Ripe And Juicy Kiwis

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Cherelle May Dudfield: Drive By Truckers – Dead Drunk and Naked

[Press 'Play' for some Southern Rock Comfort]

The dregs at the bottom of the barrel and here on tap this week include a drunk and flashing 18-year-old New Zealander, a hot $3,500 dollar bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, Santa on the wagon, sex for beer, hot drunk ambulance DUI thief, an arrest for beer assault, the only $72 Christmas taco that isn’t a euphemism and a high school field trip to Hooters. How’s that for ruckin’ the muck…

Dec 2: Dead Man Walker

‘High’ crime in Broward, Florida concerning returns and deposits.

On November 6, Charles Lennon, Richard Goldstein and a probable female accomplice shoplifted a bottle of 200th Anniversary Johnnie Walker Blue Label scotch, valued at $3,500. First, the thief went into a liquor store and shoplifted a $70 bottle of Grey Goose vodka by sticking it in his pants. He left the store, deposited the bottle in his car and returned to the store to stick a bottle of Pinot Noir in his pants. He left the store with it and deposited that bottle in his car. Then he returned to the store and while the babe distracted the cashier, he undid the back of the display case enough to reach in and snag the bottle. Which he then put in his pants and walked out of the store with.

On Dec 2, the two men deposited themselves at the police station (no mention is made of the chick). You ask me, the ’store employee’ shoulda had to pay for being so thick as to let the guy shoplift 3 freakin’ times. The Robin the hoods should get of scotch free.

The Holy Grail

Charles Lennon Mug Shot

Dec 12: Sober Santa

Tell you what, those Canadians are some mean somes-a-britches. Not content to deny being the 51st state, now they’re after Santa Claus. They stuck up these signs all over the place in their token city, Toronto, telling kids to leave a NEAR BEER out for Santa! Depriving the hardest working man in the North Pole of some Christmas cheer on his busiest day of the year is some sick schlitz.

Dec 10: Butt Ugly Dude Wants Beer For Sex

This kid is lonely and sober. Chandler Eakes stood outside a BI-LO grocery store in lonely Hartsville, South Carolina with a sign that read: Will Trade Sex For Beer. Hell, i like that kind of ambition. If i’d have been there, i mighta rewarded him with 40 ounces of my own, personal brand of stick-to-it-iveness. And then some beer. Anyway, the only takers he got that night were cops, who got him take-away.

Dec 17: Woman Named Melva Arrested For Alcohol Abuse

So this guy tells his girlfriend he’s moving to Ohio. Later on, she goes out and gets her drink on and comes back a little pissed off and decides that the best way to wake him up is to pour beer on his head. The boyfriend does what we’d all do, calls the cops. Melva Wixon (49) is arrested for abuse with alcohol, AKA domestic battery. Babe shouldn’t be going around wasting beer’s all.

Dec 14: BAC-ing Out

Mindy Jones (28 and cute in a mousy way) got busted in for DUI in Shawnee, Oklahoma after clipping another car and driving off. She was taken to the hospital for a BAC test. She faked passing out so the cop left her alone to ‘take care of some business’ which is cop-talk for “find a donut and flirt with the night nurse”. Mindy bolted and drove off in a get-away ambulance. Apparently, she was headed for an ex-boyfriend’s (and i’m starting to see why they broke up) but only got 50 miles out before she gave up and parked in someone’s front yard. i kinda like her. She told the news cameras (the video can be found at the link i sent you to): I had the ambulance and I had a pretty good time driving it.

Dec 17: Field Trip To Hooters

Mary Segall has a lot to teach us. The ‘High’ School Choir Director took her group to Phoenix for a concert and then to Hooters for lunch. She ’says’ it was because it was the only restaurant in the area that could accept a group of her size. Yeah, right, and i tell people i only go there for the wings. Here’s what i’m talking about:

A Nice Pair---Of Wings

Coming Next: Hooters Day Care

For Your Next School Trip To Japan

What does this article have to do with alcohol? Glad you asked...

Dec 18: i ‘Get’ The $72 Taco

Some guy in his 20s was drunk because there’s nothing else to do in Ohio (any state with a name that sounds like a yawn is gonna be boring as hell). He went into a Taco Bell because that’s the best place in the world for a drunk guy. He bought a taco because that’s you do in a Taco Bell. Then he gave the cashier $72, told him to keep the change and wished everyone a Merry Christmas, because drunks are just like that.

The manager called the cops, because managers can’t manage. The cops took the money for safekeeping, because they’re cops, but promised to give it back to the manager, because they’re honest, if no one comes to claim the change. But no one will, because drunks forget what they do, are too ashamed to face their antics and, hell, that’s just the way we are.

Dec 16: News ‘Flash’

The best for last. This 18-year-old New Zealand girl, Cherelle May Dudfield (and no, i can’t find her on Facebook), got drunk and, parked in the middle of a traffic island, passed flashing motorists. One guy—who wasn’t me, i swear, i wasn’t even in New Zealand that day—was so impressed that he lost control of his vehicle and crashed into hers. Thankfully, she only got a few cuts and bruises and a fine, which means she can start flashing again in no time.

i could find no pictures of Cherelle, but i did find some pictures of other Kiwis, if you’re interested.

First some girls flashing:

Kiwi Girls At The Bar None

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Yeah, that’s right, babes. Check out the date of this post: Dec 17, 2009. Miss Demeanor and i saw this last night in 3-D here in Yemen; a full two days before the US release.

Ramblings: A Brave New World

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how sometimes you drink with popular people? They’re really cool and you want to hate them just because everyone else loves them and says such nice things about them and you wanna be different from the rest of the pack, right? Only problem is, when you hang out with them you occasionally find yourself having a genuinely good time. They’re not so bad and they like you and care about what you think and do their best to make you happy. Sure, they’re not super intellectual and they end up saying the same boring things all the other popular kids say but at least it’s not too irritating and after one more drink you don’t have the energy to fight the distaste anymore, so you give up making yourself hate them and let yourself have a good time. That’s what it’s like with Avatar.

Visually, Avatar is magnificent (and if you have the chance to see it in 3-D, don’t pass it up). James Cameron has done a hell of a job creating an entire world down to its minutest detail. The images are stunning, gorgeous, breathtaking and i’m not just talking about one or two scenes. Cameron is able to keep it up for the entire 2 hours and 41 minutes, which is bordering on tantric cinema. You will be blown away.

The actors do their job well enough, especially Zoe Saldana (Uhura in J J Abram’s Star Trek) as Neytiri, a native of the planet Pandora that i can’t stop talking about how superbly James Cameron created, like God.

Awesome cinematography, solid acting…so why don’t i give the film more shots? The script and the story. There are no surprises, just the standard storyline and the required speeches. We even get a hint of conservationism, but thankfully not too much. Just because i like wood, doesn’t make me a tree hugger.

