A behind-the-scenes look at the making of A Rocket To The Moon’s video for ‘Mr. Right.’  

This year, I’m thankful for so many people and I’m afraid I may forget someone.

Anyways, here goes:

• I’m so grateful for my parents, for so many reasons but especially (this year) for being so supportive while I try to make ends meet and raise my son thousands of miles away. And also for showing me what it means to love unconditionally. They are by far the most awesome grandparents to my son whose love for them grows as he does.
• I’m thankful for my sister and her boys for sharing their stories with me and making me realize how lucky I am to have little ones in my life that are not my own. It’s amazing how much love there is to go around.
• I’m grateful to the father of my child. For being a constant in my son’s life and for truly being the best dad a little boy could hope for.
• I am indebted to my son’s teachers, both his current teachers and those who have taught him in the past, for encouraging  him, inspiring him and guiding him. He has learned to read, write and love numbers with as much confidence as a superhero and I am blessed that they are there to teach my son respect by giving it in equal measures.
• I’m thankful for my clients for allowing me to share my experiences and expertise with co-parenting issues and for allowing me into their homes and hearts. They each teach me as much as I teach them.
• I’m so thankful for Mr. Right, my best friend. He’s been there for me over the last fifteen years and I appreciate how supportive, loving and funny he is. He continues to impress me and has me falling in love all over again each time we talk.
• I’m ever so blessed to have met some pretty amazing friends over the last few years that also continue to be a major support system to me. I’ve made some pretty amazing friends through my son’s school who invite us to play dates, carpool (because they too love playing chauffeur) and who love my son as if he was their own. (I love your kids too!)
• I’m thankful for the many friends and contacts I’ve made on-line and through social networking. I’ve learned so much about you and your families that I think of you as a part of mine. Thank you for letting me into your lives and allowing me to be a part of yours.
• I’m ever so grateful for my friends back home and spread around the country who make time to catch up with me when we are in the same state. It’s rare that we get a chance to spend time together, but they always embrace me with open arms and we go right back to where we were ten, or fifteen years ago.

I am grateful to you, for reading and for continuing to support me just by showing up. I hope you are able to spend some quality time this weekend with the ones you love, whether it’s face-to-face, over the phone or in spirit.

Hugs to you and your family and cheers to another wonderful year of minutes and moments to be thankful for.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

So, I just decided that I am going to try to write one blog a day for the rest of the year. I should have probably prefaced that comment by saying that I normally decide that I am going to do things that I never end up doing. However, I am going to do this! So, here goes.

I must confess that I graduated college in May, and the pool of eligible single guys I know has already shrunk dramatically. Many of the guys I know are either in relationships, engaged, or (gasp) married. It is not even JUST that the pool of single guys I know has shrunk. Since I have graduated college, the potential for meeting eligible guys in everyday life has decreased, as well. What is a girl to do these days when she doesn’t find “Mr. Right” in college?

I can’t say that I am overly concerned about this concept right now, but it does cross my mind. Since I graduated in May, I have seen one guy that was attrative, smart, and single. I met him at work, and with two other single, female college graduates in my office; the competition was definately stiff. I am sure single guys are out there somewhere, but where? 

I love to go out to the bars, but I am not overly thrilled with the idea of dating a guy I met at a bar. Sure, it shows that he likes to have a good time, but if I am going to date someone, I need more than just a good time. You can have a good time without unnecessary commitment. Effort and commitment requires something more.

So then, back to the question of where do you find guys that are truly worth your time and effort? I guess if I could answer this question, then I probably would not be single. I say probably, because I am not sure. Would I even recognize a guy worth my time if I met one? When I meet people, I quickly decide my opinion of them. Although I usually feel that I am right about my character judgements (call it intuition), I sometimes wonder if I have unknowingly moved a datable guy into the undatable file. While I do not have any specific examples in mind, I wonder if it is possible to completely misjudge someone and end up re-evaluating him and marrying him in the long run.

Like I said, I am not really worried about getting dating or getting married right now. The idea of marriage kind of scares me, because I feel like I am too young to get married right now. I would not, however, be opposed to dating someone if only I could find someone I wanted to date.

Im pathologically addicted to complete assholes. Mr Right came and i ruined it, so now i’m in a life where every boy just wont be the same.

It’s peculiar really, when I’m out, busy or with other people stupid thoughts like this don’t come into my head; but the second I’m home, alone, they come marching in.

Lucky for me there’s Anya Marina to answer the majority of questions with a reckless riddle. But this satisfies me enough until the next day when I’m sat up here again.

I want things to go back to the way they used to be, when i had someone to look after me and i all i had to think about was the passion of the one thing i loved. Now there’s stress, pressure and exposures that hold me back from every creative impulse my brain sends through my body. What a shame, a dying shame.

I don’ care if i have to die to go back to that special place in my life. Take me, take me there.

What a cruel world. How can i be so weak as to not be able to control my own feelings for someone. We broke up nearly a year ago now, and yet still every film character of that hunky boy, or the spontaneous artist has me hooked on a fantasy of him. Maybe i need a new prince charming, or maybe i just need to keep waiting?

Somebody, please teach me the game. That teasing trauma that everyone plays to get their loved ones attention. If only Mother educated me on this “male species” and their complexities.

I think i’ll write a poem for now.

