"The Elephant in the Room"  

"TIME’S UP!"

TODAY’S TIME’S UP! WRITER

Susan Murphy Milano

SEARCHING OUT SOLUTIONS FOR VICTIMS OF CRIME

By Susan Murphy-Milano

Society provides wellness and support for those whom are survivors of various types of illiness, but what about crime survivors? Everyday, people are impacted by violent crimes such as rape, robbery, felony assault, hate crimes, domestic violence and child abuse. For victims of crimes they require healing that goes deeper than simply bringing the person responsible to justice. Crime survivors often find themselves grappling with difficult questions: How am I suppose to move on with my life? What will happen next? Will I ever feel safe again? Where can I get information? What are my rights? Who will simply listen to me and respect my feelings and decisions? Why is surviving a violent crime always the silent "elephant" in a room?

HOW TO SUPPORT A SURVIVOR OF CRIME

Ask them to talk about what happend to them. Listen and support what they are sharing with you. Do not offer opinions, judgements or advice about what you hear and read about in other cases or the news. Encourage the person to describe what they: Saw . . Heard . . . Thought . . . Smelled . . . Felt . . .

It is important to tell them they are valued and your caring for them has not changed. Tell them how much you appreciate them as a person and in your life.

Simply listen: Listen to his or her emotions as well as the story.

Understand that people communicate in other ways than with their words. Try to understand and take cues from your loved one’s expressions and body language. Maybe they are nervous and figiting with their hands embarrassed by the crime. or afraid you will judge them merely because they are disclosing something they feel is embarassing. Take your hands and hold theirs as they speak to you.

Encourage them to set priorities and problem-solve with input from family and close friends.

Allow time to heal. Don’t tell them to "get over it." Remember that every day they may be re-experiencing the event through dreams, memories, emotions or injuries that take time to heal.

No one expects a broken bone to heal over night, but often people expect loved ones to "get over" trauma after a day or two.

Think of healing as a group issue, not an individual one. As a caring person, you are impacted too. Take time for yourself, be gentle with yourself and with others.

Facilitate support from your church, family members and friends.

Laughter as Ward Foley author of "Thank My Lucky Scars" and Why God Did Not Make Me a Woman Because I have Enough Problems" will tell you humor is the best medicine. Use humor (preferably not about the event.) Try to lighten up if you can. And whatever you do if you cannot say something nice then zipper up your lip and keep it to yourself.

Give hugs daily.

After some time has passed, review what has happened. Concentrate on how each person has changed or grown.

Crime Survivors often lack an appetite. And they will not eat, especially if they are isolated or left alone for long periods of time. Make their favorite meal and eat with them.

Surviving a violent crime takes courage and inner strength.

Plan outside activities, even if it is a walk around the block. Fresh air and excercise are very important.

Look on the Internet and research support groups of crime or assualt. Talk to the person about joining a group or ongoing discussion.

Plants and flowers in a home of a crime victim survivor are also very important. Perhaps create a project and plant blubs and flowers in their yard.Create a garden of items that they might enjoy that you could create on a window sill. It does not always have to be in a yard. Consider asking the church for volunteers to help with things from their garden that a person might enjoy.

Crime Victims deal with the aftermath three hundred and sixty-five days a year, seven days a week. Providing friendship and hope for just one day is a day less of painful thought and memory in the mind of a crime victim survivor.

POSTED BY TIME’S UP AT 4:56 AM

LABELS: CHERRY SIMPSONS POSTS, CNN, CRIME SURVIVOR, KAREN RAE ELKINS POSTS, OPRAH, PEACE4 THE MISSING.NATIONAL CRIME INFORMATION CENTER, SUSAN MURPHY MILANO POSTS

Technorati Tags: Elephant,Room,Susan,Murphy,Milano,TIME,WRITER,VICTIMS,CRIME,robbery,felony,violence,person,justice,life,Where,rights,feelings,SUPPORT,SURVIVOR,Listen,advice,cases,news,Encourage,Thought,Tell,Understand,words,expressions,language,Maybe,Take,friends,Remember,event,dreams,memories,trauma,Think,Facilitate,church,Laughter,Ward,Foley,author,Thank,Lucky,Make,Woman,Enough,Problems,medicine,zipper,Give,Concentrate,Survivors,appetite,meal,courage,strength,Plan,activities,Fresh,Look,Internet,Talk,discussion,Plants,flowers,victim,yard,Create,garden,items,sill,Consider,aftermath,friendship,memory,CHERRY,SIMPSONS,KAREN,ELKINS,OPRAH,NATIONAL,INFORMATION,CENTER,SOLUTIONS,crimes,decisions,opinions,emotions,injuries,members,periods

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/baltimore-city/bal-md.castillo25oct25,0,6676991,print.story

baltimoresun.com

Living with a mother’s nightmare

Amy Castillo copes with loss of her best friend and his killing their babies

By Tricia Bishop | tricia.bishop@baltsun.com

October 25, 2009

Just a few months after her husband drowned their three children, Amy Castillo found herself standing on top of a mountain during a Christian missionary trip to China, winds whipping, rain pouring down.
She asked herself a question: "Can I live with this?"
A long time passed before she could honestly answer.

