Trying to order a pint in a loud pub when you sound like Screech from Saved By The Bell is not an easy thing to do. But I did it. So it was a day of achievement yesterday. At a price.

I may not be able to talk at the moment but I can still drink and use my hands – which is a dangerous combination, as I proved last night on Faceybook. Reading back some of the things I said to people this morning makes me realise why I’ve been single for two years.  *red face*

Arsenal lost yesterday which all but puts us out of the championship race. Annoyingly, I expected it. Same old. Same old. During the game however, it was rather funny to see a toddler smashing the shit out of a friend of mine. Being a child, my mate had to just let him do it. You can’t retaliate against a child can you? It got messy. At one point, I thought the kid was going to smash him with a bottle. Future football hooligan in the making.

Two weeks left in this office and then I’m unemployed. Any film directors out there making a silent film soon? I’m your man. I could also play Mr Bean should anybody want to rebrand the franchise.

I wonder how much surgery will cost if I go private. Any ideas? Worth putting on my Christmas list? 

It’s only 10am and I am already thinking of lunch. Mmmm I love lunch. Lunchy lunch lunch. Here it goes, down down into my belly.

Apparently, I may need to have vocal therapy after surgery to prevent the nodules from coming back. Part of vocal therapy involves vocal exercises.

“The human torch was denied a bank loan.”

Ahhh Anchorman. I love it.

Más allá de lo que uno pueda parecer lo que es cierto es que hay parecidos que pueden ser extraordinarios. Sin ir más lejos ahora todas las televisiones están dándonos la tabarra con el parecido que tiene Paquirrín con el médico que trato a la madre durante un tiempo, el tristemente desparecido Dr. Muñoz Cariñanos.

Parecidos hay para todos los gustos y no tienen que ser precisamente entre personas que se conocen entre sí. Si no haber como se explica el parecido del Honorable expresidente Jordi Pujol con el mutante de “Desafío Total” Kuato o con el Maestro Yoda de “La Guerra de las Galaxias”, o el de otro expresidente, el Lehendakari Ibarretxe, con el Comandante Spock de la serie “Star Trek”, sin olvidarnos de lo que se parece el presidente Zapatero a Mr. Bean. Pero aún hay más ¿recuerdan al “Superhéroe Americano”, William Katt? Es igualito que David Bisbal, o el “Rolling Stone” Mick Jagger, calcado al feo de los “Hermanos Calatrava”. Entre los deportistas nos podemos encontrar al seleccionador Vicente del Bosque, al que podríamos confundir con el payaso Krusty de la serie “Los Simpson”, sin olvidarnos que en Telecinco tenemos a un periodista para cuando la cosa se ponga fea, Hilario Pino y Bruce Willis son igualitos. Yo sin ir más lejos tengo un amigo que se parece a Mr. Bean y otro a Imanol Arias.

Pero lo peor es cuando pasas de parecerte a otra persona a parecerte a tu perro. En muchas personas se da el caso, la cara del dueño y la del Bulldog es igual, o la de un Bóxer con su dueño, que no sabes a quien darle de comer.

Pero el colmo es cuándo ya te pareces hasta en los gestos, sino mirad a María Patiño que parece que se ha comido a su Caniche o a Belén Esteban que se parece a su Chihuahua, no sólo en lo físico, es que chilla igualito, igualito que el perro

Publicado en “La Voz de Ronda” 21/11/2009

VS

kawan, cerita ini hanyalah fiktif belaka. jika ada kesamaan dalam hal tempat, nama atau lain-lainnya, rasain aja. hehehe

cerita ini saya dapat dari dosen saya ketika kuliah. beliau adalah dosen yang mengjarkan saya dan teman-teman lainnya mata kuliah teori graph dan kriptografi. ketika mengajar, beliau memang sering menyelingi proses belajar yang cukup memusingkan itu dengan cerita-cerita imajinatif yang suka membuat bibir kami mengulumkan sesungging senyum.

