Wotcha everyone,

Cataclysm. It has quite a number of people all excited, and good play to Blizzard for that. It’s the biggest overhaul of a game in play evah!

Well, other than the entertaining farrago that was Star Wars Galaxies’ “New Game Experience”. Which was definitely new, and definitely an experience, and it was a game. It could also be described as a Fiasco, and in that it shares something with the Second Crusade.

Sorry. Digressing already.

So, it’s the second biggest overhaul to a game in play evah!. Yay!

It’s exciting, it really is.

Of course, it has meant that I’ve stopped thinking about playing World of Warcraft. There doesn’t seem much point in playing the game right now, seeing as the countdown to all your gear is now rubbish is running, and levelling alts would be a bit silly seeing as all (or most of) the zones are supposed to be changing.

I’m not sure that was part of Blizzard’s intentions, but hey, I’m pretty sure that Blizzard will survive and even prosper without needing my subscription every month.

I’m also glad that Blizzard are willing to take that much time and effort to change their world environment that much. I’ve been reminiscing about World of Warcraft before The Burning Crusade expansion, and to be perfectly honest I’m surprisingly nostalgic for those times. Certain things I will not miss, but the freshness of the world, the learning process, and a certain lack of scepticism made for a gaming experience that wasn’t as jaded as my gaming is now.

I’ve also been pondering whether or not I will get Cataclysm. Just as for Wrath of the Liche King, I won’t be there on launch day: There was a tad too much carnage for me the day The Burning Crusade went live. I just don’t want to share a zone with meeeeeeeellions of players again. No thanks.

I was thinking of firing it up after a couple of weeks, when the initial rush has died down. Gigglesome, it could be. Seeing the new(old) areas, and having a mooch around seeing how things have changed. As well as trying one of them Worgen thingies out. And vaping things with my leet shaman powarz. That sort of thing.

But I do have a couple of issues that I’ll need to resolve before I decide whether or not to grab Cataclysm.

The first, and most important, is that despite the fact that zones are being recreated in cataclysmic fashion, the game-play is not changing. Levelling might be new and improved thanks to fresh content, but that’s just new content on an old style of play. Is it still going to be killing cockludgers and grabbing boxes of cornflakes?

The second is that I’d feel really, really ghoulish logging in just to see the changes. Hey, this is a disaster zone. Not even the promise of disaster relief quest chains would make me feel better about essentially logging on to be a disaster tourist. By the way, I don’t know if there are disaster relief quest chains. But… Icky and wrong!

There’ still a big part of me that’s excited and interested to see how World of Warcraft will change as a result of the Cataclysm, though.

Cheers,

Hawley.

dear mier,

alhamdulillah.as for today ..our periO clinic,i was very lucky. my doctor in charge was very nice to me. alhamdulillah.

after surgery clinic,i found perio clinic was not bad either. i fall in love with perio.although,that was not very easy to do scaling for the retroclined lower anterior…but,i feel good till this moment i’m typing to u.ya,u are right. he was my very first patient after nini chan.i wish i’d do my bestest next time,and got a complete case before this semester end.. and i summarized today clinic,was very inspiring.thank you doc haidar.thank you dania..both of u made my day.

******

dear mier,

aku mula menyedari apa itu erti sebuah peluang.peluang itu bukan untuk dicari tetapi sentiasa ada bersama kita tanpa kita sedari.