All in all, Avatar is a groundbreaking movie. It’s nearly 3 hours long and you don’t notice the time passing. Avatar is fast paced and highly entertaining, even if you do have to fall victim to the requisite trappings of sci-fi/action.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots

If you’ve never sat for three hours trying to get a glimpse of a blue native’s nip slip, then you gotta see Avatar. Kind of like some African tribes, the women go topless except for these annoying feather necklaces that stick to their boobs no matter what. Swear to god, the babes could be flying on these pterodactyl type dragons, they could be fighting all kind of crazy robots, they could be hanging upside down from a freakin’ tree and still those feathers are clamped on like crabs in a hurricane.

Plus, these natives all have nice tails—no, real tails—that have these sea anemone like tendrils when you pull back the foreskin (tailskin?). But we don’t get to see them do any cool stuff with it, just connect it to strange animals to control them. There’s an implied sex scene but we don’t get to actually see Jake Scully (Sam Worthington) get some Na’vi tail.

Zoe Saldana plays the lead Na’vi chick.

The other hottie in the movie was Michelle Rodriguez. i like Michelle Rodriguez. Her acting range is fairly limited to the tough girl roles, but she has cool hair, a pretty-if-masculine face and small boobs. Most importantly, though, is that the girl knows how to party. i wanna get drunk with Michelle Rodriguez. i wanna get drunk with her, do some crazy things in public, get punched out by her and then get arrested with her. That would be a cool weekend.

Here’s what i’m talking about. i have a series of shots taken of her in The Bar None.

She Arrives

She Starts Getting Her Drink On

She's Buzzing Hard

She Loses Her Car

It’s a good thing she loses her car, too, because she’s been busted twice for DUI. i can’t be bothered to give you the details because this is an Avatar post but i can still show you the mug shots.

Enough bar shots, let’s move on to the sexy shots:

You know how i love Miss Demeanor? Well, she said if i don’t put up any Sam Worthington photos (the guy who plays Jake Sully) then the only tail i’m gonna get tonight will have a sea anemone in it.

Drink: 0 Shots

At the beginning of the movie, Jake Sully compares waking up from cryo sleep (or whatever sci-fi geeks are calling it nowadays) to a fifth of tequila and an ass kicking.

Then Dr Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver’s character) takes a shot of something that must be futuristic Pernod, judging from the bottle. When the going gets tough, the tough get drinking.

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Here’s the theme song from the movie. Is it just me, or does it sound like Celine Dion singing a song from The Lion King?

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: James Cameron

Directed by: James Cameron

Starring

Zoe Saldana – Neytiri

Michelle Rodriguez – Trudy Chacon

Sam Worthington – Jake Sully

Sigourney Weaver – Dr Grace Augustine

Bottom Line

See it. Especially in 3-D.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A MILEY CYRUS FAN PAGE.

THIS IS A BLOG ABOUT DRUNKS, DRINKING, AND ALCOHOL.

WHILE THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AGE INAPPROPRIATE REGARDING 17-YEAR-OLD CYRUS,

THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED FOR YOUNG READERS.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

IF YOU CLICK ‘Read the rest of this entry>>’ IT IS NOT MY FAULT.

(IT’S YOUR PARENTS’ FOR HOW THEY RAISED YOU.)

Find out why Miley Cyrus is kicking and screaming below…

Hear her “Kicking & Screaming” right here in the juiced-box:

[Press 'Play' and cover your ears...]

But before we go there, do you remember where we left off in yesterday’s dregs? Yep, Sapporo Outer Space beer. Get ready for a transition…are you ready…here it comes:

Dec 7: Simon Cowell Drives & Drinks:

Simon Cowell is not a beer priss—even if he likes Sapporo beer, a Japanese brew, so much that he drives around with a crate of it in his trunk. Seems brewer’s yeast makes him sluggish ’cause he can’t tolerate some foods, and Sapporo is yeast-free. If he goes to a restaurant that doesn’t have his favorite ale, he just goes to the trunk and gets a couple to go.

The Hoff-ful Truth

His & Her ‘Mug Shots’

Hold on to your toilet seat…there’s a freakin’ shlitz storm in the Universe of Hoff.

Nov 27: Hoff-pitalized

The only reason i’m even bothering to waste the skin cells sloughing off on the keys as i type this is because it concerns the Bar None’s Patron Deity. David Hasselhoff made his weekly trip to the emergency room after his traditional 2-day binge (which includes Thanksgiving Day, for those of you who didn’t buy a program). His daughter Hayley made the 911 call (which you can hear here), but donuts to daiquiris she has them on speed dial so her skin cells don’t sluff to much.

Nov 28: Bach In The Hot Seat

The next day (are you getting this?) Hoff’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, was busted for DUI with a BAC of 0.14. She’ll probably do jail time because she was busted for the same offense back in March 2009, and Cali carries a mandatory jail sentence for a relapse. In her comment, she claims she drank too much at dinner because of David’s hospitalization. Which is cool, because it means Hoff can use her arrest as an excuse for his next binge. It’s a virtuous circle, babes.

Dec 10: Bach Charged

Pamela Bach is officially charged with 1 count of DUI and one count of driving with a BAC of anything higher than 0.08. A police officer told TMZ Bach was “hammered”. She faces a minimum 5-day sentence if convicted.

Dec 10: Bach Says David Needs Help

Later that same day, the woman who a few hours before had been charged  for a second DUI in 8 months, makes the following plea to The Hoff’s fans (which basically means me and every German with doubts about their sexuality):

The despair—feeling hopeless and unable to believe that things can ever change with David’s alcoholism over the years—has affected our whole family. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change.

We ask David’s fans, supporters and handlers to take swift action to save this wonderful man’s life. I have always been close to my daughters to comfort and support them as well as always being there for David. We will be forever hurt from this cruel disease. I am grateful for our two daughters, who have been incredibly brave, strong and protective souls.

Dec 7: Heidi Androl And Life In The Slow Lane

Heidi Androl, an Apprentice reject, was busted for driving 35 mph on a deserted freeway. She was pulled over and did as well on the field sobriety test as she did on Trump’s show.

What’s even worse are the lack of any cool pictures of her out there. Pitiful…

Now The Going Gets Weird

Dec 7: You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby Andy

Do you remember Andy from Family Ties? i sure as hell don’t and i bet Brian Bonsall, the guy who played him, doesn’t remember either. That didn’t stop him, however, from being arrested for beating up his buddy with a barstool. Or for being so drunk while he was swinging away that he blacked out and remembers nothing about the attack. Michael J Fox wouldn’ta done it. Justine Bateman wouldn’ta done it. i think he did it because he just found out his mom is a “later in life lesbian“.

i’m just pumped his screw-up gave me a chance to dredge the Net for Justine Bateman shots.

Nov 30: Anthony Michael Hall Thinks He’s A Vampire

Anthony Michael Hall’s ex took out a restraining order against him after he…bit her forehead. Diana Falzone, the ex in question, says he was definitely drunk and pro’lly off the meds for his bi-polar disorder. Which would explain why, in addition to the face gnaw, he also bashed her head into a wall, shoved her and spit at her. Anthony Michael Hall has denied the accusations. i believe him. i mean, c’mon, how could the wimp from The Breakfast Club hurt anyone?

