Loads of work to do so this will have to be quick.  Sadly, I will have to save my highly anticipated essay “Ripley’s Believe it or Not: A critical account of the life and work of Sigourney Weaver” for another day…

Instead, I want to muse briefly on a somewhat upsetting tendency, or trend, that I notice both in myself and in a considerable number of my fellow humans.  It seems to centre on the word “should” and involves people imposing often unrealistic expectations upon their day to day conduct; sets of (usually, but not always) unwritten rules or guidelines that appear to govern one’s own behaviour.  I say “appear” because I suspect that in the majority of cases, the rule is actually conceived and applied in the wake of one’s apparent failure to live up to it.  As both a practising Buddhist and a full-time student, I am certainly not opposed to either ambition or self-discipline (although I admit that I have been quite vehemently opposed to both of these things in the past – something that I know consider to be a damaging view in itself and perhaps the opposite extreme to what I am discussing here).  Rather, I am simply opposed to acts of unkindness.  I believe (in my more lucid moments) that the majority of humans are what could be called “good” people, in the sense that, if nothing else, they don’t willingly harm others, but the problem is that, in the West at least, we don’t seem to be able to apply the same, blindingly straightforward principle to our treatment of ourselves.

Admittedly, my experience of this behaviour is largely within the context of the spiritual life and more specifically the Buddhist Community.  As Buddhists, we are taught the imoprtance of establishing a daily meditation practice, of renouncing those things that fuel our worldly craving and of studying the wealth of teachings and examples that have come to us, both from our contemporaries and from many generations of practioners before us.  But when we “fail” in maintaining any of these practices, we seem to instantly forget that we are also taught – and consistently reminded – of the importance of kindness and compassion for all beings.  For some reason one does not include oneself in this category!  Having flagellated myself in this way so many times, I am glad to have come to see a little more clearly what the Buddha was talking about when he described a middle way between self-indulgence and self-mortification.  Spiritual wealth is not subject to the same laws as its material counterpart (if indeed one can even condescend to compare the two!), to wit: material wealth is both finite and relative, whereas if one becomes spiritually “richer”, all other beings benefit aswell – all beings become richer to some degree.  What this means is that the pleasure one experiences through genuine spiritual practice does not need to be considered indulgent and that equally, any unkindness towards oneself in the name of spiritual practice essentially benefits no-one!

I think that this sort of thing is to be expected in the spiritual life, but the strange thing is that it seems to be in no way confined to that sphere.  I see people from all walks of life oppressing themselves in this way.  Whether its to do with diet, leisure activities, exercise, work avoidance – I’m sure there are more examples but I’m eager to (I nearly said “I should” – had to think for a second about what I actually want to do – practice what I preach and all!) get back to Mr Shakespeare!

The idea of being oppressed by the things that you enjoy is absurd.

Incidentally, I felt a little guilty about skipping my blog yesterday!  I drank beer and watched Legally Blonde on the iPlayer instead.  I really should be doing it every day – it says so at the top of the page.

This is another in the series of “dharma songs” I’ve been posting from time to time. These are songs that have comforted, inspired, helped, and healed me over the years. I invite you to look up the song and have a listen (the lyrics tell only part the story; the beautiful music and voice complete it.)

May these songs heal and inspire you as they have healed and inspired me. Steve

A special word about Carrie Newcomer:

By now, anyone following this blog know that I’m a huge fan of Carrie Newcomer. Of all the singer/songwriters I listen to, I think Carrie is the one who touches the deepest places in my heart. Her songs have a spirituality that only a genuine humanity can reveal. Her songs are never preachy, and yet they always seem to point to some deeper truth.

If you don’t know her work, I urge you to give her a listen. She’s a great musician, her voice is gorgeous, and the songs contain a gold that comes only from one who has been through furnace fires.

This particular song, “Bare to the Bone” seems like a perfect postscript to last weeks posts, which were all about dropping and doing away with everything that gets in the way of actual presence and practice. So, “Namaste, Carrie, and to all those who visited last week, and in the future.

Bare to the Bone

by Carrie Newcomer

Here I am without a message
Here I stand with empty hands
Just a spirit tired of wandering
Like a stranger in this land

Walking wide eyed through this world
Is the only way I’ve known
Wrapped in hope and good intentions
Bare to the bone

There is nothing I won’t show you
Nothing I can hide
Risked it all and dreamt it all
And seldom questioned why

You took me in when I was hungry
When my spirit ached and groaned
Laid wide open and defenseless
And bear to the bone

So, when I rise, I rise in glory
If I do, I do by grace
Time will wash away these footprints
And we’ll leave without a trace

Between here and now and forever
Is such precious little time?
What we do in love and kindness
Is all that we leave behind

When my lights are slowly fading
And my eyes is softly waning
And the evening sun is setting
And the world is barely breathing

Then your voice will call me
And your hands can lead me home
Like a newborn awed and naked
And bare to the bone

So, when I rise, I rise in glory
If I do, I do by grace
Time will wash away these footprints
And we’ll leave without a trace

Between here and now and forever
Is such precious little time
What we do in love and kindness
Is all we ever leave behind

Here I am without a message
Here I stand with empty hands
Just a spirit tired of wandering
Like a stranger in this land

Walking wide eyed through this world
Is the only way I’ve known
Wrapped in hope and good intentions
Bare to the bone

Wrapped in hope and good intentions
Bare to the bone

Here’s a link to the song on iTunes so you can have a sample listen.  You really have to hear her voice and the music to get the full impact of this amazing song:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/bare-to-the-bone/id2563886?i=2563870

♥♥♥

Okay.  I’ve been thinking about writing about this for over a week.  I kept wondering why I was resisting.  Was it that I was ashamed to tell you how very human I am?  How much little things can bug me?  Or was it that I didn’t want to deal with what was in front of me?

Probably a little of all of it.

Here’s the situation.  I live in Boston in the city part, not the suburb part, which means that the streets are small, narrow.  We’re lucky that we have some off street parking, as do most of our neighbors.

