The 2009 TNT television series, HawthoRNe, produced by and starring Jada Pinkett-Smith, advances the African American perspective beyond the slapstick connection to the arts. Hawthorne’s interconnected vignettes of hospital politics and healthcare issues include an eye into the characteristics of race and class from the African-American perspective. Nurse Hawthorne, portrayed by Jada Pinkett-Smith, seamlessly utilizes unconventional methodologies to combat preconceptions of African American responses to medical care, as well as reality-based scenarios of doctor, nurse, and patient relationships. Just as NBC’s 1984 to 1992 Cosby Show depicted an upper-middle class African-American identity contrary to public opinion, Hawthorne accentuates the resourcefulness and wholeness of the African American in a professional environment. The same can be said for ABC’s Lincoln Heights and its collective drama of complete family values. Nicki Micheaux’s nurse, however, does not connect with the professionalism of the nursing profession as does Pinkett-Smith.  

In the premiere episode, head administrative nurse HawthoRNe confronts a suicidal jumper, an arrogant doctor, an indigent mother (with a newborn); and referees challenges between her nursing staff and the other hospital actors. All of this in one day at the hospital. If you have ever had a doctor try to insert an IV in your vein, only then can you appreciate the skill of nurses in the hospital environment. They are the catch all, and Pinkett-Smith captures these qualities (sometimes to excess).

Nurse Hawthorne also contends with the one year anniversary of the death of her husband, a teen-aged daughter, and an antagonistic Caucasian mother-in-law. If we thought that race does not matter, Hawthorne’s start toward the realization of the African-American worldview within the African American network of life, denotes subtle inconsistencies between professionals, pedestrians and how they perceive life between the spaces we have manufactured for them. Pinkett-Smith navigates these waters with grace which may seem close to neutral in this series. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law did evolve into healing as the series progressed.

Pinkett-Smith’s character needed to be strengthened, yet the loss of pertinent social commentary, outside of comedy, was a great loss. Hopefully the Smiths will use this experience as a stepping stone to something more.

The Beginning

I love him and then I didn’t. I loved it and now I hate it. I loved it, then I lost it. The switch happens at times without notice. Normally, we move from one mode of thinking to another. Some call it growth, others call it fickle. No matter which side of the path you walk there are always borders trying to keep you steady. Sigmund Freud and his theories busily boxed in your emotions, tendencies, social parameters, and answered the whats and whos of normalcy. If he were alive today would any of us be normal? So why not create your own normal. Throw out the mirror stage with the paradigms. Release yourself for one day. Dive into his perception of madness, just for a second. Dare to see someone else in that mirror and see what happens. Now do not go out and commit some heinous crime for giggles. This is an internal deconstruction. Keep it neat. Go back and rewrite the messages you were fed from birth. In other words, re-become self. I chose to exaggerate this methodology because it must be a complete, no holds barred washing. Embrace the Afterdeath experience.

Going through a trial shakes loose everything we know and love about ourselves. Standing on line at a food pantry for the first time puts one in a place outside of the self we knew already. Picture a construction worker, Mike, who has made a good living for 15 years. In his mind, this life will go on forever – he is still young at 33. There are 3 cars in his driveway; one family car, a brand new pick up, and his toy. He may also have a boat. Not yacht size, but still a sign of prosperity as neighbors pass his neatly kept home. He has three children; 10, 7, and 3. His wife, Ellen, has never worked since their marriage. Before that, she was a waitress in a corner restaurant.

Ellen watches the home shopping channels between clipping coupons and catching sales at the malls. Their home is a collage of Southern Living, Better Homes & Garden, House & Home, and Chicago Home & Garden magazines. Lunch with the girls is always at her home. It always concludes with a replication of the latest infomercial, along with product demonstration and price. The girls fawn, and one by one excuse themselves for another appointment.

 Mike falls from a 15 ft. ladder at work and is rushed to the hospital. His leg is fractured in three places. No matter, he has also severed his spinal cord on a metal shard poking out of the ground. Mike has minimal health insurance, which includes a $500 co-pay. There is no savings nor retirement plan deep enough to cover his rehabilitation or mortgage costs.  After two years, the couple is financially, mentally, and socially dead.

The couple has sells their home to pay for hospital and aftercare costs. Their lives in the small apartment on the other side of town, affords them little after rent and utilities. Ellen is forced to seek out the food pantries in her area. This is the beginning of her life in the Afterdeath.

The Beginning

I love him and then I didn’t. I loved it and now I hate it. I loved it, then I lost it. The switch happens at times without notice. Normally, we move from one mode of thinking to another. Some call it growth, others call it fickle. No matter which side of the path you walk there are always borders trying to keep you steady. Sigmund Freud and his theories busily boxed in your emotions, tendencies, social parameters, and answered the whats and whos of normalcy. If he were alive today would any of us be normal? So why not create your own normal. Throw out the mirror stage with the paradigms. Release yourself for one day. Dive into his perception of madness, just for a second. Dare to see someone else in that mirror and see what happens. Now do not go out and commit some heinous crime for giggles. This is an internal deconstruction. Keep it neat. Go back and rewrite the messages you were fed from birth. In other words, re-become self. I chose to exaggerate this methodology because it must be a complete, no holds barred washing. Embrace the Afterdeath experience.

Going through a trial shakes loose everything we know and love about ourselves. Standing on line at a food pantry for the first time puts one in a place outside of the self we knew already. Picture a construction worker, Mike, who has made a good living for 15 years. In his mind, this life will go on forever – he is still young at 33. There are 3 cars in his driveway; one family car, a brand new pick up, and his toy. He may also have a boat. Not yacht size, but still a sign of prosperity as neighbors pass his neatly kept home. He has three children; 10, 7, and 3. His wife, Ellen, has never worked since their marriage. Before that, she was a waitress in a corner restaurant.

Ellen watches the home shopping channels between clipping coupons and catching sales at the malls. Their home is a collage of Southern Living, Better Homes & Garden, House & Home, and Chicago Home & Garden magazines. Lunch with the girls is always at her home. It always concludes with a replication of the latest infomercial, along with product demonstration and price. The girls fawn, and one by one excuse themselves for another appointment.

 Mike falls from a 15 ft. ladder at work and is rushed to the hospital. His leg is fractured in three places. No matter, he has also severed his spinal cord on a metal shard poking out of the ground. Mike has minimal health insurance, which includes a $500 co-pay. There is no savings nor retirement plan deep enough to cover his rehabilitation or mortgage costs.  After two years, the couple is financially, mentally, and socially dead.

The couple has sells their home to pay for hospital and aftercare costs. Their lives in the small apartment on the other side of town, affords them little after rent and utilities. Ellen is forced to seek out the food pantries in her area. This is the beginning of her life in the Afterdeath.

Words for the wanna-bee wise.

Mommafucious says …

  August 20, 2009

Darkness and light cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

 August 21, 2009

If it looks too good for you, smells too good for you, sounds too good for you, don’t hate. Move out of the way and let it move up.

