these are my feelings at the moment. I dont know which is worse. i am updating on here because even if no one reads it I will feel better. all of  these emotions are floating around in me all at once right now and they are caused by one person and i dont know what to do I really dont.

this person asked me to do something that i dont want to do. Now is it anything bad? no its not its stupid but they told me to do it after saying some very hurtful things to me and i dont know how to even respond. I really cared about this person and I thought they cared about me but its just i am shocked i guess…at the way it was presented to me. i dont know.  to prove a point i want to do what they demanded asked to do but it will make them feel crappy afterwards and you know what i want this person to feel like shit for hurting me but at the same time i dont want them to feel like that. life already sucks for this person they have been threw a lot lately and i get that but that is no reason to take it out on me right? i dont know AND here is the kicker if i dont do it then they dont want to be my friend anymore……what is that? so does that mean they never were my friend in the first place because friends dont do shit like that to each other? i dont know. i mean i am their friend and that is why i didnt want to do what they asked cause i know afterwards they will feel like crap but i dont know….see this is where the whole confused me steps in. i just dont know. do i step away from the whole thing? i dont know. i need to think. i need to figure out how i feel. i need to not think. i mean one thing the person said to me was they dont care they dont care about anything so why is it hurting me then? why am i trying so hard to maintain this friendship if they have already given up? on me …themselves..friends…i mean i dont get it….this is the anger talkign and they dont trust me well maybe i dont care if they dont trust me because they dont care about anything right?

i dont know i feel sick to my stomach over this.

I will do what they demanded asked of me to prove my point that YES I EXIST!! I AM HERE! it just hurts i guess that i should have to do such a thing…it hurts that by me doing what they ask of me when only end up upsetting them and that will also be my fault because i am the one that upset them but i have no choice….

none…

no choice….

option 1-dont do it lose friendship

option 2-do it -they feel like crap as do i and lose friendship.

no choice….

i hate this…hate life now….hate everything….im out i dont know if i will be back other than to post what they asked of me.

Wat? We let him sleep by heater.

can u rotate me?

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Mairee Krissmis Happee Nu Yeer Kiss meh butt.

c’mon. git in teh holiday spirit.

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I just checked the trusty Selfish Seamstress blog spam filter and discovered a comment that got caught in there, even though it’s clearly in response to an entry.  It is, however, just about the meanest comment (also kind of hilarious) I’ve ever received!  (And as you well know, the Selfish Seamstress is not exactly sweet herself.)  In response to my post concerning the two grey pleated Burda dresses I made, a reader in Singapore named “Step” (parents obviously not so good at naming their kids) writes:

You look a bit better in the sleeveless one as the other made you look stout, especially on your upper torso.

In my opinion, you are a little too short and/or your frame doesn’t go well with the cut of the dress. Both also made you look older and prun-ish.

I would suggest make the sleeveless dress couple of inches shorter, put on proper make-up and please remove your armpit hair before stepping outta the house and/or take a picture.

Anyway, I’ve been fortunate to have not received any unkind comments thus far, and normally I’d just hit the delete, but this one is sort of awesome in its offensiveness so I couldn’t bear to just delete it. Plus I assume they wrote it because they want the attention anyway. So, Step, thanks for caring, and kiss my stout, short, old, prun-ish (sic), un-made-up, armpit-hair-covered ass!

P.S. I just checked the photos and those armpits are as bald as armpits can be. But I think your acute case of the nasties is showing!

So how does one go about answering a question like this?! I’ll admit, it’s a hard one. Think about it though. If you have an arch enemy surely there must be some side of you that even your friends haven’t seen. So I decided on an answer for myself.
I can be SO ugly sometimes!

The media and the culture that we live in always has us frantic about our appearance and how we look to other people. We take care to look and act our best and even our friends see the only the good side of us the majority of the time.

So maybe the ugly side of us is what our enemies know about us. It’s weird to think about it and it’s rather creepy too.

