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Baby, I love you. But if you do that one more goddamn time, I'm going to scratch you with my toenails.

The other day, The Lawyer and I were watching Jersey Girl. (What? Jersey Girl was a GOOD MOVIE. Why did everyone hate on that movie so hard? On that note, why does everyone hate on Ben Affleck so hard… more →

Baby, I love you. But if you do that one more goddamn time, I'm going to scratch you with my toenails. — 11 comments

longredcape wrote 3 months ago: The other day, The Lawyer and I were watching Jersey Girl. (What? Jersey Girl was a GOOD MOVIE. Why … more →

Tags: this is what happens when you're crazy, I hope you have the attention span to get through this, Pls to take pity? Kthx., google that shit, color me confused, The Lawyer, having a penis will do that to you I guess

I'll write a more clever title once someone brings me a Diet Coke — 8 comments

longredcape wrote 6 months ago: I got a text from Murray yesterday regarding our home loan. The loan for the house I currently inhab … more →

Tags: Murray, why can't I be independently wealthy?, The past..., Serious stuff, I hope you have the attention span to get through this, selling the house, Emotions, The Lawyer, sometimes guys are creepy

Look, I know I'm awesome. But please, leave me the eff alone. — 13 comments

longredcape wrote 7 months ago: I debated even writing a post on this because, for one thing, it would be short, and I’m not e … more →

Tags: Adam, Single life, WTF, I can be inappropriate at times. OK--often., I blame texting, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, why am I only attractive to drunks?, when gchat causes me to have a revelation, you don't want to be 'that guy'

I love it when you call me Big Papa. Except, not. — 17 comments

longredcape wrote 7 months ago: I mentioned I had some vom-worthy Murray news, so here it is. For those of you who are new readers, … more →

Tags: Murray, The past..., Serious stuff, selling the house, Emotions, I can be mean TOO, vom

The Four Horsemen of the Dating Apocalypse — 10 comments

longredcape wrote 7 months ago: I’ve had so many dating fiascos, it should be illegal. With numerous relationships gone awry, … more →

Tags: Bubba Sparxxx was right—it IS gon' get ugly, crazy things need to stop happening to me, Glen, I blame texting, I hope you have the attention span to get through this, I live in a redneck town, I *love* my Friends, in which strange men approach me and I don't know what, people are dumb

TMI Thursday: The Boil — 14 comments

longredcape wrote 7 months ago: I have decided to participate in my very first TMI Thursday post! This is a re-post from my old blog … more →

Tags: WTF, I can be inappropriate at times. OK--often., blog love is the shiz, you don't want to be 'that guy', TMI Thursday, I took a shower immediately after writing this post

Things I did this weekend — 10 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: Found out that NY wants to be friends. Cried a lot. Became semi-okay with that after I stopped cryin … more →

Tags: BrownEyes, did we break enough this time?, Emotions, New York, Single life, the depression

The letter — 8 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: Well, something good did come out of being pursued by BrownEyes’s friend. After he texted me l … more →

Tags: aren't you glad you're not me right now?, BrownEyes, did we break enough this time?, Emotions, I am a fucking genius, I blame texting, I hope you have the attention span to get through this, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, in which I ask for your assistance

Trying isn't always enough — 9 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: Allright people, let’s get this over with. So remember how BrownEyes wanted to get back togeth … more →

Tags: a cycle of suck, aren't you glad you're not me right now?, BrownEyes, Bubba Sparxxx was right—it IS gon' get ugly, color me confused, could something else PLEASE go wrong?, did we break enough this time?, Emotions, god hates me

ARGH — 10 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: Folks, I honestly don’t think I like the way my blog is becoming only about my love life latel … more →

Tags: Single life, WTF, BrownEyes, I blame texting, I live in a redneck town, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, Emotions, did we break enough this time?, crazy things need to stop happening to me

Outta my way, I've got a life to live — 11 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: This New York shit has me so irritated I’m ready to throw in the towel. Let me draw up a littl … more →

Tags: a cycle of suck, did we break enough this time?, Fail, getting the hell out of dodge, I blame texting, I can be mean TOO, I *love* my Friends, New York, pass the Ritalin - I may have Adult ADD

Meh. — 7 comments

longredcape wrote 8 months ago: That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. About blogging. About dating. About life. I feel li … more →

Tags: WTF, people are dumb, I live in a redneck town, why am I only attractive to drunks?, Fail, I am a complete and utter moron, you don't want to be 'that guy', crazy things need to stop happening to me, New York

I just don't have words. (OK, I actually have 981 words, but who's counting?) — 17 comments

longredcape wrote 9 months ago: Things just go from bad to worse, don’t they? Sigh. I kinda went on a roller coaster of emotio … more →

Tags: Single life, god hates me, WTF, BrownEyes, I blame texting, I live in a redneck town, Andy, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, I hope you have the attention span to get through this

The cupcakes probably would have been too dry anyway — 15 comments

longredcape wrote 9 months ago: I’m trying to stay positive through all this crap I’m going through right now. Really, I … more →

Tags: Murray, Single life, god hates me, I blame texting, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, the depression, Fail, Emotions, did we break enough this time?

Good Lord, make it stop — 16 comments

longredcape wrote 9 months ago: Well, it’s “Facebook Official.” Murray is now in a relationship. Murray, the guy I … more →

Tags: Claire, Single life, god hates me, The past..., WTF, sex, BrownEyes, Facebook stalking -- almost never a good idea, Serious stuff

Stupefied — 15 comments

longredcape wrote 11 months ago: I don’t get it, peeps. (I have this awful habit of adopting a word or phrase and abusing it te … more →

Tags: Murray, alcoholism: I has it., god hates me, WTF, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, Fail, Emotions, Pls to take pity? Kthx., New York

Clarification — 9 comments

longredcape wrote 1 year ago: I got a couple comments on yesterday’s post that basically said I was expecting too much from … more →

Tags: Single life, BrownEyes, SoccerBoy, crazy things need to stop happening to me

Just call me a fun-sucker, I guess. — 15 comments

longredcape wrote 1 year ago: You’ve probably noticed I’ve tried to refrain from bitching about BE. Reasons being, I … more →

Tags: Single life, my womanly time makes me extremly horny, BrownEyes, Andy, in which I ask for your assistance, I'm single because I'm crazy, Emotions, when gchat causes me to have a revelation

Cinco Meses — 10 comments

longredcape wrote 1 year ago: 13,219,200 seconds. 220,320 minutes. 3672 hours. 153 days. 21 weeks. Five months. It’s been fi … more →

Tags: Murray, Adam, Single life, The past..., BrownEyes, Serious stuff, I live in a redneck town, I'm gonna need a strong drink after this one, I hope you have the attention span to get through this


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