 August 22, 2009

 If you are not in the healing business, comforting  business, finance business, stay out of other people’s business

 August 24, 2009

 A MAN abhors a gossiping shrew, especially in a wife.  If he is too quick to join in, take a hard look under the covers.

 August 25, 2009

 If your mound of gold looks smaller than someone else’s, yours is just farther away. Run faster. Work harder. Stay in Your lane.

 August 26, 2009

 Pity is no good to anyone. Save it for yourself. Give a helping hand instead.

 August 27, 2009

 I wise man once said, “I don’t know. Ask Mommafucious!”

 August 28, 2009

 If someone tells you something to keep between you and them, it is not between you and them.

 August 29, 2009

 Seeking midnight danger brings morning complaints.

 August 31, 2009

 When I was a child, I thought like a child. Then I realized I am not as smart as I pretended to be.

 September 1, 2009

Always wait for the things you want most instead of taking what you need the least.

  September 2, 2009

 Respect is a shared experience. If you do not care to share, you might receive less than you expect.

 September 3, 2009

  If it is not written on your heart, writing it on your tongue will only help or harm someone else.

 September 4, 2009

 Casting pearls before swine only gets them dirty.

 September 5, 2009

 Pretense is fragile and easily threatened. It demands respect constantly. Authenticity is solid as a rock and can afford to be kind. It is never shamed.

 September 8, 2009

 Grow up and strong, not old. Age has its own batteries.

 September 13, 2009

 Humbling others shows our own inhumility, jealousy, and fear.

 September 15, 2009

 Anger brings wisdom. Share the wisdom, not the anger.

 September 21, 2009

It is not what anyone says that makes you. It is what you do.

 September 22, 2009

 Life is like poker. You can only bluff so many times before you meet a real winner.

  September 23, 2009

 Calm in the face of danger is victory.

 September 24, 2009

 An incident, no matter how perverse, is only a moment in time. Don’t let it determine the rest of your life.

 September 25, 2009

 One person’s burden is another’s load. Don’t expect when you yell fire, for ‘everyone’ to jump out of the windows.

 September 26, 2009

 Criticism is easy; creativity is hard. Step up and show what you are worth.

 September 27, 2009

 Why do the most ill-bred senior citizens always have to remind young people to respect their elders? The same reason the haughtiest of us remind others to be humble.

 September 28, 2009

 We can do as much as we like. But not for as long as we like.

  October 3, 2009

 What good is it to claim to move mountains, yet angrily fumble over a pebble? HMMMM!!!

 October 9, 2009

 The hardest things to recognize are those right in front of your face.

 October 10, 2009

 Patience is a virtue but idling is idling.

 October 11, 2009

 It is better to be on the bottom of the top, than the top of the bottom.

 October 12, 2009

 If you think putdowns are funny, be a real comedian and take your show on the road.

  October 15, 2009

Be careful what you do in life and who you do it to. Two mountains never meet, but two people always meet.

 October 16, 2009

 The good in man is only as good as he or she believes you are.

 October 19, 2009

 A truly dishonest man is a friend of everyone.

 October 28, 2009

 If you think you are poor at anything, you are.

 October 31, 2009

 We create our own monsters. Try loving them enough to keep them home.

 November 5, 2009

 Presumed power is presumed. Real power needs no audience and leaves no doubt.

 November 7, 2009

 When one door closes, peek in before walking through the open one.

 November 8, 2009

 Drop the cellphone. Don’t walk towards heaven with the devil on speed dial.

 November 9, 2009

 Learn to channel your energy. Leave other’s alone.

 November 10, 2009

 When mixing your daily cake of information, always, ALWAYS, keep a sifter handy.

 November 11, 2009

 Don’t kill the cow because you can’t give milk.

 November 12, 2009

 A jackass and a wino meet at a crossroad. The jackass says, “Why the long face?” The wino replies, “You haven’t looked in the mirror lately?”

 November 13, 2009

 Where there is love, there is no violence, no pain, no ignorance, and no envy. Mental, physical, or otherwise.

 November 16, 2009

 You already know what you cannot do. Now seek out what you can do.

 November 17, 2009

 Changing your mind, changes your life.

 November 18, 2009

 No is never the end, but the beginning of a long and fruitful journey.

 November 21, 2009

 When you have truly learned to stand, you can then show others.

 November 23, 2009

 ”The righteous creates the unrighteous.”

 November 25, 2009

 The funny thing about truth is that it may seem powerless in the face of manipulation, but it runs longer, deeper, and wider than the most well-constructed lie.

November 26, 2009

History is still a mystery. Create your own or someone will do it for you.

November 28, 2009

Create a hero where ever you go. Become a jerk! 

November 30, 2009

I have three brothers that turn your cannot into my can. Determination, Power, and Will.

December 2, 2009

Your leader is not someone who hands you a size 5 shoe for a size 8 foot. Don’t cramp your style no matter how good it looks on the outside.

To begin this conversation on the right note, let us recall the table of delights from our first chapter. Remember the waiter. He was ready and eager to grant your every wish when you first sat down to the meal.  Gradually, he became more distant. Slow to bring that extra napkin or carelessly dropping fresh silverware here and there. It’s his job to know when the hook is securely in place. And when to jam it deeper. The one thing to the carrier’s advantage is the advancement into self. This can also be the dangerous curve in the road where they will lose quite a few passengers.

We are conditioned to be polite, giving, cooperative, patient, accepting, etc… The waiters of this world depend on these qualities to shame the carrier into compliance. The waiter nurtures the fear of hunger, rejection, isolation, and abandonment. He can be the lonesome parent leaning heavily on her adult child, the ill-prepared educator trying to save face; or the faith-leader, counselor, or employer unable to keep pace with his competitors. The parent will never become satisfied no matter how much the adult child cares for him or her. The rest must convince the carrier, like the salesperson, that without them, the carrier will be destitute. They are the keepers of all that is binding to the self.

Suppose, for instance, the student ceases to become the carrier and actually asks the right questions, challenging the educator. Society is set up where, for the student, there is no reward, only condemnation. The student learns to absorb the nagging stomach, just to get the ‘A’ or ‘B.’ Now as an adult carrier, the store clerk sells them items they’ll never use, but are too embarrassed to turn down.  Likewise, an employer slights them on wages and promotions, because they will never complain. Family and friends will cheer them on for lasting 30 years with the same firm – as they watch others with less education and ability, reap the benefits of maneuvering the corporate arenas.

While taking a computer certification course in the late 1970’s, one instructor counseled the students to never stop looking for the ideal position. Global technology called for lateral movements between companies and corporations in order to rise. Technology did not only change the speed at which we did business, but the essence of the employer/employee relationship.  A systems engineer at one company could get twice his pay and loads of benefits at another company. Also, employees were now vested after 5 years, instead of 15 or 20 years, as decades before.

The average middle-aged or senior citizen was at a disadvantage re-entering the job market unless they had computer skills. Their labor was now disposable, since most of them were declining in health and ambition. The world began to run helter skelter to work, instead of the cog and wheel past. So if they appear to represent more of the carrier and keeper set, fear is all they have lived after the Great American Depression, two world wars, nuclear threats, drug wars, and loosing that lovely head of hair.  Radical as those times seemed, the present is even more radical with choices of lifestyles, employment, and social communities.

