Important preliminary explanation: CHOLENT – A greasy stew made up of any or all variety of beans, barley, pulses, spuds, carrots and lumps of unidentifiable meat (or without for the vegetarian version) etc which is slow cooked overnight from before the start of Sabbath on Friday evening and generally eaten by Jewish people for Saturday lunch. Origins in eastern European Jewish communities from a long time ago to provide warmth through the bitter winters. Etymological root said to be the French “chaud lent” – slow heat. (For other unfamiliar terms, please refer to the “Glossary for the uninitiated” at the bottom of this post)

Question: Surely cholent – that stodgy, heavy, greasy stew that many of us Ashkenazi Yidden are partial to, the one that makes you need to collapse heaving, rendered immobile, on the sofa for many an hour on a Shabbos afternoon, should only and ever be eaten for Shabbos lunch (usually after a long and arduous stint in shul in the morning), and never at any other time in the week?

Answer: YES if you live anywhere in the whole world except for Monsey. NO if you live in Monsey.

For you see, I have just returned from a most pleasant and insightful weekend spent at my sister-in-law and brother-law and family who live in the most pleasant locale of Monsey, a smallish, mediumish, largeish town in upstate New York. And in Monsey you will discover, cholent has taken on an omnipresent, omniscient, all-singing all-dancing presence.

For Monsey is not what it first seems – a typically small-town American small town. It is in fact a modern-day shtetl set in modern-day USA where thousands of Hassidic and other types of Jews have made their home. Here you can find Mordechai the Jewish locksmith, Benyomin the Jewish hauler, Mr Glatt the kosher butcher, and so on and so on.

And this is where the cholent story comes in. For in Monsey, you can now buy cholent ANYWHERE! ANYTIME! No longer sold on Friday afternoons before Shabbos, the cholent scourge is creeping earlier and earlier back in the week. You now have to cringe at that unmistakeably overpowering cholenty smell when you pop down to your local bagel shop for breakfast of a Thursday morning.

And much much crazier than that, you can now go down to your local Jewish-owned Shell garage, and while you fill up your massive American automobile, you can nip into the garage shop and buy a bowl of STEAMING HOT FRESH CHOLENT bubbling on a giant-sized hotplate!!!

According to a well-informed local source, the Shell garage is only one of a number of local “cholent hang-outs” where the chow is now on sale most nights of the week, and where some young Hassidic men and women go to surreptitiously eye each other up over a bowl of the unctuous stuff. In fact, my source claims it is only a matter of time until the said-cholent-guzzlers are, shock horror, chatting each other up à la “So how’s your kishka?” Surely not! Horror of horrors! A slippery slope! Where will this end!

And if that were not bad enough, these Jews – generally so punctilious about eating only strictly kosher food stamped with a hundred or so proofs of its “kosherness” by a whole gamut of rabbis – are apparently eating cholent WITHOUT A HECHSHER ON IT! Stop! Say no more!

(OK, so I’m exaggerating a little bit – it’s not really as bad as it sounds, for the cholent is made by none other than the extremely frum garage owner’s extremely frum wife. But even so, they should know better.)

Indeed, there have been sightings of said Shell garage owner scurrying back and forth between his garage and his nearby home weighed down by huge steaming pots of the stuff. Unconfirmed reports state that his cholent revenues now vastly exceed his petrol revenues.

Next visit to Monsey, make no mistake about it, I’m making a pilgrimage to this cholent heaven to sample for myself. Pictures to follow.

Glossary for the uninitiated:

ASHKENAZI: Jews originating from central and eastern Europe, who tend to be pale of skin and whose ancestors probably spoke Yiddish at some point or another.

YIDDEN: “Jews” in Yiddish.

SHABBOS: The Jewish Sabbath, or day of rest, beginning Friday sundown and ending Saturday sundown. Also pronounced “Shabbat”.

SHTETL: A close-knit Jewish community, where everyone knows each other’s business. The term was first used to refer to such communities in eastern Europe in previous centuries.

SHUL: Synagogue

HECHSHER: A certificate proving that restaurants, packaged food etc are kosher.

FRUM: A Yiddish term to denote Orthodox or practising Jews.

This post is dedicated to Family Kind

A special mazel tov to our shul gabbai Yossie & Malkie Stern upon the engagement of their daughter Penina late Thursday night to Motti Braun, son of Rabbi & Mrs. Yisroel Chaim Braun of Monsey. The Vort will be held on Sunday night Oct. 18th at the Stern home 1160 E. 19th St (K-L), between the hours of 5-8. Everyone is invited to the vort. May they have much nachass and we should continue to share in simchos together.

I was doing great. I barely shed a tear today, leaving my KoD in Monsey after two and a half weeks together. My lower lip trembled but I didn’t give in. I was strong. I was mature – this is part of what we signed on for, and it won’t have to happen too many more times. Soon enough we will have our visas and 333 mile drives will be a thing of the past.

The radio was my undoing 3 hours later. Chicago. “Hard to Say I’m Sorry”. It came on the radio and just triggered the most humongous outpouring of tears. We hadn’t fought, so it wasn’t that. It was the first line “Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other” – and my heart was crying out that it wasn’t true. I don’t need time away from the KoD. I crave time with him. Being apart from him is the worst feeling. At that point, closer to Montreal than to Monsey I seriously considered just turning the car around at the next exit. You cannot imagine the ache I felt inside, knowing I was driving towards my boys and away from my husband. The tears just didn’t stop.

I wanted to be able to know that I kept it together the whole way home. I haven’t yet managed to do that. I should have known better than to listen to the radio. After that almost every song made me cry. Even Hotel California – oy, don’t even ask lol!!

And no, there was no envelope from the Consulate waiting for me…tomorrow is another day.

I leave you with Chicago. Hard to Say I’m Sorry

It’s a well documented fact that Jews live with Jews. The 5 Towns, Teaneck, Englewood, Skokie, etc. Anyway, point made. This makes living anywhere else a real shlep.

My wife and I live in Montclair, NJ – and the overwhelming response we get from (at least Orthodox) Jews is “Montclair? Where is that?!” – when we explain that it’s right next to Clifton, Passaic, and West Orange, they heave a sigh and normally say something like “Oh, we know where THOSE places are.” And before you can slip into a comfortable topic like the weather – the follow-up question is, without fail, “WHY?!

Well, folks – here’s my answer:
Montclair, New Jersey is really nice. It’s got clean streets, cute shops, nice cafes and nice people all around. Naturally, there are no Jews. Why, oh why do we Jews insist on living in messy, slightly-tilted, non-gentrified areas? Far Rockaway, Staten Island, Passaic (yes, Passaic), some parts of Teaneck.

