I felt apologetic at the fact that I didn’t update my links so I did. Well wtf cos I have like another day to complete the Chiangmai trip reflection, so I should really start on it now. And there’s homework too. Yay.

cinnayum:

scribble-scribbles:

bob marley

only once in your life, i truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. you tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. you share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. when something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. they are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. there is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. you can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. the things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. colours seem brighter and more brilliant. laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. a phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. in their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. you think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. you open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. you find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. you find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

So true. And sometimes, it’s a blessing.

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.

John Peel (1939 – 2004)

i think i spilt my blog. there are words EVERYWHERE!

I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life’s experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life’s experiences would be a great mistake.

Luis Miguel (1970 – )

Ok I am assuming that you have read my blog post “What happens during a mortgagee sale” if you haven’t please do so because this post is what you should do and not what I did.

Fisrt thing I should have done was to be totally upfront and discuss it with everyone that matters, in this case, my brother, my wife and also my sister, that at least would have given us a starting point.

If you read my post I lied to pretty much everyone at the beginning because I really thought that I could fix it, I’m not sure now, what I actually thought I could do but my first thought was to ignore everything and bury my head.

So just spill on everything, don’t hold back no matter what your pride says.

Next step is you need to look at the worst case scenario, you actually lose the house, its hard I know but you need to establish just what will happen if you do, now the bank will probably accept about 75% of the value of the property so start looking at options whereby you might be able to sell it for more. Do you have family members looking to buy, talk to neighbours, friends etc…

They will still get a good deal but at least you are not at the mercy of property investors.

Next step, can you actually save the house? Can you afford a loan to pay off the arrears and still pay the mortgage as well as living costs and travel to and from work? Be totally honest here because you don’t want to get yourself into a worst situation than you are currently in.

Also talk to the bank, can they amend the terms of the mortgage? Can they give you a mortgage holiday? What about refinancing all your other debts? What can they do to help.

Don’t be like me and get emotional, I felt like the bank was attacking me and as a result I was very defensive, angry and emotional.

Talk to a budget advisor and see whether they can mediate on your behalf, talk to a lawyer and see if they can help as well.

Get counselling if you can, most employers provide that service so use them, its good to be able to talk to someone and just completely let go, release all your fears, anger and tension. Get it all out because the stress you will be under will be enormous.

At the end of the day you may still lose your house, try and accept it, the sun will still rise in the morning, life does not end, believe me on that.

A few months from now you will sit back one Friday night, have a beer and a wine and just be fully relaxed, although the pain is still there you will start to feel hope and you will know that today is the beginning of a new better life.

Please read the last paragraph again, I know exactly how you feel but believe me when I say it will get better.

Sometimes I just wonder about what I am actually doing in my life.

J’s point taken. It’s obvious.

“The truth doesn’t always set you free; people prefer to believe prettier, neatley wrapped lies.” – Jodi Picoult (Keeping Faith)

Oh how you remind me of the way things used to be

Heres the truth, I make mistakes, I have regrets and I wish I could take some things back.
Honestly I dont know why I did it, I dont know why I miss you so much, Its so stupid I kinda think I’ll never move on completly. I wish I knew what my heart was thinking sometimes.
If everything happens for a reason whats ours?
Im going out now. WOO new tv tomorrow

loveyou xoxoox

For years, I have had the same recurring dream. It starts out with me crawling through a tunnel of rock. It is long, convoluted and tight to the point of claustrophobia in places, but I am determined to keep going.  I don’t know what waits for me at the end, I only know I can’t go back – going forward is the only option now.

I wake from this dream feeling unsettled, as if I need to finish something. I never like the dream, but in an odd way, I often look forward to it because maybe the next time I’ll make it to the end of the tunnel, maybe I’ll find out what waits for me at the end.

I haven’t had the dream in a long time, until just recently, but I think I know why. I have ventured into the unknown. I have entered the world of publishing. For years, getting published has been my Holy Grail. That one thing I looked for above all else and now finally hold, at least virtually, in my hand. The experience has been almost surreal.

