Personalisation on a website is a lot more than  just colours and fonts. It can be a lot more detailed. The best way to explain website personalisation is by using Amazon as a quick example. When a user views or purchases an item on Amazon, the website keeps that data and will look their database for similar items which it will recommend to you. For example, if a customer was to purchase a cooking book by Jamie Oliver, Amazon may recommend other books by Jamie Oliver, or even by other famous chefs such as Gordon Ramsey. It will also look in its database for what other users bought when they bought that item. This can be both an advantage and a disadvantage. For example, a customer may purchase numerous cooking books by different chefs, in which case is an advantage. However, if a customer is doing their Christmas shopping on Amazon, they may just purchase 1 cooking book, with a toy, video game and a CD. This is a disadvantage because they bear no resemblance to cooking books.

I typed in Jamie Oliver to Amazon, and I clicked on his ‘Ministry of Food: Anyone Can Learn to Cook in 24 Hours‘ book, and I noticed on page 4 of the ‘Customer Who Bought This Item Also Bought’ section, that there were numerous books and even a CD which had no relation to Jamie Oliver or cooking, such as Jeremy Clarkson and Take That’s Circus album. Other strange results included Michael Parkinson, The Big Book of Top Gear, Alan Carr, Barack Obama and Gok Wan.

Another type of data like this is the ‘Frequently Bought Together’ section. This selects the item you selected, plus 2 other items which are frequently bought with it, and it shows you the amount of discount in total you are getting if any of the items are on sale or discounted.

Sources:

• Amazon – www.amazon.co.uk

Singer Lily Allen will follow in the footsteps of pop stars Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan next week – when she appears in hit Australian soap Neighbours.

Allen filmed the cameo role on her summer tour of Australia and the episode, scheduled to be screened on Channel Five next Tuesday, November 10, will see her perform one of her songs.

A fan of of the iconic soap, Allen is said to have ‘wasted no time in accepting the offer’ to star as herself in a scene alongside Matt Werkmeister, who plays character Zeke Kinski.

In the scenes, the singer is interviewed on the ‘PirateNet’ radio station before singing 22, from her latest album It’s Not Me It’s You.

Ramsay Street’s Karl Kennedy – played by Alan Fletcher – also appears alongside Allen.

At the time, she wrote on Twitter: ‘Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours. OMFG! Just saw Paul Robinson and Libby Kennedy.’

The show is set in the fictional suburb of Erinsborough, just outside Melbourne and has been running for a quarter of a century, gaining cult status with UK viewers.

And British viewers wishing to follow in the footsteps of Allen can take The Neighbours Tour. The day-long experience takes groups to the real Ramsay Street to see the location of the show for themselves – though visitors cannot actually enter the houses as they are still occupied by normal residents.

Visitors also get the chance to meet a member of the cast of the show. Neighbours has played host to a range of stars from stage and screen including Julian Clary, David Walliams and Michael Parkinson.Clive James has also appeared as a postman on an episode of the show while Morrissey acted the role of a priest on a different episode.To find out more about the Neighbours Tour visit the website (www.neighbourstour.com.au) and watch the video below.

Yes, it’s the return of the big money trivia quiz that makes all other big money trivia quizzes look like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, The Nation’s Biggest Ever Great Big Michael Parkinson Quiz. Will you attain the giddy heights of ‘journalist’, or languish in the lowly doldrums of ‘moaning about the cricket in rolled-up sleeves’? Just answer the ten questions below and you too can discover your very own Parky Rating(TM)…!

- Which of the following was not one of the ‘Famous Five’ that helped Parky launch TV-am – Anna Ford, Roland Rat, David Frost?

- What is the only known record ever to sample Michael Parkinson?

- What film was Meg Ryan ostensibly promoting when she famously blanked Parky?

- Which of the following was not a real Woofit: John Willie Woofit, Gaylord Woofit, Elton Woofit, Sendhil Woofit?

- Which of his notorious obsessions did Parky mention less than ten words into his supposed tribute to Bob Monkhouse: Billy Connolly, Jamie Cullum, Rod Stewart or ‘The Great American Songbook’?

- Who did Parky charmingly describe as “barely educated, ignorant, puerile… a woman who came to represent all that’s paltry and wretched about Britain today” within days of her death?

- After promising to appear on Parkinson in exchange for the moaning sod appearing on the cover of Band On The Run, how many years did ‘Dinners’ McCartney purposefully avoid having to fulfil his obligation for?

- Which chat-show hosting rivals did Parky generously describe as a) “over-contrived… tries to make himself the star of the show”, b) “cheap and silly”, c) “a pair of plastic boobs”?

- And which rival chat show host did Parky ban from his chain of pubs after they made a light-hearted joke about him on air?