The man she once playfully called "sexy thing," who swept her off her feet and quickly became her best friend, had gradually vanished over the past five years. In his place was a manic, suicidal stranger who spent entire nights at Baltimore strip clubs, blew thousands of dollars in wild shopping sprees and accused her of being self-righteous and manipulative.

A "wolf in sheep’s clothing" was how he described himself, a longtime family friend said.
On Saturday, March 29, 2008, Mark Castillo showed up at Amy’s modest Silver Spring house, which they once shared, to pick up their children for a scheduled visit. The couple had been separated for nearly two years by then and were going through a difficult divorce in Montgomery County Circuit Court.

Mark was clean-shaven and wearing a nice shirt, looking better than he had in months, Amy thought. He loaded the two boys – Anthony, 6, and Austin, 4 – along with 2-year-old Athena into the family minivan and drove north, to Baltimore.
The dark-haired quartet spent the day at the Maryland Science Center before checking into the Camden Yards Marriott. They ate dinner – room service – then Mark set the boys up with a computer game and took Athena into the bathroom to draw a bath.

He held her tiny frame under the water for a full 10 minutes, timed with a stopwatch, until he was sure she was dead. He repeated the act with each of the boys, then tried to kill himself that night with an over-the-counter pain reliever and, on Sunday, with a knife.

When Mark and the children failed to return Saturday night by the court-required time, Amy called the police twice and once again Sunday morning. But she was told there was nothing they could do. Call back if the family didn’t show up by Monday.

Then, sometime Sunday afternoon, an officer came to her door. "Come with us, we found everyone," he said.
Amy felt relief first, then a sliver of "gotcha" as the officer drove her and her friend, Cheryl Wharton, to the Baltimore police station. She might be able to use this out-all-night stunt against Mark in custody proceedings, she thought.

It wasn’t until hours later that she learned her children were dead.
Standing on that mountain in China, beneath a callous monsoon sky, Amy didn’t know if she had the strength or will to survive her grief. If she died, she would be reunited with her children in heaven. If she lived, there would be more pain: Mark’s trial, the empty house, an unknown future.
She thought hard and opened her mind to God.

Good, bad dogs

In a two-hour interview six days after her former husband pleaded guilty in Baltimore Circuit Court to three counts of first-degree murder, Amy Castillo, a 44-year-old pediatrician, recounted the details of their lives together. It was Oct. 20, which would have been Austin’s sixth birthday.
Mark used to say that there was a good dog and a bad dog "fighting" inside him, and he had to remember to feed the good dog, Amy said. But often, he forgot.

Even after he confessed to the killings, he led the courts in circles, claiming insanity, then clear-headed health. He fought the divorce he asked for, and argued with judges and his attorneys. His plea itself was a surprise, willingly accepted by the judge, who also recommended that Mark be allowed to serve his time – three life sentences – at a mental health correctional facility.

Amy’s friends say she still has trouble focusing. She’s on disability and sees counselors three times per week. And her nightmares are still strong, worse now after fresh details about the deaths appeared in the newspapers.
But she’s learning to cope and even forgive, she said, as God has forgiven her.
"I could always have one foot in the grave, and I sometimes want to," she said. But her faith, her friends and her family won’t let her. "I have a good base."

‘I flip 4 doc’

Amy grew up in Alexandria, Va., with good, solid parents. Her mother died a few years ago, but she still leans heavily on her dad, who gives her faith in men even now, she said.
At 15, she made up her mind to follow Jesus.

She graduated from the Medical College of Virginia in 1991 and went on to a pediatrics residency at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston, where she would soon meet her future husband, a traveling gymnast passing through town.

Mark Anthony Castillo was born the third of five children and raised in East Los Angeles by his mother, who disciplined him more than her other children, he once told a psychologist. That evaluation report is filed in a Montgomery County court. In it, he claims to have an IQ of 140.

After high school, Mark enlisted in the Air Force and was stationed in Missouri. He said he was discharged honorably in the third year of a four-year tour because of problems dealing with authority. He was diagnosed by a military counselor as having "narcissistic personality disorder."

Mark’s first marriage, which occurred while he was in the Air Force, lasted two years before his wife filed for divorce. (Their daughter, now 21, lives in Kansas City, Mo. Over the next decade, he would hold a series of jobs, according to the medical report, "working as a mailman, owning a flower shop, and dealing cards on a riverboat."
He dated a lot but had no substantive relationships until he met Amy in the summer of 1997 at a recreational volleyball game in Charleston. His smile got her.
He was doing trampoline shows around the country at the time, stopping in South Carolina on his way to a job in Minnesota, which he gave up to stay and woo Amy. "Iflip4doc@…" would become his e-mail address.
They were engaged within six months and married within eight, on Feb. 7, 1998.

