Miley Cyrus greasing the climby pole at the Teen Video Awards — cellulite at 16?  Too many potato chip’n'banana on Wonder bread sandwiches back at the trailer, methinks.

Just a little reminder, parents buying Christmas gifts for daughters and nieces: don’t buy from godless transnational Disney Corp. and its best-known brand, Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Hannah Mountana-from-behind. The daughter of no-talent assclown and sometime male stripper Billy Ray Cyrus (a one-hit wonder known for his moving, lyrical “Leaky Reeky Fart” or something like that), Cyrus teaches young women to have self-esteem if they’re emotionally secure and work hard at studies and sports.

Just kidding! If they work the pole in whore’s drawers — please, Miley, the world doesn’t want to be your gynecologist — and ask men to treat them as objects to scratch itches on. Because, of course, men need that encouragement. If the hosebeast daughter ever covers Daddy’s one witless hit, it’ll doubtless become “Itchy Twitchy Twat.” ‘Cause that’s just the high caliber ofartist [sic] she is.

In this connection, you must, must, if you haven’t already, see the scintillating South Park season 13 episode “The Ring,” complete with brief Wagner allusion at the end for those of us who don’t have a beautician girlfriend to beat when she scratches the Camaro (admittedly a tiny percentage of Trey and Matt’s audience — we few, we happy few…).  It satirizes the absurd “purity ring” phenomenon peddled by Disney’s other pretend-wholesome musical phenom, faggy boy band The Jonas Brothers.   “Mr. Mouse” beats down when they cross his plan to “sell sex to little girls”:

And the brilliant, hysterical finale: “Even the Christians are too fucking stupid to figure out I’m selling sex to their daughters.  I’ve made billions off of Christian ignorance for decades now.  And do you know why?  Because Christians are RETARDED!”

And so, dear believers, we are — if we sit there and let Disney Corp. and the rest of the Hollywood soft-core porn industry, the immensely rich and immensely evil Michael Eisners and Steven Spielbergs and Sumner Redstones, pipe their sewage directly into our living rooms day after day, night after night on The Disney Channel and the rest of their media outlets.  And all the while our grade-school girls sit there transfixed with their souls turning to sludge.  Please, Mom and Dad — buy your girls something else this Christmas.

ONLINE SERVICES/INTERACTIVE MEDIA

Oprah announced Saturday on her website Oprah.com that viewers can register to attend the largest book club meeting ever. Oprah’s book club has been stagnant for a while, however this latest title ‘Say You’re One of Them’ with author Uwen Akpan is number 63 of the Oprah’s Book Club. (The Examiner 10/26)

Bolstered by an investment from Rogers Communications, one of Canada’s largest media companies, the budding new-media mogul Michael Eisner is expanding his Web video studio. (NY Times 10/26)

Yahoo is losing more ground to its nemesis, Google, according to Barron’s. In short, Yahoo’s advertising revenues are on the decline while Google’s are rising. Yahoo is “cutting expenses to the bone and producing only ‘less bad’ results,” while rival Google is “pulling away.” (Iwantmedia 10/26, Barrons10/26)

Brave New High School Musical Part 1.

Brave New High School Musical Part 2

This comic is the longest that I’ve labored on particular comic. It went through massive revisions and I even had to map out a plot line. I don’t really know how the idea came to me. I think I just wanted to make something built out of Huxley’s “Brave New World.” It was a book that I had the chance to enjoy in community college English but I was too preoccupied with failing the class to read it. I came back to it a few years ago and now I like it a lot. Anywho, I wanted to juxtapoze new characters into that story, or keep the same story and match that with new faces and a snide remark. I went with the latter. I realized as I was first putting it together that it wasn’t really about high school all that much, nor was it a musical. This is true. The musical part, however, was something that I could piece together. I originally thought of doing some songs that everyone knows for a soundtrack, but that would be very un-John Williams of me. Instead, on the top of each panel is the name of the original music that will play during that scene. It sounds like it would be a good soundtrack.  I kept as many elements as true to the book that I could. I left out Helmholtz, cuz well he really wasn’t that interesting. I don’t think this is my best work, but I’m putting it out there because it’s completed.