- “you’ve been fantastic, enthusiastic”… who had, exactly?

BONUS QUESTION: What’s on after Parkinson?

It’s Halloween laughs galore as Ben Baker counts down The Top Ten Scariest Moments Of All Moments Time Ever (Halloweens) in The Just Impolite Halloween Special.

Because YOU demanded it – yes you, personally, and in writing - here at last is a fan art tribute to Michael Parkinson’s second finest hour (after The Woofits), Ghostwatch!

Golden Flute

25th – 27th October 2009, at the Arts Centre, Hamer Hall.

Presented by the Australian Chamber Orchestra.

…well it was a very close-run thing, but just edging half a point ahead (and actually due to his specialist subject rather than his expert knowledge of the Large Hadron Particle Collider) is A Ben Baker Of Keighley – congratulations on becoming the Out On Blue Six Telly Addicts Champion Of Champions 2009. And here to present your prize is Annwan Glover, TV ”Slim Charles” (Wire):

‘Normal’ Out On Blue Six will resume shortly…

Yes at last… it’s the answers that at least seven of you have been waiting for!

Round 1
1. Eve Myles’ Tits from Torchwood
2. Strain 138 of the Shanti Virus from Heroes (honestly, why did so many of you confidently state it was the Sonic Screwdriver?)
3. The objects next to the Music Box from Camberwick Green
4. Gene Hunt’s ‘oops from Life On Mars
5. Alan Driscoll’s picture of Ant & Dec from CD:UK
6. Dexter’s breakfast from Dexter
7. Little Ted’s drum from Play School
8. House’s cane from House
9. Captain Jack’s Peak Cap from Doctor Who
10. Bubbles’ shopping trolley from The Wire

Round 2
1. Hartley Hare from Pipkins
2. Ant Jones from Grange Hill
3. Hugo ‘Hurley’ Reyes from Lost
4. Roland Rat
5. TV ‘Clown’ (Test Card)
6. Gareth ‘Gaz Top’ Jones
7. Gabriel ‘Sylar’ Gray from Heroes
8. Porkpie from Desmond’s/Porkpie
9. Gwen Cooper from Torchwood
10. Michael Parkinson from whingeing

Round 3
1. 1986
2. Merry Christmas Santa Claus
3. Invasion Of The Honeycombes
4. False
5. The Gift
6. Jaymi Bantok
7. Some children invaded the stage and dismantled Nookie Bear
8. Patrick Troughton
9. Nicholas Lyndhurst’s hair turned green before an important meeting (though Patrick Troughton took up ‘keep fit’ was also accepted)
10. Clarke Peters off of The Wire

Round 4
In order: Hey It’s My Birthday Too, Falcon Island, The Krankies’ Joke Machine, Children Of Fire Mountain, and the Monty Python sketch was ‘Blackmail’

Round 5
1. Mr Rusty, Zebedee, Dougal, Dylan
2. Nathan Petrelli, Gabriel Gray, Adam Monroe, Elle Bishop
3. Proposition Joe Stewart, Ziggy Sobotka, Dennis ‘Cutty’ Wise, Michael Lee
4. Hartley Hare, Topov, Tortoise, Pig
5. Alan Moore, Philip Smith, Spooner, Brenda Rose
6. Peter Hazel The Postman, Mickey Murphy The Baker, Captain Snort, Windy Miller
7. Hubert Davenport, Timothy Claypole, Dobbin, Hazel The MacWitch
8. DC Chris Skelton, DCI Gene Hunt, WPC Annie Cartwright, Nelson
9. Basil Fawlty, Sybil Fawlty, Manuel, Polly Sherman
10. Hugo Reyes, Ethan Rom, Ana-Lucia Cortez, Desmond Hume (though the last two transposed were also accepted)

Round 5
1. A robot from a BBC English Language instruction series
2. A Walk In The Black Forest by Horst Jankowski
3. It was pebble-dashed on the inside (and later knocked through to be ‘like living in a cave’)
4. Spitting Image and Good Morning Britain
5. Precognitive Dreaming (though he dreamed he could fly, so half a point if you said that)
6. Rubovia
7. Brenda, Spooner, Vienna The Cat
8. Head Tomorrow Person John
9. The BBC Schools Diamond music for secondary and primary programming respectively
10. True
11. Professor Humboldt (though somebody AGAIN suggested ‘Cripper’ Wilson)
12. PC Potter
13. The Master Of Zephon
14. ‘Bubbles,’ ‘Thirteen’ and ‘The Haitian’
15. Lancelot Link – Secret Chimp
16. Prisoners who escaped from Level 5 of Primatech in Heroes
17. Shortlisted but rejected candidates for House’s medical team
18. Alfresco
19. The Lost Islands
20. With a poisoned Key Lime Pie
21. He tethered it to a drainpipe
22. Trick question – they all were
23. Ronnie Corbett
24. Psychology
25. Paul, Basil and Rosalie