Regardless, here’s what the professional…something…looks like:

Dec 2: The Best For Last

Miley don’t got the party…

[Press 'Play' if you dare]

Miley Cyrus is old beyond her years, at least she thinks so. She was staying at some hotel in Miami and, according to a manager, an owner and a rep, she and a group of her friends tried to get into the 21-or-over bar but got shot down. i’m guessing she’d have had a better chance of partying in the USA if she hadn’t worn a Jonas Brothers t-shirt. i’d love to see what happens when she finally gets let in…

Serbian Girls

Feeding on the bottom these last two weeks, i’ve come up with a lot of dregs. We got a drunk woman playing with her meat, Jewish beer, 120 proof that Aussies are lost, a guy who drunk dialed 9-1-1 47 times, why no one should ever be cut off,  a politician’s guide to bedding drunk girls & virgins, a drunk Christmas parader horsing around, Amish DUI, and outer space beer. Plus some really crazy stuff (can you say ‘Estonian poetry’?)…

Before we dive into the dregs, here’s a song that goes out to Serbian President Boris Tadic, from the juiced-box:

[Press 'Play' for Cavo - Champagne]

Dec 1: Serb President Gets Kicked From Champagne

In a surprise move, Serbian President Boris Tadic didn’t get totally split faced from Champagne. He admitted in a Belgrade court that he drank the French Toilet Water in a sporting stadium to celebrate the national soccer team’s victory over Romania in a World Cup Qualifying match. Hard to deny it when there’s a photo of you breaking the law on the front page Serbia Today (or whatever the hell their national paper is called). “Breaking the law” because Serbian law forbids the partaking of alcoholic beverages in sporting arenas. In his favor, Boris waived his right to immunity and agreed to pay the fine of $730. In his disfavor, Tadic said he didn’t even like champagne. Right, like there’s any kind of alcohol a Serb would turn down.

On that note, here’s something to drink to: Serbian Girls.

Serbian Tennis Star Ana Ivanovic On The Court

Serbian Girls In The Bar None

Dec 5: Tennessee Man Drunk Dials 911—47 Times

Robert C. Zettoch was arrested when police showed up at his house after a 911 call. Unfortunately, he wasn’t sick. He was, however, stinking drunk on vodka. Seems Zettoch had been drunk dialing 911 about twice a month since September 2008. The regularity of his calls make me wonder if he was also getting phone sex. Blue balls count as a sickness, right?

Dec 8: Drunk Woman Horses Around

You thought Bad Santa from November 15th’s dregs was something? Well, Patti Lynn Moore (46), also of Tennessee, certainly rode on his red coattails. Ms Moore was full to the rim on Christmas cheer when she decided to take a nap on the horse she was riding in the Shelbyville Christmas parade. Spectators who witnessed the scene called 911 and 15 minutes later the cops found the woman still asleep on her mount outside a motel. i heard she was on top and her partner was hung like a horse. She was arrested on charges of public intoxication.

If you think that’s funny, check out the first comment on the page:

We seen the woman on the square during the parade. She was very intoxicated and looked like she was still drinking at the time. I’m glad that she was arrested anything could have happened not just to her but to all that was watching the parade. Why on earth would one be drinking this much by 6:00 pm this is crazy and in front of children she should be ashamed of her self.

i could’ve said it better myself, but it wouldn’t have been half as amusing.

Dec 6: Amish Busted For DUI In Buggy

If people parading their alcoholism is getting old hat, what about the drunken Amish? They may forgo electricity, they may shun our modern ways, they may even refuse to have their photos taken, but they apparently aren’t averse to pounding a few drinks. Elmer Stoltzfoos Fisher (22), was busted when he fell asleep in his buggy and his horse straddled the middle line, probably thinking it was coke. Police came across the slow moving buggy and pounded on the door until Elmer woke up. He blew 0.18% on the BAC; click here if you don’t know what that means. Bet you 5 bucks and a shot that Tipple-Me Elmer had to get his picture taken at the police station, Amish or not.

Dec 7: British Politician Gave Advice For Seducing Drunk Girls

Leave it to a Brit to think you have to prepare a list on how to bed a drunk person. Here’s all you need to know about having sex with a drunk person:

1. Find a drunk person
2. Have sex with them

British Speaker (which is more official than a Talker, i’m guessing) John Bercow, wrote an article for a magazine in 1986 called “The John Bercow Guide To Understanding Women”. In it he includes 5 sections:

• How To Pick Up Drunk Girls (Tell them, “‘If you’re free later, maybe we could go back to your place and name your breasts.’”)
• How To Pick Up Virgins (“Lying is good; the truth is bad. There’s nothing more dangerous than a hysterical virgin.”)
• How To Pick Up Refined Girls
• How To Get Rid Of A Girl During Sex (Apparently the need for this arises when “she won’t make sounds like a squirrel no matter how much you pay her.”)
• How To Get Rid Of Girls After Sex (We get two bits of advice here. 1) Say “‘Warning: Don’t move. I have just broken a test tube filled with the AIDS virus in bed.’” 2) Or, “‘I hate your tits.’”

Somehow i get the impression women bail on Bercow before he has the time to say anything.

As for drunks, i’m not convinced it’s difficult to bed one, but most of the time you wouldn’t want to anyway.

Twins Are Completely Lost Down Under

Dec 7: Blushing Bride

In New Zealand, a drunken bride stumbled away from her wedding reception and failed to show up at her honeymoon bed. (Looks like Bercow shoulda written another chapter: How To Get Your Newlywed Into The Sack.) Fearing abduction, emergency teams, including dogs and helicopters, were called and after a 4-hour search that cost several thousands of dollars, the woman was found passed out on the roadside, 15 meters in the bush. That’s a blushing bride.

Dec 14: Tasmanian Devil

In Australia, a man bailed on his travelling companion at 2am. He left their hotel and was spotted in a bar at 4am but disappeared after. Although he’d been in a bar, on Saturdays authorities launched a sea and land search. He finally showed up on Sunday afternoon in another bar, 7½ miles away. Someone needs to tell the Aussie police to chill like the beers the poor guy was pounding. He didn’t know there were search parties looking for him—he just didn’t want his companion to find him.

Dec 7: Cut Me Off And I Cut You Down

Anthony Gobbi (30) didn’t like being refused alcohol on a Saturday morning in the China Lion restaurant, in Lynn, Massachusetts. He didn’t like it so much that he came back with a loaded AK-47 and opened fire inside the place. i bet he was all like, “You cutting me off? Are you cutting me off? Why doncha say hello to my little friend…” Anyway, he musta been drunk to let loose with a machine gun and not even hit anyone.