“Clinging uncritically to traditional ideas and beliefs often serves to obscure or deny real facts of our life history. Without free access to these facts, the sources of our ability to love remain cut off. No wonder, then, that even well-intended moral appeals-to be loving, caring, generous, and so forth-are fruitless. We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth…We can only try to behave as if we were loving. But this hypocritical behavior is the opposite of love.”

The Second Bell or “clearing the decks” is similar to washing and sanitizing a utensil before you reuse it. Washing is fine… it looks brilliant and shiny. On top of that gloss, however, lies bacteria and chemical traces inaccessible to the human eye. It must be boiled at a very high temperature. So it is with the carrier of fear. He or she must go through the fire to be cleansed in order to become useful to itself.

Ok… you gain the courage to leave the table of grinning faces and bounty. Now what? Memories of hunger come back. You want to turn around, take your seat, and re-engage the knife and fork to destruction. Yet you are not really depleted. Scared maybe, but only enveloping the fear of being hungry once again. This is the time of searching for the next meal; one of substance and stability.

Learning to defeat your fears is the most important lesson of the second bell. It took courage to leave the table. That courage is a sprint in the race. It pushes you ahead, yet only to dissipate as you walk through the doors of the café. Look around you. There are other venues filled with different sorts of meals to enjoy equally, yet more beneficial to the body. The carrier of fear must learn to push anxiety to the background. It must become a slow hum, decreasing at a rate of two decibels per minute. Simultaneously, the carrier must fill the void with visions of what their healthy environment or meal will look like, taste like, feel like as it passes their lips and engages the pit of their stomach. That vision must become all encompassing. I heard a story of George Washington, where he crossed the river with his troops, then ordered them to burn the ships. There is no retreat, no surrender in the quest to the perfect self-realization. The carrier must establish a vision of their perfect world; arm them self with resistance,  and turn a deaf ear to tunes out of sync with their music.

Everyone carries music. You hear it in their walk; hear it in their talk, or the wave of their hand. Listen for your own symphony first. Let the wholeness of it drive out fear. After you have your ideal piece in place, run, not walk, away from the sour notes of life – no matter how beautiful they sound on their own. They belong to another chorus and will only ruin yours. If you cannot distinguish off beats, you have not yet developed your symphony or are too filled with fear to hear it. To do this, you must become the rejecter, – not the rejected.

The Second Bell or “clearing the decks” is similar to washing and sanitizing a utensil before you reuse it. Washing is fine… it looks brilliant and shiny. On top of that gloss, however, lies bacteria and chemical traces inaccessible to the human eye. It must be boiled at a very high temperature. So it is with the carrier of fear. He or she must go through the fire to be cleansed in order to become useful to itself.

Ok… you gain the courage to leave the table of grinning faces and bounty. Now what? Memories of hunger come back. You want to turn around, take your seat, and re-engage the knife and fork to destruction. Yet you are not really depleted. Scared maybe, but only enveloping the fear of being hungry once again. This is the time of searching for the next meal; one of substance and stability.

Learning to defeat your fears is the most important lesson of the second bell. It took courage to leave the table. That courage is a sprint in the race. It pushes you ahead, yet only to dissipate as you walk through the doors of the café. Look around you. There are other venues filled with different sorts of meals to enjoy equally, yet more beneficial to the body. The carrier of fear must learn to push anxiety to the background. It must become a slow hum, decreasing at a rate of two decibels per minute. Simultaneously, the carrier must fill the void with visions of what their healthy environment or meal will look like, taste like, feel like as it passes their lips and engages the pit of their stomach. That vision must become all encompassing. I heard a story of George Washington, where he crossed the river with his troops, then ordered them to burn the ships. There is no retreat, no surrender in the quest to the perfect self-realization. The carrier must establish a vision of their perfect world; arm them self with resistance,  and turn a deaf ear to tunes out of sync with their music.

Everyone carries music. You hear it in their walk; hear it in their talk, or the wave of their hand. Listen for your own symphony first. Let the wholeness of it drive out fear. After you have your ideal piece in place, run, not walk, away from the sour notes of life – no matter how beautiful they sound on their own. They belong to another chorus and will only ruin yours. If you cannot distinguish off beats, you have not yet developed your symphony or are too filled with fear to hear it. To do this, you must become the rejecter, – not the rejected.

Leaving the focus off of self-inflicted catastrophes, such as drug and alcohol abuse, leaves a still wider array of situations open to us as humans. The climate of drug and alcohol rehabilitation has created a community of parasites, both apart and inclusive in the human rehabilitation or recovery systems. Due to the complexity and delicacy of the situation, we will leave that community for a more extensive conversation as it deserves a volume of chapters all its own. Accidents, layoffs, physical and mental, illness, mostly psychological trauma, constitute the worst forms of human pollution since they damage with no category of victims or prohibitions.  Everyone is open to each of these situations regardless of race, class, gender, or occupation. We may say, “What about a doctor?” Surprisingly, the more education or prestige a person acquires, the more destructive forces available to them. For instance, a dentist’s wife dies in a plane crash. While suing the airline for millions, he begins to drink heavily. He is not only a dentist, but a white male with a luxurious office in a prominent part of town.  In America, he is king.  

Each working day, he eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner at a more bar than restaurant near his office. The owner of the bar-restaurant is honored to have a dentist among the truck drivers and office workers frequenting his place. They form a firm friendship. Meals are half-priced or free. Drinks are always full-price, plentiful, and include a tip. The dentist meets a young administrative assistant during lunch. He tells her his story. They begin to meet every day and form a solid friendship. He loves her, she loves him. He’s counting on the $4,000,000 suit with the airline to cover his faltering work ethic.  They fly away for a two month vacation tour of Europe. She is only a temp at the office. He returns to his stool broke and alone. She finds another bar.

The dentist’s partner forces him out of the LLP. His clients have dwindled. One woman slaps the drill from his wobbling fingers after smelling the alcohol on his breath. Now, the dentist is at the bar morning until evening. The owner becomes less friendly as the dentist’s running tab is not paid at the end of the week. The owner must demand his money but is conflicted.   The owner has just learned he has prostate cancer. Turns out, the building housing the bar-restaurant, he leased for 25 years, is being sold. The lease will not be renewed. Therefore, his home, which he also leases, he can no longer afford. An IRS audit shows him owing in excess of $200,000 and his car, also leased, must be returned. Oh! His wife is leaving him. She is not going to move into an apartment with an ailing husband who has treated her badly for the past 10 years of their 32 year marriage. The dentist and the bar-restaurant owner are more in love than ever.  

  Accidents could be due to carelessness. There are varying degrees of carelessness in the human condition. Individuals and worldviews dictate the concept of responsibility. Yet, there is always a point at where we have a conscious or unconscious choice — to the left or to the right. Then sometimes, the choice is made for us.