‘He disconnected’

Amy got a job as a pediatrician with Kaiser Permanente and, in 1999, returned with Mark to the Washington suburbs. Mark supplemented gymnastics teaching with computer jobs.
They joined the Forcey Memorial Church in Silver Spring and made friends in the Bible study group, particularly the Rev. Zeke Wharton and his wife, Cheryl Wharton.
The athletic couple also kept up with volleyball until Amy became pregnant with Anthony in 2001 – a welcome surprise.

She was 36 and they’d always wanted three children, so it was time to get started, she said. They found out about the pregnancy as they were planning a scuba-diving trip to Papua, New Guinea, as a sort of belated honeymoon.
After Anthony, Amy had two other children, each two years apart in age, though she had miscarriages in between. She was on bed rest for five months at a time when she was pregnant – and working 11-hour days when she wasn’t – leaving Mark to take on more responsibility within the home.
"It was a big stressor for him," Amy said.

Mark would later say that he thought Amy was not supportive of his efforts.
His personality began to change when she was pregnant with Austin in 2003, Amy said. He started blowing money, quit going to church and talked about dying.
"He disconnected," Zeke Wharton said.
Amy thought maybe he was bipolar, shifting between manic highs and depressed lows. She remembers printing out an article on the disorder and giving it to Mark, who rejected the idea.

The Whartons and other friends tried to intervene, holding a formal meeting with Mark, a sort of living-room intervention, to help him see that his behavior was abnormal. It was a polite gathering that went nowhere.
"He had great respect for what we had to say," Zeke Wharton said, but Mark didn’t believe he had mental health problems. "There was no way he would go" to a counselor.

Disdain for sleep

Mark claimed he no longer needed sleep, and he would stay out all night at Baltimore strip clubs, coming home at 5 a.m. on days when he was supposed to watch the kids, Amy said. She began to fear he would harm the children through negligence – or purposely, when he wasn’t thinking right.
By mid-2006, when Athena was 8 months old, Amy said she asked Mark to leave, thinking that might be the wake-up call he needed to snap out of it, or at least get help.

He drove around the eastern half of the country for weeks, staying with various people, and then returned to Virginia, where they reunited briefly.
On June 23, Amy wrote him an e-mail saying she missed her best friend: "I wish that you would make Mr. Hyde give him back!"
Eventually, she took the kids to her brother’s house in North Carolina so that she could think and they would be safe. Then Mark called on June 29, 2006.

He said he was in Room 208 at the Days Inn in Ruther Glen, Va., and that he was going to kill himself with supplies, including ant poison, bought from a local Home Depot. Amy called police and the hotel front desk, put the baby in the car and headed north, toward home.

Mark was taken into custody and committed to a mental health center in Fredericksburg, Va. The Whartons and Amy testified before the doctors at the commitment hearing about Mark’s behavior, thinking this was their one shot to get him help. But he was released after six days.

‘He disowned us’

"They just put him out on the street," Amy said.
"And that’s when he disowned us," Cheryl Wharton added.
On July 19, Amy filed a complaint and emergency motion for sole custody of the children, but the courts would never see him as a danger. She worried. She would sometimes hide the children with family friends.
Mark became extremely bitter toward her, certain she was running a campaign to make others think he was crazy.

In e-mails, Mark told Amy that his "odd behavior" at the strip clubs was based on a death wish and implored her to stop harping about the money he spent because he "was worth a million dollars to [her] dead" through insurance.
"I will never forgive you for the length you went to, to try to have me committed … and have no desire to work out our relationship," he wrote.
He filed for divorce from Amy after she filed the custody motions, and their battle heated up. That court file is now six folders thick, full of family e-mails, financial documents, letters from friends and various motions.
They were both run ragged. Amy sometimes slept under her desk at work and worried that she, too, was losing it.

"I could tell he was really falling apart," Amy said. "I felt like we both were."
At Christmastime in 2006, the Castillos filed for protective orders against one another.
"He has never actually hurt [the children]," says Amy’s handwritten plea, "but did tell me that the worst thing he could do to me would be to kill the children, and not me, so I could live without them."

On that final March weekend in 2008, when Mark didn’t bring the kids back, Amy thought maybe he’d taken off with them to frustrate her. Cheryl Wharton came over to keep her company on Sunday, while they waited for word.

Knock on the door

When the officer knocked on the door, they were both thankful. The women got into a police car and were driven to Baltimore, where they were seated in a room that was under renovation. Amy thought to herself: "The boys are going to tear this place up" when they arrive.
She was asked about the van and who had the title. Then the officer told her this: "All of your children are dead, and your husband tried to kill himself; we’re not sure of his status."
Silence.
Screaming.

It seemed as if days passed until Amy’s cries slowed. She hung her head in her hands and asked aloud: "What am I supposed to do now?"
Cheryl Wharton, in shock, called everyone who needed to be called, and they went home, to a lawn full of reporters and a house full of friends and family, who cared for Amy and each other over the next year and a half.

