Before I Self Destruct (2009) is an uncompromising view of life in the inner-city that focuses on how things can change without warning. When that happens, you can be forced into making decisions that alter your path and the life of those around you. The story is told from the view of Clarence (Curtis Jackson), who also adds insightful narrative of his… http://www.dainsmoviereviews.com/2009/11/before-i-self-destruct-movie-review.html

Director Robert Zemeckis after his successful “Polar Express (2004)” and “Beowulf (2006)” has taken his crush with 3D technology to the next level with a neat presentation of what greed can bring to a man in “A Christmas Carol”. The classic novel written by Charles Dickens has been adapted well on screen and this adaptation is quite different from the previous attempts made by our filmmakers. In fact this is a big budget animation tale which utilizes all available technology to the optimum level possible and the final product is a visual treat to watch. Read More

Have a bit imagination, have lots of fantasy, and be in your childhood during the early 80s in the United States. And maybe then you are able to produce a short film, which includes the son of Rambo trying to save his father.
Son of Rambow is definitely an enjoyable movie, even though I was expecting a bit more. After all, this is not a spoof of some kind for the Rambo movies, it is more a movie about growing childhood friendship and getting out of the miserable family life for a while to have lots of fun. The family can’t always watch the kids.
Son of Rambow deals with Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner), who is looking for an escape from his family’s stifling home life when he encounters Lee Carter (Will Poulter), the school bully. Armed with a video camera and a bootlegged copy of Rambo: First Blood, Lee plans to make cinematic history by filming his own action-packed video epic and uses Will as stuntman. Together, the two newfound friends-turning-filmmakers quickly discover that their imaginative and sometimes mishap-filled cinematic adventure has begun to take a life of its own, when the French exchange student Didier (Jules Sitruk) enters the filming stage.

A little spoof of Rambo, a little bit of an adventure movie, a little bit childhood friendship story, a little bit family sense and even some real action, paired with suspense – basically, this movie has everything for a nice family evening with parents and kids. There are always little rascals, who stole a video cassette or a DVD from daddy’s collection to watch the bloody R rated action movie, because he is always saying “You can’t watch this, son”. But secretly, son is watching it and starts having dreams about his wishful future: He want to be an action star. In my case, it wasn’t that different.
Son of Rambow was pretty sweet, thankful to the child actors and their characters. They are not over-the-top, instead written very simple and believable. Will Poulter is giving an incredible performance as school bully and in-the-movie-Colonel, but it would not have been bad to give him a bit more character development. Especially his relationship with his brother Lawrence (Ed Westwick) seems a bit unclear, is the bigger brother first just on his little brither, so Lee can cook Lawrence something to eat and give him watches, but after an unseen change in Lawrence’s character, he is a caring brother and a father figure for Lee. Will is the typical young teenager, trapped into a sect of a strict religious group that prohibits him from having any friends outside the group and strictly forbids him from watchings any TV or movies. His change in life is a bit unbelievable, after he accidentally sees Rambo: First Blood for the first time, but the effect in his life (practically growing a mind over night) is really nice. Their friendship story is believable, and all ups and downs are their – being blood brothers, having fights, saving each other’s lives, and learning from each other.
Together with the French exchange student Didier (a perfect example for the ridiculous new-wave fashion of the 80s), their friendship is having difficulties, when Didier forces himself to Will’s and Lee’s movie production, because he is bored kissing all the girls in school. Didier is the middle part of Will’s and Lee’s relationship, bringing them apart, but really showing both of them, what life during childhood really means.
The rest of the new-found buddy clique are only extras with no real intentions to show Son of Rambow’s two heroes the meaning of life, but giving a perfect comic relief for the story, though the funny parts of the movie were rarely spread (but the scene in which Didier shoots down a bird, and the bird hits one of his followers on a bike was very hilarious).
The dream sequences (including a well-alive scarecrow and Will imagining exploding bombs and napalm fires on a field while driving past by it) are interesting, and show the obsession Rambo: First Blood has with Will, even though I wished to see more about his obsession to the movie
 After all, Son of Rambow is not really a comedy movie almost everybody was hoping it to be, it is more a simple and easy-going tale about friendship, family, loyalty and religion – pretty much in comparison with the more character toned Stand By Me from 1986. But it doesn’t mean that Son of Rambow isn’t completely unfunny. Here and there were laughable scenes, with so much heart you wished to be a kid again – no worries, cool summer days, worthy friendship with the kids from the neighborhood. And as long as everything is settled in the early 80s, then everything is good.