To illustrate, I only have one real enemy. He irritates me more than anything and constantly talks about me behind my back. To me this is so cowardly. He’s stuck up, superficial, and he made a mentally retarded girl cry. He’s miserable. So I’m sure you can see why I don’t like him.

Maybe when that one irritating person is getting under our skin we should just smile and go about our business. Letting our guard down and turning ugly can have some pretty bad consequences. You never know whensomebody important is going to come around the corner.

How many times have we witnessed people somewhere causing a scene? Sometimes it appears to be a person yelling while the another stands there in shock.
Who do we think looks the worst? The one yelling looks incredibly immature for yelling and making a scene in public. Perhaps the other person really caused the scene, but we only saw the angry one react.

Maybe when we lose our cool, instead of our friends and aquaintances thinking we won whatever confrontation we had, we just look immature to them. Many times people thrive on negativity. If someone intentionally is always on our nerves they’re loving it. Maybe winning our fight means turning the other cheek. What we always hear about ignoring people is true. If you ignore them they’ll shut up.

So let’s ignore our freak show enemies! That’s more annoying to them anyway. Then they know they can’t bring us down. Even smile at them!

Smile at your enemies

After all, a smile looks good on everybody.

Love, Michelle C.
xoxo

P.S. What interesting situations have you witnessed or been in?

Poor farmers in Niger, Chad and northeastern Mali will likely need food aid until the early harvests of August…. From VOA. Full story

This site may contain information about: farm. The blog is also related to: farm.

Poor farmers in Niger, Chad and northeastern Mali will likely need food aid until the early harvests of August…. From VOA. Full story

This site may contain information about: food. The blog is also related to: food.

Suriya in an earlier interview appreciated the efforts taken by Karthi in Paruthiveeran. He also said that he was in tears after seeing the pains and ill-treatment Karthi underwent to make the film a great success.

For this, the director of Paruthiveeran, Ameer retaliated by saying that as a director, he worked hard to bring the actor in Karthi and though the methods would have been disagreeable it has brought laurels to the star.

Karthi on explaining this said that the statement of his brother Suriya was misinterpreted. He did not mean to criticize director Ameer and only made a general statement unable to see the anguish his younger brother had gone through for the film.

… or else keep mean words to yourself.

A serial killer is on the loose and the body count is rising as young, innocent victims are found…mutilated by the mark of the legendary Jack the Ripper. Journey back to 1888 as Assistant Chief Constable of London’s Scotland Yard on a manhunt to stop the brutal slayings. Use the most revolutionary technology of the era to gather evidence and stop the infamous criminal!

Experience Victorian England!

Put Your Investigative Skills To The Test!

Be A Member Of Scotland Yard!

Can You Reveal The Identity of Jack The Ripper?

System Requirements:

OS: Windows XP,Windows Vista

Memory: 512 MB

CPU: P600

It Takes Just A second To Say Thanks,

It Takes Longer To The Work On This.

Real Crimes: Jack The Ripper

I feel like shit.

I wanted to tell West Coast that he hurt me. So I got up the courage to ask him to meet with me. He said sure, so I assumed that that was that.

But it’s never that simple with him. I went to his room and he wouldn’t answer the door. Then I texted him. He didn’t respond. So I called him. He picked up the phone and hung up.

Then he texted me something along the lines of “I don’t like you and I don’t want to see you.”

So naturally, I kept trying to convince him that we needed to talk, and naturally, he kept pushing back. So I gave up and said,

“I really wish I could hate you. But I can’t.”

I was at the smoking area at the time, so I sat there for a while. Then I went inside with my boyfriend and cried myself to sleep.

There isn’t enough alcohol or weed in the world to fill the hole that West Coast left. Nothing can make the hurt he left with me go away. I didn’t want to drink last night and I didn’t want to sleep, because I knew that when I woke up, the pain was still going to be there. And it was. But I was so exhausted that I couldn’t cry anymore.

I wish I could show him what he’s doing to me. But he doesn’t want to see any of the bad things he does, and that’s why (I believe) he was too afraid to see me yesterday.

He can’t face the truth.