…and the scores are just in, and way out in front is Eve Myles. But heading the actual results table of the 2009 Out On Blue Six Telly Addicts Hoedown are Robert A. Stanley, a Ben Baker of Keighley, and Garreth F. Hirons Presents Garreth F. Hirons’ Team Featuring Garreth F. Hirons (Garreth F. Hirons), all of whom now go through to the Champion Of Champions round. Lucky contestants, please state your chosen specialist subject in the comments box, and prepare to go head to head…

I don’t know quite when it happened, but sometime in September, I started buying Christmas presents. Not major ones – just CDs so far, in fact.  [As I've previously blogged, music-related presents make great gifts.]

One was found when I was looking through the racks for something else entirely, and it occurred to me that this CD – Michael Parkinson: my life in music – has exactly the sort of music that my father-in-law likes – classic jazz standards and the like; lots of Sinatra. Rather than return for it closer to Christmas, when it might not be there (it was the only copy in the store) I decided to bag it now.

The second one is an Elvis CD. My mother-in-law mentioned recently that, when she was growing up she was a big Elvis fan, and much prefers his music to that of The Beatles. So I’ve been looking for a copy of Elvis 1s – but oddly, couldn’t find it in any music stores, even though it’s only a couple of years old. Which was probably a good thing, in the end: I snagged a brand new copy on an internet auction site, for about two-thirds of the price I would have paid in a shop.

So, that’s the beginning of it.

Things I most definitely do not need to see first thing in the bloody morning as I come downstairs to prepare some breakfast:

“Ahberberber have you considered being a miserable old bastard who is always moaning about something or other which means absolutely nothing to anyone but myself and Billy Connolly ahberberberberYorkshireman Cricket The Woofits Go To Guantanamo Bay and use the money to buy Sky Plus aheberberberber Katie Melua…”

Better now.

I’m a little grumpy today. Blame my body. My hair is between lengths, my clothes between washing and my weight somewhere between plump and obese. But I have finally come into fashion. Eighties fashion. I can’t do anything AT ALL with my hair at the moment so the Hub suggested I blow it back, which I am doing. It’s the Eighties Big Hair Look and I keep receiving compliments, which would make me laugh if it didn’t reveal that my hair was more than awful before. And can you tell me: why do diets make us gain weight? Do you think it could be the chocolates and crisps I reward myself with after a good day eating for health? The Hub’s no help. He says he loves me whatever size I am and he doesn’t mind if I lose weight or not, so long as I’m happy. How selfish can you get?

I blame his Dad, who was the Hub’s greatest influence and inspiration. You know how musicians and actors are asked to name their influences? ‘Definitely The Beatles in their White Album period, Michael.’ I hope I become famous before Parkinson dies; my last ambition – apart from losing weight, of course; and driving again; and to finish a sentence in less than ten words – is to be interviewed by Parky before he snuffs it. As he’s in his seventies, which is when I started watching his show as a teenager, I’d better get a move on finding some talent and then becoming famous for it. And he’ll have to come out of retirement. I’m sensing that the odds might be against me. My influences are The Two Ronnies. Ronnie Barker because he plays so beautifully with words, and Ronnie Corbett because he meanders from the point, goes off on a tangent or two, and then comes back with the punch line. Obviously, I can never aspire to their dizzy heights – or height: RC is smaller than me, and that’s not easy – but you must see the influence in the way I wangle my words and mangle my posts.

The Hub is afraid of being haunted by his father’s ghost if he says something about my weight. Years ago I was on a diet and I instructed the Hub to remind me not to eat junk, or he’d be for it. We were at his parents’ flat and I was about to stuff a chocolate in my mouth when the Hub said, ‘Don’t eat that, Sweetie,’ or maybe it was, ‘Don’t eat that sweetie’; it can’t have been ‘Don’t eat that sweet E,’ because we don’t do drugs, and will kill our kids before they kill themselves, if they ever do any drugs whatsoever.

Are you still still with me?

Anyway, the Hub had barely opened his mouth at sight of my opened mouth when his Dad, the most placid and easy going of men, jumped down the Hub’s throat (not literally: he got quite chubby from his middle age onwards; he was always complaining that his trousers shrank in the wash; I believed him for years, and never questioned the anomaly of the World’s Greatest Housewife – no irony, the Hub’s Mum made Monica Geller look like a kitchen slut – would make a simple mistake with her washing and shrink something) and raged at him, ‘I hate men like you! Always going on at your wives to lose weight! Leave her alone! There’s nothing wrong with her!’ Or words to that effect. I was too busy laughing on the floor and choking on my chocolate to come to the Hub’s defence. It was the only time I have seen the Hub lost for words. It is a memory I will cherish for ever.