Dec 6: Sweet Meat

A woman officers described as “intoxicated” was found pushing a shopping cart full of “meat and meat products” (and just what the hell is a “meat product” anyway, and how does it differ from “meat”?). She was charged with retail theft, even though she said she had taken the meat to give to her boyfriend who was currently in County lockup. Maybe the police woulda let her be if she’d only been stroking or beating it…

Dec 9: Star of David Hasselhoff

Seems like Jewish beer is getting more and more Israelis matzel-off. They make it with stuff like carob (yeah, like you know what that is), pomegranates, and spice it with rosemary and mint. There’s also one called “‘Trog Wit, made after Sukkot and using etrogs.” Is it me, or does this sound like Hobbit beer? Anyway, no big surprise that Israelis drink only 13 liters of beer per year on average (compared to 85 liters annually for Americans). Hell, i drink 13 liters of beer just to get out of bed in the morning, but then my brew is etrog-free.

Wait---Aren't Jew Units Circumsized?

It's Outta This World

Dec 7: Outer-Space Beer

Not to be outdone by their Jewish cousins, Japanese beer brewer, Sapporo, is selling 250 6-packs of beer at $110 a pop. Why so expensive? No, they don’t include school girl panties. What makes “Space Beer” so incredibly overpriced is that the barley used to brew the beer was cultivated by the Russians on their ISS space station. Drink this if you’re tired of seeing pink elephants and are looking for some little green men.

If you’re interested in applying for the lottery required to win the beer, click here. Hurry, though. The last day for applications is today, December 15th.

Sapporo Doesn't Include Panties, But The Bar None Has A Machine

Diary-a Dregs

To start off, i’d like to thank Ken, once more and again. Several of the stories i dredged up here were brought to my attention by my most benevolent of patrons. Thank you once again, my Brother.

Poetry Dregs

In staying with a theme that i began with this blog, i have a sample of Estonian poetry (c’mon, Serbian / Estonian it’s all the same freakin’ thing).

Last week, i noticed i was getting a lot of traffic from an Estonian forum concerning my The Truth About The 9/11 Shooter post. Wondering what the hell they were talking about, i entered their messages into Google Translate. Here’s what i got:

tangled Combs

pull the tube full of himself

own country, full of drink

However, if the story is not drinking alcohol, it seems to be much more precise result:

wasted

condemned to go

etc.

“I can not wait when I am old enough that I could go to waste”

“because” no sign, however, the temporal sequence

]]> http://crimecrawlers.wordpress.com/2009/12/13/richard-and-angela-mcanulty/ Sun, 13 Dec 2009 20:23:42 +0000 thinkgoat http://crimecrawlers.wordpress.com/2009/12/13/richard-and-angela-mcanulty/

By Thinkgoat

Eugene, Oregon The defendants, on or about December 9. 2009, in Lane County, Oregon, under circumstances manifesting and extreme indifference to the value of human life, did unlawfully and recklessly cause the death by neglect and maltreatment of Jeanette Marie Maples, a dependent person born August 9, 1993, contrary to statute and against the peace and dignity of the State of Oregon; The State further alleges this crime occurred in the course of, or as a result of, intentional maiming and torture of the victim.                              DATED December 10, 2009 at Eugene, Lane County, Oregon.  ORS 163.095 (1)(c)(B)*

Maiming. A 16-year-old. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary: Maim implies the loss or injury of a bodily member through violence. Wiki defines maiming as an act or physical injury that degrades the appearance or function of any living body, usually without causing death. So either this sweet and loving couple got bored with torturing this child or they got a little carried away with the festivities because when 911 was called and the emergency workers arrived, Jeanette Maples was lying in the bathtub injured and unconscious. She was pronounced dead at the hospital.

Authorities have not released details regarding the exact abuse and torture this child suffered but were quick to explain the circumstances leading to her death affected detectives working the case. Documents filed in court state the alleged murder was caused “by neglect and maltreatment” and “occurred in the course of, or as a result of, intentional maiming and torture of the victim.” This was done by the hands of her mother and step-father, Angela and Richard McAnulty.

Outside of the senseless and savage death of this child is the thought that her death could have been prevented. Although she was registered as being homeschooled, Jeanette had some contact with her step-grandmother who noticed signs of abuse months prior to her death. In an interview, she described seeing a split and swollen lip and what looked like hair being yanked out by the fist full. Not accepting the standard, “she fell down the stairs” explanation that every single asshole abuser in the world uses, granny took a friend’s advice and called the state’s child abuse hotline. Many times. They did absolutely nothing and a child was tortured to death. Lynn McAnulty naturally regrets not calling the police – she simply didn’t want to lose contact with her grandchildren. I cannot imagine having to endure the torture Lynn will live with – feeling she should have done more to protect this child. I also feel, with multiple calls to a child abuse hotline, a damn surprise visit from that agency should have taken place. I guess I’m not the only one with that view:  Dr. Bruce Goldberg, who is the director for Oregon’s Human Services has ordered an inside investigation into the caseworkers who may have been assigned this case. Although it’s too late for the child, it’s almost refreshing to not have a department-head cry, “we’re so over-worked” or “we did everything possible – it’s not our fault”.

Two other children who were living in the home were taken into protective custody, a 12-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy. It’s not known at this time, if they were abused as well.

Angela McAnulty (41) and Richard McAnulty (40) were arrested on charges of murder by abuse. Thank God the death of these two sadistic people may be on the table. If they can’t take themselves out of the gene pool, I vote for doing it for them.

Source1 | Source2 | Source3

Email Thinkgoat:  thinkgoat2@gmail.com

Click here to Digg this article

By Lazlo

Portland, Tennessee When I was a child, the teachers were almost gods. Outside of my parents, they were the intellectual, moral, and ethical compass in my life. There was no question about their integrity, and the things they said were unquestionably facts. The were beyond human – they were teachers.

As I grew older, attained some higher education myself and had children of my own, I came to understand that teachers were people, just like me. They were fraught with the same kinds of foibles and problems. But I still held them high esteem. I tended to regard them as special individuals that were called to serve – that had a drive to bring to our children the tools they would need to live life a in successful, fulfilling way. Little did I realize the tools some teachers would dispense – Ninja attack skills for the purpose of vindication. But that’s precisely the lesson Brenda Sue Rawls was passing on to her 7th grade apprentice.

It seems that Rawls recruited the assistance of a Portland East Middle school student to help her exact retribution against a fellow colleague. Using her key, she alledged sent her pint-sized enforcer into the school after hours to mess up the fellow teachers world. Sardine juice, condoms and lubricant were employed to foul the desk and mini-fridge. Three lockers were also hit in this black-ops commando raid.

After they made egress, and were debriefing after the raid, it was decided that perhaps things were taken a bit too far. So a second insertion was executed, and air fresheners were used to attempt to clean up the lockers. I am just guessing here, but it would appear that her prote’ge’ learned his lesson a little too well, and decided to do some wild-catting on students he may have disliked.