After years of doing nothing but writing and re-writing, offering my precious words up for sacrifice on workshops and to beta readers, and then more time spent writing query letters (a special hell all in itself); I almost became immune to rejection letters. It got to the point where I would scan to the first few words and then hit delete. We regret, I’m sorry, and the ever popular, I’m just not that enthusiastic about it, but maybe someone else will be, clogged my inbox on almost a daily basis. I once got a one word reply to a query- NO- short and to the point.

So, when I got the acceptance from my publisher, Lyrical Press, it almost didn’t register. It was that single E-mail that started me on my journey and much like my journey through the tunnel, I had no idea what waited for me on the other side, I  only knew that things were put into motion and I had to find out what waited for me at the end.

The first thing I encountered was familiar—waiting. After months, sometimes years of waiting for replies from would-be agents, waiting was something I was used to.  But this wait was not long. I was introduced to my editor. This is probably one of the most important relationships you will ever foster. Much like a marriage, it is vital that the author and editor are simpatico. Unlike any critter, or beta reader, your editor will look at your work under a microscope. Every word, every phrase, every mark better be perfect. Things you never thought of will be brought to your attention. Mistakes you thought you corrected will make you hit your forehead and say Doh!

If you are really lucky, like I was, you will get an editor that not only knows her job, but tempers her corrections with praise and compliments. One that will let your own voice shine through. One that will not let you get lost in the whole process. (Thanks, Pamela!)

Treat your editor, oh, I don’t know, like a god maybe? Respect them and what they can do for you. They can make the great story you have already written, fantastic! My published book is far better than the one I submitted to Lyrical.

It has been quite the ride and it isn’t through yet. I am still crawling through the tunnel, trying to find out what waits for me on the other side. I still wake feeling unsettled, but I have managed to gain more ground than I ever did before. There might even be a small light shining at the end of it. I’ll let you know when I get there.

~ Ann Simko

Mr. Malakoa thinks it funny to snap for me to come over to him.  My mother does not.  Mr. Malakoa and I have been married more than six years, not a great amount of time, but long enough for her to say something about this.

She never has.  Until today.  Mr. Malakoa wanted to show me something on the computer so he called out, “Serving Wench” and snapped.  I’m not crazy about the snapping but don’t mind the Serving Wench.  It’s clearly a joke, albeit one that is not funny.

Today, my mother was in the kitchen and she told me, “Does he know how utterly objectionable that is?  It’s sexist and…”  She went on quite a while.

I said to her, “Why don’t you go tell him?”

At that point I broke and went in to talk to him about it.  My mother followed.  She told him what she told me, and said, “Maybe someday I can find it is funny, but having lived through the times when people  did that seriously, I’m not at the point that I can.”

What did I do right?  I told her to do it herself.

What did I do wrong?  I went and talked to him anyways.

I came close to drawing a line but didn’t do it.  It’s not a big deal, but was better than what I would do before.  In the past I would have fallen all over myself to get him to stop and please my parents.  Mr. Malakoa has reached the point he knows he can’t please them so he doesn’t try, but I’m not there so much.  It seems like more good than bad comes from them, but according to him it’s impossible to be the right thing to them.  So he’s not doing it.  I’ll be he’ll stop with the whole “wench” thing when they are around, though.

Mr. Malakoa is the ultimate boundary setter, and some times it pisses me off.  Instead of doing something for me, like helping me make the baby’s bed, he makes me do it myself or wants to teach me how to do it.  I didn’t say I wanted to learn how to do something, I wanted him to do it with me.  He’s not for it.  And I’m stuck with this new task I don’t want to do.  (I’m half kidding.)

But let’s move on.

There is a very good chance your parents are sinners.  So are all of the people that are going to be at your Thanksgiving dinner.  I don’t have to tell you that this sort of thing brings up difficult memories – depression might come on stronger, regrets, resentments might rule the day.  If there is hard liquor there is the chance you’ll be on pins and needles waiting for the scene.   They’re all a part of the celebration.