Poster inédito de Javier Olivares para Madrid Comics

Finalmente, se ha publicado el texto íntegro de la conferencia de prensa en que se presentó la compra de Marvel por Disney. Clarificado que se respetarán los acuerdos firmados en relación al cine, la futura pelea a cara de perro se dará probablemente con Paramount/Viacom por el acuerdo de Marvel con la cadena de televisión y, especialmente, con Universal en relación a los parques temáticos. Quizás haya algun choque menor en otros sectores como los videojuegos, que no habíamos mencionado en nuestra entrada anterior. Sony parece haberse adelantado a los acontecimientos y renunció a sus derechos televisivos sobre Spiderman a cambio de mantenerlos en espectáculos de acción-real. Hemos traducido cuatro declaraciones de la conferencia que parecen significativas:

Bob Iger – President and Chief Executive Officer, The Walt Disney Company

Se le ha prestado bastante atención a algunos de los acuerdos en los que ha entrado Marvel (…) cuando operas como una sola compañía e integras verticalmente, despejas de la ecuación mucha fricción.

Tom Staggs – Senior Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, The Walt Disney Company

Alrededor de poco más del 50% de los beneficios de las licencias de Marvel provienen del mercado internacional. (Disney) está significativamente por encima del 50%. Así que pensamos que hay una oportunidad real en tomar (bring up) las licencias — las licencias internacionales se incorporarán a la ecuación con el tiempo.

Tom Staggs – Senior Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, The Walt Disney Company

Marvel, debido a su talla, no ha tenido necesariamente operaciones importantes en ciertos mercados en todo el mundo. No tienen necesariamente relaciones directas con algunos de los minoristas clave (…) En lugar de tener relaciones a través de una agencia en ciertos mercados, nosotros tenemos la infraestructura en el lugar. (…) y ahí pensamos que hay una oportunidad a una exposición más amplia para desarrollar estas propiedades.

Declaraciones como éstas invitan fácilmente a la especulación, tal y como hace Rich Johnson en un interesante artículo (via: Álvaro Pons) sobre la relación entre Panini, Marvel y Disney en Italia. Tras explicar como Disney retiró la licencia de sus personajes a Mondadori en este país, se pregunta:

¿Se repetirá la historia a sí misma? ¿Quitará Disney la licencia de Marvel a Panini y continuará su publicación a través de sus propias oficinas en Italia? (…) ¿Irán más lejos y (…) quitarán todas las licencias de Marvel a Panini país por país? ¿o comprarán Panini y obtendrán repentinamente una masiva vía de entrada en el Reino Unido?

En esta línea apocalíptica, Steve Grant de Comic Book Resources (la web que adelantó la noticia) escribe una columna en que, tras recordar como las corporaciones se comportan cuando compran a otras compañías más pequeñas, trae a colación la catástrofe de Ron Perelmann y Carl Icahn al intentar dominar por la fuerza el mercado directo comprando la distribuidora Heroes que acabó dejando a Marvel en bancarrota. El artículo concluye así:

Disney nunca ha entendido los cómics. Tradicionalmente entendieron la consignación de sus cómics. A Dell, a Gold Key, a Whitman, Egmont, Gladstone, Gemstone, Boom!. No está fuera de las posibilidades reales que, en un par de años, alguien en Disney tenga la brillante idea de integrar la compañía en la sede central y disolver la editorial mientras firma con otros editores para continuar produciendo los aventuras de los superhéroes de Marvel.

No compartimos esa hipótesis, ya que de las declaraciones de la conferencia se desprende que encargarán a Marvel los cómics de Disney, lo que no quiere decir que, pasado el tiempo de las alabanzas, no vayan a injerirse en la política comercial de Marvel en el mercado directo y cargárselo definitivamente. No obstante hay un dato, aún anecdótico, que puede invitar a la esperanza y éste es el nuevo dueño de Marvel.

Como decía Rich Johnson, y así titulamos esta entrada: la historia se repite. Bob Iger, el actual presidente de The Walt Disney Company, durante años segundo de Michael Eisner, es sobrino-nieto de Jerry Iger, creador del cómic de Sheena, la reina de la jungla y socio del estudio de dibujantes que Will Eisner montó en los años 30.  El primer artista contratado por Eisner & Iger Studios fue un tal Jack Kirby. Esperemos que Bob Iger no se decida a deshonrar a la familia.

P.S. Mientras, en el universo Egmont, encuentran un cómic tóxico del Pato Donald.

A TODO ESTO: Dinsey/Marvel, Kodansha en América, Sueisha y Shogakukan en Europa ¿donde está la industria del cómic europeo?

]]> http://remedialwaste.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/kotick-has-depression-apparently/ Fri, 21 Aug 2009 01:04:49 +0000 NebulaDog http://remedialwaste.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/kotick-has-depression-apparently/ http://cinemamisfits.com/2009/08/19/bazook-joe-the-movie/ Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:40:53 +0000 Jim Rutherford http://cinemamisfits.com/2009/08/19/bazook-joe-the-movie/

Listen, the problem isn’t that Hollywood has run out of ideas. It ran out of ideas a long time ago. The problem is, Hollywood doesn’t even know what an idea is anymore.