Watch A Rocket To The Moon’s video for “Mr. Right” after the break.

Just before I finished a phone chat with my friend B earlier, she said ‘Oh oh oh! I’ve been meaning to tell you…’ and then launched into how there’s a guy she works with who is lovely and she thinks I’d really get on well with.

‘Only thing is,’ she said, ‘He might be a little bit short for you.’

At 5′8″, I’m not exactly Amazonian but I do like my height – and I have a penchant for high heels (although look a little Bambi-like in the gorgeous new pair I bought last week in celebration of my five-year milestone). So, I wondered, do I write off a potentially lovely guy just because he’s a little vertically challenged? No. For me that’s not a non-negotiable. OK, I do like my boyfriends to be taller than me, but if height is the only area in which an otherwise wonderful person falls short (ha ha) in, then I can live with it.

It got me thinking about non-negotiables though. Both the (shallow) physical ones and the non-visible character traits. Some of the things I just won’t compromise on are:

• Smoking. Eeeuw.
• Facial hair. I like a bit of end-of-the-day stubble, but more than that and I’m instantly turned off. The good news is that a quick shave is all it takes to turn me on again
• Poor personal hygiene. Whether it’s BO, dirty fingernails, unbrushed hair, smelly breath… Ugh.
• Rudeness. Usually detected by how waiters or other service industry staff are treated. This includes racism.
• Hunting for sport (who kills creatures for fun?). Or any kind of gun ownership. Very scary.
• Miserly. I just can’t cope with someone who isn’t generous. Working out who owes what down to the last cent on our first date will not get a guy a second date with me.

There are lots more but those are the ‘first impression’ dealbreakers (OK maybe you don’t find out about his rifle collections on first meeting).

On the other hand, my non-negotiable, absolute ‘must haves’ are:

• Kindness
• Funny (ideally with clever, quick wit) and quick to smile and laugh
• Intelligent and in touch with what’s happening in the world
• A long list of places he’s travelled to – and an even longer list of places he’d still like to go to (travel stories are great ice-breakers)
• Comfortable in his own skin (implies emotional and mental stability)
• An appreciation of what he has – and the ability to notice and appreciate small, simple things
• A sense of purpose – that he’s driven to pursue something in his life. Not so much ambitious goal-orientation, but a dreamer who works to make his dreams come true.
• If he’s really good at what he does, that is a big turn-on for me.
• Throw in old fashioned manners with a dash of chivalry, and I’m smitten!

I have a much longer list of desirable traits, but those pretty much sum up the non-negotiables. What are yours?

Recently, a female acquaintance of mine asked the above question, and it made me realise that it would help if we males actually had a clue as to what women are looking for in a partner/ boyfriend, because as far as most of us (males) are concerned it’s not very clear;

Maybe a James Bond type figure? No. He has obvious commitment issues.

What about the strong silent type? No. they never want to talk about their feelings.

How about the atypical mobster? Tough, goes to church regularly and loves his mother. Once again probably not the best idea as he’d want you to move in with his mother so he could look after her.

How about someone with a sense of humour. No. They never take anything seriously.

Then what about settling for a fabulously wealthy male? Could be embarrassing when he gets mistaken for your father when you’re out on a date.

OK, what does that leave? I know, how about someone who’s simply caring, sensitive and understanding. Knows how to dress well and behave himself in public. Has a good job, a sense of humour and reasonably intelligent? All in all you just want a man’s man right? Well guess what ladies. The only problem here is that his boyfriend will probably scratch your eyes out.

A Rocket To The Moon’s music for “Mr. Right” debuted today online. The gentlemen are busy promoting their first full-length album, “On Your Side” by touring on the OP Presents Tour. Check Ticketmaster to be updated on city dates for the Fall tour!

Well…..here is an amazing update. I am not sure exactly what went wrong, but I was geeked at the prospect of hanging a pair of men’s slacks on my bedpost and asking our dear Lord to fill them….I had finally decided to become serious in finding a male partner after 13 years.

I knew God would be sitting in His lazy boy….laughing hysterically, well, He did more than that. Last evening I got a call from my girlfriend who loaned me the brand new pair of pants with a 31″ in-seam to tell me, she’s  getting married! WOW!!!!!  She and her intended met at a crowded venue in West Chase the Oak Room at a Plenty of Fish party…..I am the one who talked her into wearing her little black dress. And go figure, she loans ME the pants to attract a suitor and she ends up being the one to “meet Mr. Right”. How uncanny is that folks?

I guess one never knows where  the “love bug” will bite and find you….So for all of you girlfriends out there, help each other out….create a new look to your shabby chic decor and hang a pair of guys pants and marry off all your friends! Life is so rich, such a hoot isn’t it?

Now I wonder what else I might hang to find my special guy….it’s evident that God just thought this wacky brainstorm was way too funny to not respond. And of course He did…..proof that sometimes things aren’t as they seam….hahahahhaa. Enjoy the moment! Maybe I should have some corvette keys made and hang them on the post…..and God could work on a new car instead of the love of my life….interesting concept!

