You start off all young, your journey begun
Your eyes are dashing to behold
The sights that you see, the smells from your feet
And your breath when it’s really too cold

And after a time, you’re told in a rhyme
That there’s gold at the end of the road
And you track and you toil, you break and you broil
For the gold at the end of the road

You’re not so young now, and your jaw is aground
From the amount of work on your load
But you’re still young yet, and you won’t regret
The gold at the end of the road.

And after a time, you’re told in a rhyme
That there’s gold at the end of the road
And you track and you toil, you break and you broil
For the gold at the end of the road

You scramble and scrape, you gamble and gape
And make every call and all folds
But you still can’t make the money you need
To have the gold at the end of the road.

And after a time, you’re told in a rhyme
That there’s gold at the end of the road
And you track and you toil, you break and you broil
For the gold at the end of the road

And then you grow old, and your shoulders turn mauve
And your bread becomes crusty and mold.
And yet you continue, on this path sans venue
For some gold at the end of the road.

And after a time, you’re told in a rhyme
That there’s gold at the end of the road
And you track and you toil, you break and you broil
For the gold at the end of the road

And now you’re all spent, your skeleton’s a dent
And your skin is a huggin’ your bones
And you feel a sensation, a queer revelation
About the gold at the end of the road.

And you cry to the sky, and you ask it “why why!”
“Why was I never told?”
“The Gold’s not a price, it’s nor a gold piece”
“But my life, which I wasted for ore.”

And after a time, you’re told in a rhyme
That there’s gold at the end of the road
And you track and you toil, you break and you broil
For the gold at the end of the road

o i might not be doing this for a while.

i’ll re post it on my link bar when i can be botherd

I’m in a weird situation at the moment and I have decided to fuck off out of it, so there we go. Just thought I’d…y’know, say and stuff.

Also yesterday I watched Schindler’s List for the first time and I loved it. Even though Ralph Fiennes sounds exactly like Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno.

So yeah, I’m a messy person.  I have a serious habit of not cleaning my room when I need to, and it’s something my parents would love to knock out of me.

Well, now I don’t live in their house, and my room is a mess.

The reason I am telling you all this is because there was a bit of discussion on twitter today about desktops, and how, as Rilgon put it, “Messy desktops make baby Rilgon rage :<”

Well, I hope he’s ready to weep from fury.  I use a Mac, and this is how my Desktop looks.
My only saving grace is that the dock at the bottom hides.

-Phil

As a preface, this is the novel I was writing for NaNoWriMo.  Since I’m not in the running anymore this year, I have decided to post what I do have over the course of the year until NaNoEMo, National Novel Editing Month.  Hopefully I’ll have the whole story typed up by then so I can participate in it.

In any case, here’s part 1! In all of its shitty goodness.

———————

Rain.  It’s always raining on days like these.

The millions of little drops flying across your face, slamming into your side like hundreds of little freight trains, each one soaking you to the bone.  Your skin crawls from the cold, and each time the wind picks up feels like you’re getting slapped by a woman made of ice.

Happily, I was inside my office.  The noise of the open office space outside my door mingled with the sound of the rain slamming against my window, creating a little symphony of the city.
The symphony was pierced by the phone on my desk, which rang loud and clear through everything else.  I knew why it was ringing, and I knew who was calling.  They were calling me to go somewhere I didn’t know, where I was not likely to come back from.  I picked up the phone.

“This is Detective Black speaking.”

The voice that greeted me on the phone was distorted, masked.  It sounded like someone had replaced their throat with a voice box.

“Ronald Black, meet us at Red’s Diner in 30 minutes.”
    Click.
    At the very least it was succinct.

I took the next few minutes to enjoy the music of the city before leaving.  The cars rolling on by, the shouting going on in the open area outside my office.  The rain slamming against my window.

I got out of my chair and took another look at my office.  It’s not a big office, but it’s mine.  The walls are covered in cheap brown wallpaper and it’s peeling in several places on the ceiling, which is painted taupe and has a ceiling fan.  The grey, shoddily carpeted floor is covered in stains of all kinds: curry, pizza, noodles, anything and everything has been spilled on this carpet.  Even blood, recently.

