Here’s an oldie but a goodie. A scary, scary goodie. I’ve dug deep in the holiday archives for this one. Say hi to an old friend.

from December 8, 2007

Hi kids! Your drunken pal Mr. Know-It-All here. Somebody told me that Christmas is coming. It was that tattoo guy down on 13^th street, under the train, in the old box next to the dumpster. He does great work, but I can’t remember why I had to take my pants off for an arm tattoo and why do I have these strange tattoos on my cock? They kind of look like teeth marks. Shit that crystal meth fucks you up.

But in the spirit of Christmas, I’ve got some letters to Santa I found in my office last week. Funny, I don’t remember having a big oak desk in my office, and who were all those strange people in the pictures on the wall? I must have also hired a new secretary because this one didn’t recognize me at all. For some reason I also don’t remember my office being all blurry and headachy. Mr. Know-It-All hasn’t gotten a paycheck in a while either.

Anyway, it is my pleasure to answer these questions. I love Christmas. For a long time they called me Mr. Mistletoe Pants. (The trick is to hang it off your belt right above your crotch.)

So here is letter numero uno:

Dear Santa,
This is from Marisa, Victoria and Katie. Please bring us something nice for Christmas. Please bring Mommy and Daddy something nice too!!
Have a safe trip and a Merry Christmas.

We love you,
The Wager’s Girls

Hey girls, no problem. Tell Daddy those divorce papers went through and tell Mommy that her test was positive for Chlamydia. And write back when you grow up to be the Wager’s Women. 36D and above, please.

————————————————————————-

I’ll try to bring more seasonal sunshine to the next poor kid.

Dear Mrs Claus,
Please tell Santa that we would like to ask for a Sony Playstation and the following games – Colin McCrae Rally, and Command and Conquer Retaliation. We have been good boys and have been doing our homework. It would be nice to get a couple of surprises too.

Gareth and Andrew Gone

Who the fuck do you think you are, dickshine? Who the fuck writes to MRS. Claus? That bitch better be in the kitchen making dinner for Santa and practicing her deep knee bends. When Mr. K-I-A was married he had his wife barefoot and pregnant on her wedding day. The only word she said was “more.” Then she bought a gun and the rest you can look up in the New York Times.

Anyway kid, you got a look of friggin’ nerve asking for- Hey? Your name is “Gareth?” “Gareth Gone?” I take it back kid, you better have great big balls the way your family fucked you.

——————————————–

Dear Santa:
Hi. My name is Ryan Smith, I’m 15 months old. I have tried my best to be a good boy. But I have an older sister and we sometimes don’t get along. I don’t like to share. My Mommy is helping me to e-mail you. I would like a Lights and Sounds Ernie and a surprise gift for Christmas. I like suprises. I hope that all is well in the North Pole and I guess you are all really busy getting ready for Christmas Eve. Mommy, my sister and I are going to leave you some cookies and milk. Hope you can find our home in Pugwash, Nova Scotia. Have a jolly trip on Christmas Eve.

Love, Ryan

OK, ok, alright, 15 month old kid. Let me talk to your Mom, the mastermind here.

Listen lady, what the Hell do you think you are doing writing to Santa? The kid can’t read- his mind can’t even process how the poop got in his pants. So what the fuck are you doing writing to Santa? Let me come over to “Pugwash” and give you some “Pudwash” from my “North Pole” and then you’ll give that kid a Christmas memory he’ll never forget. And no cookies and milk. I want booze and blow.

Shit yeah Mr. Know-It-All talks a good game! Too bad I can’t even take a leak without pissing my left leg.

———————————————-

Dear Santa:
I know I might not have been good this year, but could you pleas! I would be so happy! If I could have a Pocket Pickachu so happy I would not need anything else. Have a Happy Yuletide

From, Wolf

Yeah, I got a pocket Pickachu too. You’re growing up right.

———————————————–

Dear Santa:
I liked the things you gave me last year I hope you can make my wishes come true again all I want is some money so I can Buy what I want. I love you Heaps

kellie hogan

Look me up when you turn fifteen kid. Man, will you make some good whore.

I was a fifteen year old whore too. I called myself Monique and, umm, on to the next letter. Fast.

———————————————-

Dear Santa:
I want a New Born Baby. Are the raindeer redy for the trip? Weel Goodbye

REBECCA ASHLEY RUSH

There’s a few easy steps for that.

1-     Tell me where your Mom lives.

2-     When is she alone?

3-     Leave a big bottle of Viagra for me and a bottle of Quaaludes for her.