tiba2 aku teringat kan kisah yang sering ku dengari dizaman kanak2 dulu.kisah arnab dan kura2..yang mana kura2 berjaya menewaskan arnab yang kalah dek kesilapan nya sendiri..si arnab juga begitu merendah2 kan si arnab. apa yang dapat ku tafsirkan kisah itu menerusi kaca mata minda ku ialah..si kura2 telah berjaya menggunakan peluang yang ada untuk terus berjalan hingga ke titik akhir.walaupun dalam hatinya dia sangat percaya bahawa dirinya tidak sekuat arnab,tidak juga setangkas arnab.tapi kerana si kura2 telah mengambil peluang untuk percaya akan dirinya sendiri dan mencuba..dia akhirnya MENANG.  manakala si arnab, telah menyalah gunakan peluang yang ada.sekiranya dia tidak memandang rendah dan menggunakan peluang waktu yang ada untuk menamatkan larian nya itu,pasti dia tidak kalah di tangan kura2. si arnab telah menggunakan peluang yang ada untuk berehat2 sehingga tertidur.dan akhirnya, dia sendiri yang rugi kan…alangkah mudahnya manusia itu untuk rugi.sama seperti aku..kamu cam mana? .peluang itu bukan untuk dicari.tapi untuk dihargai.. bak kata orang putih live life to the fullest.. huhu

mungkin aku dan kamu ingin menjadi seseorang yang lebih baik ,lebih itu dan ini..tapi kerana aku dan kamu tidak memberi peluang pada diri sendiri untuk berubah..kita tak dapat apa yang kita nak.kalau aku sendiri tak memaafkan dan menerima kekurangan orang lain,aku pasti hidup dalam keadaan tidak tenteram seperti sebelumnya. ya, bukan mudah untuk bagi peluang pada diri sendiri..namun,setiap kesusahan itu pasti ada kesenangan..dan ku bersyukur kerana Tuhan izinkan aku untuk bagi peluang pada diri sendiri untuk berubah.mulakan hidup baru bersama ahli rumah tangga aku..huhu.kau tahu siapa mereka bukan,wahai mier.. walau terpaksa berkorban sedikit,tapi hasilnya amat manis. alhamdulillah.semoga Tuhan izinkan perasaan ini istiqamah sehingga ke akhirnya..ameen.

“Kau tempat ku meminta,Kau beriku bahagia..jadikan aku selamanya insan yang selalu bersyukur”

kembali kepada fitrah,

yang ikhlas,

mishimoshi

xoxoxo

What a great opportunity.

Christmas is just four and a half weeks away.

The three musketeers are the perfect age to be captivated by all the season holds.

And I, a very creative individual, am available to lead the captivation 24/7!

So we started discussing what we would do to celebrate the season today.

Nine, Ten, and Eleven each wrote letters to Santa. Actually they dictated and I typed and they signed. (I’m a secretary for kids).

Something tells me they will soon receive letters back from the jolly ole’ elf himself, along with official Nice Girl Certificates, signed and sealed by SC himself.

Anyway, I said we would go see Santa soon.

Soon means today when you are five.

And they thought I meant the North Pole instead of Macy’s.

So while I was busy doing something, Ten comes up and tugs at my sleeve ans says, “Dad, when are we going to the North Pole?”

It’s gonna be a great Christmas.

It is a bit early for a blog, but I am in a good mood and wanted to share why.

Today is going to consist of a lot of cleaning and homework/studying because I have two sets of homework due tomorrow, and another big test. Music always helps me move faster, and concentrate what I am doing. I think it because I can focus on the lyrics and music of the songs, and focus on my task, so I won’t have any room to think about how these chores are really not what I want to be doing at the moment

My music preference has been changing lately to include more electronica and techno, because this is mostly what Dragon listens to. I have never liked it much, because as a lover of words, I pick my music based on the lyrics. This does not mean they have to be good lyrics, because I like quite a lot of incredibly cheesy and ridiculous pop music. But I always thought most techno consisted of chopped up songs that I can’t really understand, or hardly any words at all. Obviously there are sub-genres I did not know about, and as I have been finding those bands, I have become more open to it. In fact, many of the bands, (Smile.dk is the one that comes to mind) have that right amount of cheesy lyrics that I love, mixed with a good beat.

Anyway, this got me thinking about my favorite pop music that you never hear anymore. Not from people like Britney Spears, or Justin Timberlake. I mean the bands that were only popular for a short amount of time, then disappeared after a few years. Bands like M2M, S Club 7, B*witched, etc. I LOVED all of these bands, because they were the simple catchy music songs, with really cheesy love lyrics that really spoke to my hormonal pre-teen psyche. Plus, many of them could actually sing, unlike artists of today.