At first I thought it was because of price and affordability, which would be completely and totally acceptable. However, after moving to Montclair, and paying a really decent rent in a neighborhood with close to zero crime, no vagrancy, paved streets, and reasonable apartment rentals, I decided that it’s a self-inflicted choice on their part. You have the choice – you can live in a nice town with no crack addicts and polished roads, and you choose to live on the other side of the tracks. Or am I just pissed because there are no Jews in my area, and I wish I could have my cholent and eat it too?

When I was in Yeshiva, I used to get annoyed when I went to simchas with place cards. While my friends who were younger than I, but married, had place cards that read Rabbi K.., and Rabbi H…, mine invariably read Yonason Gwertz (which should really be YeHOnason, and don’t get me started on Gewirtz…) or simply Jonny. It especially bothered me after I was halfway to getting my Semicha. “I am closer to being a Rabbi than these guys,” I would think to myself. “Just because they’re married they get treated differently?”

The truth is, there was good precedent for such treatment. I heard that the Alter of Slabodka would ask a new person in the Bais Medrash, “Bist du a bochur, oder zeit ir a yungerman?” He used the more respectful “ir” if they were married.

As I got older, I realized that the name didn’t mean that much. It got to a point where I told the Gabbai in shul only to call me HaRav if my mother or mother-in-law were present. I realized that to really deserve the name, I had to learn and do so much more. (Though sometimes when I make a MiShebeirach for my family I will say, ‘bas HaRav…’ – it’s never too early to start thinking about shidduchim.)

A few weeks ago, Klal Yisrael and the world were shaken by the tremendous Chillul HaShem perpetrated with the announcement that numerous people were arrested for various illegal activities, “among them Rabbis and politicians.”

Unfortunately, many people weren’t as upset that the name of HaKadosh Baruch Hu was tarnished as they were that the media “automatically calls anyone with a yarmulke a Rabbi.” People railed against the anti-semitism, the yellow journalism, and the chutzpah. I didn’t get it. It seemed to me that there WERE rabbis among the people who were arrested, so why was everyone upset about that?

I think the problem is a larger issue. These people are upset about laypeople being called rabbis because if every Jew was a rabbi, then EVERYONE would have to live up to a higher standard, including them! These people who spend their time gossiping, accusing, wasting precious moments and doing very un-Jewish things might themselves one day be called rabbis and that would be terrible.

I mentioned to a friend that in a nursing home one day, an elderly woman greeted me with a, “Good afternoon, Rabbi.” He was incensed. “You should tell her, ‘I’m sorry, I’m not a rabbi.’” “Why?” I asked. “Because a rabbi is a higher level,” he fumed, “they have higher standards.”

I beg to differ. As I understood it, in the non-Jewish world, a priest is holy, the average people are not. When you want to get a little holiness you go to the priest (Rachmona litzlan) and then you go back to being yourself. But as Yidden, we are ALL holy. A rabbi is just someone who is more knowledgable and is capable of teaching you how to be holy, like he is. The word Rabbi means Master or teacher, not priest.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but R’ Moshe Feinstein z”l didn’t have a bigger chiyuv than me to put on Tefillen, and the Chofetz Chaim z”l wasn’t commanded to watch his tongue any more than me. Of course, the bigger the stature the bigger responsibility to prevent even the remotest possibility of a person believing some impropriety took place, as it can cause a greater chillul HaShem, but basic halacha is the same for all of us.

The story is famously told of R’ Shimon Schwab z”l who was told that a frum Yid stole some money and was going to jail. R’ Schwab said it wasn’t true. When the fellow assured it that it was an actual occurrence, the sage responded, “It can’t be true. If he stole money, he’s not a FRUM Jew!”

Now, getting back to the way “Frum” Jews are portrayed in the media when they get caught doing something wrong, or even if they are innocent, but it’s perceived that they did something wrong, let’s look at what they’re really saying. When they say, “Bernie Green, a Jew from New York, was arrested for embezzling seventy million dollars,” we complain that they wouldn’t say, “Albert O’Toole, an Irish Catholic, was arrested for blowing up a church.” But why do they focus on our being Jewish? For the same reason they may call someone a rabbi even when he doesn’t have semicha, like my friends at the weddings.
When my friends were called Rabbi, it was a sign of respect. These were people who were learning in Kollel, who dedicated their lives to serving HaShem. Even if technically they weren’t rabbis, they represented what it means to be a rabbi. Whoever wrote those place cards understood that they should be looked up to.

Klal Yisrael is an ‘am kohanim,’ a nation of priests. To the nations of the world, we represent the spirit of the Ribono Shel Olam, and what He stands for. They come to us for some holiness. When they see someone who looks the part, whose behavior proclaims his righteousness as he davens and gives lots of tzedaka, they see a rabbi, even if the person shouldn’t technically even be called a “frum Yid.”

The problem is that we don’t want to see ourselves in that light. We want to be just like the next guy. Bernie Green is no different that Albert O’Toole or Mohammed Khafui or Yochanan Schwartzman. We’re all capable of doing things that are wrong with our biggest regret being that we got caught.

But that’s not how HaShem sees it. To Him, we ARE rabbis. We are teachers, and are meant to be examples for the rest of the world. As Shmuel HaNavi said to Shaul HaMelech, “If you are small in your own eyes, [realize that] you are the leader of the Tribes of Israel!”

We can’t complain if people call us rabbis. That shouldn’t bother us. What should bother us is if we don’t act like rabbis – every single one of us. As the Gerrer Rebbe said to the young man who told him, “I learn in Ohr Somayach… b-but I’m NOT a baal Teshuva!”

Said the Rebbe, “Nu, fahr vos nisht?” (And why not?)

It’s been a while since I posted, but I have to say something.

The past week has brought terrible issues to the fore. Day after day, corruption, theft, cheating, and yarmulkas and beards in mug shots. WHAT’S GOING ON???!!!

There is a fascinating Midrash in Eicha (the megilla we will read Tisha B’Av evening.) In it, Abraham asks the Al-mighty why his children have been sent into exile, with their Temple destroyed.

G-d answered that there were two reasons: First, they served other gods. Second, they rejoiced at the downfall of their brethren.

It seems to me that the connection between this Midrash and the events of the past week is striking.

When people steal, cheat, or lie to make money, as the charges against the various Jews state, they are inherently denying the ability of the Master of the World to provide for them. They feel they must do what they do to make money. This is idolatrous.

In fact, this mistake is two-fold. They abandon G-d Who is the source of all good in the world, and depend on other things. More than that, those other things cannot help them, and are in fact very dangerous!

Instead of punishing them directly, G-d says, “OK, you think you can do it on your own? Go ahead. Let’s see.”