But maybe that’s a sign that there’s still a good person in there somewhere. The good person who used to show through feels guilty, so he’s hiding. What I have to do is connect with the good in his heart. And I know it’s there.

I have so much love for him in spite of the horrible things he’s done to me. I’m not a perfect person though, and I can only take so much. But if this is coming to an end, it’s going to end on my terms.

It’s a battle of attrition now. He’s losing his friends over this, because even though he refuses to turn his head and see what’s happening to me, his friends see. And they care about me, and they look badly upon him for it. When everyone sees what he’s done and he has nobody to tell him he’s right, maybe he’ll see.

I wish he would just be the same person as he used to be. Sometimes I think he never was that person, but then I remember how we used to be and I know that somewhere in there, he cares.

I just scare him.

What last night made me realize, though, is that my boyfriend grounds me and stabilizes me. I need him in my life when terrible things happen, especially with WC. He was so wonderful to me last night, and I think it made our connection a little stronger. I love him and that’s something that will never go away.

Fat people do NOT look good in fishnets. At all.

Can u get ball? I got black eye last time I try

kittehs r aboosive

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here is a video of ex-porn actor and anti-pornography crusader shelley lubben, sitting in the lobby of the los angeles hotel in which she had turned her first trick (and unintentionally conceived her first child) as a teenaged prostitute.

part 2 is below.

i post these here because, for one thing, i wanted to point out to all the sex-pozzies who frequent my blog that not all sex-workers’ “lived experience” jives with a liberal/libertarian sex-positive agenda, although they really like to pretend otherwise.

but my main point is in regards to personal testimonies, and the fact that many liberal and so-called “fun-fems,” including transpersons and transactivists give tons of credence to sex-workers’ and others’ personal experience, (you know, when this self-reported “lived experience” supports their agenda) and value personal narratives over feminist theory. they also claim that personal narratives of  sex workers and transpersons are inherently feminist, and should be deferred to by feminists in lieu of a critical analysis or examining lived experienced in context.

but feminists who favor theory over experience, or who dissect and examine lived experience in context of feminist theory are the only ones who are being honest, here, arent they?

for example, shelley lubben is an outspoken, anti-pornography and anti-prostitution crusader, who reveals the horrors she experienced while working in the industry for many years.  in a series of video testimonies, she reports that she became impregnated during her first experience with prostitution, and contracted genital herpes on the porn set, among other things.

to a radical feminist like myself, shelley lubben’s story appears to be consistent with my own anti-porn, anti-prostitution stance.  and i was moved greatly by her words, and by her experience of an industry that i fully agree is harmful to women, and anti-feminist.  i have watched these videos over and over, and have been moved to tears, and to write.  were i a fun-fem, my analysis would stop there:  shelley lubben is a feminist, and her testimony is unproblematic!  except that in many ways, thats not the case.  not at all.

because shelley lubben, in addition to whatever else she might be, is also a born-again christian, and therefore anti-feminist by definition.  and indeed, her testimony is anything but feminist. for example, she uses a racist, fake asian “accent” when describing the encounter in which she became pregnant by a “half-chinese half-japanese” john.  and inexplicably, although she herself was a vulnerable teenaged stripper and prostitute, and admits to years of abuse at the hands of men in an exploitative sex industry, she underscores her adoration for her daughter who was conceived during one of the most traumatic experiences of her young life, in a sex-work transaction gone horribly, horribly wrong, by stating that her daughter is “hot!”  how could she refer to her daughter in sexually-objectifying terms, after she had just described the experience of her daughters’ conception in excruciating detail on the video, and her own years of victimization in an industry that sexually objectifies women?  (answer: because shes not a feminist).

she also invokes a decidedly christian sense of guilt and shame for what she “has done”, and for what her daughter experienced early in her young life, when pornographers and boyfriends would drive her daughter to school, as she was too “messed up” on drugs and sleeping too late to be much of a mother to her.  in other videos, she repeatedly refers to herself as a whore.  again, rather than twist the definition of “feminist” to fit shelley lubben and her experiences in the sex industry, where its clearly not warranted, i think a feminist analysis of the female gender role, forced motherhood, anti-abortion and religious rhetoric, and internalized misogyny would be helpful here.