Son of Rambow is touching, heart-warming, beautiful, well-acted, funny, emotional, family friendly and a wonderful piece set in the 80s. Director Garth Jennings delivered a well-made film (and survived his The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy flop), and it doesn’t hurt to compare them with other buddy clique adventure movies like Stand By Me or The Goonies, though these films had different topics to offer. But on the surface they are all the same: friendship wins over dull life.
Not really the overhyped British comedy sensation, but definitely worth a look.

It’s obviously no big secret that I have  a serious weakness for Harry Connick Jr. So, when Mom and I were scoping out vids for our pile the other weekend and stumbled across this one — added bonus of being set somewhere snowy, which we love — there was really no resisting it.  Yes, I knew it was a romantic comedy.  Yes, I don’t typically go for those (unless they also involve zombies, of course).  But when you get a good one, they can be really fun.  And you know what?  This one is a good one.

The story is your fairly traditional “fish out of water” type thing — it reminded me a lot, actually, of another favorite of mine, Diane Keaton and Sam Shepard’s Baby Boom.  In New in Town, Renee Zellwegger plays Miami businesswoman Lucy Hill, who, as the film opens, is living up her fast-paced lifestyle with a jog in the warm Florida morning before work.  She then changes into a sexy skirt-suit with serious high heels and heads into work, where she’s promptly told the company is sending her to Minnesota — in the dead of winter — to oversee the downsizing of the corporation’s food processing plant in the tiny town of New Ulm.

Armed with eight suitcases of completely inappropriate clothing, Lucy gets off the plane in New Ulm to discover a whole new, thoroughly frozen world.  There’s a great shot here, actually, set at the baggage claim in the airport, where the camera pans down to focus on everyone’s feet — boots, boots, boots, boots, what the HELL are you thinkin’, lady?!

New Ulm is different in other ways, too.  Her new secretary, Blanche Gunderson (the always awesome Siobhan Fallon) is a frumpily-dressed, scrapbook-loving, tapioca maniac.  The plant manager, Stu Kopenhafer (the also always awesome J. K. Simmons) keeps doing things to exploit her city-girl naiveté (closing the plant for the fictitious “Gopher Day,” e.g.).  And then there’s the head of the union — truck-driving, beer-guzzling, unshaven, plaid-wearing Ted Mitchell.  Only Ted — well, Ted is played by Harry Connick Jr.  ‘Nuff said.

The story follows the standard trajectory for these sorts of films and there’s nothing all that original about it.  But what makes this one stand out is that it is truly, authentically charming and funny.  Zellwegger is great in this sort of role — think the opposite of Bridget Jones but played with the same sense of humor — and Harry Connick Jr., SAY NO MORE.

Mom and I both really enjoyed this one and I think any fan of the genre or any of the actors will love it too.  Recommended, and a great one if you’re looking for something to watch with family of all ages over the holidays!

[Netflix me | Buy me]

Genre: Romantic Comedy
Cast:  Harry Connick Jr., Renee Zellweger, J.K. Simmons, Rashida Jones, Siobhan Fallon

            Since the dawn of the cinema movie goers have been fascinated with vampires. From Nosferatu’s shadow creeping it’s way up the stairs to Brad Pitt’s sullen and moody Louis in Interview with a Vampire, if it’s undead then people will watch it. This kind of interest could come from the viewing public’s knowledge of their own mortality. It is also possible that the tickets are bought just to see something that is eldritch and strange like a celluloid sideshow act. Whatever the cause, the tickets are sold and therefore Hollywood will always love to sink their fangs into a new vampire story.   

