By Calvin Stovall

The original movie poster courtesy of traileraddict.com

For most Blaxploitation heroes, the mission ends at sticking it to The Man. But with the threat of films like Date Movie and Meet the Spartans dooming the once proud genre of parody films forever, Black Dynamite and its creators (co-writers Michael Jai White, Byron Minns, and director Scott Sanders) set out to make an intelligent, funny movie that pays homage to everyone’s favorite ’70s pimp flicks while bringing back the glory days of the spoof.

In the family tree of parodies, Black Dynamite is more akin to Airplane! than Undercover Brother. Opting for subtle irony and wit over predictable gags and over-the-top allusions, Dynamite succeeds early because it respects its audience’s comedic IQ. The laugh track-ready punch lines and dialogue that most spoofs use as a crutch are dumped for exaggerated camera cuts and absurd dialogue; the stuff that made the original Blaxploitaiton films so much fun in the first place.

Martial arts expert Michael Jai White carries the film as its title character, with uncanny timing and a deadpan delivery that somehow hits harder than his trademark nunchucks. Irresistible to the ladies and terrifying to his enemies, Black Dynamite swaggers through the film, kicking ass, bagging females, and combating The Man’s plan to pedal toxic malt liquor into the black community.

With a supporting cast of underrated and under-cast black actors like Cedric Yarbrough, Miguel A. Núñez Jr., Kym Whitley and the incomparable Tommy Davidson, Dynamite owes much of its success to one of the best collaborations of untapped black talent in years. I won’t ruin the fun of watching for cameo’s by naming names, but be on the look out for a four-time NBA champion, everyone’s favorite 90’s late night host, and a former R&B star who plays a character known simply as “SweetMeat.”

Although Dynamite’s off color comedy and random cameos make it one of the most fun movie experiences of the year, it is ultimately done in an unforgivably long run time. Like most parodies, Black Dynamite’s comedic backbone gives out too early in the film, and its plot is too flimsy to carry it to the finish line. Although it is definitely one of the best spoofs of the decade and succeeded in giving the struggling style of comedy a ray of hope, it doesn’t have the juice to make a long term run at classics like CB4 or I’m Gonna Git You, Sucka.

(Black Dynamite can be seen at RagTag Cinema on Hitt Street)

from January 27, 2008

1- Yes, TV can get worse.
Television sucks. How many times have we said this? But wait until a writer’s strike and BAM! we are flipping to TVLand for The Beverly Hillbillies reruns. (Granny cracks me up. And when Jethro puts on a wig and calls himself Jethrine? Classic. And I am notoriously hard to amuse. I only laugh at other’s tragedy.) So help me if I see another ad for American Gladiators I may kill. And have you seen how old Hulk Hogan is lately? I bet I can take him. “Watchoo gonna do when my arthritis makes me fall over on you?”

2- Movies can get worse too.
Have you seen the commercials for Meet the Spartans? They air like two every minute. Sometimes they air them twice, at the same time, on the same channel. I know this sounds silly but I swear they do it. First, I thought the movie came out two months ago, I saw the commercials so much. Secondly, it was topical maybe six months ago. Wow! It is full of jokes about Britney cutting off her hair. Wow! It has the fat guy from Borat. Wow! It makes fun of Dancing Feet. Who even remembers that penguin flick?

3- You don’t know people until you work with them.
I am sooo not going there.

4- You don’t know people until you know them.

D’uh. And ditto. But if you know what I mean then you know what I mean. You know how your cell phone has contacts and you can put them into categories like friends, work, and school? Well, it forces you to pick a category for every person in your phonebook.  And sometimes you have to think about it. Ever wonder “Hmmmm. Do I put her (or him. Or her.) under friends? Started out under work. Should I move the contact?” Nah, do what I do, leave them all uncategorized. Saves the hassle when you want to move them all back to work. You don’t need a cell phone to tell you who your friends are.

5- Bill Clinton can get funnier.
If this happened just a few days ago this would have made the last blog. Clinton was sitting behind the podium at a Martin Luther King (Junior to you) tribute (or screed or whatever) and, fully in view of everyone, but more importantly the cameras, he fell asleep, shook himself awake, fell asleep, shook himself awake, and fell asleep again. Check out the video here: http://www.nypost.com/video/?vxSiteId=0db7b365-a288-4708-857b-8bdb545cbd0f&vxChannel=NY%20Post&vxClipId=1458_227094&vxBitrate=700

Based around the 2007 film 300, a lot of it is influenced by Mel Brooks’ work; blazing saddles and men in tights especially. Idea has been done before, and the film has very little truly original content.

Release Date: 25 , January 2008
Genres: comedy/
Link[imdb]:http://imdb.com/title/tt1073498/
Video Quality =DIVX
Description Meet the Spartans (2008):The heroic Leonidas, armed with nothing by leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag group of 13–count ‘em, 13!–Spartans to defend their homeland against the invading Persians (whose ranks include Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Transformers, and a hunchbacked Paris Hilton–no one is safe when the Spartans take on the biggest icons in pop culture).

Because I have to…

Yes, it happened again. Once more has the film industry been hit by yet another parody and what appears to be a bad one at that. This Stone Village Pictures and Essential Environment production, directed by Bo Zenga (Scary Movie), comes a film that takes honoured and respected horror film monsters and subsequently ruins the entirety of their credibility. Is anyone else curious why Mr. Zenga was dropped for the Scary Movie sequels?

The fate of this somewhat ludicrously disastrous film is already set in stone, much like it’s unpopular cousins; ‘Epic, Disaster, Date and Superhero Movie‘ and most recently ‘Meet The Spartans’ (almost tripling it’s budget, but in that respect, Date movie quadrupled its budget). Of course, these films are meant to be bad, otherwise they wouldn’t be parodies, would they?

