Some people like taking on challenges more than others.  Many people like to” play it safe.”  How much are you willing to push yourself, to go outside of your comfort zone?  How soon will the fear of the unknown stop you in your tracks?

WHAT are you really afraid of?  How uncomfortable are you with venturing out into the unknown?  How different is TOO different?

An open mind is invaluable.  But a completely open mind is rare.  The few who in the past have dared to question the status quo have suffered the consequences.  The examples from science seem obvious to us now, but hindsight makes it all seem too easy, i.e. the earth is not flat.

So, are you ready to “play scientist?”  Take a look at something with only curiousity, and no fear?  Consider, then make your own conclusion?  Put yourself through an “experience” and arrive at the other side, saying only “hmm, that was interesting.”

Can you watch this with an open mind?

Yay!  I got it to work!  So, what do you think?

When I worked in the Research Department of a large real estate investment firm, we had to do a lot of forecasting — annual increases in rental rates, the Consumer Price Index, vacancy rates, measures of economic growth.  We knew the truth of that statement:  If you must forecast, forecast often. 

It’s the same situation any time you are looking into the future.  You have to take all the data you have, make your best guestimate of what is likely to happen, and then settle on a prediction.  Even if you have a sophisticated computer model, the old saying holds true: Garbage In, Garbage Out.  Your results are only as good as your data.  In the real world, that data changes, so you have to keep updating your forecast if you want to be as accurate as possible.

The same holds true for forecasting the weather.  When I was taking meteorology classes in the early 80s, the models only attempted to go out five days.  Now they forecast much further into the future.  But still, if you are depending on a weather forecast, not only do you check it the day before, if you are like me, you watch the real-time satellite images to see what’s headed your way. 

If we’re talking about human behavior, the same guidelines hold true.  You might have a really good idea of how your best friend will react to bad news, based on her personality and her belief system.  But if you show up to tell her this bad news, and realize she is drunk, or just had a really hard day at the office, or just found out her dad died, well, that new information will change what is likely to happen when you tell her, IF you still decide to share whatever bad news you have.

All that makes sense, right?

So now I want to ask you this:  If a prediction about the future of the human race were made, say 2000 years ago, then it was probably based on the most likely potentials at the time, right?  If that potential outcome was not optimal, and came with warnings and suggestions on how to avoid the outcome, that would make sense, right?  Whoever was wise and sophisticated enough to make that kind of prediction, would be basing the forecast on the best available data at the time.

A lot can change in 2000 years.  A lot can change in 100, 50, even 10 years.  So, you wouldn’t consider an “old” forecast to be inevitable, right?

Then why, please explain to me, do people still cling to the prophecies of Armageddon and the End of the World with such hopelessness?  As if there is nothing we can do to change the potentials? 

The Soviet Union is no longer — the Bear is gone.  The Berlin Wall fell.  The world didn’t end at the Millenium.  It’s not going to end in 2012. 

If you watch the news, they will try to convince you that the world is still all about doom and gloom.  Old habits die hard.  Plus, fear is a powerful tool. 

Step back and think about how the world has changed over the past 50 years.  It is not the same place.  Collectively, we have made the world a better place.   That should make us hopeful, but not complacent.

Never underestimate the power of even the smallest of gestures to make a difference.  Watch the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.  George Bailey had no idea of the impact he made.  One smile, one kind gesture, one act of charity, multiplied by thousands or millions of people will have exponential positive effects. 

We have already changed the potentials.  Why stop now?

She’s very clear about why things happen for her.  It’s really pretty simple.  She is a woman of Pure Intent.

She is very matter-of-fact about her faith and her perspective.  She has a strong faith in God and only asks that He use her in whatever way He sees as best.  She keeps herself open to situations that present themselves to her, and goes with them.  She truly wants what is best for all, and has no selfish agenda or expectations.

Others might see this as wishy-washy or flaky – she has changed jobs more than you are “supposed to.”  She has left the “dream job” when it wasn’t working.  She has no regrets – she does the best she can in each moment, and looks to the future with a smile.

She makes a practice of empowering others.  She smiles and laughs a lot.  I could tell her anything, and she would not judge me.  She would not hold back from telling me what’s on her mind.

How do you pray?  Probably most people know that we are not supposed to pray for “stuff,” as in material things.  But many times people pray for what they want – for situations to resolve in certain ways, for sick people to get better, for wars to end, etc.  Even with the most unselfish agenda – it’s still an agenda with expectations.

Usually people pray for “good” things.  But God uses the “bad” as well as the “good,” the tough as well as the easy. That can be a hard thing to accept.  But it’s not really faith if you can’t accept the whole package.

Does it seem impossible to have Pure Intent?  I don’t really think it’s that hard – you just have to start somewhere.

First, you have to decide that you want to pursue that path.  And then you pray in a way that is very simple, with no agenda.

In your own words, just ask God to use you in whatever way is in the best interest of all.  Ask for support and guidance in making decisions and living your life.  Ask for greater understanding and comfort with the way things are.  That’s pretty much it.  Then, let your ego step back, and enjoy the ride!

Ironically, when a person truly has Pure Intent, good things happen for them.  They might not be exactly the things that were expected – usually they are even better.

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Issue # 59: Earth-Keeper Chronicles – April 6, 2011

“Midnight in the Garden of Power and Love”

Archangel Metatron via James Tyberonn

(reblogged)

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“Greeting Beloved, I am Metatron, Lord of Light. I greet you all in Unconditional Love!!

Masters, your life is a magnificent journey of ever continuing exploration.

Many of you in metaphysics are familar with the term, “Take your Power, stand in your Truth.

Indeed this is appropriate, for Love does indeed require a necessary component of great strength. Both power and love are sciences and arts that many of you have devoted many lifetimes to learning. You have had lifetimes devoted to servitude to learn the aspects of love, and in the process put others before the self, and in the process the frequencial aspect of self love, self worth were somewhat misunderstood, and diminished.

You have had many lifetimes devoted to developing love and developing strength. Oft these became quite polarized. In bringing the two together, the nuances of power must be refined and indeed shifted. You see, within these the retrieval of what may be termed soul fragmentation may be faced and brought through great effort into Mer-Ka-Nic harmony.

And then Dear Ones, when the two segments of Power and Love are integrated, another process of refining the two incurs, and it is complex.

That refinement then, is the ‘Garden of Power and Love’, and it requires the extreme distillation of knowledge into wisdom.

You see every level of advancements creates a new paradigm, and each new paradigm brings with it more complex puzzles to solve. Certainly the challenges facing one on the verge of Mastery, are far different and far more complex than one in the initial stages of life in duality.

Polarity of Love & Power

And so then it is inevitable that as your reach accelerated stages, you will be forced to make choices that are less immediately apparent. These are oft no longer obvious choices between what may be termed ‘love & hate’ or ‘good and evil’ in the subtlest of manners, the choices shift between LOVE and POWER. Each gain achieved, carries you into higher realms, higher dimensions, and indeed the polarity paradigm differs in each new stage.

You see, Love and Power are perhaps the most compelling and complex of life lessons. True Power exists within the gracefulness of LOVE. But the seeming paradox is that Love also requires the strength of will to complete it in duality.

Midnight in the Garden of Power and Love

So Masters, we tell you that in your advanced completionary path, each of you will face a juncture, a defining yet subtle directional choice that will either take you forward or circle back to again to the same decisional crossroad. It is not the simple choice between evil and good, but rather the choice between illusionary Power and the true path of Love. And so very very often, the path of illusion is taken long before it is realized. It is because what is appropriate for one level of growth, once completed, is not necessarily best suited for the next.

There are certain intermediate sojourns in which the requisite for developing strength of will was indeed the right choice. It was a ‘true or false’ selection, but now the testing becomes far more complex. It is a multiple choice question with an essay…and all of the choices contain some of the answer. But only one contains your full Truth.

The dawning of 2012 is the quickening, the eleventh hour before the midnight of the illuminating morn. It is Midnight in the Garden of Power and Love.

In the crucible of the Ascension, the forks in the road are not always two pronged. A singular path can open to multiple intersections, and none of them are clearly marked.

Accordingly many of you in advanced sojourns have series of lifetimes (within multidimensional time holograms) that follow succinct purpose around the focused study of Love and Power, either one or the other. These lifetimes can become drastically different & separate sequences of experience, and many of you are now in the task of joining the two in final stages of lessoned growth.

In other words, there are specific lifetime quests of learning to create power responsibly that are paralleled within two separate series devoted to learning the aspects of LOVE in one string, and Power in another.

Often these two take such different ‘soul paths’ that the earthly expressions and experimentations of these two contrast so powerfully that what may be termed soul fragmentation can and does occur.

As a case in point, many of you have a series of lifetimes in the ‘cloth’. Lifetimes of servitude in the realms of monkhood, sisterhood, and priesthood et cetera, where the focus is learning the humility and benefit of serving others in open loving nature.

And then you also, in what often expresses itself quite differently, have a connective string of sojourns in explorations of power, where you are in key leadership roles. These lifetimes can be as rulers, leaders in government & commerce, members of ruling dynasties and people of immense commercial wealth.

It is an interesting aspect in the filters of duality that your personality expressions in these two parallel studies often are so starkly dissimilar and contrasting that there is a separation of consciousness polarity between the two. This occurs in somewhat the same fashion, albeit of different purpose in your male/female sojourns. Humans tend to consider that most of their lifetimes are either male or female. Most males in humanity do not recognize or relate to the many lifetimes they have lived in female form, and vice-versa. It is a 3d separation.

And so this differential occurs even more potently in your lifetime strings of learning responsibility of Power and learning the nuances of Love. Both are so comprehensive that completely different environmental and astrological patterning is chosen for these two polar lessons, and a ‘soul chasm separates the two that necessitates bringing them back together.

Lifetimes of Servitude & Lifetimes of Learning Power

So as we have stated, because you all need to learn how to love and also to create responsibly, you plan & have total separate lifetime strings in Power ‘set-ups’ and Love ‘set-ups’ in which the focal study and experience can become so vastly different that they become extremely polarized.

Personalities within each evolve so differently in some cases that what may be termed a soul fragmentation or soul polarization seemingly occurs within the multidimensional holograms of your ‘lifetimes’. Some of you would be quite shocked at the extremities. Many of you in your spiritual contexts would feel repulsed by the personality expressions you have experienced in learning power, and vice versa. Thus the ‘soul fracture….yet all must be harmonized and ‘retrieved’ and reconciled into soul harmony. The good in each must be chosen, and that which does not serve released.

