since sunday we are involved in a 4 day private rave / gathering / symposium with the finest of radicalism from London and Los Angeles (and everywhere in between)

few photos to get you satisfied

be back in a day or two

FG team

Fresh as always

Happy2012 Eis!

C’ya noobs…

—hit refresh-+–

Small autistic details:

An amazing very site specific project ,super skin, third value of the structural beams, frozen columns dancing in the field, sound scape monsters everywhere, plot density ^^93.2% (according to brief), extra pedestrian food supplies straight to you, someone is giving pain here, no joke, diagrams are kiling it, interiorizing the bottom part of the upper cascades, + zaha in the house

Its all about form finding with suffiecient ubiquitous experiments as Tsakas mentioned in the jury

yo yo yo  suckerpunch (+)

********Bonus******

We have therefore decided to share with you a sneak peek of the libraries we use when handing in a super serious competition for some random chinese dudes….

NOTE1 Feel free to “save as” any of the images and use them in your photoshop drawings…

Although not big fans of designboom, we need to to send a big “thank you” to these guys for sharing this killer project (+)

So,

world famous architecture office OODA participated in the recent Istanbul Disaster competition and submitted an actual DISASTER! (hah you see how funny am i? i play with words lol)

we will start with a visitor’s comment on design boom:

“This is terrible.

This is not architecture.

It’s just fitting a program into an arbitrary form, and then wrapping it up with a pattern.”

by Patricio

OODA: “ natural light filters through the facade derived from arabic patterns”

- hah no dude. As soon as you have a hole light will get in + this is not an arabic whatever pattern. Is a grasshoper surface made by your chinese interns in 2 hours using a cube

A new ZARA store will be accommodated in case this entry scoops the first prize (: ,)

Above you can see a new architectural notion. the EGO skin. when you got a perfectly (lol) working building wrap it up with something stoopid and there you go. It probably works better with Arab Clients (thats why we will include in our tags “arab money” for this post)

First year students could fail presenting this plan!

*If someone finds a worst place to place the ADMINISTRATIVE (oh yeah!) OFFICES gets a prize!!

Ok, WHY this FORM?

self explanatory diagram below…

as we started we will finish with a comment of another furious visitor of designboom:

“That is not architecture.

That is Communication.

Have You finish School? ARchitecture?

Perhaps Just 3D and Rhino.”

by Oiza

Ciao see you later

first things first

we dont give a f*ck about our readers (yes thats you im talking about)

If you dont like it around here click on the little “home” icon and quickly jump to dezeen or any other stoopid page u like

For those who want to roll with the boss we’ve added a new “tips” sections so we can quickly aim on our next posts and spread the love (whaaaa?)

Tips to the FG (+)

examples of  furious readers :

Have a nice sunday

The event we have all been waiting for SO long (NOOT!) finally took place!

Architect of the year communicates how stooopid can someone look in a photo + what high rollers architects are supposed to be

We  will not upload photos of the winners cos :

1) we could not be bothered to see who actually won

2)….

who wouldnt kill for this in his living room??

always hot chicks (whaaa?) attend such events since architects are well known players

I once attended the Playboy Playmate contest and the spatial disposition of the tables look EXACTLY like this!

whatever

^^^^^^

whatever 2

^THIS guy is responsible for the event

RESPEC

*NOTE*

we will be shortly announcing our own architect of the year shortlist since we are sure we will not agree with the already existing situation

THIS IS GETTING FUCKIN ANNOYING! Dezeen and architecture have nothing to do one with the other!..unless the latter is celebrating an ultra-mince dimension. Haha…i forgot..too complicated for you stoopid weaklings.! So, if its bigger than my niece’s barbie doll house, or Rem’s (my pet hamster) cage, it will never hit Dezeen Home page.(+)<=== This small cross represents a direct gateway to Dezeens cyborgian portal*

THIS IS GETTING FUCKIN ANNOYING! We found the courage to scroll through 6 whole pages of Dezeen’s minimalistic mafia crap, and 92% of the so-called architecture posts could not even accommodate little Rem’s wheel. I’ve never seen so many “small” projects in one site.! The rest 8% include OMA’s, Zaha’s, BIG’s projects, who are propably sponsoring the site.so they get more square meters published.!