I’m not going to say that things don’t have to be that way.  This is a good time to be in your Bible and to sing hymns and spiritual songs, but that’s not going to cure all of the past years of hurt.  There is probably a time you will come and be ready to forgive them, but if this is not the time for that, it is a waste of your heart to feel guilty about your inability to do so now.  If you’re in therapy, now is a good time to meet more often that you do know.  If you have a spouse or best friend, go shopping, or bake with them and talk about how you feel about all this stuff that went right and went wrong at holidays in the past.  If you don’t have either one, why not shoot me an email?  I can’t fix things, but I can better know how to pray for you.

One last thing – if you have a relative that beats you down, especially a parent, I want you to realize right now that you did not have the parents you deserved.  They might have been the parents that you needed, and it might be a chance for you to comfort others, but you might now be at that point, yet.  Now that I have a child of my own I cannot perceive how terribly some moms and dads treat their children.  I’m not going to go into it here because I don’t want you to have flashbacks or bring more hurt upon you, but I really want to emphasize that the verbal and physical abuse was never acceptable.  You may have made mistakes or were flat-out naughty, but you didn’t bring it upon yourself.  Take a moment and believe me, no matter what anyone else says.

My dad used to tell me, when I was a middle schooler and high school student, that you don’t choose your parents.  I believe him: Your parents are given to you, and you are given to them like a treasure.  It doesn’t mean you are treated like one, but it doesn’t stop who you are.  The parents were not your idea and their behavior, again, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with yourself.  I believe you need to obey the commandment, “Honor your mother and father,” no matter what, however difficult it is.  It’s the first command with a promise – you do so, so “all will go well with you.”  What a surprise that honoring them brings you good things in your life.

And a very last thing:  Even terrible parents can’t stop you from being all you were meant to be.  You are a wonderful person; you do have talent and you can pursue the things you desire.  It may be harder for you because of your past, but it’s entirely possible.

I have met people at the “behavioral center” that went through horrible, brutal things.  One, who was 32, told me if that thing hadn’t happened to him, he would be somebody.  His current profession was drug dealing and he had spent time in prison for hitting a police office.  He truly believed his chances were gone and his life was over.  He had received over a million dollars and was in a position most of us were dying to to have.  He didn’t need to be there.  And it’s not too late for you, either.

“Sir, I think you booked the wrong tickets.”

Without a shadow of a doubt, this goes down as one of my biggest boo-boos. I couldn’t believe that I committed a mistake of this simplicity. The crazy thing about it was that none of the four people I had sent my itinerary to spotted it as well. The dates on my E-ticket read 28 Nov Fri to 28 Dec Mon (!!! – I know). On hindsight, thank God there was no promotional fare this time – the more expensive flexi-saver ticket I purchased allowed for a n0-fee flight change.

To help you understand the severity of the situation, on the line was 40kg of fish meat, a $919 SQ air ticket and another $90 paid for excess baggage. It was midnight and my sister (who kindly sent me to the airport) had already reached home. The current flight was fully booked and so were the next two flights at 7am and 10am. The frozen fish meat only had a lifespan of 10 hours without refrigeration.

To say I was panicking is an understatement. But a part of me really enjoyed the impending adventure. Suddenly I was captured in a cinematic moment. Strangely, I was at peace but also in a flurry.

Check-in for the flight closes at 12:35am. The plane takes off at 1:15am.

T-30 minutes @ 12:05am:
After confirming this major mistake, the check-in officer informed me that 12 people have not turned up for this flight. And there were already two passengers on the waiting list. I was third on the list. If nine passengers turned up, it’d be game over for Joey. My uncle and I dismissed paying for Business Class (DANG!) and were hoping for the no-show of these 12 people.

T-20 minutes @ 12:15am:
After putting down the phone with HY for the third time – I needed an anxiety-venting outlet – I was informed by the same officer that there were only 5 seats left. Calmly, he said, “Sir, maybe this is your lucky day”.

His colleague added, “But honestly Sir, based on my experience, I think your chances are really low.”