            “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” is the second installment in the film adaptation of Stephanie Meyers’ book series that quickly became a world wide phenomenon. We take up with Bella Swan while she is still licking her wounds from the vampire skirmish a year ago. The plot begins as she is celebrating her eighteenth birthday with the family of vegetarian bloodsuckers that befriended her in the first movie. When Bella accidentally gets a paper cut the Cullen’s make the hard realization that their presence is only doing more harm than good. When Edward (Robert Pattinson) leaves the area Bella is left heartbroken. She now seeks comfort in adrenaline and fortifying her friendship with the recently buff Native American Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner). Also starring in this film are Dakota Fanning, Michael Sheen, and Peter Facinelli.

            While Catherine Hardwicke’s previous installment managed to keep our pulse up with scenes of vamp-fu action and pubescent sexual tensions director Chris Weitz’ New Moon just leaves us flat lining. The young group of actors in this movie are gradually becoming better but sadly the story and script are not. I was impressed by how much Lautner’s acting ability has progressed beyond where he was a year ago and beyond that of his costars. But if the script he is given isn’t good not even the best actor could make it sound any better. The dialogue in this movie is not believable and is more jerky than even the James Dean wannabe leading man. This movie flows like a trip to the DMV. It takes you to a few key plot points and sluggishly brings you back to where you started time and time again.

            This movie gives a poor self image for it’s female characters. The protagonist, Bella, is a one dimensional teenager that cannot show one iota of independence or individuality. The only time she feels comfortable is when she is suicidally pouting over the loss of one man or insipidly hanging on the arm of another. What kind of message does this send to the throngs of young girls that fill these theaters texting and swooning over the bounty of sweaty teenage chest in this movie? That women should only act as subjective doormats and nothing more? OMG!

            This film is exclusively focused at it’s main demographic and people who do not fall into that group may not get it. I am sure that the many twi-hard devotees out there will thoroughly enjoy this film for how close to the original story Chris Weitz stayed. However, if you have not read the books and still do not understand how vampires became sex icons I recommend that you see something else.

Laura, Lauren, and I recently saw “The Blind Side” starring Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw.  This rivoting, must-see movie is based on the true story of Michael Oher who now plays football in the National Football League for the Baltimore Ravens. 

Oher was virtually homeless, but was able to overcome his situation after a wealthy Christian family took him home to live with them.  After a short, but successful high school career, he went on to play at the University of Mississippi where he became a first-team All-American.  After graduation, he was drafted in the first round by the Baltimore Ravens.

I promise you’ll laugh out loud and then wonder if you laughed TOO loud for the setting.  I also encourage you to take a hanky in case your allergies “act up” like mine did throughout the whole blasted movie!

The Last Crusade is the last original Indiana Jones movie. Indiana’s father is missing after he took a job trying to find the Holy Grail. Indiana needs to pick up where his father left off, and find out what happened to him. This is probably my favorite movie of the original trilogy. I liked the story, and the characters did not annoy me. It basically follows the same mold that the other two movies had. We find out more about Indiana’s childhood and  how he became the man that he was. There was some character development which is nice to see. If you like the first two movies you will probably like this. The cast includes Harrison Ford (Star Wars, The Fugitive), Sean Connery (Darby O’Gill and the Little People, Dr. No), and John Rhys-Davies (The Lord of the Rings, Aladdin and the King of Thieves).

Wes Anderson’s stunning “Fantastic Mr. Fox” proves to be a worthy yin to Spike Jonze’s “Where the Wild Things Are” yang. Instead of focusing on the unhinged passion and exuberance that comes with youth as seen in “Wild Things,” Anderson and co. deliver a quirky, witty and honest look into growing up, growing old and if we are more than domesticated wild animals.

Adapted from the children’s book by Roald Dahl, Anderson uses the original story as a plot device for the film. Painstakingly shot in beautiful stop-motion, George Clooney voices the eponymous title character.