A few weeks ago I found a site called grooveshark.com. I do not download music, though this is mostly from a fear of getting viruses, rather than me thinking it is wrong. The war on music downloading is a whole other debate for another time. Anyway, sometimes I just want to listen to a cd, not necessarily buy it, and it’s hard to find places online to do that. Grooveshark lets you though. I have been able to find every cd I have wanted for so far, and been able to listen to it in its entirety, for free, with no ads or signing up. I am not sure how it works, but there is no downloading or anything, so I assume it is legal.

Anyway, I have spent the morning thus far, listening to all of the old bands I used to play over and over when I was young. It’s really funny to realize I remember every single lyric, and think about how much time I spent just listening to these songs. Songs that talked about things I had not even experienced yet, like love and heartbreak, regret and loss. It is hard, and kind of sad, to remember a time in my life where I was innocent. A time in my life where there were still some things I was protected from.

Anyway, just wanted to share that site. It is definitely a memory lane day.

<3Shii

Anniversary Rings can be a very creative way for spouses to express their love for each other in giving gifts each year to celebrate their marriage. If this is a series of tapes that you buy two, or if you buy a ring for a loved one, these rings can make memories to last forever.

So you gave your wife a ring that was inserted as a wedding ring on his finger, several years ago? Why not show how you really feel, and buyDiamond Ring anniversary. Most women are more than happy to have a new ring to adorn your fingers!

There are many varieties and options in the selection of anniversary rings. Diamond Rings are most popular, but are not limited to a single diamond. The most common type for this occasion is the 3 stone ring that symbolizes your past, present and future together.

Diamond wedding bands are smaller diamonds that run all the band, which is the symbol of eternityyour marriage. And are not limited to diamond rings or bands for wedding anniversary gifts.

Or why not design your own ring? You can use any number of diamonds or other precious stones, and may be based on the number of years they were married, the number of children and / or grandchildren you have, or something that you recalls a special memory for you both. Within these bands can also be engraved with any message is particularlysignificant.

No matter what gem you choose, whether rings or gangs or something else, customizing your loved one, it will be particularly important. Select a verse or a favorite poem or saying. Be creative!

If you celebrate sixty years together, or only ten years or any number in between, you can make a diamond wedding, giving a diamond anniversary ring. Expect to see the sparkle in your eyes and you'll know you've done a greatchoice!

Busy day, and I’ve only just now, at 19:14, grabbed a few minutes to sit at the computer.

In Sainsbury’s, I asked:  “Do you think I’m due a small chocolate bar?  It’s been about four weeks since I last indulged…”

“Oh, go on, then.  Just for a special treat.”

Chocolate isn’t just Cadbury’s these days.  The products of world class chocolatiers are displayed on the shelves to tempt the weak willed.  So I picked up an old favourite, to remind me of a small, dark, and rather smelly little chocolate shop round the back of Les Halles in the days when all you could really smell in those little alleyways was the aroma of good onion soup and Gaulloises.

“What did you get?” Graham asked.  “You gotta be kidding.  After all these years you’ve gone curry mad!”

“Nonsense.  All the best chocolate has a little chilli in it.  This just brings the flavour a little further to the front of the stage.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

So I held on to my small 100g bar of good Swiss chilli chocolate, and intend to hog it this evening after dinner.  I shall offer him a piece of  course.

He’s right about the curry madness, though.  I picked up four rather lush vegetable samosas from the Indian counter for my lunch, and enjoyed them with a big dollop of spicy tomato chutney.  And he has the makings of a rather find beef Madras curry for another day during the week.  Thursday, probably.

Tonight is rather less oriental.  Boef bourginon.  Done the French way.

Better than your average chocolate

Sore muscles today also, still i forced my self to IKSU. But looking at it it is a pain that is good you feel you have done something, and that its paying off.

