maybe a review thing too. I got a recent interest in comic books so I might be reviewing that as well as movies. If any VA projects get going including me I might post them here too. A lot of “maybes” and “ifs” here huh? Perhaps that the true meaning of suspense, to not know how things take place. I seem to need to learn that considering earlier writing.

So yes, that’s about all. Should I not be able to get back to you person, Happy Holidays.

In case you have been racking your brains with worry, I am still not dead. I have just been working full time, and haven’t been able to update. I took on a few extra shifts to help out a few members of staff, and so haven’t been able to sit down and write as usual. In fact, I have been spending my time trying to stay awake on public transport and losing my phone in the back of a friend’s car. In fact, this was a revelatory moment-suddenly, it occurred to me that having the same number for almost a decade and then not writing any number down in an address book was probably not a smart idea…

There is also something possibly good that has happened. Maybe. Sort of. I don’t want to talk about it too much as everytime I have mentioned a potential good thing that has happened on this blog, I have failed/been rejected awfully. So, not mentioning this particular good thing is the way forward.

Because of full time work, I have not applied for anything over the past few weeks, so I cannot possibly comment on anything, except that I can’t remember telling Milkround that I need to be sent emails every five minutes.

Sometimes I hit the doldrums and don’t see anything funny … or think of anything interesting to blog about.

Then I get a sign from a mail slot somewhere and I put some crap on … like I usually do.

note: exit signs are pessimistic … unless there is a fire … or the movie is over.

double note: front doors are welcome matters.

triple note: Do mail slots talk to you? … it’s okay, but don’t talk back to them … that’s a bad thing … and they don’t like it.

quadruple note: the age of signs is over … just like the age of miracles, the age of reason, the age of innocence, and the age of ice.  I hope the next age is something to do with making the world a better place to visit.

quintuple note: I wore a shirt that said “Maybe” today: I’m controversial … but I’m not totally sure about it.

sextuple note: someone else should start playing Jackie Chan in movies.

septuple note: that means the 7th note … if you haven’t been paying attention.

octuple note: when you wear a belt, do you loop it through your pants clockwise or counterclockwise?
I seem to be hanging out with the lefthanded clockwise crowd.

nuntuple note: sure it’s 5 o’clock somewhere and people are drinking, but it’s 3 am somewhere else and people are sleeping … so it all evens out.

decuple note: I guess I really didn’t have a lot of anything to say … or a lot of anything to say … or a whole lot of nothing to say.

.

notes to myself #79

Watch out for that nail on the road while you are driving.

Researchers have shown that the methane on Mars is not being deposited by meteorites, but is produced on or within the planet…. From BBC News. Full story

This site may contain information about: flight. The blog is also related to: gatwick flight.

My dear, ninety-plus year-old friend Marjorie said to me once when I was asking for help in handling life, “You’re such a serious little thing.”

This comment, saved in a special Marjorie place in my mind, comes back to me from time to time, and I have had a variety of responses to it. 

One is this:  “You  mean, most people are not?  I am…more serious than necessary?”  This is very puzzling to me.  It is an incredible thought that the seriousness with which I view my life is…overkill.  But maybe it is.  (Is it??  Oh, my….)  It would be nice to know that it is, in a way.  Hmmm….

I get that im not writing this for anyone in particular and that i shouldnt be worried about blog views or clicks or anything of the sort, but it kinda makes me sad that it slowly goes down and down and then some days, i only have one view.

I get it. I get it. But i somehow like the feeling of people taking the time out to read my writing.
Im not sure why… i usually hate people readimg my stuff, but it feels different somehow.
I dont know. Maybe im just no good at putting my thoughts across as words.

/end

there is conversation flying around about whether the Emergent movement is a church.

i would add it is a conversation and so much. but that it is better seen as something that if fluid. something that is disarming rather than alarming. something that is flowing and not static. something that is inviting and dissuades the exclusive. something that is not monumental, but rather is egalitarian. something that invites the unloved, hated, heretical, murderous, criminal, anger, loved, religious, pious, fearful, adventurous to all sit at the same table and dialogue about the future as if we have a hand in it and as if it is something we can all participate in. it is broken people who wear their scars proudly yet know that there is room for movement. we’re chairs knowing we should be couches, and we’re all working on it together. we see the world as hopeful not destroyed. we see people as loved no matter what they’ve done and are doing. we see the world as possible and claim to deny any impossibilities, because that reality is nowhere near the reality of God the Maker.