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away……”

And I said, Sister, don’t you understand?
He’s all I ever wanted in a man
I’m tired of sitting round the tv every night
Hoping of finding a Mr. Right
– Margo Timmons, Misguided Angel

There is no Mr. Right
No Ms. Perfect

But someone
Who engages
Our soul

With a whisper
Only we
Can hear

Beyonce made an Anthem  Calling all the Single Ladies in the beginning of her song, bringing them to attention, then telling the men in their lives, “if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it”.   “Whoa uh oh!”  the problem with this advice is,  she is down with test driving the merchandise which cheapens it.   Let me let you in on a little secret… Guys and Gals,  pull up a chair and perk your little ears up.  When you want to get a car you test drive it, because it’s a car, and you use a car.  Notice I said USE,  you USE a car, I know the correct word is drive, and ride,  but I don’t want your minds to fall over in the gutter on me.  So how do you keep your sanity and stay holy in this world of Fornication, Masturbation, Pornography, Bisexuality, Homosexuality, Metrosxuality, Bicuriosity and everything else in between.  Oh I am so glad you asked.  You see The bible says that, “A man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing…”  OK Ladies so what is that telling you?  Number one,  if you are out hunting for Mr. Right then you are Wrong!  It’s Ok to make yourself available,  dress yourself up,  but don’t put yourself in situations that will simply get you in trouble.  As a minister I have heard several  excuses when someone ends up pregnant like….”I don’t know how this happenend”.  When I hear that I don’t know whether to give a short class on human sexuality, or chuckle at the vision in my head of the unlucky couple somehow slipping on a magically appearing patch of ice, and his and her pants simultaneously falling down and their genitals falling into each other as well.  What an amazing set of circumstances.  People ask me all the time,  “do you date?” and I answer,  “No”. But I also give them this explanation… As an unmarried woman,  my father, as long as he is living sits as the priest over my life,  if a man would like to date me,  then he must let his intentions be known to him.  We can talk on the phone but if he wishes to take me somewhere, my father must talk to him first.  Well Not long ago this happened, and after exchanging numbers I talked with this man for about a week on the phone then he asked me out so I gave him my fathers number.  Him being a Christian found that to be acceptable, so my father spoke with him,  and immediately told me to cut off all communications with him.  I asked him why, and my father told me that the man was married, and was going through a difficult divorce.  This information was not known to me,  but my father gave him a man to man talk, and  got that information out of him.  Now have I always submitted to my father this way?  No,  when I was in the military I wasted a lot of time dating knuckle heads who only wanted one thing and thankfully I wasn’t a whore but I still wasted a lot of time with them going to clubs and ruining my reputation drinking, smoking and crazy stuff like that.  So now I wait for the right man to come, and when he does I will once again let my father decide, and then we will court each other by spending very little time alone with each other instead I will bring my sister along as  a Chaperone or have other friends along.  I will invite him to church and we will meet in very public places like parks and restaurants.  This is what my brother and his wife did for about a year.  After that was done they stayed apart for about two weeks and fasted asking God for his guidance concerning marriage,  then they talked to their pastors.  Finally my brother asked her mother, and father for her hand in marriage, which is the proper biblical way to do it.  They have been married many years now and have had very few problems,  they did not practice premarital sex and they and I believe in the vows when it says to the groom “Now you may kiss the bride” .  Their is a reason for that folks.  If you save that special kiss and embrace, and all that goes with it for marriage,  it makes things go so much better.  It is a trick of the enemy to send people down the slippery slope of Pornography, fornication and masturbation before marriage because these three things alone are some of the biggest marriage killers.  They train you before your marriage to be intimate with only yourself,  and total strangers or vile images in your head.  When you are with your spouse,  your brain will not know  how to make love,  it will only know  how to do what is saw in the images that are seen in magazines and movies.  Your spouse can’t turn you on because he or she isn’t an acrobat and can’t stand on their head or have 50 climaxes.  Your spouse can’t compete with the man in the picture because he is not built like a horse.  If you practiced the sin of fornication or premarital sex with your spouse you are then tempted with adultery as fornication with others has created soul ties with other people which according to scripture…. you lay with them, you are one with them, then you are married and tied,  you have to ask God to divorce that person out of your marriage, or a constant comparison will occur in the bedroom. You will have a real tug of war on your hands,  your spouses soul  tie on your heart pulling one way, and the ties made previously to another, or several others pulling in the opposite direction, creating a deadly love triangle.  With the premarital sex,  the honey moon is a joke and a waste of money,  couples end up arguing the whole time due to the  guilt of wasting time, and money,  because they know they are doing nothing,  but what they been doing all along,  who do they think they fooling.  Then there is the abomination of bisexuality,  homosexuality and bicuriosity this is an abomination because the bible said it was.  He destroyed the civilizations of Sodom and Gomorrah because of that sin,  it goes against the very nature that God has set in place.  The bible said in the last days that men would be lovers of their own flesh instead of lovers of God (paraphrased).  God’s revulsion for sexual sin and homosexuality is repeated all throughout the book of Roman’s read it in your free time.  In conclusion,  I just want to say,  to all the singles in the struggle,    from one single to another,  just know that you are complete and whole if you have a personal and real relationship with God.  Having a mate will not complete you only complement you!

~Anointed

The last few days have been pretty emotional for me. On Wednesday, my ex-husband and I met at Family Court for Mediation. Just before we were called in for our appointment, my boyfriend sent me a text from the airport. He should have been boarding a plane to San Diego, but instead, he was in line trying to get on another flight since his had been canceled. I felt helpless in so many ways.