T-10 minutes @ 12:25am:
I told HY that I couldn’t be on the phone anymore because I was in such a state of peaceful flurry (!). I hung up, looked towards the counter and established eye contact with the same officer. He didn’t give me a thumbs up, but gestured “3” instead. I remembered the two already on the waiting list and my negotiations with God reached a new level of extraordinary wagers. I think I must have really tickled God.

D-day H-hour @ 12:35am:
“Sir, please proceed to the opposite counter to pay for your excess baggage after you check-in. Please watch your time as the gate closes at 1:05am. Have a good flight.”

This was the first time I was the last person on the plane. And this miracle really made me look forward to my short 3-day 2-night hiatus in Shanghai.

Tomorrow, find out why I got zero rest on the plane in Shanghai Tan Part 2 – Sleepless on SQ.

For almost 17 years of my life, I came in first. I had almost everything and I was happy. I didn’t know what it was like to lose and I took first place for granted.

My earth shook when I began coming in second. I was never early. That had always been my so called downfall. Why so called? Because no one gets up quicker than I did even by myself. I hardly realised I fell most times. But when it hit me that I fell, I will be down in total darkness and I will continue staying down until I decided to pick myself up. I am often at this dark place. There’s nothing but a glimmer of light. I guess it’s nature’s way of saying ’sorry for the inconvenience caused’. I used to hate the place, the thought of it, the cause of it. For moments, second was the most horrible place to be.

Until I opened up and broadened my horizon.

From a nightmare, coming in second turned into a dream.

The darkness with glimmer of light became a surrounding of solace. I didn’t mind remaining second. As I will always be in my place. Dropping from first to second wasn’t so bad after all. I adapted to it. I treasured it. I was completely me. It was like another home, where I belonged. For once, there was this place where nothing was ever expected out of me. I was content with the choices life had given. Yes, wrong choices were made but how else will I know what’s behind door number 2 if I didn’t open it?

Like I said, I am never early. When I find things, when I realised things, I am always late or sometimes too late. The phrase ‘better late than never’ barely existed. So sometimes when I opened a door, there’s nothing or no one there. What’s worse is when you find things that aren’t yours or when you find things that someone else had lost. From the day you found it, you already knew it won’t stick. You spent so much time preparing to let it go rather than embracing it while it last. Every now and then a repetitive mistake will be made. Those preparing to let go will always be in mourning and those embracing it will spent their life remembering. Either way, you win just so you can lose.

Being second is exactly like that. You are always giving in to the first and making way for the third. When you’re second you’re in between things or even coming in between things. When you’re second, you stood exactly in the middle of risks and sacrifices, you’re in the middle of right and wrong. It will make you feel out of place for sure, for quite some time. Time and again you’re going to need to get directions. While it wasn’t easy to stay first, it’s a different game altogether being second.

Second is practically a path on it’s own. I’m a rebellious second. I barely follow the lead, barely in the race, hardly looking back or always looking back depending on how paranoid I am capable of being. It was a little of a co-incidence when I opened a fortune cookie which could never be more right for me. It says my great attention to detail will be both a blessing and a curse. That is the exact definition of second.

I do miss being first though. But I am grateful for the lessons second is giving. Then again, if life is a test, I want a cheat sheet.

XOXO

Did you ever pretend to be someone else? Stupid question, everybody has, it’s in our nature. I remember once when I was about 7 years old, I got all trussed up in a shawl, bright pink and orange shower cap and rummaged around in my Aunt’s cupboards for a walking cane (I have no idea why she had a cane) After this I then adopted the persona of my then 80-ish year old Grandmother and began to hobble and limp around the house, I did it all night, and all the next day, but I had to leave the costume their, so I improvised with a plastic bag and sheet at my house. And it was so fun!
I remember when my brother was about five, he had a very large and obscure obsession with Thomas The Tank Engine, I remember he adopted this little chugging motion in his left arm and would move it in a train-like-motion everywhere he went, and I mean everywhere.

Childhood were good times.

I’m thinking staying up till 4am isn’t such a good idea, I slept in till 11 today, which is a first for a long while, and I’m currently still lazing around in my bed.
I think I might go and look for a dress at Garden City today for Tegan’s after-party, or shall I say ’sleepover’ I’m in the mood for a good shop around and I could use some new clothes as it is.
If only I had an abundance of money.