I walked around my desk in the middle of the room, knocking off a handful of playing cards.  The light on the desk flickered a couple of times, struggling to stay on for as long as it could before it died out, like a man hanging on the edge of a cliff with a cold, watery grave at the bottom.  I made my way to the coat hanger next to the door.  The comforting weight of the trench coat hugs my shoulders as I put it on, causing me to relax and think that even now, things could be worse.  I walked to the full body mirror on the other side of the room, and I took a good hard look at myself.

The bags under my eyes were big enough to carry groceries with and dark enough to look like eyeshadow.  My short brown hair had a greasy look and feel to it from going so long without bathing.  My black tie was halfway undone, my 5 o’clock looked scraggly, and my blue shirt wasn’t tucked in.  I looked like shit.

I couldn’t be bothered with fixing myself up at the moment to look presentable, so I went to the desk to grab my badge and my gun.  The gun is a 6 shooter revolver, but all I know otherwise is that it goes bang, and it kills people.  I tend to dislike using guns, so I don’t know a lot about them.

I holstered the gun on my harness, and wrapped my coat around me like second skin.  I walked to the door, turned around to take one last look at the office, and then walked out of the room.  
The door slammed behind me, and I couldn’t help but notice that the lightbulb finally died. The room went dark.

Today I completed My degree in Computer Networking and Securities!!!!

Feeling totally emo, sorry. Luck doesn’t seem to want to be my friend this week.

I’ve lost nearly a whole years worth of photos because Chris’ HDD decided to jump off the top of the CPU and break. Oh bye me. Bloody waste of time if you ask me! There’s some other stuff too that I don’t really want to go into but basically, letting stuff get too much isn’t a good thing.

I have some good news though! Scarlett Jarvis was born at 22:55 yesterday evening weighing 9lb 8oz! After Kayleigh texted me yesterday, I was up until 5am and was awoken at 7am from a text she sent me, informing me of the news! I read it half asleep and having only 2 hours sleep! Haha. I woke up at 11am thinking that I had dreamt it! I was so happy! gonna go to the hospital to see them tomorrow as she’s coming home Friday morning. Also pleased that she wasn’t born on a Wednesday so she’s now “full of grace” and not woe which is nice as her mum is a classy young lady and someone that I love very much! <3

Dunno what I'm gonna write about now. Ooh yeah.

FRANKENSTEIN IN 3D! It was weeeiiiiirrrrrdddd! Kinda cool in parts though. The film was campy, cheesy, 1973 horror and was really funny and a bit porny tbh. Boobies everywhere. Actually, anything on TV in 3D is just odd. It works ok, it's not brilliant but cool all the same. I had to wear my glasses over the top of the 3D ones so I could sit further back and not in front of the screen, holding them on my face!

Onto something new now:

BURLESQUE starring Christina Aguilera and Cher! Started filming a few days ago and we're getting candids of Xtina on set already!!! She looks amazing! And there’s a video here.

Credit: XtinaWeb.org

I’m so excited for this film (mainly because I’m a stan)! Really looking forward to going to see it in the cinema! Mind you, I said that about Sex and The City and The X-Files but I never went to see them THIS I definitely will though.

I think I should perhaps add more to my about page? Kinda boring at the moment but then again, so am I! And so is this blog.

Been watching TrueBlood? I love it! it’s so good. And I love Stephen Moyer, mainly because he comes from Essex and greeted Steve Jones with “ello luv” in glorious Estuary English! Link here.

OMG! Not my boring weather man on BBC1! Guess what? He’s saying it’s raining in that lovely monotone drawl of his! HOO-FUCKING-RAY! Sorry. But still. Hello November! He has moved his hair so it doesn’t like quite as grey and dark grey Cruella De Vil-ish. RAIN. All like to be windy and wet. Wet and windy. Windy and showery. Sunday showers. Sunday fairly windy. *Sigh*.

Bugger all on telly… OOOOH. Angel is on Sci-Fi in 10 minutes. Hawtness.