but when it comes to the personal testimonies of sex-workers and transpersons that could be read as favorable to a pro-porn, sex-positive, or other (questionable)agenda, radical feminists and others are expected to accept these stories at face-value without examining them further, and as inherently feminist to boot!  (although it occurs to me that the transactivists and fun-fems would probably have no problem dismissing shelley lubben’s testimony out of hand, because it doesnt jive with their sex pozzie, pro-porn agenda. and they are the ones who supposedly believe that “lived experience” is so important.)

but how does, for example, FTM transsexual and porn-actor “buck angel, the man with a pussy! TM” support specifically feminist ideals (rather than sex-positive ones) when he acts in porn and tells male porn actors and porn consumers to “fuck my hole!” similarly, how are sex-positive MTF transsexuals who do not have female reproductive function unproblematic to feminism, when they support born-womens right to “fuck our way to freedom” in liberal, sex-positive fashion, but they themselves dont suffer the consequences we do to having sex with men, because unlike born-women, transwomen cant get pregnant, and have to constantly penetrate their post-operative neo-vaginas or suffer grave consequences to their health?

radical feminists are bravely examining these personal narratives in context, and are not shying away from a feminist analysis, even when it brings us down on the un-fun side.  anti-porn, anti-sex work radfems might be taking the fun out of feminism, but i personally question when and who decided that feminism should be “fun” in the first place?  somehow, i strongly suspect it was men, as sex-positive, pro-porn fun-feminism benefits only them, in the end.  call me crazy, and call me mean.  but thats not *my* feminism.  it never was.

It had been almost over a year since i wrote my article about Hollister, but yet i still had the job.

I did not seem to mind anymore. I continued the tradition of swallowing my pride, but no longer  did I care about my discount, my job became an important social aspect of my life.

Oh yes, this was until we got the new boss.

Everyone knows what it’s like getting a new boss. He or she will either be a pushover or a complete toolbag. For me, it always seems to be the latter.

His name was Derek. He was a large man who barely fit into the company’s clothing. This was because he spent most of his life at the gym. I think by spending so much time sculpting his guns he may have constricted a few too many blood vessels.

He seemed to have been pointing out flaws in everyone’s work and letting us go unappreciated for the hours we were putting in.Luckily for me, he hadn’t found a flaw yet.

I think this panicked him. So for my final month working, he stalked me. Hid behind plants, lurked quietly in the corner, watching, waiting for me to screw up. And then I did.

A woman old enough to George Burn’s mother walked into our store. I was not about to berate this woman with the company’s tagline “Hey, what’ up?” It would have only have confused her, and I did not feel like giving this woman a cerebral aneurysm by explaining it.

"My mother was a saint!"

So I said “Hi, how are you doing today?!”

Big fucking mistake.

According to my manager, being hip and cool out weighs friendly and polite. No more could i work for this man, so I wrote him this letter

“Dear Derek,

If you don’t know by now, I don’t enjoy my job. If you haven’t noticed, it’s because you’re completely devoid of human emotion.

I started this job with high hopes. I thought working here would be a relaxed environment; my oh my how naïve I was.

I soon was whisked into a world of mass consumerism and materialism that I couldn’t have begun to fathom before I started working here. For instance: the company’s idea of model standards.

I’m not an idiot; I can hear your conference calls. I heard Chelsea complaining about our model’s not wearing enough plaid. I heard the other managers talking about their new recruitments. “I think she’s really cute, she’d be great” or “I don’t like him, especially after he shaved his head.”

How about this, who gives a fuck?

It wasn’t until recently that I realized this, I’ve known this forever. If you didn’t know I’ve been with the company longer than you have, so for me to only notice this now would be absurd.

The last string was pulled earlier this week. According to anonymous sources at the manager meeting, the managers, you believe that we are stressed out because of the company’s instance for us to wear plaid.