AARGHH!  I can feel my annoyance even writing about this.  It’s crazy.  Such a little thing that had gotten under my skin.  One of my neighbors consistently parks in front of our house, never in front of hers.  (I know, I know — it’s a really small thing….) but somehow over all these months it has become a territorial thing. 

I feel like my boundary is pushed. Like some spatial separation that is supposed to be there keeps getting violated.   I could go into all kinds of stories and rationalizations I have about it — but I’m not.  I want to transform this situation so it’s irrelevant to me.

The other day I left the house — and yes, her car was there.  She lives across the street but she’s in front of our house, even with her driveway empty.  (I can feel the story taking even more hold in front of me as I write the words.  I keep reinforcing the “charge”, the “energy” around it. 

Anyway, I was leaving the house to have lunch with my colleague and friend, Mike Ward, who is a wonderful therapist if any of you ever need one in Brookline, MA.  We had a wonderful conversation spanning spirituality, psychotherapy models, our personal lives and development.  During the conversation he talked about some annoyance he was in and how he was saying metta  for this person. 

Ah, duh.  Of course, that’s what I should be doing.  Saying metta for this person who “intrudes on my space.”  I resolved to do so.

That was last week.   I did do metta  a couple times but keep falling off the bandwagon. 

Once the pattern gets established, in this case, I now have months of feeling irritated with her — once that gets established it’s a hard habit to break.  I have been watching how immediate the pull is to swim in the ocean of irritation rather than the ocean of love.

Reordering the flow of my energy takes conscious determination.  I have to set the intention to flow love and kindness to her in a global way – and in each of those moments when I walk out the door, or drive home and see her “where she’s not supposed to be….”  You know what I mean. 

This is my practice at the moment.  Day in and day out, metta to her.  Metta to her individually, and metta to all the ways I can get irritated. 

It’s a humble practice, of returning to being present, here, now, connected to my heart.

Metta in Pali means loving kindness. It’s unconditional love. It’s part of the Buddhist practice to develop metta in our heart — not only metta to all other beings, but also to ourself. Everything start from within, then it spreads out. The following guide I took from a passage in a book titled “Seeing the way”, Buddhist reflections on the spritual life. The meditation was guided by Ven. Anando. It’s suggested that the meditation is done in group and it’s read by someone who’s leading the meditation. I like to share it with you, who knows it’s of benefit for you

This will be a meditation on loving-kindness. It will incorporate a simple visualisation using a faculty of mind that we use quite routinely. For instantce, if I suggest bringing to mind the image of a flower, we can do that. It doesn’t matter if it’s a rose or a lily, or what colour it is, or even how clear that mental image is – something fleeting is adequate.

Now sitting upright, notice if there’s any tension in the face. Relaxing around the eyes, around the jaw and mouth. Let the attention come down to the heart area – an area in the middle of the chest, around the sternum, the breastbone. We breathe in, experiecing the breath energy. It’s almost as if it’s possible to breathe in and out from that area in the middle of the chest. Now as we breathe in, saying to ourselves: MAY I BE WELL – wishing oursevels well, let there be a sense of well-being, a subtle gesture of mercy directed towards ourselves. Let the past be; letting it go; and for this moment in time, just keep letting the mind come to the breath, and the heart, and the thought, in an harmonious whole. Breathing in: MAY I BE WELL… and then breathing out, directing that some merciful energy outwards, saying: MAY OTHERS BE WELL.

Continue letting a simple rhythm develop – breathe in: MAY I BE WELL, breathe out: MAY OTHERS BE WELL..

If the mind has wandered off, gently, with great patience, bring the attention back. It’s a soft movement, coming back to the heart, to the breath, to the thought – breathing in: MAY I BE WELL, breathing out through the heart: MAY OTHERS BE WELL…

What we are doing is beginning to attune ourselves to that which is loving and compassionate in the universe. Opening up to that caring energy and allowing it to energise us, nourish us, using the breath and the thought as a channel, as a vehicle for that energy. Breathing in: MAY I BE WELL. And then channel that energy out to others: MAY OTHERS BE WELL…

Keeping the breath soft and steady, letting the breath energy nourish us; breathing in to the heart, breathing out through heart….

Opening up to that which is compassionate in the universe. Breathing in, letting the heart become more sensitive and receptive to that energy. Breathing out, the heart becoming more open and expansive, giving out: MAY OTHERS BE WELL….

And when we’re ready… take a slow, deep breath into the heart, letting the thought and breath energy fill us. Holding it for a while — keeping it comfortable. “Allowing the thought to deepen that sense of well-being. Letting it saturate us, permeate the body. Breathing out, slowly, quietly, back out through the heart: MAY OTHERS BE WELL. Doing that a few times – deep breath in, hold it, and out….

Now we begin to use the visualisation, working more with the out-breath.  On the in-breath continue as before, breathing into the heart with the thought: MAY I BE WELL. And on the out-breath, we first bring to midn the image of our parents – it doesn’t matter where they are, near or far, alive or dead. Bringing them up one at a time, or together – whichever is easier. Seeing them a few feet in front of us, and each time we breathe out bringing up that image and directing our thought of kindness and acceptance towards them. So breathing in with the thought: MAY I BE WELL.. and breathing out, with the mental image of our parents. As we breathe out: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Next: bringing to mind our spiritual teachers, those who have helped us, guided us, encouraged us, instructed us throughout our life. With the out-breath, a gesture of gratitude, using the thought: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Bringing to mind now our family; partner, children, brothers and sisters – one at a time, or in a group. With the out-breath, a gesture of affection: MAY THEY BE WELL. Breathing into the heart: MAY I BE WELL, breathing out through the heart: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Now bringing to mind a special friend or friends – those whom we feel would benefit from thoughts of kindness. With the out-breath, bringing them into the mind and wishing them well; a subtle embrace, a gesture of caring….