begini certanya:

pada suatu ketika, Engkong Albert Einsten hendak menantang Mr. Bean. ia menantang Mr. Bean itu dengan memberikan pertanyaan yang nantinya, jika Mr. Bean bisa menjawab, akan diberikan upeti berupa pundi-pundi seharga 500 $. tetapi kalo tidak bisa, Mr. Bean hanya perlu mengeluarkan pundi seharga 5 $. tapi dengan syarat bahwa Mr. harus menggelontorkan pertanyaan pula kepada Engkong Einstein. jika Engkong ga bisa, dia akan memberikan Mr. Bean uang seharga 500 $ secara cuma-cuma. tapi kalo Engkong bisa menjawab, Mr hanya perlu mengeluarkan kocek seharga 5 $.

nah kawan, sampai disini anda paham?

baiklah, kita lanjutkan

pertanyaan pertama datang dari Engkong. “Berapa jauh jarak bumi dan bulan?”

nah lo. yang kaya ginian, Mr. Bean mah mana tau

Mr. Bean ga mau ambil pusing. intinya dia nyerah. maka 5 $ harus dia relakan ke tangan engkong

lalu bola berganti pada Mr.

Mr. berpikir keras untuk mencari pertanyaan yang tentunya ga boleh terjawab oleh Engkong

dan dapet. ini dia pertanyaannya: “binatang apa yang kalo naik bukit jumlah kakinya tiga tapi kalo turun kakinya jadi empat?”

Engkong, dengan segenap daya dan upayanya. mengandalkan kemampuan jenius otaknya plus koneksi para ilmuan jempolah, mulai meriset untuk menemukan pertanyaan aneh bin aneh bin aneh itu.

berhari-hari ia berpikir. berminggu-minggu ia berdiskusi. mencari dengan berselancar di dunia online, study pustaka, de el el. pokoknya segala cara ia tempuh untuk bisa menemukan apa jawaban dari pertanyaan “tolol” itu.

hingga akhirnya, menyerahlah si Engkong

“ane angkat senjata akh”, dengan muka penuh kekusutan ala Engkong datang menghampiri Mr.

bukan main, Mr. melonjak girang. ia melompat setinggi-tingginya ke angkasa

“yes” gumamnya

“ah, ente Kong. pertanyaan gitu aja gak bisa. sini bayar 500 $”

mau gak mau, Engkong tetep harus mematuhi aturan perjanjian. maka, ludeslah duit 500 $ itu ke tangan Mr.

Engkong, dengan raut muka awut-awutan plus penasara bertanya pada Mr.

“apa jawabannya akh. ente harus menjawab. ane penasaran”

maka dengan senyum sumringah plus gaya kikuk ala Mr, ia menjawab dengan ringan

“ane juga ga tau akh jawabannya”

dan secepat kilat Mr. menggelontorkan duit sejumlah 5 $ pada sang Engkong

maka cerita selesai

ada pertanyaan?

I have noticed Volkswagen Beetle has been dragged up onto the big screen all over the world. The film ‘Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shagged Me’ used the car because it had a very 60’s vibe! Not only that but the Beetle has made quite the impact on the animated screen in ‘The Simpsons’, ‘American Dad’ and ‘Family Guy’, all  of which have depicted the car in their series., even animated Mr Bean drives a version of the Beetle, and Ugly Betty. I’m not too sure why this car is so popular, but i do think it has something to do with the unusual shape of the Volkswagen Beetle, Aberdeen is swarming with these little bug cars and too right, they are beautiful, extremely spacious inside and completely unique. They can be a pain to park but just takes practice.

In honor of “Turkey Day” (as my Italian husband calls it), I thought it would be appropriate to share a Thanksgiving-inspired video. Since I love Mr. Bean and I love Thanksgiving, this is perfect:

Happy Early Turkey Day!!!

1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I’m dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?

Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?

Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you’ve just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:

Mr. Bean: I’d like some vitamins for my grandson.

Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?

Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn’t know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:

Friend: What are you looking at?

Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.

Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?

Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) MARRIAGE:

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:

Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?

Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it’s a horror film. I didn’t see any picture.

Friend: What tape did you took anyway?

Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:

Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called, Mom’s dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:

Colleague: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: That’s alright, me too…I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) SPELLING LESSON:

Mr. Bean’s Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful… ..is it one c or two c?

Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

If you reside in good ol’ blighty you will now find a channel called Shows located under the search bar on YouTube. What does clicking on it get you? An archive full of programmes, all for free. Too many to mention, but ill give you a few headlines just for tags sake. Peep Show, Nathan Barley, Seth MacFarlane’s Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy, Mr Bean, QI and Derren Brown’s sublime special, The Heist is also worth a shout for those who missed it a few years ago

Naturally, it’s all ad-supported. To those who say pff – I simply pass on the words of Louis.

click here or here but not here.

Dré

I’m trying hard not to be all maudlin and morose in this post, but damn I loved him. Loved him hard. He was my best friend for so long. He was lost and I found him, broken and scared and trembling, and I gave him a home, helped him heal, gave him two whole meals every day (sometimes some of it mine; oh how he loved the KFC chicken pieces), lots of hugs and kisses and unconditional love. I even forgave for that time he chucked up all over my bed. I could never stay mad at him for long.

And now he’s gone. Possibly dead. I don’t know what’s happened to him or where he’s gone but he’s been missing since last Saturday and hasn’t been seen since. He’s never been gone this long before, for he is a homebody and doesn’t like to stray far. He’s nervous by nature — probably due to his car accident — and while he liked going to the beach with me, that was about it. Oh, and maybe next door to piss the neighbours off. He could be so deliciously wicked when he wanted to be.

But no more. I have to admit that it’s unlikely he’s coming home. If he were still alive, he’d be home already. But he’s not, which is why I just know he’s passed away.

After all, cats do go off to die, a primitive instinct to not show vulnerability to prey.

Rest in peace, Mr Bean. Thank you for nearly 13 years of joy, giggles, irritations, cuddles, affection and keeping my toes warm in winter. May Ceiling Cat give you your daily cheese and special cat milk and a couple of Indian mynahs to taunt just like they taunted you here on Earth.

Struggling to stay awake for a photo

Previous Mr Bean posts here and here (that I wrote, not him. I mean, ever heard of a cat typing? What utter ridiculousness!)

From one British comic to another. The man that started Monday’s night of laughs, actually. I was watching a vintage clip of Rowan Atkinson yesterday that he did with John Cleese when I clicked on the Eddie Izzard related video that started me down the path of laughing to the point of almost asthma. The vintage clip was funny, but I like this one better.

Can’t remember when I first saw stand-up acts. It was on TV for sure. Maybe when I was on holiday overseas as a kid. I recall some really funny ones. And some that were more profanity than comedy. (I didn’t mind the profanity; it’s just that at some point it was profane just for the shock value and the jokes weren’t funny at all.)

Anyway, at the time I saw this, I thought it was brilliant. The amazing part, the whole Atkinson special has some hilarious physical comedy skits à la Mr Bean alongside his monologue sets. Amazing. The man wasn’t just scalpel-sharp in his wit, he was versatile as well. And that was even before I started on Blackadder.

But he’s more than just funny. In a BBC interview with Parkinson about the narrow gap between tragedy and comedy, Atkinson said: ”The darker, more serious the backdrop into which you set your comedy, sometimes the brighter your little sparks of comedy sets out in sharp relief against it.” They were talking about the famous and poignant poppy-filled last scene of Blackadder. Good chap.

Change. They say that the only thing constant is change.