THIS IS GETTING FUCKIN ANNOYING! It’s not that we have a problem with you, but when architecture students get into your site to find stimulation, i get fucking sad…

Extract from this project’s description: “Concept: In a highly built-up area, closed in on all sides, this house offers both privacy and light.”

….

WoW…Such an inspiring and edgy journalism work you are doing guys.!

Let’s check together the scales being handled by Dezeen.

But because you fell in our trap and can not realize the real scale surfing taking place!

Lets make things a bit more easy for you.

all of these humongous projects have all been published in the last ten days.

NOTE1 As FG we believe Dezeen should quit tagging its post under “architecture”

NOTE2 if you want to find some inspiring tags for your posts, dear dezeen staff, you are allowed to use some of our own custom made tags from the tag-cloud(“bitch please” and “threesome” seem to be quite the hit.!)

Wild week this one has been till now..But as you are aware, today is Thursday, and that means its only aggro-style…and to make things a bit more fair, here is a chance for you to gain mutiple level-ups at once.

As FG had previously informed you, we had the chance to attend the -fully packed- conference given by the Maas in Paris two weeks ago(first row bitch!).. we decided to share the vid of the whole thing so you can take some lessons, especially on Backstabbing.with.Discretion 4.03 (please, i know that videos with no animals and no fish-eye lens seem extremely boring to you, but please do your selves a favor)

NOTE1  Stay tuned for tonight’s bloodbath

NOTE2 if you watched the whole vid u have unlocked:

Next time you want to make a project/parody so everyone can have a laugh with please consider the following guide:

a. find a f*cking amazing reference

b. make sure its a piece of work much better than you can ever imagine making yourself

c. make sure you have no idea what is it about

d.or simply follow the steps of a pokemon known as Rahul Vishwakarma from Oxford (cough cough) Brookes

I suppose you are all familiar with the Presidents’ Medal winner of 2009 Nicholas Szczepaniak and his “Defensible Architecture” project.
Anyway, the point is not to praise his work rather than have a laugh or two with all these stupid little bitches that go around crying “ooooh thats just a speculation, ooh dude thats so superficial, arggh I wish i could do something ectoplasmatic for once so i can look cool, pff im a nooob, etc” ….and then end up working for more than a year on a pure copy-paste mode.

—-0— There will be more posts about PM entries of 2011 mainly  composed by “hahah” “OMG” “WTF” or “LOL” comments as done in the past. However here we thought it would be unethical  to not intervene!

- A Defensible Architecture by Nicholas Szczepaniak  (COPY!) (+)
- A Theatre Of Waves: Continuing Profane Rituals by Rahul Vishwakarma (PASTE) (+)

1)Lets see how the design process of Rahul started. He followed carefully the above list and analysed one of his favorite projects as seen bellow

ALL he ever wanted:
was to do something that might look A BIT LIKE THIS !!
IS IT THAAAT BAD??

We can go on and talk about the difference between copying and stealing something but is useless since you bots prefer to scroll up and down than think for a minute. Dont worry the images are self.explanatory

where the f*ck to start and where the f*ck to finish?

If you still dont get that is made of some elements that MOVE and some elements that are VERTICAL and THIN you can read a bit of Rahul’s description (its all about narrative duuuude)

.…..They glisten as salt crystals refract the azure-tinted spectacle.

My feet, pressed against uneven ammonites, throb as I pass motionless Lymers and seasoned visitors watching a passenger-laden boat voyage towards a MONUMENTAL engine. 

Rhythmical mechanical creaking and groaning overwhelming calls from overhead seagulls, as fish/bird-shaped counterweights slowly appear from the sea. Using binoculars I witness gears and cogs tirelessly pumping intertwined machines; silhouettes Fishing, Diving, Chatting, Pointing, and Staring

Bellow: The finest of experimentation. Up to you to check whos the COPY and whos the PASTE

We could continue writing but is sad and have better things to do like: have some tea with Renzo’s wife or even better play fetch with the 3 new interns of Bernard. All we could say is that Rahul Vishwakarma and his fantastic project in the middle of nowhere will not win…..since there are NO BIRDS in the drawings. Its obvious that Nicholas had an edge with his birdy drawings

ciao for now,

Rahul you can either

A.paint yourself blue and jump in the sea
B.read AA’s catalogue for some change this week

Waadup stupid architecture bitcheez?