Breathing into the heart: MAY I BE WELL. Breathing out through the heart: MAY THEY BE WELL…

Bringing to now those whom we practise with, those in our immediate environment; directing our thoughts out, including all of them: MAY THEY ALL BE WELL AND AT PEACE…

Now bringing to mind an image of the Earth as if seen from outer space. Towards a beautiful blue, white, green brown image, directing our thoughts: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL. Breathing out: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL…

And now bringing to mind an image of spaciousness, emptiness. Into that vastness directing our thoughts: MAY ALL BEINGS BE WELL. Letting the mind open up, open out; letting the heart open up, open out. The body drops away – no boundaries – vastness – spaciousness….

Now carefully, in a slightly more focussed way, bringing our attention back to the heart, a point in the middle of the chest, and breathing in slowly and deeply with the thought: MAY I BE WELL. Holding it for a while.. Letting that thought spread as a sense of well-being throughout the body, energising and nourishing us. With the out-breath, slowly and quietly, back out through the heart. Doing that once or twice – deep breath in, hold it, and out…

Now bringing to mind an image of someone you hurt, intentionally or not, alive or dead.. and using their name, saying:  PLEASE FORGIVE ME… Calling to mind someone you hurt.. using their name saying: PLEASE FORGIVE ME…

Paying very close attention to the heart. Keeping it open.. and now bringing to mind an image of someone who hurt you. Using their name saying: I FORGIVE YOU… Brigning to mind someone who hurt you. Using their name saying: I FORGIVE YOU…

Now using our own name, we say: I FORGIVE YOU… Using our own name, we say: I FORGIVE YOU…. and YOU ARE FORGIVEN…. YOU ARE FORGIVEN…

Being with those feelings of caring. Bringing them into the heart; holding them gently.. Now carefully coming back to the breath – the breath energy coming into the heart with the though: MAY I BE WELL. Being nourished. And back out, out through the heart for others: MAY OTHERS BE WELL.

So simple – breathing in, being energised. Breathing out, wishing others well. Breathing out for others….

Bell to end meditation.

A few years ago in a book store, a book with this title caught my eye:

Freeing the Angry Mind—How Men Can Use Mindfulness & Reason to Save Their Lives and Their Relationships by C. Peter Bankart, Ph.D.

Wow, a book addressing the specific issues of men around anger! I flipped to the front of the book and read this by a reviewer:

“Since it’s virtually the only emotion we allowed to express, men learn to use anger to express everything—sadness, confusion, despair, frustration. By explaining how men can expand their emotional repertoire, Bankart offers hope for a masculinity that can embrace the whole range of emotion—including anger, incidentally.”—Michael Kimmel, Ph.D, author of Manhood in America

As a guy, I felt the ring of truth in this comment. So often as little boys we are taught to repress most of their emotions. We aren’t supposed to cry, or show tenderness, or be a “sissy.”

When we get hurt, the unspoken code of “maleness” tells us consciously and unconsciously that anger is a male’s only “manly” reaction to the powerful emotions we feel. We aren’t supposed to cry, or reason, or “act like a girl.”

As we get older, testosterone-driven, socially indoctrinated images of masculinity only get reinforced. Masculinity is seen as a valid justification for anger. In sports, anger is good—just don’t let it get totally out of control or it might affect the game! In movies, the image of the angry male, wreaking vengeance on the both the innocent and the guilty utterly dominates action movies.

In the Foreword, David Wexler, author of When Good Men Behave Badly: Change Your Behavior, Change Your Relationship relates how once, in a lecture, he said that the one question he would ask about a person to predict future aggressiveness, would be to inquire if they could be described as having psychopathic tendencies. He had to think twice when an audience member suggested that the most discriminating variable was whether or not the person was male.

None of this is to suggest women don’t have anger issues, but Bankart’s Freeing the Angry Mind is an especially insight, sympathetic treatment of how men relate to anger. Using Buddhist insights into the mind, mindfulness practice, and cognitive-behavioral psychology, the book sets out a straightforward program of exercises and advice that any guy can put to use to change his life forever.

I know, because I’ve used the book, and it was a huge help with my anger issues. I can’t recommend the book enough, and to whet your appetite, guys (or gals who know an angry guy who might be helped by this book) here’s a brief excerpt from the Freeing the Angry Mind to give you a taste:

Freeing the Angry Mind
Rule 4: You Are Not Your Anger!

This rule might sound a little easier to follow than the first three, but it will probably be more of a challenge than you imagine. Rule 4 requires you to develop a special kind of double consciousness. You need to learn how to become an active and objective obseverer of your self. This will allow you to begin seeing yourself as other people see you. As we learned earlier in this chapter, it can be really difficult to recongize that the person we project to others is sometimes very different from the person we believe ourselves to be. Hardly anyone wants to project an image of an angry tyrant, because hardly anyone things of himself that way. But accurate self-perception is almost completely lost when we are overtaken by anger, so we end up behaving in ways that are different from our self-image, as a loving and reasonable human being.

When you are literally at your worst, when your anger is almost out of control, is that creature really you? Of course, it is you in a physical sense—it is your body, your voice, your passionate response to the situation (and your excuse system, too!) But is that the person you really are? Is the the same guy who loves his wife deeply, who would sacrifice his life for his kids without thinking about it twice, and who truly cares about the well-being of others?

Seen from a mindful perspective, anger is an active choice. It is a road that a person does not have to take. Of course, one of the problems with that choice is that, like getting on the wrong freeway, by the time you realize your error it’s difficult to change your direction. That being said, you can chose to become mindful even in the midst of your own temporary breaks with sanity. Even in the midst of the perfect storm of awful thoughts and angry impulses you do have the ability to shift the focus of your attention away from your emotions, and even away from the target of your anger. In later chapters of this book, you will learn some ways you can practice this in your daily life, but for now, just appreciate that you can get to a place where anger becomes a choice that you make, not a path that you are compelled to take.