This retrieval and harmony can and must occur. A process of this is taught in the Mer-Ka-Va phase, the second level of the Mer-Ka-Na Crystalline Light Body as well as the third.

Because as you reach the more complex stages of lifetimes then, you blend the two life streams, and this is among the most complex of puzzles, and one of the last pieces required for true Mastery.

And so as you retrieve the soul, and many of you are doing that NOW, you will blend the 2 chains of studies into the present experience. This presents a great challenge, for at times you will come to algorithmic ‘forks in the road’ along the pathway of enlightenment where you must choose between two directions.

A fork in the road appears that will seem to you to be right in either direction. The fork is between Power and Love, and both dear ones are necessary. So the decision is which takes precedent, and that lesson is among the most difficult you will encounter.

Love does not mean allowing someone else to step on your foot, and Power does not mean stepping on others feet who are ‘in the way’ when you are sure you are right.

The Double Edge of Leadership

For those who achieve influential authority in spiritual leadership, the decision process becomes so much more critical, for responsibility to enact the truth is required to keep what has been learned. Influence, Dear Ones, is the double edged sword of spiritual leadership and it must be tempered and ever wielded in wisdom.

All of you are sparks of Creator. All of you are family composed of Divine Mind. So remember as you move forward, to realize that love is a frequencial key that can never be forgotten. Yet there will be times when all humans do forget. And I speak to all of you herewith.

Walking your talk is imperative in spiritual leadership. Yet, as you move forward the pitfalls are more difficult to see, and there may be times when you are less patient with others of different mindset, of lesser advancement. And that in itself is a set-up of trial and growth.

We beseech you to not put yourself on a throne, and do not forsake those who abide in what may appear to you as the dimmer recesses of heart and mind. Do not so quickly condemn those that attempt to cast doubt on you or point fingers for the errors of others even when the accusers refuse to see the faults within themselves.

And while we recognize this is easier said than done, do not turn away from conflict so quickly and self righteously that your haste and knee jerk reaction blinds you to a greater truth. Take time to self review, and do so from a stance of dispassion. Does not one of your ‘Four Agreements tell you to “Never take anything personally?” There is indeed wisdom in this.

We will share another pearl of acumen, and take a moment to deeply consider this: Wisdom does not automatically occur thru the mere collation of knowledge, regardless of how vast. Rather it comes through the intense distillation of experience and self review in pure unbiased thought.

True wisdom can only occur in states of non emotional examination of your experience via your own inner third- person stance! And to do this you must filter out the untoward unconscious beliefs associated with experience in 3 dimensional mind. Do you understand? It is a conceptual shift.

Indeed all of you will at certain points encounter this conceptual shift as a subjective experience of clear mind when you access the fifth dimension. It will enter as a pure unbiased thought and feel like a refreshing invigorating wave. It is a fifth dimensional vibrational matrix that each of you must recognize and then nurture. For it is the mechanism that removes you from the gilded cage of hidden ego-aggrandizement. And when you blend lifetimes of Power and Love all of you will have certain obstacles to clear, that you have not understood were blockages at all because in 3d lesson, they may have served you to get to a certain point of growth.

This will inevitably occur as you retrieve your life-streams of Power and Love into oneness. It will occur as a moment of clarity. It enters in a crystalline wave, a blue tsunami in a field of seeming superconductivity explored and experienced within Mer-Ka-Na.

The Unending Journey of Integrity

But this achievement requires focus and effort in unification. As we have told you so many times, spiritual growth and spiritual leadership is a journey and not a destination. It requires constant self review and recalibration to maintain.

So many through the aeons of time have faulted when the power of leadership leads to ego imbalance. For indeed the steed of POWER can blind and unseat the rider and lead in its speed into rocky paths and untoward grounds.

All of you will be tempted by the seduction of power, all of you…especially when notoriety and celebrity come into play. When the self aggrandizement of ego enters, it oft does so as if through a back window left open, and is unnoticed, unrecognized, because it was not your intent.

The tell-tale marking is revealed when being ‘right’ takes on greater importance than love. And Masters, often the weave of ego into the energy field is so subtle that the fall is unseen by the individual. How many of your wars have been fought in downward spiraled destruction by so called religious factions, fighting over the dogma of what is ‘sacred’, and whose Truth is the real Truth.

Masters, humility is the key. Never take yourself so seriously that you lose sight of your own humanity within duality.

The Spiritual ‘Peter Principle’

We tell you, imbalanced ego is inevitably the culprit that creates, in your vernacular, the spiritual ‘Peter Principle’.

Your ‘Peter Principle’ in business and managerial aspect, states that one can rise to ones level of incompetence. That what gets you promoted on one level, gets you fired on the next! In a slight juggling of syntax, we tell you that in Spiritual Growth, humans often rise to their level of inexperience, and that inexperience can frequently lead to a temporary fall from grace.

When ego leads to arrogance an electrical short circuitry occurs in the base level of the auric field. The requisite 13-20-33 circuitry is then disconnected, the ‘signal’ of clear communication to higher self is lost, displaced by varying waves of static and interference.

Power is a great seduction and temptation. So many metaphysical and spiritual leaders become addicted to adulation. And when this occurs a subtle shift occurs in which they lose 13-20-33 circuitry and not only become ‘stuck’ they actually become ‘energy takers’ in a downward spiral.

A shadow falls between the edges of the middle road in how to maintain the perfect balance of love & power with ego and humility. Love must always be the key, and the ultimate wisdom is learning that surrender to Love carries tremendous Power, and that is Power in its highest form. But hearing the words of Truth is not the same as learning & experiencing TRUTH.

So as you progress, it is truly a gift that trial and error allow you to see your missteps. Each of you will make mistakes, but in these errors of growth it is imperative to always be gentle with yourselves, and also be nurturing of others along their paths. We tell you in certainty that when you review your lives at later stages of retrospect you will be in awe of the journey you have taken. You will marvel at the seeming hardships and personal trials and retrospectively wish you had been more aware of the beauty of all around you, and delighted at the serendipitous juxtapositions of the intricate tests that seemed most difficult. So take time in the NOW, as you move forward to simply delight in your BEINGNESS.

Discernment is Key to Mastery

There are many in metaphysics who carry a great deal of spiritual knowledge who develop the urge to share that knowledge. While this in itself is a positive attribute, it is also necessary to avoid the ego trappings of ‘Spiritual One Upsmanship’ and ‘Guruship’. It is correct to make known the mystery, yet each must use individual discernment to find their own inner voice. The time of the guru is passed. Each of you are now compelled to be your own guide. Discernment is key. If it does not resonate, then reject it.

The goal is to develop the Divinity within self. The goal is not to ‘channel Ascended Masters or Angelics’ rather to channel your own inner Divinity. To be clear, there are indeed souls who channel Ascended Masters and Angels, but this cannot be achieved without first channeling the Divinity of SELF, and access to the Master within you is all that is ever needed or required. Ye are GODs!

And so we end this assay in acumen of TRUTH: Individual discernment is ever the key, for one man’s truth may be another man’s folly. And the manner in which you harmonize multiple TRUTHS is a great test of spirituality.

Closing

Certain life- times are more strategically aligned for quantum leaps.  You are in such an alignment in the present. Accordingly, the present experience for many of you is more poised for critical gain. The myriad frequencial resonances and embellished energies of the Ascension make this so.

Your sojourns upon the Earth are a marvelous opportunity to discover and to explore what is within and without you. You are on an exquisite odyssey of algorithm. The third dimension serves to assist you in moving higher, and thus works hand in hand with the algorithmic puzzle by facilitating and prompting the outward manifestation of inner spirit through frontal mind.

The octaves available in the third dimension are highlighted in your initial tarriance and campaigns of the EarthPlane. But as you progress the third dimension must give way to the higher crystalline octaves of the fifth dimension for true advancement toward Mer-Ka-Nic ‘harmonic enlightenment’.

As each of you progress in spirit and wisdom the path quickens into more challenging & complex sojourns, and the polarity shifts in kind . The forks in the road become less polarized in the obvious demeanor. The clarity between black and white becomes a bit more shaded in gray, and greater thought is required to differentiate the true path of Mastery.

The greatest Power is the Power of Love. Love yourself and love one another, for the unity of LOVE is a great and beautiful accomplishment for mankind in micro and macro. Masters know that we are ever with you and we ever honor you on this incredible journey.

I am Metatron, Lord of Light, and I share with you these Truths.”

… And so it is.

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Last modified: 01/01/2012 19:02:32

He creates the land, the sea, the sky; the above and the below.  And it is good.

God creates all kinds of diversity; the Sun, Moon and Stars.  The animals and fish of the sea.  The birds in the air.  All good.

Then God creates people, humans, male and female (the ultimate opposites!).

The words in the title might be unfamiliar and might seem a little weird.  But the concepts are not new.  To me (and many others, apparently) they represent two ways of thinking and interpreting the world.

Duality is just a word used to talk about opposites.  Consciousness that is defined by Duality is just a way of thinking that focuses primarily on these opposites.  Within this mindset, judgment is inherent.  Everything is good or bad, right or wrong, constructive or destructive, yours or mine.

How do you see it?  Which “side” do you choose?  Can you see both sides? Most of us have had enough life experience to realize that not everything is black or white.  There’s more grey than anything.  The older we get, the less we know for sure.

Notice that in the first chapter of Genesis, many opposite and different things are created, but they are ALL good.

Which brings us to Unity Consciousness, nicely alluded to in Ecclesiastes 3:

• There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
• A time to be born and a time to die,
• A time to plant and a time to uproot,
• A time to kill and a time to heal,
• A time to tear down and a time to build,
• A time to weep and a time to laugh,
• A time to mourn and a time to dance,
• A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
• A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
• A time to search and a time to give up,
• A time to keep and a time to throw away,
• A time to tear and a time to mend,
• A time to be silent and a time to speak,
• A time to love and a time to hate,
• A time for war and a time for peace.

In other words, all these opposites and differences have their place and their time.  There is purpose to all of it.  How can you know something, if you have not faced its opposite?

We are moving into a time of Unity Consciousness, connectedness.  It is a more mature way of thinking.  There is no need to judge, only the opportunity to discern when the time is appropriate.  There is nothing to be afraid of, because everything has its place.  EveryONE has his/her place, even the evil ones.  There is no reason to fight or eliminate evil; rather, opposites create opportunities to learn and gain understanding and wisdom.

