This is a favorite song of mine. It says:

I’ll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree

I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams…

This is the life of an immigrant… or emigrant … depending on how you look at it.

My week in Sofia is marked with amazing friends, great parties, precious encounters and valuable knowledge, all of which I can experience only because I have two houses.

I live in Spain, but my home is in Sofia.

I arrived back home thinking about all the friends and love I left behind. In a short year I have won the trust of people who I have never anticipated to meet. Yet, once I step foot on Bulgarian ground, I felt comfort and calm which nothing will ever match.

I went out last night – my last night in Sofia. I was going out to a bar, but instead, I ended up in a disco where I ran into old school friends, former colleagues and new acquaintances. It is strange. People that I had never kept in touch with and that I have never imagined I will talk to in a bar, came to ask me how I am, wanted to know what I have been up to and were interested in all the great events in my life.

(We will meet again in ten years, and each one of us will share, what they fought with, because of what they couldn’t sleep, and what they could overcome)

It is amazing to realize that you have family and friends (someones those whom you never expected) to come home to (regardless of the country), to share with (regardless of the language), and to feel close to (regardless of the distance).

I have been blessed with such an experience on Christmas.

On Christmas there are miracles!!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy 2010 year!!! And many more joyful ones to come!

With love,

M.

i feel weak. my heart begging to meet you again. to hear your voice again. to see your smile in emoticons again. i feel weak. you might never know that again anymore.

help. i am the one who leave. nothing i can do about anything. but this feeling are not going to leave me. too strong. i am hurt again, too much. i do not know why. today i feel so sad. so sad. so sad. so sad. so sad.

I love you.

Youre amazing.

I miss you.

thats about it for tonight.

I miss you+ your character.

“this dream never ends” you said
“this feeling never goes
The time will never come to slip away”
“this wave never breaks” you said
“this sun never sets again
These flowers will never fade”
“this world never stops” you said
“this wonder never leaves
The time will never come to say goodbye”
“this tide never turns” you said
“this night never falls again
These flowers will never die”

Never die
Never die
These flowers will never die

“this dream always ends” I said
“this feeling always goes
The time always comes to slip away”
“this wave always breaks” I said
“this sun always sets again
And these flowers will always fade”
“this world always stops” I said
“this wonder always leaves
The time always comes to say goodbye”
“this tide always turns” I said
“this night always falls again
And these flowers will always die”

Always die
Always die
These flowers will always die

Between you and me
It’s hard to ever really know
Who to trust
How to think
What to believe
Between me and you
It’s hard to ever really know
Who to choose
How to feel
What to do

Never fade
Never die
You give me flowers of love

Always fade
Always die
I let fall flowers of blood

Rob doesn’t know how to write about moving without making it sound like he is leaving Lending Club… lol.

I think Mark’s the sweetest boy ever (; Never expected him to leave me a note each day for the next 2 weeks..:) Thanks Huiming love for handing them over to me

Oh gawd, I feel so loved You’re so unpredictable baby!!! ♥  You know I can really feel your presence as I read the little notes? I hope you’re having a good time now love! Dying to hear from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, – - – - -. It’s been awhile since we talked, I mean really talked. Not the silly small talk that hides what you really want to say, but the kind of conversation between people who’ve known each other so well so long. Or who knew, as the case may be. I feel like I don’t know you at all anymore, which is why I post this on my blog rather than sending it to your email, or calling you, or even saying it in person. Sad as it is, I’ll post it, and maybe if you ever think of me, you’ll find this. I’m not blaming you for leaving, I hope you know that. It really is a shock that you even stayed around for that long. I was the one who left, I was the one who did this to you. And now you’re doing it to me, which is one of those fuck irony things. Still, I miss you a helluva lot, and I wish you would talk to me. I wish you’d invite me to hang out with you, or to your birthday party, or to talk in the hall during a movie. Still, it isn’t right. I can’t ask you that, I can’t request what I denied you for so long. I don’t even know if I’ve changed, if you came back, would it be the same thing all over again? I’d like to think I’ve learned to let go of him a bit, I’d like to think I’ve been hanging out with you and the rest of the group more, but then again, I’ve been wrong before. While I’m letting everything out, I’d just like to say she really annoys me. I’m pretty sure it’s mostly a jealousy thing, but  you guys seem to act to weird around each other. And she’s always hanging all over you, and thinking she’s the only person in the world that matters to you, and thinking no one else knows you like she does. Maybe that’s true, but I used to know you, used to probably being the key phrase there, but maybe I still do. Please don’t get mad at me for saying anything, I’ll state once more it’s probably just jealousy, and I’m saying this not to be judged, but to let everything out. Also, I thought the fact that you guys wrote an article on your friendship was kinda stupid, and it was already pretty soppy even without the editors’ editing. She’s really mean to, to pretty much everyone except you. I know she’s alot better, but she still says random, mean things, that sometimes sting a bit more than they need to. Still, she doesn’t have a lot to do with what I’m trying to say here, I just had to tell some one that. The thing is, we’ve switched roles. I guess you really don’t know what you have til it’s gone. Now you’re the one spending a lot of time with just one person, and I’m watching and waiting for you. Also, you’re rarely “there” with the group anymore. Yeah, you sit there, but you don’t say much, and you don’t even sit by us sometimes. It confuses them, and it makes the Wizened one (yeah, I’m totally calling him that now) just follow you around. By the way, I hate that. Even though he’s willing, you shouldn’t treat him like a lost puppy you let trail you. You just take from him and don’t give anything back. Of course, he’s probably just doing that and you’d probably be more than happy if he left, and if I’m wrong, I’m sorry. But in the end, I know we had a hard time. High school is a time of change, and getitng used to knew things. To be honest, I really wish it was like it used to be. Without all this complicated stuff. And, I don’t know if you can or want to, but, I wish you’d come back. Maybe even a little bit. Will you spend time with me, maybe even call me and suggest it? Maybe we could find a balance, with you and her, and me and him. To be honest, I’d really like that, especially since you’ll be gone next year. You probably won’t or can’t, a post on a blog isn’t enough to make up for a year of my, betrayel, I guess. But if you can, even a little bit, I’d… really like that. As much as they don’t like admitting it, the anacondas (who are sitll superior, regardless) miss the red pandas, and wish they’d come back. They’d even get on their kness if they had them. I’m sorry, – - – - – , for what I did. And if you can possibly give me another chance, please come back.

Love,

CCS (- – - – - – -)