Photo Source: REUTERS/Sukree Sukplang

Elephants form a heart shape with their trunks while the sun sets in the background at an elephant camp in the former Thai kingdom of Ayutthaya,
44 miles north of Bangkok on February 12, 2006.

“We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys (£7.6 million or $11.3 million U.S. dollars) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there… We were supposed to have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over females how will he produce offspring?” – Michal Grzes, who is from the right-wing opposition Law and Justice party

Poland’s Poznan Zoo Director is defending Ninio by claiming that the 10 year-old pachyderm is too young to decide his sexual orientation since elephants do not reach sexual maturity until they are 14.

Jaroslaw and Lech Kaczynski, identical twin brothers and members of the Law and Justice Party (aka the ‘Outlaw and Injustice Party’) have been outspoken about their homophobic views. Lech Kaczynski, the current president of Poland, tried to ban gay rights parades in Poland.

Did these politicians watch Ninio search for Polish Sausages with his Trunk? Due to content, Viewer discretion is advised…

The Pink Passion of a Pachyderm Proctologist

Did you have to look at the new Polish Pachyderm Packaging Plant?

According to Wikipedia, male pachyderms will engage in same-sex bonding and mounting yet, this may not be the reason for the actions of the friendly Pachyderm Proctologist. According to the Wikipedia Bible, young elephants eat the feces of their mother to obtain the bacteria required to properly digest vegetation found on the savanna and in the jungle. Their sterile intestines do not contain these bacteria. The moral of the video story is that appearances can be deceiving… what may appear to be gay in the animal kingdom is most likely a natural instinct needed to survive.

Related News Source: Polish politician fumes over “gay” elephant in zoo, Apr 10, 2009

For your reading and laughing pleasure, you may also like these related posts…

• R.I.M. Equals Restoring Integrity to Marriage?
• Phallus and Homosexual Euphemisms in the New Quiznos Commercial
• Gay Marriage Opponents Naked Online
• Thomas Beatie, Mr. Mom On Steroids
• Mr. Mom, Super Human Transformer

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Miss Moneypenny reporting for the Undercover Times

Pawel is away this week (probably base jumping or something) so it falls to us ignorant foreigners to round up the news. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

1. Jilted at the divorce court

Marriage is a popular institution in modern Poland, more so than many other European nations where spending large sums of money on a white dress and the opportunity to get drunk with relatives you don’t like is a less attractive prospect than it once was. Marriage is so popular in Poland that sometimes Poles can’t find other Poles who aren’t already busy getting married to somebody else. This is where foreigners come in useful. There are approximately 9,000 marriages between Poles and foreign nationals in Poland each year. According to a recent report in Rzeczpospolita, however, a quarter of these may be fraudulent.

For non-European Union nationals looking to acquire a coveted EU-nation passport one of the easiest ways is to marry into one. Sometimes this is done by tricking the prospective bride (or groom) with promises of undying love, but more commonly it’s done by offering a cash incentive. It’s a scam as old as the hills, but it’s a relatively new problem in Poland. Rent-a-brides can earn between 15 and 20 thousand Polish złoty (3,350-4,500 euros) for an afternoon in the registry office. Polish registrars are powerless to prevent the practice since they cannot refuse to marry a couple. Even if they suspect fraud—say, the groom doesn’t know the bride’s name or keeps kissing the wrong woman—they have no powers to intervene. I have no idea if this is actually true, but otherwise the joke doesn’t work so I’m leaving it in.

My darling… do you take MasterCard?

World-weary cynical types might roll their eyes and wonder what the fuss is all about–she gets ready cash, he gets the passport. The major problem with these arrangements is that, very often, the guy swiftly disappears to go and have fun with his passport in some richer EU country without bothering to go through the rigmarole of divorcing the woman first. The woman remains legally married, and therefore cannot marry again.

2. The end of the North-South divide

Hanna Gronkiewicz-Waltzed onto the stage at the press conference to announce that “We have the dosh required to build some more metro Warszawski!”. They have saved some money by tendering things like the Northern Bridge and if you add that to what they had left in the bottom of the piggy-bank as well as yet more of that EU lolly, it seems there’s a chance work will soon start on “Metro II – The return of the hole diggers”. This will surely bring joy to the hearts of those Warsaw dwellers who currently fall outside of the very narrow North-South line served by the first metro line.

Naturally, there’s not enough money to complete the whole of Metro II so for the time being we’re just concentrating on the central section between Daszynskiego on the good side of town and Wileński in bandit country. This means some considerable differences in elevation (consider how much lower Powiśle station will be versus Rondo ONZ station for example) and also crossing the river. Despite, or perhaps because of these difficulties, they think it will be done by 2013.

My guess is that they’re actually hoping this will be a year earlier because the section they are building is, coincidentally, exactly the part needed to get to the new national stadium being built for the 2012 footie championships.

From my perspective, I wish them well as this is exactly the section of metro I need to be able to drag my lazy pupa all the way from Młociny to Rondo ONZ thus leaving a very small amount of actual exercise type walking required at each end!!

3. The Demjanjuk saga rolls on

John Demjanjuk, the 89-year-old Ukranian-born former US citizen accused of being the notorious SS guard known as Ivan the Terrible, is to be deported to Germany. Possibly. Demjanjuk had been living in the United States for 35 years when he was deported to Israel in 1986 to stand trail for war crimes. Convicted on the evidence of Treblinka extermination camp survivors in 1988 he was sentenced to death, and then released when his conviction was overturned on appeal in 1993. Tried again in the United States a deportation order was issued but not carried out since no country would accept him. In April of this year German authorities announced that Demjanjuk would be tried in Germany as an accessory to 29,000 counts of murder. Demjanjuk, who is not a well man, is less than keen to go.

The 1993 Israeli Supreme Court ruling overturning Demjanjuk’s conviction was principally based on doubts over identification. In their written ruling the judges noted “This was the proper course for judges who cannot examine the heart and mind, but have only what their eyes see and read.” They added “The matter is closed-but not complete, the complete truth is not the prerogative of the human judge.”

———————————————————————————

GOING UP

↑ Nasza Klasa bullying
– Two eleven-year-olds have been brought before a family court in northern Poland for messing with a fellow pupils’ Nasza Klasa account. The boys are said to have gained access to the account, added “vulgar phrases,” and then changed the password so their victim couldn’t repair the damage. Hey, that’s how I got into Polandian.

GOING DOWN

↓ Gay elephants
– Ninio the elephant, currently residing at Poznan Zoo, has incurred the wrath of conservative Law and Justice (PiS) party deputy Michal Grzes for not being interested in the lady elephants. “We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” he quipped. According to the PiS deputy, the animal was removed from Warsaw Zoo because it was interested only in other males and was aggressive towards females, hitting them with its handbag (surely trunk – ed.).

““We didn’t pay 37 million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live there,” Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as saying.”

Apparently the elephant, named Ninio, prefers the company of males and will probably not procreate.

A zoo official thinks that Councilor Grzes might be jumping the gun.

“The head of the Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young to decide whether he prefers males or females as elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.”

I’m just glad that the zoo staff had the presence of mind to keep this guy clear of the Ape House on his way out of the park. We wouldn’t want him to witness a male chimp grooming one of his comrades. The Councilor might claim that the ape is the hairdresser of the bunch and ask for his banishment into the wild.

This guy needs a hobby.

Maybe he should write a humor blog.

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE53923220090410