Amazon:

Freeing the Angry Mind—How Men Can Use Mindfulness & Reason to Save Their Lives and Their Relationships

ISBN-10: 1572244380
ISBN-13: 978-1572244382

♥♥♥

If you are a follower of this blog, you know what a fan I am of singer/songwriter Carrie Newcomer:

I have featured a number of her songs in my “metta music” posts:

Metta music-This Too Will Pass

Metta music-When One Door Closes

Metta Music-Be True

As these posts say, her songs have a spirituality that only a genuine humanity can reveal. Her songs are never preachy, and yet they always seem to point to some deeper truth.

Today, at her website, Carrie shares a wonderful and powerful meditation based on the “namaste” greeting. As she says:

“This mediation grew out of contemplating the phrase ‘namaste’. The interpretations are varied but one common translation would be ‘That which is of God in me greets that which is of God in you’. I love the idea that when we meet, that our first action is not to say, where are you from, or why are yo in my way, or what do you do for a living. The first phrase is simply I see the sacred in you. I recognize it because there is that of the sacred in me as well.”

While the language of the meditation reflects Carrie’s Christian background as a Quaker, or Friend, I think any open-hearted person would find the meditation she offers helpful.

In the instructions, the focus of the meditation is expansion of the Great Light within us, which is described in terms of the Light of God. Yes, this is a Buddhist-oriented site, but look, the Great Light is simply the Great Light. Give it whatever name you want; my experiences tells me it is a reality that can be seen and felt in meditation, in metta practice, and in prayer.

In fact, I recently posted a marvelous metta meditation by Theravadan nun Ayya Khema that is very similar in feel and spirit:

Breathing in Peace-Breathing Out Love

I also think many Tibetan Buddhists would feel right at home with this kind of visualization meditation,  though perhaps the focus might be on the Light or Love of the Bodhisattvas.

In any event, this is one damn fine meditation! I immediately put it too work—and it works! So, I urge you to stop by Carrie’s website and take a look for yourself. There are just 11 simple steps, but it’s a very powerful practice.

See:

Messages from Carrie – A Meditation – Idea One (Namaste Meditation)

♥♥♥

This from MahaSangha News:

Sylvia Boorstein is one of the world’s most esteemed teachers of Buddhist wisdom and practice. In an exclusive online retreat with Spiritualityandpractice.com, she offers a summation of her years as a preeminent teacher of lovingkindness.

Lovingkindness is called metta in Pali, the original language of the Buddha. Metta is a derivative of the word for “friend.”

“Although metta has often be translated into English as ‘lovingkindness,’ ” Sylvia says, “I like thinking of it as a friendliness practice, the cultivation of a mind that is so saturated with good will that it responds uniformly to all situations with benevolence.”

This online retreat, the first ever offered by Sylvia, begins Monday, March 15. For more information or to register, visit: http://www.bit.ly/Lovingkindness

To reach the state of peace 
Those skilled in the Good 
Should be
Capable and upright, 
Straightforward and easy to speak to, 
Gentle and not proud, 
Contented and easily supported, 
Living lightly and with few duties, 
Wise and with senses calmed, 
Not arrogant and without greed for supporters, 
And they should not do the least thing that the wise would criticize. 
[They should reflect:] 
“May all be happy and secure; 
May all beings be happy at heart. 
All living beings, whether weak or strong, 
Tall, large, medium, or short, 
Tiny or big, 
Seen or unseen, 
Near or distant, 
Born or to be born, 
May they all be happy.” 
Let no one deceive another 
Or despise anyone anywhere; 
Let no one through anger or aversion 
Wish for others to suffer. 

As a mother would risk her own life 
To protect her child, her only child, 
So toward all beings should one 
Cultivate a boundless heart. 
With loving-kindness for the whole world 
Should one cultivate a boundless heart, 
Above, below, and all around 
Without obstruction, without hate and without ill-will. 
Standing or walking, sitting or lying down, 
As long as one is alert, 
May one stay with this recollection. 
This is called a sublime abiding, here and now. 
Whoever is virtuous, endowed with vision, 
Not taken by views, 
And having overcome all greed for sensual pleasure 
Will not be reborn again. 

Translated by Gil Fronsdal
http://www.audiodharma.org/documents/MettaSutta.pdf

Someone gave me a book on meditating and weight management and asked me what I thought of it as a Buddhist. The book is called Meditating to Attain a Healthy Bodyweight by Dr. Lawrence LaShan.

Although written 15 years ago, I think it’s still current in terms of how many psychotherapists are trying to find ways to “use” meditation to deal with the pscyho-physical aspects of bodyweight, diet, and eating problems.

I put “use” in quotation marks, because if you come at mediation from the standpoint of Buddhism, or many other spiritual traditions, you know that meditation isn’t something you “use.” Rather, it’s a skillful means that is an integral part of a moral and spiritual path or way of total liberation.

While borrowing directly from various meditation traditions, such as Buddhism, this books definitely approaches mediation from a secular, medical standpoint. Which is to say that the meditation taught in this book comes from the standpoint of psychotherapy, medical insight into the mind-body connection, and what the author calls “psychic healing.”

Some readers may find much Dr. LaShan’s whole approach too “new age.” Some psychologists and doctors might still raise eyebrows at the very idea of “psychic healing.” (I would refer these skeptics to the ground-breaking work and books of mind-body pioneers like Herbert Benson and Larry Dossey.) And as I mentioned, many Buddhist teachers would strongly object to using meditation piecemeal and apart from a complete system of spiritual practice.

Some of these criticisms have  validity, but I think the book is better and more useful than these objections, both in content and intent. Dr. LaShan has clearly devoted his life to alleviating the suffering of others. And he writes from his experience and practice as a psychotherapist who has investigated and actually tested and proven the power of the human mind to heal the body.

Someone already doing traditional forms of concentration, meditation, and visualization will probably find many of the techniques taught in the book familiar. What is skillful about this Meditating to Attain A Healthy Bodyweight is how some of these traditional techniques have been very specifically adapted to helping those with eating, food, and bodyweight issues.