4-     Wait nine months.

5-     Bail me out of jail for non-payment of child support.

And screw the reindeer.

———————————————–

That’s it. I can’t take these greedy brats any more. Where are the hot MILF’s letters to Santa? I want to write back to them. They have the coolest wishes and the best pills. And desperate MILFs will do anything, even if the board of health has condemned your cock and you have needle marks all over your balls and your apartment is really just a filthy alley behind a pizzeria.

As you can see, Christmas brings out the best in Mr. Know-It-All.

10. I Care - Beyoncé - 4

A standout and sadly NOT a single from “4″, “I Care” just adds to the desperation of “Start Over” but seems to be in more of a rut. It’s a raging ballad that could bring tears to your eyes. It’s a story about doing all you can for someone and getting nothing in return. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? And the bridge is one of the most brilliant vocal riffs Beyoncé has ever produced. She even does it better live. I remember replaying that very part right before to “oohs” so many times. It’s so juicy and emotional. Best part of the song.

9. Till The World Ends - Britney Spears - Femme Fatale

What the fuck kind of drugs did Ke$ha have to take to produce this type of pop brilliance? The ‘Ohs’ in this song sound oddly depressing. The video is underground sex and produced mucho money for the Britney camp. It topped off “Femme Fatale” as a success for Britney and will hopefully give Britney and her team the confidence to take more riskier advances next time around. The trio Fatale Remix of this featuring none other than Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj is slamming. It doesn’t bad mouth the solo version, just adds more star power but it’s still great except for the occasional grating pronunciations from Ke$hit. But thankfully this prompted Britney to add Princess Nicki to her tour, which I gladly got to attend and they both were very entertaining in the 9th row.

8. Start Over - Beyoncé - 4

Bey’s most personal and emotionally inspiring songs on “4″, “Start Over” encapsulates the uncommon sad summer angst and puts it in a song that you put you on first every morning to get the day started, somehow. It questions the state of a relationship with an optimistic message but a desperate expression. My most played Beyoncé song reigns over the whole album in my opinion. It’s the epitome of the surprisingly sad “4″.

7. Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears - Femme Fatale

Godney is back and harder than ever in her musical efforts. This simple electro-pop song deserves more praise than it gets. I believe it’s better than “Till The World Ends” simply because of it’s subversive nature. Now yes, Britney isn’t trying to really say anything with this song but another artist could easily take this song to the next level. It would be perfect for a new gay male pop star who wants to utilize the Madonna-age-pop-music-era to his advantage. Who cares if it has a dubsteppy breakdown? It’s hot nonetheless. The song is epic and will be on Britney’s tour list for years to come.

6. Heavy Metal Lover - Lady GaGa - Born This Way

Erotica 2011 folks. Need I say any more? The lyrics are to die for and the sound entrancing and endlessly catchy, as a GaGa song should be. The auto-tune on her voice is beautifully placed NOT bad considering we know GaGa can sing her ass off.

5. Marry The Night - Lady GaGa - Born This Way

This HUGE and daring mix between electronic music and rock riffs has got to be among the best songs that GaGa has ever made. That ending is beyond epic and takes you on an emotional journey throughout GaGa’s ambition. There may be a bit too much of the pushy “I wear leather boots and fuck in cars so that makes me cool” lines in the song, but that’s Post-The Fame Monster era GaGa so get used it. My favorite part starts at “come on and run, turn the car on and run”. That was my FUCKING SONGGG last summer when I would run. It was such an amazing and chilling experience to push myself to the song. Although I did almost get hit by a car backing out of it’s driveway because of ‘the zone’ I was in, but I’m still alive so whatever. The video’s message is beyond retarded and unnecessary but the cinematography may be her best which is surprising seeing as she was the sole director for the video.

4. Drunk On Love - Rihanna - Talk That Talk

Oh my fucking god is this song emotional or what? And can you even believe that the instrumental is actually an intro to a The xx’s album? As cringeworthy as some people say the chorus is, it’s Rihanna getting closer to her “Te Amo” and “Cold Case Love” days. This song shows off just how depressingly self-aware Rihanna can be. She’s taking the theme from “We Found Love” and making it real and NOT into some club stomper. This song deserves a video that’s sexier than Bey’s “Dance For You” and just as dark as “Te Amo”. We need to see Rihanna crying black makeup tears, writhing around on some expensive couch with a gallon of Jay-Z Vodka. This song reminds me so much of her Rated R days in the way that when you first listen to it, your ears have to adjust after a few listens before you fall in love with it. But to me that’s what makes a great Rihanna song.