Much of it was a blur of grief counseling, divorce court (the final decree was not given until late last year) and suicidal thoughts. There were extraordinary conversations with God when she was alone late at night and still the everyday routine of going to the gym, playing the violin, finding small joys.

And there were those drawn-out criminal trial dates, when she had to relive the details of her children’s deaths. They came to an abrupt end 11 days ago, when Mark Castillo offered a surprise guilty plea.
Amy talks about taking action against the courts for not listening to her, but she’s not certain she will. She wants mental health disorders better recognized and has sorted through her every action she took to make sure she did all she could to save Mark and herself.
"She fought with every fiber of her being," said cousin Holly Rowe.

In Amy’s entryway is a panel of cracked glass that’s still sealed with duct tape. She broke it by slamming the front door during an argument with Mark. Wooden masks from her belated honeymoon to Papua hang on the wall, alongside souvenirs from other trips abroad, some just for the adventure, some for missionary purposes.
And in Amy’s hallway, above the steps leading to the bedrooms, family photographs still hang, even the ones with Mark. Friends removed them after the deaths, but she put them back. He was part of her life.
"We had some great years, some really great years," she said, seated on her living room sofa.

Looking ahead

But she’s also looking toward the future. She’s taking a trip to Israel next month and trying to rebuild her career as a pediatrician, spending half days with patients when she’s able to.
She went to an AC/DC concert days after Mark pleaded guilty, followed by paint ball with a man she’s dating. She casually says she could move to a new house, leaving the children’s preserved rooms behind, if she were to "get married again."

Her friends see these as signs of hope.
"Her story’s not over," said Zeke Wharton. "It can still have a good ending."
Next to Amy on the couch rest two photos of Austin.

She won’t go to his grave to honor his birthday; it’s "too depressing." But she’ll spend time gazing at pictures. In November, she’ll do the same for Athena, and in December for Anthony, on their birthdays.
And though she still looks forward to being reunited with them when it’s her time, she’s no longer in a rush.
She has a commitment to keep, made to herself on a Chinese mountaintop more than a year ago, when she realize

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Press Release

For Immediate Release:

Kansas Special Committee for Children to ask victims of SRS/CPS and their private contractors some very hard questions

Topeka, Kansas November 30, 2009

When several public officials were bombarded with concerns regarding the removal of children from their homes and most often placed in abusive homes for financial gain, The Kansas Senate has formed a ‘special committee’ to listen to the stories at the state capital.

The meetings will be conducted on Monday, November 30, 2009, and Tuesday, December 1, 2009, at 9:00 a.m. in Topeka, Kansas at the capitol building room 545. All Kansans are encouraged to attend these public hearings.

The agenda for Monday and Tuesday follows;

Private Citizens Testimony Order: 

Deb

Kari

Cynthia

Marilyn

Clarence

Sadie

Claudine Dombrowski

Larry

Kathy

Bambi

Valerie

Undisclosed Speaker

Monday November 30^th

9:00    Statement by the committee chairman

9:15    Current Policies and Procedures

10:30  Private Citizen Testimony

12:00  Lunch

1:30   Continue private citizen testimony

4:30   Response from SRS representative TBA. Inquiries & documentation to final decision makers at SRS

5:00   Adjourn

Tuesday December 1^st

9:15    Current Contractor Policies and Procedures

10:30  Presentations – Katrina Osterhaus, post audit

           Foster care reviewing, CINC reviewing

12:00  Lunch

1:30    Contracting irregularities, Johnson County development

           Support, CDDO funding example

2:30    response SRS rep. TBA

3:30    Further Committee Discussion

5:00    Adjourn

.

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Patrick Stewart: Repeated Domestic Violence Against His Mother and the Legacy of Witnessing It

Filed under: Activism, Best interest of the child, Child Abuse, Children and Domestic Violence, Children who witness abuse, Children’s rights, Civil rights, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Good dudes, Hate Crimes, Human Rights, Intimate Partner Assault, Patrick Stewart, Violence against women — justice4mothers @ 1:10 pm

Another classy guy, Patrick Stewart wrote this article about the childhood filled with domestic violence against his mother.  From The Guardian (UK):

Patrick Stewart: the legacy of domestic violence

As a child, the actor regularly saw his father hit his mother. Here he describes how the horrors of his childhood remained with him in his adult life

Patrick Stewart as a baby with his mother Gladys. Photograph: Collect

My father was, in many ways, a man of discipline, organisation and charisma – a regimental sergeant major no less. One of the very last men to be evacuated from Dunkirk, his third stripe was chalked on to his uniform by an officer when no more senior NCOs were left alive. Parachuted into Crete and Italy, both times under fire, he fought at Monte Casino and was twice mentioned in dispatches. A fellow soldier once told me, “When your father marches on to the parade ground, the birds in the trees stop singing.”

In civilian life it was a different story. He was an angry, unhappy and frustrated man who was not able to control his emotions or his hands. As a child I witnessed his repeated violence against my mother, and the terror and misery he caused was such that, if I felt I could have succeeded, I would have killed him. If my mother had attempted it, I would have held him down. For those who struggle to comprehend these feelings in a child, imagine living in an environment of emotional unpredictability, danger and humiliation week after week, year after year, from the age of seven. My childish instinct was to protect my mother, but the man hurting her was my father, whom I respected, admired and feared.