We decided to share with you a few extracts from THE BIBLE / our own personal handbook with insights on “how to make it” in our field, composed after numerous interactions with firms such as OMA, AMO, MCA, MAD, Foster & Partners, Diller & Scofidio, Zaha Hadid’s left hand (a.k.a Patrick Schumacher’s right hand) and our first internship as chinese slaves in JN’s office.

——o—–

IN MY BOOK :

1.Always sketch and speculate on the train/plane/private jet, while going from one place to the other. These are your most creative moments.   + You look cool

2.When rendering:

a.Always pass at least a day or two testing possible  views and cameras for your 3d scene.

b. ALWAYS save test sceneports.

3.When producing a presentation/competition document, ALWAYS print it as small as possible. Thats when the true beauty of your drawing comes out.

4.Your body must be fit at any time. ALWAYS go to the gym.
(our scouting team reports: that Tobias Klein used to hit the gym twice a day as a student)

5.So must be your mind. Decompress often.
Intense club sessions between work will boost  ur creativity up to 400%

6.Every self-respectful architect wakes up with the following.

a. gay style tea (kusmi, of course)

b. checking emails for at least 2 hours

c. replying to emails for at least 2 hours

d. F5

7. Drugs give you the illusion of being creative and uber cool.
Its a win – win situation!

8.Develop your multi-tasking skills
a.It is said that Peter Zumthor is able to breathe and think at the same time!

b. When Hernan Diaz Alonso is running good can breathe and loft at the same time

c. Bjarke once did a diagram that looked also as a drawing(AT THE SAME TIME)

d.Bjarke again, using a mouse once : rotated, pushed and scaled(1D) his overworked cubic 3D model (AT THE SAME TIME)

 9.There is nothing cooler for your iPhone’s homescreen than one of your drawings/renders.The smaller, the better…

10.If any of you have ever even downloaded Autocad app  for iPhone/Pad admitt it. U r clinically retarded.

11….

+bonus+

Today’s most popular term leading to our blog through Google has been

“architecture bitch”

**SPECIAL BONUS**

how are you my little cyborgian trolls.?
Making fun of other people & their ideas or work is still a cool activity. The whole thing gets to a new level when ur victims do not get your no-life hobby and try to encounter you in a normal discussion. Furthermore, level up^^ is gained only when the victim realizes you are sarcastic but still tries to encounter you in a normal discussion.

We have a very long library of “comment-reply” situations while just posting bullshit to other blogs. Its time we reveal a few examples.

———- o——

1.This little guy updated his blog with his new creation

Future-Giraffes:Well, I agree on the progress idea, but I think your drawing is also helping to reinvent underfund edges of mental/or real spaces. keep the radical work      (hahhahahahah)

Edward Bedinghaus:Thanks for the insight about the undefined edges between real and mental space. Im working on a design project and may have to give that concept more consideration

———- o——

2.This pokemon decided to post the photo of a super radical concept

Future-Giraffes:Im sorry to tell you but these two case studies do not struggle to find their place in the metropolis’ kingdom. They are amplifying probabilistic thresholds so they can survive/adapt in the so called metropolis (hahahahahha)

Giovanni Cervi:Maybe you are right. But i really think they represent our inner life and soul, not just structures (LOL!)

———- o——

3.This pokemon shared with us his recent masterpiece

Future-Giraffes: Great drawing! you have successfully implemented distributed methodologies with your technique. keep up the radical work!

Titirangi Storyteller: Gorgeous! (hahahha)

Cameravagrant: Very cool! Seems like you are multi-telented (WHAAAT?)

———- o——

4. OMG this troll is still sharing useless inventions like a female tie

Future-Giraffes: Wondering if THIS can help to reveal bleeding-edge mapping of the human body? (bitch pleaase)

Pedro Salma: yeahh, that’s right!! (Thats what im talking about hahaha)

** + a few bonus pics **

(jorge THE BULLSHIT!)

(our tag system seems to be working)

(yo)

(neri THE LESBIAN oxman)

hahahahahahah

hahahahhahahahah

hahahahhahahahah

hahahahh

hahahaha

hahahahahahahahahahaha

SUPER BONUS!!!!!

[yes all the above images are entries for the 2011 Zombie Safe House Competition. PLEASE visit their site here (+) and vote a few projects so they CAN DO IT AGAIN NEXT YEAR!hahhahah]

The B.I.G is the probably the guy who read “101 things i learned in architecture school” and got bored. He waited a few years and as a licensed architect now he introduced a new version named:

“3 things i learned in architecture  school”

PUSH

PULL

ROTATE

^^small preview of his new website he kindly asked the FutureGiraffes team to design

+ He is the only avant-garde god who keeps rejecting new technologies and softwares. ONLY ILLUSTRATOR BITCH! Vectors ruleee!