Leaving the focus off of self-inflicted catastrophes, such as drug and alcohol abuse, leaves a still wider array of situations open to us as humans. The climate of drug and alcohol rehabilitation has created a community of parasites, both apart and inclusive in the human rehabilitation or recovery systems. Due to the complexity and delicacy of the situation, we will leave that community for a more extensive conversation as it deserves a volume of chapters all its own. Accidents, layoffs, physical and mental, illness, mostly psychological trauma, constitute the worst forms of human pollution since they damage with no category of victims or prohibitions.  Everyone is open to each of these situations regardless of race, class, gender, or occupation. We may say, “What about a doctor?” Surprisingly, the more education or prestige a person acquires, the more destructive forces available to them. For instance, a dentist’s wife dies in a plane crash. While suing the airline for millions, he begins to drink heavily. He is not only a dentist, but a white male with a luxurious office in a prominent part of town.  In America, he is king.  

Each working day, he eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner at a more bar than restaurant near his office. The owner of the bar-restaurant is honored to have a dentist among the truck drivers and office workers frequenting his place. They form a firm friendship. Meals are half-priced or free. Drinks are always full-price, plentiful, and include a tip. The dentist meets a young administrative assistant during lunch. He tells her his story. They begin to meet every day and form a solid friendship. He loves her, she loves him. He’s counting on the $4,000,000 suit with the airline to cover his faltering work ethic.  They fly away for a two month vacation tour of Europe. She is only a temp at the office. He returns to his stool broke and alone. She finds another bar.

The dentist’s partner forces him out of the LLP. His clients have dwindled. One woman slaps the drill from his wobbling fingers after smelling the alcohol on his breath. Now, the dentist is at the bar morning until evening. The owner becomes less friendly as the dentist’s running tab is not paid at the end of the week. The owner must demand his money but is conflicted.   The owner has just learned he has prostate cancer. Turns out, the building housing the bar-restaurant, he leased for 25 years, is being sold. The lease will not be renewed. Therefore, his home, which he also leases, he can no longer afford. An IRS audit shows him owing in excess of $200,000 and his car, also leased, must be returned. Oh! His wife is leaving him. She is not going to move into an apartment with an ailing husband who has treated her badly for the past 10 years of their 32 year marriage. The dentist and the bar-restaurant owner are more in love than ever.  

  Accidents could be due to carelessness. There are varying degrees of carelessness in the human condition. Individuals and worldviews dictate the concept of responsibility. Yet, there is always a point at where we have a conscious or unconscious choice — to the left or to the right. Then sometimes, the choice is made for us.

Those who show pity and are always ready to help during times of trouble are seldom the same ones who rejoice in our joy: when others are happy they have nothing to do, they become superfluous and lose their feeling of superiority, and so they easily show their displeasure.

   — Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900), German philosopher

A Journey of Rebirth

Returning to your life after a catastrophic experience is not as easy as you may think. Especially when recovery is big business and often the only business seeking you out in the media, non-profits and spiritual organizations, government, and advertisements. Every area of your life becomes a commodity, most especially the inner you. We refer to it as rehabilitation, overcoming, spiritual enlightenment, and other buzz words generic to this era of our lives. None of these, however, necessarily mean returning to your life. Sometimes the methods and assistance we receive in our overcoming stalls us in a holding pattern or void. Empty spaces remain inside of us, throbbing worse than the physical, mental, or economical hardship that brought us to this point. Why is that, despite the smiling face in the mirror and applause from everyone that helped us get to this point? Or is this the point?  Is it now really your life?

Even the most vibrant young and older adults suffer life altering experiences. Some experiences, they recover from easily over time. Then other incidents or illnesses take years of recovery after the initial experience concludes. These debilitating cycles can be caused by severe accidents, drug abuse, layoffs, and divorce, which cause permanent or temporary physical, economic, and mental disabilities. During this cycle the individual accumulates people and habits that can be more harmful to their well-being than the initial mental, economic, or physical condition. A person may find life no longer enjoyable and yearns for the “good ole days” or a period when finding happiness was not an effort, but easily accessible. This is the optimal moment when the effort to return to life is most important.

The concept of recovery or rehabilitation may seem easy at first. Some join clubs, become more spiritual, volunteer in organizations, go back to school, and change their style of dress or even address. Still there is that constant, nagging sadness within. That sadness, for the sake of clarity, we will call the accumulation of debt. A debt is something owed, yet it can be an assumed tie to people and habits that enforce negative feelings and guilt within the person consumed — the carrier. Within the mind of the carrier, pictures and scenarios play out constantly, reinforcing sadness, anger, paranoia, and taint whatever joy and accomplishment attainable. In an effort to break this cycle, some become extremely overt in their frivolity. They seek out outward stimulations as a substitute for inner peace and joy. Those who were present during the period of illness or mental upheaval become important, since through the continuous association with these persons, the carrier reinforces a sense of accomplishment. They develop mantras to reinforce their sense of accomplishment. We will hear them proclaim “I could have been dead,” or “I’m not where I used to be.” It is most important, during this period, to break these chains of negative reasoning to truly move ahead.

Moving ahead is fearful. There is no foundation in the return to life. There is no set road to follow; no security other than to choose their life. The carrier must recreate out of nothing a something, a new way of being acceptable to only them. In the search for self, the carrier becomes a magnate for sociopaths, conmen, opportunist, and those who live to pity — parasites. The carrier is targeted by those who have no real talent or skill other than to feed off the misadventures of others. The elderly, for example, become prey to many because of their vulnerability. Their well-earned fortunes are squandered by those taking care of their finances. Some suffer ill-health and dire living conditions due to unscrupulous caregivers. It is a sad situation but it is even sadder when a young vibrant carrier recovers to find that they have been living a similar situation, and feel they have no way out. But there is a way out. Hard, yet worth it.

Think of a table filled with fatty foods. There is a well-cooked turkey, drenched in a well-thickened gravy. It is accompanied by a platter of steaming roast pork, a three quart bowl of buttery mashed potatoes, a large pan of macaroni and cheese, three two inch steaks; and four bowls of ice cream, each topped with syrups and chocolate for dessert. There are no fresh vegetables and salads; nothing to off-set the oils and sweets you are to consume. You have been starving for many days and this is the closest bit of food source you can attain. You gorge yourself over and over again, day after day until you are no longer able to move away from the table. You become fearful that if you try to leave that table, you will be hungry again, starve even. So you stay.

You become the carrier of the memory of starvation. You carry the pain and fear of an aching belling, fierce cravings, light-headedness, and a savage mind with unthinkable thoughts. Your cholesterol is now out of control. Your blood pressure soars causing you to wobble on the chair. But now your legs are too heavy to move. The smell of the comfort food sickens you, but the fear of starvation weighs heavy against the urge to run away. It is this quandary that hinders many in their quest to return to life. Your parasite? The waiter, who elegantly replaces the ravaged pork platter, with a heaping platter of rack of lamb. As long as there are members at the table, he is paid to serve.