After a lifetime of stealing chickens from the farms of Boggis, Bunce, and Bean, Mr. Fox promises his wife (Meryl Streep) to take a less dangerous job in order to better provide for his family. Twelve years later (fox years, mind you), Mr. Fox has a great job; a beautiful house and yet still has an itch that suburban life just can’t scratch.

The ensemble cast gives so much depth and humanity to their roles that you virtually forget that they are badgers, foxes, and rabbits instead of the commonplace people that are in everyday life. Clooney is spot-on as the lead character, giving such charisma and charm to the role that the audience is taken on a joyride compared to watching one.

To expect anything less than terrific from Bill Murray in a cameo spot is insulting and the actor doesn’t disappoint. Jason Schwartzman is infinitesimally close to stealing the spotlight from Mr. Fox himself, playing the main character’s son, Ash. While Clooney, Murray, and Schwartzman headline the film; it’s the support characters that really carry to film when Clooney is being Clooney.

Wallace Wolodarsky’s playing straight man to Clooney’s antics allows Anderson’s trademark deadpan style of comedy to permeate the film. Even though Wolodarsky plays a secondary, he and Eric Chase Anderson (Mr. Fox’s nephew) are easily the unsung heroes of the film.

While this film is based on the Roald Dahl book, Anderson does a very good job of incorporating his entire repertoire without infringing on either. That is an accomplishment in itself but it’s more impressive that there is still growth in the director’s filmmaking. The idea to film in stop motion, allows the anthropomorphic characters to come to life as realistic as possible but still carry an air of whimsy to the film.

Anderson’s bread and butter has always been dissecting family condition. While that element is ever present, the director adds subtle wrinkles and folds to keep it fresh. It’s like a piece of origami how he continually reinvents that premise. What makes this film different and wholly engaging is Anderson’s focus on if people can ever truly change or domesticate is more intriguing.

“Fantastic Mr. Fox” is a great film for people who want to see art films but think they won’t understand it. Lots of story with a great plot that encourages the viewer to think outside the box while delivered in a nice little package. A must see

First of all I want to tell you that this is a MUST SEE movie. Especially if you are a fan of movies Sphere or Event Horizon .

I don’t want to give much out from the movie because I don’t want to spoil anything. But this is an EPIC movie (at least for the science fiction fans ) with a moral dilemma : How would you behave if you wake up one day that you don’t need to obey any rules , and you can do even bad things with no repercussion .

Plot : Two crew members are stranded on a spacecraft and quickly – and horrifically – realize they are not alone. Two astronauts awaken in a hyper-sleep chamber aboard a seemingly abandoned spacecraft. It’s pitch black, they are disoriented, and the only sound is a low rumble and creak from the belly of the ship. They can’t remember anything: Who are they? What is their mission? With Lt. Payton staying behind to guide him via radio transmitter, Cpl. Bower ventures deep into the ship and begins to uncover a terrifying reality. Slowly the spacecraft’s shocking, deadly secrets are revealed…and the astronauts find their own survival is more important than they could ever have imagined.

In the end I have only one more thing to say : Go SEE this movie.

Enjoy.

So I saw the new sci-fi movie Pandorum today. I thought it was a pretty decent movie. I was able to follow the plot and all of the characters. however something about this movie made it hard to keep my attention. The movie would seem to have points of intense shakiness of the camera to help portray psychological distress and confusion. All that it would accomplish for me though is the feeling of sickness and would make me angry that the movie was being obnoxious.

So the movie starts off with corporal Bower awakening from what seems to be a space sleep chamber. of course Bower is unable to remember who he is and where he is and what he is supposed to do. After awhile his amnesia kicks the bucket and he goes over and awakens his lieutenant. They both stumble around and try to figure out what their mission is. Long story short Bower goes through some vents to try to find out whats going on, he runs into other humans, aliens, dead things and it just plays out to be a creepy good time. later the story starts to unravel about how people go crazy and what the mission of the space ship is and what happened to planet earth. I give this movie 6 out of 10 stars.  The Idea and plot was good but putting it all together made it for a stressful watch.