News in: a team member just found out B.I.G.’s secret formula for his super awesome haircut….

+ and a special something for you, our beloved readers…

simply connect the dots…

and

http://www.bofunk.com/soundboards/arnold_schwarzenegger.html

sorry we forgot about that!!

The fact that we are able to kill sharks does not mean that we don’t go snorkeling from time to time.! And this post is exactly that; a snorkeling session where we found a small innocent fish to tease and laugh with.
The fishy is known as “Coffee with an Architect” (click here +)

Apparently the site is so funny/sad by itself that we don’t need to edit or point out a lot of things. Just pay a visit and laugh or feel ashamed that future architecture students may read it at some point. It is by far one of the least stimulating websites having a parasitic relationship to architecture. A stupid celebration of copy paste texts and lists that for some reason should be worth-reading.

The autor in his free time likes to stand in front of ideologies and design masterpieces. He told me so, in an exclusive interview we had online!

——->

“mr.guy standing in front of an ideology” last time i checked the bullshit generator was still ON so why put effort to share with us words like node, symmetry or form?

-its not funny
-no one talks like that!
-we know what “joist” means

how is your GRID now monsieur? why don’t you go work your way up to a T-Square  (hahha how funny am I) NOT!
In my book, thats a proper architects vocabulary! Watch and learn fishy

orchestrate steady-state laminar flows = bullshit
harness ruderal palimpsests = bullshit
synergize regional experiences = bullshit
mesh interstitial programs = bullshit
enable successional recipes = bullshit
urbanize vertical drosscapes = bullshit
biodiversify magnetic scenarios = bullshit
engineer suburban pluralities = bullshit
ducks cry only once = bullshit
extend adaptive urbanisms=bullshit

One more tiny attempt to climb up the ladder and get closer to the KING OF BULLSHIT a.k.a AYYYYAla you will go down in miliseconds

TRUST ME guys, i was about to finish it here BUT I could not resist. I saw”mr.guy standing in front of an ideology” work and projects!!!!! Its always tempting to see how great theoreticians put in action their thoughts! (LOL)

where the f*ck to start and where the f*ck to finish?

A small poll to test your architecture knowledge. If you happen to be a follower of mr.guy standing in front of an ideology you will find the test super-easy!

have a nice friday.!

+++
THE BOSS has decided to add another special event to our weekly agenda;on top of the “Black Sunday” every Wednesday. It will be called something like that:

“one dick one buiding”

stay tuned bitchezzz

]]> http://futuregiraffes.com/2011/10/03/soft-monday-news/ Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:30:18 +0000 420stylezz http://futuregiraffes.com/2011/10/03/soft-monday-news/ First things first,,,,,after some crazy week-end action, gettin’ wasted with Renzo and screwing some of his interns+Paris Fashion Week, we re back for more!

last week’s poll has now been concluded…We thank you all for voting, and the laughs you have offered us…. 

Regarding this Pokemon…

-20% voted for “2nd year site analysis presentation in progress”

-30% voted for “Harvard Grad School MArch student jury” (no comments…)

-30% voted for “The REM at the age of 23″ (lol)

-and a 20% went for “Stand up comedy in action”

And the winner is……………

………………..HARVARD GRAD SCHOOL MARCH STUDENT JURY hahahahahahaahahahahahahaha, true story.

for our beeloved followers we have some confidential intel on these three dudes below….Take a sneak-peek…this might be you one day!

+Bonus+

one of our secretaries showing off uber-skills in finnish adv…..

One of the “one and onlys” WOLF THE PRIX has the honor to be featured in our black sunday special!
His architectural style is widely recognized. Every time I see one of his masterpieces I think of ice cream. Numerous stories exist about Wolf running around in his office shouting:

“WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?? DRAW IT FOR YOU!?”
(refering to his inverted cone)

THE TOM (a.k.a West Side DON) was one of the few to renounce the utility of the inverted cone. Eventually, he got sacked!

Apparently not all architects agree with WOLF THE PRIX on his methods and approach. Pete the EIS was brave enough to stand up against the wolf!