After reading the book, my conclusion is that it has a lot to offer someone seeking a fresh approach to weight and eating problems. Anyone who has bodyweight problems, who have struggled with diets and dieting, and who finds his or her eating bound up with powerful conscious and unconscious emotions can find a lot of help in this book. Dr. LaShan’s real-life examples of patients whose lives and bodies have been transformed using these techniques are moving, instructive, and inspiring.

This book isn’t how I’d introduce someone to mediation as a practice and as an integral way of life. But I do think it might be very helpful to those not ready to take on a whole system of spiritual practice or who are wary of “Eastern mysticism.”  People need to see that Western medicine has begun to realize how powerful consciousness and emotions are in healing, as the whole new field of psychoneuroimmunology shows.

Those who already have a mediation practice might well gain new insights into how loving-kindness and mediation practice can be focused in a very skillful, practical way on very specific human problems, such as eating and gaining a sense of ease about our bodies.

Personally, I found a number of practical meditations in the book very helpful in terms of learning how to love my body and how to gain a greater sense of freedom and peace about eating and food. You’ll need to pick and choose what works for you and what doesn’t, but that’s the case with all meditation practices, right?  As always, the issue is what’s skillful and what isn’t, what leads to and end of stress and suffering, and what doesn’t.  Meditating to Attain A Healthy Bodyweight offers those overwhelmed by their bodies and by cravings a skillful, compassionate way to healing.

See also:

Larry Dossey:

Healing Words: The Power of Prayer and the Practice of Medicine

Reinventing Medicine: Beyond Mind-Body to a New Era of Healing

Herbert Benson:

Timeless Healing

The Relaxation Response

♥♥♥

After making a post about this year’s Martin Luther King Memorial Day (post here), I took a look at some of my favorite Dr. King writings that I have collected over the years. One that really caught my eye was an article he wrote while at Crozer Theological Seminary when he was about 22 years old.

The paper is entitled “Religion’s Answer to the Problem of Evil.” It’s a great essay, and with typical intellectual vigor, the young Dr. King manfully takes up and analyzes the main philosophical arguments and rationales for the existence of evil, finally rejecting them all:

“It is right and inevitable to attempt to come to an intellectual solution of this problem. Men of all ages and all religions have set out on this difficult venture. Yet some of the proposed solutions are no solutions at all. To deny the reality of evil is all but absurd. To posit the existence of another cosmic power opposed to God is taking a speculative flight which can have no true philosophical grounding. To suggest a finite God as a solution to the problem is to fall in the pit of humanizing God.”

During my Christian years, this was probably the problem that I wrestled with as a practicing Christian. The problem is called theodicy—the problem of evil, how and why it exists, if God is all-good as well as omnipotent, all-powerful, and omniscient, all-knowing.

Throughout the ages, theologians have argued that evil is the result of a corrupted and fallen world, that true free will cannot exist without the possibility of choosing evil, and finally, that human simply cannot understand God’s “mysterious” ways, but it all works out in the end, at least, for those who are “saved.”

As the young Dr. King concludes his paper:

“The existence of evil in the world still stands as the great enigma wrapped in mystery, yet it has not caused Christians to live in total despair. The Christian religion has offered men a way for the overcoming of evil through insight and faith and a life in right relations with God and man…

Yet with all of the new light that has been shed on the old problem we still come to a point beyond which we cannot go. Any intellectual solution to the problem of evil will come to inevitable impasses. The ultimate solution is not intellectual but spiritual. After we have climbed to the top of the speculative ladder we must leap out into the darkness of faith. But this leap is not a leap of despair, for it eventually cries with St. Paul, “For now we see through a glass darkly; . . . but then shall I know even as I am known.” The Christian answer to the problem of evil is ultimately contained in what he does with evil, itself the result of what Christ did with evil on the cross

As a Buddhist ex-Christian, I can still appreciate the deep integrity of Dr. King’s radically Christian solution—when all intellectual wrestlings fail, the only recourse for the Christian is a radical leap of faith, which, speaking from my own experience as a Christian, can indeed sometimes feel like a leap into the dark. (And which isn’t to say, the light is not also seen and felt there in that surrender to “unknowing”.)

For me, as a Buddhist, this solution has significant problems, but this post isn’t meant to be a critique of Christianity. What I would rather point to, in the spirit of my teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, who was a dear friend and admirer of Dr. King’s, is where Buddhist and Christian might indeed agree and hold hands in service of a greater good.

I think Dr. King’s words point to this common ground, and that’s where he says, “Any intellectual solution to the problem of evil will come to inevitable impasses. The ultimate solution is not intellectual but spiritual” and “…the problem of evil is ultimately contained in what [one] does with evil itself…”

The Buddha’s solution to “the problem of evil”—which to him was the problem of suffering and the causes of suffering, (which, finally, is primal ignorance)—is also radically existential and practical. In Buddhism, what one does with evil—with suffering and all the unsatisfactoriness of conditioned being—is to look deeply into it to find the causes and conditions that bring about suffering. And then skillfully to let go of those causes and conditions as being “me” or “mine.”  By non-identification with that which has no intrinsic essence or permanence—no true identity—one experiences the blissful liberation of non-grasping, an opening up and spaciousness of the mind and heart.

With practice, and increasing mindfulness and loving-kindness, we find that what Buddhism calls the defilements”—craving, hatred, and delusion—fall away from us.  If we do not cling to them, they cannot cling to us!

When asked the metaphysical question of how world came to be, which would certainly include the problem of evil and suffering, the Buddha didn’t give a philosophical answer.  Instead, he turned the problem around on the questioner:

“You are like a man who has been shot with a poison arrow and who, when the doctor comes to remove it, says ‘Wait! Before the arrow is removed I want to know the name of the man who shot it, what clan he comes from, which village he was born in. I want to know what type of wood his bow is made from, what feathers are on the end of the arrow, how long the arrows are, etc., etc.’ That man would die before all these questions could be answered. My job is to help you to remove the arrow of suffering from yourself” (Majjhima Nikaya Sutta No. 63).