The plot revolves around a video-store employee (Steve Howey) who, unfortunately for him, is hunted by 6 famed movie monsters (Freddy, Jason, Chucky, Pinhead, Michael Myers, Leatherface) on Halloween. It can be expected that the content of this film, in reference to gags, will most presumably be lackluster at best. So if you really want to spend your well earned money on seeing this, you must either be a fan of parodies, or you have never seen any of the 6 classic horror films in which the monsters play a part (collectively grossing over $1billion worldwide). The only possible good thing about this film is the re-emergence of ‘Kenan and Kel’ star Kenan Thompson, who hasn’t been seen since ‘Snakes On A Plane‘, but he often made me laugh, so it’s all good.

Just when you thought the [insert genre here] movie films were over…

Though remakes of good movies tend to be shitty, the latest addition to the cast of Dinner for Schmucks suggests that the Anglofied version of the 1998 Francis Veber dark comedy has some serious potential. Hollywood’s new unlikely darling Zach Galifianakis is in talks to be in the film, alongside Terminal favourites Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd. Directed by Jay Roach, the guy who brought us all Meet the Parents/Fawkers,  Dinner for Schmucks is schedueled to shoot in the fall and to be released to the big screen in summer 2k10.

Assuming that the remake will follow the same plot as the original, Dinner for Schmucks centers around a rich asshole who gets his kicks by organizing regular dinner parties where he invites random idiots he meets and humiliates them. It’s a pretty hilarious and heart-tugging slapstick, and might be the only decent thing to ever come out of a country that habitually serves up nothing but amoral philosophy and unpopular opinions.

Zach Galifianakis is also appearing in the upcoming film Youth in Revolt, alongside Michael Cera, who Terminal Laughter recently interviewed (it’ll be up soonish).

Here is a scene from Diner de Cons, (couldnt find one with subtitles, sorry):

I watched ‘300 Spartans’, which is the film that inspired Frank Miller to do ‘300′, which inspired Hollywood to re-do a film on the topic as a movie ‘300′.

As such, the content overlaps greatly. Here’s the Wikipedia entry on 300 Spartans.

The 300 Spartans is a 1962 Cinemascope film depicting the Battle of Thermopylae. Made with the cooperation of the Greek government, it was shot in the village of Perachora in the Peloponnese. It starred Richard Egan as the Spartan king Leonidas, Ralph Richardson as Themistocles of Athens and David Farrar as Persian king Xerxes, with Diane Baker as Ellas and Barry Coe as Phylon providing the requisite romantic element in the film. In the film, a force of Greek warriors led by 300 Spartans fights against a Persian army of almost limitless size. Despite the odds, the Spartans will not flee or surrender, even if it means their deaths.
The picture was noted for its Cold War overtones,[1] referring to the independent Greek states as “the only stronghold of freedom remaining in the then known world”, holding out against the Persian “slave empire”.
Frank Miller saw this movie as a boy and said “it changed the course of my creative life”.[2] His graphic novel 300 is about the Battle of Thermopylae, and was the basis for the 2007 film 300.

It’s a pretty ghastly film by our contemporary standards. The writing and directing is totally out of date and I sort of wonder if it was considered any good even by its own times’ standards. it’s not clear from the Wikipedia page.

Here’s the entry on the graphic novel. by Frank Miller. It has this interesting tidbit:

Renowned comics writer Alan Moore has criticized 300 as historically inaccurate, with particular reference to the characters’ attitudes towards homosexuality:
There was just one particular line in it where one of the Spartan soldiers—I’ll remind you, this is Spartans that we’re talking about—one of them was talking disparagingly about the Athenians, and said, ‘Those boy-lovers.’ You know, I mean, read a book, Frank. The Spartans were famous for something other than holding the bridge at Thermopylae, they were quite famous for actually enforcing man-boy love amongst the ranks as a way of military bonding. That specific example probably says more about Frank’s grasp of history than it does about his grasp of homosexuality, so I’m not impugning his moral situation there. I’m not saying it was homophobic; just wasn’t very well researched.[3]
Miller, in the letters page of the series, replied to accusations of homophobia from a reader regarding the phrase “Those boy-lovers”:
If I allowed my characters to express only my own attitudes and beliefs, my work would be pretty darn boring. If I wrote to please grievance groups, my work would be propaganda. For the record: being a warrior class, the Spartans almost certainly did practice homosexuality. There’s also evidence they tended to lie about it. It’s not a big leap to postulate that they ridiculed their hedonistic Athenian rivals for something they themselves did. “Hypocrisy” is, after all, a word we got from the Greeks. What’s next? A letter claiming that, since the Spartans owned slaves and beat their young, I do the same? The times we live in.[4]
Reviewer Aaron Albert notes that although “Miller does take liberties with the history”, he considers it more of a “theatrical portrayal” rather than a “historical battle”. He notes the passion evident in Miller’s writing. He praised the visuals; especially the use of over-sized panels. Lynn Varley’s painting was also commended. [5]

So there’s that to ponder. The ‘300′ film entry is here. This bit was interesting:

Reviews
Since its world premiere at the Berlin International Film Festival on February 14, 2007, in front of 1,700 audience members, 300 has received generally mixed reviews. While it received a standing ovation at the public premiere,[58] it was reportedly panned at a press screening hours earlier, where many attendees left during the showing and those who remained booed at the end.[59] Critical reviews of 300 are divided.[60] Rotten Tomatoes reports that 60 percent of North American and selected international critics gave the film a positive review, based upon a sample of 214, with an average score of 6.1 out of 10.[61] Reviews from selected notable critics were 47 percent positive, giving the film an average score of 5.7 out of 10 based on a sample of 38.[62] At Metacritic, which assigns a normalized rating out of 100 to reviews from mainstream critics, the film has received an average score of 51 based on 35 reviews.[60]
Variety’s Todd McCarthy describes the film as “visually arresting” although “bombastic”[63] while Kirk Honeycutt, writing in The Hollywood Reporter, praises the “beauty of its topography, colors and forms.”[64] Writing in the Chicago Sun Times, Richard Roeper acclaims 300 as “the Citizen Kane of cinematic graphic novels.”[65] 300 was also warmly received by websites focusing on comics and video games. Comic Book Resources’ Mark Cronan found the film compelling, leaving him “with a feeling of power, from having been witness to something grand.”[66] IGN’s Todd Gilchrist acclaimed Zack Snyder as a cinematic visionary and “a possible redeemer of modern moviemaking.”[67]
A number of critical reviews appeared in major American newspapers. A.O. Scott of the New York Times describes 300 as “about as violent as Apocalypto and twice as stupid,” while criticizing its color scheme and suggesting that its plot includes racist undertones.[68] Kenneth Turan writes in the Los Angeles Times that “unless you love violence as much as a Spartan, Quentin Tarantino or a video-game-playing teenage boy, you will not be endlessly fascinated.”[69] Roger Ebert, in his review, gave the film a two-star rating, writing, “300 has one-dimensional caricatures who talk like professional wrestlers plugging their next feud.”[70]
Some Greek newspapers have been particularly critical, such as film critic Robby Eksiel, who said that moviegoers would be dazzled by the “digital action” but irritated by the “pompous interpretations and one-dimensional characters.”[55][71]

It’s been a while since I’ve checked the page and hadn’t seen the reviews section had grown. The Controversy section also makes for interesting reading. I liked this bit:

The film’s portrayal of ancient Persians caused a particularly strong reaction in Iran.[102] Azadeh Moaveni of Time reported that Tehran was “outraged” following the film’s release. Moaveni identified two factors which may have contributed to the intense reaction: its release on the eve of Nowruz, the Persian New Year, and the common Iranian view of the Achaemenid Empire as “a particularly noble page in their history.”[103][104][105] Various Iranian officials condemned the film.[106][107][108][109] The Iranian Academy of the Arts submitted a formal complaint against the movie to UNESCO, labelling it an attack on the historical identity of Iran.[110][111] The Iranian mission to the U.N. protested the film in a press release,[112] and Iranian embassies protested its screening in France,[113] Thailand,[114] Turkey[115] and Uzbekistan.[116]
Slovenian philosopher and author Slavoj Žižek defended the movie, from those who attacked it as an example of “the worst kind of patriotic militarism with clear allusions to recent tensions with Iran and Iraq.” He wrote that the story represents “a poor, small country (Greece) invaded by the army of a much large[r] state (Persia),” suggesting that the identification of the Spartans with a modern superpower is flawed. Instead of seeing a “fundamentalist” aspect in the Spartan identity, he stated that “all modern egalitarian radicals, from Rousseau to the Jacobins…imagined the republican France as a new Sparta.”[117]

And Warner Bros’ defense is, it’s” a work of fiction” and “loosely based on a historic event”. I think Leonidas and his 300 Spartans might want to say something about that.

The parody ‘Meet The Spartans’ has this page.

The film received almost universally negative reviews from critics. As of May 19, 2008, the review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reported that 2% of all critics gave the film positive reviews and 0% positive reviews from top critics based on 41 reviews with an average rating of 1.8/10; citing consensus opinion on the title as “A tired, unfunny, offensive waste of time … [which] scrapes the bottom of the cinematic barrel.”[2] Metacritic reported the film had an average score of 9 out of 100, based on 11 reviews — indicating “extreme dislike or disgust” and being the worst received film by the director on the site.[3]
One reviewer in Scotland’s The Sunday Herald gave the film a score of zero, as did Ireland’s Day and Night while an Australian newspaper review described it as being “as funny as a burning orphanage”. In London, The Times reviewer Wendy Ide suggested that the producers of the film were not aiming for ‘laughs’ but “a simian grunt of recognition from an audience that must have been practically brain-dead to fork out £10 to see a film that can’t even master the concept of out-takes?”. This film was the lowest-rated of the 2008 film season.

Ha.

Parodifilm i samma anda som Scary Movie, Epic Movie, Superhero Movie osv. Här är det filmen 300 som utgör ramverket och sedan haglar referenser till dagens popkultur och nöjesfenomen i form av mer eller mindre smaklösa pastischer på bland annat American Idol, Britneys babyskandal, Deal or no deal och Paris Hilton. I rollistan hittar vi mestadels TV-skådisar som Sean Maguire (Off Centre), Carmen Electra (Baywatch), Kevin Sorbo (Herkules), Diedrich Bader (Drew Cary) och Phil Morris (80-talsversionen av Mission Impossible).

Har man nyligt sett originalet, 300, kan jag faktiskt rekommendera den här soppan. Har du inte gjort det, gör du nog bäst i att undvika hela filmen för det är just hur man skruvat till scen för scen ur originalfilmen som är behållningen. Skämten är för det mesta rätt dåliga, men visst finns det också sådant man kan skratta åt. Den homoerotiska undertonen som fanns i 300 har man skruvat upp rejält och jag flabbade faktiskt också rätt gott åt scenen där Kung Leonidas ska lära sin son bli en krigare genom att spöa skiten ur ungen. Ruskigt tafflig film, men samtidigt lite jämnare och lite roligare än flera andra komedier i samma spoof-genre.

Betyg: 2

Saw the preview for the new comedy, Dance Flick and was totally turned off to yet another poorly produced, trying way  too hard, barely humorous spoof movie. Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, Meet the Spartans, among others, all fell short of infecting me with the funny bug. After further watching of the preview, I pissed my pants a little when one of the lead characters hung her baby up in her locker and said, “Mommy loves you Punkin.” Not Pumpkin, Punkin.. Late in the commercial I realized that it was written and directed by the Wayans Brothers, only the funniest show-biz family since the 80’s.  In Living Color was the best sketch comedy show, ever, and my siblings, cousin and I would reenact the skits every now and then. I would perfectly capture the essence of Fire Marshall Bill. Being a black male, that wasn’t, at all, a stretch. 