Whether it was money-laundering, stealing mail, or taking government subsidies illegally, all the people who participate in these acts essentially are denying G-d and His Divine Providence. At the same time, they worship Him in some ways, a behavior truly typical of idol-worshipers with multiple gods of varying powers and purviews.

That’s the idol worship part. What about the second piece, the feeling of smug satisfaction from others when they see these people falling or being dragged into court?

We who are witnessing these events, must be disgusted by the chillul HaShem, the desecration of G-d’s holy name and the tarnishment of His reputation which comes as a result of the action of “His People.”

At the same time, we must feel for these poor souls who felt so bereft that they needed to resort to falsehood and trickery. Perhaps it was arrogance which motivated them, arrogance which will keep them from the sphere of HaShem’s countenance, as He cannot dwell with someone who is arrogant.

Instead of talking about these people, or disparaging stereotypes, we must pray for them and pity them. We must ask that they fall into the hands of G-d, not the hands of Man, for His mercy is great, while Man can be ruthless.

Further, we must strengthen our own faith that despite setbacks, HaShem is carefully orchestrating all events. We must remind ourselves that the only way to succeed is to follow His rules, the rules He set up to run the world.

These things are coming to a head just in time for Tisha B’Av. Someone told me Tisha B’Av is a yucky day and you just have to get through it however you can.

I disagree. Tisha B’Av is a time of supreme closeness. A parent must get very close to his child to spank him and this is a time when HaShem is close. When a child is punished, he can cry and apologize, and his father will hug him and wipe away the tears.

These events have brought this to the fore. We are so far away from our father that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Let’s stop and realize that He has orchestrated all the arrests to happen at just this time not because He wants to punish us, but because He wants to bring us home.

We can’t change what these people are accused of doing, but we can change our response to them. We don’t need to accuse and point fingers, there’s enough of that.

Our job is to feel for all our brothers and sisters and be saddened when they fall, spiritually, financially, or otherwise.

If we do that, then we will have turned the message of Tisha B’Av into a lesson learned, and we may be able to come home again. If not, we are just as corrupt and off base as those who think they can take matters into their “own hands.”

But that’s just my outlook. What’s yours?

I can only add emphasis to what the rabbi says (and he does say it well). If you’re Jewish, you have one of three things in your head: that Judaism has a worthwhile message for yourself, your family, your community and indeed the whole world, else that the Jewish nation is just the same as everyone else (i.e. no special message), or you don’t think at all, comfortably numbed as you are by all the fleeting amusements of existence you flutter to and from and back to once again.

The third clearly being both quite common and the most distressing.

If you sincerely, earnestly, enthusiastically and lovingly think Israel as a nation has a winning formula that can enhance the lives of everyone it touches with even the smallest change in outlook and behaviour, there’s nothing more galling than having upstarts clearly identifiable as Jews strutting about garbling that message for you.

 My favourite sound bite from R’ Horowitz – and you’ll all choose your own, I’m sure – was:

‘Stoning police and motorists on the Shabbat is a greater desecration of God’s name than all the secular Israelis driving on the holy day’

Burning tyre

One commentator suggested that benefactors should withhold funds to the yeshivot or community projects whose members are amongst the crowd of violent protestors. I think the idea has merit, though there might be other ways, but if you go down the financial route I certainly would extend it all the way to any rabbi of such communities or yeshivot that does not speak out against these misguided ‘hooligans’, to borrow an apt phrase.

US Rabbi: Haredi leaders should slam violence

Jul. 7, 2009 Etgar Lefkovits , THE JERUSALEM POST

An American haredi rabbi is urging haredi rabbinical leaders in Israel to publicly condemn the violent haredi protests against Shabbat desecration in Jerusalem, linked to the opening of a parking lot near the Old City to accommodate weekend visitors to the capital. The initiative by Rabbi Yakov Horowitz of Monsey, New York, a haredi educator who has repeatedly condemned haredi violence in the past, comes after three weekends of violent demonstrations by hundreds of haredim in Jerusalem over the Shabbat opening of the parking lot, and on the eve of a planned haredi prayer vigil Wednesday afternoon near City Hall.

“This type of violence is against everything that the Torah stands for and is an ugly perversion of Torah values,” Horowitz told The Jerusalem Post on Tuesday, in a telephone interview from New York. Horowitz said that by not speaking out publicly against the violence, even though they oppose it, haredi leaders are empowering extremists in the community.

“The tragedy is that people in our community are not speaking out against this publicly and distancing themselves from it,” he said. “We, the silent overwhelming majority, are allowing these hooligans to speak for us.”

 The American rabbi, who has spearheaded an e-mail campaign against the violence via his Web site (www.rabbihorowitz.com) and is also working to get haredi leaders to speak out against such violent protests, says that he wants the leaders of the haredi community to publicly disassociate themselves from the violence. “We are to blame for the fact that the guy with the rock is our spokesman, because we didn’t fire him years ago,” he said. Horowitz said that it was wrong for rabbinical leaders to be passive about condemning the violence, assuming that people know they condemn it, noting that while many rabbis and leaders decry the violence to their students and congregants, their message is not getting out to the general population.

“Our lack of speaking out and distancing ourselves is perpetuating this distorted view that this type of violence is somehow following the Torah’s ways,” he said. “Nothing could be further from the truth.”

The New York rabbi said that stoning police and motorists on the Shabbat was a greater desecration of God’s name than all the secular Israelis driving on the holy day.

The protests, which have been organized by the Eda Haredit sect, were in response to the Jerusalem Municipality’s decision to open a parking lot on Shabbat at the urging of police, who said that double-parking on major city thoroughfares on Shabbat due to a dearth of parking spaces was causing a safety hazard.

“Maybe [the Eda Haredit protest organizers] should worry more about the hundreds of our sons and daughters who are in Israeli clubs on Friday night smoking pot, than worrying about secular Jews parking their cars on Shabbos,” Horowitz wrote on his Web site, in a column entitled “The Nauseating Violence in Eretz Yisroel.”

“Maybe [they] should worry more about the pedophiles in our community who are violating children, more than those outside our community who are violating Shabbos.”

Ok, folks, up here in Montreal there are no kosher Subway franchises, Dunkin Donuts is not kosher nor is it ever likely to have a kosher place here either. Us Orthodox Montreal folks are really big on doing nothing to promote Ma’arat Ayin – the appearance of doing something wrong.

When I visited Brooklyn last summer and first stepped into kosher Dunkin Donuts and Subway I really felt like I was eating treife. It just seemed weird. I have been to a few more Dunkin Donuts since then, and in Israel we did Burger King and Kentucky Fried Chicken and tried a Pizza Hut too.

