It was late afternoon on a Thursday in July. There were a few boxes stacked close to the office door and the walls and desk were void of anything that would indicate who worked in this space. Co-workers were coming in and out of the office sharing laughs and reminiscing about the last 4 years. There had been good times and there had been times of major turmoil but Paula, Alicia, Scottee, Candace, Gretchen, Kim, Arleen, Dug, the house managers and the many staff that had come and gone were going to be missed. But I was happy to say goodbye to the filing cabinets, house scheduling boards, trips to Houston and southern Indiana, FMLA, labor laws, endless no-show interviews, and bad company insurance. I was good at this but it was not what God was calling me to do.

I was feeling anxious because Friday was the last day of my well-paying job. I was looking for a part-time job and going back to finish my undergraduate degree in the fall. God had been calling me to pursue vocational ministry and I was finally surrendering.

Kim’s voice came over the intercom, “Eric, there is a Jim Dunn for you on line 1.” Why was the pastor of our church calling? Was someone hurt? I nervously answered the phone and this is what I hear:

Would you like to meet me for dinner at the 4H fair tonight? Our current Youth Director has decided to do something else and I would like to talk to you about taking over the position. It only pays part-time and I know you already have a job so I don’t even know if you will be interested but I would like to talk to you about it.

Following Christ is about whole-hearted surrender. Some of my most formative life experiences have taken place when I trusted God’s leading even when it didn’t make sense. This began my journey into full-time vocational ministry and over time this part-time position transitioned to full-time. I spent 5 fantastic years at:

I’ll also be posting a soundtrack to each major moment of my life:
Moment #5 Life Sountrack

~I am so thankful my workday went by quickly and smoothly! One more day and then I will be off for a while!

and I will be so grateful for the quiet time to finish so many project’s I have hanging over my head!

~this is the beginnings of quilt I am making for my cousin’s best friend’s baby! ~or something like that!   I struggled for a moment to get my mojo going but finally thank the Lord, it hit me and I’ve been working feverishly to get it done.  Should not be too much longer.. and then there is this…

~my scraps to treasure quilt front that must be finished ASAP.. I am so late! Please excuse the wrinkles I should not even tell you how that happened..

~it partly involves this cat cuddling up on it, then being ambushed by his brother, and then a whole big rigmarole ensues.. goodness!

All in all I am so thankful I have a mind that won’t rest and hands that must be kept busy.  It just makes me feel more complete..

there are times where you know that the five, ten minutes, perhaps a day or longer, that you might have with someone is all that you know you’re going to get. you’re lucky, it’s something new, and rare that perhaps lends it that special feeling.  it’s like broken pieces wandering and by chance fitting for a few minutes. but because of the strings of where they’ve come from and where they’re going, they’re pulled away perhaps never to fit together again. or perhaps they’ll fit a few more times, who knows.

being scattered and so far and distant, and everyone is all on their way somewhere. and yet this feeling that even though i might be one of them, i’m stationary. as if i’m the one seeing them come and go, just because. as if i’m always going to be here and i am only here to see them do just that. i’ve been relocated temporarily for four years now, but i feel like i’m still watching and observing, just from afar, though at a greater distance. sometimes you feel detached, as if they are stories past and the same ties are not there anymore. and then there are the odd moments where, just because of the stark relativity, i might get whisked into one, then whisked back out. i guess i’m still looking for my continuum. or waiting to go back to my continuum?

maybe one day i’ll have a great story to tell. but maybe one day i’ll be the one leaving. so maybe then, i’ll really try to make sure i haven’t left for good… just because.

that just because was just…just because. some things are really just, just because. god this could be another post altogether. i like to resist sentimentality at all costs, unless i’m mocking it, but i’ve been getting a lot of just becauses lately. i guess just because could be like serendipity, chance, or luck…but those words don’t mean anything anymore. i guess my life right now is at a just because. the kind of things that you can’t explain, but still happen. or are happening. i dont know… i consider myself a cynic, head-first sort of person, whathaveyou. but strangely i’m liking these just becauses. they’re tantalizing, maddening, because you wanna explain it away. but it’s just because. my biggest just because is probably just the mere state of my mind, as of late. (generally speaking.) it’s…inexplicable. but great, in all its just becausian wonder. haha.