How do you see the world?  The choice is not either/or, one or the other (that’s SO 3D, Duality Consciousness!)  Rather, it is a transition:  where are you in the journey toward Unity?

Welcome to the Fifth Dimension!!!

Related topics:

David Lynch on Consciousness, Creativity and the Brain

The movie I AM talks about how we are all connected

(and did you know Tom Shadyac has written a book?)

I always love what Ernie Fitzpatrick has to say about God

The first article in a series of 12 about Living in the Fifth Dimension

As we all know, there is a lot of talk about marriage lately.  What it is and what it isn’t.  People are VERY attached to their views about what marriage should and should not be.  Traditional marriage – what is that, anyway?  Set aside the gender issues for a moment….

The “traditional” model seems to go something like this:  Once you decide to get married and make that promise, as long as the couple stays together, the marriage is a success.  If they split up, it is a failure.

Huh?

When you put it that bluntly, it doesn’t sound quite right, but yet that’s the essence of our marriage paradigm.

We read about marriages in magazines, we have friends with all kinds of marriages, we know people who have split up, we know people who are struggling to hold things together, we know people who don’t want anything to do with marriage.

We all probably know couples that have been married a long time who don’t really get along all that well.  We might even say they have dysfunctional relationships.  They’ve struck a balance, but it’s not all that healthy of a balance.  But the superficial appearance to the outside world is of success.

When couples have been married a long time, others look up to them.  I think this is because we all long for security and love that stands the test of time.  We project these hopes and dreams on others, and we don’t want to hear about break-ups.  We hear about them and we are disappointed and shocked.  This is illustrated by society’s obvious interest in celebrity marriages.  Just read a few magazine articles and note the “fantasy” quality with which they are described.

Being married a long time, it is easy to be tempted to feel superior.  We are the elite, after all.  Uhh…not!  I am not an inherently better person because of the number of years I have been married.  But I see this attitude all the time.

I think we need to redefine success in marriage.  I have a friend who has been saying this lately:  Years ago, people got married and they only expected to live another 15 years – not 50.  People change over time, and how can we expect a relationship that worked at age 20 to still work at age 70?  Why can’t a “successful” marriage consist of 5 or 10 good years?

So what do we see happening when relationships are not working?  If we label this situation a FAILURE, then the next thing we want to do is figure out who or what we can BLAME for the FAILURE.   Who is WRONG?  Why did it go BAD?

Can you see how this cycle is so destructive?

Because not only do we want to decide who is at fault for the FAILURE of the relationship, we then start to look for evidence to justify why one party is RIGHT and the other party is WRONG.  This paradigm is set up to perpetuate conflict and competition, rather than cooperation and understanding.  Friends and family then feel pressure to take sides.

Marriage is not a sport.  It’s not a competition.  There should be no need to take sides.  We don’t need to keep score.  The sooner we get over this paradigm, the better.

Rather than longevity, I think we need to focus on the quality of the relationship.  If we reframe the idea of success to focus on quality, not quantity, we will focus on what matters, not on superficial appearances.

Every couple is different.  What works for us won’t necessarily work for you.  What worked for us 25 years ago probably won’t, and probably shouldn’t, work for us now.  As individuals grow, couples need to grow and adapt.  Add kids and the challenges of work and extended family and the rest of life, and you have a complex set of issues that must be balanced as well.

We like simplicity.  If we can just follow a couple of rules, that’s easy.  But life and relationships are way more complicated than a few simple rules.  We need to get comfortable with the complexity and realize that relationships involve effort and compromise.

And the reality is, sometimes relationships just aren’t working any more.  Obviously, if half of marriages end in divorce, we cannot deny this fact.

For whatever reason, I’m close to several really nice guys who have been divorced in the last few years.  In a few instances, they have shared stories with me that if repeated, would be situations that most people would readily judge as just terrible.  My point is that I could easily perpetuate the old paradigm and get into “who is right and who is wrong” and get you to decide that these guys were “right.”  And I’m sure the “other side” if given the chance, could make these guys out to be jerks, just as well.  See what a losing proposition it is to play that game?

But what matters, to me, is the way these guys view their situations.  They have very thoughtful, philosophical attitudes about what happened.  They say things like, “I still love her, she’s a great girl,” and “She’s just following her heart.”   These guys have learned forgiveness and understanding.  Despite breakups, they still want what’s best for their ex.  It’s actually very impressive.  They have become wiser.

Are these guys “failures”?  I think not.  Yet I know from talking to them, they can get down on themselves and feel hopeless and very lonely and defeated.

On the other side of the coin, I’ve spoken to women who are just fed up, who are done with the idea of marriage.  One of the guys I mentioned, after dating for the past couple of years, concludes that most women out there are just too hurt and damaged from previous relationships.  I am sure being labeled a “failure” hasn’t helped any women out there, either.

Obviously, there are women and men who have been in “good” and “bad” situations, but again, life is complicated, and if we look for it, there is enough blame to go around. What we need more of is compassion, understanding and acceptance, so people can heal their wounds.

Marriage is not a game to be won or lost.  It is very personal.  You can never know what another relationship is like, because you haven’t lived it.  So why feel the need to have expectations of another person’s relationship?

What matters is whether we are turning experience into wisdom.  That’s the only result that counts.

Well, my kids were really little, not much more than 2 and 3 or so.  I can’t remember where or how or why we got this game, but I was amazed at how quickly they picked up how to use the mouse, etc.  This was the late 1990s, back in the old days!

One of the games involved socks hanging on a clothesline.  The socks were white and red, and the object of the game was to put the red socks in the basket labeled for red socks, and the white socks in the one labeled for white socks.  You had to click on the hanging sock, and drag it to the basket.  Obviously, this was a really simple game, and probably had more to do with teaching “using the mouse” skills than anything.

What was fascinating was watching how my two kids played the game.  My daughter, who is younger, always played perfectly.  She understood the game, the rules, the object of the game, how to use the mouse, etc.  So, when I checked her “scores” they were always perfect.  Perfect.

My son, who is just as “smart” as his sister, and was a year older at the time, played the game differently.  No question he understood the game, the rules, the object of the game, how to use the mouse, etc.

Even at this young age, my son was not constrained by the rules.  He soon figured out that if you tried to drag the sock to the wrong basket, it would quickly hop back up to the clothesline.  This was much more fun and exciting than dragging the socks to the “correct” basket, so he would just mess around and play with the game.  If I checked his score, it was not “perfect.”  If I had relied on his score to tell me what he understood, it would not have told me the real story.

In reality, his approach to the game allowed him to learn more – what happens “if”?

You will not be surprised to hear that, years later, he is the kid who has gotten in trouble for “coloring outside the lines.”  He does not do well with authority figures, especially the ones who don’t have good reasons for their rules.  He asks way too many “why” questions.  He is not easy — in fact, he’s exhausting at times.  But he is going to be the most amazing, creative, innovative adult I can imagine.

Also, you will not be surprised to hear that, years later, my daughter is very successful in school.  She knows how to play the game.  A soccer coach once called her the most coachable kid she ever had.  This kid takes advice.  She has gotten the label “model student” several times.  She gets along.

Turns out, she also has a mischievous side, a killer sense of humor, and a quiet strength to go along with her “get along” traits.  Life is going to be easy for her, but I do wonder if sometimes she may be underestimated.  We shall see, but I have no doubt this is going to be another amazing adult.

When I think about this simple example of how differently my own two kids handled a simple task at such a young age, I laugh at how truly indicative this was of their personalities and approaches to life.  They were born with this.  I did not teach them differently.  I’ve learned that I can’t interact with them the same way at all.  It’s a constant balancing act, attempting to be “fair” and to give each what they need.

I cannot label one “good” and the other “bad” – they are just two different people.  Our educational system wants to label one “right” and the other “wrong.”  But in life, in the real world, we need individuals, unique approaches, as much diversity as we can get.  We don’t really want everyone to be the same, do we?

“This approach to life is non-dogmatic, helps people to find their own answers, and seeks to unite by revealing the richnesses that lie within our diversity.”

To seek out the disciplined and skilled ways of the hunter is the only true honour we may rightfully claim, and to seek the impeccability of the hunter’s spirit is the only possible justification for our existence.

The impeccability of a warrior does not allow him to become obsessed with the possible outcome of his actions. Winning or losing is not in any way his concern – he is merely absorbed in the challenge of the moment. To become obsessed is to lose control, something a warrior cannot afford to do, for a warrior must be calm and always keep his wits about him.

“Time is the essence of impeccability. It is only the sense of mortality which engenders in man the desire to act impeccably.”

In observing warriors one can easily be led to believe that they are extremely self-confident people. However, it should be realised that there is an enormous difference between what man generally terms self-confidence and the deeper implications of the term. This term is important in that it clarifies the difference between two distinct concepts, namely impeccability and perfection. It is not easy to define impeccability without getting caught up in the concept of perfection, and yet there is a fine distinction between the two. This distinction lies in the difference between arrogance and humility, two further concepts which can only be understood through the term self-confidence. If we are to come to grips with the Warrior’s Path these terms must be carefully defined.

“Self-confidence, as it is generally understood, implies arrogant presumption; humility implies being impeccable in one’s actions and feelings.”

Since the warrior does not regard himself as being more important or less important than his fellow man, it does not matter to him if he loses face in the eyes of his fellow men. In other words, the warrior does not strive to be self-important and therefore does not care about public approval. This freedom from having to seek approval is true humility.

Since he no longer has to fear the impact his actions may have upon his sense of self-importance, the warrior’s only consideration is to act upon his own knowledge to the very best of his ability. Accordingly, a warrior understands self-confidence to mean confidence in one’s own ability to act like an impeccable warrior. It is obvious how different these two approaches are, and yet people often make the mistake of confusing the act of seeking approval with self-confidence. In seeking approval from his fellow men, man very rarely acts freely upon his own knowledge. To avoid acting according to one’s own knowledge merely to win the favour of someone else, is to be unimpeccable.

Impeccability is to act to the very best of your ability upon whatever knowledge happens to be available to you at any given moment. Time is the essence of impeccability; it is only the sense of mortality which engenders in man the desire to act impeccably.

When man is called upon to consider the concept of impeccability he usually cannot distinguish between perfection and impeccability. However, perfection is not at all the same as impeccability. To strive for perfection has the hidden motive of wanting to be the best. There is nothing wrong with this provided that one does not want to be the best merely to gain recognition or approval from one’s fellow men.