From Monday morning to Friday tea time he worked as a semi-skilled labourer, and was diligent and sober. Often funny and charming, he was always rich in the personal stories of warfare and adventure that thrilled me. But come Friday night, after the pubs closed, we awaited his return with trepidation. I would be in bed but not asleep. I could never sleep until he did; while he was awake we were all at risk. Instead, I would listen for his voice, singing, as he walked home. Certain songs were reassuring: I’ll Take You Home Again, Kathleen; I’ll Walk Beside You . . . But army songs were not a good sign. And worst of all was silence. When I could only hear footsteps it was the signal to be super-alert.

Our house was small, and when you grow up with domestic violence in a confined space you learn to gauge, very precisely, the temperature of situations. I knew exactly when the shouting was done and a hand was about to be raised – I also knew exactly when to insert a small body between the fist and her face, a skill no child should ever have to learn. Curiously, I never felt fear for myself and he never struck me, an odd moral imposition that would not allow him to strike a child. The situation was barely tolerable: I witnessed terrible things, which I knew were wrong, but there was nowhere to go for help. Worse, there were those who condoned the abuse. I heard police or ambulancemen, standing in our house, say, “She must have provoked him,” or, “Mrs Stewart, it takes two to make a fight.” They had no idea. The truth is my mother did nothing to deserve the violence she endured. She did not provoke my father, and even if she had, violence is an unacceptable way of dealing with conflict. Violence is a choice a man makes and he alone is responsible for it.

No one came to help. No adult stepped in and took charge. I needed someone else to take over and tell me everything was going to be all right and that it wasn’t my fault. I wanted the anger to go away and, while it stayed, I felt responsible. The sense of guilt and loneliness provoked by domestic violence is tainting – and lasting. No one came, but everyone knew. Our small houses were close together. Every Monday morning I walked to school with my head down, praying that I would not encounter a neighbour or school friend who had heard the weekend’s rows. I felt ashamed.

Very occasionally one person would come to our aid – Mrs Dixon, our next-door neighbour, the only person who would stand up to my father. She would throw open the door and stand before him, bosom bursting and her mighty weaver’s forearm raised in his face. “Come on, Alf Stewart,” she would say, “have a go at me.” He never did. He calmed down and went to bed. Now I wish I could take Lizzie Dixon’s big hand in mine and thank her.

Such experiences are destructive. In my adult life I have struggled to overcome the bad lessons of my father’s behaviour, this corrosive example of male irresponsibility. But the most oppressive aspect of these experiences was the loneliness. Very recently, during a falling-out with my girlfriend, I felt again as though I were shut out and alone, not heard or understood. I was neither, but it was such a familiar isolation that it was almost a comfort and consolation.

I managed to find my own refuge in acting. The stage was a far safer place for me than anything I had to live through at home – it offered escape. I could be someone else, in another place, in another time. However, whenever the role called for anger, fury, or the expression of murderous impulses, I was always afraid of what I might unleash if I surrendered myself to those feelings. It was not until 1981, when the director Ronald Eyre asked me to play the psychotic Leontes in The Winter’s Tale, that the breakthrough came.

He quietly told me that the play would only work if I gave myself over, completely and totally, to the delusions, madness and murderousness of this man. “If you do that,” Ron said, “I will be at your side. I will be available to you 24 hours a day.” From that time forward I was never again afraid of my feelings on stage.

The truth is that domestic violence touches many of us. It is very possible that someone you know – a friend, sister, daughter or colleague – is experiencing abuse. One in four women will experience domestic violence at some point in her lifetime. And every week two women are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales, and 10 women take their own lives as the only way they know how to escape a violent partner. You are almost certainly paying for it. Domestic violence costs around £26bn a year in medical, legal and housing costs.

This violence is not a private matter. Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone’s silence. Which is why, in 2007, I became patron of Refuge, the national domestic violence charity. Every day the organisation supports more than 1,000 women and children through its national network of refuges and services. At Refuge, women and children are given psychological support to help them overcome the trauma of abuse. A team of independent legal advocates are on hand to protect women at high risk of violence through the legal process.

Thanks to Refuge’s tireless campaigning, attitudes have changed. Police tactics have improved and most men are no longer able to get away with beating women. Yet the statistics still make for grim reading. More than two thirds of the residents in Refuge’s network of refuges are children. I cannot express how sad – and angry – it makes me to think that we still cannot ensure the safety of women and children in their own homes.

Most people find the idea of violence against women – and sometimes, though rarely, against men – abhorrent, but do nothing to challenge it. More women and children, just like my mother and me, will continue to experience domestic violence unless we all speak out against it. You can do this by supporting Refuge’s latest campaign, Four Ways To Speak Out.