Today’s Film: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Hit Theaters on November 20^th, 2009

Directed by Chris Weitz

Notable Stars: Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan), Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen), Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black), Michael Sheen (Aro), Dakota Fanning (Jane)

Here is a link to New Moon’s IMDB page

My Rating – **** (out of a possible 5 stars)

Synopsis:  New Moon, the second installment in the Twilight series, picks up right where Twilight left off. Bella and Edward are officially together and trying to be normal seniors in high school. But romance is never simple, and soon Edward moves away leaving Bella all alone.  The newly buffed Jacob Black is there to help mend Bella’s broken heart with friendship and possibly more.

My first thoughts

As stated in my previous review of the film Twilight, I could make the necessary emotional connections to the story plot and I even found myself liking the characters. I was interested to see where this film, a sequel with a new director, took me. Twilight felt like a stand alone high school romance/vampire picture. Of course you want to know what happens to these characters, but it could have ended there. New Moon is a transition movie. It doesn’t stand particularly well on its own. It is a continuation of afore mentioned adventure.

Harlequin Romance Anyone?

The emotions in this film are Intense with a capital “I”. Bella is in pain, and who can blame her? Edward is the kind of man every woman wants, right? She had the perfect man, and he deserted her. There are no words to make that kind of pain go away. Only time heals those wounds. You feel for Bella, and then Jacob appears. Handsome, strong, compassionate Jacob. In real life, most people would fall into Jacob’s arms and let him fill the void Edward left, but not Bella. She resists, then resists again, then resists some more. You can see it in Kristen Stewart’s eyes. Jacob is not what she wants. Edward is.

This film is like watching a repetitive, frustrating tug of war. As the audience you get pulled back and fourth between wanting her to end up with Edward and then with Jacob. Even more than the original, this film is a chick flick. Most men will find it difficult to sit through. It is long and chalk full of scenes examining emotions and romantic turmoil.  I found that my mind was able to relate to the teenage angst, though it was usually an uncomfortable experience. For some reason these films make me relive pieces of my childhood. My stomach felt nervous for Bella and for Jacob. I’m worried enough for these characters that I’m fearful of them making mistakes. And mistakes in romance can be some of the most scarring. Just ask Harlequin…

Team Jacob

In this film, I found myself connecting the most with Jacob. He is the one that is coming to terms with who he is, while dealing with issues that only he can understand. I enjoyed everything about his character. He loves someone who does not love him back.  He deals with that and with many other extreme issues, while still basically remaining a gentleman. For me, he was the star of this film.

His character arch is vast and uncomfortable. At first, we can see he is sustained by only being a supportive wall for Bella to lean on. When we first experience Jacob in this film, he seems young, a little timid and infatuated. But then life steps in and very quickly he is a changed and different man.  Jacob transforms from an emotional pushover to a strong, resilient, warrior. His stance changes from a submissive slumped shoulder teen to a gladiator with head high, shoulders back and fists ready at his sides. His main focus shifts from supporting Bella, to suddenly supporting an ancient cause he feels is bigger than himself. He’s not perfect. He stumbles. Becoming a man is difficult. I can relate.

I have not read any of these books, so I do not yet know Jacob’s overall fate. But in this film alone I respected him and I was in his corner. I wanted Bella to kiss him. I wanted him to get the girl. And I wanted someone to help ease the torture he was obviously experiencing. I have always been partial to the truly tragic characters. They are more like the rest of us; trapped, always feeling like our true happiness is just beyond our reach. Besides, in this film and many before it, the werewolf really is a tragic case. I expect some tragedy in Jacob’s future and I will be cringing as that unfolds, because after New Moon, I am definitely a member of Team Jacob.