The blue from yesterday has almost entirely been replaced with some more colorful colors. I have no excuse or reason why the day felt like it did, it was a beautiful day. I felt good, and i where looking smashing in my new jacket i can tell you . Still i felt so. Maybe we once in a while need to go through all these wonderings, and question ourselves.

Nice that its not always requires big things to smile again, sometimes it just requires to share it to be able to let go of these thoughts.

Remember all the fun and it can light up a bad day.

Sending kisses to a dear one.

It may seem a bit early to many but for me it is typical. It is the week of Thanksgiving – and while I am thinking of all the blessings in my life in anticipation of Thursday, I am also thinking about Christmas. Like most Christians, I realize I am blessed most because of God’s gift of His Son – the Babe who was born Christmas morn!

So now you ask what this possibly has to do with Monday Madness or La Befana. Well, to be honest, I am feeling a lot like La Befana this year, more than ever as a matter of fact! La Befana is the Italian version of Santa Claus – although children also know Babo Natale. The Italian children all anxiously await the visit of La Befana. La Befana was an older woman who spent her life cleaning and cooking with her broom not far away from her grasp. Finally came the evening that 3 Wise Men stopped at her door. Greeting them with her broom in hand, she refused to go with them on their search for the Babe. After all she had cleaning and sweeping to do! Suddenly a few moments after they left, she realized what she had been asked. They were searching for the Baby Jesus! How could sweeping possibly be more important than that?! She ran after them, fast as she was able. Suddenly her broom took her aloft and she flew over rooftops searching to no avail. So now year after year she flies out again in search leaving small gifts in children’s stockings in hopes she finds the Babe!

Monday Madness? Yes indeed. See, it is holiday time and I am in full meltdown mode already. I am the world’s best list maker. I think I’ve mentioned before how writing lists helps me to calm through organization. Seeing it in writing means I can manage in smaller bites, crossing off as I go along. So here I am. List Time. The Thanksgiving menu has been rewritten at least three times and I have no idea why. It never varies from year to year. I suspect that is the problem. I really REALLY want to add something new. This year we decided to eliminate one item. I KNOW that will be a mistake that we will hear about for years to come – 2009 was the Thanksgiving WITHOUT lasagna. There ARE two turkeys and a ham though! Course there’s also half the friend’s list to feed! Why should I feel so frazzled, already worrying about decorating for Christmas? It is family tradition here in the Di Crocco household: the Saturday after Thanksgiving is DECORATE DAY! Out come boxes and boxes of decorations. Everything is unwrapped from the tissue paper and Bubblewrap™, lovingly placed out to think about Christmases past and people associated with each decoration. So many were from my grandmother and mother or from special friends. Every year meant a new ornament for each child, dated and signed with their name.

But back to Monday Madness. This year I am thinking more in terms of how blessed we are as a family. We have had our share of tragedies and sorrows along with the joy. We have family members out of work and struggling. Bills go up while paychecks remain static. Yet, I do have a job. It is one that gives me pride. It’s not one that pays enough to cover what I want covered but I am so much more blessed than others. In the midst of all the holiday frenzy and complaining about how much I have to do without enough time or money, I suddenly am forced to stop. Have I become lost like La Befana? Has sweeping the cobwebs become more important than remembering what the upcoming season is really about and what is really important? This year I want Monday Madness to settle to Calm, Peace, and Tranquility. Not just for me but for everyone. If I must rush from place to place, task to task. Let it be to share the Gift I have been blessed with. Not just to witness of my personal spiritual walk by testifying verbally. Rather, let me share my faith and my values by my deeds, my actions, my sense of peace, by love. Let me show love instead of, in spite of, and in the very face of hatred. Let me now unlike La Befana be willing and able to drop my broom.

It’s been a while since I actually wrote something here (something more substantial than pics and videos). So here’s the start of something I’ve been meaning to get down on “paper” for some time now. The complete, unabridged account of my conversion from a Yankee fan to a Red Sox fan. It’ll be long, so I’ll break it up into parts – probably three, maybe four. They’ll be spread out over the next several weeks or so. Good times.