3. Only If For A Night - Florence + The Machine - Ceremonials

This song sounds like Florence is in a rainy tower somewhere in England, reminiscing about the past in a beautifully melancholy way. It’s my most played Florence song, simply because it’s so memorable. It’s even Florence’s favorite track. Another little thing I noticed (or thought up in my own mind) is that the chorus that is singing goes perfectly with the album artwork. If she does a video for this she should certainly consider using that look and concept.

2. Where Have You Been - Rihanna - Talk That Talk

The only phrase that seems to truly fit this song is “Personal, Desperate and Speed”. It’s a fast playing dance beat that sounds like Rihanna is somewhere in Downtown New York conquering the subways on a cool Summer night. It’s a stand out track from “Talk That Talk” and is meant to be a single. I feel like it’s Rihanna’s “Marry The Night”. That HUGE record that’s waiting to become a single. Except WHYB is sexier, just as sonically innovative but strikes a different nerve that makes it soar higher than MTN.

1.  No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine - Ceremonials

That was REALLY hard to choose between the Rihanna and Florence tracks, but nothing beats this beam of desperation, nostalgia and complete fierceness. It’s a song that SHOULD be reigning over everything on the radio, but instead it’s just on all our iPods getting scrobbled on Last.fm.

Bonus:

Madonna’s “Give Me All Your Love” and “Masterpiece”.

Anything this old hag does is gold. I don’t care if you think GAYMALE is stupid pop and lacks any significance cause guess what, you’re wrong. When you turn 53 we’ll see if you’ll be able to pull off sounding like a 15 year old and do the inevitable high kick cheerleader moves in the music video. The song is nothing short of catchy and does exactly what Madonna wants it to do. It WILL infest the playlists of college and teen parties, jocks and theatre dorks alike. Some of the criticism the song has endured is about it’s “current” sound and how it’s nothing new. If I can recall, Confessions was, nothing new. So shut up cause you know you were shitting yourself when it came out. And the fact that it has elements that songs on the radio have now is perfect for her artistic intention. In the context of this song those elements are genius and if you can’t see that, you’re just a tad arrogant. And the fact that this is JUST a demo and William Orbit, M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj haven’t even had they’re hands on it makes it even more anticipated for. “Masterpiece” on the other hand is a throwback to the days where Madonna was gunning to be “Evita”. It’s a beautiful ballad that vaguely paints a beautiful image of Madonna in an art gallery, teary-eyed over a work of art. Whether it be her new boy toy’s dick or a Warhol painting, it doesn’t really matter. The song is amazing, although my only critique is that it sounds like an unreleased gem rather than a single or a track off an album. But we’ll see how it all adds up in 2012.

Notable Songs Still Relevant:

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine - Lungs

I’ve recently become a Florence freak and this song is her best, no doubt. As epic as “No Light” and “For A Night” are, this song takes you to a much deeper place. It’s brilliant. I admit, when I first heard this I was watching the video and I cringed at a lot of things she was doing. But I love it all now. I take it all back Florence. You aren’t some annoying weird hipster Zoey Deschanel wannabe. You are Florence Welch and you are a visual and audial Goddess. Keep on making music forevers. My favorite part is “And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat. I tried to find the sound but then it stopped, and I was in the darkness. So darkness I became.” I admit, tears have fallen from that very part in my eyes. This song is just a huge, bare all mix of a loving revenge. I could listen to it forever.

X-Static Process - Madonna - American Life

What can I say? I’m just speechless at how personal and naked this song is. It’s still a Madonna song in theory. The “Jesus Christ, will you look at me?” is nothing short of a “Like A Prayer” flashback mixed with current feelings. The song is most enjoyable in the “I’m Going To Tell You A Secret” film, video here. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1xRSqI5crY) I also covered this song to the best of my ability if you’d like to take a listen. (http://soundcloud.com/mykayspage/x-static-process)

Frozen - Madonna - Ray of Light

I’ve listened to this song about 1,000 times since 2 years ago when I first heard it. And with good reason. If you don’t understand why I’ve listened to it like a crazy lunatic Madonna stan, then you haven’t heard it. It’s M’s most addicting, relatable, imaginative and graceful songs ever. The same goes for the video. Although neither had any real influence on culture, it’s years ahead of itself. It’s a classic pop song in the sense that it’s simply about love and doesn’t have complex meaning, but the music is nothing short brilliant. The Evita vocal training did nothing but help this song and thankfully didn’t trap Madonna into the technically perfect category either. There’s nothing more I can say about this song to convince you of it’s greatness if you haven’t already. If you don’t like it, I deem that you have no heart.