Upon interrogation, Rawls allegedly admitted to purchasing the war materials and air freshener, and to using her key. She denies having any involvement with the actual vandalism. Nice try. She has been charged with vandalism under $500, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and criminal trespassing. Her bond was set at $1000.

But the story doesn’t end there, nor the scope of responsibility.

This bastion of moral fortitude, this 50 year old icon of ethical and legal steadfastness, was NOT relieved of her position, with a prohibition of ever teaching children again tattooed on her forehead. She was TRANSFERRED! To an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!!

She will now be instructing the children at Watt Hardison Elementary who are equipped with absolutely no BS filters. They will have no way of knowing she is a certified loon. Unrestrained, she will be spreading her particular psychosis to untold numbers of growing minds. This is the kind of thing that only happens in America. Or, of course, the Catholic Church.

I can only assume that the move was made to appease a teachers union, this being her first offense and all, and only a misdemeanor at that. It’s hard to hold our children to the highest standards when we tacitly accept, or at least overlook, this type of gross malfeasance on the part of their educators.

Source

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By Thinkgoat

Montgomery, Alabama I’ve refused a lot of things in my lifetime: refused to try sushi, refused to put a new roll of toilet paper “under” instead of “over”, and refused to let my husband have the last word but never ever have I refused to have any of my babies. By the time 9 months of joy have ticked down, believe me…each and every time I’ve looked forward to that day. Not only for the chance to hold my little bundle of needs but also to see the bones in my ankles with no swelling, being able to roll over in bed without feeling like a beached whale, and thank God, the end of complete strangers feeling the need to walk up and put their grubby hand on my stomach. I don’t know a single woman who’s ever hoped that her pregnancy would last just one more day except for now. Jennifer Nanetta James has to be the only bitch walking this planet who has signed a waiver refusing to have her baby when she visited the doctor’s office and split. Something tells me she had other plans…

Yes, you read that correctly – Jennifer James went to her doctor, was experiencing signs of an immediate delivery and refused to have that baby. But a week later she returned to the same doctor complaining of a cold and was no longer pregnant. The doctor found this a bit curious and I imagine asked her some difficult questions like perhaps, “When did you have your baby?” or “Where did you deliver your baby?” or “Where the fuck is your baby?”

Well, she had a miscarriage. Yeah, at nine months. The doctor bought it too, so much so, he called the police. I can only imagine the difficult questions they had for her: “Did you seek medical attention?” “Where did you go into labor?” “Where the fuck is your baby?” The trauma of the birthing ordeal must have been so great, for Jennifer gathered up her tiny bundle of needs and tossed it in the trash can. I sure hope she washed her hands after handling that biohazard. You can never be too careful.

While police were busy hunting through the landfills, Jennifer busied herself with getting the fuck out of dodge. Two months later, as her picture started to flood the local media in form of a “wanted persons” segment, she finally turned herself into authorities late Thurday/early Friday and now is faced with Capital Murder charges. The “miscarried” baby has never been found.

Source1 | Source2

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By Scorpiogirl

New Port Richey, Florida Meet Keisha Young.  She has apparently spent her adult life being too loaded to remember to take her birth control pills.  I mean hey, why take a pill that doesn’t get you high right?

She has given birth four times.  The first three children were removed at birth because she didn’t forget to get loaded before going into labor.  All three tested positive for drugs when born and didn’t go home with dear Mommy.  She somehow was able to bring baby number four home but was apparently still good at remembering to get high.  She just happened to take a bit more than she should have and left her little one to fend for himself.  She was found  overdosed, along with another person, and her last memory was of putting her one year old in the crib thirteen hours prior.  The child has been removed and Mommy faces charges of neglect. At the hospital, Young’s explanation to staffers was that she was simply trying to “get high.” The child was unharmed, thankfully, but can I get a big round of “tie this worthless bitche’s tubes”?

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By Thinkgoat

Pampano Beach, Florida There’s not a lot of preface to this fucker’s story other than some people are just plain evil. Deangelo, a 29-year-old spoiled rotten brat, got in a little spat with his momma. That’s right – damn near 30-years-old and fighting with the very woman who raised him. Being the grateful son he is, instead of acting his age and merely walking away from the argument like the majority of adults would do, he decided to plot revenge. But it’s exactly what he did that has the authorities breathing down his neck and the rest of us disgusted…

A witness called the police around 10 in the morning stating he just saw some crazy guy heading to the lake with a couple of cages and threw them in. It just so happened the crates were occupied with his mother’s two dogs…a terrier mix and a pregnant miniature pinscher. An animal control officer (who consequently was a diver as well) dove into the water and was able to retrieve the cages from about 15 feet of water. Unfortunately, the pregnant dog drowned.

People who torture children and small animals can rot in hell in my opinion. It takes a big person to act upon something so defenseless.

It’s generally the norm for someone with this propensity, to start out torturing animals and then escalate. Deangelo, however, is no stranger to the system. With this arrest, he celebrated his 18th mug shot being entered into the system. At least he’s consistent there.

Santa's Awesome Elf: William Caldwell III

By Thinkgoat

Morrow, Georgia My friend Kelly was going to take his daughter to visit Santa Claus yesterday and I tried to convince him to take his turn sitting on Santa’s lap. I’m not sure if he’s ever taken me seriously in the umpteen years I’ve known him and yesterday was no different. I tried to convince him it wasn’t really unheard of and the only thing that would really draw attention to the situation would be if he happened to piss on his lap, there was still no way he was going to humor me long distanced and actually do it. And just as I closed out our chat, I came across this story of a guy around our age who was filled with the holiday spirit and promptly got arrested.

Dressed in an elf costume, William Caldwell stood in line at Southlake Mall outside of Atlanta, Georgia last week awaiting his turn to speak to the freaky man with an unruly beard dressed in red. As he traversed the serpentine line he was merely looked upon as a mall employee who was possibly hired to don the ridiculous outfit and make a complete fool of himself. But when he made it to St. Nick, it’s what he said that got his ass in a whole heap of trouble.

It was something like, “Hey Santa, guess what I have for YOU…a little bit of dynamite in my bag!” I really hope he let out one of those maniacal laughs like all the evil villains do in the movies. And who knows, he may have – did you take a good look at his mug shot? Meth much, dude? Holy Shit! Had I been in line with my children and looked at that, we would have split. Seriously. He simply does not possess the look of a rational human being…or elf.

Santa called mall security and Big Willy was escorted into the arms of real cops who slapped some real charges on this over-grown doofus. While peering into his little bag of goodies, they found it was just as vacant of explosives as his gaze was of any sanity. William Caldwell III was arrested for having hoax devices and making terroristic threats. Should have charged the dipshit with pissing off Santa although the big guy NEVER forgets. Guaranteed, Willy has been crossed off that big list.

And Kelly – if you ever decided to act on a whim and follow my suggestion, leave any explosives you might think of acquiring at home…and of course, visit the little boy’s room before sitting on Santa’s lap. And for Willie, just say no to drugs, dude. And seriously, an elf costume? You totally ruined any fantasy I had of getting myself a few midgets, dress them as little elf people, and tossing them into the crowd. You’re on my shitlist too.