- – - – - – - – - – - – - -

The prelude to this tale is an ironic one. As mentioned earlier, the first baseball game I remember seeing involved me rooting against the very Red Sox I would years later cheer for.

But really, how the story began had a lot to do with a couple big metaphysical ideals:
            (a) How one becomes a fan, and
            (b) the longing for place.

It also involves one not-so-big metaphysical ideal…namely, a 1987 Topps baseball card.

Now that a miraculous game inaugurated my passion for the sport, luck would have it that a classmate named Jimmy would happen to live two houses away from me. And while he wasn’t my best friend, his influence early on was huge. See, Jimmy was a Yankee fan. He was from Brooklyn – his whole family had the whole New York accent going (which I remember actually envying) – and he, like most Yankee fans, was passionate about his team, and to a lesser extent, baseball.

As a sixth grade kid, I was highly susceptible to the trappings of youth: the subtle pressures to fit in, be cool, and simply enjoy life. My newfound love of the game easily gave me traction in all three areas – because sixth grade boys all love baseball. And so, hanging out one day during recess, I distinctly remember baseball coming up in our chatter, and I remember I tried to act like I had a been a fan for years (like everyone else).

Jimmy must’ve seen right through my charade – I’m sure it was painfully obvious I didn’t know anything – but instead of ridicule, he took me under his wing. During class, he showed me part of his baseball card collection – and told me about who was good and who wasn’t. Back then, the 1987 baseball card of choice was Topps, with the wood grain border. The best card in the deck – according to Jimmy – was card #500: the great Don Mattingly. [There was empirical, concrete proof of this, too. Topps would give superstars numbers ending in 0 or 5. Scrubs would have card numbers like 234. So only a pantheon of the diamond would be given a number like 500!]

Here’s what I knew about Don Mattingly the moment I saw that first card of his.
1. Dude has a mustache. Funny.
2. He plays for the Yankees – who play in NY.

What I didn’t know was that Donnie Baseball had – up to that point – put together one of the greatest starts to a baseball career in history. He was undoubtedly the greatest player from 1984-1987, the ‘85 MVP (should’ve also won in ‘86), the 1984 batting champ, the greatest fielding first baseman in the league, and an RBI machine. In 1987, he would tie a major league record for most consecutive games with a home run, and most grand slams in a season. These are all facts I would learn from two sources during this pre-internet era: my friend Jimmy, and the 1988 Topps highlight cards.

I soon discovered that my mom had randomly purchased a pack of baseball cards for me back in 1983, and proceeded in trading most of the good cards in my rubberbanded pile to others – my first experience getting fleeced. However, one of the cards I acquired early on was none other than that 1987 Topps Don Mattingly. Even today, when I look at it, I am taken back to my days of youth and I smile.

But enough – for now – about Mattingly. What really drew me in was that #2 reason from above – that his team played in NY.

As a kid growing up in Arizona back in the 80s, you didn’t have a hometown team to root for. [I would be a senior in college before Arizona got it's own MLB team - one which would factor in my conversion...but I'm getting ahead of myself.] Instead, you cheered for whomever you cheered for.

How do people become fans of a team if you don’t have a hometown team? Well, I figured that it should have something to do with your roots. I mean, my best friend was a Royals fan because he grew up in Kansas before moving to Arizona for the fifth grade. And like I said, Jimmy was a recent transplant from NYC, so he was a Yankee fan. My roots had been planted in Scottsdale since the first grade – it was really all I remembered or knew. However, I was born in New York City. But that great city fielded two teams, and I was met with my first dilemma as a baseball fan. Who do I root for?