Songs to Cast Off into Oblivion:

Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) - Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

Fuck my life. Why did Katy Perry sell out? Why did she have to tie Michael Jackson with this as a #1 using the rent-a-rapper technique? WHY? We DO NOT need this type of Katy in 2012, so go along Katy and either have a baby with Brand or divorce him and show us who you really are.

Mr. Know It All - Kelly Clarkson - Stronger

I love Kelly to death but her new album is nothing but generic shit on top of generic shit. Nothing interests me and most makes me cringe at it’s dated attitude. I’ll take “All I Ever Wanted” or even “Thankful” over this.

Anything Bruno Mars

He’s the epitome of that guy who always seems to have a guitar and starts singing in the middle of the cafeteria in college JUST to bang a girl and break her heart. That kind of guy is an annoying little cretin anyways so for him to be on the radio is an even worse thought and sad sign of the times. He has no place in pop culture.  Get out.

Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO - Sorry for Party Rocking

If you’ve lasted this long throughout my review of the year, I think you already know why they need to go. They were cute on GaGa’s “LoveGame” remix, but they’re surprisingly old family members who are nothing but a gimmick that DJ’s play way too much on the radio and at clubs. Next.

Overall Yearly Score: 7/10

Article: 1000 No. 1s Watch Kelly Clarkson Chat About Chart Topping The Hot 100

Image via Wikipedia

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Ok so I blurred his face but he knows.  This man was a thorn in my side for the longest. When I wanted him he wanted to play games and lie and now that I am so over it here he goes trying to pop back in life. Again.  Their was a time when I had no sense of when to let go and my love life became a revolving door. I allowed myself to be hurt over and over.

Trust if you let a person continue to walk in and out your life doing the same old mess they will keep coming back. I refuse to be that kind of woman and he claims that he has change and that is great for the next  he decides to be with.  I am grateful that I’m not that woman.

“A big part of letting go is recognizing when it is time to stay in a situation and when it is time to move on “- Darren L. Johnson

Lately, it seems like every TV network has their own award show. Yes, I’ve been trying to watch as many as possible in an attempt to get up to speed on new music.

After sitting through several forgettable Award Show live performances, two artists stood out from the crowd.

Kelly Rowland’s  live performance of her song, ‘Motivation,’ really made me think twice about her as a solo artist! She was awesome! She sang, danced and seemed in total command of the stage – she was a diva!

Well, the other diva was born in the spotlight. She has somehow managed to stay on top of her game since she made her debut on ‘American Idol.’ Okay,  first I must admit I hate the dress but that’s where my hating stops cause Kelly Clarkson’s inspired live performance of ‘Mr. Know It All’ blew me away.  It was a new arrangement with lots of horns – so much fun! Her performance is why I love music.  Can’t wait to see her perform again – maybe it will be at Madison Square Garden in 2011!!

Lately, it seems like every TV network has their own award show. Yes, I’ve been trying to watch as many as possible in an attempt to get up to speed on new music.

After sitting through several forgettable Award Show live musical performances, two artists stand out from the crowd.

Kelly Clarkson’s inspired live performance of ‘Mr. Know It All’ blew me away. It was a new arrangement with lots of horns – so much fun!

And Kelly Rowland’s  live performance of her song, ‘Motivation,’ really made me think twice about her as a solo artist! She was awesome! She sang, danced and seemed in total command of the stage – she was a diva!

After watching Kelly’s blockbuster performance, you might find yourself asking, “Beyonce who?”

See it for yourself!!

Bob

I love Robert, he is always good for a laugh! This was my response:

I should just go ahead and give you guys just two perspectives of the last year of my life. Sorry, couldn’t decide which of my personalities should respond to this email.

Disney Version:
So, Austin is a Senior this year and that makes me cry all the time. He is so precious and wonderful (insert sunshine) and growing up too fast. Wants to be an Ophthalmologist which means Med school, woo hoo. His high school soccer team made conference champions and is currently playing for the state title. WOO HOO GO EAST!!! Ciera is a freshman this year, she is also my best friend, (insert cupcakes) we get along great most days. She is super duper funny and intelligent, she is having a little trouble in Algebra but she is getting tutoring and hopefully will bring up the grade. (AWE unicorns) Logan is the light of my day, (KITTENS) smarter than he should be, smarter than EVERYONE in the house maybe even the world! Also he is a great soccer player, we had a great season this year. Mikey and I live next door to one another, the kids go back and forth and we are friends. People think we are crazy, but it works for us!
 Charlie and I are still together and so so in love, (hearts and clouds) it’s been really great, UPs and DOWNs, you all know what I mean. I do truly love him, which is hard to admit too! Kelly and Katherine are still together and he is doing great! I sent Dad to Florida to live with his brother, it was what was best for everyone. Big load off me!