From the moment we are born death begins to stalk us. In the presence of death any act, regardless of size or significance, can be one’s last. Death can find one doing the shopping, driving one’s car, eating a meal, spending time with a loved one, or simply watching a beautiful sunset. If any act is going to be one’s last on earth, then it makes sense that it should be the finest of all one’s actions, and that one should savour every detail of those last few moments.

To live one’s life in the knowledge that every moment, that every act, matters, is to fill one’s life with uncountable riches and to imbue all one’s actions with that quality termed impeccability. It does not matter to the impeccable warrior that his life or his actions may be less than perfect. In living his life to the full, and in performing each action to the best of his ability, the warrior has no regrets and suffers no remorse. A life lived in this way is rich in joy and wonder, because there are no missed opportunities and no lost moments of pleasure.

In his pursuit of perfection man never fully enjoys the present moment, or his present situation, and therefore rarely gives of his best. Instead man lives a life which is only vaguely happy, filled as it is with undesired experiences only partially perceived, and half-hearted actions which are less than impeccable.

Perfection is a stupid waste of time and personal power, whereas impeccability replenishes personal power.

Should a warrior feel the need to be comforted, he simply chooses anyone or anything, be it a friend, dog, or mountain, to whom he expresses his innermost feelings. It does not matter to the warrior if he is not answered, or if he is not heard, because the warrior is not seeking to be understood or helped – by verbalising his feelings he is merely releasing the pressure of his battle. Such is the predilection of a warrior, and such is the impeccability of his spirit.

The prime requirement for walking the Warrior’s Path is the state of impeccability, but to achieve this we must sacrifice our view of the world. The principal constituent of this view is the belief that we have unlimited time on this earth. In this, reason is ever leading us astray, because reason delights in making us believe that it understands everything, and has it all under control. Yet there is very little to understand other than the fact that we all have incredible abilities and awesome potentials which never surface unless a sword is dangling overhead.

Accordingly, the warrior chooses to live by challenge and acknowledges the fact that he cannot afford to behave like an immortal being. The warrior does not waste his time in complaining about his life, nor does he waste his personal power in blaming others. Living on the very edge of life the warrior is always ready to seize his fleeting moment of chance and to claim his power. The warrior is an impeccable being fighting for his freedom, and in his struggle he sees life for what it truly is.

It is the prime requisite of a warrior’s being that his control must be impeccable; therefore he never allows anything to affect him. A warrior may be staring death in the face, but his actions will reveal nothing.

All of us must one day die. If we are to die tomorrow, or next year, then why not today, right now? In man’s fear of death he will avoid it at all costs, even at the expense of an honourable life. Although the warrior too fears death, he nevertheless also knows it to be his constant companion, and his best advisor. Therefore, the warrior does not try to avoid death, but knows that as long as he treats it with the utmost respect it will guide him into living an impeccable life which is filled with richness, power and the excitement of challenge.

Having witnessed the very essence of life and death, there is nothing in this world which a warrior cannot contend with, although to judge from his behaviour one would never suspect this.

Toltecs claim that to live the impeccable life of a warrior is the only justification for man being endowed with the priceless gift of life.

Also inherent within the title of ‘Toltec’ is the poignant truth concerning the warrior’s battle against old age. In choosing the Path of Total Freedom, the warrior has also relinquished the will to delay the aging process, and for that matter, death. As a result, the warrior knows that he is fighting a losing battle, and yet the impeccability of his spirit is such that he does not despair, nor does he resent the fact that he will never defeat this, his final enemy. Instead the warrior gives this battle his all, and allows his spirit to flow free and clear to rejoice in the wonder of the definitive journey. As incomprehensible as this may be from the angle of average man’s normal awareness, the warrior who is fighting the battle against old age is in effect going to his death singing!

By acknowledging the fact that his time upon earth is limited and that he can die at any given moment, the warrior turns his ordinary time into magical time; and by living in the moment and by taking full responsibility for his actions, the warrior achieves that alertness which makes each one of his acts an expression of his discipline and his predilection. This is the true meaning of the impeccability of the warrior’s spirit.

An apprentice starts off with the certainty that only by disciplining himself into becoming an impeccable warrior can he live his life without regrets, but by the time he has achieved warriorship, he knows beyond all controversy that impeccability of the spirit is for him his innermost predilection.

By being wide awake, and by living on the edge at all times, the warrior is capable of meeting his challenges impeccably in the moment. Every challenge met with impeccability yields personal power, and in having more personal power the warrior is able to intensify his awareness. This intensification obviously allows the warrior to see ever deeper meanings in the occurrences within his daily life, and these deeper meanings in turn ultimately lead him into seeing the interrelationship of life.

All our challenges in life are there so that we may learn the true value of the priceless gift of life and, in doing so, also learn what it is to take charge of the huge responsibility inherent within knowledge. This is true no matter whether we are the so-called victors or victims. Therefore, if we wish to acquire the impeccability of the warrior’s spirit, we cannot afford to take our circumstances in life at face value, but must strive instead to find the gifts of power they bring us.

So you might find this interesting.  It fits very well with a lot of the things I have read.   To me, the idea that we are here to learn lessons takes away the worry  and guilt associated with a lot of what happens, especially the challenges.  If we look at them as valuable learning experiences (that our soul actually wants to have), rather than something that was done “wrong”, what a relief!  The other souls that share our journey are here to help us to grow.

(I’m adding this in April 2013:  a description of the process where souls were created is in the post A Process with a Purpose found here.  You might find that interesting as well   )

The following is from this website:  http://2012themayanprophecies.blogspot.com/2010/09/hierarchy-of-soul-mates-and-twin-souls.html

Monday, September 27, 2010

Hierarchy of Soul Mates and Twin Souls

There are basic categories of soul-connections that can be identified. We recognize them because of the role the souls play in each others lives and the energy underlying the connection.

Even as I write this, I do so for the purpose of helping you understand that not all soul-relationships are supposed to last an earth life of forever nor are they meant to be a feel good experience in many cases. We experience soul-mates for the primary purpose of helping us remember who WE are and to further our spiritual awakening while in these human bodies. There are numerous soul-encounters that can happen in our lives; this is simply an attempt to clarify the major categories.

Kindred Spirit:

While not actually related at the soul-level, we feel warm, comfortable and quickly at ease with these people. We share a profound mutual understanding of people and situations based on our similar soul age, spiritual values, and most likely metaphysical abilities. We energetically vibrate at a similar level, yet do not have the familial ties as with a member of our soul-family.

Primary: Parent, child, relative, friend

Primary soul-mates stay the course with us for years, often a lifetime. We experience the ebb and flow of life together. While these relationships have ups and downs they are about teaching us how to forgive, to love in a sustainable way- not for what someone can give us but for exactly who they are; faults and all (parents and siblings for example). These souls teach us about acceptance in a universal way. Over time we realize that we have chosen each other for lessons that could have come no other way. It is essential that you forgive these souls for any trauma they caused you. It is critical for your own health, but in terms of hierarchy of soul mates, you will never draw to you a high level soul mate until you have completely forgiven all primary soul mates.

Junior Soul Mate: Teacher, friend, person in line at the store, pal you meet on vacation

These souls might fulfill their role in an instant, or can be with you for a period of time. They won’t stay with you long, but you will probably never forget them. These souls may say something to you that changes the course of your life. Their impact is powerful and there is no ability to ignore the prompt they bring you. If what they teach you “stings” at first, it will become one of those lessons you are most grateful for after you reach a certain level of spiritual awareness.

Karmic Partner:

Romantic partner, friend, fling

Ready set go with these. There is instant recognition. If it is a romantic relationship, the physical chemistry is intense. It is intense enough that the souls may choose to enjoy the physical expression while ignoring the little voice that says “there are issues here”. These relationships burn intensely and typically end on terms that are unpleasant. These relationships are designed to teach major lessons that can only be taught by someone we love. When these relationships end, it’s often one sided or out of anger rather than a slow fizzle. The person being “left” learns resiliency amongst other things and there could be many reasons why the leaver leaves; but they must learn how to end a relationship with mutual respect rather than an unexplained departure. If they don’t learn this (either party), they will continue these kinds of relationships in this lifetime & the next until they learn the valuable lessons that ONLY these connections can teach. The sting of these breakups whether romantic or from someone you felt certain would be your friend forever can be devastating. This category of soul-mate bond is designed to teach you more about yourself than anything in your life to date. If you learn what is intended, you are preparing at the soul level for a High Level Soul Mate.

Karmic Companion: Friend, romantic partner, parent/child

There is not a lot of drama in these relationships. You’ve worked through most of your karma with these souls in prior lives. These relationships feel like a break from the intensity of other kinds of soul relationships. That can be a welcome change! They are based on friendship rather than passion. Certainly you will have some ups and downs and disagreements, but the overall purpose is that of companionship. The lessons in these relationships progress over time rather than being shoved down your throat. Karmic Companions can share any length of physical time together. A romantic or friendship Karmic Companion can last a lifetime; however if you separate things generally fizzle out rather than end suddenly. You will sense it’s time to move on. There is a sense of maturity – “It is time we go our separate ways” and you will wish the best for your partner. It’s a very “mature feeling” soul-mate bond.

Senior or High-Level Soul Mate

Romantic partner

Like meeting a Karmic Soul-Mate there is usually instant recognition- through the energy field or through the eyes. The desire to be with and truly know the other person at the soul level is intense. Partners at this level feel such joy to have discovered each other. It is often said there is a feeling of “coming home”. There is deep and abiding friendship. The partners are willing to sacrifice something for themselves to benefit their mate. They discover that their mates completeness seems to mean as much as their own… yet they experience that without dismissing their own growth or happiness. There is a perfect and easy balance of “Me/You/Us”. When problems do arise- and they will because we’re human- the partners have the soul/mind tools to quickly rectify the situation and return to a place of harmony. These are ways in which you’ll recognize the difference between a Senior Soul-Mate and a Karmic Soul-Mate. Partners at this level have learned to balance the need to remain self with the skills necessary to be a soul-based team.

Twin Flame- Two Souls Created From the Same Energetic Unit- Your Souls Most Complementary Partner

There is not always instant recognition. Twin Flame recognition occurs at the energetic/soul level rather than at the physical, although physical attraction typically follows. There is a compulsion toward each other that exceeds anything either has experienced in the past. It defies logic or rational thought. The Twins have trouble making eye contact at the beginning. That is because they have knowledge of everything about the other simply by looking into the eyes. This is a major responsibility and it is sensed by both parties. While a Senior Soul Mate can be recognized through the eyes, a Twin Flame perceives everything about their Twin through the eyes. There are elements unique to a Twin Flame pair that do not exist in other soul-connections. While all soul-mate relationships serve to further the spiritual growth of the individuals, Twin Flames meet for a purpose beyond the individual.