Don’t draw a line…

At one point in the film Bella asks this of Jacob. She does not want him to force her to choose between him and the Cullens. Like Bella, lines make me nervous. In real life you can feel these being drawn every day. People metaphorically trace a division line in the sand and suddenly ‘you are with us or against us’. Pride, fear and resentment are catalysts for such lines being drawn, and it is no different in New Moon. Werewolves don’t trust vampires and vice versa. Part of me wishes this could be written off as a make believe story device. But prejudices create lines between races, economic statuses and family loyalties in all of our lives. What makes New Moon unique is that we get to watch, from the beginning, as Jacob gets caught up in this B.S. He starts off innocent and prejudice free, then life changes him and he chooses a side. It’s difficult to witness and sad to see, but entering adulthood does not necessarily make us wiser and New Moon addresses this effectively.

Bottom Line:

New Moon is a pretty smooth ride. Not a lot of action but the emotions are heavy. It feels like waiting for a shoe to drop. You can feel something menacing on the horizon. There’s not much sunshine and the characters moods never get very bright either. This is a definite chick flick and the pace is pretty slow.  Lovers of the series will not be disappointed but the cliff hanger ending leaves us anxious to see the next installment. When I think of this film I see two faces: Bella and Jacob. Kristen Stewart does an excellent job reminding me of what it was like to be a confused teenage. Still, Taylor Lautner steals the show with both his bleeding heart and his muscled physique. Though this is a sequel, it has left me with more positive feelings for a longer time after viewing it than even the first film did. Thus, I am giving it ½ star higher rating than Twilight. Though I’m a man, I did like this film. I’m involved in seeing what happens next in the world of Twilight…

I approached the content of Seattle writer/director Lynn Shelton’s Humpday with some trepidation – in America pretty much the worst thing you can say (or even imply) about a straight man is that he may have some sexual interest in another man. You can see this in evidence in everything from homophobic stand-up comedy to sports trash-talking to films about straight men posing as gays to gain some special right or privilege (or the girl). What I did not want to see was yet another gay-bashing disguised as comedy. I was delighted to find the subject treated in an honest, sensitive and thoughtful manner in the knowing and funny film Humpday.

Dealing with issues of identity and choices beyond sex and sexuality, Humpday chronicles the reunion of college buddies Ben and Andrew. One has taken a more conventional path including marriage, a house and talk of having children. The other has followed the path of the Beat generation artists and poets, traveling around the world with no particular goal in mind but the trip itself. Their assumptions about one another are challenged as are their doubts about themselves and the choices they have made.

Shelton’s script is beautifully crafted and realized. Knowing a bit about the film from reviews and word-of-mouth, I wondered through the first half hour or so how she was going to pull this off. Natural, believable characters unfold as their relationships bend and twist and evolve, revealing surprising truths about love and friendship and sex. Strong performances from the cast, including Shelton’s own luminous supporting role as free-spirited Monica, demonstrate the director’s skillful,  subtle touch. Alycia Delmore’s turn as Anna, the patient wife struggling to understand her husband and herself and what it means to be married, brings a focus and clarity that is clever and satisfying. Mark Duplass and Joshua Leonard ultimately carry  the day though, delivering what feels like a single seamless performance in their critical scenes together. Their chemistry is just right, as is this enjoyable AND intelligent film.

Humpday is available on Netflix.

There have been at least a thousand different films about arrogant rookies who endure basic training and make their new commanding officer proud. We have had army, air force and marines but has their ever been one about US Coast Guard? Furthermore, do we need one?

The Guardian stars Kevin Costner as Ben Randall, a grizzled veteran of the Coast Guard who has developed a lengthy and infamous career as a rescue swimmer. Swimmers are the men we see jumping out of helicopters to help address the situation in the water before a victim is rescued by the helicopter.

One night, Randall has a rescue go horrifically wrong and the incident forces his commander, Capt. William Hadley (Clancy Brown) to send Randall to the Academy to train new swimmers. Randall feels crippled and to make matters worse his estranged wife, Helen (Sela Ward) leaves him.

In Randall’s first class, a new upstart Jake Fischer (Ashton Kutcher) beckons to break all Randall’s records and yearns to become the greatest swimmer the Academy has ever seen.