On a Sunday afternoon there are plenty of things to do in NY (as everywhere else) – laundry, cleaning, cooking, but the kids don’t really like that kind of activity, so you want to look for something fun and inexpensive for them to do. Apparently there is a place called Chuck E Cheese which has lots of Arcade games and stuff for kids to put tokens in and win prizes. Awesomeness. Ok sure, let’s go there! Kids will have fun and stop whining that they are bored. What? It’s a treife restaurant too?

I dunno, it just felt kinda weird – going to a treife restaurant to play games? Not really my thing, but when in Rome and all that. So we go in, they stamp our hands with the same UV number, different from everyone else – that’s to make sure that when we leave we leave with our own kids who have the same code. Smart.

The place is huge with all different games and pinball machines etc. We got tokens for the kids and off they went to have a blast. The restaurant and eating area was separate from the gaming area – and it wasn’t obviously a restaurant in my opinion.

Once the kids were all settled I looked at the mix of people around me – white, black, asian, latino….and chassidish?? What? Ok, I am not exactly irreligious, far from it, but my boys in their baseball caps and short trousers don’t look obviously Jewish and kinda blended in. If I, a modern orthodox woman, had issues going into Chuck E Cheese – what about the Chassidim? I mean, what if the Rebbe hears that they went to a treife restaurant? The Ma’arat Ayin would be huge for them. (It would be huge for me too…..but MOs are not held to the same standard as Chassidim).

From what I have heard before and since, the Monsey community in general is OK with the kids going to play in Chuck E Cheese (ok come Chuck E Cheese, pay me a royalty for everytime I say your name, ok?? Speak to my agent…..). We know they aren’t going there for the food, I don’t think my children even noticed that they sold food there! They were too busy winning their prizes and having good clean fun.

Truth is – if there was something similar here there is no way I would have taken my kids. It is just not done up here. Are we more discerning about where we take our kids, or are we more afraid of what people might think? We are told to be dan l’chaf z’chut – to judge favourably – but why put someone in that position to even think to judge you?

I went along with it because it sounded like fun for the kids and they had a great time. There was a huge weirdness and ick element in it for me, but that didn’t stop their enjoyment. Would I go again? Probably….but only because it seems to be socially acceptable in our community there.

What are your thoughts? Do standards change community to community? Place to place? Was this acceptable? Would it be to you? if you are chassidish what are your thoughts? (and why are you on the internet )

I’m the candyman in shul and a kid asked me the most amazing question. He had already taken a lollipop, then said to me, “Can I take one for my brother?” of course the answer was yes.

I think that’s the kind of question you will ALWAYS get a yes to. When you’re thinking about someone else and going beyond your own desires it’s almost magical.

I believe HaShem works that way too, so let’s have others in our thoughts and prayers.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel like I am living a schizophrenic type of lifestyle. My life is here in Montreal with the kids, where I have been for sixteen years. My future is in Monsey with my husband the KoD. I visit there often – with and without the kids, mainly without as we don’t want to interrupt their schedule too much.

I am slowly learning my way around my new neighbourhood in Monsey. I have made some great awesome life-long friends, reconnected with an old friend who just happens to live right round the corner. (We went to Bnei Akiva together. He went to school with my brother). I have connected with many people in the neighbourhood (ok I will learn how to spell in the American way once I move, k?) that I just know will become friends.

I am learning my way to the grocery store, Walmart, Dunkin Donuts and the schools too. I am slowly getting the feel of the place.

I feel so at home there. I guess I should look at it as how fortunate I am that I have two homes, but the truth of the matter is that neither place is completely home without all of my 5 main males.

The I-87 has been well travelled in the past few months by myself and the KoD. There are so many markers on the way – just passed the flag in the middle of the road, just passed the boat on the side of the road – little things that show us how close we are getting to each other.

It does get confusing though – I know I bought more milk – only to realize I bought it for the other place. I just cleaned too – but that was there not here….

I wake up sometimes not sure of where I am…..but the likelihood is that I am still in Montreal because that is where I am to stay until we are granted our visas. I will visit the KoD as much as I can – he will come up here too. It’s not going to be perfect, but that is our current reality. We hope and pray that the visas come through soon so I can be full time in ONE place, Monsey, with the kids and my KoD, under one roof, living happily ever after.

We drove home from Monsey this week after Shabbos and Malava Malka and it wasn’t until around 1:30 AM that we were near our school. There were three of us in the car, and we were feeling inspire from a great Shabbos and the Jewish acapella we were listening to (sefira!). 

As we got near the school we see the people in the car next to us waving frantically. The car is full of college guys with gelled hair. Our friend in the backseat thought that it was someone we knew, and I thought the guys were telling us about a flat tire or something. We rolled the window down, only to get hit on. 
Guys: Where you ladies going tonight?
Meira: BACK TO SCHOOL!
Tsivia: To sleep!!!

This isn’t a big deal to most college girls, but we are coming from a different place. This is not the world we grew up in, and we have pasts. Being tznius is not an easy thing, and it’s much harder when you feel you are being degraded by random guys on a semi-regular basis.

This is a perfect example of where two worlds that probably shouldn’t meet do, and there isn’t anything we can do about it.