The Wayans’s record is impeccable. I’m Gonna Git You Sucka poked fun at all those blaxploitation movies of the 70’s, impeccably. “Good Lawd, that’s a lot of money.” A line from one of the many gut busting-ly funny scenes where a young Chris Rock, barters for one rib. Just one rib.

For those of you who didn’t know, the first two Scary Movies were written and directed by the Wayans. Out of the four in the series, the two they directed stood high above the rest. Anybody remember this? “Yo, that jacket is tight son. Now run that shit, Bitch.” Anna Faris should be an honorary member of the Wayans family. 

Now, with all this praise I’m doling out here, I must say that I hated the Wayans for a while, a few years back. I was forced to rethink my “blackness” when I sang A Thousand Miles, by Vanessa Carlton, for months on end after seeing White Chicks. You know what I’m talking about. “Making my way down town, and I’m walking fast, and faces pass, and I’m homebound.” DAMN you Wayans’s, DAMN you all. This was definitely my favorite non-spoof from the Wayans, though.

With their latest, Dance Flick, being directed by the next generation Wayans, Damien, who is the son of a lesser know Nadia Wayans, we are assured that we will have much more material from a highly talented family.

Alright guys and gals, that’s all I got for you for now. What was your favorite Wayans movie moment, character, or memory? Leave it in the comments.

“Make room for fanny. Fanny’s coming through…” — Hanson, played by Chris Elliot, Scary Movie 2

PEACE…

Carmen Electra, is an American glamour model, actress, television personality, dancer, entertainer and sex symbol. She gained fame for her appearances in Playboy magazine, on the MTV game show Singled Out, on the TV series Baywatch and Summerland, for her appearances dancing with the Pussycat Dolls, and has since had roles in the parody films Scary Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie.

Carmen Electra is my all time favorite pin up girl on the planet and I have collected the sexiest photo’s and video’s from the net for years. They are at the link below. Enjoy.

Click Pic for more Carmen Electra Nearly Naked photo's

Click for More Carmen Electra Photo’s
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GoreMaster caught up with animatronics and mechanical designer Scott Oshita for an in depth interview about his work in the special effects industry.  Over the course of Mr. Oshita’s impressive 20 year career his  list of film credits include Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993),  Species (1995), Mimic (1997), Godzilla (1998),  Stuart Little (1999), Meet the Spartans (2008), Chronicles of Nardia: Prince Caspian (2008) and Bedtime Stories (2008) just to name a few!

Read it at  GoreMaster.com

Of course every one knows what the greatest movies that can be made are, right?  Well, incase you weren’t sure, they’re spoof movies – of course!

Just to be clear, I’m kidding.  The past spoof movies that we’ve been getting have been horrible and possibly the worst movies made.  The films I am referring to are “Scary Movie”, “Date Movie”, “Epic Movie”, “Meet the Spartans”, and “Disaster movie” there are probably some that I’m forgetting now, those are just off the top of my head.  Every time I see a new spoof movie, I know they’re going to be bad but there is always that little part of me that says “ maybe this one will be the good one!” my little fantasy has yet to some true.  Until now? Robert Moniot’s  “2012-ish: The Day the Earth Bent Over” (formerly “Armageddagain: The Day Before Tomorrow”) might be that one spoof film that doesn’t suck!

When I first heard of 2012-ish, I thought it was another holloywood fart from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.  While doing a little research, I discovered it had nothing to do with them – not even the same production company!  Given one of the companies working on this is Purple pictures, same people who did The Hottie and the Nottie with Paris Hilton…… luckily, it doesn’t look like she has anything to do with this movie.  Anyways, I discovered that first-time feature director, Robot Moniot, was directing this and also writing it with Travis Oates (the guy who does the voice of Piglet) this is also Travis’s first writing credit on IMDB.com.

I was still feeling a little iffy about another spoof movie coming out so I looked into Mr.Moniot’s previous works.  While doing that I discovered his short film “Pearl Harbor II: Pearlmageddon” (youtube link after article) Robert wrote and directed it back in 2001 and it’s about 11 with credits.    I was a little iffy going in but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit.  It didn’t feel slow at all, kept a nice pace.  The jokes were pretty funny too.  There was one maybe reference that was a little meh but that’s me nitpicking.  It’s worth a watch.  There are some pretty funny jokes such as the stereotypes in war movies and use of slow motion.

Now, I’m not saying 2012-ish is going to be the next Airplane (despite what the studio says – they says it’s “a comedic satire in the vein of ‘Airplane!’ and ‘Young Frankenstein”) but I don’t think it’s going to be the next disaster movie either.  I say keep an eye out for this one and hopefully we’ll get a trailer for it soon.   Until then all we can do is hope that it doesn’t suck.  Like I said: I don’t think it will.  Judging by Robert’s past work on PH2, the humor will be watchable and worth the admission.  So far it sounds like it started shooting back in march in Louisiana with a budget of $25 million.

Link to Pearl Harbor II: Pearlmageddon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTBZSbAaLSk

Posted by: Jesse Gouldsbury

Late though this post may be, what with the Oscars come and gone, I decided it was finally time to put up my best of 2008 picks. So without further ado, I give you My Picks for 2008.

At last, the day is here when I release to all my adoring fans (yeah, right) what I thought was both the best and worst of 2008. But before I do, let’s talk a little bit about this year’s films. First of all, I have to say, in comparison with last year’s large crop of excellent movies, this year is like that one bad year Old Farmer Joe found worms had eaten about 25% percent of his crop, 50% had some bird droppings in them, and only 25% were actually good enough to bring home and eat. That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I think you’re smart enough to get the idea. There were some gems, though, sparkly shiny ones, in addition to the turds, so let’s honor both of them, shall we? I saw fewer films this year than last’s, for a variety of different reasons, but I also found myself less inspired to go out and see them to due to aforementioned dearth. In any case, let’s get to it, shall we?