This evening, after missing out of one of my old favourites – Mr. Bean biscuits for a few months, I suddenly had this craving for them because of dear lilballerina who has been raving about them to me in her emails. Lol. So Mum and I popped down to Compasspoint to buy some for my nightcap. As lilballerina mentioned, these biscuits are now packaged in plastic with an expiry date on them. Rather environmentally-unfriendly (grr) I must say but more hygienic perhaps. I bought two Salty Bean biscuits for myself since they no longer sell the Green Tea and Sweet Bean flavours. =(

I eagerly ripped open the plastic wrappers come supper time and after the all-important glamour shots of these soy-bean shaped biscuits, I sunk my teeth into one and then kwa kwa kwaaaaaaaa… My heart sank. Totally anti-climatic to be honest. It appears that Mr. Bean has revamped their biscuit recipe and the texture of the biscuit was too soft and too moist for my liking. I preferred it when they were drier and more crumbly. So I put my second piece into the oven for about 5 minutes which turned out slightly better but something about the biscuits just didn’t do it for me. While Mum agreed that the biscuits are more ‘cakey’ in a way, she said that they were still nice and that my tastebuds have probably changed.

Weird – the thought that I may have changed.

Then I pondered about it and realised that change happens every second of every minute of every hour of every… you get the idea. I find it tough accepting change a lot of the time. I tend to think of change as being chaotic, problematic. I don’t know… It’s true though, change is inevitable and as much as I may loathe change, it doesn’t only affect the things around me, it also affects me directly and indirectly. Furthermore, if not for change, life would be stagnant wouldn’t it? I mean, the only way for change not to occur is if we were frozen in time, like totally frozen. Frozen like how Austin Powers was frozen before he got defrosted like, a quarter of a century after. Lol. Oh gawd! Now I have the Austin Powers theme song running through my head and I’m sitting here, typing, and imaging him doing his super sexay 70’s moves, all while having a loopy smile dancing across my face! Groovy baby yeah!

I suppose, if I’m unable to beat change, I might as well embrace it. In a way, if not for change, I wouldn’t have come this far. In fact, change appears in every facet of our lives doesn’t it? Choosing to let go of ED meant having to change my perception of food; to change the way I handle life’s obstacles; to change the way I’d like to live.

Changing topic for a second, or two, to my day’s edible eats:

Breakfast: Salsa with Mozzarella Cheese on Toast. YUM!

Morning Snack: Yoghurt with Mashed Banana and Apricot Jam!

Lunch: Tomato-based 'Pizza' with Roasted Eggplant Rounds, (Overcooked) Chicken Slices and Feta Cheese - Feta Cheese is oddly addictive!

Afternoon Snack: Go Natural Nut Fantastic! Fantastically Nutty!

Dinner: Chasoba in Asari Sauce, with Cauliflower, Carrots and Sliced Sausages

I have no idea what Asari Sauce is but it’s from the Japanese section in the supermarket. It was rather nice I must say although I prefer the Wafu Sauce. Hehe. But if I didn’t try I wouldn’t know right? x)

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world”
-Mahatma Gandhi

Wise words from a wise man.

I constantly lament about the stark inequalities present in our world today. It upsets me that there is more than enough food to feed every single inhabitant on Earth and yet, chronic hunger still exists. It frustrates me to think that the rich are able to see their money multiply like crazy while the poor seem to be getting beyond poor. It pains me that money IS making the world go wrong and it saddens me to think that so many people, in their pursuit for wealth thinking that it equates to happiness, have forgotten the things that are truly important in life -  God. Family. Love. LIFE itself.

There are times where I wish I could have a loud hailer to shout into in order set everything ‘right’ in the world, but I know that nothing can ever be perfect because if perfection were to exist, we wouldn’t appreciate its beauty simply due to the nonexistence of something flawed that we can use as its comparison. On top of that, how can I expect to change the world if I cannot look after the ‘world’- my body,  in which my soul, my spirit dwells?

Am I making any sense here? o.O

Anyway, I’m just going to turn everything I’ve just said back on its head and say this:

I have changed since I began this road to recovery. I have learned more about myself that I thought I knew before and I have become more confident in knowing who I am to a greater extent now. I have become stronger mentally, and not to mention physically. I have become more loving towards myself and in turn, to those around me. I have become more sensitive to those who are suffering. I have become more aware of the prevalence of EDs and I have become more enlightened on the direction I’d like to take in life.