It was a bittersweet experience for me when, less than an hour later, my son’s father and I came to an agreement regarding custody of our nearly 6-year-old son. It was such a relief knowing that our arrangement was something that we could come to a mutual decision on and not something that the judge had to order.

I have had clients in the past and current clients who are dealing with the challenges of co-parenting and maneuvering through the court system. My ex and I do a pretty good job modeling a successful co-parenting relationship, although we’re far from perfect. We have worked very hard to get to where we are now.

Right after leaving court, I had to pick up my son from school and explain the change of plans to him: my boyfriend would now fly in the next day and he wouldn’t see him that night, after all. My son started crying, which I  did not expect, and I tried so hard not to cry as well. We had both been counting down the days until Mr. Right’s arrival and suddenly, I felt as though I had made a  huge mistake. My son was heartbroken and I began to question whether or not it was right to introduce him to my boyfriend so soon. Is there ever a right time?

My son spent the next few days with his dad, but on Halloween, my boyfriend and I drove down to meet them so we could go trick-or-treating together. I was a little unsure about the whole thing, but it turned out to be an amazing night! At one point, my son was holding hands with both his dad and Mr. Right. I walked behind them, admiring them and thinking about how far we’ve come, together.

There are no words to express how my heart felt at that moment. I am so grateful to my ex for being open to us sharing that experience together. And I’m in awe of Mr. Right, stepping in and helping us create the family that every child deserves. My son is one lucky little boy.

Happy Healthy Hip Parenting
Peace Begins in the Home

1. If he cheats, she wants to talk. If she cheats, he wants to walk.
2. A woman’s enduring love builds around her need for a brighter future. A man’s enduring love builds on respect about her virtuous character, her self-respect, and her likeability as a mate.
3. Girls dream of a happy life with Mr. Right, but she learns in marriage that it’s up to her. Men know they are the right man for any woman, and each expects one woman to energize and shower him with wedded bliss.
4. Men focus on the present and plan tactically for the future. Women focus strategically on the future and plan tactically for the present.
5. Women value and focus primarily on who people are. Men value and focus primarily on what people do.
6. Love motivates women. They seek to love something or somebody. Conditions motivate men. They seek to prove their significance at handling challenges.
7. Hard-hearted men are natural. Hard-hearted women don’t like themselves as female; they are ‘standing up inside’.
8. She is the expert on relationships and ultimate authority on yielding sex. He is the expert on copulating and primary authority on leaving or keeping a sex partner.

1. Conquest changes a man. He is no longer ‘in the hunt’ for that woman. Marriage changes a woman. Her husband can be made better, and she’s the one to improve him.
2. Dealing with the opposite sex, a man’s strength lies with directness and a woman’s with indirectness.
3. Men naturally dominate the present in both society and workplace. Women naturally dominate the future in both home and culture. (Male-dominated religions reject these natural imperatives. Our Judeo-Christian culture enables women to exploit these forces of Nature.)
4. Females specialize in loving others, but men specialize at something else.
5. Girls teach boys the requirements and finer details of dealing with females. Or boys learn to be guided by their hurricane of hormonal impulses even into adult life.
6. Girls dream about the right man and building a life together. Boys dream about doing things when they grow up, and a mate sometimes fills the background.
7. Men are impressed by what they see. Women are impressed by what they hear.
8. Women need affection, men don’t, and so men are weak at providing it. Men need respect, women don’t, and so women are weak at providing it.

(Audrey) Weird things can happen in India, which is probably why last Saturday afternoon I found myself at a gay (or queer) film festival. The first film we saw was directed by a friend (hence why I came to the festival at all). It was a documentary on changing views towards gays in India—very well done and informative. It was also pretty short so we decided to stick around for the next film, called Mr. Right. Mr. Right was a 90 minute romantic comedy of sorts that focused on several gay couples in London.

Now we’re at a gay film festival. I assume, then, that the films shown will portray a positive view of the gay lifestyle, perhaps trying to break down certain stereotypes that tend to surround the homosexual community? Not in Mr. Right. This film portrayed a bunch of gay men who were overly dramatic, cheating on each other, laden with issues, surrounded by scented candles, and striving to be actors. The icing on the cake was the ending of the film—throughout there was one straight couple. The girl was into hanging out with the gay men, but her boyfriend grew too accustomed over time and in the closing scene of the movie goes gay himself.

I don’t pretend to be a spokesperson for gays, gay culture, or anything, but did I miss something? I thought that we wanted to fight against the idea that if you taste the forbidden fruit a bit too much, you’ll never go back? Isn’t the notion that being gay is a slippery slope that anyone can be sucked into an idea that homophobics promote and most gays fight against? What happened to the idea of sexual preference being something you’re largely born with and only one part of a person’s identity? The one voice of reason in Mr. Right, so far as I could tell, was the father of one of the gay characters who asks his son at one point, “Why don’t you get a trade in case this acting business doesn’t work out? You can be a gay bus driver or something right?”