Linda rang today -extremely loud and unimpressed sigh- she wants me to work extra shifts during the christmas holidays, which of course means more money, but also more time spent at Fays, I can’t exactly say I’m looking forward to it much. Just as I’m not looking forward to going to Paymasters tomorrow night with ‘the gang’ who apparently will be looking ‘glamourous’ ugh.

I just spelt ‘glamourous’ as ‘glamerous’ and then tried to improve with a ‘glamorous’ and still failed miserably.

I’m getting stupider by the day.

For many weeks, I have been completely controlled by fear and anxiety. It’s escalating to the point where I can barely breathe normally. I can barely sleep. Eating doesn’t really appeal to me — nothing sounds good. Two weeks ago I bought a bunch of groceries. They’re all still sitting in my refrigerator. I can’t tell you what I’ve been eating. I’m certainly not eating out.

Every mistake I make — big or small — and every perceived mistake or misstep flashes before my eyes like a whirlwind. I have an impossibly high standard for myself. Ironically, I would never judge others the way I judge myself. I know that. Doesn’t make it any easier to change.

I’m praying that increasing Seroquel will help. My psychiatrist said I can try this higher dosage but he doesn’t sound hopeful.

What else am I doing to help myself? I treated myself to a pedicure. Bought a bunch of stuff for my new home. Read some good books and wrote a lot in my journal. I’ve done some stuff with friends. So I’m not just sitting alone whining. I’m trying to do something.

Happy Thanksgiving, American friends.

It’s hot. It’s humid. Nothing would feel better than splashing in the ocean or a couple of laps in the pool. Great idea but, what do you wear? For most women searching for the perfect swimsuit is next to mission impossible. For women over 40 it is even worse. Here are some of the most common mistakes we make when looking for a bathing suit. We buy swimsuit tops that don’t provide the proper support. Women over 40 tend to have breasts that require more support. The little tube tops or skimpy triangle bikini tops just don’t cut it. Treat your search for a bathing suit, or suit top, like a search for a good bra. if you are large-busted look for tops that provide good support with built in bras and thicker straps.
We buy bathing suits made out of shiny fabrics. Shiny fabrics usually look good if you are model thin. If you are an average to large size woman, a shiny bathing suit will add pounds to your frame.
We still buy swimsuits in colors that don’t flatter us. Despite the fact we are a little older, women over 40 still buy swimwear in colors that are too bright or wash them out. Look for colors that will flatter you before and after you tan. Don’t assume that black and white are safe. If you are extremely fair-skinned a black or stark white bathing suit could make you look ashen.
We don’t buy swimsuits that emphasize proportion. If you have short legs you should look for suits that are high cut on the leg to elongate them. Color blocking is another way to emphasize your attributes and de-emphasize your problem areas. If you have large hips, choose suits that have a dark color block on the bottom. If you have a large bust and small hips, the opposite might be beneficial. Similarly, color blocks on your midsection can accentuate your waistline.

It’s hot. It’s humid. Nothing would feel better than splashing in the ocean or a couple of laps in the pool. Great idea but, what do you wear? For most women searching for the perfect swimsuit is next to mission impossible. For women over 40 it is even worse. Here are some of the most common mistakes we make when looking for a bathing suit. We buy swimsuit tops that don’t provide the proper support. Women over 40 tend to have breasts that require more support. The little tube tops or skimpy triangle bikini tops just don’t cut it. Treat your search for a bathing suit, or suit top, like a search for a good bra. if you are large-busted look for tops that provide good support with built in bras and thicker straps.
We buy bathing suits made out of shiny fabrics. Shiny fabrics usually look good if you are model thin. If you are an average to large size woman, a shiny bathing suit will add pounds to your frame.
We still buy swimsuits in colors that don’t flatter us. Despite the fact we are a little older, women over 40 still buy swimwear in colors that are too bright or wash them out. Look for colors that will flatter you before and after you tan. Don’t assume that black and white are safe. If you are extremely fair-skinned a black or stark white bathing suit could make you look ashen.
We don’t buy swimsuits that emphasize proportion. If you have short legs you should look for suits that are high cut on the leg to elongate them. Color blocking is another way to emphasize your attributes and de-emphasize your problem areas. If you have large hips, choose suits that have a dark color block on the bottom. If you have a large bust and small hips, the opposite might be beneficial. Similarly, color blocks on your midsection can accentuate your waistline.