© Tilly Bud and The Laughing Housewife, 2009

Parky the legendary chat show host will be coming to Perth on the 20 October 2009 at the Perth Convention Exhibition Centre.                                

Parky - The One-Man Show

Michael Parkinson will be sharing his greatest moments, his love of music and sport and sharing the events of his fascinating life, live on stage in his one man show.

Venue  :  Riverside Theatre – Perth Convention Centre – www.pcec.com.au

Admission Price  :  A Reserve $139.00 p/p     B Reserve $89.00p/p   

Events contacts  :  www.ticketek.com.au

Phone  :  132 849

Related Link  :  www.parky.com.au

I see that Michael Parkinson has confirmed my suspicions about the selection process for appearing on Who Do You Think You Are.

He was turned down because his family  were “On my father’s side miners and farm labourers; on my mother’s railwaymen and domestics” – thus too boring to appear on the show.

So Michael Parkinson’s been turned down for Who Do You Think You Are? for not having interesting enough ancestors, then? Well, the production team clearly didn’t look hard enough because, thanks to the time-bending exploits of one Peter Petrelli, Out On Blue Six can now proudly unveil the following world-changing members of the Parky family tree:

Parkinsus Parkinsus – grumpy serial defecting strain of neanderthal man, believed by experts to be responsible for a series of cave drawings of anthropomorphised dogs.

Michel P’Arkinson – leading figure in the Enlightenment, famed for his ‘chat lectures’ which would often see him guffawing into his jacket cuffs as Diderot told some unfunny jokes.

Charles Parkwin – pioneering anthropologist whose studies of the evolutionary process took him to a remote Australian island, where he discovered a species of blue glittery birds; one of these attacked him but he remained consumate and professional, unlike Jonathan Ross who would have asked for a million pounds and not been consumate at all.

Parceau Parceau – leading exponent of mime artistry, whose journalistic grounding ensured that his supervision of classes of celebrity mimes was never mistaken for cheap, celebrity-obsessed throwaway entertainment.

Motorin’ Mike Parkinson – pioneering radio DJ in rock’n'roll-era America, who ignored Elvis, Gene Vincent and company in favour of ‘the very best in music’, ie yet more Glen Bloody Miller.

Just caught this re run of Robin Williams on the UK talk show Parkinson. Williams is completely manic, an absolute comic genius. But what is it they say about the the thin line between genius and madness?

Part One

Part Two

THE BEST documentary film has all the qualities we appreciate in feature films: drama, excitement, suspense and a vivid appeal to our imagination. Films that content themselves merely with imparting information are the ones we forget. The following films I would rate as among the best in that genre that have come my way.

Hollywood (Kevin Brownlow 1980)
This beautiful and moving tribute to the art of the silent cinema features many interviews with film makers active 1910-1929 and restored footage from films of that period. It’s also a portrait of America at a time when anything was possible. The best film on the cinema ever made. On laserdisk and VHS tape (if you’re lucky).

Cosmos (Carl Sagan 1980)
There will be those who will say this series is out of date, but if you want a grasp on what it means to live in a universe of incalculable size this will take your breath away. The sheer imaginative scope of this series has never been excelled and is not likely to be. On DVD.

The Power of Myth (Joseph Campbell 1988)
Joseph Campbell was a man who could fill every word he spoke with meaning. While Bill Moyers asks the questions we all ask and cannot answer Campbell draws on his incredible knowledge of myth for some startling observations. Myth contains the wisdom of our ancestors, and Campbell passes on that wisdom in an inspiring way. On DVD.

Phantom India/Calcutta (Louis Malle 1969)
Although released separately these were both edited from miles of film stock Malle and his two colleagues photographed in India. They had no agenda: this was ‘free cinema’. It makes a difference that Malle was one of the geniuses of cinema, and one of it’s greatest cinematographers as well. An awe inspiring portrait of what is still an overwhelming culture for Westerners. On DVD.

And the Pursuit of Happiness (Louis Malle 1986)
Malle manages to say something fresh about the disconcerting, disorienting process of emigration. He made the film shortly after himself becoming an American citizen, and shows how the process of relocating oneself in a foreign culture is in many ways chasing a phantom ideal while also suggesting that, like the founders of American democracy, emigrants bring something vital to their country along with and because of their hopes. On DVD.