I’m not wearing panties version:
So Austin is a senior which of course means I”M fuckin OLD!!! Which SUCKS!!! He really is a great kid. Never gets into trouble, hell he never goes anywhere EVER! May have to sell my body to pay for med school. Well…………. wouldn’t be the first time.
I stay horny!
Ciera is an awesome TEENAGE girl, who acts to much like me, she can be a BITCH and lets face it, I am blessed that shes still IN school, who needs Algebra anyway! I do love her sense of humor, don’t love her fashion sense!!! We fight like cats and dogs, but she tells me everything, even stuff I don’t want to know!
Have you seen the chest on my man???
Logan is Baby Mikey, he is the Oracle of all knowledge, he will prolly graduate high school in a year or two! Hopefully he will make lots of money so he can take care of his mother when I lose my mind. Which wont be long now!
My sex drive is INSANE right now, why didn’t this happen sooner????
Mike lives next door, the kids love it. Yay, fuckin great! (insert middle finger) He finally stopped making fuck you faces at Charlie.
FINALLY I got rid of the stoner in the basement! YAY for family!!!! Oh and I still can’t tolerate my Mother, gee who knew???
Kelly is engaged, yay Katherines like turning 14 this year, maybe it’s 15. Awe hell I lost track, they’ve been together soooooo long!!!!

Charlie is awesome, the sex is incredible. Like NO OTHER, came close once many many years ago, but this is Mind altering awesomeness and coincidentally its ALL I can think about most days, I feel like a teenage boy. I will never leave him, I cant go a day without him. It’s great and I do truly deeply love him and his awesome body!!!!

Well it’s time to put my panties back on, oh I mean go back to work!!!

Glad to catch up with all of you,
Love and kisses
Marisa

My Love and I in the mountains

I really love this song……….

That performance was a little better but nothing to scream about. Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez apparently are huge favs of hers and have become besties. The camera kept panning to them rapping and jamming. Ugh. Her performance outfit was ok too. I don’t understand the speakers (I think they are speakers) on the outfit but whatever.

Some awards were presented. Taylor Swift won favorite country female artist. I call B.S on that one. Miranda Lambert has been slaying all flipping year. She should have taken that award. I hate that the AMAs have now become like the VMAs in that they are voted on by 13 year olds.

I can’t stand this girl and I don’t know why. I think it might be just all her cutesy stuff. I just don’t think she’s sincere at all. She had a cute dress. Very typical of the way she dresses but man that hair is awful. You have hair and makeup artists please get them to do something to your hair.

Justin Bieber performed “Mistletoe” from his Christmas album Under the Mistletoe. I took a bathroom break here. I’m not really a fan of Christmas music and I’m not a fan of Bieber because I’m not a 12-year-old girl so I really didn’t watch. What was he wearing though? It looked like a jumpsuit that Will.I.Am has been wearing since “Boom Boom Pow.”

This performance went straight into The Band Perry’s performance of “If I Die Young.” Their album is great but they sounded a little off on that performance.

More awards given. Then 50 Cent comes out and introduces Chris Brown and says that he’s the main event and calls him a legend. Let’s not get ahead ourselves now. He does some nice performances but legend no. First of all, this blond hair has just got to go. He looks absolutely ridiculous. The performance was cool but a little weird. Whoever was doing the directing or camera cuts kept having things out of frame and you couldn’t really see much. It was a glow in the dark performance (not the last of the night). I just didn’t like it really. Everyone else did though. I just need him to get some media training and stop popping off on Twitter. He needs to just let his performances to speak for themselves. Here is his performance of All Back and Say It With Me from his F.A.M.E album.

More awards given. Nicki Minaj won something and almost tripped on her huge Alexander McQueen ball gown dress that she was wearing.

Kelly Clarkson then performed her new single “Mr Know It All” from her Stronger album. It was a big band, slightly countrified version of the song. She looked beautiful. Good hair good makeup, and the dress was pretty she just had a spanx malfunction because you could see where they cut her off and her stomach was out and not very flattering in the dress. She sounded nice but the original version of the song is better than how she performed it.