-Tsivia

Originally printed in Front Page magazine – May 1, 2009
A Father’s Love
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
Several years ago, I was fortunate enough to spend Yom Tov at a hotel where Rabbi Yissachar Frand was the “scholar-in-residence.” He spoke by the different tefillos and gave lectures throughout. I saw people accosting him all day and night with questions and comments.
While I might have approached him, I felt bad bothering him when so many others already had. I noticed that in the dining room, his table had a partition around it, presumably to afford his family at least a modicum of privacy during their meals. It was therefore with hesitation that I approached and parted the curtains before lunch one day.
“I’m sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy” I began, as he looked up from the table, “but I just wanted to tell you what a nice young man your son is. He came over to me and made conversation, and was really so outgoing. It was a pleasure speaking to him and I wanted to let you know.”
He broke out into a huge grin and said, “Let me tell you something. A father is never too busy to hear something nice about his child. Thank you for telling me.”
His reaction really stuck with me. Since then, I’ve made it a point to tell people nice things about their kids and invariably they take great pleasure in the compliments. It’s unusual, I guess, because most of us just take things for granted. Taking the time to say something really makes a difference though. As they say, “If you see something, say something.”
When it comes to my own children, I know I love hearing nice things about them, but of course, as we age, the stories of a job well done become rarer. Again, I think it’s because of expectations. It should be a priority for all of us to say nice things about our children and other people’s as well.
I also realized that when my children are fighting, it upsets me. If one tattles on the other and says something mean, I tell her, “Don’t talk that way about my daughter!” Even when it’s from our own kids, we want to hear good things about our children.
I can attest to the fact that I let them get away with a lot more when they’re playing nicely together, and that I’m quicker to be strict when they aren’t getting along with each other. Sometimes I wonder if they understand that when they complain about their siblings I’m not running to their rescue because it makes me look critically at them as well. I feel like they think that if they convince me that “she made a mean face at me” or “she took my book without asking” I will suddenly cast aside any love I have for the other child and focus on the complainer’s needs alone.
Maybe it’s just me, but that’s not how I roll. I’m quicker to be generous when my child says something nice about her sister, or when she suffers in silence. I notice what goes on, and I have my own reasons behind when and to what I choose to respond. Let’s extrapolate that.
I’m a father, who loves his children, yet when they harm each other, I prefer to deal with it on my own instead of having them accuse each other. When they misbehave, but do it together, I have more patience because of the pleasure I get from seeing them interact peacefully and with love.
HaKadosh Baruch Hu is Our Father too. He has His methods of punishing bad behavior, and He doesn’t miss anything. Parents are supposed to have eyes in the back of their heads; HaShem has eyes everywhere. We sometimes misbehave, and he has to deal with it.
Now that I know how I am as a father, and I know that Rabbi Frand feels the same way about hearing nice things about his kids, I think it’s a pretty safe bet that it’s the same way HaShem feels about His kids.
If we complain about others and are critical of them, HaShem is more likely (based solely on my own self-assessment, of course) to look critically at us. We don’t need to tell Him their shortcomings because He already knows them. In fact, He probably put them there in the first place!
By putting people down, we’re speaking ill of HaShem’s children. As a father, I know how speaking bad about my children would upset me – why should HaShem be any different? Is it any wonder that when people don’t treat each other nicely bad things happen?
If you’re reading this, and thinking that I can’t possibly know what HaShem’s feelings are, I’d like to make one more point. I already know that other fathers are happy when they hear nice things about their kids, and now I can prove that when we don’t get along and disparage HaShem’s children bad things happen.
The Talmidim of R’ Akiva were so great and yet they died during the time of the Sefira. Why? Because they did not treat each other with honor. In other words, they didn’t speak nicely about HaShem’s children! My theory is much more closer to being proved, and there are Chazals which will bear it out.
So the next time you have the chance to say something nice about a fellow Jew, even if there’s even more to say that isn’t nice, give the Ribono Shel Olam the nachas of speaking nicely about His children. If we show Him we can get along, we will realize that our lives are much richer, much more peaceful, and we will be protected from all harm.
There’s an expression that goes: ‘If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.’ While that is something, it’s far from ideal. Instead, I favor a different expression I heard, one that we should all try to maximize, especially during the days of the Sefira: ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, you’re not trying hard enough.’
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The author is a regular contributor to The Front Page who cringes when he hears people speaking harshly about each other. Name-calling grates on his ears and should on yours too. Please take the next twenty-four hours to be conscious of praising people, and forgetting to mention their faults. Get a free subscription to my weekly Dvar Torah in English via e-mail. Just e-mail Subscribe to info@JewishSpeechWriter.com.
© 2009 by Jonathan Gewirtz. All rights reserved.

After a hiatus for Pesach, I’m back. This is a thought I had on Shabbos about two weeks ago.

I was walking to shul and noticed a plane moving very quickly across the sky. Other times, I noted, we see planes flying very slowly, as if they are almost not moving. What’s the difference?

The answer is that the plane flying “quicker” is just flying at a much lower altitude so its motion is more noticeable. The plane that flies higher is actually moving much faster but we can’t see it because of the distance.

It made me think about something. We often wonder why HaShem isn’t doing anything about world problems, people who should be rewarded, punished, etc. Of course, it’s ridiculous for us to ask these things because of perception of world events is limited to a brief finite glimpse in time.

However, the airplane incident made me think about this: We stand on earth and watch events unfold. They seem to happen very quickly. That’s because they’re low and close to the ground.

Meanwhile, the Master of the World has already had His works in motion long before what we see, transcending much further distances, places, and times. We don’t perceive it though because He is so far above our comprehension.

We can adjust our attitudes by taking into account His altitude.