They must join their energy/souls to bring light, love and healing to the planet and its inhabitants. When these two unite, there is an exponential explosion of energy that is greater than the sum of the individual parts. Being presented your Twin Flame is the ultimate spiritual responsibility and should not be belittled by romanticizing the nature of the work to be done by the Twins.

This is not necessarily an either/or proposition or even that big of a deal.  You can open up a little bit, let someone see your more acceptable “faults” and they are still most likely to accept you and maybe even love you.  This strategy is a pretty safe bet for most of us.  We can find a pretty good balance doing this, and keeping certain imperfections or experiences to ourselves really isn’t that big a deal.  Why rock the boat?  In many cases, there isn’t any dramatic big secret to keep, so it’s easy enough to get along and fit in.

But let’s go back and take another look at my initial statement.  What about being “perfect”??

Maybe it’s not that we want people to be perfect, it’s more that we want them to be as we EXPECT them to be.  Within the “acceptable” range, we can tolerate some quirkiness, some minor indiscretions, maybe even one major slip that has been forgiven.  There might be a sordid past, but if a person has obviously learned their lessons, they are not really “like that.”  We forgive and forget, especially with those we know and love.

Usually, we choose to spend our time with others with whom we have a lot in common, who are in the same social circles, so we are less likely to run into serious incompatibilities or surprises.  We give our friends the benefit of the doubt.  After all, they are “like us” and we know that we are basically good at heart and don’t mean any harm, so they must be the same.

When we surround ourselves with others who are similar, it’s easier to sail along without disruption.  If you avoid conflict and differences, you don’t have to deal with them.

But then there are the Unforgivable Sins.

Child molestation.  Rape.  Murder.  Adultery.  Abortion.  Homosexuality.  Teen pregnancy.  Criminal activity.  Domestic violence.  Drug use.  Drug dealing.  Drunk driving.  Smoking.  Suicide.  Being an atheist.  Being Muslim.  Corporate Greed.  Laziness.  Bullying.

As Christians, we are told not to judge yet we don’t think that applies to unforgivable sins.  Few will find fault with condemning child molesters, rapists, terrorists, and murderers.   They should get what they deserve.  But that is still judging.  I have heard people rant with passion about many of the above categories.

You might not like that I am putting murderers and homosexuals, for example, in the same list.  I do not personally think these categories of people are in any way the same, except that they both get condemned.  In fact, I don’t like categorizing people at all – I put them in categories to illustrate how we label, judge, and dismiss large groups of individuals, and we do it all the time without thinking about it.  And most likely, if you are reading this, you don’t consider homosexuality to be an “unforgivable sin.”  But how about murder and child molestation?  Do you really think those can be forgiven?

What’s on your list of Unforgivable Sins?  Obviously, not everyone’s list will be the same.  Whose list is “right”?

As one goes down the list, the level of condemnation starts to get fuzzy, especially if you have had a personal experience in which you or someone you are close to has had to grapple with that particular “moral issue.”  It’s also obvious that each Unforgivable Sin is unique.  I’m guessing many people would be tempted to spend some time arguing why certain ones “should” be in the list and others “shouldn’t”.  Who is “right?”

Granted, many of the categories in the list represent the “extreme” issues.  Let’s get back to being perfect or meeting expectations.  Maybe you aren’t worried about those major issues, but what about the minor Sins and Expectations? How well-defined is the box you would like others to fit into?

I find Ernie Fitzpatrick’s thoughts on forgiveness very interesting.  He asks, “What if God doesn’t forgive, because God doesn’t judge?”  “Can you handle such love?”  My question to you is:  Can you offer that kind of love?

What Ernie is saying, is that to God there is no such thing as an Unforgivable Sin.  Wait, doesn’t that sound familiar?  I’ve heard that somewhere before….

In a culture that condemns certain “sinners” forever, shuns them, bans them, does not tolerate mistakes or differences, there is NO WAY OUT.   Once a person slips up or doesn’t fit in (or worse yet, gets labeled), self-preservation kicks in.  If possible, mistakes are hidden.  There is the fear of being found out, and holes may be dug.  Some will continue to deny the obvious (i.e., Jerry Sandusky) to the point of absurdity.  Others will take their own lives.

Most important, in a zero tolerance atmosphere it is very difficult to get help, to focus on prevention, to find support, to come up with solutions.  So situations and problems, and the potential for more problems, dysfunction, misunderstandings, repeat behavior, all get worse.

Sarah McBride’s story proves there is a different way to handle perceived Unforgiveable Sins.  We can throw away those lists, and stop expecting others to be just like us.  Instead, we can be open and focus on understanding people as individuals.  We don’t have to be like them and they don’t have to be like us.  We don’t even have to hang out with them or be their friend, if that doesn’t feel right.  And yes, maybe it’s easier to accept Sarah than some others.  After all, she’s a super great person, well spoken, honest, brave and accomplished.

But what about the others we have condemned as unforgivable, for whatever reason?  We don’t have to condone bad behavior and violence.  Yet we can fight to make the world a better place without the need to condemn, especially with anger and contempt.  We can always choose to react with compassion first.

The video that can be found at the following link complements this discussion.  I ordered the book Practical Wisdom today, and am looking forward to reading it!

practical-wisdom-barry-swartz

Growing up, I was a good girl.  I was nice.  I didn’t make waves.  I did what I was supposed to do.  I got along with most everyone.  I got good grades, the teachers liked me, I was a good sport.  I avoided conflict.

Once you get the “good girl” label, and it really sticks, you don’t get questioned.  As long as you maintain your appearance, you don’t really have to be as perfect as everyone thinks you are.  I could have gotten away with all kinds of stuff.  No one believes that a good girl would ever do anything bad!

Then there are the bad boys.  They fight.  They’re stinky and loud.  They ask too many questions.  They break the rules.  They fidget.  Need I go on?

We expect boys to be bad.  Of course they are going to get in trouble.  It’s what boys do.  We have to tame them, get them to conform, break their spirits if they are too feisty.  With boys, we sigh knowingly and assume the worst.

Has anyone else ever noticed all the mixed messages and judgments we hand out in the form of generalizations?

• “Peer pressure is bad.”
• “Get along with your friends.  You need to pick up on social cues.”

• “Look at what a wonderful man Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was – he spoke out against injustice!”
• “Too bad, kid, life is not fair – you just have to deal with it.”

• “Strangers are bad, don’t talk to strangers.”
•  ”Teacher knows best, do what your teacher tells you.”

We make blanket judgments about entire groups of people all the time.  It makes it easier to hurry through life.  Hang out with the good people; avoid the bad people.  Listen only to what the good people say; those bad people are idiots.  What’s kind of crazy when you think about it, is that there isn’t even a consensus about who belongs on what list!

To me, this is just laziness.  It’s a bad habit.  I, for one, try not to let myself fall into that trap.  But heck, I’m not perfect – even good girls sometimes mess up.

There is nothing wrong with you when you feel hurt, lonely, angry, scared, or whatever.  You are just being a normal person!

Unfortunately, many have bought into the idea that you “shouldn’t” feel certain ways.  Rather than acknowledging how they feel, they ignore, deny, and repress emotions, and then they feel guilty about it.  This is not healthy.

Just like your feelings cannot be “wrong”, the way you see the world cannot be “wrong.”  Your perspective is uniquely yours.  It will be different from almost every other human being in the world, sometimes in big ways and sometimes not so big ways.  Your perspective is based on your personal life experiences; no one else has lived your life, shared all your feelings, or faced the challenges you have faced.  So, of course you will have your own worldview!

There is nothing “wrong” with this!  Why would anyone want to ignore their own personal “story” and adopt a one-size-fits-all view of the world?  Why would we try to convince anyone else that they should see the world only from our perspective?

But people do this all the time.  They think they should see the world in the way they have been told to do so.  We learn to ignore our feelings, our experiences, our observations, our own conclusions, because we think we “shouldn’t” stray from the accepted paradigm that has been mapped out for us.

It is possible to share how we feel and our point of view, without pushing it on others.  But this is a skill that is rare.  But it’s not a hard skill to develop!

I would argue that the quality of the relationships we have with others can be highly dependent on how tolerant we are of the perspectives of others.  You don’t have to agree with them, but you can attempt to understand.

If you choose to listen to others, respect and accept their views, share your perspective with them without pushing yours, and basically treat them the way you would like to be treated, you will most likely be someone they like to spend time with.  You will most likely develop close relationships.  People will feel safe sharing with you.  They will feel understood.  And you will enjoy some lively discussion!

On the other hand, if you are so attached to your own perspective that you cannot bear to listen to others who don’t think like you, if you are a strong advocate for your own way of seeing the world, if you intimidate and manipulate others, don’t be surprised when other people avoid spending time with you!  Don’t be surprised when they clam up, and don’t expect them to share their innermost thoughts and dreams!

Have you had this experience?  You attend a party, or a meeting, or visit some place.  Maybe it’s just a conversation that you have.  Others are with you.  Later, when you hear them describe what happened, they have a completely different take on it than you do, and maybe you ask yourself, were we even in the same place?

How about the news?  Depending on whether or not you read the paper, or which news channel you tune in, or who you discuss current events with, you hear very different interpretations of what’s going on.  But we all live in the same world, right?  How can our “stories” be so different?

What IS, actually, REAL?

I’m not talking about the facts of events, although that is a related topic.  I’m talking about our “spin” and the story we view as “true”.

Think about a “bad” situation you have lived through or witnessed.  Pick a good one, meaning a really bad situation.  What is the story you have adopted about this?  Do you focus on the bad aspects or the good ones?  Wait, you might say, you told me to pick a bad situation, there’s not any “good” there!

I would argue that there is good in every situation, even in the ones that seem to be all bad.  And that is what I am talking about when I talk about the power of optimism.  There is always some good there.  It may be hidden, and it may be indirect, and you might not see it for a long time after.

The most important thing, in my opinion, is to realize that how you view the world is YOUR CHOICE.  You can spend your time thinking and talking about how bad everything is, how stupid people are, how corrupt the government is, etc.  I know lots of people who are on this track, and it’s an easy one to get sucked into.  The reality that is created by this is full of fear, unhappiness and bad guys.