Michael Eisner’s office. He is speaking to his personal assistant.

Eisner: Last night. I was taking off my shirt — and I noticed in my belly button — this fuzzy stuff.

Assistant: Really?

Eisner: Yeah. Spontaneous fuzz. I think there might be a story in it.

Assistant: What direction were you thinking of going in with the… fuzz. Horror? Sci-fi?

Eisner: More along the lines of an environmental cautionary tale. Every man, woman, and child in America wakes up one morning to discover that their belly button has become a toxic dump site for…

Assistant: Lint?

Eisner: Sends a shudder down your spine, doesn’t it.

The assistant looks confused.

Eisner: Maybe Julia Roberts could star in it.

Assistant: Erin Brockovich 2?

Eisner: Why not?

Long silence from Eisner.

Eisner: Christ. I hope she doesn’t have an outtie.

Another morning.

Eisner: Have you ever noticed how when your eyelids open and close kind of slowly, there’s this… well, the only way to put it is — darkness. Usually you don’t notice, I mean your eyelids move so fast. But if you slow them down…

Assistant: There’s this… darkness.

Eisner: Exactly! Now try and imagine this. An entire film — presented in Blink-O-Vision. The tag could be something like: Don’t blink… or you’ll miss it!

Assistant: Should that go in the press release? Or do you want to save it for the one on one with Premier?

A more recent morning.
Eisner is chewing something and reading a small unfolded piece of paper. He laughs.

Eisner: Bazooka Joe. That guy really cracks me up.

Assistant: You do know, sir, we own that property.

Eisner: You’re shittin’ me!

Eisner swallows gum and begins to choke. Personal assistant performs Heimlich maneuver. After a moment or two, the gum pops out of Eisner’s mouth.

Eisner: All this time, we’ve been sitting on top a gold mine and I didn’t even know it. Bazooka Fuckin’ Joe. And he’s ours.

Assistant: Along with Mort, Cindy, Jake and the whole Bazooka Joe gang.

Eisner: Jake? Who the hell is Jake?

Assistant: Jake is the dog.

Eisner: No. Walkie Talkie is the dog.

Assistant: Sir, you’re dating yourself.

Eisner: Whatever. Maybe we could change the dog’s name to Cell Phone. Anyway, just think of the merchandising possibilities.

The personal assistant takes a moment to think about the merchandising possibilities before offering:

Assistant: Gum?

Eisner: It’s a natural. We could hold a nation wide contest and stick chewed gum under theater seats. If you find the special gum, you win a big cash prize!

Assistant: (trying not to make a face) Chewed gum? Under seats?

Eisner doesn’t respond. He’s lost in a reverie.

Eisner: Bazooka Joe: The Movie. It’ll be the biggest thing since…

Assistant: Navel lint?

Eisner: Bigger. I’m talking big, big.

Assistant: Even bigger than Blink-O-Vision?

Eisner: Oh, yeah. It’s got Blink-O-Vision beat all to hell.

Some final thoughts on the possibility of a Bazooka Joe movie.  What else can we say, except…

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

It’s not a huge surprise that Michael Eisner is a fan of premium content. He did, after all, run Disney (s DIS), one of the largest entertainment factories in the world. But in a nice little Q&A over at Broadcasting & Cable, Eisner showed just how big a proponent he is of high-end content. You should read the whole thing, but here are some highlights:

On free content: “It’s hysterical experimentation, but it’s not altogether inappropriate. Nobody knows what the next act is.”

On distribution vs. content: “My bet has always been what is more important, content or distribution; distribution companies tend to be more and less relevant with the waving of a wand. People still underestimate the value of content. If you have ownership of high-end, exclusive content, end of game.”

On high-end content: “This [environment] has killed mediocre content. Audiences don’t just have to sit there anymore and be entertained by mediocre content like in the past.”

Eisner’s words dovetail nicely with a discussion we had in our comments over the weekend about Dr. Horrible’s success. That was a case where ownership of high-end content stood out from all else out there, and created both paid and free distribution opportunities for itself. It didn’t matter whether you got Horrible through Hulu, iTunes or physical DVDs, people just wanted it because it was so good. Granted, not everyone has those sweetheart relationships with Hollywood talent and distribution muscle, but Whedon’s actions and Eisner’s words are worth paying attention to.