On the one hand, there was the team I’d supported for two glorious games in October of ‘86. The one who got me started on this journey. On the other hand, there was Donnie Baseball, that consummate ballplayer in that classic pinstriped uniform. Moreover, I wasn’t a fan of the orange and blue colors of the Mets (not understanding the reasoning behind those colors), and much preferred the simple, understated historical look of the interlocking N and Y. But should fashion and colors be the deciding factor? Of course not! I needed a tie-breaker.

In what I considered to be a Solomonic streak of brilliance and fairness, I decided that geography would be the final arbiter. I took out a map of New York City, noted where exactly I was born (a hospital on 5th Ave in Manhattan), then measured which stadium – Shea or Yankee – was closer to my birthplace. The Bronx was a tick closer than Queens to the spot, and thus it was decided.

Soon after that determination, I posed for a picture with Jimmy on our street. I wore a Yankee hat and blue T-shirt (along with some huge plastic framed glasses), and he wore his gray Yankees shirt. He also held a Mets hat in his hand, and both of us were giving it the thumbs down sign. Yup, I was a new Yankee fan and already I was a boorish one.

But on a larger level, even though I had no recollection of New York City, there was a draw to the East Coast that also perhaps factored in my decision-making. Even at that early age, I just knew that back East was where I wanted to go. And what better place than the place I was born – that city that never sleeps?

A couple years later, on a first-time-back-to-NYC family vacation, I learned that where my parents lived was basically a Darryl Strawberry home run’s distance away from Shea. Well, that put a bit of a damper on my so-called Solomonic decision from years ago, but by then, I was a Yankee fan through and through.

Coming Soon: Part II: The Yankee Years – Woebegotten Wishes

I miss you sitting on top of tall ladders talking outside my bedroom window.

I’m still right across from you. I’m still right outside your bedroom window, you just need to turn and look at me.

I’ve seen a lot of theatre in the past few weeks since I’ve posted. The most stirring of them all was “Crave” by Sarah Kane.

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the program I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your ass your…
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbor comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want want you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont’ want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

Things have been so insanely busy…between Master Electrician for Streetcar Named Desire, which was epic and wonderful, and then moving directly into work for the Department show of Rent, I’ve barely had time to lift my head above water let alone eat, sleep, or do non-theatre work.

Streetcar: Team Lights

Things have gotten better, but this week has still contained two nights without sleep (Wednesday night /Thursday morning and Saturday night/Sunday morning).

I spent a long while at the cast party for Streetcar talking outside with the lighting designer, cursing about gender and the Vassar experiment and how it has spilled over into my world at Smith.

And I cannot decide what I want and I now have no idea who I am. I have to face returning to Smith, returning to an all-women’s college when inevitably, people have begun to ask C. what pronouns I want to go by. How can I explain this? Do I need to operate through life with a disclaimer on my chest?

Am I constantly doomed to be read as a gay man (for when I am read as male, that’s how I am read) ?

Can “Jacks” and “Alana” exist as one person when I feel constantly displaced as both? I don’t really care about acceptance from the real world, though the reactions of my parents terrify me, but why can’t I just find a place within myself where I feel comfortable residing? Why must I choose, male or female? I am neither. I disagree with the perceptions and connotations of both so why can’t E. and Smith students and Vassar students and my parents just understand that?

I feel comforted by the fact that E.V. seems to comprehend it. She has mentioned once or twice that she wants to have these “gender conversations” with me. But I feel like my life is one big conversation about it. So sometimes its nice just to be with someone who sees my maleness and femaleness as one unalterable compound thing. Finally I feel viewed as an individual, a person. Perhaps I feel so comfortable with her because I do not feel like I have to act male or act female, do not have to hide the fact that when I get drunk or high, i become girly, do not have to be macho or feminine to please the viewer or the viewer’s perception of me.

Back to real life, my favorite of the all-nighters I pulled was Saturday. It started with going to see The Full Monthy, then pizza at Bacio’s at midnight, then writing a paper on The Handmaid’s Tale until 5 AM, moments of other what other’s would see as violent but to me was intimate and unifying, then prep cooking for Sunday night and watching the sun rise over Sunset Lake. And then, finally, sleep.