Funny thing is, Mr. Right has gotten rave reviews in the press so far as I can tell, e.g. Maybe I’m missing something or maybe critical viewing is out of fashion these days? After seeing this film, I had one of those moments where I wonder—does this seem insane because I’m in India or does everybody else really find this acceptable somehow?

is how i felt today.

inside, that is.

on the outside, i look like something you are itching to kill, because i have what you don’t. you should be thankful, but you don’t know. don’t worry; i must have regret enough for both of us.

i haven’t been as good as i can and should be lately. as good as i promiced myself to be. as good as i dream and desire to be. and if you don’t know what i mean by “dream” then you don’t know me at all. which is just as well. this blog is, afterall, anonymous.

HE has been amazingly patient with me. i have been ungratefully unbearable, blatently intolerable of late. if i had power over me, my fingers would no longer have the ability to swim gracefully over the keyboard right now… a long, long time ago. this quality of HIS is what leaves me speechless whenever i think about HIM. speechless here is a figure of speech (mind the pun); really, my eyes speak in tongues my heart plays to and my mind has long harboured.

I LOVE THEE… I COULD NEVER COUNT THE WAYS.

——————————————————————————————————————-

dear shallow world,

here’s my definition of physical beauty. something which, hour by every hour, gives new hope to an old expression and enlightens you with not only sensual pangs, but whims of stolen intelligent, meaningful moments.

yes, to me, even physical beauty must hum to its own poetic lullaby. otherwise, what i see is just a body. just a body, is all i see.

oh, and btw, i use the term beautiful here for men and women alike.

my list of “beautiful” men:

Russel Crowe

Heath Ledger

Zinidine Zidane

Mel Gibson

Eric Mabius

Dr. Greggory House (Hugh Laurie)

Jeremy Irons

Mr. Rochester (Toby Stephens, BBC Jane Eyre)

Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy (Matthew MacFadyen)

Hugh Jackman

Mr. Blonde (resevoir dogs)

John Cusack

Kevin Spacey

and others which i can’t think of right now. (NB: some of these guys i am not actually attracted to, i am attracted to someone they acted, e.g. mr. rochester, NOT toby stephens himself, and dr.house, NOT hugh laurie himself)

there is a clear pattern in guys i am attracted to; they must look as suavely immaculate in a 3 piece saville-row cut suit and they look carelessly comfortable stacking hay in a farm. they also have complicated personalities, with many a streak of primal, intense behaviour. they are usually someone misunderstood; you fall for the image they painstakingly cultivate so that no one can see through their defensive forts, into their inner soul and who they really are.

[note: i just realised i am talking about the personality of who i usually like, not the pesonality of these hollywood actors - i don't know theirs!]

deep brooding looks, chiseled faces (but more importantly bodies), an active enquiring mind – seen and experienced a thousands things and still doesn’t tirefrom learning the pathetic nature of humans – a face of countless expressions, lines and marks all around the body (and mind, and soul) that i could easily get lost in… ahhh!

i am well aware that the majority of these men are easily older than my father. i am also painfully aware that they are happily taken.

oh and btw, i realised that they are all white, and a high number of them are of british/australian/european descent. few americans. i guess i couldn’t find a famous somali i am attracted to that fits that bill! and i am not attracted to other afro-caribbeans. a few arabs  gain my infatuations, but are not worthy of mention since you ca’t relate. in fact, i find it hard at all that anyone can grasp the above physical qualities.

just so you know, that doesn’t mean i don’t go whoring my eyes out on other attractive men. but i see them as a purely temporary sexual satisfaction (i’ll be honest!). the last of these to have any such mpact was mario cimarro )again, older than my father):

Mario Cimarro (pasion de gavinales)

of course there are more detailed and intricate pictures (should you choose to be of that nature!) but i won’t add to my sins by forcing you into becoming addicted to him. (no i am not jealous! what a rediculous thought!)

that means i don’t find brad pitt pretty. at all. nada, niet, NO. george clooney… bah! he’s every woman’s standard gentleman hottie; he’s ok, but i need more than charm.

and may be next time, if i am bored enough, i might discuss the girls!

From Q Cinema’s film description: “Louise, friend to a gaggle of gay men, just wants to make sure that her current beau, Paul , is actually straight. She has a history of dating gay men, so she brings him to a dinner party with her buddies.”

Continue Reading Q Cinema Presents Mr. Right

I attack the principle of full disclosure but not the details or propriety of disclosing one’s thoughts and feelings to another.

DEFINITION: Full disclosure means baring one’s heart, body, and soul to another under the misapprehension that listener/viewer will value the discloser more highly. It bodes ill for females that do it.

·        Women believe that full disclosure helps seal a deal with a man. Probably because they bare their heart and soul to close female friends, some women think men value and process such information the same way. Wrong!

·        In fact, females disclose their inner thoughts among female friends. This ability adds to their mystery, because men don’t. But, full disclosure with a man weakens a woman’s mysterious attractiveness. In effect, full disclosure in principle kills her mystery in fact.

·        Mystery helps attract a man. If full disclosure short circuits her attractiveness, he loses interest.  

·        Generally, whether dating, courting, or marrying, the more he discovers and evaluates her worthiness for him, the better for her. Furthermore, a man’s own conclusions are far more convincing than what females tell about themselves. (He doesn’t value words as she does.)  

·        Much of what women disclose to each other, men don’t even want to hear. Men are judgmental and use details to judge. When he judges her outside his interest in her, she comes up short.

·        What she considers valuable to him for dating and in courtship can be quite different from what he values in a prospective wife.