The royal battle was recorded during the crit of a student in Wolf’s unit! The EIS was invited but ended up KICKING THE HELL out of the Wolf. —>

AND HE WON!!!!

HOWEVER!
Peter.the hustler.Cook once again washed us with his light of experience.
It is clear by now that THE EIS and THE WOLF had brought knives into a gunfight.

“The pre-packaged frozen lunch is more important than Palladio”

by,
Sir Peter Cook

As he oftenly shouts when drunk
“Nouvel is my name, rolling is my game!”

(JN doing his thing @Arc backstage)

sneak peak: interview action

 BONUS*

In the case of JN, behind this great designer lies a whole army of Chinese slaves a.k.a CAD/3D monkeys.
We  recently got informed that there will be a sort of REVOLUTION-RESISTANCE taking place in his Paris Headquarters since chinese employees have not been fed nor seen the sun for the last couple of months! Post will come later regarding this issue.

Numerous and difficult “tasks” have to be succesfully fullfilled if you are CHINESE and want to work for JN!

BONUS back2back

Contemporary Greek philosopher based in NewYork  elaborates on the recent trend of starchitects having chinese guys as slaves in their offices!

Finding photos of tom on the net is almost impossible. However we found some super classified material from a jury where the high-roller God from west side was giving his wisdom for free! yes for free; in the name of education etc.

as you can see even Eric Owen Fucking Moss came along to roll with Tom!

Hernan the minimalist is getting angry^^

*There is also a 1hour lecture by THE TOM but i dont think anyone will bother watching it. Is about how he left the small town of Vienna where he was actually designing stuff to join the sci-arc crew, turn into a Level85-Bullshitter and get numerous awards in the way.

One of Tom’s billion groupies

“More than a key..it’s an ‘apparatus’..In a paranoid sense, an apparatus for submitting and being submitted to a large spectrum of interpretations, from self-illusion freak three-dimensional effects. We could consider this ‘suspended time’ as the first apparatus, or , more precisely, how the relationship strategies that are embedded in this ‘moment’ simultaneously articulate knowledge and are articulated by knowledge. The two little girls are looking at the production of their 0wn paranoias, transforming, at the same time, the representation of our own reality. They articulate fiction and reality, by creating through their subjectivities a narration that renegotiates with tangible substances. We are directly confronted with the boundaries of the system, where, from this scripted confusion, emerges an apparatus which is at the same time revealing the absence of boundaries of self-conciousness..“

Francois Roche

..truly inspiring

Jorge Ayala

*The ultimate Bullshit Generator*

-no, seriously, this guy will sell you anything-

*and on top

some HIGH ROLLER ACTION!

[ if you dont already know about it, here is ze link, enjoy ;)

http://www.ruderal.com/bullshit/bullshit.htm        ]

.0

* anyone saw the jury team for this years president’s medals?

-Oliver Richards ; chairman // Edouard Francois //  Alison Brooks ..

..and last but not least, the endlessly charismatic, an  interdisciplinary all-arounder , Jorge Ayala. He is the man behind the Landscape Urbanism theory     -at least so he claims, allthough projects engaging such an approach have been around since the early ’90s- and iconic 21st century buildings, such as the Xian International Horticultural Expo-Jorge and Plasma studio have been running a collaborative approach on the whole LU thingy- project, and the F(AA)shion workshop, a programm initiated by the AA, held last spring in Paris under his supervision and coordination . Keep an eye on him guys…!

Jorge Ayala

+ the ultimate Bullshit Generator +

.1

*just by coincidence,  Jorge “Rivi” Ayala

.2

while waiting with the new entries for this year’s presidents medals to come out and laugh for days and days with some philosophical/pseudo-philosophical blather like:

“…A place where an infinite lives meet an infinite book and their endless attempts to extract and catalogue its contents into an infinite library…”

or

“…The cultural and philosophical position considers Marc Augé’s ethnology of transient space in his definition of ‘non-places’ and depicts a dysfunctional user at the centre of the proposition cast adrift somewhere in the motorway network. The project is both an architectural proposal and a fleeting portrait of a modern life and is a polemic in respect of our modern condition of placelessness and exile.”

all we can show you is:

+
*If you are lucky we might show you a few highlights from final diploma jurys in Paris so we can all laugh or cry together.
Maybe we can write about the chinese people hidden in the basement of Nouvel’s office.who knows