Last night was Ferry House Thanksgiving. Delicious vegan/vegetarian food: vegan mashed potatoes, salad with tahini dressing, mushroom and cabbage pieroges, whole wheat pesto pasta, squash lasagna, sweet squash and beans, corn muffins, apple crisp, bread pudding, molasses pie, wine and beer. Yet before anyone even got there, with the craziness in the kitchen and mass cleaning and then beers while waiting for everyone to arrive…it felt like family, like real family. Finally now, I know where I belong. It’s many hundred miles but it won’t be long.

I’ve had so many adventures here. And even with a little less than a month left, even though that is so much time, I have begun to reflect, perhaps to prepare myself for the inevitable return.

A lot of people have been asking me lately if I’m staying for a semester or a year. The last time it came up, the answer managed to silence the whole room. Before that, the stage manager of Streetcar spent twenty drunken minutes trying to convince me to transfer.

But who will remember me when I’m gone from this place? Will they look back and think: “Oh remember Jacks? He was awesome.” Will freshman ask, “Who was Jacks?” “Oh just this guy. He was only here for one semester…”

I don’t really care either way. My friends, the people who matter here, will miss me. I think. These silly things I like to dwell on.

Memories of friends, memories of any night, of nights I like best: The room is full of smoke and dialogue I know by heart. It’s well after midnight, and I’m sitting on the couch with my good friends, relaxin’ and passin’. Someone is playing a game on the TV and there is ska music coming from the walls. The world has stopped, and we have too; stopped caring, stopped crying and stopped regretting. We are all friends, no matter the difference.

ML and JK forever

Cute drunkies.

All you need is love

There's a girl, named Jackson

Talking about love, dancing about architecture...but I'm sure Vassar has an architecture/dance class

Good friends + cheap wine = memorable wonderful times

For those of you who know what this is… enjoy.

If you don’t know, this is a house in Kentucky my family used to live in. It has since run down and no longer looks like this.

It’s me in the picture. Mmmm.. the stupid things we used to do: smoking on the roof, vandalizing the abandoned house behind us, breaking into the school up the road, spying on the Christmas presents through the vent upstairs, etc. I’m sure my brother and sisters can think of more.

Movie Review time!!!

If you are looking for a pick-me-up movie to watch on Friday night I suggest not renting “Up”. The movie Up is one of the latest films from the folks at Pixar.  The movie starts off soft and melancholy as we see a nerdy young boy who dreams of adventure sitting in a theater.  Then he hooks up and gets married and that is where the happiness ends.  It starts with a miscarriage of a baby, death of his wife, developers trying to take his home, and getting sent to an old folks home. Then sprinkle in an orphan wood scout, rebuked bitter explorer, talking dogs and an almost extinct species of bird and the recipe of sadness is complete.

I may never recover from this movie!

I watched new moon yesterday with my boyfriend at the megamall. we enter the movie house at 11:15am and the movie house was already full (Talking about blockbuster @_@). The movie didn’t meet my expectation but it was decent one in my opinion, I’ve heard a lot of comment from my friends such as the movie being cheesy and common. Well I didn’t find it cheesy to be honest, the story pretty common love story though. For someone like me who didn’t read the book (too lazy to read =D) it is an ok movie for me, 6/10 in my scale. I can still remember a friend of mine txting me asking if it is really possible to love 2 person at the same time, because Bella (the heroine) love Edward and Jacob at the same time. And I answered him yes you can but you don’t love them equally, you loved one of them more than the other. I’m 100% sure about that! ^_^

Anyway after the movie and lunch we decided to go home and just spend the rest of the day at our house. He login his facebook and then I asked him to answer some question in a certain application on much does he knows about me, I dunno it just came in my mind to make him take the test. He’s only got 55% in score and post it in the wall while I was looking away from the monitor. When I login my account I was surprised to see the post he put on the wall together with the test result “To be with her forever =D” it was a simple phrase but it means a lot to me, I just found myself smiling till I fall asleep. It’s been a while I been this happy and smile from the bottom of my heart and it feels nice. =)

So today marks the last day of the A levels for me, which also means the second last official day of my life as a jc kid (Prom’s the last!).  Thank God its finally over. 2 fucking years of agony, struggling to stay awake during lectures, rushing tutorials to meet deadlines, burning midnight oil, wasting printer ink + paper, trudging to school every morning, wasting time trying to decide what to eat for lunch, etc ALL FOR THIS DAMN EXAMS … AND IT IS FINALLY OVER BABY.