In Search of the Trojan War (Michael Wood 1985)
Like Troy itself this film stands at the crossroads of history, myth and clashing cultures and Wood manages to present these elements so that they illuminate each other, as well as providing a fascinating travelogue. There is considerable scholarship on display but presented so engagingly one finds oneself considering the nature of history or myth quite readily. One of the best films on an ancient culture ever made. On DVD.

Legacy (Michael Wood 1991)
Six episodes look at India, Egypt, China, the Americas, Iran/Iraq and the West. Wood’s knowledge, enthusiasm and on the spot exploration make these commonly explored topics somehow fresh and exciting. Through examination of such diverse cultures we learn something about human culture in general and even about human nature. It’s quite inspiring. On DVD or VHS tape (if you’re lucky).

The Human Animal /The Human Sexes (Desmond Morris, 1994 /1997)
Desmond Morris is one of the most knowledgeable and wisest of hosts. These two series show us humankind in context, as an animal species living and adapting in an amazing world of other living things. Morris sprang to prominence as the author of The Naked Ape (1967), but his approach is far from reductionist and can be seen as part of an adaptive approach we all need to make in order to survive. This is enlightening indeed. On VHS tape (if you’re lucky).

Crumb (Terry Zwigoff 1995)
Robert Crumb is an artist of genius and a man of exceptional perception and intelligence. In this film he turns his eye on himself, his family and American society, and the results are excoriating: both funny and horrifying. Surviving childhood abuse, bought up in a dysfunctional family with brothers who, in spite of their talents did not survive, and eventually successful and exploited in the art world, Crumb learnt in a hard school. One of the best of biographies. On DVD.

The Wonderful Horrible Life of Leni Riefenstahl (Ray Muller 1994)
Riefenstahl was many things: famous dancer, popular actress, one of the founders of cinema art and one of the world’s greatest photographers. She also spent four years working for the Nazi Party (at a time, be it remembered, when Hitler was one of the most admired leaders in the world). In this lengthy interview Riefenstahl talks about all these aspects of her career. A rare portrait of a genius. On DVD.

Life of Leonardo da Vinci (Renato Castellani 1972)
Leonardo did something no other human being has been able to do. By reasoning from his direct observation he created scientific principles for an extraordinary range of sciences without reference to any other thinker or writer. Newton acknowledged he saw further than others “because he stood on the shoulders of giants”. Leonardo relied on no one. This film is the most authentic and complete portrait ever made. On VHS tape and DVD (DVD version has 40 minutes cut from the running time).

Documentary film can often give one insight into its subject not by presenting new material but by showing that material in a new light or unusual perspective. The following are all enlightening films.

Who Wrote the New Testament (Barcud Derwen 2003)
This film examines the context within which the gospels and other new testament writings were produced, what and who they were written for and how they’ve changed over the centuries without losing sight of the importance of the writings themselves and the role they’ve played in millions of lives. On DVD.

The Life and Loves of Oscar Wilde (Annie Paul 1995)
Wilde’s grandson and Bosie’s grand daughter are among those interviewed. We gain some knowledge of the harm that was done to Wilde’s family and of the discomfort and regret that still survives today among Wilde’s descendants. Like the Dreyfus case, Wilde’s punishment is an example of prejudice displacing justice and is a case we all need to learn from. On DVD (BBC Oscar Wilde Collection).

Bob Dylan No Direction Home (Martin Scorsese 2005)
The first half of Dylan’s life as presented by one of America’s most famous directors. One of the most adroit integration of documentary material ever made and essential viewing for anyone interested in popular music. On DVD.

Chuck Berry Hail Hail Rock and Roll (Taylor Hackford 1987)
Berry’s 60th birthday celebration as organised by Keith Richard shows him able to outplay and outperform some of the world’s best rock musicians who come along. An alert, edgy personality who can reflect that he was descended from slaves and did not fend much better himself in his early career, Berry sheds new light on the evolution of rock and roll, of which he was a founder On a 4 DVD set.

Helen of Troy (Bettany Hughes 2005)
An impossible attempt by Hughes to evoke what it was like in war and peace in Bronze Age Europe, this film is broad in scope, and shows that what is important is not the answers you find but the questions you ask. Stimulating. On DVD.

The Story of India (Michael Wood 2007)
Wood has bought history to life in many series, most notably in dealing with Alexander the Great and William Shakespeare. Here he attempts to deal with the land of many cultures, races, languages and religions, one of the most dynamic regions on earth. The result is exhilarating. On DVD.

Don’t Look Back (D A Pennebaker 1967)
Dylan on tour in Britain in the mid sixties. This is a depiction of a major change in popular culture as it was influenced by one important individual, shot while it was happening. Shows Dylan at his creative peak. On DVD.