The Internet is coming out ahead for expectations of more and more numerous users of computers. Many shop windows are coming into existence exclusively up to it in order to offer Internauts the recent information and the access to advice always on-line. As the example to serve persons which want to consult a lawyer in the certain matter can. It is obvious, it is always possible to go to the office i.e. the place where lawyers are accepting, and there to look for somebody who will be willing to solve the given problem. More easily and more quickly however he is to take advantage of the possibility of receiving advice by the Internet. Trade websites often have their duty lawyer to which it is possible to turn in the form of the mail contact – it is most often met form of the communication – and also to try an exchange of ideas through Internet messengers. For persons preferring more traditional forms of the intercommunication a telephone number is often given, under which through the determined amount of the time (it sometimes happens that even for entire twenty-four hours, then we

are dealing with the work for changes) a duty lawyer is on the alert. Accessible answers almost “on the spot” they are very beneficial, they let discuss a lot of problems with the specialist still before taking the clampdown more what lets the suitable wisdom more than once avoid ensuing mistakes from the hurry or the lack. Additionally, recalled above specialist portals are gigantic bases of the knowledge, in which it is possible to find everything from the field of the law. Filed, sorted out into right “drawers” – categories, the information are useful to the ones which are searching for something concrete as well as for the ones which are planning to go to the office and they want to prepare. The access to portals about such a subject matter is also useful to persons, for which the profession of the lawyer is it dream. Using the included base on the side will let them expand it knowledge and stay informed in the field of the newest topics.

Cardio Uh-Ohs

1. Doing the “gym slouch.” “We see many people in the gym leaning on equipment,” says Debi Pillarella, MEd, a spokeswoman for the American Council on Exercise. “We call it ‘gym slouch’: They’re on the Stairmaster, [elliptical cross trainer], or treadmill, leaning over, and hanging on for dear life.”

When your back is rounded, your spine doesn’t get enough support. So stand erect when you’re working out on one of these machines.

2. Getting a grip. Holding on too tightly to the cardio equipment lets you “cheat” and contributes to slouching. It also keeps you from moving your arms — which can boost your heart rate and burn extra calories. If loosening your grip makes you feel insecure, try this technique Pillarella teaches at Community Hospital Fitness Pointe in Munster, Ind. “Instead of gripping, just rest your fingers, from your index finger to the pinkie, on the bars. As you get more comfortable, drop a finger. Eventually, you may have just the index fingers resting there for security.”

3. Catching up on your reading. If you’re doing lots of reading on the elliptical machine, you’re probably not getting a good workout, says Julie Isphording, host of the radio shows Fitness Information Talk and On Your Feet.

“If you must read, stop about every three minutes and do a four-minute focus interval,” she says. During this interval, “concentrate on picking up the pace, dropping your shoulders, breathing, and using your arms.”

4. Walking with weights. Carrying hand weights when you walk might seem like a good way to add strength training to your cardio workout, but it compromises your stride. “You lean forward, and it stresses the quads, ankles, and shins, and can cause stress fractures,” Isphording says. “Keep your cardio and strength training separate.”

5. Thinking cardio is enough. Many people think they need only a cardiovascular exercise program. “We begin losing muscle at age 30,” says Isphording. “Strength training builds muscles, which increases metabolism and burns more calories.”

Strength-Training Slipups

6. Rushing your reps. Doing weight-lifting repetitions too fast raises your blood pressure and increases your risk for joint injury. It also compromises your results.

“The safest way to use strength machines or dumbbells is: in lifting phase, exhale for two counts and hold briefly at the top of the contraction, then return as you inhale for four counts,” says Pillarella. “Always exhale during the hardest part of the work.”