The First Bell

Leaving the focus off of self-inflicted catastrophes, such as drug and alcohol abuse, leaves a still wider array of situations open to us as humans. The climate of drug and alcohol rehabilitation has created a community of parasites, both apart and inclusive in the human rehabilitation or recovery systems. Due to the complexity and delicacy of the situation, we will leave that community for a more extensive conversation as it deserves a volume of chapters all its own. Accidents, layoffs, physical and mental, illness, mostly psychological trauma, constitute the worst forms of human pollution since they damage with no category of victims or prohibitions.  Everyone is open to each of these situations regardless of race, class, gender, or occupation. We may say, “What about a doctor?” Surprisingly, the more education or prestige a person acquires, the more destructive forces available to them. For instance, a dentist’s wife dies in a plane crash. While suing the airline for millions, he begins to drink heavily. He is not only a dentist, but a white male with a luxurious office in a prominent part of town.  In America, he is king.  

Each working day, he eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner at a more bar than restaurant near his office. The owner of the bar-restaurant is honored to have a dentist among the truck drivers and office workers frequenting his place. They form a firm friendship. Meals are half-priced or free. Drinks are always full-price, plentiful, and include a tip. The dentist meets a young administrative assistant during lunch. He tells her his story. They begin to meet every day and form a solid friendship. He loves her, she loves him. He’s counting on the $4,000,000 suit with the airline to cover his faltering work ethic.  They fly away for a two month vacation tour of Europe. She is only a temp at the office. He returns to his stool broke and alone. She finds another bar.

The dentist’s partner forces him out of the LLP. His clients have dwindled. One woman slaps the drill from his wobbling fingers after smelling the alcohol on his breath. Now, the dentist is at the bar morning until evening. The owner becomes less friendly as the dentist’s running tab is not paid at the end of the week. The owner must demand his money but is conflicted.   The owner has just learned he has prostate cancer. Turns out, the building housing the bar-restaurant, he leased for 25 years, is being sold. The lease will not be renewed. Therefore, his home, which he also leases, he can no longer afford. An IRS audit shows him owing in excess of $200,000 and his car, also leased, must be returned. Oh! His wife is leaving him. She is not going to move into an apartment with an ailing husband who has treated her badly for the past 10 years of their 32 year marriage. The dentist and the bar-restaurant owner are more in love than ever.  

  Accidents could be due to carelessness. There are varying degrees of carelessness in the human condition. Individuals and worldviews dictate the concept of responsibility. Yet, there is always a point at where we have a conscious or unconscious choice — to the left or to the right. Then sometimes, the choice is made for us.

Those who show pity and are always ready to help during times of trouble are seldom the same ones who rejoice in our joy: when others are happy they have nothing to do, they become superfluous and lose their feeling of superiority, and so they easily show their displeasure.

   — Friedrich Nietzsche (1844–1900), German philosopher

Returning to your life after a catastrophic experience is not as easy as you may think. Especially when recovery is big business and often the only business seeking you out in the media, non-profits and spiritual organizations, government, and advertisements. Every area of your life becomes a commodity, most especially the inner you. We refer to it as rehabilitation, overcoming, spiritual enlightenment, and other buzz words generic to this era of our lives. None of these, however, necessarily mean returning to your life. Sometimes the methods and assistance we receive in our overcoming stalls us in a holding pattern or void. Empty spaces remain inside of us, throbbing worse than the physical, mental, or economical hardship that brought us to this point. Why is that, despite the smiling face in the mirror and applause from everyone that helped us get to this point? Or is this the point?  Is it now really your life?

Even the most vibrant young and older adults suffer life altering experiences. Some experiences, they recover from easily over time. Then other incidents or illnesses take years of recovery after the initial experience concludes. These debilitating cycles can be caused by severe accidents, drug abuse, layoffs, and divorce, which cause permanent or temporary physical, economic, and mental disabilities. During this cycle the individual accumulates people and habits that can be more harmful to their well-being than the initial mental, economic, or physical condition. A person may find life no longer enjoyable and yearns for the “good ole days” or a period when finding happiness was not an effort, but easily accessible. This is the optimal moment when the effort to return to life is most important.

The concept of recovery or rehabilitation may seem easy at first. Some join clubs, become more spiritual, volunteer in organizations, go back to school, and change their style of dress or even address. Still there is that constant, nagging sadness within. That sadness, for the sake of clarity, we will call the accumulation of debt. A debt is something owed, yet it can be an assumed tie to people and habits that enforce negative feelings and guilt within the person consumed — the carrier. Within the mind of the carrier, pictures and scenarios play out constantly, reinforcing sadness, anger, paranoia, and taint whatever joy and accomplishment attainable. In an effort to break this cycle, some become extremely overt in their frivolity. They seek out outward stimulations as a substitute for inner peace and joy. Those who were present during the period of illness or mental upheaval become important, since through the continuous association with these persons, the carrier reinforces a sense of accomplishment. They develop mantras to reinforce their sense of accomplishment. We will hear them proclaim “I could have been dead,” or “I’m not where I used to be.” It is most important, during this period, to break these chains of negative reasoning to truly move ahead.

Moving ahead is fearful. There is no foundation in the return to life. There is no set road to follow; no security other than to choose their life. The carrier must recreate out of nothing a something, a new way of being acceptable to only them. In the search for self, the carrier becomes a magnate for sociopaths, conmen, opportunist, and those who live to pity — parasites. The carrier is targeted by those who have no real talent or skill other than to feed off the misadventures of others. The elderly, for example, become prey to many because of their vulnerability. Their well-earned fortunes are squandered by those taking care of their finances. Some suffer ill-health and dire living conditions due to unscrupulous caregivers. It is a sad situation but it is even sadder when a young vibrant carrier recovers to find that they have been living a similar situation, and feel they have no way out. But there is a way out. Hard, yet worth it.

Think of a table filled with fatty foods. There is a well-cooked turkey, drenched in a well-thickened gravy. It is accompanied by a platter of steaming roast pork, a three quart bowl of buttery mashed potatoes, a large pan of macaroni and cheese, three two inch steaks; and four bowls of ice cream, each topped with syrups and chocolate for dessert. There are no fresh vegetables and salads; nothing to off-set the oils and sweets you are to consume. You have been starving for many days and this is the closest bit of food source you can attain. You gorge yourself over and over again, day after day until you are no longer able to move away from the table. You become fearful that if you try to leave that table, you will be hungry again, starve even. So you stay.

You become the carrier of the memory of starvation. You carry the pain and fear of an aching belling, fierce cravings, light-headedness, and a savage mind with unthinkable thoughts. Your cholesterol is now out of control. Your blood pressure soars causing you to wobble on the chair. But now your legs are too heavy to move. The smell of the comfort food sickens you, but the fear of starvation weighs heavy against the urge to run away. It is this quandary that hinders many in their quest to return to life. Your parasite? The waiter, who elegantly replaces the ravaged pork platter, with a heaping platter of rack of lamb. As long as there are members at the table, he is paid to serve.