·        If she discloses fully to prove that he’s Mr. Right, he’ll lose some interest in pleasing her, much like after his conquest. (Why play harder in a game that you’ve already won?)

·        To call him Mr. Right makes him wary. But she shows a darker side; her conviction promotes an attitude that her hunt is over, and she likely shifts into clinging vine mode.

·        Reversing her decision sequence, if she expects him to rise to meet her expectations, he’s only Mr. Good Enough until proven otherwise. This makes her more cautious and wary of full disclosure.

More shows up tomorrow in the Second Rut.

Someone once was asked me why it took me so long to find a husband. I wasn’t quite sure whether to take that as a compliment or an insult, but I guess people assume that if you have a pretty face you should be married early on, that being single past the age of twenty five is unacceptable and they start to think you’re a lesbian. Well let me tell you something. I happened to be one of those people who were in no rush to be married. I enjoyed being single. I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I was free and I wasn’t quite sure if my freedom was something I was ready to give up. It’s not like I didn’t have an opportunity if I wanted to. Before I met my husband I was proposed to five times, thank you very much. Of course I only accepted one, but you can clearly see how that turned out. For me, finding a husband was the easy part. It was finding the “right” husband that was a bit of a challenge. I can probably write a book about my search for Prince Charming and all the frogs I had to kiss in between, but for now, consider this a teaser. So let me reminisce for a bit, starting at the age of 18 just to make things legal. I was with a guy that convinced me to follow him three thousand miles away because he just couldn’t live without me. I find out shortly after moving that he had a one night stand with someone while trying to convince me. I don’t care if we were broken up and you got drunk over it. I felt tricked so I had to cut him loose. After mister trickster, I decided to date someone ten years older hoping he was more mature and distinguished. I was right. He was so romantic, always saying and doing the right things. I even remember him going to a phone booth in the middle of a hurricane just to make sure I was okay. And when his car broke down, he rode his bicycle thirty miles to see me. Of course when I found out that he couldn’t get a car loan because of his bad credit and asked if I can co-sign for him, it was time for me to bail. And then there was the guy I thought was the one. He was perfect except for one flaw; his mother. Good thing I didn’t marry him because let’s face it, three’s a crowd. There was a self made millionaire from NY. I had to break up with him because I couldn’t stand his accent. I remember meeting a fireman who wanted to shuck my corn, and I mean literally. His problem was that I was only able to get a hold of him when he was at work. When I confronted him of my concern and accused him of having a wife, he acted stupid. I hung up on him and never spoke to him again, all the while hoping my house doesn’t catch fire. I finally gave a guy a chance after courting me for six months just to find him bumpin’ and grindin’ at a club with someone else. Hello? Can you be a bit more discreet if you’re gonna try to be a player? But that’s not why I ended it. I felt insulted because she looked like she fell from the ugly tree and got run over by a truck. If you’re gonna date someone else while you’re dating me, try to find someone similar, if not better than me. I dated a personal trainer that took his training a little too personal, if you know what I mean. A doctor that I shared many interests with, including men. Another fireman who slept with a grandmother. I don’t care if she was only in her forties. A grandma is a grandma. Period. There was an Air Force captain that was hung like a horse. I had to kick him out of my house because I was sure I would die if anything progressed between us. All I can see was my obituary saying “Cate. Loving daughter. Wonderful friend. Decent human being. Died of over stimulation.” I was fascinated by an eloquent engineer. He certainly knew how to work and run an engine. So much that one night, he and his friend decided to hit the town and picked up some random chic to bring home to his house and ran a train on her. He tried to blame it on me for making him wait too long for sex. And according to him, it wasn’t a threesome. Whatever. It was certainly disgusting. Oh, did I mention he was still hung up on his stripper ex girlfriend? Ha! How about a baller who took me on a very expensive romantic weekend getaway just to ask me later why I didn’t wanna have sex with him after spending so much on me. Um that’s because I’m not a whore, stupid! I hung out with a chiropractor by day, gigolo by night. A Navy SEAL that was way too cocky for my taste. A business owner from Hicksville. A bible thumper. A closet married man. A psycho and a stalker. A professional dater who was an habitual liar. A dead beat dad who gave up his paternal rights. A nymph who will have sex with anything that moves, and he did. There’s just way too many men and too many stories to list here guys. Perhaps a book is not such a bad idea huh? Now I don’t want everyone thinking that I dated nothing but losers because there were also plenty of men that I felt were absolutely perfect, just not perfect for me. The fact that I dated a lot of men helped me figure out what my likes and dislikes were. So when my husband came into the picture, I was well aware of what kind of man I was willing to share my life with. And let me conclude by saying that waiting for Mister Right was definitely worth it, because in the end, I ended up with the best.

It is love that makes the impossible possible. – Indian Proverb

Hello…to anyone reading. This is alee from iBigBang since that’s my fansite blog I don’t really talk about myself and I feel like a blog for myself is a good way to get out things that I won’t say to the people that surround me.

My day went very smoothly today, I was very happy and excited throughout the day. Most times when a girl is happy and excited, there is one reason……of course, a guy. “Mr. right” haha. Short story: I am now a Junior in High School, and during my freshman and sophmore year, there was a guy that really attracted me. I would see him often in the hallways, but his face was always serious, with no feeling, to a point where it felt like he was cocky and conceited. He wouldn’t even bother to look at you for 2 seconds and just walked around.