The Observant Jew
That’s What It’s For
By Rabbi Jonathan Gewirtz
One Friday, my wife called me. She had purchased a dress that she wanted to wear for Shabbos, but she didn’t have the coupons she thought she would have by then, and the only way to get the credit was to keep the tags on. What should she do?
“Do you want to wear the dress for this Shabbos?” I asked. “Yes,” she replied.
“Then the extra money is for kavod Shabbos. It’s worth it. (Maybe I spoke too soon; I didn’t know how much the dress cost…)”
An hour later, she called to tell me she had found a better coupon than she was expecting and she was on the way to the store to get the credit. She got the money back AND got to wear it for Shabbos. And I got the zechus of honoring both my wife AND Shabbos and it didn’t cost me a penny!
I could have told her to wait and wear something else, and planned to save the money, but what am I saving it for? Chazal tell us that righteous people value their money more than their own bodies. This is often misconstrued that money has importance of its own. Far from it. The tzadikim love money because of what they can do with it.
Here, I had an opportunity to honor Shabbos, a special day for cultivating our relationship with HaShem, and it would only cost me a few dollars. On top of that, I had a chance to spend money on my wife, who takes care of me and my children; enables me to learn Torah, often sending me out to a shiur even when I’m exhausted; who encourages me and is proud of how I try to help people and inspire them with my writing and speaking; and who is herself such a good and caring friend to so many. I had a chance to do something for a person like that, do you think I’d let such an opportunity slip away from me?
It’s funny. People often hesitate to spend money on their wives and on Shabbos, yet Chazal have told us that these things are segulos for becoming wealthy. They think that by being stingy they will have more money, but in reality they are choking off the sources of bracha in their life.
Of course, being stingy is nothing new. The very first person to be stingy was recorded in the Torah. His name was Kayin. Heard of him? He brought a korban to HaShem which was a great idea. The problem was that he was cheap about it so HaShem ignored it. HaShem told him that if he ever wanted to succeed he had to spend money when it came to spiritual things. Hevel, of course did that right off the bat, when he brought from the best of his flocks and HaShem sent him an immediate sign of acceptance and approval.
But what’s considered spiritual uses of money? Of course you understand that buying good food for Shabbos is that way, and giving tzedaka to a poor person is too. But what about energizing your “mundane” expenditures with a boost of ruchnius?
A friend who cleans carpets told me a harrowing story. A very frum woman called him to her home for an estimate. He quoted her a reasonable price and she began to haggle. “Last year, a non-Jewish carpet cleaner quoted me ten dollars cheaper. Either you go down in your price or I’m going to call the Goy.” That was it. Her money was more valuable to her than patronizing a Jew. Was she right?
Rashi in Parshas Behar quotes a Toras Kohanim that states that one should patronize a Jew when possible. Although this is not recorded as law in the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch, the Chofetz Chayim in Ahavas Chesed and Nesiv HaChesed rules that one should follow this policy. Even if the Jewish-owned business is located a bit further away and it will take longer to shop there, or it costs a little more, it is still a mitzvah to give preference to the Jewish-owned establishment. Poskim discuss how much more one should spend to do business with a Jew. Most say somewhere between a fifth and a sixth (15% – 20%) more is appropriate. The Chofetz Chaim says this is one of the highest forms of tzedaka, using our money for the right purposes.
While I was thinking about this article, I saw a great story in R’ Leibie Sternberg’s weekly Dvar Torah. The first Belzer Rebbe, the “Sar Shalom” was orphaned at an early age. His father used to patronize a Gentile shoemaker and would always haggle and try to knock down the price. When a Jewish shoemaker opened up, he was so happy because now he took his shoes exclusively there and often gave extra money to the shoemaker.
His father explained. “As long as I dealt with the non-Jew, I was afraid of the prohibition of giving a gift to a Gentile. Now I am so thrilled to be able to patronize a Yid that I want to give even more money.”
My friend told me another story. He bid for a job at a school. It was a huge job, involving lots of shlepping and hard work. His bid came in at $50 more than the Polish cleaner who had just left. “Why are you so much more??” he was asked.
“Why are my prices higher?” he asked incredulously. “When I shop, I go to a Kosher supermarket, he goes to Shoprite or Pathmark. It costs me twice as much. I pay tuition for Yeshivos, and he sends his kids to Public School for free. I have expenses for Yom Tov that he never heard of. And besides,” he concluded, “when you need money to pay your teachers, who are you going to call for a donation – him or me?”
“W-Well, you have to understand,” stammered the school representative, “this is mammon hekdesh.”
Guess what, folks? So is this. When you spend your money at the Jewish stores, or hire Jewish workers even if it costs you a little more, you are turning your money into mammon hekdesh, “HaShem’s Money.” You are following the spiritual initiatives of Hevel in understanding what HaShem wants us to do with our money.
And as my friend pointed out, it’s cyclical. When you give your money to a Jew, it’s going back into your community and generating mitzvos as he pays for tuition, food, Shabbos items and so on. When you hire the cheapest person no matter who they are, your money could be used for the worst of things. Would that really be worth the ten bucks?
He also told me that Pesach has become a huge competition in his industry as people from all around flock to offer cleaning services because they know that for Pesach the Jews clean their carpets. He knows that a few of his competitors are Jewish, but many more are not. And he knows that people will look to save a buck.
Well, being that it’s Pesach-time, let me share something with all of you. Did you know that when you sell your chametz the Rav often does several different kinyanim? There are major differences of opinion in halacha about how to transact business with Gentiles so they try to cover as many bases as possible. What’s the big deal? Why not just look in the Gemara and see what they did?
The reason is because there’s no Gemara that talks about doing business with Gentiles. In those times it was unheard of. While today things have changed, and we constantly do business with non-Jews, we should never forget that our first choice should be to invest in our own communities and our own people. What goes around really does come around.
So, as you’re spending $16 for a package of pesachdik cookies, or paying the higher prices at the Jewish stores while shopping for your Yom Tov needs, make sure you don’t follow the stinginess of Cain. Just remind yourself that you are turning your money into ruchnius, and do it as long as you are “Abel.”
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The author is a regular contributor to The Front Page who looks at the world a little differently than most people. You can read and comment on this and other ideas on his blog at RebJon.com. Need more inspiration? Get a free subscription to my weekly Dvar Torah in English via e-mail. Just e-mail Subscribe to info@JewishSpeechWriter.com.
© 2009 by Jonathan Gewirtz. All rights reserved.

Originally published in The Front Page Magazine, March 27, 2009

When I was about to turn 14, my birthday came out on Parshas Vayikra. I turned to posuk 14, and got a fright.

It discussed sacrificing birds and said, “If one brings a sacrifice from birds, he shall bring from pigeons or “b’nai Yonah,” young doves, as his sacrifice.

Well, my father’s name is Jonah and I was SURE that I, as one of the “b’nai Yonah” was going to die. It was clearly written in the Torah! Didn’t I turn 14 on Parshas Vayikra, and the 14th posuk discussed sacrificing the “sons of Jonah”???

In tears, I called my father. He didn’t laugh, he didn’t criticize, he didn’t ridicule. He understood how emotionally charged I was.

Instead, (and I can still remember which payphone in Yeshiva I was talking on when I called him) he explained that the root of the word korban comes from “karov,” close. He explained that perhaps the Torah was pointing out that I had a special opportunity to come closer to HaShem.

I have never forgotten that moment, and I hope I never will.

I can only pray that I have the presence of mind to be that comforting to MY children when they are scared, and to guide them on the right path as my dad did that day.

Hi Everybody,

Here are the mortgage rates for Monday, March 23rd.

The spring market is here and mortgage rates are super low. If you’re currently looking or are thinking of buying a home now is definitely the time.

If you want to search for listings click on this link  

Rockland & Orange County Listings.

See you next time

You can contact me to purchase a property or to list your property for sale in all of Rockland County.

Marilyn Malave Licensed Agent, Realtor® Prudential Rand Realty at (845) 300-1741 email: malavemarilyn@aol.com

According to the news, Spring began the morning of March 22. For us in Monsey, we had large snowflakes falling pretty rapidly.

My five-year old asked me why it was snowing in Spring.

“That’s because HaShem wants us to remember that He’s in charge,” I replied.

I think we should.

On March 22nd you can just call me Marilyn O’Malave    cause I’m going to the St Patricks Day parade in Pearl River to have some good ‘ole irish fun!

I hope to see you all there, just  follow this for this link more information about the parade.

Hi Everybody,

Here are the current mortgage rates as of March 17, 2009…

See you next time

You can contact me to purchase a property or to list your property for sale in all of Rockland County.

Marilyn Malave Licensed Agent, Realtor® Prudential Rand Realty at (845) 300-1741

 Contact Information

Marilyn Malave
Licensed Real Estate Salesperson
Prudential Rand Realty
Direct: (845)300-1741
Email: malavemarilyn@aol.com
Website: www.RandRealtor.com
Blog: www.RocklandBuzz.com

This morning as I walked out of shul I popped my trunk from my remote. As I watched it open, I thought how fortunate we are for things like this.

Ribono Shel Olam, Thank You for my remote opener. Thank You for my car; and the money for gas; and the ability to drive, and see, and have coordination to press the pedals and steer and be safe over thousands of miles. Thank You for the roads, and the fact that I don’t have to figure out how to make them or pave them or fix them (though I could probably schedule things a little better…) and Thank You for the chance to write this blog and for the people who will eventually read it and perhaps stop and thank You as well.