Find different types of exercise that you enjoy, and make it a point to vary what you do.

Are you exercising regularly, yet not seeing the results you want? Or getting sidelined by pulled muscles and other injuries? Feeling tempted to drop out because you’re so bored?

Don’t give up your fitness program just yet. Maybe the problem isn’t the exercise itself but the way you’re exercising.

Exercisers (especially beginning exercisers) often make mistakes that keep them from getting the most from their workouts. Fitness experts spoke to WebMD about 20 of the most common exercise mistakes, and how you can keep them from derailing your fitness program.

7. Giving your abs a free ride. Many people do crunches or abdominal machine workouts without ever toning their abdomens. The problem is that they’re using the upper torso, neck, and head to do the work.

“Do mindful exercise,” says Pillarella. “The contraction should be from the ribcage to the hip bone. Put your mind into the muscles that are working, and keep all the other muscles quiet.”

8. Doing lackluster lat pull-downs. On this machine, you’re seated with a bar overhead. Some people stick their heads forward and pull the bar down behind their heads. But doing it this way could injure your spine or neck — and your back won’t get that coveted “V” look.

Instead, “pull the bar down in front of your shoulders and chest, and put your mind into muscle contractions in your back,” says Pillarella.

9. Using maladjusted machines. Weight machines are made for people of all shapes and sizes. You must adjust them to fit if you want to get results and avoid injury.

For example, using an improperly set leg-extension machine puts stress on your knees, says Mark Kasper, EdD, a spokesman for the American College of Sports Medicine. “Another problem with improperly adjusted machines is that you don’t work your muscles through the full range of motion,” he says.

Have a qualified trainer show you the proper settings for your physique, and write them down on a card that you carry to the gym.

Flexibility Flubs

10. Stretching cold muscles. Stretching before your workout puts you at risk for pulled or torn muscles. “Always stretch at the end of your workout,” says Pillarella.

11. Bouncing. Bouncing during a stretch can increase your risk of straining or pulling muscles, Pillarella says. Instead, “hold a static stretch with no movement at the joints. Your body should feel lengthened but not to the point of pain.”

Routine Maintenance

12. Forgetting about fun. “If you’re bored with your routine, and your treadmill has faced the washer since 1980, how much fun is that?” says Isphording, “I’d never want to do your workout, either. ? And why do we call it a workout? It should be a playout.”

Exercise with your friends or family, just as you go to movies or dinner with people. “Unless we reframe it in our minds, it will never be fun,” Isphording says.

13. Doing outdated exercises. Still doing the exercises you learned in high school, like windmills and leg lifts? Some of these oldies are a waste of time; others can cause injury. Take an exercise class or work with a personal trainer to freshen your routine.

14. Getting stuck in a rut. What’s wrong with doing the same exercise routine, day in and day out? “You’re working the same muscles, going at the same speed, and once you get in shape you no longer breathe heavily,” says Isphording. “The muscles become very efficient. They expend less energy, and you burn fewer calories.”

15. Seeking a quick fix. Many people expect dramatic results from a little exercise. “Current recommendations are for 3 1/2 to four hours of physical activity a week just to prevent weight regain,” says Kasper, who is a professor in the department of kinesiology at Valdosta State University in Valdosta, Ga. “If you want to lose weight and you’re walking 30 minutes, three times a week, without changing your diet, it will take roughly one month to lose a pound.”

Want to lose faster? Exercise more.

16. Being a weekend warrior. “If you’re only exercising two days a week, you’ll never get where you want to be, and you’ll feel awful every Monday,” says Isphording. “It leads to injury and burnout, and you’re missing the secret to success: showing up.”

17. Taking on too much at first. “Whether on a treadmill at home or working out at an exercise facility, people tend to do too much too soon,” says Kasper. “They put themselves at risk for an orthopaedic injury.”

He advises working with a qualified trainer who will do a screening, teach proper techniques, and set up an appropriate fitness program.