Leonardo da Vinci (BBC 2004)
A composite of dramatic re-enactment, readings from the Notebooks, reconstructions of Leonardo’s machines and interviews with scholars, this film has spectacular photography and great music, and some innovative insights to make, such as Leonardo’s ‘mistakes’ in his technical drawings which experts reconstructing the machines have to decipher before they can make a working model: an early copyright device. TV.

The Ancient Egyptians (Tony Mitchell 2003)
A presentation of several episodes from Egyptian history told with rigorous attention to detail. Actors speak a reconstruction of the ancient Egyptian language, costumes are those from wall paintings, chariots made authentically. This is as real as can be. Each story is an involving, well acted drama. On DVD.

Dancing in the Street (Karen Walsh 1995)
The history of rock and roll, told by the people who made it. Looks at origins, styles, big names, trends and influences. There may be some gaps, but generally it’s a story told with energy and great flair. Most people will only be familiar with some of the material covered and so it can be recommended for all. On VHS tape (if you’re lucky).

Wasn’t That a Time (Jim Brown 1982)
The Weavers were giants of the American folk scene, appearing out of the left wing workers’ movement that had inspired Woody Guthrie. They became hugely popular recording stars until McCarthyism put an end to their career. This is the story of their reunion concert. Lee Hays was dying (he died the year after the concert) but you wouldn’t know it from the wisecracks, Ronnie Gilbert’s voice is as sweet as ever, Fred Hellerman is as smooth and urbane, Pete Seeger as dynamic. Sit back and listen as these four old folk show you how to get a full house Carnegie Hall crowd to their feet. On DVD.

In Search of Mozart (Phil Grabsky 2006)
There are some who feel that Mozart was one of the most gifted individuals who has ever lived. This film won’t disappoint them. You can listen to some of the world’s most gifted performers talking of what they feel while playing Mozart’s music. Some are close to tears while they speak, truly moved by the music. The film also makes an effort to chart Mozart’s development, excerpting music in chronological order of composition. It is an astonishing story of the rapid development of a genius of the drama who expressed himself in musical forms. On DVD.

On Cukor (Robert Trachenberg 2000)
This film builds up a portrait of one of the greatest of Hollywood directors by interviewing those who worked with him and those who loved him. A gay man who survived an era of intolerance in such matters, Cukor was a generous man with a light touch with actors, a warm and loyal friend and the creator of some of Hollywood’s greatest films. A very touching portrait. On DVD.

Parkinson (Michael Parkinson 1971)
Talk shows don’t get any better than Parky’s; viewers and TV personnel both vote Parkinson as among the top 10 best TV shows ever made in Britain. Notable for the many famous people who have shown a human side of their personality in response to Parkinson’s warm interest in them. An especially valuable resource for those interested in the arts for the many key figures in literature, cinema and the stage who appeared on the show. TV.

As the post below this one, about the peculiarities of BBC children’s continuity, has proved to be the most widely critically acclaimed Out On Blue Six rambling since that one about The Beatles thwarting plans to ‘rob’ Penny Lane, it’s well worth shamelessly capitalising on this by doing the odd occasional further diversion into the murky world of continuity (though happily free from the usual mouth-frothing about immingrants and Benny Hill and Michael Parkinson remaining ‘consumate’ after being bitten by Emu that usually seems to accompany discussion of continuity for some reason).

This time, it’s the turn of what you’ve all been waiting for… Programmes For Schools And Colleges! Illustrations as ever courtesy of the fabbo Sub-TV:

We start off right back in the mists of time, the 1950s to be precise, when ‘Telesnap’ maestro John Cura was clearly still perfecting his art as he hadn’t yet realised that we don’t actually need to see the TV around the image too. And note that it’s a ‘normal’ TV rather than one of those school-favoured ‘Big Tellies’ with shutters on the front, which probably has something to do with rationing. Anyway, this is what schoolchildren would have seen back in the days when Elvis Presley was only allowed to be seen on TV from the knees down and the Birds Eye Teddy Boys were waiting around the corner to administer a good kicking to Professor Quatermass, and it’s… well, what is it exactly? There’s the words ‘BBC Television For Schools’ and what appears to be a partial closeup of a planet, straight out of a Gerry Anderson title sequence. Lord knows what that was all about. Actually, wasn’t there a schools’ TV show around that time called Space School or something, or was that just Andrew Pixley playing a massive practical joke on us all?