More awards. Rihanna wins for favorite R&B/Soul album. Does America not know what R&B and Soul is? I love that Loud album. I jammed it for a LONG time. It’s still in rotation on my playlist but that is not an R&B album at all.

Enrique Iglesias performed and Ludacris came out to try to give his performance some kind of life but failed. It was just dead, no energy like he didn’t want to be there.

The AMAs did a divas montage that was awesome and sent me going straight back to my old Celine Dion, Tina Turner and Janet cds. Real voices and performers. Loved it.

Jennifer Lopez performed and say what you want about this woman’s singing but you can’t say she looks bad. She looked flipping hot, well not at the beginning of this performance with that dress. The performance itself left a lot to be desired. It was nothing but a live Fiat commercial and I felt really bad for her when the car wouldn’t open for a little bit lol. She then stripped down to an old catsuit that Britney wore 8 years ago in her 2003 “Toxic” video. She performed “Papi” and my song of the summer “On The Floor” featuring Pitbull. I don’t know what it is about this song but every single time it comes on I get a little crazy lol. Just ridiculous.

The next couple of performances were both AWFUL. One Republic and Marc Anthony performed. One Republic did “Good Life” and Anthony did his song featuring Pitbull “Rain On Me.” “Good Life” is a good song. I like it when I hear it on the radio and I usually like their songs but this is maybe the 3rd time that I have heard them sing live at an award show and sound AWFUL. Clearly they are only made for radio. Marc Anthony just has a horrible song and good thing he had Pitbull there for some of the performance because he really knows how to liven up a performance.

Katy Perry was next with her new single “The One That Got Away.” I’m not a fan of this song but she sounded pretty good. It was simple and her voice sounded pretty good. She on the other hand looked ridiculous.

She was then surprised by presenter Heidi Klum with a special achievement award for being the first female to have 5 number one singles from the same album. She is the 2nd artist to accomplish this behind Michael Jackson. This is a huge feat. She pretty much has slayed all year. Every single she has released has gone to number one. I don’t think this one will give her a 6th one though.

More awards were given. Jennifer Lopez won favorite Latin Music Artist. Shouldn’t you sing latin music to get that award and not just be latin? She wasn’t nominated for latin music. She did look super hot though. Like smoking. Loved the black dress that she was wearing. That woman is beautiful. 41 years old and fabulous. Let me get a lot of money to maintain myself like that.

More awards happened. More performances. Mary J Blige, Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera and Travie McCoy, and Drake performed next. I love Travie McCoy. My friend questioned my judgement on that one but I don’t even know why I love him and Gym Class Heroes I just do.

Will.i.am & Jennifer Lopez – T.H.E (The Hardest Ever) – Live at 2011 American Music Awards from BEPNEWS on Vimeo.

Last award of the night is Artist of The Year. The nominees were Adele, Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Katy Perry, and Taylor Swift. From this list hands down Adele is going to win. That album has been out for 32 weeks and just keeps going. It hasn’t been out of the top 10 since it debuted and it sells at least 100,000 copies every week. Adele has got it. Taylor Swift wins. You kidding me. I definitely call b.s on that one. Even she knew that she shouldn’t have won that award. She went up on stage saying she knew she wouldn’t win. Ughh whatever. I was already ready for the awards to end and they definitely did for me when LMFAO came out to end the night with “Party Rock” and “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” I started watching that performance and I thought if those stupid Kia Soul rats come out I just might lose it. Luckily that didn’t happen but what did happen was LMFAO and everyone on the stage ended up in their underwear.

Well that was the American Music Awards. Nothing spectacular. Until December for Golden Globes, later. Happy Thanksgiving

My favorite moment at this year’s American Music Awards was Kelly Clarkson performing her “Mr. Know It All,” giving the song a “Newsies”-like makover for the live presentation. Kelly Clarkson’s sparkling red  fish tail dress, deft mix of rock and vintage pop gave the song some old-school musical pizazz.

Moments later, Enrique Iglesias showcased his “I Like How It Feels,” a song full of stomping, hand-clapping beats, given an American club gloss courtesy of RedOne. Iglesias would have been better to stick with “I Like How It Feels” rather than switch into “Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You),” which is more anonymous of a club hit, despite the latter getting a boost from Ludacris.

Earlier, Chris Brown once again showcased his impressive, Michael Jackson-inspired dance movies. Less impressive was his ballad crooning in “All Back.” On the award front, Nicki Minaj was named favorite rap/hip-hop artist, and Rihanna’s “Loud” won favorite soul/R&B album.