If we say we are church, than we are bound. we are fixed. we are static. we would become institutionalized. we would be broken thinking we could do holy, righteous act that could make us better. we would have all the answers. we would learn to love conditionally. we would live in a world that was going to hell in a hand basket. we would need God in codependent rather than a partnership, that he invites us into. church as is, limits what we could be.

My Rant and Hope for the Church
yet, there is hope for the institution. if we can all come together and realize we are more than structures, dogmas, doctrines and scriptures…that all these things are good, but insufficient because they all together still don’t reach God. The lead us to him, but the romance is lost. someone blew out the candles for the dinner that night, if we subscribe to the reality that God is only found in the list above. I would say (personally, not speaking for emergent) that God is bigger than all of the above, and he invites us to find him not only in those things, but also outside of them. A bride is active. A bride serves. A bride loves. A bride is innovative, creative, beautiful, lively and moving. She restores things. Maybe Psalm 31 wasn’t about the virtous women, but maybe how God sees the potential of the Church. Can we find her, maybe like Hansel and Gretel she is lost in the woods, we have to find her. I believe this is what the people of the Emergent community want to do…

And there is so much more to the emergent conversation, this doesn’t even touch the surface…

The red rose. This was the totally unexpected event in recent times that has hit me.

And some white lillies.

It is wonderful to find yourself praying that someone should be protected for the rest of his life – no matter if he doesn’t choose you to be around. You only care about his happiness. That’s the long and short of it all.

Close my eyes
Feel me now
I don’t know how you could not love me now
You will know, with her feet down to the ground
Over there, and I want true love to grow
You can’t hide, oh no, from the way I feel

Turn my head
Into sound
I don’t know when I lay down on the ground
You will find the (way it) hurts to love
Never cared, and the world turned hearts to love
We will see, oh now, in a day or two
You will wait
See me go
I don’t care, where your head turned (I don’t know)
You will wait, when I turn my eyes around
Overhead when I hold you next to me
Overhead, to know the way I see

Close my eyes
Feel me now
I don’t know, maybe you could not hurt me now
Here alone, when I feel down too
Over there, when I await true love for you
You can hide, oh now, the way I do
You can see, oh now, oh the way I do

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An Imerika Guest Post:

We’ve all heard the shoe comparison “Dating is like buying shoes, you have to try them on and make sure they fit before you purchase.” Or something like that.

But this really doesn’t make sense because I bet almost every girl in America owns a pair of shoes that are uncomfortable. However, maybe the same reason I buy shoes that don’t fit is the same reason I date guys who don’t ‘fit’ me?

When I go to the mall, I see those racks of clearance shoes calling my name. There’s nothing I can do but look at the shoes, and I always spy a pair that is so ridiculously cute, I must try them on. “What?,” I tell the salesperson, “you don’t have these in my size?”

And the shoe/guy comparison begins.

I turn into Goldilocks and try on a size bigger and a size smaller. But of course, neither of them fit just right. My foot slips out of one, and the other one is too tight, it pinches my feet. But instead of walking out of the store, I buy the small shoes anyway because maybe they’ll loosen up and won’t hurt as much anymore. Just like when I meet guys but none really interest me all that much, but I tell myself, ‘hey why not give it s a shot?’ so I’ll try on a guy anyway because who knows…maybe after dating him for a while, he’ll fit better.

The first day I wear the shoes, I try breaking them in. Maybe I’ll use a couple of band-aids if they start to give me blisters. What’s a little blister in sacrifice for the ultimate goal of looking cute? Besides, they match my outfit perfectly. Just like when I date a guy and I notice he does things I don’t like or that I don’t appreciate…but heck, what’s a few little annoyances, right? It’s not like anybody’s perfect. Maybe I’ll grow used to them.

I keep wearing the shoes. But they’re still too small. Maybe I should have gone with the larger size and used tissue. Maybe I should have waited..maybe, maybe, maybe. By the time I realize I shouldn’t have bought the shoes in the first place, it’s too late. I’ve already made the investment. I don’t want to put the shoes at the back of the closet gathering dust because I paid hard-earned money for these shoes! So trust me when I say I must keep wearing the damn shoes– no matter how much it hurts, because I am invested! So I keep dating the guy…

Why do I buy the shoes if they don’t fit? The same reason I date the guy that doesn’t work. Because I am convinced that with enough jamming and pressing, I can eventually mold the shoe that is the wrong size to fit my foot. Just like I foolishly believe I can change any old guy to become the dream guy I’ve envisioned.

I know I’ll never stop buying shoes that don’t fit, just like I’ll probably still continue to date guys that don’t fit. But at the end of the day the shoes come off because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a blister on my heel.