Growing up, I always took a lot of pride in my fairly prodigious sports card collection. Sure, my older brother managed to fleece me out of my coveted Daryl Strawberry rookie card, but I spent enough time and enough money on it that it didn’t end up mattering. Among the companies that were happy to take my hard-earned cash were Topps, Upper Deck, Fleer, Donruss, Pinnacle, and Pacific. Those are the names that helped color my youth, and I remember them fondly.

Sadly, most of them were not long for this world. Pinnacle Brands fell into the crapper back in 1998. Pacific didn’t even make it to their ten-year anniversary, dying off in 2001. Even Fleer, once one of the big names in the marketplace, went bankrupt and was sold for scrap to Upper Deck. Donruss lost the MLB license in 2006 as part of an effort by the MLB to consolidate the market. I don’t collect cards anymore, but it makes me sad to see them go.

Upper Deck is the latest card company in trouble. Today the MLB announced that they’ve signed a multi-year deal with Topps to be the exclusive trading card maker of Major League Baseball. Apparently the MLB thinks that what’s stopping kids from buying baseball cards these days is confusion in the marketplace because of the multiple card lines available at hobby stores. (And not, as is actually the case, the fact that the speculative trading card market died ten years year ago and kids would rather play Xbox than throw colorful pieces of cardboard around, but I digress.)

Upper Deck signed a deal with the MLBPA just last month, so they will likely continue to try and produce baseball cards, even if they don’t have the rights to any team logos or trademarks. One can’t help but be reminded of the parellel plight of 2K Sports, who continued to try and make a football game even when EA and the NFL stole the license out from under them. As valiant an effort as that was, and as good a product as the put out, the exclusivity deal was the death knell for the NFL 2K series.

From where I’m standing, I can’t understand sports’ obsessions with exclusive deals. Former Disney CEO and current Topps head Michael Eisner insists that this deal will help make cards more fun for kids. Because, evidently, the key to spurring creativity and fun is to squash all the competition.  But then, that’s a lesson that all non-AL East teams learned a long time ago.

[Originally posted on OPENSports.com]

by Karl Hofstetter for Odondo Notes, August 7, 2009.

Corporate Governance discussions focus mostly on widely held firms. Controlled companies, e.g. family companies or listed subsidiaries, pose diferrent challenges, however. Where a company is under the conrol of a large active shareholder, the “agency” – conflict between shareholders and managers is less pronounced. Yet, the power of controlling shareholders gives rise to another “agency” – issue: the potential conflicts of interest with minority shareholders…(read more)

We are proud to announce that we have been selected as a “Featured Fazzino Collector!” Charles Fazzino is one of the most popular and world renowned pop artists of all time! And yes – you’ve seen his work!

We at VH International Business Solutions are in fine company as collectors of the spectacular 3D pop art which also grace the collections of Paul McCartney, Ronde Barber, Justin Tuck, Donald Trump, President William Jefferson Clinton, Levar Burton, Derek Jeter, Joe Torre, Mariano Rivera, Keith Urban, Gretchen Wilson, Rosie O’Donnell, Michael Eisner, President George Bush, Michael Jackson, Morgan Freeman, Tony Stewart, Senator Hillary Clinton, Marlo Thomas, Whoopi Goldberg, Ellen Degeneres, Rebecca, Herbst, Eli Manning, Roger Clemens, Jim Brown, Lawrence Taylor, Petra Nemcova, Sandra Day O’Connor, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Bette Midler, George Steinbrenner, Jonathan Winters, Kristin Chenoweth, Prince Albert of Monaco, Richard Petty, Angel Cordero, Jr., Phil Collins, Michael Jordan, Julia Roberts and many other internationally renowned figures and corporations.*

Our submission:

We are big Fazzino fans here in the office! Art by Charles decorates our entire office! It’s like a mini Museum! We run an executive office center where people come to work and meet with clients. The artwork – as you probably know – just stops people in their tracks. I personally love to just look at the pieces over and over. You find something new every time.

On display we have in our reception room:

Broadway and Beyond
Next Stop Broadway
New York City is…

We have a couple signed copies of the book Charles Fazzino (Traffic 24-7) in our magazine rack along with a copy of Sam Katz on the Loose!

On my desk I have the little pin with the King Kong on the Empire State building over the taxi – signed! Unfortunately the glue hasn’t held up and separated from the actual pin mechanism.

In a meeting room, we have:
Another Day Another Dollar

In a private office, we have:
New York with Apples, Clouds and Rainbows

I’m sure I’m missing a few items here and there! I know we have another pin…I just cant find it now. Maybe in the Boss’ office

Thank you to Charles for making art fun and lovable for people of all ages and backgrounds!

Fazzino Fans for Life,
The Staff at VH International Business Solutions, Inc.