Still got a headache

Ahhh, the end of Buffy. Which episode? I think this is where Kendra dies. Lemme go check. Oooh! Angelus! Sooo hawt. Hawter than Angel.

Becoming – Part One
Part one of two. Angel attempts to destroy the world by reviving an ancient demon, while Buffy and Willow race against time to restore the vampire’s soul. Elsewhere, Spike goes on the prowl, having finally recovered from his injuries. Supernatural adventure, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar

Bye Angelus Omg, I love Dru. She’s amazing. It’s finishing now and the Buffy/Angel love theme is playing. Buffy just found Kendra dead.

The Angel episode next is:

Inside Out
As Cordelia prepares to give birth, Angel discovers her link with the Beast is part of a conspiracy that has been manipulating them all for years. Meanwhile, Connor is forced to confront his dead mother

Ahh, Darla <3 I love her so much. I completely forgot that she was the first EVER vampire you see in the Buffy pilot until I watched them all. Bless her, she shared Connor's soul and staked herself to save him. My favourite episode of Buffy/Angel is the "Fool For Love"/"Darla" crossover. You learn a lot about Angelus, Darla, Spike and Dru. Amazing.

"Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?" and the Magic 8-Ball says, "Definitely". Haha. I love Lorne. I really hope I honour Andy Hallett in my story. Actually, I hope I honour all the people who inspired my "gang".

Talking to Sandyodeeee on Twitter about Angel now What a great show it was. It's a shame that Joss Whedon could never match it with Firefly and Dollhouse

I love Wesley. I love his evolution. As he said, "my throat was cut and all my friends abandoned me". That's a good excuse to rebel Plus, Faith tortured him in season one so he had his reasons!

Poor Connor so naive.

OMG it's Skip! Haha. I loved him even if he turned out to be playing them. hahah. "Nobody comes back from paradise. Ok, a Slayer once…" reference to Buffy dying and going to Heaven! LOL. Oh Angel. So gorgeous.

Aww! DARLA! I love her. She was such a sad character. Always felt really sorry for her, especially when she revealed that she couldn’t remember her real name after 400 years of life. She was already 200-odd when she sired Liam and therefore turned him in Angelus. She was dying before The Master changed her and when Wolfram & Hart brought her back as human, she started to die again. Then Dru turned her back She’s trying to convince Connor not to kill the girl now.

Skip is telling them that everything happened for a reason to bring the whole story together. It makes sense when you think about it all and the way it happened.

Oops, there goes the girl. He didn’t listen to his mother! Silly boy!

Uh oh, Cordy has gone into labour and here comes Jasmine! (not my Jasmine though). CONNOR, IT ISN’T CORDELIA YOU SILLY BOY! Oops, there’s daddy! Angel is so much better when he’s pissed off. Kill him? yeah! Good luck Connor. He has 240 years experience on you. Yeah, go on Wes, shoot Skip! Wesley is so sexy when he wants to be.

Hey ho, there’s Jasmine. She was sooo annoying and only Fred could see her real face. Oh Angel, you noob. Don’t fall under her spell

Finished now! Gonna go bed in a bed. Tired.

Night night!

x

Hey Hey Hey, I suppose this would make me a nerd but as of today i have managed to hook my computer up to my lap top so now I Get the joy of having linux on my pc and my tv, awesome!!!!

nuf said

The STs from last night carried on into this morning, but I’m doing better now – I’m just waiting to die rather than contemplating doing it myself.

This sucks.

You know who you are and if you don’t then you better ask whoever you gave your money to.  Week 10 and we still have some outstanding dues.  I’m not paying for you and please don’t make this an issue.  Rules will change for next year guaranteed.

Don’t even.

(Although I have good news! Shall post later!!)

Speak up dear, ’cause I cannot hear you… I need to know

why we don’t trust them.

Zi de cacat, oare? Ia sa va povestesc ce facui azi.

Aseara am stat ca tembelu’ pana la 01:15 ca sa ma chinui cu traducerea prezentarii powerpoint a firmei de exercitiu, din romana in engleza. Asadar, astazi m-am trezit cu chiu cu vai la 06:10, cam tarziu ca sa ma duc la scoala, la prima ora. Noroc cu profa care nu mi-a pus absenta, sau daca mi-a pus absenta, o sa motiveze. Ca e buna si frumoasa.