The Moments

3. Full Retard, Tropic Thunder

Disagree as some people may over whether “Tropic Thunder” was extremely smart or just downright dumb, usually what they can agree on is Robert Downey Jr.’s performance, as the renowned actor Kirk Lazarus, in that movie – a man so caught in becoming other men that he’s lost himself under a couple of layers of personality, so confused as to who he is that the only person he can really be is someone else. “I’m the dude playin’ a dude disguised as another dude!” Arguably his best moment in the movie comes in his conversation with Ben Stiller, when he dissects actors playing roles in retarded movies, warning Stiller’s character, Tugg Speedman, to “never go full retard” if he wants to win an award. It’s a clever skewering of the all-too typical drama where some “retarded” person ends up having a side quirk that makes the audience more comfortable with them – from Dustin Hoffman’s clever mathematics in “Rain Man” to Forrest Gump’s charming “the pants off the nation.” As Lazarus points out, “That ain’t retarded. Remember Sean Penn, ‘I Am Sam,’ 2001, went full retard? Came home empty-handed.”

2. Jackie Chan Vs. Jet Li, The Forbidden Kingdom

Finally, those of us who waited for this day ever since we first saw Chan kick ass drunk or Li, well, simply kick ass, were rewarded. Though the movie was not everything martial arts fans hoped it would be, this fight scene was – gorgeous, flowing, grappling, punching, kicking, swinging action. It showcased their unique techniques dramatically and breathlessly, was long enough to not feel like a cheap fight, and short enough to not feel like it was dragged on. And, appropriately, the two titans were evenly matched, drawing a stalemate in the end. Now that we’ve seen these two fight as allies, though, it’s time they showed up onscreen as mortal enemies. Unlikely, though, given Chan’s age. One can always hope, however….

1. Pencil in the Head, The Dark Knight

As if the heart-stopping, jaw-dropping bus-through-the-bank-wall-whatever-doesn’t-kill-you-make-you-stranger intro scene weren’t enough, the Joker continued to show us how devilishly clever and disturbingly funny he was. Without even a warning, down comes the goon’s head to an eagerly awaiting pencil. It’s brief, gruesome, makes you laugh out loud while choking back your voice in shock, and is one of the best villain intro moments in recent comic book movie history. Nobody could say it better than the Joker does a second later, sweeping his hands with showmanship at the empty spot on the table. “It’s gone.”

The Disappointments

3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Months of hype, a director that had just given us one of the all time best serial killer movies last year (Zodiac), and the opportunity to take some chances and have some fun with a unique and intriguing premise, and what do we get? A bloated, too long, simplistic, unfocused Oscar-wannabe behemoth. (And the Academy took the bait – the movie picked up 13 nominations(!)) “Benjamin Button” fails to do much with its premise at all beyond the overdone “time is short, treasure what you have now” theme. Despite the characters’ multiple claims that Benjamin has led an extraordinary life, it’s hard to believe where they’re getting that from – all he does is hold a series of job over the course of his life. Woop-de-doo. The fact that he ages backward is never really a big deal, and when it comes time to deal with the consequences of what happens when he gets younger and younger, the film cops out and we get a predictable epilogue that’s simply a montage of over-emotional scenes, and this isn’t even getting into its extensive similarities to Forrest Gump. The cast is great, and the effects that de-age Pitt are perfect, but it’s a damn shame they have to be mired in such a trivial story.

2. The Happening

You have to understand, I’m one of the guys who stuck with Shyamalan through both “The Village” AND “Lady in the Water.” I was ready to give him one more chance to show us something along the lines of “The Sixth Sense” or “Signs,” but then he gives us this, a terribly drab, melodramatic affair that takes itself so seriously the only real way to watch it is by having a box of kleenex ready to dab away your tears of laughter. It’s baffling trying to figure out what Shyamalan was thinking when he made this – some scenes, like one in which some random guy has his arm ripped off by a lion, are so awkwardly brutal that those kleenexes will come in handy and you have to wonder if nobody gave Shyamalan any weird looks when he told them about it. There are many Hitchcockian touches, not surprisingly, as Shyamalan’s first movie had people immediately comparing him to the master of suspense, which has probably given him a complex. Not to mention that the gore is entirely secondary to the scares – it’s obviously a gimmick. Look for the restricted trailer on youtube, and I kid you not, you’ve seen every single moment of blood in the movie. I’ll be nice and not give away the ending, though you should save yourself the trouble of watching the entire thing and just wikipedia it so you can wonder along with me what the hell he was thinking.

1. The X-Files: I Want to Believe

With this, I don’t wonder if Chris Carter is stupid; I just hate him. He honestly thought he could get away with milking the X-files hardcore fanbase just a little bit longer without investing any time at all into the script (joke’s on you, Carter – I work at a movie theater- got into it free. ). It’s like a two-part episode of the TV series, nothing more than a monster of the week, and not even one of the better ones. The in-depth exploration of Mulder’s beliefs that Carter had talked so much about turned out to be nothing more than an extended edition of what the show had done again and again for nine years, except the TV show was way better. If you’re a completist X-Files person, you’re probably gonna wanna see it, but otherwise, you wouldn’t be missing anything at all. It’s a waste of such great talent – both Duchovny and Anderson turn in excellent performances, and it is a rush to see them on the big screen for the first time in so long. But that’s it. If you bought it, left it with your the rest of your X-files collection for five years, forgot about it, then one day randomly decided to watch an episode and stumbled upon that, you’d shrug to yourself and say, “Eh, that was okay. Which season was that?”

The Underdogs

3. Role Models

The story is so straightforward that you may be tempted to think it’s a little too stereotypical with the cliched “kids help adults find themselves and get back on feet” type deal, but there’s a lot of evidence that the movie’s more than that, from the excellent performances across the board, to the subtle way it focuses on the characters, making us believe that these are real people going through these ordeals. It also, thankfully, doesn’t trivialize or make the role-playing thing into a gimmick. Like the best comedies, the script doesn’t create pointless out of control shtick situations just for hell of it, but instead these creative environments feel like legitimate extensions of the characters. It’s also just plain damn hilarious, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse in his second big screen role plays it perfectly while first timer Bobb’E J. Thompson steals the show as a bluestreak talking young black teenager.