* Source: Fazzino.com

One of my more humorous experiences with authenticity came when I was at the Disney studios in Burbank to interview Michael Eisner for Denison University. I had a couple of hours before the interview to kill so naturally I joined Michael’s entourage, as they ponderously moved from setup to setup to film “Voice of Disney” spots with Michael. It was a gorgeous sunny day but of course the 20-man crew wasn’t using sunlight; several grips held 60-foot rolls of silk overhead while giant HMI fresnels were focused on the subject. After several spots were in the can they began working on an intro for the movie Bambi. To introduce the film, the script called for a real Bambi (captive fawn), a real Thumper (bunny rabbit) and a real Flower (deflowered skunk). Eisner was to ask humans dressed up in the standard Disneyland Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy costumes who their favorite Bambi characters were. Mickey was to pet and say “Bambi!”, Minnie was to hold and say “Thumper!”, and Goofy was to hold and say “Flower!” … at which time everyone was to scatter at the sight of a skunk… with Michael delivering his final welcome line as he left the frame, leaving Goofy holding the skunk.

The rehearsals went fine, but when it was time to roll, the cartoon characters put on their heads, and then the fireworks began. Authentic Bambi took one look at Goofy, and went ballistic. I never imagined a juvenile deer could make a sound like that. We’re talking a high-pitched roar, half bellow and half shriek, while it kicked and butted and jumped like a wild horse at the rodeo. The trainer huddled with the assistant director, and produced a vial that I suppose was veterinary Vallium, from which he gave Bambi a shot in the hindquarters.

After a few minutes Bambi seemed calm … almost woozy it seemed to me. So the cameras got set, the grips at attention, the slate clapped … and again Goofy put on his head. This time Bambi went freakishly insane, screaming louder than before and opening up a 4-inch gash in the handler’s arm. The medical staff rushed over to administer first aid, and now the director and script supervisor huddled with Michael Eisner to find another approach. While Bambi was hustled away in what felt for all the world like a paddy wagon, the creative minds found a way to tell the story that did not require a live deer to coexist with Goofy.

For me, it was great fun. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the mediated part of media work. Here we have humans who can control all the elements: create their own sun, manufacture their own rain and wind. They might even be able to “guide” (?) the sensibilities of human beings. But they couldn’t overcome the hard-wired perceptions of a wild animal, no matter how many narcotics they used. The deer knew what it saw, and it knew to fear a plastic “friend” with a wolf’s jaw and two-inch teeth. The authentic nature of Goofy — his frightful appearance, not his hidden human motives — was the only visual language this natural critter understood.

And you know what? It seems to me that the more we learn about nature, and the more we get in touch with wildness in our world, the more we, too, might do well to fear our faux friends: the plastic face of progress; the factory farms, the poisoned yards, the symptom-masking meds and all the other mediated “realities” of our artificial environment. Like Goofy, they’re all scarier than they want us to think.

En los tres últimos días, leo varias cosas que se relacionan: contenido, storytelling y emoción. En la Contra de hoy Michael Eisner, actualmente entrevistador y que  presidió Walt Disney entre 1984 y 2005 y Paramount Pictures nos dice que “Una buena historia siempre venderá: en cualquier soporte”.

Me gustaría resaltar algunos de sus comentarios:

No se trata de dinero, sólo los mediocres están obsesionados con el dinero. Se trata de ideas, talento y buenas historias, y cuando alguien le diga que los periódicos desaparecen, ríase de él. Siempre habrá información – en el soporte que sea-y gente que pague para que se la jerarquicen e interpreten.

The New York Times pierde pasta.

Ahora yo lo leo por internet. Usted preocúpese de tener buenas historias que contar y no le faltará trabajo. Fíjese en que, desde la imprenta, han ido apareciendo medios, pero ninguno ha logrado sustituir al anterior.

Antonio Núñez, consultor y experto en storytelling, autor del libro Será mejor que lo cuentes,  también nos dice: La gente ya no quiere datos, busca emociones y sensaciones.

Y todo ello me remite a su vez al libro Cuentos que curan de Bernardo Ortín (Edit. Océano), en el que nos explica el poder curativo del cuento, usado como metáfora. Porqué como dijo Aristóteles: Nada llega al intelecto que no haya pasado antes por los sentidos.

Os dejo con una pequeña historia que relata Ortín que le pasó a Abraham Maslow:

Maslow atendió a una persona que se consideraba a sí misma un cadáver. A pesar de los argumentos lógicos del médico, aquel hombre persistía en su creencia. En un momento de inspiración, el psiquiatra preguntó al paciente: ¿Cree que los cadáveres sangran? . El paciente replicó: Eso es ridículo. Por supuesto que los cadáveres no sangran. Después de pedirle permiso, el médico pinchó al paciente en un dedo y la sangre roja brilló. El paciente asombrado exclamó: ¡Maldita sea, los cadáveres sangran!