We’ve all heard the cliché “life is short, so make the best of every moment.” Well I have some news for you. This is totally, 100%, without a doubt WRONG!!!

Okay, it’s not completely wrong; certainly we should live life to the fullest.  But why do we assume “life is short?” Remember, we recently talked about how language can affect our reality. It seems to me that accepting that “life is short” is quite a limiting belief.

“Life is short” assumes a few things:

• You’re going to die younger than you want to.
• You’re going to die before you accomplish everything that you want to accomplish.
• Your life is over when your physical body deteriorates.
• Time is a restricting and limiting factor in your life.

Luckily for you, these assumptions are only true if you choose to let them be true. Let me explain…

In the book I’m currently reading, The Witch of Portobello by Paulo Coelho, there’s a profound statement that comes up during the dialog: “Every day has twenty four hours, but an infinite number of individual moments.”

Read that again to make sure you fully take it in: “…an INFINITE number of individual moments.”

And we’re probably all familiar with the line by George Carlin, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

Both these quotes explain the same concept, which is that Life is NOT measured by time as we understand it. It is not measured by how high we climb the corporate ladder; it’s not measured by all the things we accumulate; it’s not measured by the places we travel to; and it’s certainly not measured by the number of times we’ve been around the sun (our age).

Life is measured by the moments we spend in Love, Joy, and Peace. And actually, it isn’t even measured. Measuring is a function of Ego and living in the past. Measurements are only meaningful if there’s something to compare it to. You would never try to compare the amount of Love you have; Love is Love is Love.

And we’ve all experienced—even if just through a character in a book or movie, like Romeo & Juliet—how Love transcends the limits of our physical body. We inherently know that our Love travels with our Soul when it is time for us to pass on.

So instead of living Life to the fullest because we think it’s short, understand that Life is the moments we’re Loving, playing Joyfully, and experiencing Peace and Harmony. These moments are carried with us forever in our memories, and are created into stories and memories by those we touch, creating legacies that transcend the time we spend on Earth. (We won’t even get into the topic of Life not being limited to one lifetime on Earth.)

If you like this topic, and would like me to write more about how to experience Love and Joy on a regular basis, let me know in the comments below. And tell me specifically what your struggling with on this topic. Don’t be shy. We all have issues we’re working through. This is about all of us helping each other get to where we want to be.

Love & Light,
Matt

via

i missed him today.

there was a fire, and i don’t mean a fire in the we-burn-for-each-other kind, but a real honest to goodness fire with flames and smoke that had grown large and threatening within an arm’s length of me we were that close. the thrilling, suffocating smell of danger closed in on us as we ran down the stairs, away from our offices and unsaved work. it stopped just short of the entrance we left behind us.

in the sunlight, it was clear we were going to be okay; we smiled at each other in relief.

it hit me then.

i wanted to call him and let him know that for a fraction of a second, i felt my heart skip two beats: the first originating in fear, the second in sadness. i wanted to hear him whisper babe one more time, to detect a hint of worry in his outwardly calm demeanor, to hear him sigh with relief that i was safe. i wanted to be reassured, perhaps selfishly, that if i were to be gone tomorrow, there was one person outside my family whose world might shatter, suspend, or both, for an indecent amount of time and it would be him. i wanted to come home to his arms later that evening and feel them squeeze the breath out of me the way they do when we don’t see each other for weeks. in our time together, we were always traveling, or moving, or apart.

but i didn’t.

and he didn’t.

i missed him today. and he’ll never know. i wonder how he is.

Catinca

]]> http://rux212000.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/163/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:19:43 +0000 Ruxandra Kaitar http://rux212000.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/163/

to the light

]]> http://rux212000.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/161/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:17:46 +0000 Ruxandra Kaitar http://rux212000.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/161/

little ballerina

]]> http://moonlightpatches.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/when-one-gets-too-bored/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:55:46 +0000 Ran http://moonlightpatches.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/when-one-gets-too-bored/ http://simplelifeofwings.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/beautiful-flower/ Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:25:50 +0000 simplelifeofwings http://simplelifeofwings.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/beautiful-flower/

Darling~~~I really wan to thank u for the beautiful tulips that u give it to me and little girl….And we r really touch by ur effort and thought…I no that u just flew back in the morning fr holland and u must be very tired already but in the afternoon u still came personally just to make sure that the flower will in our hand somehow u make me feel like the 3 of us is in holland with ya… me and little girl was touch and speechless…So i decided to forgive u for the EARLY morning msg/call sometimes its killing me but…..we will still entertain you no matter what, it’s all worthy for our friendship. Thou the flowers may wither in time but this friendship, never will… Lurve you ‘stupid bitch‘….!”(wat little girl has say)….