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This vase, made of stacking coffee cups, would be a nice addition to the kitchen table, simultaneously adding a touch of whimsy and sophistication.

from Laura Pregger via Design*Sponge.

Found on Flickr

Tawny Kitaen

What’s in the store for you this week: Tawny Kitaen is officially charged and a Charger is officially suspected. A Bulgarian politician receives ‘highest’ honor ever, Tennessee applies for Statehood, and New Yorkers get drunk on a wild turkey. Not to mention….are you ready? Here it comes….the Patron Deity of The Bar None: David Hasselhoff!  Click below on the title or link below to see it all.

Dregs

Nov 27: Bulgarian Prime Minister Receives Highest Honor

Bulgarians have decided to name their local brandy “Borisovka” after their Prime Minister Boiko Borisov to thank him for nixing plans to increase tax on alcohol. If you want to thank me for keeping this blog regular for over three months, you could name a kind of cigarette after me…

Hard to believe, but the idea of linking booze and politicians isn’t new. Russians did the same with Putin and Vodka:

i'd Like To Taste Tatiana's Putinka

Nov 23: Tennessee Pretends To Be Civilized

In an effort to get the “Tennessee: The Trailer Trash State” motto removed from license plates, a Tennessean judge (pro’lly bussed in from San Francisco, or some other hippy sanctuary city) blocked a law that had been on the books since July, allowing gun owners to carry firearms into bars. If you can’t get loaded and drunk in Tennessee, where can you do it?

Can i Carry My Shot-Gun?

Can i Still Drink A Shooter?

Don't Worry, It's Still Legal In Alaska (i'm Pretty Sure)

It's Loaded And Me Too

Nov 23: New Yorkers Drunk On A Wild Turkey

Citizens of New York City had a lot to give thanks for on Thursday’s Thanksgiving. O’Casey’s Tavern in Midtown Manhattan master-basted a turkey for three days in peach, raspberry, cherry and apple flavored vodkas. The secret ingredient? Georgi, 100-proof vodka. The gravy was also spiked with distilled alcohol.

Georgi Vodka Ad In New York City

The Girl 'Behind' the Georgi Vodka Ad

Speaking of hot women and Thanksgiving, a shout out to Miss Demeanor and the excellent Thanksgiving spread she put on for me and the little Alkies, including homemade pumpkin pie. Normally i avoid Thanksgiving like AA in Utah because it just feels wrong celebrating it in Yeman without my family, but Miss D made me realize she and my kids are my family.

Celebrity Dregs

Nov 28: Tawny Kitaen Charged

Remember a couple months ago when i posted the Tawny Kitaen mugshot? Well, last Friday she was officially charged with DUI and faces up to 6-months and 1 grand.

While we’re on her, here are some shots:

Tawny In "The Perils Of Gwendoline"

Nov 23: Charger Charged (Well, ‘Suspected’ Anyway)

In a true example of Criminal Justice, Antonio Cromartie was in a San Diego bar the other night and, horror of all horrors, not only witnessed but became involved in a champagne spraying contest between two tables. Probably from a country too poor to pour, Antonio took matters (and a bottle of champagne) into his own hands when he chucked the bottle at the offending group wasting the good stuff. He cracked some guy’s head open and while police may be questioning him, we here at the Bar None are applauding him.

Nov 27: Hoff-pitalized

Wass'up!!!

Yes, ’tis true, the Patron Deity of the Bar None was hospitalized last Friday for a ’seizure’. (You say ’seizure’, i say ‘power barfing’.) Apparently, he’d been binge drinking for two days straight. Petering out early isn’t like him. He must be getting old. i’m a little worried about his health if he can only go on a 2-day bender. Rumor has it, his camera-girl daughter was the one who called 911.  A drink to your health, Hoff. May you be up and back in the bar None before you totally sober up.

On the juiced-box, dedicated to Donald Crawford: The Holograms – Drunk Dial

[Press 'Play']

Here’s an excerpt of the 911 call (as an mp3) where he talks about his truck being ‘tooken’.

[Press 'Play' to feel better about yourself.]

This guy might be bad, but i still say the drunk guy who got arrested for fondling the nurse who was delivering his baby takes the keg.

Here’s a recent acquisition on the juiced-box, drafted especially for Ken. In my review of The Limits Of Control, i referenced an LCD Soundsystem song called “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House”. Ken said the title tickled his funny bone, and whatever a regular wants, a regular gets.

Find Out What Dregs Paris Is Digging For Below

On tap this week: Prince Harry kisses another guy for a beer, Johnny Depp drunk, Shayne Lamas DWI, Alexandra Kerry DUI, Elizabeth Hurley’s vodka diet, multiple drunken suicide attempts, a really bad Santa, a primary school principle pulled over for drunk driving in a dress, Elizabeth Hurley hot, Paris Hilton hot, Alexandra Kerry in a see-thru dress, Shayne Lamas in a bikini, spankings, floggings and oh so much more…

Dregs

As this post is dedicated to Ken, one of the regulars who’s sent me most of the links i’m covering today, i’m putting a quarter in the juiced-box and playing a song he brought up yesterday in comments to my Twilight Saga: Hew Moon Booze Revooze post. Here’s The Runaways covering ”Eight Days A Week”.

[Press 'Play' to Runaway]

Nov 19: Police See Through John Kerry’s Daughter

Alexandra Kerry Mug Shot

At 12:40am, police pulled Alexandra Forbes Kerry (36) over for driving erratically. How do i know you shoulda voted for Kerry like i did in 2004? His daughter wasn’t smart enough to pass a field sobriety test but she was smart enough to refuse a breathalyzer. How many times do i gotta tell you guys? ALWAYS refuse a breathalyzer. Alex (can i call her ‘Alex’?) was taken downtown and given the regulation blood alcohol exam and tested 0.06%. The entire US considers 0.08% to be over the top so, while the law could still go after her for driving erratically because of the booze, the District Attorney has let it be known he’ll pass on this one. Maybe if Stephanie Pratt wore see through dresses at French film festivals she coulda got away with her slight infraction.

Nov 15: Really Really Bad Santa

i love a parade. Especially one where Santa shows up. And really especially when he drives drunk in the parade. A 51-year-old Santa in Cambridge, Ontario was pulled over for drunk driving. As Santa. In a parade. And you thought Canadians didn’t party.

Nov 10: MADD Cop Stopped For DUI

Gerald Gibson (51) is a cop in Ohio. C’mon, any state that sounds like a yawn is bound to be boring as hall. Trying to shake things up a little, Gerry was pulled over after crossing the middle line. He refused a field breathalyzer as well (see, if a cop knows to refuse the test in the field, so should you) and was taken to the pokey. So what? So he was an off duty State Trooper who was honored as Trooper of the Year in 2002 and was honored by Mothers Against Drunk Drivers in 1997 for his madd skills of arresting the most drunk drivers in Lima (Ohio, not the bean) that year. Here at the Bar None, Drunks Against Mad Mothers (DAMM) are working on a new award for him.