How many of people are shot full of arrows, and yet spend endless hours trying to make sense of their suffering through intellectual arguments and theological rationales? How many of people try to justify their own or others’ suffering in terms of concepts like karma, fate, original sin, divine retribution, predestination, a near all-powerful devil, and all sort of other abstract ideas, instead of looking into their own hearts and minds for the causes of suffering? How many people fall into self-hate and self-condemnation because they believe if they suffer, it must be because they are inherently bad or sinful?

To such people I say, dear friend,  you can drop all of that crap! You don’t have to buy some metaphysical belief system or have blind faith in some theology or book or prophet or guru in order to be “saved.” Have more respect for yourself and your own innate ability to be and do good! No god or devil stands in the way of a heart that wants to awaken. No final judgment awaits you if you don’t adopt somebody else’s beliefs about the ultimate nature of good and evil.

Look and see for yourself what is true and what is not. See for yourself what thoughts and actions bring about an end to suffering and what thoughts and actions bring an increase in happiness.

As the Buddha said:

Believe nothing on the faith of traditions,
even though they have been held in honor
for many generations and in diverse places.
Do not believe a thing because many people speak of it.
Do not believe on the faith of the sages of the past.
Do not believe what you yourself have imagined,
persuading yourself that a God inspires you.
Believe nothing on the sole authority of your masters and priests.
After examination, believe what you yourself have tested
and found to be reasonable, and conform your conduct thereto.

If your deepest beliefs about, “life, the universe, and everything” have been tested in the crucible of your own life experience and have not proven themselves lacking, then more power to you! I rejoice in your progress. This blog makes no claim that Buddhism has a monopoly on truth or is the “one way.” Truth and light can be found in many religions. Look at Dr. King’s own life of Christian love and heroism. If anyone looked deeply into the problem of evil and answered it with his life and actions, it was this man!

Whatever one’s belief, my earnest wish is that  every honest, yearning heart find its way complete free and ultimate happiness, which is beyond all human concepts! But if your very own core beliefs have caused or even increased your suffering and have proved powerless to change your life for the better, then perhaps it is time for a new tack. Instead of endlessly trying to make your old beliefs work or justifying why they don’t seem to be working, maybe you could just set them down for a while, and try something new.

That “something new” can start as simply as learning how to sit quietly with ourselves and how to attend to our heart and its feelings with insight and compassion. It can start with learning how to drop warring, argumentative thoughts and ideas about the way things “should” or “ought” to be, and just being with what is. Without this surrender to immediate presence, we really can’t see deeply into the causes of our suffering and make the permanent changes for good we want to see in our lives.

As Thanissaro Bhikkhu writes so encouragingly:

“Don’t lose sight of what’s right here, because everything you need to know to attain true Awakening, to discover that happiness beyond change, is right here in your body and mind. The process of sitting right here with the mind on the breath, thinking about and evaluating the breath, perceiving and feeling the results: All the factors you’re going to need to know are right here, and yet we tend to look past them.

So try to keep your focus right here. The irony of it all is that the more “right here” you are in your focus, the longer-term the happiness that comes from your actions. As you get more and more skillful at this one point, it has ramifications that go out in all directions….The more “right here” you are, the longer the good results will last. You give up the guesswork and speculation, you focus on things you can really know right here, right now. That’s why the Buddha’s teachings are for everybody.”

See next:

The Buddha’s Silence-and the Problem of Evil

The Buddha’s Practical Answer to the Problem of Evil-Part 2

]]> http://digital-dharma.net/2010/01/20/silent-killers/ Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:52:31 +0000 Bill http://digital-dharma.net/2010/01/20/silent-killers/ http://digital-dharma.net/2010/01/19/ive-been-waiting-a-long-time-to-feel-this-way/ Tue, 19 Jan 2010 15:28:45 +0000 Bill http://digital-dharma.net/2010/01/19/ive-been-waiting-a-long-time-to-feel-this-way/ http://kirbymoore.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/a-bit-of-metta-workshops-post-poned/ Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:04:20 +0000 kirbymoore http://kirbymoore.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/a-bit-of-metta-workshops-post-poned/

Hello Blogging World,  Thank you for reading!  And of course this material, where appropriate, is copyrighted by M. Kirby Moore.  Please ask permission before reproducing any of it.

At the Mani Drupchen, I had plenty of time to think about my New Year’s resolutions and my provocative statement to hold in my heart throughout this coming year.  I am not sure what day it was, but I came up with a sentence that I feel is quite potent.  I was pondering the states of compassion and kindness which seemed to arise while in retreat.  I wanted to be able to sustain that level of potency even when I left retreat, but judging from previous experience, I was not sure I could handle this tall order.

Therefore, my provocative statement for this new year is along the lines of:  May (I and) all sentient beings pierce the veils of ignorance which obscure the flow of limitless compassion (ASAP).

There you go!  For me, that is at least a year long process, heh…  Actually it is probably a 5,000 lifetime goal but I am slowly working on it.

Also, on a separate note, I have taken a job which will delay my planned workshops.  I will be re-scheduling in the spring and / or summer, and I might also look into leading workshops in Va Beach as well as Maryland.

With so much pain and suffering in the news, I wanted to share this guided metta meditation that I’ve used for years. It’s from the book Who is My Self: A Guide to Buddhist Meditation by Ayya Khema, a wonderfully skillful nun in the Theravada tradition.

This particular guided meditation has been especially helpful in my metta for the dear people of Haiti, and as you’ll see, the wording is easily adapted to specific metta for them.

You may also notice that this metta meditation, using the in-breath and out-breath, has similarities to the tonglen practice of Tibetan Buddhism. Both are highly skillful means for developing the heart of compassion. (See All-Embracing Compassion-The Heart-Practice of Tonglen)

May this guided meditation inspire and heal you. May all our hearts of find the peace that is beyond all conditions, beyond all understanding, yet as near as our next breath!

Breathing in Peace, Breathing out Love
Ayya Khema

On your next in-breath, fill yourself with peace wherever you think it might come from: the night sky, the trees, the sun, or the wind. Breathe in peace and fill yourself with it. And on your next out-breath breathe out love and surround yourself with it, holding you in a warm embrace. Breathe in peace, fill yourself with it; breathe out love and surround yourself with it.