Then there are others who choose to make the best out of every situation.  They are resilient.  They laugh at their own mistakes.  They forgive others, and assume that others have good intentions.  They make the best of what they’ve got.  And the reality that they see is full of faith, happiness and amazing people.

I’m not saying this is necessarily easy.  But the first step is to be aware of this dynamic, and to watch yourself and how you react to the world, and then to maybe make a conscious choice to be the optimist.

Even those people who seemingly have the worst situations you can imagine, can see the good and the potential good in life.  Here’s an amazing example.  The video is very evangelical (which may or may not resonate with you) but that’s not why I’m including it.  See beyond that aspect while you watch it, and notice how Nick and Bethany have chosen to view their own stories with optimism.  Each of these two amazing people have created a happy, positive world around themselves.  (Also I have to note that this is filmed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village on Waikiki Beach, a place near and dear to my heart, and that just makes it all the more perfect.)

Think about how different the world would be, if every single person chose to have this kind of outlook on life.  Our world would be an entirely different place.  And it would be REAL.

We all know that going through labor is the natural process that leads to the wonderful miracle that is the birth of a child.  When we think about it, it’s one of those things that is hard to wrap your head around.  Miracles are that way.  After we witness the miracle, we focus on how wonderful it is, and we naturally forget about the painful parts that got us there.  It’s just how human nature works.  And, no surprise, right now I’m thinking about this as a metaphor.

Let’s talk about the process.  I’ve had three children.  I can share my experiences of going through the process and the perspective I gained from this.  But I also understand that each experience is unique (which is an important attribute of the metaphor).

I am always annoyed by how the movies portray women going into labor.  They make it look as if there are no warning signs, that all of a sudden there is great pain and panic that surprises everyone involved.  The reality is that there are lots of signs that indicate this experience is coming.  Not the least of which is, you know you are pregnant!  Duh!!  With all the preparation we go through, with all the conversations we have with friends and family, all the expectations, all the classes we do or do not attend, I’m here to tell you no one is surprised that they go into labor.  Panicked, sure, but not surprised.

I’ve always thought, too, that part of the plan is that you get so big and can’t sleep and get so miserable, that despite the fact that you are afraid of the process, when you get to the point where the time is near, you are so done with the whole thing, you are just so ready, you just want to jump off that cliff and get the whole thing over with.

And the reality is, the process is gradual.  My sister-in-law just felt weird and off the night before she went into labor.  I know the first pains I was aware of, each time, were not so bad, and not so often.  I knew it was starting, but the whole process builds so that you can get a little used to what’s coming.

I wasn’t into taking the classes to try and have a natural childbirth.  I was all for the epidural and not having to deal with the worst of the pain.  It wasn’t until my third child, who came faster, during shift change at the hospital, when the anesthesiologist got called to do a c-section, the nurse disappeared, and I was left with the prospect of having nothing between me and hard labor.

In your head, you know what’s going on and that you will get through it and survive.  You know it won’t take forever.  But it’s scary as hell and hurts like hell.  In the middle of the pain of those contractions, you are thrown into the depths of the unknown, and in that moment you have no idea how you are going to get through it.  No one can make it better. If you’re lucky, you have someone to reassure you, to hold your hand. But they know, and you know, that this is all on you.  No one is going to go through this for you. We’ve all heard about the women that curse out their husbands, or the women that scream.  (My roommate in Maternity didn’t believe me that I was the one the entire ward heard screaming bloody murder.)   There is nothing that you can do to change what is happening.  No going back.  You logically know you will get through it, but you cannot believe that you will at the same time.  Really, it is quite an experience.

It gets worse and worse, harder and harder.  But then that baby is born.  Almost instantly, you forget everything.  All you see is the miracle.  Nothing else matters, it’s gone.  Sure, if you think about it, you do remember, but the weight of the memory fades very quickly, and it’s mostly intellectual, not emotional.  It no longer has a hold on you.  If this were not the case, nobody would have more than one child, I think.

So, about the metaphor…if we call it “spiritual rebirth”, what do we mean by that?  If it involves “labor pains” then I guess we can’t get through the process without the pain.  We aren’t experiencing the pain because we are doing something wrong – it’s just the way the process works.  We can try to numb it, but the real, natural way involves moments of intense pain, discomfort, fear/terror, hopelessness…and we can’t really know it until we experience it. No one can adequately describe it for you or prepare you for it.  When the time comes, you know you will get through it, you have to get through it.  At that point, it is too late to go back – you have no choice.  At least there are the periods of rest and recovery, in preparation for the next contraction.  You find yourself taking it one step at a time. The pains get more intense, and more frequent.  But, the natural consequence of the process, at the end, is a miracle.  And we know that when we experience the miracle, all the fear and pain will be forgotten, and seen as worth it, every little bit.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a great description of what I call denial-based reality.

Here’s a really simple, universal example:  When you greet someone, and say, “Hi, how are you?” are you likely to get an honest answer?  Mostly, you will get, “Fine, how are you?” despite the fact that the other person may or may not have major or minor issues that they are dealing with.  It’s not REALLY asking and it’s not REALLY telling.  It’s how our society runs so much of the time, on the surface.

Realistically, some of this is necessary.  If we tried to deal with all the problems that there are out there, all at once, it could be really overwhelming.  There is an unspoken agreement not to dump all of our problems on others, without having really been asked.

Moving beyond Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is a gradual process.  It’s a change in mindset that I believe is a positive step, and it’s not as hard as you think.   But we have to be aware of the dynamics of our communications with others.

So, when do we really ask?  How often?  How many times are we aware that a friend seems a little “off”, yet we don’t “go there”?  Why?

Part of the answer is probably that people aren’t used to being asked.  When is the last time someone actually asked about you, with the intent to really listen and understand, without judging?

Found this later:

We don’t feel safe telling, opening up, or being authentic, so we are afraid to tell.

Too often, if we start to open up, the other person isn’t really listening – rather, they are busy forming an opinion about what we “should” do.  Then, instead of being heard, we feel judged…..and we shut down.  If we have a lot of experience with Askers who have an agenda, we will be defensive, which will prevent us from really telling.  Sometimes, it is our own self-judgment, guilt and shame, that prevents us from opening up.

Honest communication has to have both sides – sincere asking and honest telling.

I believe that people WANT to be authentic.  Deep down, we all desperately want to be understood.  But we are so used to the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell game, that breaking out of it is scary and uncomfortable.

Truly authentic communication requires us to develop some level of relationship with the person we are interacting with.  We can’t just spew all of our problems at someone. We have probably all met at least one person who is an expert Teller –someone who will tell you way more than you want to know, who doesn’t have a clue, that is really just dumping on you.  Their inability to also be an Asker/Listener precludes a healthy dynamic.

We have to be able to play both parts – Asker and Teller – to gain a level of trust and understanding, to be truly heard and to truly listen.  It’s a two-way street.

The Asker has to have the intent to listen, and the Teller has to be authentic and honest with the answers.  This is a dynamic that is very different from the norm.

So, for my part, I can strive to care enough about others to ask them real questions and listen to them without judging.  I can create an environment that lets them feel safe in sharing their thoughts, questions, and insecurities.  I don’t need to tell them what to do, or decide what the answer should be.  I can practice being a good listener.

On the other side, I need to be willing to take a chance and be authentic when someone asks me a question.  Sometimes this backfires, when the Asker isn’t really interested in your answer or isn’t really listening.  But you can start out slow, and you can tell pretty quickly whether you have an opportunity to really share or not.

What I have found, though, is that if you can be a good questioner and listener, it is very easy to have this kind of deeper conversation with others.  It’s a very natural way of being – as soon as the fear is gone, we all know what to do.  We just have to feel safe, both asking and telling.

Each of us can work on being a better asker and listener, a little at a time.  And each of us can strive to share our authentic selves when asked, again, a little at a time.  It’s a process.

Here’s what you do:  Ask, Seek and Knock.

Luke 11:9-10  Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. (NIV)

“Ask and it will be given to you” is not about seeking material success.  Jesus gave this advice when he was teaching the disciples how to pray.  It’s where he introduced the Lord’s Prayer, which is not about asking for stuff.

My paraphrase for this verse goes like this:

Ask for guidance and it will be given to you; seek the truth and you will find it; knock on the door to God’s kingdom and that door will be opened.

Want to understand God better?  Asking, seeking and knocking are all active verbs. One thing I find interesting is that in verse 8, Jesus urges them (and us) to be bold and persistent.  And if we are supposed to be bold and persistent, that says to me that we have to actively work at asking and seeking.  We have to be deliberate.  You have to tell God that you want to start the process.

If we choose to sit around passively and lament the fact that we don’t understand why life is how it is, that we don’t understand why things have to be the way they are, and we don’t understand how life can be so unfair…..we shouldn’t be surprised when the answers don’t come to us.  If you don’t ask the question, why should you expect an answer?

When you do ask the questions, then you have to be open to the guidance.  You have to be paying attention and listening.  Because God is EVERYWHERE.

In my experience, God provides guidance and answers in the places that I tend to be already.  It helps if my mind is not busy with nonsense, worry, drama, etc.  Say I’m in the bookstore, and a title jumps out at me from the shelf (that’s the guidance).  I have to be receptive to the guidance, and then I have to follow through with the seeking:  I have to buy the book and read it, and work to find the lesson or the wisdom.

God will use what you already love – maybe it’s art, sports, gardening, it doesn’t matter.  He will use your friends and family as well as strangers you “happen” to meet.   Pay attention to the things people say to you, especially when it seems to come from “out of the blue.”  It’s an intuitive sense you have to get used to and develop – kind of like learning how to play a new game.  Follow your gut.  It takes practice.  Your experience with the game will be yours alone, perfectly tailored for YOU.

I love music and lyrics, and I can’t tell you how much I have “heard” through Van Morrison, Jack Johnson, ALO and others.  I “discovered” Van when my friend Chuck was playing Poetic Champions Compose at his apartment back in the late 80s.  I started listening to Jack after my brother-in-law’s Navy buddy sent him a copy of Brushfire Fairytales.  I have so many stories of synchronicities and music.  I could fill pages with lyrics that are so full of wisdom and truth, that speak to ME.  But that’s just me.

This is why I have a sneaking suspicion that God loves Google.  I mean that to be funny, but I’m serious.  What better way to seek and find random information on any question you care to ask?  Sit down and see what comes to mind.  Type it in.  What pops up?  Which result are you drawn to?  Click and read.  See what link is embedded in that one, what grabs your attention?  If you do this with the intent to listen and learn, you will be amazed at what you find.