Nov 12: Soccer Player Sentenced To Spanking

You know how i know Nigeria is a backwards country? It’s not because a soccer player (Stephen Worgu) who was busted for drunk driving has to pay $105. It’s not even because he was also sentenced to 40 lashes.  i know Nigeria is a backwards ass country because the other charge Worgu faces is consuming alcohol! Alcohol is against the law in northern Sudan! That’s how i know. First you go to a bar and then you go behind them.

Nov 14: Ugandan Official Suggests Caning Dead Bodies

Nigeria, however, is not the big winner of Most Backwards Ass Country of the Week award that everyone has been coveting their pants off. The big winner this week is Uganda. Edwin Komakech said people who die from drinking local moonshine (waragi) distilled with methanol should have their corpses caned six times to serve as an example to the living. i’ve heard about flogging a dead horse, but a dead ass?

Nov 10: Elementary School Principal Busted For DUI In A Dress

With A Name Like 'Tracy' What Do You Expect

Knowing he was leaving a Halloween party in a bar kinda takes the fun out of it, but doesn’t change the fact that Tracy Tredway, an elementary school principal in Indiana, was walking unsteadily (on heels, hey, give the guy a break) then driving unsteadily (hey, could still be the heels) when he was pulled over. He blew 0.19 and was charged. He’s now on forced recess from Riddle Elementary School.

Nov 16: The $18,000 Lowenbrau

You thought my bar bills were high… A bottle of Lowenbrau pulled from the wreckage of the 1937 Hindenburg airship disaster (think cover of Led Zeppelin’s first album) sold for £11,000 (that’s $18,124 in real money) in an auction probably somewhere in England. Now that i’ve wet your whistle with Zeppelin, i’ll give you a taste. Here’s “Hey Hey, What Can I Do” from the juiced-box:

[Press 'Play' and let the rock do the rest]

Nov 15: Prince Harry Kisses Guy For Beer

In other non-news, Prince Harry kissed a guy in a bar for a free beer. An Englishman kissing another Englishman for beer? Yeah, in other breaking news, the Pope is Catholic and George Bush Was Clueless During His Presidency. Seems that Harry was hanging out with his mates in a pub in Stevenage, England. Some chap called Rocky Bennett told the hair to the throne that he’d buy him a pint if he could kiss him. Harry laughed and let Rocky kiss him on the cheek. Hence the British term: cheeky bastard. i’m betting Rocky ran straight home to wank.

Nov 14: Guy Jumps Out Of 5th Floor Window. Twice.

Saving the best for last… This 22-year-old Russian guy doesn’t take to well to vodka—or marriage. After drinking three fifths of Moscow Holy Water, Alexei Roskov stood up, walked over to his fifth floor window, opened it and jumped out. Then survived. So he walked back to his apartment, where his wife had called an ambulance and started yelling at him for his action. She was nagging so much that he went and did it again. And survived again, with nothing more than a couple scratches. He says he’s gone totally T, but i’m guessing the wife will push him to drink again in no time.

Celebrity Dregs

Nov 12: Elizabeth Hurley’s Vodka Diet

Elizabeth Hurley At The Bar None

Elizabeth Hurley is hotter at 44 than many girls at half that age, and she owes it all to vodka. Turns out i’ve been practicing the Elizabeth Hurley diet as well, and i’ll be damned if my man boobs aren’t almost as big as hers. Seems she only has one meal a day and switched out coffee and wine for vodka. Maybe she’s really Elizabeth Hurl-ey. I haven’t Hurl-ied in a long time, though, which would explain my excess baggage.

Anyway, you be the judge:

Nov 18th Johnny Depp Drunk

i’m a huge Johnny Depp fan for reasons too long to go into here. Let’s just say i admire him for being a talented actor who refused to play the ‘good looks’ card and insisted on appearing in movies he could believe in. That and he was super drunk after being elected the sexiest man alive. Again. The video’s here at TMZ. If you watch it, check out how he signs his autograph towards the end. Looks easy enough to forge….

Johnny Depp At The Bar None

Nov 18th: Fighting Is The New DUI

Trendsetter Paris Hilton is at it again. After Rachel Christie (ex-Miss England) and Mischa Barton, Ms Hilton has decided to get in the ring. Paris chose to duke it out with Doug Reinhardt who i’m guessing is her current boyfriend but i can’t be bothered to care enough to verify this. Apparently police responded to a “Drunk People Arguing” call and the cops came to find the couple in a shoving match. No arrests were made: No blood, no crime.

Nov 15: Shayne Lamas DWI

Apparently no one told Shayne Lamas that drunk driving is out and celebrity boxing is in. This Stephanie Pratt wannabe decided to promote her new reality show by getting busted last week. Ho-hum, how passé. i’ll help her out, though, if it means looking up Lorenzo Lamas’s daughter in a bikini:

Diary-a Dregs

Another stellar week in the Bar None. i’d like to personally thank each and every one of you who took the time to patronize me this week and i will if you leave a comment.

Rather than blather on about the figures, i’d like to show you…

Total hits last week? 810. This week? 6,545.

It would seem Kate Beckinsale is the new Megan Fox. Here are the results for the Booze Revooze of Whiteout:

The high point you see is from last Friday: 945 views.

Thank you Ms Beckinsale, and your ta-tas.

]]> http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/what-is-it/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 02:31:04 +0000 quinncreative http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/what-is-it/

You see something great. You take a photo. You look at the photo and without context, you have no idea what it is.

Here is my “What is it?” shot. Description below the photo.

Looks like . . . .

It’s a frosty mug of ginger beer, beer partially frozen. The shot is taken with the mug placed on a white coaster. The camera was held directly above the mug, pointing down into the mug. Yep, on my desk. Drinking while working. This ginger beer is non-alcoholic though.

From the Juiced-box to get things rolling, in honor of the Australia post below (’cause the Sick Puppies are Aussie):

[Press 'Play' to kick off the jams]

Near Miss

Nov 6: Miss Loses Crown, Goes For Title

Miss England lost her crown last Friday after getting a bar fight with Miss Manchester over a Gladiator. Rachel Christie (Miss England) punched out Sara Jones (Miss Manchester), got arrested and had to withdraw from the Miss World Competition. She plans to concentrate her hopes on Olympic gold, but in some ‘event’ called the ‘heptathlon’, not in boxing! We here at the Bar None would love to see Rachel Christie throw down with Mischa Barton. In bikinis. With Jello.

Nov 10: Don’t Drink And Fly

A man whose name sounds like a U.S. map, 51-year-old Erwin Vermont Washington, wanted to fly higher than ever. Things didn’t really take off, though, because he was taken off a plane, given a Breathalyzer and arrested before things got off the ground. The only problem was, he was the pilot. An employee tattled on him and the test, given out of view of passengers, proved his BAC was too high to fly. What was he charged with? Attempted FWI? It wasn’t his fault, if you ask me: 0.02% is the legal limit for flying while 0.08% is for driving a car. How fair is that?