I was driving in my car, listening to a shiur on my cassette player (yes, some people still have them!!!)
At the end of the first half, when it got quiet but didn’t yet turn over automatically, I was driving in silence. If I waited ten seconds it would have reached the end and flipped and reached the continuation. But I didn’t. I actually reached over and hit the reverse button so it played it right away. It wasn’t much but I had taken action for Torah. It’s surprising but it did feel like effort to shift position and press it. That’s why it also felt good that I had overcome the inertia to do it. Since then I try to do it all the time and I get the sense of satisfaction each time.

By Calvin Palmer

An ultra-orthodox rabbi who sexually abused his daughter on trips abroad was convicted at a Brooklyn federal court yesterday of five counts of traveling outside the country to have sex with a minor.

Rabbi Israel Weingarten, 59, a member of the Satmar community in suburban Monsey, conducted his own defense and during the week-long trial cross examined his daughter.

The 27-year-old victim said she had been molested while living with her family in Hasidic communities in Belgium and on trips to England and Israel.

Weingarten claimed he was being falsely accused by a daughter who rebelled against a strict upbringing.

During the cross-examination, the victim turned her head and wept but then lashed out at her father, saying: “My feeling from your molesting me was utmost fear and blackmail and years of torture … Didn’t I get hit enough?”

After the verdict, the daughter said being questioned by her father was “like being molested again.” She added: “I wish he wasn’t my father.”

She also expressed the hope that other victims of sex abuse would come forward.

“I do want to say to every victim out there that is quiet, that carried the burden like I did my whole life, that there is a justice system and they can get heard,” she said.

The woman has changed her name and identified herself in open court as the daughter of the rabbi.

She told jurors that once she grew up she left the faith and hoped “to forget everything that happened to me”, mindful that her father had warned her she “would never be able to prove it”. But she went public at the urging of her mother, who was embroiled in a custody dispute with her father.

She told the FBI in 2003 that she had been victimized since the age of nine. Prosecutors alleged Weingarten sexually abused her, sometimes on a daily basis, and moved the family around to help conceal his crimes.

Weingarten sat silent, his face unchanging, as the verdict was read. His other daughters and supporters broke into tears.

Outside the court, daughter Chayeh Weingarten, 23, said: “They didn’t even listen to my father. No one listened to us.”

She and other siblings said they were planning to hire a lawyer to file an appeal.

Chayeh Weingarten and her sister Chaneh, 20, testified during the trial that their mother was the one who had molested their older sister.

Sentencing was scheduled for April 3.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office has said Weingarten faces an estimated prison term of 14 to 17 .5 years.

[Based on reports by The Journal News and Associated Press.]

(bibula.com)

Władze miejskie Nowego Jorku wydały w zeszłym roku 19 milionów dolarów na niezbędne, wymagające natychmiastowej interwencji naprawy budynków i kamienic, zaniedbanych bądź porzuconych przez właścicieli. W tym roku sytuacja może wyglądać jeszcze bardziej krytycznie.

Reporterzy amerykańskiej stacji telewizyjnej ABC odwiedzili kilka mieszkań, którymi właściciele zupełnie nie interesują się, nie odpowiadają na monity, zostawiwszy lokatorów w ekstremalnych warunkach. “Nie ma ciepłej wody, nie ma ogrzewania, nie ma gazu, nie można nic ugotować, nic zrobić” – mówi zrozpaczona Marie Valentin, lokatorka mieszkania na brooklyńskiej dzielnicy Flatbush. Jej czwórka dzieci siedzi owinięta w grube koce i podgrzewa się elektrycznym “słoneczkiem”, którego używanie stwarza zagrożenie pożarowe. Ale trzeba wytrzymać styczniowe mrozy, bowiem temperatura w mieszkaniu dochodzi do zaledwie 4 stopni Celsjusza.

Reporterzy odwiedzają inne mieszkanie, w dzielnicy Bedford-Stuyvesant, którego lokator skarży się: “Właściciel trzymał nas w tym budynku przez cały miesiąc bez światła, bez prądu, bez wody. [...] Ale musieliśmy uiszczać wszystkie opłaty.”

To tylko czubek góry lodowej mieszkalnictwa w wielkich miastach amerykańskich. Niemal każdy kto wynajmował mieszkanie w jednej z nowojorskich dzielnic, mógłby spisać podobną ponurą listę niemocy i bezsilności lokatorów wobec bezczynnych właścicieli, których jedynym celem jest pobieranie stale rosnących czynszów. Tajemnicą poliszynela, wspieranego przez cenzurę mediów i ich polityczną poprawność, jest brutalny fakt, iż większość właścicieli wieloapartamentowych budynków stanowią Żydzi. Jednego z nich, o nazwisku Sam Pfieffer, ujawniają reporterzy, choć oczywiście nie wspomniają o jego etnicznej przynależności.

I to właśnie Sam [Samuel] Pfieffer jest właścicielem całych budynków, w których lokatorzy marzną i próbują przetrwać nieludzkie warunki. “To on figuruje w miejskich dokumentach jako właściciel.” – stwierdzają reporterzy. “Ale życzymy szczęścia tym, którzy spróbują go odnaleźć. Jego adres pocztowy to zwykła skrzynka pocztowa na Brooklynie, jego adres po prostu jest fikcyjny, nie istnieje, a podany w dokumentach numer domu jest też fikcyjny i mieści się pomiędzy dwoma realnie istniejącymi domami w miejscowości Monsey.”

Monsey to miejscowość w stanie Nowy Jork, niemal całkowicie zamieszkała przez bogatych i ultrabogatych Żydów, czego jednak reporterzy również nie raczą zauważać. Jak stwierdzają informatory, to 14-tysięczne miasteczko jest centrum “wpływowej społeczności ortodoksyjnych Żydów, głównie Hasydów oraz ultra-ortodoksyjnych Haredim”. Kilka procent stanowią Latynosi – głównie do sprzątania posiadłości żydowskich.

“Problem jaki mamy polega na tym, że nie jesteśmy w stanie skontaktować się z właścicielem aby dokonał niezbędnych napraw.” – mówi Luiz Aragon z nowojorskiego Wydziału Finansowego. Dokumenty miejskie mówią, że ten sam właściciel [Sam Pfieffer] posiada 16 wieloapartamentowych budynków na Brooklynie. Jeden w dzielnicy Williamsburg jest tak zaniedbany, że sędzia odebrał figurującemu w dokumentach właścicielowi prawo do administrowania budynkiem,  przyznając je niezależnemu kontraktorowi.