Not only is this a fun game to play, but you get to know God better.  And, at least in my experience, one of the best parts is that God has a GREAT sense of humor.  Oh, and for the record, I think God loves Facebook, too.

My view is, not exactly.

I define judging as deciding whether someone or something is right or wrong, good or bad.  It’s nothing more than putting on a label.  It stops there.

Evaluating, however, seems close to judging, but I think there is a significant difference.  I believe very strongly that we are not to judge, but we HAVE to evaluate constantly if we are to grow and learn.

Evaluating means thinking about, observing, trying to understand, and contemplating, all with the goal of figuring out what you can learn and how you can make better choices.  Life gives us opportunities to evaluate all the time.  BUT if you get caught in the trap of judging, you assign a label and stop there.  You give up the opportunity for the lesson.

Evaluating is hard work.  To be really good at it, you have to recognize when your perspective is clouded – when your feelings are hurt and you have the urge to strike back; when you are feeling insecure or needy; any time your ego gets in the way.  You have to develop the ability to be open-minded, take a detached view.  You have to make sure you are not making assumptions that might not be correct.  At the end of your evaluation, your conclusion might be summarized like this:  ”hmmm…..interesting.”

The only person you can control is YOU.  So it’s really a waste of time to decide what other people should or shouldn’t be doing or saying or thinking.  You can take all those other opinions into consideration, make all your observations, but in the end, YOU get to decide the choices you make and the actions you take.

There’s nothing wrong with expressing your viewpoint on a situation, especially if you have thought it through.  But rather than telling other people what they SHOULD do or think, I believe we should (haha, notice that?) just present our opinion as our opinion, and let others make up their own minds.

My observation is that, in general, people spend a lot of time focused on others, trying to control or change others.  And that takes away from the real work of focusing on YOURSELF.  Another way to look at it, is that people spend so much time fighting reality, they never deal with WHAT IS.

After you evaluate, then you can decide, for yourself, what you have learned and what you choose to do.  (You already know that my opinion is that the goal is to choose based on LOVE.)  This is not easy.  The easy way out is to slap a label on someone or something, get mad or indignant or self-righteous or feel like the victim, and avoid the hard part.

I’ve encountered many situations that have felt uncomfortable, that I did not “agree” with.  The way I look at these now, is that, after I have evaluated them, I just have to make choices consistent with what works for me, what “feels” right for me.  I’m not talking “feels right” in the sense of selfishness or ego, I am talking about tapping into that Inner Knowing that comes from Pure Intent.  In some cases, I choose “not to participate” even though others think I “should” do this or that.  I don’t care to label the situation “wrong” I just don’t give it my energy.  In this way, I instead surround myself (as much as possible) with situations and people that are consistent with my choices, but I do not waste energy or time trying to change those I am not comfortable with.

Sometimes, there are consequences to this approach that might seem unacceptable.  But even if you make a different choice because you cannot bear the consequences, it is still your choice.

Once I started to take this approach, I became aware of how we are constantly judging and trying to control others.  I had no idea how much I was judging and feeling the need to control.  It felt strange, at first, because it felt like “giving up” my values, but it’s really not.  It’s me taking responsibility for those values, rather than deflecting them off on somebody else.  It’s the “working on the plank in your own eye” rather than the “speck in someone else’s.”  And it’s also having faith in God, that God will take care of everything – it’s not my job to play God.

Today I’m just copying a post from http://www.LRCHouston.com.  Ernie Fitzpatrick always has thought-provoking things to say.  And I love the description of his “church”, especially the “adding a few crazy people” part:

God Doesn’t Forgive?

Published February 21st, 2012 

In the days of Moses, the people needed rules to guide them.  The Ten Commandments were appropriate for their level of spiritual maturity.  A parallel is the rules we make for young children.  Until children are mature enough to make wise decisions, we need to have rules to guide them and to keep them safe.

Most of us recognize that we have outgrown many of the rules.  We no longer worry about whether we are eating meat, braiding our hair or covering our heads. How many of us keep the Sabbath?  Isn’t it interesting that we don’t give a second thought to the fact that we find some of the rules outdated and irrelevant, yet we cling to others, digging in our heals, sometimes to the point of fighting to the death?

Paul (!) had this to say:

The Believer’s Freedom:  I Corinthians 10:32-24 (NIV)

23 “Everything is permissible” – but not everything is beneficial.  “Everything is permissible” – but not everything is constructive.  24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

Wait…..EVERYTHING is permissible???  Whoa.  How many of us believe that one?

Jesus pushes us to take a higher level of responsibility for how we choose to treat others, to “love your neighbor as yourself.”   And the Bible is FULL of advice and examples of what it means to Love One Another.  The most spiritually mature individuals will be working on making choices based on love only.  The rules become irrelevant as we work toward a higher level of determining appropriate behavior.

Making choices based on Love is not always easy.  Situations in real life are complicated.  Lots of people might be affected by a decision you make.  Your actions might make some people happy and other people upset. And there’s the idea of “tough love.”  Sometimes, the decision based on Love just might break one of the rules.

(I’m adding this later…..an example from the Bible of exactly this point is found in Luke 13:10-17.)

It’s pretty much guaranteed that we won’t always make the best choices.  As with any new skill, it takes a lot of practice, making mistakes, self-evaluation, trying again, falling down, getting up…..that’s the process.  If you think of “Making Decisions Based on Love” as one of the Areas of Study in Learning about Life, it is not hard to imagine there will be many courses to be taken before you will get close to mastering the material.

There’s nothing “wrong” with sticking to following the rules.  It’s ok for each individual to be wherever they are in the spectrum of spiritual maturity, just as each individual child matures at his own rate, and gets to the point where he can take more responsibility for himself.

This subject area is TOUGH.  It can feel like a leap of faith or like jumping off a cliff, because letting go of the security of The Rules is scary.  It is scary for others, and they will let you know that.

Romans 14:13  Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.  Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.

12 For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.  13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Many thanks to T for inspiring me today!!  She wants thoughts, so here we go!!

Yes, I have been called (accurately) an over-thinker.  Intense.  Too psycho-analytical.  Deep.  All true.

Ha!! This verse just explains my reasons for being the way I am!

If I am going to have to give an account to God, and nothing in all of creation is hidden from his sight, whoa, boy, I guess I better think about this stuff!!  Simple as that!

Living and active is God’s truth, meaning it’s a moving target.  I can’t get complacent.  I have to keep up with it.  It’s mystery, it’s a process, sounds like a lot of work to figure it out.

The truth keeps cutting deeper and deeper.  Just when I think I understand, I have to keep going, to the essence of the soul, the spirit, even my physical body.  The core is the heart, the keeper of my innermost thoughts and attitudes.  These thoughts and attitudes will be judged!

Whoa, this is deep!  Everything is uncovered.  Yikes, if that is the case, I sure want to know and understand what’s there!

Do you think I’m going to just take someone else’s interpretation or opinion, without analyzing it?  Sorry, no, I think this stuff is too important for that.  Will I gather all the opinions and info I can, and then think hard about it, discern for myself what truth I can glean?  Yes, that’s how I think I’ll try to get there.

T’s question was about God being referred to as “him with whom we have to do” in verse 13 (KJV) and I like that a lot.  Because we go through this process WITH God.  He is not separate, he is involved, we are together in this.  I think that’s an important thing to remember.

So, T, this is exactly why I do what I do.  And somehow, I bet you’re with me!

The article is about corporate culture, and a speech that Cleese made entitled “The Importance of Mistakes.”  Here are some quotes from Cleese:

“I want to suggest to you that unless we have a tolerant attitude toward mistakes—I might almost say a positive attitude toward them—we shall be behaving irrationally, unscientifically and unsuccessfully.”

“It’s self-evident that if we can’t take the risk of saying or doing something wrong our creativity goes right out the window.  Because the essence of creativity is not the possession of some special talent, it is much more the ability to “play.”

“For a group to function more creatively, people must lose their inhibitions.  They must gain the confidence to contribute spontaneously to what’s happening, and the inhibition arises because of the fear of looking foolish.  Yes!  It’s nothing more than the fear of making mistakes.”

Cleese talks about how viewing mistakes as “bad” leads to either denial or rationalization, or concealing them.  When this happens, when mistakes “go underground”, they are harder to fix.

“Now we reach the real problem.  If all the evidence from business, science and psychology suggests that the best results are obtained by risking mistakes, and by having a positive attitude toward them when they occur, why are we all so nervous about making them?”

“I’m sure that the answer is quite simply that we all have these ridiculous things called egos.  Once you’ve got an ego, you want to be right.”

So, my question is, how do I view mistakes?  (even big ones or really “bad” ones?)  Do I pretend they didn’t happen?  Do I make myself believe that, well, I didn’t really mean it anyway, and so it doesn’t really matter?  Do I keep them to myself?

It’s unrealistic to think that I will never make a mistake.  I’ve made plenty.  It’s just the way life is.  If I am afraid to take chances, act on a hunch, take a leap of faith, do something crazy every once in a while….well, where will that get me?  If I can overcome the fear of making mistakes, and be willing to face the inevitable feedback of making a mistake, I will learn from the ones I make and I will get better at avoiding the pitfalls.  I won’t be afraid to TRY.

Then, the next step is that I will become tolerant of the mistakes of others.  I will remember that we as human beings have this in common.  I will be less quick to judge another.

Seeing mistakes this way is part of the process of moving past the mindset of “right” and “wrong”.  I’ve said it before, the fastest way to stall your ability to learn from a situation is to get stuck in the process of figuring out who to blame.  If you find yourself using phrases like “They should know better,” and “I can’t believe that he/she would do this or that,” stop and ask yourself if there’s another way to look at the situation.

I am NOT saying we shouldn’t evaluate our actions and avoid making the same mistakes over again.  We ARE talking about mistakes here – all of us do things that, in hindsight, we hope we wouldn’t do again if we had that chance.  (This thinking occurs when we have learned from our mistakes!)

There’s that definition of insanity that goes something like “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.”  If you do not face your mistakes and evaluate them, life will continue to present you will the same opportunity to learn, again and again, until you deal with the feedback and make some adjustments.

The next step in the process is to SHARE your mistakes.  As Cleese says, “The most effective way that we can create an atmosphere of tolerance and positiveness toward mistakes is, of course, to model it.”

This seems like a trap to me.  It seems like a really good way to avoid facing a problem and understanding it and finding a solution or learning a lesson.

And, haven’t we been told not to judge?  Blaming = Judging.