2.Horton Hears a Who

We all want to forget them, but they’re there in our memory, like a haunting black stain on the wall, that’s always somehow just over your shoulder, letting you know that wrong has been done in the world, and there’s nothing you can do about it: the terrible Dr. Seuss adaptations. I mean, Mike Myers must have had the fattest paycheck in the world or been high on something to do “The Cat in the Hat”, so let’s try to forget about all of that. From the people who brought us the moderately entertaining “Ice Age” and its ho-hum sequel, and the visually explosive but playing-it-safe “Robots”, there’s this little gem of a movie (see, told you there were some of those) that manages to update the Dr. Seuss novel a little bit while maintaing the elements that were most important. And it takes the form of filmmaking arguably best suited to Dr. Seuss – animation. It’s crisp and sharp and unusually funny for a kid’s flick, too.

1. Definitely, Maybe

Kudos to everyone involved, from the director, to the great cast, to the excellent script writing, for pulling together that rarest of feats – the romantic comedy that manages to get you truly involved with the characters and doesn’t treat them like rag dolls to be thrown wherever the plot needs. It’s to the movie’s credit that by the time right before you find out who Ryan Reynolds had his kid with, you still don’t really know exactly who it is, and yet you still care for each of the characters and what will happen to them. When the end does go the sappy route, it doesn’t feel cheap or undeserved – it takes the happy way knowing it could have gone the sad one and been just as good, and as a whole, the movie, thank God, transcends such God-awful claptrap as “Good Luck Chuck” or “The Heartbreak Kid.”

The Worst

3. The Eye

Hey, Miss Alba! It’s good to see you again! Seems I’ve seen you on this list before, just a year ago, hm? Coincidence? I think not! “The Eye” was another one of those lame Hollywood rip-offs of a better Asian film (and the original one wasn’t even one of the better ones) that some exec threw money and a hot star at thinking he could get a profit. The dude from “Jurassic Park III” is in it. You know, the dude who almost got eaten by pteradactyls? Yeah, him. Anyways, “The Eye” plays like a wannabe version of “The Sixth Sense”, and the plot stumbles along with Alba through most of the film, who can’t act her way out of a paper bag, much less make it believable that this eye transplant is causing her to see ghostly images. In the end, it’s just another bullet that every Alba-hater can safely tuck into their rifle.

2. Meet Bill

Hey, look it’s another turd! Oh, wait, that’s just another bullet to add to the Alba Rifle 3000. Whoever concocted this soullless snoozefest should be carefully examined for brain damange – not only is it like some kind of monstrous conglomeration of the worst parts about movies which it shamelessly rips off, it also features some of the worst performances of fairly good actors, like Elizabeth Banks, Timothy Olyphant, and a neutered Aaron Eckhart. (Who would go on to play one of the most underrated roles of 2008 – Harvey Dent.) The script never quite makes sense, and never once stops to explain itself, other than to preach a nifty little “find yourself” message to the audience. Alba as a lingerie clerk is all over the place, never once finds a spot for her character, and seems content to just giggle at random moments. Somehow I have a feeling that my yearly lists won’t be free of her anytime soon.

1. Meet the Spartans

In Alba’s defense, she’s not the only one who’s been on this prestigious list. The lovely Carmen Electra has been in it more – last year’s “Epic Movie” (#4), and 2006’s “Date Movie” (#2). This year, it’s “Meet the Spartans”, a disjointed, barfed-up mess of a movie that is nothing more than cheaply regurgitated and screamingly obvious pop culture references strung together with bodily fluids and private part jokes. I heard “Disaster Movie” was worse, but I didn’t see it. “Meet the Spartans” is the worst movie I have ever seen, bar none, and I have no interest in putting anything above it. It’s painfully unfunny, and makes you want to somehow cause harm to the creators’ dogs. Don’t ask why. Just follow the voice.

The Honorable Mentions

3. Funny Games

French director Michael Haneke was raked over the coals for basically just doing a re-release of his original, and it grossed less than half of its budget. Though yes, it is a shot for shot remake, it’s arguably a necessary one – the kind of people who would go out and pay to see “Hostel” or any of the “Saw” sequels are the ones who need to see this movie, and they wouldn’t go looking in the foreign films section at your local Blockbuster – they’ go to the multiplex for a “fun” evening of torture and death on a family. “Funny Games” slapped these people in the face when it presented a disturbing, unsettling film that was ruthless with its audience to the point where it was even questionable that the movie itself was overstepping its boundaries. Once it starts the onslaught, it does become difficult to endure, but it’s a fascinating project, and different enough in small, subtle ways from the original that anyone who’s seen the first is bound to get something new.

2. W.

Oliver Stone’s movie about our no-longer-incumbent President didn’t raise a lot of eyebrows, but it probably raised more than several middle fingers – its sympathetic portrayal of Bush despite all the harm he’s done to this country and how much people hated him didn’t earn it many tickets – by the time it hit theatres all the Bush-haters were caught up in the Obamoments, and in the last few months while Obama and McCain were racing to the White House, nearly all of the focus was taken off of Bush and placed on the election. So not only did it fly under the radar, but those few who did see it were instantly turned off by Stone’s refusal to take cheap shots at Mr. Bush – what would be the point in making a movie that carbon-copied the political climate and people’s ideas? Why do you need a movie to explain to you what you already know or believe? Much more fascinating to have one that looks at Bush as a lonely, broken man who really only ever wanted to make Dad proud. Brolin’s performance as W. was Oscar-worthy, but that’s the last time I’m mentioning the Oscars in this note, because of how much Oscar voters just didn’t seem to give a crap this year.