Well…it turns out this year I have him in THREE of my classes! (out of 7 classes) Is this fate or what? Haha, well he is really cute and the TOTAL OPPOSITE of what I thought of him at first, he is playful, goofy, mature but with a good sense of humor, has a great smile, and did I mention cute? This proved to me you can’t judge someone by what they look like, because he really is the total opposite.

So back to my day, the reason I was so happy is because we actually talk now, we laugh and have a lot of fun together; to be honest I don’t expect that we’ll be anything more than friends, but I still have those butterflies inside that I stutter and look like an idiot everytime I talk to him. I guess school is not that bad when you have your eyes set on someone.

song of the day: Remember – Gavy NJ
Really sentimental and sweet song, I love this group and this song really touched me today.

Can’t you tell that I’m training for the Honolulu Marathon?

Which I think that I’ve forgotten about lately. I’ve been so wrapped up in how the heck am I going to raise almost 2000 dollars in two months for Team in Training that I forgot that I am going to run 26.2 miles in two months. I am definitely capable (cue fierce warrior cry) but this is my first marathon. I need to concentrate on my training. I love the idea of Team in Training and definitely want to run a marathon with them one day. But I have little time as it is, and I need to focus on running properly. I think I got a little carried away. Let’s call it the Super Woman complex. As in, yes! I can run a marathon AND raise money for cancer in 1/3 of the time most people spend! Most of the Team in Training members have been fund raising since June. I didn’t enter this game until late September.

I’m young, so as long as I take care of myself and stay strong, I see many marathons in my future. I would love to do a destination marathon with Team in Training (allowing myself plenty of time to fund raise) and run the San Francisco or Disney marathons. When I finish this Honolulu Marathon, I’ll still be pretty frickin’ proud of myself.

I recently received my new best friend in the mail. Would you like to meet him?

His name is Sirus. Sirus Garmin. Say hi Sirus!

I didn’t think a Garmin was worth all the fuss for a long time. Boy, was I wrong. I hate treadmills. I used to just deal and run on them anyway, as running outside scared me. But now treadmills feel like a death trap. However. I like stats. I’m not necessarily talking about calories burned, although once upon a time that would have been a concern of mine, but I do care about my pace and total mileage. This is particularly important in marathon training, as I need to be aware of my logged miles. A Garmin brings the beauty of having the treadmill stats but with the glory of running outside. I cannot gush enough. Thanks Tio German for sending Sirus to me!

I’ve also received a few packages as of late…

I’m pretty stoked about trying stevia, as I’ve heard so much about it, as well as the PB&J Larabar. I also received a ton of Pop Chips, which one of the girls I nanny for is excited about sampling with me.

But I’m really excited about the Clif package I received.

I liked the Google images better than my own. Don’t hate me.

I’m not a sports drinks fan, but as I’m increasing my mileage, I need nourishment for my long runs. Thanks Clif for sending me these products! I have a long run planned on Sunday with the Kailua Running Company, and I will definitely be trying a Quench and shot blok.

Today I tried oats in a Naturally More jar!

There wasn’t much peanut butter left on the bottom, but it was lovely.

I added melted banana, chia seeds, honey roasted cashews, and chocolate chips.

There’s the good stuff.

In other, completely unrelated to the above, news, there’s been a lot of talk going around blog world about relationships and where we are in our lives at the moment. I’m a little young to worry about much of this yet, I’m still 19 and kickin’, but I haven’t gone to college yet. I will (WILL WILL WILL) be in school this fall, come hell or high water, because I miss academia and crave it. I’m happy with where I am right now, Belgium and Hawaii are amazing experiences and I’ve accomplished some of my life dreams. But thinking about school next year does stress me out, especially as I’m currently playing the college application game for the second time. But all I can do is fill out the applications the best I can and cross my fingers for December to find out if I’ve been accepted. Also, I’ve never had a boyfriend. I used to think this means something is wrong with me. I met someone recently who I thought could lead somewhere, but no dice. You know what, though? I ain’t settling. Sometimes you have to boast. And I know that I’m a catch. And I’ll wait until the proper guy throws out a line. The grandmother of the family that I nanny for is currently visiting. Her first husband died when she was still fairly young with three children. She met a man shortly after her husband’s death, and there was no way she was ready for another relationship so soon. This guy completely understood and called her every. single. day. for six months, just to talk. They didn’t go on dates, they didn’t see each other period. Her children pushed her to finally go out with the guy who was so sweet, kind, and invested in her family. They are now married and he’s become a father for the children. There are wonderful guys out there, who are patient and understanding. And I’ll wait for mine to turn up.

How do you feel about where your life is going right now? Anyone special involved?

You know what I love more then when guys ask me if my tits are real…

When girls ask me if my tits are real..

Why yes, they are

And my eyes and my nose and my lips and my braids

I guess everyone is on the same boat as I am….trying to find the one.   Sometimes we can feel jealous, hate and even depressed when someone else has better luck then we do.  As you see them walking down the street hugging and showing affection to each other.  What’s our reaction?  We do what everyone else would do in our shoes…start scheming for them to break up!  By now you might be asking “what brought this up”?  Well just like everyone else I opened my yahoo account today and the first thing that caught my eye was the following: “Dating Tips: 9 Signs a Guy Is a Keeper.” ~ Or so they think….ha!