Now we come to the first example of that fondly Kate Thornton-remembered cornerstone of every schoolchild’s academic career, the Animated Countdown. If this wasn’t the first one ever, then it’s certainly the first one that there’s really any evidence of – dating from the late sixties, and no doubt causing many a ‘bad trip’ for members of The Waltham Green East Wapping Carpet Cleaning Rodent And Boggit Extermination Association, this took the form of a strobing-friendly Pie Chart which segmentally flicked away as the latest edition of Do Your Blasted Maths drew ever nearer. This was generally accompanied by some upbeat - if slightly clinical sounding – steel band music, somewhat incongrously the work of one Leonard Salzedo, more notorious for penning the bastard scary stentorian intro fanfare for The Open University.

Except that bastard scariness was a key component of this schools-cueing sequence after all, as when there were but sixty seconds left to go, the Pie Chart would give way to this rather unsettling chronometer, looking for all the world like some sort of sinister Cold War version of the Play School clock and doubtless counting down the remaining time until some labcoated creaky sci-fi film experiment into something involving ‘the atom’ goes apocalyptically – or at least rocket-threateningly – wrong. Yet another example of the apparent complete obliviousness of those involved in child-skewed programming in the sixties to realise if something they’d knocked together might actually scare the living daylights out of younger viewers, though actually this may just have been a cunning gambit to ensure they welcomed the tedious academic programming that followed with open arms. Either way, somewhere, Leonard Salzedo and his cadre of fanatics were rubbing their hands in satisfaction.

Anyway, enough black and white-ness. Let us leave that behind with the image of a spinning Patrick Troughton saying “stop, you’re making me giddy”, and move on to the advent of colour and, more importantly, the advent of that icon of our times, the BBC Schools Diamond. Woah yes. Over a two-minute stretch accompanied by Soft Machine-esque prog-jazz (or for programmes aimed at secondary school pupils anyway – never mind the bloody sub-Music And Movement woodwind and percussion variant used for primary schools, which annoyingly seems to be the one that people tend to recall more fondly), the diamond would pulse outwards, then dissolve into a psychedelic shower of smaller diamonds, before disappearing completely. Here it is as presented in its original colour scheme, a subtle combination of black and Sam Tyler Blue.

A couple of years later, and to bring the BBC Schools Diamond in line with current thinking on the BBC Globe colour scheme, it’s been given a slight makeover and become a yellow-and-blue totem of Glam Rock-era graphic design with chunky lettering to boot. With the possible exception of Patrick Mower carrying one of those bags that said ‘SPORTS’ on them, you’d be hard pushed to find a more definitive visual representation of everything that was ‘the seventies’ until Johnny Rotten came along and phoned up Andrew Sachs to call him a ‘Revenge Of The Pink Panther Rotter’. Endlessly watchable (if you are certifiably insane) and usually better than the programmes that followed it, though in fairness that wasn’t exactly a difficult feat to achieve. But what of the famed ‘interactivity’ for the countdown-counting-down schoolroom viewer, of which there seems to be little in evidence here? All in good time…

WHUH?! What the fuck’s going on here? Why would anyone, anywhere ever need a continuity slide of the BBC Schools Diamond? ‘FOLLOWS SHORTLY Follows Shortly’????? At a push, it could just about theoretically have been used at the very commencement of schools’ broadcasting (because, don’t forget, they didn’t have Breakfast Television in ‘old money’, and all that you got out of hours was the Test Card, a blank screen, and the occasional bit of The Black And White Minstrel Show going backwards) to announce that, well, schools’ broadcasting was about to follow, but what would have been the point of that? Would anyone even have been watching? Well, apart from Bawrence of course. Notice also that the diamond is a) suspiciously slimmer than usual and b) has four layers rather than the usual three. There’s probably a very good reason for this, though – ident fans take note - probably not anything to do with Harold Wilson’s stance on the EEC.

And now, it’s the one you’ve all been waiting for – the celebrated ‘dots’, which blinked offscreen as the seconds ticked away and tedious classroom jokers pretending to be ’shooting’ them. Of course, if they were looking for a real laugh, then if they’d stopped their antics for a second they might have noticed that the ‘Schools And Colleges’ bit used to rotate, but would occasionally apparently break down mid-rotation and remain stuck in a skewed position for days on end. Oddly, the ‘dots’ would generally be accompanied by a selection of soft-rock classics, culled from the back catalogues of the likes of Wings, The Bee Gees and Cat Stevens’ Remember The Days Of The Old Nationwide Theme, though surely the oddest – and yet also strangely the most widely remembered – was Bart, an hilariously badly-named FM Radio-friendly guitar instrumental by obscure Creedence Clearwater Revival offshoot post-proggers Ruby. Sadly, not even Wikipedia at its most Citation Needing gives any indication of what the band might have felt about being more famous amongst Brit schoolchildren than American muso ‘heads’

…and that’s your lot. From here, sadly, it’s subtly shaded ‘==2==’ caption slides all the way.