¿Te llegan más las cosas con “el corazón” o con “la mente”?

Mertxe Pasamontes

by Gabe Downey

Here is a quick list of things that have struck me as humorous in the last couple of days:

1. I find it incredibly hilarious that my family owns a Disney themed Menorah. Suck it Walt, you anti-semite you.

2. Today, after spending a couple of minutes flipping through the channels, Brandon and I settled on a show about crazy restaurants on the Travel Channel, or Discovery or something. They were talking about a restaurant called the “Catfish Plantation” in some po-dunk Texas town. This restaurant, according to the people who own it (and probably their desire for financial gain) was haunted by the ghosts of three deceased people. How did they know there are three different ghosts? Through “scientific” exploration and paranormal investigation of course! So, the owner of this hell-hole started telling stories about how ghosts would brew fresh coffee for her in the morning and break wine glasses because she (the ghost) “didn’t approve of alcohol” in her restaurant. Then, they showed hillbilly #1 in the kitchen explaining how they had to move the wine glasses behind a piece of glass so the ghost couldn’t get to them and break them.

…So what you’re telling me is a ghost can figure out how to brew a fresh pot of coffee all by itself in the morning, yet cannot open a glass door to get to the wine glasses it so desperately wants to break? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Here’s the sick part folks: people actually believe this to be true. It’s absolutely amazing to me that these kind of people make it from day to day without a complete breakdown from lack of common sense and problem solving skills. Something falls over when you open a door, how about air pressure change? Lights go on and off by themselves? Boy, the electricity wiring in a house from 1895 probably isn’t perfect. You see, just like people who believe in psychics and most major religions, these people are not willing to use reason and problem solving to explain these everyday occurrences. These aren’t paranormal events, these are just normal things happening to stupid, gullible people. Grow up.

3. Come to think of it, I find it also hilarious that Michael Eisner was ever CEO of Disney.

3.5. I found out that the mother of the boy Michael Jackson is accused of molesting is named Janet Jackson.

4. It’s enough of these preachers and Pentecostal believers “speaking in tongues”. You’re not speaking in tongues, you’re babbling like a 3 year old! How can you wake up in the morning and take yourself seriously? How are you able to live normal, healthy, productive lives when you can’t even speak like an adult? Oh wait, you can’t. Morons. Grow up.

5. It’s clear to me now that every walking penis in the world that has learned to speak and use a microphone, works for the VS network.

6. In nature it’s very prevalent that animals protect their own, meaning giraffes protect giraffes and antelope protect antelope. The strength of the herd is used to help the individual. The same is true for humans and our little groups and sects. Christians protect Christians, liberals protect liberals. So, you have to be pretty horrible to be ousted by those whom are in your group. Which brings me to this statement:

Sorry Gary Bettman, even Jews fucking hate you and think you’re terrible.

There are enough rampant anti-semites in the world (see #1) Gary, please stop giving them more reasons to hate.

Well, that does it for this list. Stay tuned for future nonsense. 

p.s. come on Wings!

I didn’t react to the news that Michael Eisner was adapting Bazooka Joe into a feature length movie with the same kind of distant revulsion that most did; I was pissed. The reason is simple… Michael Mongillo and I had come up with that idea twelve or thirteen years ago.

It happened, as these things often do, over the course of an evening partaking in illicit substances. We starting riffing on the most absurd adaptation conceivable and immediately came up with the comics of Bazooka Joe, minimalist 2-4 panel abominations included with every pink slab of Bazooka bubble gum. As elements were added to the stew: a healthy dollop of decrepit borscht-belt humor, old school Brooklyn in a location-as-character conceit, the possibility of casting actors like Leo Fitzpatrick, Esteban Powell or Giuseppe Andrews (bear in mind, this was over a decade ago), we started to realize how potentially great this movie could be. Played totally deadpan, it would consist of a flimsy storyline as an excuse to channel along really bad, really juvenile jokes and puns, a sublime accompaniment to weed… er, bubble gum. Shit, I just now realized we invented Adult Swim too.

All said, as awesome as it sounded to us, bitter realization set in that it would be next to impossible to pitch, which naturally didn’t dissuade Mongillo, at one point, from actually attempting to pitch it to a public relations person at Topps. His proposition was met with patronizing but firm bewilderment. So now, a dozen years later, after Eisner ponied up $385 million for the company, he’s making the movie, “as a way to shore up the brand.”