Autobuzul de 7 fara 10 e aglomerat si naspa. Meh. Ajung la liceu, COLEGIUL ECONOMIC, la ora 7:30, o babeta sta la poarta, cica-i profesoara de serviciu si nu ne lasa sa intram pe poarta COLEGIULUI ECONOMIC, pe mine si pe alti vreo 20 de liceeni, pentru ca nu am ajuns la timp la COLEGIUL ECONOMIC. Astfel, o sa stam 15 minute pe-afara, pana cand din punct de vedere legal o sa avem autorizatia de a patrunde in COLEGIUL ECONOMIC!

Ajung. Cat entuziasm, ceva de nedescris! Meh. Ora de tic a trecut ca vantu’ si ca gandu’. La ora de resurse.. am mers la sala 12 ca sa aratam lumii intregi ce prezentare minunata in powerpoint avem! Desigur, banuiam ca o sa iasa prost inca de cand am pornit videoproiectorul. Inca mai avem de modificat cate ceva, maine o sa ajunga la Bratislava, sper. Sper asta pentru ca nu trebuie sa facem de ras COLEGIUL ECONOMIC!!

Meh. Oamenii-s rai, dar mesajul este clar. O avem, rau.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyCMuJmxKJ8

Trebuie doar exploatata.

N-am mai scris de ceva vreme chestii din astea rebele. Da’ ma revolt. Auzi, iau amenda.. de ce? DRACU’ isi ia costum albastru, imi ador costumul negru. Albastrul e naspa, si m-am saturat ca tot COLEGIUL ECONOMIC sa arate la fel, parca suntem clonati/hipnotizati de o forta superioara. 50 de ron. Uuu. Cu 50 de ron imi iau 5 sticle de cola, si vreo 7 pungi de seminte de 200 de grame, resurse suficiente pentru 2 sezoane de Californication. Deci nu, spuneti nu amenzii.

Am dat lucrare la mate. Halal lucrare. Ma laudam ca eu am inteles matematica de-a 11-a! Normal c-am inteles-o, dar am inteles doar ce faceam noi in clasa, ca lucrarea pe care ne-a dat-o a fost SF rau de tot. Greu, al dracului de greu. Asta a fost la analiza, vineri urmeaza algebra. Si nu-s prea optimist. Mai am 2 ani de Colegiu Economic, de lectii pe care le repetam la nesfarsit in anii de liceu, doar ca intr-a 10-a sunt la Economia Intreprinderii iar in clasa a 11-a sunt la Planificare Operationala… si-ar mai fi exemple. Dupa astia 2 ani, facultate de litere, pastreaza-mi un loc sau te invadez.

emergency.

]]> http://daintyinferno.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/every-day-is-saturday/ Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:19:31 +0000 Mandy http://daintyinferno.wordpress.com/2009/11/18/every-day-is-saturday/

It’s disorienting being unemployed. There’s nothing to get up early for, nowhere to be, nothing pressing to do. Without the guideline of a full time job to plan my time around, it’s difficult to get going on anything. I press snooze far more many times than usual. I’ve taken to getting my FreshDirect deliveries earlier so that I have something to get me out of bed. That covers one day out of every two weeks. The rest of the time I’m sleeping until noon and feeling guilty about it. Not guilty enough to drag myself out of bed earlier.

If I weren’t drawing on unemployment benefits, I’d find a part-time job to keep me busy. I can’t do that and keep my benefits, which I find strange. It’s great to have that safety net of unemployment insurance, no matter how tiny it is, yet it seems to do a great job of keeping me unemployed. I’d have to find a gig that gets me more than the $405 a week I’m getting right now, and if those kinds of jobs were plentiful, there wouldn’t be much of a problem.

One of the troubles is finding anything that I’m qualified for or interested in. I find 1 or 2 jobs a week that are worth applying for. I’m stuck in a strange kind of limbo, where I’m not quite fresh out of school, yet not experienced enough to satisfy the requirements for the senior level jobs. I’m the employee equivalent of day-old bread. Doesn’t someone out there need croutons?