Sins of Omission

18. Skipping the warm-up. “Without a warmup, you’re asking your body to work before the oxygen and blood flow reach the muscles,” says Pillarella. “You increase the risk for injury, and with cardiovascular exercise, you raise the heart rate too fast. Before you exercise in earnest, spend 5-10 minutes going through the motions of your workout at an easy pace to raise your body temperature from the inside out.”

If you don’t warm up before lifting weights, meanwhile, you risk torn muscles and won’t be able to lift as much weight, says Isphording. Get your blood flowing by spending a few minutes on the treadmill or exercise bike, or even walking in place.

19. Forgoing the cool-down. Don’t come to sudden stop at the end of your workout. “If you don’t cool down, you risk muscle soreness because you haven’t flushed the lactic acid out of your system,” says Isphording. “It takes five to 10 minutes at a slower pace, depending on your fitness level, to let your heart rate come down.”

20. Skimping on water. Muscles need fluid to contract properly, so if you don’t drink enough, you can get muscle spasms or aches.

“If you’re thirsty, you’re already a percent dehydrated,” says Pillarella. “Drink water before, during, and after exercise.”

And, Pillarella says, “unless you’re a high-intensity athlete who’s depleting electrolytes and potassium, you don’t need Gatorade. Water is the preferred drink.”

A couple of weeks ago when my husband Terry and I were driving through the mountains in Colorado, we stopped in a small town for breakfast. We’d barely been served our first cup of coffee when two young families came in and sat next to us—two sets of parents, each with a daughter and son about the same age. Since they were all laughing and chatting, it was difficult not to notice and become captivated by their delight and the fun they were having together.

It warmed our hearts. The parents talked together while the kids did the same. Then suddenly they were all talking together. They took turns and no one dominated or took control. The parents asked questions to one or more of the kids and then listened attentively while the kids responded animatedly. These two sets of parents had clearly figured it out. They had learned how to develop great relationships with their kids, and now they were reaping the benefits of their close connections, their respect for each other and the enjoyment it brought to their lives.

Kids are pretty cool people. They’re constantly learning and growing; they take risks and are not afraid to experiment; they question and are curious about everything; they have a positive attitude and are up for trying new things. All of this makes them very interesting and quite stimulating to be around.

Do they make mistakes and do stupid things? Of course they do. They’re kids. But parents need to learn to honor those mistakes because that’s when kids need their parents’ support more than ever in order to learn from those mistakes and make better decisions in the future.

Instead of ridiculing, criticizing and jumping to punishment, take the time to talk with your kids when they screw up. Be open to listen and to try to see the situation from their perspective. Ask questions that will help you understand your children better and the struggles they’re facing.

It’s only after you’ve been patient enough to really get the whole scoop that you will earn the privilege of being on the inside of your kids’ lives. That’s when you have the opportunity to guide and influence them. And that’s when you experience the rewards of those two families in the restaurant.

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.

Dale E. Turner (1956 – )

Earth life can be a tough school and the lessons of Earth life and the meanness and cruelty of others can make it challenging for one to maintain their innocence and purity of character. God purity means loving God to such an extent and to such an attunement that no matter how mean or cruel people are, and no matter how tough the lessons of Earth life are, one holds to their unconditional love, faith, trust and patience in God. God purity also means choosing the path of selflessness at all times, never giving into an attack thought, admitting your mistakes when you have made them no matter what the circumstance,  holding to unconditional love and one’s Spiritual ideals at all times, always being the one to apologize when an ego battle has been entered into, being the first to forgive self and others, constantly being vigilant against the negative ego and ever more so the more success you achieve on all levels … It is when all these attitudes and qualities are made manifest that a person demonstrates true unconditional love and purity. Strive at all times to maintain your purity and to not succumb to the corruption, negative ego, glamour, illusion, maya of the lower-self and fear-based reality. This will take enormous consicousness and vigilance on your part, however, the gift and fruit that you will attain is greater than any gift or item you will find in this world. “Be ye faithful unto death and I will give thee a crown of life!” – Jesus. So let it be written. So let it be done.

© 2009 www.IAMUniversity.org