Over this short span of 2 years, I made so many friends, became closer to some, while drifted away from others. But these 2 years made me realize who the true friends really are, and I’m really grateful for them (;  I’ll definitely miss the class, for sure and all the teachers. My dearest 2A07, thank you for making this year sucha memorable one. Despite all the criticisms we’ve faced and the pressure placed on our class, we managed to pull through together and conquered the big A’s! Thank you for never failing to make my day, and making the classroom atmosphere more lively (;  Thank you all schoolmates, classmates and teachers for making this 2 years in jc worthwhile (;

Had a mini feast with Huiming love today. Gosh, it was awesome indulging in my favourite food! Xiaolongbaozz, yoghurt, thai food, yummmmy!Ahh, prom dress shopping was a disappointment!! Oh welllzzz. Anyway the whole week’s  filled with activities already! Yayyyy (;

Now its time to catch up with old friends, and bond with the new ones (; Plus its time to look for a job to finance all my expenses!

Long day tomorrow, soo I’m outta here!

That time of year is creeping up, too quickly for many I’m sure, lol.

I started thinking of the things we used to do as kids, leading up to and for Christmas.  Some, we didn’t even realize till our later years that they were ‘traditions’.  Our traditions.

Do you remember some of your traditions?  What are they?

Have you continued them with your family?

Have you created new ones?

Have you lost your traditions?  If so, why do you think that is?

Some traditions bring back many great memories for people.  What are some of your favourite memories?  I’d love to hear about them!

Leave a comment and share them!

Why am I always so stupid? Why must I always make myself look like a fool?

I’m getting tired. I told myself not to be a fool again but I failed. If I’m just nothing to you, may our memories be washed away.

After my examinations, I decided to go missing in action! I will go quietly, nobody will notice. No one gives a damn.

I wonder who will actually read all the entries in this blog. Now that’s interesting.

It’s seems like a million days since farewell. A million days since moments together stopped to be. A million days since our destinies diverged. I stand back and watch our time together pass soundlessly into the past. Into that place where facts are colored by my fears and fantasies, reality shaped by my love and hate, and time, measured by my passion or indifference.

A million memories, moments of the past, seem to gather dust in the attic inside my head. Away from the din of the dreary everyday life, away from prying eyes, away from the tribulations of my day-to-day existence, life lies fragmented and frozen in silent testimony to my time here.

Every gasp, every sigh, every voiceless prayer and unshed tear of my life lives here for eternity. In the solitude of my soul, I climb the three scores and a year old rickety staircase to my attic often now. The tired wood rattles and creeks under my feet as in protest to my frequent visits.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, sometimes in broad daylight, sometimes with the leisurely coutenance of a seasoned tourist, sometimes with the fervent passion of a faithful pilgrim, sometimes for seconds, sometimes for hours, I visit you often in my attic.

I see the vibrant smile, I see the twinkle in your eye, I see the beautiful feet. I see a tear drop braving gravity’s pull. I hear the laughter – unrestrained and full. I see the arms that once held me. Among the unfilled promises of the days gone by I see the moments that made surrender possible.

Amidst the unborn children of my dreams I see everything that gave birth to moments so beautiful. Long after I have bid you my final goodbye, the attic will still be alive with their suppressed giggles and suggestive smiles. In the silence of the night, if you listen closely, I am sure you will hear them laughing.

i love my friends!
great weekend.