The First Bell

Leaving the focus off of self-inflicted catastrophes, such as drug and alcohol abuse, leaves a still wider array of situations open to us as humans. The climate of drug and alcohol rehabilitation has created a community of parasites, both apart and inclusive in the human rehabilitation or recovery systems. Due to the complexity and delicacy of the situation, we will leave that community for a more extensive conversation as it deserves a volume of chapters all its own. Accidents, layoffs, physical and mental, illness, mostly psychological trauma, constitute the worst forms of human pollution since they damage with no category of victims or prohibitions.  Everyone is open to each of these situations regardless of race, class, gender, or occupation. We may say, “What about a doctor?” Surprisingly, the more education or prestige a person acquires, the more destructive forces available to them. For instance, a dentist’s wife dies in a plane crash. While suing the airline for millions, he begins to drink heavily. He is not only a dentist, but a white male with a luxurious office in a prominent part of town.  In America, he is king.  

Each working day, he eats breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner at a more bar than restaurant near his office. The owner of the bar-restaurant is honored to have a dentist among the truck drivers and office workers frequenting his place. They form a firm friendship. Meals are half-priced or free. Drinks are always full-price, plentiful, and include a tip. The dentist meets a young administrative assistant during lunch. He tells her his story. They begin to meet every day and form a solid friendship. He loves her, she loves him. He’s counting on the $4,000,000 suit with the airline to cover his faltering work ethic.  They fly away for a two month vacation tour of Europe. She is only a temp at the office. He returns to his stool broke and alone. She finds another bar.

The dentist’s partner forces him out of the LLP. His clients have dwindled. One woman slaps the drill from his wobbling fingers after smelling the alcohol on his breath. Now, the dentist is at the bar morning until evening. The owner becomes less friendly as the dentist’s running tab is not paid at the end of the week. The owner must demand his money but is conflicted.   The owner has just learned he has prostate cancer. Turns out, the building housing the bar-restaurant, he leased for 25 years, is being sold. The lease will not be renewed. Therefore, his home, which he also leases, he can no longer afford. An IRS audit shows him owing in excess of $200,000 and his car, also leased, must be returned. Oh! His wife is leaving him. She is not going to move into an apartment with an ailing husband who has treated her badly for the past 10 years of their 32 year marriage. The dentist and the bar-restaurant owner are more in love than ever.  

  Accidents could be due to carelessness. There are varying degrees of carelessness in the human condition. Individuals and worldviews dictate the concept of responsibility. Yet, there is always a point at where we have a conscious or unconscious choice — to the left or to the right. Then sometimes, the choice is made for us.

Speak directly and succinctly.

Have the courage of your convictions.

Deflect, deny, obfuscate.

Avoid personal attacks until they are initiated by another.

Be brutally honest.

Hold your tongue unless directly addressed;

BUT

Feel free to drop in sarcastic, irrevlevant remarks to confuse the issue.

Be direct, be honest, be fair.

Know you are beneath very little, but aspire to wisdom.

Respect all life, but reserve love for the deserving.

Coerce, manipulate and subvert each situation to the advantage of yourself and your family.

An internal dialogue which progresses toward solutions to one’s problems is natural; an internal dialogue that circulates endlessly and is tinged with self-loathing is pointless and stupid.

Engage in activities that please you. 

Engage in activities you do not enjoy to please those you love: Their happiness will be your happiness.

Don’t rely on others to please you.

Use violence as a last option; but if someone insists on fighting, be vicious and merciless.

[I'll add more as I think of them]

Tanguera for Orchestra.

A long time ago I used to be a hard core Christian and “witnessed” (aka pushed my beliefs on others) every chance I got. However, like most Christians who push their beliefs on others I didn’t understand the Bible very well. And I didn’t just witness that Jesus died for our sins. I preached the moral values taught in the Bible (except for the ones that modern society has deemed ridiculous and we tell ourselves the Bible wasn’t really serious about).

One of the big moral topics I preached about was sexuality. Funny thing about the Bible. God killed a man (Onan) for pulling out of his wife’s vagina when he orgasmed. It also said in the Old Testament that if you have a wet dream you have to be exiled from the camp for a week or two until you’re “clean” again. Moses’s daughters got him drunk and incestually raped him, and God was pleased with this. Most of the biggest heroes in the Old Testament had multiple wives (which they bought from their fiances’ fathers). Women were considered unclean when they were on their periods and it was immoral to touch any part of their body during that time or you would become unclean too. Jesus said that it’s better to get married than to burn with passion. Now, did he say that because God told him it was virtuous or because Jesus was giving practical advice to people who lived under a theocracy so brutal it made Saddam Hussein look like Hello Kitty, and under that theocracy’s law you’d be stoned to death for having premarital sex? If Americans could be killed for having premarital sex I’d be telling my friends not to risk it either.

But I didn’t know all that back then. At the time I just blindly preached that masturbation, homosexuality and premarital sex were bad. At first I told people to believe these things because the Bible says they’re true. (Though I can’t off the top of my head think of a passage that ever mentions masturbating specifically). Of course, atheists didn’t believe those rules were justified simply because the Bible said they were true. They demanded real reasons. Naively I assumed that since the Bible was true there were logical reasons to back up all of its claims. So I put a lot of time and effort into objectively and logically justifying its rules about morality.

Where I fucked up was trying to be objective about it and not just trying to cook up answers that justified my preexisting beliefs. Why? Because I couldn’t find any logical reasons for those rules on morality other than they were created by primitive, ignorant, superstitious, chauvinistic, self-loathing goat herders who worshiped a God whose moral philosophy could best be summed up, “God is always good. Humans are always bad. Anything that makes you happy is bad. Anything that makes you sad is good.”

Over time I gradually developed a new philosophy on sexual morality based on observable facts, objectivity, and logic. On a side note, if you’ve ever wondered how non-believers can live a moral life, that’s how. And it’s a much more efficient and accurate system than believing the drivel of primitive, ignorant, superstitious, chauvinistic, self-loathing goat herders who worshiped a God whose moral philosophy could best be summed up, “God is always good. Humans are always bad. Anything that makes you happy is bad. Anything that makes you sad is good.”

The world is awash with bizarre, unfounded, illogical and contradictory moral standards for sexual behavior. The consequence of such a poorly designed code of ethics is a world awash with human suffering. People are stoned to death and and have their heads cut off for adultery and promiscuity. People are jailed and put on sex offender lists for life and denied the possibility of enjoying a life of liberty and happiness. Priests rape children because they can’t fuck anyone else. There are personal consequences that are for more common yet subtle enough to ignore. Children grow up sexually frustrated. And they’re denied the liberty of exploring their sexuality resulting in a loss of self-respect. People loath themselves for the natural feelings their bodies create. People find creative and dangerous ways to excuse themselves for having sex. The list goes on and on.

I’m not saying that my philosophy on sexuality is necessarily right, but it is objective, logical, and based on observable facts.

The premise of this philosophy is drawn from my overall philosophy on ethics: Every living (or at the very least, sentient) being is equally valuable and is entitled to the same inalienable rights. Everyone is entitled to the freedom to live, grow, and exercise their free will as long as it doesn’t interfere with another person’s rights. Any action that doesn’t hurt another person or interfere with their growth/will is permissible. Any rule that tells you an action is immoral even if it doesn’t hurt anyone or impede anyone’s growth/will has no real logical justification and will only serve to hurt people and impede their growth/will.