PLEASE STOP

Yeah, um… I’ve been watching one anime lately and it was obviously Seiken no Blacksmith. Over the past few weeks, this show has been really slow. Yeah sure we got all the new characters and stuff, but is that it? Also Cecily is kinda annoying with her “I will protect the town” crap. The rest of the characters are ok, I just didn’t expect Aria’s personality to be so nice. *LOL AMI KAWASHIMA LOOK-A-LIKE* I think the only reason why I’m watching this series is because I want Cecily and Luke to end up together. HURRDURRR…. But now after watching a few more episodes, I realized what this show is really about…. BOOB PLATES.

moe moe kyun blah blah blah

Please!!!! Make it stop! I don’t want every episode to have a boob joke! I just want some Cecily/Luke tsundere fluff! Man, some of the scenes in every episode almost puts me to sleep and make me think of some other things instead. That’s how desparate I am with this anime. Oh well, just might as well go with the flow no matter how awkward it is. I should be doing homework right now but procrastination got the best of me, again. Meh I’ll just keep watching it anyways.

Although normally I would like to expand my filler posts after writing them, I am not going to today.

Why? Because I wish to RAGE.

Today was actually pretty good to start.  I woke up, went to conducting, and did a fair amount of arm waggling.  It was all very good.  I even finished a piece with a sword slash movement, which I’ve always wanted to do.

I then spent time in the lounge playing cards.  Also good.

Theory went well, but I’m confused as shit.  To add, there is a test on Wednesday; but I’ll manage.

After that, I played a game called Mao for 3 hours.  It was a lot of fun.  No, I can’t tell you how to play Mao, suffice to say it is the most awesome card game ever.

I then went to a Take 4 concert, where I saw probably to most entertaining soprano of my life.  Seriously? Astrid, you were awesome.

But none of the above, in any way, could have dented how badly I’ve felt afterwards.

Good thing I talked to Lorelai and I’ve been diffused.

So, never mind.

-Phil

Three weeks left, who’s gonna get the bye, who’s gonna get in? Here’s how I see it. 

Hello, Good BYE
(1) Full Moon Masacre (8-2)
Tough BDFL schedule but nice NFL schedule give Tim high points.
Yet to Play: Irish Car Bombs, WildPat, Mud Ducks
Projected finish: 2-1

(2) prestige worldwide (8-2)
Cakewalk but Brees gets NE at one point.
Yet to Play: ScratchinMyCotchery, WWJD?, Irish Car Bombs
Projected finish: 2-1

Locked IN
(3) Wildpat (7-3)
Indy plays nobody here on out but everyone else has a tough route.
Yet to Play: Mud Ducks, Full Moon Masacre, USMC Football
Projected finish: 2-1

Non-Celebrity Deathmatch
(4) Mud Ducks (6-4)
Will Cutler play better?
Yet to Play: Wildpat, PFord, Full Moon Masacre
Projected finish:2-1

(5) Irish Car Bombs (6-4)
How do the big three finish?
Yet to Play: Full Moon Masacre, USMC Football, prestige worldwide
Projected finish:2-1

Hold on Tight
(6) ScratchinMyCotchery (4-6)
Brady will deliver a playoff berth for Drew
Yet to Play: prestige worldwide, PeterKingsCleavage, Pford
Projected finish:2-1

(OUT) PeterKingsCleavage (4-6)
All comes down to Turner’s health.
Yet to Play: PFord, ScratchinMyCotchery, WWJD?
Projected finish: 1-2

On the Bubble (AKA: See You Next Year)
(OUT) WhatWouldJones-Drew? (3-7)
Favorable matchups but too little too late.
Yet to Play: USMC Football, prestige worldwide, PeterKingsCleavage
Projected finish: 2-1

(OUT) PFord (2-8)
Next time, wake up and leave Kiley at home.
Yet to Play: PeterKingsCleavage, Mud Ducks, ScratchinMyCotchery
Projected finish: 1-2

(OUT) USMC Football (2-8)
Ouch
Yet to Play: WWJD?, Irish Car Bombs, Wildpat
Projected finish: 0-3

That’s pretty much how I see things shaken down. Hopefully I’m wrong but should be interesting.