^Way too stressed out

I’m tired of making witty comments and transfusing them with sarcasm, so I’m just going to be blunt. It’s not the plaid; it’s you.

By hearing this quote I realized there is no getting through to you. You have no idea of how other human beings think or act. It’s the only explanation

You’re like a robot.

But it doesn’t matter, because you don’t. I can think of a long list of things that are more important than Hollister’s and your impact in the world including Atkins, contact lenses, snuggies, antiperspirant deodorant,  Go-gurt, crystal meth, red states, socialism, Hayden Panterrie, that funny asian guy off of Knocked Up, construction paper, Bonanza, barracudas, cheap cologne, and George Clooney.

So I’m going to go back to my life of yager bombs and happiness and you can go back to yours of snorting testosterone and So Cal.

Yours truly,

Mario

PS: PULL UP YOUR FUCKING PANTS!!!!!!! “

I hope I made my point.

Напоследък сме заливани с какви ли не помии, които биват превъзнасяни от маси хора. Манията да се кефиш на нещо, което е лишено от всякакъв смисъл, просто защото е модерно или около него има някаква тъпа шумотевица е абсурдно. Филмовата индустрия бълва филми като “The Dark Knight”, който беше #1 в IMDB TOP250 прилично време, само защото Хийт Леджър почина, когато излезе филма. Дадоха му посмъртен оскар и всевъзможни възхвали, как залагали надежди той да стане един от най-успешните актьори в света. А кой беше Хийт Леджър преди да умре подяволите? Друг такъв “светъл” пример е “Здрач” манията заляла малолетните момиченца и момченца (понякога и хора каращи пубертет до 30 годишна възраст). Идеята как блещукащ вампир-вегитарианец се натиска с задръстена провинциална особнячка.. явно кара хората да намират частица от себе си в образите и да помечтаят за малко живот по дърветата и сред мъглите. Здрач хвърли поредното затъмнение в главите на децата, разваляйки прелестната идея за митологичните същества наречени вампири-убийци. Къде отиде класиката?

Като загаоворихме за кино, нека не пропуснем и музикалния бизнес. Jonas Brothers? WTF? Това нещо музика ли е или .. не знам.. какво всички са луднали по възможно най-гей музика. Tokio Hotel, Hannah Montana (or whatever it is), Coldplay и т.н. Както се казва “Sometimes its not about the music, but about the fuckable singer”. Където има фойерверки, скандали, смърт, вампири и големи цици – там сме.

Oще от същата сергия: Бранджелина, Органична/щастлива/кашер храна, Бъднивечер, Романтиката, Секса, Порното, Девствеността, Фейсбук, Американския начин на живот, Въпроса “Как си?”, Пурите, Островните държави и големите курорти, Благотворителността, целяща известност, Нарязания хляб, Господ, Мона Лиза, Матрицата (мили хора, спрете да кръщавате децата си Тринити), Безбожно скъпите неща за ядене (кафе от ако на маймунка, трюфели, нам си къф бенбен хайвер, сто годишно шампанско и т.н.), LOL OMG ROFL FYI BTW TBH CBA и какви ли не малоумни съкращения. Мога да измисля още около милион простотии, но най важното и най-малоумно и преувеличено нещо е “ДРЪЖ СЕ КАТО ВЪЗРАСТЕН!” WTF?! (wtf е яко) haha.

Wow so much drama lately. My long-time friend Tate called me yesterday shivering and crying because someone sent out a nasty email about her quitting the club she starting. The email went on to say that it was the most selfish things she had ever seen. I mean has she gotten out much? Then my other close friend SIGNED the email. So I was prett ticked at her. After she apologized and I was kind of unsure, she started yelling at me for not supporting her. Well she called my long-time friend a bunch of mean stuff and I didn’t know which to choose. Then I was all like, “EXCUSE ME?” Then I was like, “This is stupid” And emailed her saying maybe we should forget everything. But I am still confused about everything. Drama sucks. >:/

Smartmouth cat mocks you while your back is turned

oh yeah. datz rly mature.

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