Misty, who wished to remain unidentified for her safety, said she was walking on Overlake and Ridge Route drives around 2:15 p.m. April 11 when the suspect pulled up in a white van and asked her help to find his lost dog.

“I go over there, he gets out of the van and said, ‘Hey, I have a better picture.’ So we walk to the front of the van,” she said.

Misty said that’s when the suspect got aggressive.

“He grabs my arm after he opened the van and starts to push me inside,” she said.

Misty said her previous Tae Kwon Do lessons and her love of track helped her push the attacker off.

“I take my foot up, but it on the side of the van, pushed off, and I kicked him in the shin as hard as I could, and I started to run,” she said.

Deputies said the assailant’s van is a newer-model Chevy with no rear windows and a metal partition separating the cargo area and the front seats.

“It smelled like paint thinner and it had five hooks where you hang tools, but it was bare bones empty,” said Misty.

Police described the suspect as Hispanic, in his 30s, 5 feet 10 inches tall, 230 pounds, with a shaved head and thin eyebrows. He was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans.

The victim said she wanted to share her story to stop the suspect from striking again.

“I used to go running all the time by myself. Now I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering if he’s going to finish the job,” she said.

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My Nikon S6200 captures the startling scene.

It started with a loud splash. Followed by a bright orange flash.

Immediately, my attention was drawn from the wildflowers along my walk last Saturday to the lake. Were those gigantic goldfish grappling with one another close to the shore in my neighboring master-planned community? Perhaps they were Magikarp, the fish Pokémon . . . which could mean that Ash Ketchum and Misty were close by.

I jogged to the edge of the lake and quickly pulled out my Nikon S6200. About half a dozen huge fish were struggling so near me that I could look them in the eyes!

This reminds me of unruly preschoolers.

In fact, I could almost hear them calling out. I had never seen anything like this before. It was amazing!

Are you looking at me?

I cut my four-miler short and jogged home to grab my Nikon D700 and Nikon 105mm macro lens. Then I drove back and looked for bursts of electric orange. There were several places along the long lake’s shore where I saw activity.

Always travel with buddies.

As I snapped away . . . and as the fish got close enough to actually splash me . . . a guy walking along the shore told me that they were koi. What were the big critters doing? Spawning.

A koi sandwich

In early spring, the male koi sandwich the female and start bumping her. This forces out the thousands of eggs in her body, which then allows the guys to fertilize them. From what I saw, it’s a brutal process involving a lot of thrashing, crashing, and mashing.

This looks uncomfortable for the gal in the middle.

The overgrown goldfish attracted attention from just about everyone on the walking path. Privacy was not an issue for them!

The gang’s all here.

Yep, when it comes to spawning, these koi aren’t so coy!

1. Ditto
“I want it that way.” With Ditto, that phrase is not just the name of a song by the Backstreet Boys. Much like Burger King, Ditto lets you have it your way. Ditto can transform into anyone you want – Jennifer Lawrence, that hot girl in your bio class, your Russian Lit TA, Jennifer Lawrence…the possibilities are endless. Fantasies could be fulfilled. Plus, doing it would be less gross, because it wouldn’t seem like you were doing it with a Pokémon. Which, when you think about it, is pretty weird.

Good idea, or great idea?

2. Jynx
Often referred to as being ‘hotter than Moltres, but in a different way.’ Alternatively known as ‘that one Pokémon that’s kinda racist.’ Really the only Pokémon that is blatantly supposed to look like a trashy ‘lady of the night.’ Also the only one given boobs for no apparent reason. Considering that “Kiss” is one of its moves, as well as “Lick,” its ready for anything. It’s not designed to look like a seductress for nothing. It just wants you to go ahead and ‘Cubone’ it. Come on. Its not weird to admit you’ve thought about it. Okay, it is weird, but not that weird.

3. Cloyster/Weepinbell
Also known as the two ‘vagina Pokémon.’ Weepinbell is basically just a living fleshlight, and Cloyster is pretty obviously modelled after a pussy. Note: while I’d put my ‘Rhyhorn’ in a Weepinbell, avoid doing anything with a Victreebeel. Sure, one of its moves is ‘Swallow,’ but that thing has teeth. You do not want to get bitten. Trust me on that. I heard the plot of the movie Teeth, and it was pretty much the scariest experience of my life.

4. Lickitung
Officially called “The Licking Pokémon.” That tongue has something for everyone, and is supposedly very receptive to all sorts of tastes. A Pokémon like that just makes you want to use the moves “Eruption” or “Megahorn.” So go ahead. Beedrill that Lickitung, hard.

I CAN’T be the only one who sees a resemblance, right?

5. Magikarp
Magikarp literally does nothing, aside from sit there with its open mouth and its stupid face. Much like many a lover from the Keg (may its everlasting memory rest in peace), it’s there and you can have it, no matter how crappy the hookup is gonna be, so why wouldn’t you? It probably won’t even notice that anything is happening, because it’s a fucking Magikarp.

6. Misty
So she’s technically not a Pokémon, but I don’t really care because she counts. Misty is hot. Too hot for a children’s TV show. Seriously, search Misty into google images. Some pretty fucking hot weird shit comes up. Every time I think about Misty, it makes me as hard as a Geodude. The thought of her alone makes me wanna Squirtle. I’m not ashamed to say that I would Slowpoke that gal anytime.

White Widow x (Northern Lights x Shiva)

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