Humans are born with a powerful sex drive. We’re all addicted to sex. Even if (or rather, especially if) we’re not having sex we still crave it as strongly, and sometimes more so, than food or water.

This addiction is mostly indiscriminate. We all have our fetishes and preferences, but for the most part our body just tells us, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It’s actually not even that discriminating. It’d probably be more accurate to say it tells us, “Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate. Ejaculate.”

A lot of different religions have a lot of different moral rules for sexuality they claim were commanded by God. I suspect they were all written by men. I can’t prove what God really wants, but I do know this. Mother Nature (by any other name) designed us to fuck and ejaculate our brains out. And if we choose not to, our bodies were designed with an override switch that frustrates us and makes us more and more horny until it breaks our will and more or less forces us to fuck or at least ejaculate. It’s logical that this was done to ensure the survival of the species, but it has some adverse side-effects also, namely rape.

We need to ejaculate. We need to ejaculate like we need to eat, and if God is real then God wrote that commandment into our DNA. And we should obey God. But God aside, we should do it for our own mental health and for the safety of others so that override switch doesn’t get flipped and cause us to harm another person. We owe it to our fellow man to ejaculate on a regular basis.

However you bring yourself to orgasm (as long as it doesn’t hurt another person or impede their growth/will) is morally permissible and even irrelevant.

A lot of people claim that they were born heterosexual or homosexual. I don’t buy either of those. Granted, there are some people who were born with gender defining chromosomes that contradict the sexual organs they were born with. Given the opportunity most of these people get sex changes or at least live a transsexual lifestyle. But even then, there’s nothing in their body telling them they absolutely cannot fuck anyone or anything. It would be an understatement to say that we were all born bisexual. We were all born omnisexual.

So accept yourself for what you are, a sexual being. And masturbate with confidence. Use sex toys with confidence. Have premarital sex with confidence. Have gay sex with confidence. Just practice your sexuality responsibly, which is to say, in a way that respects your obligation to live, grow, excercise your free will and doesn’t hurt anyone else or impede their right to grow/will.

Last Friday I was at the local animal shelter returning some abandoned kittens that my wife and I were fostering until they were old enough to be adopted. See, I’m not such a bad guy. Anyway, this girl walks behind the counter dressed in the really, really elegant and professional pant suit outfit. Well, this girl has double D cup breasts, and the neckline of her shirt is so low more than half of her pushed up breasts were exploding out of her shit. It was impossible to look at her without seeing nothing but voluptuous DD breasts bursting out of that naughty secretary outfit. It was awesome. Anyway, she said she was dressed up so nice because she was going to a job interview. I’m sure she’ll get the job..

Jump forward to my house later that night. I’m watching an old episode of the Daily Show with Charlize Theron as the guest, and she’s joking with John Stewart about sleeping with directors to get a job.

This got me thinking. Is it immoral to show off your breasts to get a job? Is it immoral to sleep with someone to get a job? WHY? Before reading any further take a few minutes to articulate the reasons WHY you answered each question the way you did.

What determines sexual immorality? Should you only have sex in the missionary position? Is oral immoral? What about felching? More importantly, if any of these things are immoral, then WHY are they immoral? Most people can’t really articulate why they draw the line where they do. Most people who hate homosexuals can’t give a real, solid reason why homosexuality is wrong. Most likely they’ll fall back on no excuses like “It’s unnatural.” Let’s be honest, that doesn’t really mean anything. Or “The Bible says it’s wrong.” But the Bible doesn’t say WHY it’s wrong. Nobody has an actual reason why sexual acts are wrong other than, “It’s just gross.” But that’s a subjective opinion. I think oysters are gross. I don’t think oyster bars should be shut down though.

Everybody agrees that rape and incest are wrong. But there are cut and dry, practical reasons WHY. Those are the only sexual acts whose morality is black and white.

Some other sexual acts are dangerous but consensual. Are those acts immoral? Anal sex can cause bleeding, infection, and pass STDs, but a guy hung like a horse having unprotected sex with a gymnast will cause her to bleed, possibly get an infection, and can pass an STD as surely as anal sex. Does that mean it’s immoral and should possibly be illegal for a 7 foot tall black man to date a 5 foot tall Asian gymnast? Would you hate them? Would you be afraid to let your children spend the night at their house?

There are a few more reasons you should be careful waving the safety-card too dogmatically. If you want to hurt yourself, that’s your business and your right. Bondage isn’t illegal. Sadomasochists are allowed to join the military and marry. Tattoos aren’t illegal. It’s not illegal to swim in really cold water.

Also, I don’t care who you are you do things that hurt yourself. Maybe you smoke. Maybe you drink. Maybe you eat at McDonalds. Maybe you tan too much. Maybe you drive recklessly. Maybe you wear makeup that has mercury in it. You do things that hurt yourself, and you’re not going to give it up. You’re certainly not going to criticize other people for doing it.

Well, that covers all the reasons I can think of WHY any sexual act might be immoral. I just can’t for the fucking life of me come up with any reason WHY anal sex, oral sex, homosexuality, sex before marriage, prostitution, polygamy, polygyny, swinging, fisting, snowballing, rimming, etc. are immoral.

It bugs me when I talk to people about things they don’t agree with, and the conversation ends with them (and this is usually really old people who have done this to me) holding up their hand and saying, “Well, I just don’t agree.” Or “Well, I just think it’s gross.” Or “Well, I just think it’s wrong.” Or “I don’t need a reason. I have faith.”

This is really simple. Answering the question, “Is prostitution immoral?” is like calculating the value of Pi. The ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter is approximately 3.14. We’ve all heard this before, and we all believe it. But how many of us can explain WHY the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter is 3.14? Not many of us. It might not even be true! But everyone else says it’s true. So we assume it must be. The proof is just unnecessary details.

Is it really? If everyone in the world was wrong about the value of pi our computers wouldn’t work. Our calendars would be off. We couldn’t send anything into orbit much less to another planet. We wouldn’t even be able to calculate statistics accurately. But people who use pi know WHY it equals 3.14. So they don’t fuck it up. People who use sex don’t know WHY they draw the line on morality where they do, and as a result their sex lives are as fucked up as a lopsided circle. To make matters worse they’re constantly trying to tell other people that the sexual universe is geocentric and the sexual earth is flat when in reality the sexual universe is heliocentric, and the sexual world is round. This is just another little area in life where not thinking will cause us to trade the joys of life for untold suffering.

If anyone can come up with some logical reasons for sexual moral guidelines other than dogmatic faith in your preconceived beliefs that were forced upon you by the culture you were born in and you believed them your entire life without questioning or ever having and actual reason for believing in them I’d love to hear your arguments.