Tylko na te dwa budynki, wizytowane przez reporterów, miejski Wydział Budownictwa nałożył liczne mandaty: budynek na Flatbush otrzymał 298 nieuiszczonych mandatów, a w Bedford – 54.

“Sytuacja ta jest absolutnie nie do zaakceptowania” – mówi urzędnik miejski Luiz Aragon. Ale mówić to jedno, a miasto z własnych pieniędzy i tak zmuszone było w sytuacjach kryzysowych dokonać niezbędnych napraw. W mieszkaniu pani Marie Valentin wymieniono bojler i dokonano innych napraw na sumę 40 tysięcy dolarów. W tego typu sytuacjach miasto zwraca się do właściciela o spłatę należności. Teoretycznie miasto może obłożyć spłatami samą posiadłość, a w końcu wystawić ją na aukcji, ale to tylko teoria, bowiem w praktyce procedura taka trwa latami, a właściciele wynajmują wpływowych adwokatów.

Reporterzy stacji ABC jakimiś sposobami dotarli jednak do właściciela, Sama Pfeiffera, jednak ten nic nie odpowiedział, tylko “skierował nas bez słowa komentarza do swojego adwokata”.

Opracowanie: Bibula Information Service (B.I.S.) – www.bibula.com – na podstawie WABC-TV

On Rosh Chodesh Adar, I was at shul and heard the familiar refrain at the end of Shemona Esrai going into Hallel – “HaMevarech es amo Yisrae-e-e-el, baSha – a- MEIN.” Yes, the tzibbur began to sing in the Amein at the end of the bracha, effectively asking HaShem to bless the Jews with fat (or maybe oil if you want to stretch it.) Instead of saying Amein to asking for peace, many people cut in early and try to grab the Amein. In halacha, this is called an Amein chatufa and is prohibited. I know, it’s what everyone does, and that’s how the tune goes. But it doesn’t make it right.
I pointed out to one fellow there that you’re supposed to wait for the end of the bracha before answering Amein and he raised his hands and rolled his eyes as if to imply I was “too frum” and some kind of a nut. This is actually a common response when people are corrected in some matter of halacha because the people being critiqued have it backwards.
If I were in a shul where the people spent all davening talking, and used the shul as a social club, even leaving during davening for a drink or two, I wouldn’t bother mentioning anything. They obviously don’t feel a strong need to do the right thing so this is just one more thing they can ignore.
But, when I approach someone I know for some time, and whom I believe wants to keep all the mitzvos properly, I am trying to help him further his own goal, not putting him down. On the contrary, I’m putting him up! I am stating that I believe him to be a devout Jew who would like to continue to rise in his Avodas HaShem. Or when I put my arm around a fellow in shul and say gently, “You know, G-d doesn’t schmooze in YOUR living room,” I’m complimenting him that I know he is the type of person who wants to be reminded of his higher self. But he sees it backwards.
Sometimes it’s the opposite. A person will plan for a job interview or to meet a prospective shidduch. They will do everything to make the best impression possible. They will buy new clothes and clean the house or go to great lengths to make everything perfect. What does that say about their feelings about the other person? Does it mean that they think the best of the other person or that they’re afraid the other person is so demanding that if it’s not perfect they will walk away? Instead of complimentary, I think it’s quite the opposite. Again, what we would think at face value is far from the truth.
This is nothing new. The Gemara in Bava Basra (10b) discusses a boy who “died” then came back a few moments later. His father asked what he saw and he replied he had seen an “olam hafuch,” an upside-down world, where the elyonim (high people) were low and the tachtonim (low people) were high. His father told him he had seen a world of clarity.
In this world, people are perceived to be great because of their wealth or power, but unless they do the right things with what they have been given, their status is quite low in the Olam Ha’Emes, the world of Truth. Likewise, people who are looked down upon here but are doing the will of HaShem (and that might even be why they’re looked down upon) are considered in Heaven to be persons of great stature.
I recall hearing that those we consider friends here, with whom we partied or had fun, will become our greatest adversaries above, when they testify to our sins, while those who drove us to do the proper things, such as a chavrusa, rebbi or teacher (and yes, perhaps, even a parent) whom we viewed as a burden or enemy, will be our greatest ally because they saved us from ourselves.
So, when someone tells you that you are doing something wrong, you should stop and think whether they should go in the friends column or the foes column.
Let’s look at Purim. Mordechai told the Jews not to go to Achashveirosh’s party. They ignored him. They felt it was political suicide not to go and be represented. He may have been a great Rabbi but he did not understand politics and diplomacy. They were proven “right” when they enjoyed a time of relative prosperity for the next nine years. But they were wrong. Their “political savvy” proved to be the work of the Yetzer Hara. Mordechai was correct, and when the shoe finally dropped as Haman ascended to power, they still didn’t see it. This time, they blamed Mordechai’s refusal to bow to Haman for their problems. Again, it was quite the opposite but to their credit, they eventually came to see things his way, their Teshuva was accepted, and we were saved from annihilation.
Purim is a time to reflect on the topsy-turvy nature of this world and our existence in it. We are to take stock of our physical nature, and that may be one reason we have a Purim Seudah. On Chanuka, when Jews were clearly understood to be spiritual beings, and that is what the enemy wanted to destroy, there is no need to have a meal. On Purim, however, when the enemy saw the Jews as just another physical nation, we have to take a physical meal and elevate it by making it a mitzvah. We have to speak words of Torah at the meal, and drink wine as a means of raising us toward our higher selves, not dragging us down to the depths of drunkenness.
In recent weeks, we saw a politician do a complete about-face. While she once supported Israel’s “right to defend her people,” she now condemns these acts of self-defense as atrocities and genocide against the helpless terrorists who shoot rockets at Jews. Why isn’t this surprising?
R’ Yakov Kaminetsky explained a Gemara which says that Moshiach will not come until the Jews despair of salvation. It doesn’t mean that we give up on HaShem’s redemption, chas v’shalom, but rather that a prerequisite for Geulah is no longer putting our faith in the Gentiles of the world to save us and “allow” us to exist. We have to realize that we cannot hold out hope for them to be the salvation we are looking for. This is getting easier to do today, as the political tide and world opinion seem to be turning against us, despite all our lobbying and “savvy.”
So how do we protect ourselves now? By listening to our Chachomim, the Mordechais of our day. By paying more attention to not speaking lashon hara, to being careful of the honor of others, and to being kovei’a itim la’Torah, setting aside time every day to learn Torah. We must make these and other efforts to turn ourselves right-side up, so that we see things with clarity and will be able to witness the ultimate miracle of the arrival of Moshiach.

Originally published in my column “The Observant Jew” in The Front Page Magazine, March 4, 2009.