To Human & Little Girl

Am sorry that after so long than i tell u all about the “STAR” cause i just wan everything to be “FIX” , “CLEAR” & “ARRANGE” before i tell u girls but nothing is gonna happen and I am not going to let it happen

But I just wanna let u girls no that am really happy to hav met u girls in my life LUV u girls & Squeeze u girls

 
No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope or fear;
But, grateful, take the good I find,
The best of now and here. ~John Greenleaf Whittier

Today I am thankful for my hands and for my feet. They allow me to be who I need to be~

My hands that prepare the food for our meals.. my hands that do my nurse work.. my hands that touch my children, my husband, my little animals, and my hands I use to create…

My feet that carry me where I need to go~ to school, to work, to my family and friend’s home. They carry me on long walks with my dogs.. 

This year I’ve learned I must focus on what is here, what is mine today.  I can not spend my time always looking back.  If I do then I will not be present for my today, and I can not always spend my time looking  ahead because tomorrow I may not be here.. 

To find your happiness and your peace you must be in the moment of right now.  To remember to be thankful for all that you have today, and all that you have had before today, and all that you will have tomorrow.

~Peace

Photo by VC Ferry

“Yet love enters my blood like an I.V.,
dripping in its little white moments.” – Anne Sexton

VC Ferry

All Rights Reserved

© 2009

Every day is a social experiment.  Generally by observation, but I have my own control and variables that I play with from time to time.  It’s no secret why some people are better received than others.  Granted, fitting into a mold – attractive but not to the extent that it’s threatening to either gender, casual, neat dress, a pleasant, polite disposition – helps in many circles.  Over the weekend, while riding a train into Boston, I watched as a shabbily dressed man pulled out a recorder and proceeded to play a mirthful (though at times clumsy) song to his fellow passengers.  From the cup on the floor in front of him I assumed he would have appreciated tips – which he did not receive – but in that moment, with the nighttime skyline of Boston in front of us while crossing the Longfellow Bridge, I couldn’t help but be happy to be alive.  In the meantime, a woman, who had been sitting next to the piper, changed seats with much exasperation.  I can’t imagine being so upset at an offering of joy thought I have to remember not to assume anything either.  Was what that man did art?  Maybe yes in the context of expressing one’s self, consequences be damned.  If it was an attempt for profit, it’s safe to assume that no attempt will always be less fruitful than even the most feeble one.  Whatever it was, it was a moment in my life.

There’s been a handful of times in my life I’ve been able to firmly say to myself, “From now on, things will be different.”  Twice, actually.  Once when I was 12 or 13, the other time at 19 or 20.  The first time was when I decided that being painfully shy no longer suited me (it may have had something to do with a first kiss) and the second was when I decided to become vegetarian.  Those particular days were just as arbitrary as the next, so I suppose today is just as good as any other day to attempt it once more.  What’s the change this time?  Taking care of myself, my body, and making the most of whatever time it is I have left.  Sounds a little general, a little existential at best, but it’s what needs to happen in order to best match my potential.  Moments that sum to a life.

Another week closer to any number of academic and personal deadlines, which is naturally the perfect time to also immerse myself in an internship/fellowship/temporary job search for 2010.  I’m looking in Boston, ideally something with what resembles full-time hours from February to some time in June or early July.  I intend to vacation, hard, for the rest of the summer.

Anyway, there’s a lot of what I consider clever lyrics in Them Crooked Vultures‘ recent self-titled release.  I particularly enjoy one song title, “Warsaw or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up.”  This is how it reads to me: Giving up is not necessarily defeat.  It may be rejecting the notion of striving towards something you don’t want.  When you realize you no longer have to do that, that next breath is indeed sweet.  Just let your troubles go.  It’s that easy.