As a sort of semi-canonical sequel to the earlier and surprisingly popular rundown of the eccentricities of BBC Regional Continuity, it’s time to peer into the long-forgotten and shabbily-cut cardboard-heavy world of pre-’Broom Cupboard’ Children’s BBC continuity, with illustrations provided (ie ‘borrowed’) from the ever-brilliant TV Ark:

One of the earliest examples to survive, at least in recorded form, and deceptively appearing on first glance to be doing little more than it says on the ‘tin’, in a world where you can buy tins with that day’s license fee-funded post-school viewing embossed on the side. But isn’t that pretty awful and off-putting colour scheme suspiciously similar to that of the BBC Globe of the day? And what about that choice of programme iconography? On the left we have one child looking up at the Play School house and Zebedee, on the right another gazing in wonder at Scooby Doo and the Blue Peter ship. Pretty much expected emblematic choices for 1978, but it’s an interesting juxtaposition nonetheless. Presumably the boy grew up to become a manic creative obsessed with French film and anything made in a ‘white void’ studio, while the girl grew up to remember Spangles.

Three years later, and we’ve gained a great deal of colour, but lost any discernible hint of anything approaching modernity. Seriously, what’s going on here? Perhaps it’s only to be expected from a BBC that still insisted on foisting ropey genteel derring-do costume dramas on youngsters who only wanted, well, Godzilla, but the whole thing reeks of a dogged insistence that the youth of today were no different to the youth of the twenties, and probably by design rather than accident to boot. Still, nice to see ‘Nice Theme Tune, Shame About The Show’ imported drama about outlawed ‘grog’ being sold to ‘Maoris’ Children Of Fire Mountain represented somewhere. And does anyone know what What’s The Idea! was??

Hold on a minute… Parky? What’s he doing here? He’s got nothing to do with children’s television! Indeed he hasn’t, but the nation’s favourite grumpy bastard is here, in the absence of any other available visuals, to represent the strange manner in which Play School and the various Watch With Mother shows were afforded their own ‘Adult TV’-style continuity slides, seemingly existing in their own universe independent of ‘proper’ children’s television. There must have been a straightforward reason for this, but… what was it??

This puzzling gambit was also deployed for the summer holiday morning schedules, as illustrated by this slide for Jackanory, which interestingly bears the show’s still-inexplicable ‘Tree’ iconography, though that’s a mystery for another time. Back to our current conundrum… perhaps it was some sort of mental height-of-the-unions demarcation issue, with ‘regular’ continuity announcers refusing to touch the special equipment wheeled out for the more regular children’s scheduling hours?

Because they had their own custom-made continuity slides, and while there’s nothing around of the ‘jigsaw piece’ era, let alone dear old Buzzfax, here for your enjoyment is how Grange Hill was heralded under the ‘balloons’ regime. Which would appear to be via a crudely cut out several years out of date cast photo.

What’s going on here then? Some sort of oddly mismatched artwork rendition of what’s on ‘Today’, only lacking any details of what’s on today. Notice too how several of the represented characters had long since sodded off from the schedules, suggesting some sort of cheapskate cut’n’shut of something that had been lying around for donkey’s years anyway.

And at the very end of the end of an era, what was once a familiar sight when the lazily-slung together slides were briefly abandoned in favour of modish (and indeed MODE 2) cutting edge ‘Computer Graphics’ created on a trusty BBC Micro. Up to the minute technology! But not technologically advanced enough to stop the intro animation from being accidentally cued up in the middle of an episode of Grange Hill when Roland was boarding a bus. From hereon in, it’s Philip Schofield and Hogan the monkey all the way…

Sorry for the lack of posts, people, but I’ve been really busy these past couple of weeks with uni deadlines. You know how it is.

But I have some really exciting news… Last Friday the chat show host legend Sir Michael Parkinson came into Nottingham Trent University to officially open our brand new newsroom! Click here to watch the BBC video and interview with Parky.

When asked what he thought of our newsroom – dubbed the biggest student newsroom in the UK – he said: “It’s lovely … Never seen more glamourisation in my life.” I just happened to be in the background doing some work whilst he was being interviewed :]

If you look closely there's me in the background.... haha

Dear Parky, my new best friend

Thank you for echoing my thoughts on Jade Goody, you put it in to words that i never could.

Please don’t go back on your word as other celebrities have done in the past, forced by their publicists and agents to apologise for their wrongs when in their heart of hearts they know what they did or said was right.

Very kind regards

The Procrastination Nation

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In case anyone missed it…

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1168199/Furious-backlash-Parky-brands-Jade-ignorant-puerile-Diana.html