It’s too bad, it could’ve been a masterpiece. Seriously.

Michael Eisner awoke from uneasy dreams with the taste of scotch in his mouth. He’d spent all night with the bottle and a cell phone, trying as hard as he could not to call Disney just to hear Mickey’s billion dollar chuckle one last time.

He reached in his pocket for a piece of bubblegum to clear the stale taste of booze and loneliness. As he unwrapped the bright pink cube, he was greeted by a colorful comic with an even more colorful cast of characters:

My God! he thought to himself. A charming young lad with an eye patch? Women with sunglasses? A mysterious figure with an identity obscured by a turtleneck? I must make a film!

And so the horrible, horrible idea was born to make a Bazooka Joe movie. But who would write it?

From The Hollywood Reporter:

Michael Eisner and his Tornante Co. have tapped newcomer Mark Hammer to pen a feature adaptation of “Bazooka Joe,” the comic strip that comes with Bazooka bubble gum.

Hammer, who this weekend is attending the graduation ceremony at Orange County’s Chapman University, where he studied film, wrote a spec titled “Sonny Takes to Peru,” which made the studio rounds but ultimately did not sell.

That spec, however, turned into a strong writing sample that got him into meetings as well as representation at management outfit the Safran Co. Execs at Tornante, seeking to fill their open writing assignment, liked the spec and brought in Hammer, who gave them his winning take.

Poor, misguided Mark Hammer. Doomed to ruin his career for the notoriously unfunny, ancient evil that is Bazooka Joe.

En el último post que escribí el miércoles pasado sobre la evolución en todos los sentidos del cine de animación ya lo mencionaba: Walt Disney compraba a Pixar en 2006. Ahora, le voy a dedicar esta entrada a ese acontecimiento, a esa unión entre las dos productoras más conocidas dedicadas al cine de los dibujos animados.

En un principio se unieron para producir conjuntamente una serie de películas (de cine de animación tridimensional). Ocurrió a mediados de la década de los noventa, cuando estas dos productoras formaron una sociedad para producir tres películas que seguro que todos conocemos y, la gran mayoría, las habrán visto. Éstas son: Toy Story, Buscando a Nemo y Los Increíbles.

En enero del 2006 ya habría acabado el contrato que unía a Disney y Pixar. Al terminar estos tres proyectos parecía haber acabado la relación entras las dos productoras por disputas y no llegar a un acuerdo en la repartición de los beneficios entre Steve Jobs, consejero delegado de Pixar y más conocido como el dueño de Apple, y Michael Eisner, el que era presidente de Disney en aquel momento.

Disney cambió de presidente por Robert Iger. El nuevo presidente arregló las relaciones con Pixar y tras varios encuentros con Jobs y Ed Catmull (presidente de Pixar) llegaron a un acuerdo mediante una oferta de compra que consistía en la adquisición de la empresa de animación Pixar por un valor de 7.400 millones de dólares. Además, los accionistas recibieron 2’3 acciones de Walt Disney por cada una de las acciones que tuvieran en Pixar. Esto convertía a Steve Jobs en el mayor accionista de Disney con un 7% de las acciones, valoradas en 3.500 millones de dólares, además de ocupar un puesto de directivo en la nueva empresa formada finalmente en el verano de ese mismo año, en 2006. Los demás cargos quedaron así: Ed Catmull como presidente de la nueva empresa creada entre Disney y Pixar; y Jhon Lasseter, genio de las maravillas de Pixar y vicepresidente de la empresa lo nombraron como Chief Creative Office.

Con esta unión, Disney incluyó en su compañía personas con mucho talento e imaginación para futuros proyectos que hoy vemos su fruto en películas como Cars o la nueva Up, porque para algunos expertos de cine, hace tres años la compañía estaba empezando a decaer.

A continuación una imagen de Steve Jobs, mayor accionista de la compañía y el que fue el dueño de Apple (ya que en la actualidad ha abandonado dicha empresa):

SHORTLY after being named #2 on the most comprehensive “Sexiest Men Alive” list, drawing with teen pop sensation Zac Efron, in the list compiled from Who Magazine, ELLE Magazine, Forbes Magazine; Jeremy Shum has been named “Sexiest in Business”. Zac Efron gained his fame through the Disney Channel hit High School Musical.

Mr. Shum is the Executive Director of Miley5! Weekly, which is one of the most popular celebrity gossip magazines on the planet. Mr. Shum has a Bachelors in Commerce (Accounting), and is currently completing a Bachelors in Laws and a Bachelors in Science (Electrical Engineering).