Let us know what you think about how domestic violence victims are supported and protected in this country. Email women@guardian.co.uk or write to Women, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU

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An alternative means of conveyance my thirty eight year old Raleigh.

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Shelvin the Curgi

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Being away from home always makes me contemplate my life, how it’s going, what I’d like to change, and what I really love about it.

Life is different here in Iowa. This is a small town. It’s very quiet. Everybody knows everybody, literally, or they know at least one of your relatives. People tend to stay near home when they grow up. Most of my husband’s cousins went to college in Iowa, and all but one still lives here. The one who doesn’t lives just over the border in Omaha.

There are lots of babies. Big families are normal here. Everyone seems to have at least two children. It’s sort of expected that you grow up, marry, and have babies.

People seem very comfortable with who they are. They seem to know who they are, and they seem to like who they are. There’s much less posturing and puffery. They are also incredibly kind and generous, and wonderful hosts. There is a sort of calm acceptance of their life rhythms and arcs, and it is reassuring. A certainty that things are going as planned.

I want to take some of that confidence and calm back to New York with me. I really love living in a big East Coast city, but all the aggressive oneupmanship can get old and annoying. Everyone is always trying to prove how important they are. There is much less self-assurance and much more stress. I wouldn’t want to live here, but I can see a certain appeal to the place. We are making a new year’s resolution to live with less anxiety and more joy. I love that word: joy. It’s simply perfect.

Freeskier magazine has posted the finalist videos for the annual Salomon Backyard Jib contest.  The setups and skills these skiers whip out further proves that massive elevations aren’t necessary for honing the park skillZ.  In some cases snow isn’t even needed… which just so happens to suit the Midwest perfectly at this time!  Check out the four finalists on Freeskier.com

A Thanksgiving sunrise

Samson’s snoring woke me up at dawn. Good thing! – I caught the most beautiful red sunrise. Isn’t it gorgeous? Five minutes later and I would’ve missed the show. 

This time tomorrow I’ll be on a plane headed east. In about a month I’ll get to meet up with Bethany in Cincy and see in person all the beautiful things she’s been posting. 

I hope you are enjoying good food, friends, and family today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Do you remember air mail? This mailbox was on a ten foot post.

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Stateside Contact: Michael Behm at mjb@stateside.com

MGA released several policy papers at its Jobs and Energy Summit in October. The Platform for Creating and Retaining Midwestern Jobs in the New Energy Economy notes that the Midwest is well positioned to create and retain jobs in a new energy economy, citing its biofuels industry, its well developed infrastructure and its potential for energy efficiency, wind power and significant underground storage for captured carbon.  

The MGA platform lays out several guiding principles for job creation in the energy sector:

• Enact policies that impact the Midwest as a region.
• Build on existing firms and industries.
• Position industry sectors for growth and better competitive advantage.
• Target creation and retention of quality jobs that provide career advancement and support middle-class families.
• Commit to sustainable principles.
• Encourage collaboration between workforce professionals and state entities.
• Identify and nurture private- and public-sector leadership.
• Produce outcomes that are replicable for different industries and regions.
• Encourage measurability and accountability within a framework that defines impacts and outcomes.

The Midwestern Energy Security and Climate Stewardship Roadmap: Advisory Group Recommendations consists of ideas developed by industry, agricultural, labor, environmental and governmental stakeholders convened by MGA to study the region’s energy sector. The roadmap notes that the Midwest, a manufacturing and agricultural center that serves the entire country, has historically benefited from low-cost coal and oil energy. The challenge and goal is to transform the region into “a fundamentally new, lower-carbon energy economy.” To that end, according to the roadmap, the Midwest must commit to:

• Immediate adoption of policies that encourage existing low-cost, low-carbon practices like energy efficiency.
• Modifications to the regulatory framework to remove disincentives for reduced energy use.
• Establishment of a stable regulatory environment for the development of renewable energy and technologies, such as carbon capture and storage.
• Adoption of policies to expedite research, development and commercialization of renewable and fossil energy technologies.
• Large-scale investment in the human capital necessary for an advanced energy economy to thrive, including consumer education, workforce and regulator training and technical assistance for business interests and entrepreneurs.

The Midwestern Energy Infrastructure Accord commits MGA to the development of a “robust energy infrastructure” that will put the Midwest at the forefront of reducing greenhouse gas emissions, fostering energy security and spurring jobs in low-carbon energy development and technology manufacturing. The infrastructure goals are:

• Expansion of electric transmission capacity in support of renewable energy development and distributed generation.
• Adoption of Smart Grid technologies and capabilities.
• Commercial build-out of carbon capture and storage.
• Deployment of refueling systems for biofuels and other advanced low-carbon transportation fuels.

As Thanksgiving weekend approaches I cannot help but reminisce.  My thoughts drift back to all the wonderful opening days spent skiing during this weekend.  In particular, I am reminded of opening weekend age 16.  Being an inexperienced driver it’s hard to forget that time in late November when it was necessary to drive through “blizzard-like conditions” just to ski the first traces of snow of the year.  Now, as I sit writing while wearing moccasins (sans socks!) and one of my lighter North Faces, I crave a weekend of skiing decked out in goggles and winter jackets.