I have always known that I would like to help others. In recent years, I have increasingly harboured this desire to go to an economically less developed country and help its women in particular, to learn new skills in order to support themselves as well as put their children through school. At the same time, I know that a part of me may not be able to give up the world of materialism. I guess God kind of figured that out – that I am too used to the good life =x and so He opened up my eyes to the world of EDs so that perhaps I will be able to help others with my story one day – that other girls and guys will not stumble into ED’s lair and if they do, hopefully I will be able to shine some light where they are that they may be able to find their way back out. That’s definitely another reason for me to want to get healthy for.

I think it’s good to remind ourselves the reasons as to why recovery is important. What will recovery bring? Scratch the negative, fearful thoughts because you know they aren’t yours – they’re ED’s. Think about your hopes and dreams, and think about how being healthy is going to aid you further in achieving them. I know that recovery means to me in accomplishing what I’d like to in future, but what does recovery mean to you? Think about it, and if you’d like to, share it with me. Or you can simply share with me what your dreams are in say, 5 or 10 years time. =)

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
- Harriet Tubman

Good night munchkins!!

xx

Hier habe ich eine weitere, vermutlich die letzte im TV nie ausgestrahlte Folge der Serie Mister Bean gefunden. Is ganz witzig und ziemlich gemein Einfach mal ansehen!

from the maker of YouTubeStreetFighter

IMVBL:

Hola mis queridos amigos…

Les cuento pues que ahora si me toco estudiar, pues terminamos clases dentro de 15 dias y estan poniendo muchos trabajos y ademas tengo un trabajo que integra todas las materias del semestre, el cual me tiene un poco preocupado por todo lo que hay que hacer, pero bueno todo se hará a su debido tiempo…

Hoy fue un día muy agradable, estuve contento y con mucho animo en lo que hacia. Por la mañana tuve clase pero lastimosamente a esa hora era el partido de Colombia contra Argentina en el mundial sub 17…En el salón había un televisor por lo que lo prendimos e improvisamos una antena y lo comenzamos a ver hasta que llego la profesora y no dejo verlo… jajajja… entonces toco recurrir al internet y verlo por pedazos porque estaba muy lenta la conexión.

Esa clase estuvo lo mas de maluco, la profesora copio y copio y copio y nadie entendió.. jajaja, hizo ejercicios y tampoco se entendía… definitivamente esa clase cada vez se dicta en un idioma diferentes, pero bueno, lo único en que estábamos pensando la mayoría era en el partido. la profe nos dejo salir como media hora antes y nos fuimos pa’ la cafetería a verlo. En ese momento estaba perdiendo Colombia 2-1 hasta que hizo los dos goles para ganar y que alboroto en esa cafetería… jajajajajaja, que alegría la que nos dio por haberle ganado a los Argentinos… hay que seguirle haciendo mucha fuerza para ver si por fin quedamos campeones con los pequeños, ya que con los grandes no se pudo.

En la tarde fui a hacer lavar el carro y estuve en la U estudiando pa’ un parcial que tengo mañana, que no esta difícil, pero es de mucho cuidado y los procedimientos que hay que hacer a veces son enredados, entonces me quede un buen rato con tres compañeritas del salón, comparando resultados y riéndonos de todo lo que hablábamos…

Ahora estoy viendo el partido del nacional en la semifinal de la copa Colombia y acabaron de hacer gooooooooolll…… eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhh… jajajajajajaja… y me dispondré a estudiar mucho para ese parcial, para ganarlo y para ir bien preparado.

Este post es cortico pero con mucho sentimiento… jejejejejeje… la frase se las debo o si algo tiene una me lo hace saber o lo pone como comentario…

El video si no puede faltar.. otra vez de mr bean… este man si es muy chistoso…

Nos vemos mañana… cuídense mucho, gocen el día de mañana y sonríanle a la vida… que Dios los Bendiga.