There are rumors circulating that when Mr. Shum completes his degrees, he will move into Walt Disney Corporation’s highly confidential Disney Imagineering departments, after a few years as Marketing Manager with a Disney affiliate. This will be shortly before being promoted to the Vice-President in Product and Development Portfolio that many have believed would be a good fit for him at Walt Disney Corporation’s Consumer Products department.

However, many analysts have noted that his closeness with former Disney CEO Michael Eisner will have him the assistance of “many minority shareholders” but that he would be facing major issues from Eisner’s adversaries during his time, now in the company, including John Lasseter, Steve Jobs, as well as current Disney CEO Bob Iger.

Nevertheless, the policy of electing eleven Directors on the Disney Board, will mean he will only need a 9% vote, with former CEO Michael Eisner, shareholder of 3% of Disney, highly likely to throw his votes towards Jeremy Shum. This would mean Mr. Shum would only need 6% which he could easily pick up through private equity investors, and other familiar pals from the Walt Disney family.

Jeremy Shum has been dating Hilary Erhard Duff as of 2008, after dumping NHL player Mike Comrie for Jeremy Shum. Mr. Shum has received much attention for dating Duff who is two years Jeremy’s senior. Mr. Shum was also childhood friends with Miley Ray Cyrus (then called Destiny Hope Cyrus) and the Jonas Brothers.

Mr. Shum is also understood to have been behind the “Stuff by Hilary Duff” idea, which despite initially received good reception, has found difficulty sustaining ongoing success due to Duff’s falling popularity, in face of younger teen stars Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers.

Duff’s upcoming film Foodfight! has received little attention, alongside independent films Greta, Safety Glass, and Stay Cool; which have market non-recognition. Duff’s Lizzie McGuire on Disney Channel threw her into popularity in 2001, drawing a record 2.3 million viewers per episode.

However, by 2005, Duff released her third album Most Wanted, which was nearing the end of her popularity. For the past four years, she has received little to almost no attention.

Hilary Duff’s success from now-on may seem limited, but her boyfriend is by no mean at the end of his career. Maybe it will be a great time for Duff to have kids now, and for Jeremy to start rising. Who knows, maybe it’s about time we started hearing “Hilary Duff Shum”, or even better, “Hilary Shum”.

Mr. Shum is the recipient of a Harvard University M.B.A. Scholarship which he will begin in 2014.

Editor’s Note: Some projections in this article are made almost nine years ahead, and are exclusively the opinion of the author and may not be that of Who Magazine.

How it was reported:

Related Links:
» http://www.jeremyshum.com/

» http://www.myspace.com/miley5weekly

» http://www.jeremyshumofficial.com/

» http://bestuff.com/stuff/jeremy-shum

» http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Jeremy%20Shum

» http://www.openpr.com/news/54647/Jeremy-Shum-and-Miley-Cyrus-hit-super-high-ratings.html

» http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/740233

» http://loadingvault.com/index.php?q=Jeremy+Shum

» http://demilovatofansite.wetpaint.com/page/JEREMY+SHUM+-+I+Propose+on+My+Knees+(ft.+Demi+Lovato)+Lyrics+-+Teen+Rock+song

» http://www.vimeo.com/1742322

» http://www.rockyou.com/helpspace/myspace/Jeremy_shum

» http://jeremyshummusic.com/

» http://www.6lyrics.com/music/jeremy_shum/lyrics/step_up_2_miley.aspx

» http://www.miley5.net/

» http://www.istardom.com/index.php?star=JeremyShum

» http://www.quizilla.com/tests/9025559/how-well-do-you-know-jeremy-shum

©2009 JEREMY SHUM NEWS

“I grew up Jewish. I am Jewish. I went to an Episcopal high school. I went to a Baptist college. I’ve taken every comparative-religion course that was available. God? I have no idea.”

-Michael Eisner in Esquire, April 2009 issue (p. 122, “What I’ve Learned”)

Jeremy Shum (born November 14, 1989) is an American teenage-themed content producer. He currently studies Engineering Management, and has declined to squash rumors regarding involvement with Disney’s secretive Walt Disney Imagineering department, who are well known to be directly involved with Disney CEO, since the increasing influence of the department since the 1980’s with then-CEO Michael Eisner. He has also failed to respond to media questions regarding a buy-out from competitors Nickelodeon (Viacom) and Apple Inc.

He is well known for his features in various teen pop promotions, and as the host of celebrity gossip website Miley5.net. He is also an occasional actor and singer-songwriter for his children’s entertainment show. Shum was also voted an up and coming star in BOP Magazine.