1. Pineapple Express

What sets this Apatow production apart from others is its willingness to abandon the loser-guy-gets-life-together-to-be-with-amazing-girl, which, let’s be honest, is starting to get a little cloying. Instead, it starts out simple, a couple o’ potheads (played with easygoing everyman charisma and chemistry by Franco and Rogen), who need to run away from the law, then gets slowly more ridiculous. Criticisms of how over-the-top the last half hour is ignore how it’s all after a well balanced progressions of realism to fantasy. It’s also easily one of the most hilarious Apatow entrires, and doesn’t cater too much to the stoner audience to leave out what an audience not on drugs would find funny.

The Best

10. The Wrestler

What makes this movie so powerful is also what makes it so heartbreaking. Mickey Rourke’s character, Randy “The Ram” Johnson, is a man dealing with the consequences of a broken past, struggling to make ends meet, and things don’t work out for him. He bleeds, bruises, vomits, and makes you cringe every time a blow lands. The script isn’t afraid to put him through his paces, but it never feels like we’re watching a tear-jerker, partially because of how uplifting it is too. This broken man lives on, his wounds healed every time he’s performing for his fans, a rejuvenating act that can’t go on forever. Rourke’s performance is raw and real, drawn from Rourke’s own experiences, portraying Randy as a man lost without the call of the crowd. It’s riveting and visceral filmmaking, even if you couldn’t care less about pro wrestling itself.

9. Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Explosions, shards of falling glass, and evil geniuses in tights be damned and forgotten – Guillermo del Toro’s follow-up to the decent-but-not-great original took the universe from the first and expanded it, rendering it even more complex and fascinating, populated by ninja elves, tentacled super beasties, glowing piles of rock-monsters, and so much extra fantasy eye-candy it’s enough to make your mouth water. It was merely the gorgeous coat to a lean body, though – probably one of funniest superhero scripts ever written, it was solidly character-centric. You cared about these odd alien-like creatures, despite their deadly horns, webbed feet, and gills, and it made the slick action-fantasy that much more enjoyable.

8. Doubt

Oversimplification of the issue is always a danger when it comes to flims about the clergy. In “Doubt,” no question is oversimplified, no one person demonized over another, but instead all highlighted as inextricably human, crippled by doubt of one kind or another, and searching for someone in whom they can trust. The cast is one of the best of the year – each of them playing off one another gracefully and powerfully, which makes for quite a few poignant and heartwrenching scenes. No easy answer is ever offered, and the end leaves you hungering for something beyond the celluloid – that is where some of the best films take you.

7. Bolt

“Bolt” is a good sign – it’s sent a shock to Disney’s animation department and has pulled them out of their creative slump. With a cast of quirky yet surprisingly complex characters, even if there are some plotholes and the whole affair is a bit straightforward, “Bolt” succeeds through sheer energy and ethusiasm – everyone’s having a good time, and many of the visual gags have some Pixar touches, with pop culture references and animals talking hip bllisfully absent. The one who does talk even close to that is a pure loveable sidekick idiot, the hilarious hamster Rhino. It’s a zippy ride all the way through, and easily Disney’s best animated feature in years.

6. Slumdog Millionaire

Danny Boyle is certainly a versatile director, but with his latest he’s outdone himself. The movie is a wondrous surprise, a unique, clever concept skillfully executed and buyoed by excellent performances from a cast of unknowns, including the amazing Dev Patel as the titular “slumdog.” The script manages to brilliantly convey themes of destiny, chance, and love by manipulating traditionally disparate elements (a game show with images of horrific child abuse) into a whole that’s not depressing or didactic, but utterly honest and hopeful. Literally no other film like it was released this year, and such uniqueness comes along only so often. Boyle is maturing more and more as a filmmaker, and it’s a sight to behold.

5. Burn After Reading

Don’t be one of those people who mistakes this for a movie, in essence, about nothing – because the nonsensical surface is merely a decoy, disguising and, by turn, illuminating the film’s main themes: greed, stupidity, paranoia, and government dunderheadedness, all made gruesome and dark in screwball strokes, as the people in the movie barrel onward to an obscenely ludicrous conclusion only possible in a Coen Brothers’ flick. Its apparent stupidity is part of its genius, as it can both be enjoyed as a silly little comedy and an exploration of today’s paranoid times. The cast’s hilarious performances are a nice fat bonus, especially Pitt’s as a clueless workout center employee, both bold and unforgettable.

4. Gran Torino

Faced with an ever-changing world, Clint Eastwood’s Walt Kowalski reacts by digging in his toes and growling away anyone who wants to pry him from mid 20th century USA. It’s not a gimmick or plot device that Walt is frightened of change, but a true expression of prejudices across America, and the necessity for reconciliation if we’re ever to overcome our pasts and move forward. Walt is classic Eastwood, a la Dirty Harry – hardboiled, bitter, gruff, and swearing up a storm of racial slurs to boot, but the most surprising thing about “Gran Torino” is its warmth – the gritty intensity spewed out by Eastwood isn’t ever really bothersome or offensive, but funny and endearing, because we understand how stuck in the past he is, and how even though he’s a mean old bastard, he’s a good guy at heart, and needs a little push. It’s a subtle, quietly beautiful movie, catching you by surprise, drawing you in, and it’s one of Eastwood’s best in recent memory. The fact that that he produced, directed, and starred in it all in less than a year makes it even more impressive.

3. Wall-E

Will Pixar never cease proving to us that it’s the greatest animation studio in the world right now? Hopefully not, because after wiping away the slightly bad taste from “Cars” with the perfectly delectable dish of “Ratatouille,” Pixar drops our jaws open in entirely new ways with “Wall-E.” From the first twenty minutes that carry all the grace and style of the golden age of silent films, to the endearing bot-love between Wall-E and Eve, to the visually explosive escapades through space, to the powerfully relevant images of an entire species floating through space staring no farther than five inches in front of their eyes, all the way to the cautionary tale of throwing away waste without regard to its consequences, the film is quite the achivevement, transending its own medium and producing something truly great.