As of Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 10:54 a.m. the snowcam at Tyrol Basin in Mt. Horeb Wis., had roughly a two yard-wide trace of created snow at the bottom of the hill and snowguns lined the entire length of the bunnyhill- a sure sign that indeed there is hope.  So, this weekend, as my fingers remain crossed that snow is in the near future, I will enjoy my food and family-filled Thanksgiving without skiing.

Midwest Adventures- Milwaukee

By Megan

Milwaukee- land of Solomon Juneau, the self-proclaimed first white guy spotted in the area; Leif the Discoverer of Iceland, and of course, a town synonymous with beer.  It seemed ever-so-close to Chicago (my current stomping grounds) and therefore warranted a visit on an early-fall Saturday.  So, my travel bud  and I hopped on a Megabus and drifted our way up to the state up north with dreams of strong brews and delicious cheese.

The first stop was the Milwaukee Public Market located in the posh Third Ward.  It seemed to call out to picnic provisioners and lost souls alike, so we crossed over the bridge and landed smack dab in what my version of shoppers heaven might look like.  I grabbed first for some nutmeg nuts to grind fresh, feeding a recent baking addiction.  And while paying for my delicious treasure, I quickly realized that it was the cleanest market I had ever visited.  Unlike Barcelona’s Boqueria, the floor was spotless.  There were few, if any, identifiable tourists and I didn’t fear for the life of my purse.

It didn’t even smell like a market, but I was soon distracted by a quiet gentleman who helped us pick out a cheddar (a test of the five-year cheddar taught me that I wasn’t ready for that degree of sharpness) and a local muenster, known as the world’s best sandwich cheese (pretty damn good when eaten with raisins too, just so you know).  A fresh loaf of bread and some award winning fire-brewed (whatever that means) root beer later, and our indoor picnic was set.

We stowed the leftovers for later and set out to explore the city on foot.  Neither of us were too interested in seeing the Warhol exhibit at the museum, but I heard the museum structure itself was worth the hike.  It was one of the most literal translations of a boat onto an architectural structure that I have ever seen, except the ‘hull’ was made up of windows over looking Lake Michigan.

It was early afternoon at this point, and the sun called for a nap in the park next to the art museum, so we obeyed. Finally, it was time to get down to business and grab a brewsky.  I paired a Rocky’s Revenge (Nut Brown Ale) with mac’ n’ cheese, and my bud had a famous Spotted Cow.  At the brat eating contest, I lamented the absence of my camera while teams of four scarfed down bun and dogs as fast as possible.  Quote from a contestant, “Yeah baby!  That’s how you eat a brat!”- insert loud frat boy voice here, please.

Brewsky number two was a Furthermore’s Fatty Bombalatty which I enjoyed with even more cheese, which I knew was a lot of cheese, but was seemed worth it- especially since I don’t know when I’ll be back next .  The bus ride back to Chicago was uneventful, except for the stomach ache.  All-in-all, Milwaukee made for the perfect escape form the city, which I would highly recommend, especially the cheese over indulgence.

at 11:30pm, we arrived back home in good old st. joseph.  it’s funny how quiet (read “dead”) it is here when compared with a bustling place like chicago.  now that we’ve seen a real city, st. joseph and even kansas city both feel like cowtown…  oh well, it’s still home, and nothing has changed since we left it last thursday.  now we have thanksgiving feasts to look forward to, plus another week off of work!  all is well.

as for chicago (or, as we affectionately call it, “obamaville”), i would say that it is one of the most pleasant cities i’ve ever been to.  i have little or nothing bad to say about it at all, and although the sheer population density is enough to give an ol’ country boy like me culture shock — and also my feet are swollen from so much walking — i would certainly consider living there one day.

Just ask Lamont Cranston.

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K2 Factory Team member and sick freeskier Seth Morrison didn’t always call Colorado home.  Morrison was actually born in Des Plaines, Ill., where his grandfather taught him how to ski down a sledding hill.  Seth later moved up to the Madison, Wis., area before heading out to the Great State at age 10.  Check his “On The Couch” interview with Freeskier TV, not only is it him describing his ski-bum lifestyle, but there’s some classic early ‘90s footage… and all enjoy reliving that decade!

Friday

Utilizing Studies on Degus May Impair Fathers’ Brain Development by Randi James

I’m sorry, but when I discovered that father’s rights supporters were excited about a study utilizing Degus, I had to crack up. What a bunch of bull. WTF is a Degu?

The implications behind the research are that father-absence may cause neurological deficiencies. Sounds so exciting when you need to boost your self-esteem and prove your usefulness.

This Is Your Brain Without Dad

By Shirley S Wang

October 27th 2009

Conventional wisdom holds that two parents are better than one. Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.

German biologist Anna Katharina Braun and others are conducting research on animals that are typically raised by two parents, in the hopes of better understanding the impact on humans of being raised by a single parent. Dr. Braun’s work focuses on degus, small rodents related to guinea pigs and chinchillas, because mother and father degus naturally raise their babies together.