Our helpless fight to finding Mr. Right....

Their list was cute I have to admit.  The time they must of put into their list, but honestly this is the 21st century.  An age where men worry about if the butts are to big in their jeans  and women are watching sports on ESPN.  Have the roles changed? SO to all of you who get hope out of similar articles and decide to give it another shot….keep reading.   I’ll go down the list and enlighten you with the truth of My Pointless Thoughts….

#1. Keeper clue: He has his act together.

#8. Keeper clue: He’s happy when you’re happy.

#9. Keeper clue: He makes you the best you can be.

So my rambling could be of a bad past experience, but most of you have to be honest.  Im right on most of them.   If ya love My Pointless Thoughts then let me know.   And to all of you haters out there like Bryan Boi siad “I love you all”.

I know. This one is off to a good start. I thought so too.

Thursday. Dinner. Good looking. And I mean reeeeeeally good looking. A chiseled face of the Daniel Craig variety. A sculpted body Michelangelo would have itched to replicate in marble. The cheekiest smile I have ever seen. 6ftphwoooar. I literally could not believe my luck. Mr. Muscles in all his glorious good-looking-ness. There’s got to be a catch.

He’s an idiot? Oh no he’s not… he’s telling me he has just finished reading ‘Shantaram’ and put forward a very valid argument for re-reading ‘In Search of Schrödinger’s Cat’ that has just eliminated stupidity from my list of ‘he must be’s’. Damn. Maybe he’s a lorry driver. Oh no, he is in the army. And not just an officer, but he heads up the team of men who train our lads. Yes, that’s right. He devises their fitness programs. Could he be any sexier? He’s got guns, and he knows how to fire guns. Woof.

He’s not going to want to date me. Surely. He is going to realise I’m the kind of person who can sometimes eat an entire jar of whole-grain mustard with a teaspoon whilst watching Grey’s Anatomy and he is never going to call me again. His glorious arms will never be happy to wrap themselves around my ‘far less than 200 sit-ups a day’ waist. He keeps talking. He also loves his mum. He believes that children are growing up too fast. He misses the art of conversation. He likes red wine, dark chocolate and beach holidays.

This is the one. I swear to God, I have found him. He prefers dogs to cats. He is, well, pretty damn perfect. He pays for dinner – which in this day and age really is a rarity. He walks me to my car and tells me he thought I was the kind of girl who drove a Beetle and is pleasantly delighted to see that I am, and I do. He wishes me a very good evening and thanks me for my company. I melt into my car with a peck on the cheek. I can’t wait to see him again.

Friday. Two hour phone call. 7 texts. Have put world to right, laughed, smiled, giggled, guffawed unattractively (and quickly turned it into a sneeze), shared a few anecdotes from my day as an executive women of the naught-ies. He asks questions. And I love that. Am smitten.

Sunday. A walk with the dog and an organic picnic. I spend about 3 hours trying on outfits that make me look both feminine, and like I’m a fairly seriously active type. Have settled on an outfit, barely there make-up and a fresh summer perfume. He tells me he loves perfume. He helps me up the side of a bank of mud as if I weigh nothing. He points out some things about nature. I pretend to love the smell of horseshit. I could learn to love it for this guy. We talk as if we have known each other forever. I’m picking out stationery for wedding invites and cooking our first Christmas dinner together already in my head.

4 similar dates later. He now knows more about me than any other man I have ever dated. He has complimented me over and over again. We are up to about 5 texts per day. Banter light. Joviality high. But he doesn’t seem to want anything more. I’ve invested about £500 in new outfits, dinners, kissable lip-glosses and sumptuous cocktails and after work drinks with him. But we still haven’t kissed. We haven’t even hugged! Or touched! Other than the hello/ goodbye peck on the cheek… my investments have not been fruitful. Bad times, I tell myself. This is a lovenomic downturn, honey. My love life is in a recession.

Turns out, after 2 more dates, he confesses that he likes me. Great! But he wants to take things slow and he wants to get to know me a little better. WHAT? I’ve told him things my own mother doesn’t know about me! How can he possibly need to know more about me, before deciding whether I am suitable or not? Seriously? Seriously. I am stumped. He’s in the army! Aren’t they supposed to be all ‘it could be my last night on earth’ and whatnot? Clearly, he is an officer, and too much of a gentleman. Or maybe it has been so long since I was faced with it, that I have forgotten what romance is?

How sad. Am I really going to end things with Mr. Muscles because of his politeness and his want to go slow? Yup, seems so. My new saying is ‘8 dates is too late’. And I horrify myself with the speed, gusto and professionalism of my last phone call breaking it off with him. ‘I’m sorry Mr Muscles. You’re fabulous. You’re a great guy. You really are. I’ve loved spending time with you. You’re intelligent, gorgeous, witty, polite, you’ve got it all. But I want more. Basically.’ Wow. Impressive. Cold. And maybe a little greedy? Muscles, looks, manners, intellegence… AND I want passion? Greedy, perhaps, or I’m simply choosing not to settle for the one before the one.

Either way, there is much to be said for passion and urgency. In the battle of love, feint heart never won fair lady. Nor did feint heart get any nooky. I’m sure the saying goes something like that anyways.

Great. Now that’s done, I’m one more date closer to the one. Supposedly.