Now breathe out love and peace to the person sitting next to you. Give that person the great gift you can give, filling him or her with all the peace that you can muster, and surrounding and embracing him or her with all the love that comes from your heart. And as you breathe in and out, fill yourself with more peace and breathe out more love, so that you can give more out of the fullness of your heart.

Now think of your parents, whether they are still alive or not. Breathe out love and peace to them, filling them with all the peace that you can find in yourself, and embrace them with all the loves that comes from your heart. And as you breathe in and out, breathe in more peace, breathe out more love. The more love we give, the more love we have within.

Think of those people who are nearest and dearest to you and breathe out love and peace to them. Give the gift of your loving and peaceful heart. Think of your good friends and breathe out love and peace to them. Fill them with all the peace that you can find in yourself as a gift from you and embrace them with all the love you can find in yourself, as gift from your heart.

Think of those people who are companions in your daily life and breathe out love and peace to them. Let each of them have the gift of your heart, the best gift we can give anyone.

If you know anyone who is sick or not feeling well, or anyone that is old and not very well, think of them and breathe out love and peace to that person.

If you know anyone who has a lot of grief at this time, breathe out love and peace to that person. If you do not know of any such person, think of the people who have a lot of sorrow having lost a loved one, being ill, having bad fortune. Breathe out love and peace to as many of them as you can.

Think of a difficult person whom you know, or any difficult person that you can think of, whom you might not even know personally. Then breathe out the warmth of your love and the calm of your peace to that person, filling him or her with peace, embracing him or her with love. Recognize the dukkha (suffering) in that person, which makes it easier to love that person.

Breathe out love and peace into your surroundings, knowing that when you do that your are adding to the love and peace in the world. Let love and peace from your heart reach out into your environment to all sentient beings, to nature, and to the night sky—reach out as far and as wide as the strength of your heart will allow.

And now on your next in-breath breathe in peace and fill yourself with it, and you next out-breath breathe out love and embrace yourself with it. And do that for the next few minutes as you breathe in and out.

Feel the peace settling in your heart and the love surrounding you like a golden mantle. Anchor both of them in your heart so that you have easy access to them.

May all people everywhere have love and peace in their hearts.

When we hurt others, and our conscience is awake, we suffer. While having a conscience is good, the Buddha is all about the ending of suffering, right? So, what do we do?

Bhante Bodhidhamma is a vipassana (insight meditation) teacher of over 20 years experience. He offers some very helpful insight practices to help us heal our hearts and perhaps (where possible) become reconciled with those we’ve hurt.

(This is Part 2 of a three-part series on learning how to forgive ourselves.)

In Part 3, Bhante Bodhidhamma shows how to heal guilt and remorse through developing goodwill through creative imagination and metta, or loving-kindness.

An Exercise in Creative Imagination to Develop Goodwill

Bring the person to mind and explain your behaviour and how ashamed or sorrowful you feel.

Tell them that you wish to be reconciled. Apologize to them. Offer to make amends. Perhaps a present, too.

Here is formula for asking for forgiveness.

Whatever harm I have done to you, in thought, word or deed, by way of greed, hatred and delusion, intentionally or unintentionally, please forgive me.

Tell them what good qualities you recognise in them.

Imagine them forgiving you and offering you the hand of friendship.
Offer them some blessings for their life.

Can you let yourself be taken back into their heart? To be embraced?

We may need to meet the person and express our remorse.

It is important to choose the proper time and place. If we have done the inner work well, our body and facial language will express our contrition. It is always a good starter to let them know we acknowledge our behavior to have been wrong and to apologizes for any hurt caused.

The person will usually take for granted that we have caused them psychological pain. But we in ourselves must only apologize for our part. Unless it is appropriate, and it usually isn’t, there is no need to disabuse them of their misunderstanding, for our purpose is to undermine their suffering.

Perhaps at some later date there may be occasion to discuss the true psychology of suffering. There is no point in offering this understanding to someone who is not prepared for it. It will only cause resentment, for it will seem to them that we are not taking responsibility for their suffering.

What if a person refuses to forgive us and continues to harbour resentment and revenge?

We can but accept that. Let us remember it is not necessary to be forgiven by someone in order to empty ourselves of feelings of shame, guilt and remorse. These will be uprooted by the steps above. In such a case, it is best to stay away from the person.

Perhaps after a passage of time we can send out feelers and see if reconciliation is possible. We may even send a present. But our motivation ought to be because we want to undermine that person’s suffering.

Must, ought to, have to. These are words that in some counselling and psychotherapeutic circles are often said to cause further false guilt and self-hatred. This may be true if such demands are put upon us externally or if we take on demands we do not want. But when we take responsibility for our resolutions, when such determinations are our own desires, then they become agents of change.

How do we forgive ourselves?
What if the internal judge will not forgive us even when the other person has done so?

We can hear the judge within us:

“I’m terrible!” “How could I do a thing like that?” “Other people must think I’m awful.” “You just can’t improve.” “This is the way I am.” “You deserve the worst!”… and so on; such thoughts can lead to self-harm.

It is important not to identify with this voice. It is just a conditioning within the mind. We do not have to believe it! We do not have to agree with it. Just listen. By just listening, we do not empower it.

Sit quietly with the thoughts and feelings as they arise. Simply listen to this condemning voice as if it belonged to another person. Feel fully the emotions that arise with the voice. In this way you distance yourself from them too. They are just part of the mental turbulence you have created within yourself and it is simply not necessary. Just listening and feeling means we are not empowering those thoughts and feelings and eventually they will die away.

Ask yourself what good does this train of thought do? Surely it is better to do what you can to put right what you did wrong and accept the consequences of your actions.

Forgiveness - Beth Budesheim

Then you need to make an act of humility, which properly means to accept yourself as you really are and not as you would wish to be. Accept our limitations, our failings. You can make up your own sayings, such as:

Because of past actions based on greed, hatred and delusion, I have developed such and such unskillful habits.