Thanks Ray Ray.

RU Rah Rah, RU Rah Rah, Upstream Red Team, Red Team Upstream, Rah Rah, Rutgers Rah!

#25 ladies.  Welcome back.

I’m shooting up as I type!

Got the go ahead for EPU this Wednesday, so I’m just doing my last shots of Lucrin and Puregon now, followed by a trigger shot of Ovidrel at 10pm tonight, and we should be good to go.

Feeling meh about the whole thing though. Today’s clinic visit was idiotic. My vein did a Vesuvius all over the wall – I swear it was like arterial spray from CSI: Miami – there was no discrete metre of interfacing to cover up my bloated stomach and untended bikini line  (and I know a muff shot to a FN is like the most normal thing on earth, and as a former life model, I would like to say I am totally comfortable with my naked form, HOWEVER, I like a bit of cloth to protect what little modesty one can have whilst doing IVF) and she was rushing through things so quickly, I don’t think she did a proper count of my follicles.

But whatever. We shall see on Wednesday.

And in other news, I am self medicating with a pinot on a school night because I am SICK of being fucked around by potential employers who make tentative job offers, then advertise said job.

What’s wrong with me? Aren’t I good enough? Or is it that I am a 33 year old woman and a potential liability.

This odd mixture of emotions is getting the better of me, and sometimes it feels as though the only way to go on living with even the most minute type of normalcy is to completely ostracize myself. It’s like the only way I can do okay or be okay is to limit my interaction with the rest of the social world. Which is odd in itself, as I’m craving company. I’m stuck in a horrific conundrum, and I don’t want to play anymore.

I have so much to do, and I don’t feel like I have the time to do it. I have obligations and constraints, and there simply is not enough time in the day without my running myself completely ragged. Break cannot come soon enough. And even then, I have to try to get a lot of work done during the break as well. Huzzah.

Things have started to happen, also, that bother me. I’m not upset, I’m not mad, I’m just…irritated. I feel like I’m struggling to empty my already overflowing plate, and shit just keeps being shovelled onto it. Please, please, leave me alone! I’m not sure how much more I can handle. I feel like I’ve been doing okay lately, you know, being responsible and whatnot, and getting things taken care of, but that’s academically. Once academics and my life start raping me up the ass, I start to get a little flustered. And a little flustered can easily turn into a lot flustered.

I just want to go home. I want to be done with some of the shit I am in the middle of (fortunately, some of it will be out of the way before the week is up) and get on with it. I want to get on with it.

I found me again. It’s odd, because due to the situation, I’m not all that happy. But I am happy. I’m that girl who I used to be, but better. I’m bright. I laugh. I radiate. And it’s so much better than how I used to be. And my first thought when I realized this was that it’s too bad that He isn’t around to experience it, and isn’t interested anyway.

Because I’m the type of girl he’d fall in love with. All over again.

Mostly, I’m just checked out on the shit that doesn’t matter. The small stuff doesn’t even roll off, because I don’t let it touch me. I don’t have the time, energy or patience to freak the fuck out about things that are inconsequential or out of my control.

I’m better now. I wish the people I want and need to see that actually would.

I’m in a bad frame of mind at the mo.

Being ill for 4 days hasn’t done me good. I’ve done no work and no exercise.

I’m not really in a bad mood, but i’m not really in a good mood. Just in a kind of bleh mood.

I’m in two minds about going to college tomorrow. I wanna go in and do some work in print, but i can’t face Steve being his usual bitchy self cos i’ve not done the work i should’ve done cos i’ve been ill. At least i’ll have a legit reason for using the lift cos my ankle still doesn’t work.

I hate Steve so much. Stupid scouse bastard thinking he’s all it. *represses rant*

These aren’t huge things that really should be bothering me, but when i’m in this kind of mind set, everything bad is amplified a million times and anything good seems to be stamped on and disappeared as soon as it happens.

Here ends the concise psycho-analysis of me.

♥