As basic training continues, Randall’s “no-holds-barred” training ruffles a lot of feathers with his fellow teachers and the cadets. However, Fischer is relentless.

Can Randall break Fischer? What is Fischer’s secret? Will Ben Randall ever get over the incident?

‘The Guardian’ is directed by Andrew Davis whose long career in Hollywood has spawned a lot of memorable action films. Davis’s first film that really established him as an up-incoming director was ‘Code of Silence’ which still stands as one of Chuck Norris’s strongest films from the mid 1980s.

He was responsible for introducing us to Steven Seagal in ‘Above the Law’ and for the very under-rated action film ‘The Package’ with Gene Hackman in the late 1980s. The early 1990s found Davis re-teaming with Seagal for ‘Under Siege’ which is still Seagal’s best film to date. Finally in 1993, Davis directed his most famous film when he re-imagined the classic TV series ‘The Fugitive’ with Harrison Ford.

After the Fugitive, it seems that Davis lost his way. All his movies post-Fugitive were overly long, cliched and disasters at the box office. He found some redemption when he directed the family film, ‘Holes’ which rejuvenated his struggling career and showed that Davis wasn’t a one genre director. Sadly, ‘The Guardian’ will not be his return to fine form in the action genre.

The film is solidly directed and has fine performances from both Kutcher and Costner but like so many Davis films before it, the film suffers the same curse as his recent track record.

The film feels like it could have ended at least six times. This film could have easily lost 30-40 minutes in the editing room.

I liked the open sea sequences which were ripe with intensity and danger. The Academy scenes were stable but nothing really new was explored. At times it felt like an instructional presentation on the Coast Guard.

I also felt that the film never allowed any of the supporting characters to materialize as anything more than tools to tell the overly long and drawn out story.

The perfect example of wasted screen time was Sela Ward playing the estranged wife, yet again. I really love Ward and always hoped she would find that plum role that would work but it seems as if she did all her great performances on TV.

I wanted this to be a showcase to what Davis gave us back in the early 90s but instead he seems to lack confidence. I think what would help Davis a lot would to be find a skilled editor who can make his films clean, sleek and under 140 minutes.

3 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

What a gigantic waste of time and money.

Essentially, that is my boiled down, bare bones opinion of this film. Though I guess I never should have gone in expecting more.

Being a “Twilight Virgin” or a Twirgin as I shall refer to myself, I had to do some research before attending the premiere. I glanced at a few of the books, rented the first installment in the saga and then purchased my popcorn and soda.

Unfortunately, my efforts to enjoy this film would prove fruitless.

From the get go, the film manages to be nothing more than a (I’m stretching here) dark teen romance, appealing to a “hot” genre of film and throwing in a bunch of attractive, half naked men. Well, I guess really pale skinny guys with shrunken facial features are attractive. This vampire craze is peculiar I must say.

The story, for those that don’t know, follows Bella a high school student at a school where vampires and apparently werewolves coexist with human beings. Though I’m not sure how/when vampires a)lived, functioned, went about normal lives during the day and b) didn’t want to “suck yer blood”. I thought that was an essential piece to the vampire essence.

Instead of bat like features, abilities…apparently these vampires can run really fast and have superhero like powers, such as mind reading, vision seeing and the like.

Now, never having been a “huge” vampire fan to begin with I may be a bit prejudice, but I don’t see how these so called vampires are actually…well vampires.

That subject aside, the story and plot of the film left much to be desired. Edward’s reasoning for leaving Bella was ridiculous and formulaic in every sense. You could guess the ending of the film from the start, even without reading the books or having seen the first film, which in my eyes is a tragedy for any film. Though apparently, America disagrees after the numbers posted this weekend by the film.

Overall, I thought this film tried to be a few different things and failed in most aspects. It’s an OK story with an OK cast and OK special effects (the werewolves are way too large and way too cg to be anything but laughable). If you liked the first one, sure go see this. Otherwise I’d recommend only viewing it if a)your girl cons you into it or b) if…well no, a is the only acceptable reason.