Self-actualization is the predominant god of our American culture. It is nothing new to humanity.  In fact, it has roots in humanity’s fall in the Garden of Eden.  The idea was made prominent in modern psychology and sociology by Abraham Maslow.  His famous quote, “What a man can be, he must be.  This need we call self-actualization” is taught in every psychology, sociology, and educational course.  It is a cornerstone idea of our contemporary world.

Kurt Goldstein (an organismic theorist) was the first to introduce the idea that every person strives to realize his or her or potential. His idea was that this overpowering urge was the master motive for every human desire.  In fact, he believed it to be the only true motive.  All other motives a person may have were simply manifestations of the desire for self-actualization. “Goldstein defined self-actualization as a driving life force that will ultimately lead to maximizing one’s abilities and determine the path of one’s life” (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_actualization).

Interestingly, Kurt Goldstein’s book was titled “The Organism: A Holistic Approach to Biology Derived from Pathological Data in Man”. Notice the part about “derived from the pathological data in man“.  Studying human pathology and deviancy certainly will give insights into the motivations of human behavior.  One has to wonder, however, if it is a good baseline with which to start.  That aside, Abraham Maslow broadened Goldstein’s idea and popularized it.  Now it is as much of our cultural ethos as religion and politics.

What started out as an identifier for human motivations has come to be considered a human right of every individual regardless of consequences or deviancy or even pathological behavior.  We are told that we will never be happy until we attain self-actualization, which has come to mean personal fulfillment and happiness at whatever cost.  I wonder what Goldstein and Maslow would think of where our popular culture has taken their ideas.  Did they even foresee the possibility of these unintended consequences to their studies?

Personal fulfillment and happiness are wonderful things in the right perspective and context. However, when they are twisted to the ends of human pathology or the spiritual fallen nature of humankind one has to wonder how bizarre it all can get.  After all, self-actualization, personal fulfillment, and happiness must assume the good nature and motivation of the human heart.  But what if that human nature is evil and the heart “deceitfully wicked”?  What then?

I cannot speak for any one else, but I know for a fact that many of the things that I have desired in my heart and thought would bring me ultimate happiness and fulfillment would have really destroyed me and my relationships.  It is only by the grace of God that I did not go there and get there or realize self-actualization.  Even those things that seemed good and honest at the time in hindsight now reveal a tragic end had I gone down that path.

Self-actualization seems to be the very thing that the serpent tempted Adam and Eve with in the garden: “Surely you will not die.  You will become like God”.  There is the promise that what they saw and desired truly would not destroy them.  Instead it would fulfill them.  They would reach their hearts’ true desire – self-actualization – to be like their Creator.  Who does not want to be like God?  That would be a good thing, right?  Not that way, it turns out.

In reaching out to consume the fruit of self-actualization they destroyed the thing they desired most – a growing knowledge of their Creator and becoming like their Creator.  The permissible attitude that says, “As long as it makes you happy is all that counts.  As long as you become a fulfilled individual is what is important.  As long as you reach the vision of who you think you can become (self-actualization) you have the right to it”.  This is the bait that appeals to our pride and feels so good to our wounded psyches.

Flamingos Ix Pu Ha', Mexico ©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

Unfortunately, it is easier to see and point out the deviancy in another’s choices and motivations than our own. Thus, our efforts at self-actualization are permissible where someone else’s are not according to our judgment.  But who is to make that big, final decision.  Many people would say that it is the changing mores of our culture and society.  Therefore, laws should change to reflect the social values of our times.  In other words, what’s outlawed today may be permitted tomorrow to make another group of people happy.  Thus, marijuana may be illegal today, but some day in the future it maybe legalized.  Homosexual marriage may be illegal today, but in the future may be legal.  Multiple marriage partners may be illegal today, but in the future may be legal (it already is in some countries).  Each group, however small, struggling to gain self-actualization, no matter how deviant, has the hopes that someday their behavior will be acceptable and normalized.  In the end, who has the right to refuse anyone from self-actualization?  Apparently, no one.  Not even a divine authority such as God and his Word.

Thus, relativism plays a big part of shaping attitudes toward self-actualization. If there are no absolute values or truths, then there really are no deviant or wrong behaviors.  We really cannot fault pathological human behavior no matter how slight or severe because it is all an attempt to realize what a human being truly can be.  In this world, it is like driving on a road system with no rules or no signs.  You can drive any way you like as long as you don’t kill someone else.  Just honk your horn loud enough to let everyone else around you know that you are there and where you are going.  There is no right way or wrong way to drive on life’s road.  All roads lead to the same end – happiness, fulfillment, and self-actualization.

So, it does not matter the cost or the consequences. Go ahead and get that divorce to be happy.  Go ahead and follow the natural inclinations of a deceitful and wicked heart no matter where it leads.  Go ahead and have sex with anyone as long as you and your partners are fulfilled.  Go ahead and do whatever is necessary to be self-actualized.  In the end, all that matters is that you are happy, fulfilled, and self-actualized.  After all, you are like God.  You know right from wrong and what is really good or evil for yourself.  Go ahead.  Indulge.  Take a bite of this apple.

©Weatherstone/Ron Almberg, Jr. (2009)

Sometimes we worry too much instead of letting life happen.
I know this because time and again there were movements between people that kept me arched on the edge of my seat.
And then… it all dissolved into a sweet, warm ocean breeze.

So I say again…
sometimes we worry too much instead of letting life happen.
Branches may break off of a tree, but while the birds may lose a nest, and caterpillars fall to the ground, the tree is rejuvenated by the juices it tried to force through a closed, burned out appendage.
The flow of nutrients and vibrant motion excels to a symphony of sunlit euphoria.
Fruit bears plentiful. Flowers increase to feed insects waiting in the shade of its living branches.
The caterpillars that survive reclaim new and succulent life, as their dead replenish the earth. And they are glad.
The birds build new nest for ever waiting creation. And they are glad for the sound foundations under their burdened, aching feet.

So I must repeat…
sometimes we worry too much instead of letting life happen.
We are nature’s burden not its glory. Not its conquest nor conqueror.
For even the rocks change form and context as we look only at its outer crust.
Men still bear the weight of sickness and death. Women still bear children; tell stories, till the soil of hearth and home.
Divided by consequence, we give and take; weep and laugh; sorrow and jest at the folly of what we call Earth.

Yet we are glad.

Airlines Take Cost Cutting to New Lows

In an effort to cut costs, major airlines are resorting to cutting back even the smallest of items to curb expenditures. One in particular is the removal of barf bags on flights commencing August. “Annual savings are expected to exceed $450,200US”, stated investor relations manager Carol Bauer, “The small percentage who actually use them are increasing ticket prices for the rest.” But outraged motion sickness prone travelers had a less enthusiastic view of the matter. When the airlines were asked what they expected passengers to do in the event of motion sickness they replied, “Users of our planes who are prone to such sensitivities should bring with them preventative medicines and appropriate containers, we are not operating a flying hospital.”

Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Female Manikin

A man was arrested last Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women’s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle the manikin’s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said “I couldn’t help it…”

Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 Years

In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. “At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn’t waste the money – but that didn’t work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn’t promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been overshadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can’t because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up.”