“I get high – now you’ve got something to look up to” – “Warsaw or The First Breath You Take After You Give Up” – Them Crooked Vultures

*sweatdrop*

I’ve crossed over to the dark side. I really have.

I spent pretty much my entire weekend listening to one song.

GUESS. JUST GUESS.

..

..

JUSTIN BIEBER.

-shot-

T.T

I CAN’T HELP IT. THE SONG’S JUST SO DAMN CATCHY.

It’s ” Love Me” by the way…

T.T

BLAME THE PEOPLE IN MY GEOGRAPHY CLASS.

Speaking of which… XDDD

Last Friday in Geo, we had this group project we were working on, so our teacher decided to let us listen to music from Youtube while we worked. ( Yes… that’s when one of the girls decided to play Justin Bieber)

Near the end of class, the Backstreet Boys ” I Want It That Way” started blaring, so naturally, everyone started to sing along.

We were really loud…

And then this random Grade 12 walks by, and stops and stares at us.

” WTF?”

At that moment, the song just happened to play, ” I WANT IT THAT WAY~”

Which of course, led me to scream out, ” THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.”

And what made it better was the Grade 12 dude yelled it out the exact same time as me.

He gave me a high five.

I felt so proud of myself.

I love high school. XD The people are awesome.

Egyszer volt, hol nem volt….

Volt egy nagy ház. Hatalmas kerttel.  A kert végében volt egy kis tó.  Már sok éve “létezett” ott, a kert végében, csendesen, nyugodtan, átlátszó, kristálytiszta vízzel… Időről időre befagyott.. De utána újra és újra felolvadt, akár úgy is mondhatnám, feléledt.

Pontosan, napra pontosan 3 évvel ezelőtt valami felkavarta a tó nyugalmát… Hideg novemberi délután volt… Talán a hőmérséklet nulla fok alá is csökkent, de a tó csak lágyan hullámzott, és szinte langyos volt a vize…

Újév első napján a tavacska már vadul hullámzott, és a víz.. a víz szinte égetően forró volt.  Egy hónappal később beledobtak egy követ… Ez megzavarta a tó sajátos nyugalmát,  a hullámok szabálytalanul csapkodták a partszéli sziklákat…

Aztán csend. Hirtelen csend. De nem megnyugtató csend. Feszült, kínokkal teli csend.  A tó befagyott. Újra.  Akkor azt hitte(m) örökre.

Tavaszodott. Feléledt a táj. Kizöldültek a növények.  Viszont a tavacskát hideg, kristályosan csillogó, kőkemény jég borította.  Senki sem értette miért. Nyárra már elfogadták az emberek a természet e furcsa “jelenségét”.

Júliusban megrepedezett a jég… A teteje talán olvadni is kezdett… Aztán újra fagy. A nyár közepén. Az emberek ebből a gyors változásból semmit nem vettek észre. Ami azt illeti, nem is foglalkoztak a tavacskával..

November 23-án  valami megmozdult a jég alatt.  De a tó már nem kockáztatott.  Az átmeneti kis felmelegedés sem tartott tovább márciusnál, és újra visszaállt a már megszokott bizarr rend.  Fél évig vastag jágpáncél védte mindentől és mindenkitől, de október 24 környékén ismét felbukkant a régi jelenség, és a páncél repedezni kezdett.

Még aznap éjjel darabokra is tört. Nem bírta tovább elviselni…  Ismét hullámok csaptak fel. Dühös hullámok. A felejtés hullámai.  Akkor megjelent valami. Örökre megváltozott minden. Véglegesen. Ekkor olyan történt, amit eddig a világegyetemben egyetlen tó(???) sem produkált.

Megtanult gyűlölni. Ismét megdermedt, esküdözve magának, hogy többé nem fog felolvadni.  Biztosra ment. Befagyott teljesen, és ez már nem egy tó volt. Egy hatalmas, ám a kerthez képest apró jégdarab egy mederben.  Lassan egy éve áll így a tónak már nem mondható jégtömb a mederben, szilárdan rezzenéstelenül.

De… Valami ismét olvadásra kényszeríti. Hirtelen. Valami ismeretlen.

Vajon képes lesz(ek) a megbírkózni az elkövetkező eseményekkel, vagy örökre jégbefagyva marad(ok)?

xoxo