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Stop.

What does raising babies together mean/entail?

How long do they raise their babies together?

When deprived of their father, the degu pups exhibit both short- and long-term changes in nerve-cell growth in different regions of the brain…Their preliminary analysis indicates that fatherless degu pups exhibit more aggressive and impulsive behavior than pups raised by two parents.

Stop.

And what happened when degus were deprived of their mother?

What type of behavior qualified as more aggressive and impulsive?

Were these behaviors maladaptive?

In the long term, was this change beneficial, or harmful?

Dr. Braun and her colleagues found that in the two-parent families, the degu mothers and fathers cared for their pups in similar ways, including sleeping next to or crouching over them, licking and grooming them, and playing with them. The fathers even exhibited a "nursing-type" position.

When the mother was a single parent, the frequency of her interactions with her pups didn’t change much, which means that those pups experienced significantly less touching and interaction than those with two parents.

In similar ways, but did they do so in similar quantity?

If the father was a single parent, could he perform those same activities?

If the father was absent, were there no other degus available to lick and groom the pups?

Dr. Braun’s group found that at 21 days, the fatherless animals had less dense dendritic spines compared to animals raised by both parents, though they "caught up" by day 90. However, the length of some types of dendrites was significantly shorter in some parts of the brain, even in adulthood, in fatherless animals.

How did the dendritic spines catch up?

Was the length of the spines directly attributable to father-absence?

A preliminary analysis of the degus’ behavior showed that fatherless animals seemed to have a lack of impulse control, Dr. Braun says. And, when they played with siblings, they engaged in more play-fighting or aggressive behavior.

Lack of impulse control as evidenced by what–more play-fighting and aggressive behavior with the siblings?

How is this not a compensation for less touch, period, versus it being specific to father-absence?

In a separate study in Dr. Braun’s lab conducted by post-doctoral researcher Joerg Bock, degu pups were removed from their caregivers for one hour a day. Just this small amount of stress leads the pups to exhibit more hyperactive behaviors and less focused attention, compared to those who aren’t separated, Dr. Braun says. They also exhibit changes in their brain.

Caregivers?

Are we to assume that the results would be the same if the mother was removed?

The basic wiring between the brain regions in the degus is the same as in humans, and the nerve cells are identical in their function. "So on that level we can assume that what happens in the animal’s brain when it’s raised in an impoverished environment … should be very similar to what happens in our children’s brain," Dr. Braun says.

On that level? What about other levels?

Key words: "impoverished environment."

"The minute you get into stuff with extensive social and environmental components, the social differences between humans and animals are massive," says Simon Chapple, a senior economist in the social policy division of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, the 30-country grouping of the world’s largest economies.

It remains an "open verdict" whether single parenthood causes these bad outcomes, or is merely associated with them, says Dr. Chapple.

Booyah!

Dr. Braun’s goal for future research is to figure out whether degu pups’ brains can be rewired by introducing a substitute caregiver, such as a grandmother, or whether other social and emotional enrichment can help "repair" the fatherless pups, she says. Human children may be sent to day care, for instance, which can help them form stable friendships with their peers and other adults.

Question and answer completed. Human children. Human. Not Degus.

Want to know what I found out about Degus?

When they are horny, the boys get all crazy with eachother:

During the annual breeding season, male-male aggression temporarily increases.

They are really selfish, but they may like group sex:

Males exclude other males from their burrow and monopolize the females (usually 2 to 4) who live there.

They have something in common with R. Kelly:

Courting males often engage in mutual grooming with females, and frequently perform a courtship ritual which involves wagging of the tail and trembling of the body. The male then raises a hind leg and sprays urine onto the female.

They are hardcore believers in breastfeeding:

The female subsequently expends considerable energy in gestation and lactation.

Their babies even get different teats in their mouth (maybe learned from dad)…:

Related female degus may nurse each other’s young.

…because they believe in shared parenting…:

Females participate in rearing on another’s young.

…but they really need their mommies:

They have an elaborate vocal repertoire, and the young need to be able to hear their mother’s calls if the emotional systems if their brains are to develop properly.

They may seem a little homosexual, or, parentally alienated, at first:

they generally live in same-sex social groups until they are about 9 months old and their first breeding season occurs.

But they do have admirable behaviors:

Degus nest communally…In the laboratory, the female remains close to the pups until two weeks after birth, and males have been observed to huddle with the young during this period without instances of infanticide. In the wild, male degus may spend as much time feeding and huddling with the young as females do.

And you really shouldn’t use Degus to extrapolate findings to humans:

It has been reported that pups raised in isolation in the laboratory experience severe neural and behavioral abnormalities.

Get over yourselves!

Brian: 16
Mitch: 18
Chad: 16
Travis: 15
Glen: 12
Greg: 15
Jordan: 8
Russ: 5
Dana: 1

Dana agrees to trade Kevin Smith to Travis for Braylon Edwards.

Impassable during high water

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