So long as I am not free of greed, hatred and delusion, I will make mistakes.

Finally, from that starting point of “this is the way I am,” to realize you can change!

Make a determination not to behave like that again. Even though I know I may probably act in a similar unskillful way, yet I keep making the effort. In time, the old unskillful habit will give way.

You can read Part 1 and Part 2 here:

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 1

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 2

When we hurt others, and our conscience is awake, we suffer. While having a conscience is good, the Buddha is all about the ending of suffering, right? So, what do we do?

Bhante Bodhidhamma is a vipassana (insight meditation) teacher of over 20 years experience. He offers some very helpful insight practices to help us heal our hearts and perhaps (where possible) become reconciled with those we’ve hurt.

(This is Part 1 of a three-part series on learning how to forgive ourselves.)

How do we free ourselves of a victimizer’s suffering?

Reflect on the truth that we are deluded.

Remember we have acted out of a mistake arising from our primal ignorance and that therefore we are at heart innocent. This allows us to forgive ourselves.

It is necessary to take on our proper responsibility for the role we played.

We need to accept our part in the process of ‘causing’ that pain, of being a catalyst. For instance, once we know how to press someone’s buttons, we can use it to control, to spite them and to enjoy ourselves! Because harm comes as a result of our behavior, we need to accept our share of the responsibility – the more so if the person is not in control of their behavior, such as a child.

However, we must be careful not to take on false guilt.

Just as it is true for us, so it is true for others. Each of us is responsible for our own psychological pain, even those we have harmed.

We must make resolutions not to behave in a similar way again.

Resolutions can be dangerous things! Sometimes we overestimate what we are capable of, in which case we need to be realistic and revise our resolutions.

Because our behavior patterns are deeply ingrained, we will necessarily make the same mistakes over and over. So we need to accept that the process will have to be repeated and repeated and repeated. Slowly, if this is done with an earnest heart, our habits are lessened and they will eventually die away.

We have to sit in the midst of the flames we have caused in our own hearts.

This is the psychotherapeutic process of vipassana insight meditation. Again we must be careful not to indulge in fantasy, but as soon as the mind has wandered into thought patterns around shame, guilt and remorse, we need to bring ourselves back to just those emotions as felt in the body and sit patiently with them. Accept unreservedly that this suffering is a proper consequence of unskilful action. So we must learn to sit patiently amidst the flames.

At an insight level, we begin to realise that we cannot fool our hearts. Whenever we do harm, these mental states of shame, guilt and remorse will arise. Eventually they become automatic reminders of potential suffering as soon as any unskilful thought or desire arises. In this way they become our guardians.

It is true that all feelings of shame, guilt and remorse are unwholesome. A liberated person would not feel such states. However, if we do not look upon them as teachers, we will experience them as punishment which will make us the more bitter.

You can read Part 2 and Part 3 here:

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 2

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 3

As always seems to happen when there’s a disaster, scammers try to take advantage of people’s generosity with bogus organizations and websites.

This shouldn’t deter our generosity in this time of critical need in Haiti, but we can be wise, too!

One of the very best places to check out the legitimacy of an organization or website is GuideStar. They have been around for years and are 100% compliant with IRS procedures for identifying supporting organizations and verifying charitable status:

http://www2.guidestar.org/

Here are some links to helpful articles on the internet:

Top 10 Tips to Avoid Haiti Relief Scams

HAITI EARTHQUAKE: Be Careful About Those ‘Impulse’ Donations

FBI Warns Would-be Donors to Be Alert for Scams

Once again, I’d like to highlight a wonderful organization that has been around for years and is based right as “ground zero” in Haiti. It’s called Partners in Health. Your donations to them will put to immediate use. Here’s their mission statement:

The Partners in Health Vision: Whatever it takes

At its root, our mission is both medical and moral. It is based on solidarity, rather than charity alone. When a person in Peru, or Siberia, or rural Haiti falls ill, PIH uses all of the means at our disposal to make them well—from pressuring drug manufacturers, to lobbying policy makers, to providing medical care and social services. Whatever it takes. Just as we would do if a member of our own family—or we ourselves—were ill.

You can contact Partners in Health here:

http://www.pih.org/home.html

Tonglen for Self-forgiveness

~♥~

In my last post, All-Embracing Compassion-The Heart-Practice of Tonglen, I shared some introductory teaching on the Tibetan Buddhism practice of tonglen. In tonglen, we learn how to take suffering into our hearts—but without harm to us! And then to breath out love and compassion to the source and sense of suffering.

As I noted, while similar to metta practice, tonglen can be a challenging practice, but one with limitless rewards for ourselves and others.

To continue my on-going explanation of the importance of forgiveness in Buddhism:

Yes-Buddhism Teaches Forgiveness!

and

What Brit Hume forgot to tell Tiger Woods

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 1

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 2

Buddhist Forgiveness-When We Have Hurt Another-Part 3

I offer this short excerpt from the earlier tonglen post to show yet another way that Buddhism shows us how to find forgiveness.  In this case, tonglen practice shows a way to gain genuine self-forgiveness when we have done something wrong to another.

It’s a simple but challenging practice; I hope this piques your interest to take a look at the longer article:

Clearly imagine a situation where you have acted badly, one about which you feel shameful or guilty, and which may be difficult to even think about.

Then, as you breathe in, opening your heart, accept total responsibility for your actions in that particular situation.

Do not judge or try to justify your behavior. Simply acknowledge exactly what you have done wrong and wholeheartedly ask for forgiveness.

Now, as you breathe out, send the compassionate radiance of reconciliation, forgiveness, harmony, healing, and understanding.

Breathe in the pain and the blame, and breathe out the undoing of harm.

Breathe in taking full responsibility, breathe out the compassionate radiance of healing, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

This exercise is especially powerful. It may give you the courage to go see the person(s) whom you have wronged and the strength and willingness to talk to them directly and actually ask for forgiveness from the depths of your heart.