2. Speed Racer

Box-office bomb, a bunch of exploded crayolas, visual onslaught, seizure-inducing colors – all of these phrases have been used to describe, in one form or another, the first film the Wachowski Brothers have directed since the third Matrix. And all of them, in one form or another, are over-simplifications that entirely miss the point of the movie – to be a sheer, all-out thrill ride, anime incarnate, a bombardment of images that unleash the ultimate kids’s fantasy – cars racing at hundreds of miles an hour, smashing into each other and breaking the laws of physics right and left as they flip, dash, and careen toward the finish line. Like in their previous films, the Wachowskis break new ground in the visual/digital world – you’ve never seen anything like “Speed Racer,” and you probably never will again. The cheesy dialog was also misunderstood. The script is, in fact, very deliberate – each line specifically tailored to mesh the debatably incongruous world of cartoons and real people, and each image a vibrantly colored bit of speed-enhanced candy. It’s a fun, unique, over-the-top, visual mind-f*ck, not to be missed.

1. The Dark Knight

No more Mr. Nice Bat.

With comic book movies, every now and then one comes out that sets new standards for the genre, elevating it to true art, but “The Dark Knight”’s real achievement is that it goes one step further – it’s not just a great comic book movie, it’s a great movie, already compared to such gangster classics as “The Godfather” or “Goodfellas,” and for once those comparisons don’t seem like overblown hype. The script by Chris Nolan and his brother, John, is pure cinema at its thrilling apex, a grandiose adventure expertly threaded with themes like the role of a hero, justice in this chaotic world, and good vs. evil vs. the gray in between. The cast was superb all around, from Christian Bale, darkening Batman down, a man so twisted in on himself he can’t really see which way is up anymore; Harvey Dent, played by Aaron Eckhart, who gives Harvey’s too-quick character arc an astounding depth and emotion, a fallen white knight corrupted by chaos. Heath Ledger as the Joker, not so much a person as an evil force, haunting the streets of Gotham, terrorizing its citizens, is simply breathtaking, and the actor vanishes beneath that paint and cackle, morphing into an instantly iconic villain, ravaged by god-knows-what and machine-gun blasting Jack Nicholon’s joker to oblivion. Then there’s Maggie Gyllenhall, a huge improvement over the ditzy Katie Holmes, who’s shares believable chemistry with Harvey while successfully conveying her brokenheartedness over having to abandon Bruce. And never has someone so noble been so fascinating as in Gary Oldman’s portrayal of Commissioner Gordon. Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine in the smaller roles also shine. The special effects are some of the best out there, and they never once threaten to choke out the characters. The script is long, but worth every minute. Sometimes all the pieces come together in a perfect concoction so awe-inspiring it reminds you with every minute of why you go to movies in the first place. You watch “The Dark Knight” like the Batman vaulting off the spires of a skyscraper, soaring on the wind, exhilarated with every breath you take, amazed by what you see.

Much has been said elsewhere by pretty much anyone who doesn’t actually like to have their intelligence and very being insulted on a personal level when they pay their eight bucks to go to the movies, about how recent “spoof movies” such as Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, etc., reach such epic levels of sucktitude that Leslie Nielson actually vomits every time someone mentions any one of them in general conversation, no matter how far away they are from him in the world. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The website FunnyorDie.com has featured a lot of parodies, from Paris Hilton’s 2008 campaign ads, to last Halloween’s Freddy Krueger: Registered Offender video. Recently however, they’ve been getting into the movie trailer spoof market, and the results have managed to be funnier than every previously mentioned movie combined in just a few minutes.

First up was The Uncler. I’ve made it no secret that I absolutely loved The Wrestler. It, Slumdog Millionaire, and Wall-E were easily the three best films of last year. And now comes this spot on parody that somehow manages to make light of a depressing movie and an exponentially more depressing economic crisis without actually demeaning or cheapening either.

More recently a video appeared that took that one scene from the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory that scared the living crap out of a generation of kids (the tunnel boat ride), and wondered what the movie would be like if that aesthetic was applied to the rest of it. The result is a mixture of Willy Wonka and Saw that would make Roald Dahl proud.

After viewing these two ingenious clips, the question must be asked, why can’t Hollywood do the same?

I have never seen this movie, which is a parody on a movie I haven’t seen either (“300″). However, this screenshot of the trailer is precious. I didn’t take the screenshot, but found it through Google Image Search. This image was only 450 by 231 pixels, so when I blew it up on my computer screen is was quite “fuzzy”.

The rough drawing was done in 60 minutes, using an HB pencil on A4 (210 x 297 mm) 120 g/m² drawing paper.

I’m sure it’s a hilarious movie, because I had so much fun drawing this scene.

That is all.

I was watching AMC (the best channel ever by the way) and they had a commercial for the movie “Catwoman.” I thought to myself “wow that movie is TERRIBLE.. its ridiculous that she could fight crime in that outfit.” Then I started thinking about movies I hate, and what would be the top 10 worst movies ever. Apocalypto and Spiderman 3 came to mind. Since the only way you could like those movies are if your a Nazi (all Mel Gibson movies have Nazi undertones) or if your emo (Spiderman 3.. ARE YOU SERIOUS???). Well some movies are so bad that they are actually good.. so i left those off the list, because they always play them on like the Sci-Fi channel and are awesome. Well without further ado, the 10 worst movies of all time.

I have decided that I am not going to explain these movies. They are all terrible, and it is self-explanatory why.

10. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?

9. Gigli

8. Crossover

7. Meet The Spartans

6. Disaster Movie

5. The Hillz

4. Baby Geniuses 2

3. Napoleon Dynamite

*Special Note: Only movie I walked out of the theater during.

2. From Justin to Kelly

1. The Hottie & The Nottie

**Special Note: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!

That is it…. these movies are a joke and I warn you to never ever ever ever see ANY of these movies.

Until Next Time, OBALLER.