Maybe things happen for a reason.  I don’t think they happen so that we can play the Blame Game.  I think they happen so we can learn and grow.

And if that’s the case…..shouldn’t we try to catch ourselves when we are spending too much (or any?) time blaming?  Shouldn’t we try to find the lesson instead?

For instance, I can love the color purple.  I can decide that I want to wear only purple clothes, and paint my room purple, and drive a purple car.  But of course I wouldn’t expect others to do the same.  They can like whatever color they choose!

Then again, I might discover a really great hair product, say a shampoo that I think smells really great and is inexpensive.  I might love it so much, that I would tell all my friends (or maybe anybody that would be willing to listen!) about how great it is, and that they should try it.  But I would also realize that what works for one person might not work for another, so of course I wouldn’t get offended if they didn’t drop their current shampoo and start using my favorite.  But, I would be glad that I shared my discovery, because maybe one of my friends might find it to be a favorite, too!

For some reason, though, this kind of “sharing” becomes a little more tricky when the subject matter gets more “serious.”

There are people who believe something very strongly, and can’t stop “evangelizing” about their beliefs or opinions.  And there are others who refuse to listen to anything outside of their current belief system.

The example I think of, is my experiences with the health benefits of going to a chiropractor.  I used to get headaches that would last 3 days, and it seemed I got them every 2 weeks.  I would get really grumpy, and I was taking a lot of Advil, which I wasn’t happy with either.

So really, I got to the point where I thought, I’ll try the chiropractor, it can’t hurt anything.  Well, to make a long story short, I have eliminated my headaches, and I feel so much better in so many ways.

I had such a good experience, of course I tell people about it!  Of course, I hope that others give it a shot (if they have issues that might be helped), and I hope that they have a similarly good experience.  But, they might not, and that’s ok.  I figure sharing my experience can’t hurt, right?

But I don’t push others to go or persist in telling them what to do.

There are some people who will just not consider a chiropractor.  I know some who say they just can’t get comfortable with the idea of someone “cracking” their back or neck.  Hey, that’s their prerogative.  I might think it would be worth it to get over that fear, but that’s their choice to make.

But there are others who will quickly jump to preconceived judgments – chiropractors are quacks, alternative medicine is weird, whatever.  There are deeply rooted assumptions of what is “right” and what is “wrong.”

If I have a strong opinion about something, and it only affects me, and I don’t impose my opinion on someone else…….should anyone else spend their energy deciding whether I am “right” or “wrong”?

The easiest way to determine credibility is by association.  We can assume that ALL persons associated with a certain group or label or background are credible, or not.  All girl scouts are honest.  All senior citizens are wise.  All drug addicts are unreliable.  All doctors give good medical advice.  The teacher is always right.  He has a degree in that, so he must know what he’s talking about.  Experts are always right.

We all know that blanket generalizations of who you can trust aren’t always accurate.  But we tend to follow them until we learn otherwise.  Face it, investigating every source of information would be just exhausting and impossible.  We have to make value judgments about who we can and can’t trust, or we couldn’t function!  But we all know these generalizations sometimes don’t work, and sometimes the consequences can be bad!

I would argue that deciding whether a SOURCE is credible is different than determining whether a message rings true.  Is a source you believe is reliable ALWAYS right?

If you decide someone is credible, do you believe EVERYTHING they say?

Well, let’s do a little exercise in pushing the limits of our open minds…..NOTHING shuts down an open mind faster than politics or religion….right?

So here’s an interesting test, because it involves both politics and religion.  Following is a quote.  The subject matter is religious (a verse from the Bible) and the person who said it is/was a well-known politician.  Read it.  Do you agree or not?

“But the most important thing is what St. Paul said.  He’s the most important Christian writer.  His words are written closest in time to when Jesus was alive – the Pauline letters.  That great long chapter, the 13^th chapter of First Corinthians, which is about love, which is often read at weddings – you know, love is not boastful or jealous, really is wrongly read at weddings, because it’s not about romantic love.  It’s about agape, the love of community, a loving attitude toward your fellow human being.  The last verse that everybody knows is “and now abideth faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love.”  For a politician or a citizen, it’s not the most important (verse).  In the two verses above it, Paul talks about comparing life on earth with life in heaven with God, and in the King James version, he says, “For now I see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face;  now I know in part; but then I will know even as also I am known.”

Why is it important to have a loving attitude toward all human beings?  Because you see through a glass darkly.  Because human beings are fallible and make their very best effort.  So I think people should carry their faith and their values into politics, but there needs to be enough humility to know, just as St. Paul said, you are not in possession of the absolute truth.  I don’t care if you’re a liberal Democrat or a conservative Republican.  I don’t care if you’re a Muslim, Christian or Jew.  Or Baha’i, Hindu or Buddhist.  You are not in possession of the absolute truth.  You see through a glass darkly.  You know it in part.  That means that you might be wrong.  Once you recognize that you might be wrong, you can deal with anybody, work out anything and go forward, even as you fight hard for what you believe is right.  It’s the single most important lesson for democratic societies in a time of resurgent religiosity.  Once you accept that, all else is possible.  Once you reject it, you’re going to have chaos, conflict, anarchy, violence or, in the context of American politics, bitter polarization and personal vilification.   And it’s totally unnecessary.  All you’ve got to do is give that up.  Then you can take your values to work and do the best you can.”

–Ladies’ Home Journal, November 2005, page 155

Does it frustrate you that you don’t know who said this?  Have you made an assumption about who it is? Are you afraid of who you might be agreeing with?  Why does it matter who said it?  What if it’s not who you think?  Would that change whether you agree or disagree with the message?

It’s a huge mountain, with all kinds of varied terrain.  We are each at a different spot on that mountain.  We all start at the bottom, and work our way up.  Some face north, some south, some east, some west. Some paths up the mountain twist back and forth, but aren’t too steep.  Some of us are rock-climbing up some serious cliffs.  Some are moving fast, others taking their time and enjoying the scenery.  There are as many variations in paths up the mountain as there are people.

Because each of us is in our own unique spot, each of us has a different view of our surroundings.  Some people might be in a particularly wooded, flat spot, and they might not even know they are on a mountain!  Some might be so focused on their path, that they aren’t taking the time to notice that there is other terrain around them.  Those at the bottom might look up and find the mountain overwhelming.  Those at the very top might be looking up and admiring the sky…..or they might take the time to look down in every direction, and see the endless possibilities there are to get up to the top.

Is one path up the mountain better than another?  For each particular person, there is probably one path that offers them the appropriate number of challenges, without being too difficult.  The right path would depend on each situation.  For example, if you were traveling up with a group, you would probably pick a path that was suited to the abilities of the group.  Someone who enjoys the challenges of extreme sports might pick a very difficult path that no one has attempted before.

Maybe at some point, you or your group encounters a scout who has been up the mountain, and can give you really useful instructions for navigating your path.  The scout could give you a great set of rules that, if followed, could make your journey so much easier!!

Those who are climbing with you, if you are climbing in a group, are going to see things from the same perspective as you.  For example, the people climbing the east side, are going to see the sun rise each day, but after the sun goes behind the mountain, they will know they still have many hours of daylight, despite the fact that they can’t see the sun in the sky.  But the people climbing the west side of the mountain will have that daylight BEFORE they can actually see the sun in the sky, and they will get to see the sun set.  One side of the mountain is likely to be windward and rainy, while the other is likely to be leeward and dry.

Think about how different the eastern climbers and the western climbers would describe the conditions around the mountain.

Even on the same side of the mountain, the people following the gradual path with switchbacks, would have a very different perspective than those who are climbing the steep face.  If they described their experience of climbing the mountain to someone unfamiliar with it, they would give vastly different impressions of the same place!

So let’s say Joe Smith hasn’t yet figured out that he is on a mountain.  He hears rumors that there is this person named Jane Doe who tells stories of her path that make absolutely no sense.  They don’t fit Joe’s group experience at all, they seem far-out, and are actually a little scary.  Joe concludes that there is no way these stories can be true, they must be WRONG!  (Joe’s group might even decide that it is too dangerous to even speak to Jane, or maybe they should even kill this heretic!  But let’s assume Joe’s group is peace-loving and open-minded.)

Then Joe meets Jane in person when their paths cross.  To hear her stories and descriptions of her climb still seem unbelievable, but she seems like a pretty reasonable and nice person, not so different from Joe.  He likes Jane, even though she must be a little crazy.  As Jane shares her stories, Joe gets to know her a little better, so he decides that, well, another path might be possible, but his is still BETTER than hers.  (After all, his path is well-known and proven!)

Years go by, and both Joe and Jane are much further along on their paths.  They have had a wider variety of experiences, and because they are further up, they now have a broader view of terrain that is further away.  As Joe has gained insight, experience and wisdom, he now thinks about Jane and her stories, and concludes that maybe her path is right for her, while his path is best for him.  Maybe Jane’s experience is no better or worse, maybe it’s just DIFFERENT.  Joe is still happy to be on his path, with his group, but he is ok with others making their own choices and deciding what path is best for them.

The higher any one person gets on the mountain, the more they will be able to see, and the better able they will be to appreciate the challenges, the stories, the perspectives, of all the different people who they run into from different paths.  They will start to be able to understand why it takes some people so long to climb the mountain, while it seems easy for others.

The point is we each have our own perspective, based on our unique life experiences.  The way we see things is true for us, but that doesn’t mean that others who have a different experience are “wrong” and our experiences aren’t any “better” than theirs.  They are just different.

THEN, people start getting to the top of the mountain.  Suddenly, they can see the whole thing!  Now, they can see that there is A LOT of the mountain they never knew about!  They feel more than a little humbled, and realize how little they actually knew getting up.  They might also realize that they learned the most from the toughest parts of the journey.  What seemed like the worst situations when they happened, actually provided the very best lessons.

In hearing the stories and wisdom that these other people share it becomes clear that not only are all the paths different, they are COMPLEMENTARY.  To truly understand the mountain, its terrain, how the paths fit together, and all the lessons that can be learned, you need the experience of all types of people who have tackled all the paths.

Now think about this possibility:  the people at the top are sharing their stories of their adventures.  All of a sudden, a helicopter arrives and drops off a guy who decided to skip the climb.  So, he has arrived at the top, and can now look down at all the paths and see everything.  But he has no experience with the mountain.  His “climb” was the easiest in the extreme.  While we all sometimes wish for an easy climb, how useful do you really think an easy climb is, in learning to navigate life and in gaining wisdom?