Nov 10: Drunk Woman Falls On Subway Tracks: VIDEO

A video is worth a thousand words. Nothing to add except i think her problem was all the red boxes flying around her while she was so stinking drunk.

Click on the picture to see the video

Nov 15: Stephanie Pratt Should Move To Australia

Stephanie Pratt was the surreality actress who earned herself a mug shot a couple weeks ago. The real tragedy behind the arrest isn’t that she pleaded not guilty and will go to rehab instead of jail (this according to TMZ) but that she was arrested to begin with! She only blew 0.09, for chrissakes! 0.08 is the legal limit and she blew 0.01 over! Freaking 0.01%! That’s like the total percent of writer’s who don’t drink! Steph should move to Australia where this one couple got arrested for DWI three times—in three hours. (Shattering the previous record of twice in four hours, set by Talitha Gorea.) It goes like this: Just after midnight, a 37-year-old Australian guy driving with his 27-year-old girlfriend get pulled over. He was breath tested and was over the legal limit. Police didn’t arrest him but noticed his companion was drunk and told her not to drive. An hour later, police pulled her over—on the same street. Same offense. At 3:05, police stopped the couple again, on the same street, with the man behind the wheel again. He was tested again, found to be over the limit again, but refused to follow police back to HQ and was not arrested anyway! Screw it, i’m moving to Australia with Stephanie Pratt.

Nov 13: Canadian Club Spill

It was a disaster of epic proportions, perhaps even more tragic than the Vodka tsunami that prompted the Bar None’s first Stoli War (AKA ‘Vodkwā’). A tanker carrying 7,000 gallons of Canadian Club whiskey overturned faster than a whiskey shot in an Irish pub. Oh, the humanity! Roads were closed, Canadians were weeping in Clubs, drinkers were left high and dry the world over. Relief efforts included sending a crack team from the Bar None to lick up the mess, but by the time we arrived it was too late: T-totaling firemen had already hosed down the road. How can a loving god let things like this happen?

Nov 8: Man Celebrates 63rd Arrest

Jim Crowe’s younger brother, John Crowe was busted for stealing three bottles of champagne in a Chicago Whole Foods. He was gonna just be charged with misdemeanor (no relation to Miss Demeanor) retail theft but that was upgraded to a felony when cops sorted through his 50+ aliases and realized it was his 63rd arrest. Here’s the Mug Shot:

Busted Before He Could Celebrate

Celebrity Dregs

Before you go any further, a theme for the next next post:

[Press 'Play' to hear a cool, jazzy version of "I Kissed A Girl", live and unplugged]

A Lohan Two-Fer

Nov 13: Lohan Got A Lift

Lohan pulled the same crap as John Crowe (above) but didn’t get arrested. She was at this club called the Crown Bar, ordered a bottle of Champagne and when the bill came, she pointed at another table and told the waitress to put it on that guy’s tab (turns out it was Twilight’s Kellan Lutz). After she finished it, she took off without paying…just like a John Crowe. Maybe she could give him lessons on how to lift champagne. Or maybe he should hang out in better clubs than

Whole Foods.

Nov 14: A Nice Piece (Of ADVICE, You Pervs!)

Lindsay (’cause i’m tight with her like that and call her by her first name) had a lesson to learn the day after the champagne boost. She went to a party of people less screwed up than herself (yes, it was a big party) and hung out with Courtenay Semel (her first lesbian love, the one before Samantha Ronson). Here’s a little photo of the couple in the good ol’ days. Tongues start wagging and it turns out Courtenay not only has a stupid name (i think ‘Semel’ is French for what her privates do after 3 hours in tight leather) but she also just got out of rehab! Eeek! She nagged Lindsay so much that Poorhan ran out of the party in tears. What are friends for? Not for freaking that, i’m here to tell you.

More nice pieces:

Lindsay At The Bar None

Nov 10 Joss Stoned Hates Booze

Speaking of hot, young, talented, pretty girls with no brains… Joss Stone gave an interview to Star Magazine where the head-bonger blasphemes that weed is better than alcohol! According to her, marijuana makes you laugh and alcohol makes you kick the spit out of everyone. Not True! i’ve been in tons of fights on booze and have not kicked one ass yet.

Here’s the good news:

What’s more is, i heard she can sing from her diaphragm! i’d like to see a photo of that!

One for the road, in keeping with the lesbian theme:

Joss Stone Kissing A Girl On The UK Series "Snapper"

Bar None Dregs

i just want to bend your ears for a second and share some of the love.

What do these numbers mean: 9-1-13-51-89?

They are the average numbers of page reads per day for each month since starting the Diary-a Of A Chronicle Drinker, last July.

Yesterday (Nov 14) was my world record day, 161 page views. Until today. There are still 3 hours left, but i’ve already broken my 200-reader cherry. My next trick is to break the cherry of 200 readers…

Point is, if you’re reading this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Tons of people are reading these pages with you, so don’t be shy. Leave your mark! Leave a comment! If nothing else, just a word to say Hi, or Thanks or Where’s The John? We’re drinkers people! If you’re a little timid, remember, this is The BAR NONE. Just have a shot and then take one.

i humbly thank you from the bottle of my bottle. i appreciate your patronizing me and if you had fun, invite a friend.

Today is November 10, 2009. It is the 314th day of the year with 51 days to go

Today’s History

In 1775, the United States Marines were first organized under the authority of the Continental Congress.
In 1969, Sesame Street made its debut on National Educational Television, which later became PBS.
In 2004, Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat died in Paris. Today’s News

Finally!
A South Korean woman has finally passed her driving test—after her 950th try. Yes, she came up to the DMV 949 times and failed. She paid more than $4200 in application fees in her attempts to pass the written exam. According to South Korean law, applicants must receive a minimum score of 60 on the written exam before they can take the driving portion. After coming up to the DMV nearly every day since April 2005, she has finally passed the damn thing and can move on to the driving portion.

Okay, the woman is now 68 years old, and now she gets to go on to the road test. Is this really a good idea? It took her 3 years to pass the written exam, where all you do is look at pictures of road signs and answer a few questions about drunk driving laws. Do you think this woman is capable of taking the driving part? I would say no. In fact, I think she should be barred entirely from the driving process.

No, That’s Not My Best Pic
A British man decided that he did not like the mug shot photo of him that was being used in a Wanted poster, so he provided the police with a new one. The man is on the run from the police and in Britain, they print Wanted criminal posters in the newspaper. When the man saw his mug shot, he was like, “Oh, God, they used my worst picture!” so he sent a better one. The police have thanked him and his photo made it to the front page.

Seriously? You’re a wanted man and you provide the picture so they can easily identify you. What did he send in…his yearbook photo? Or his Facebook profile pic? I need him to get it together.

Death to the Heathen
John Allen Muhammad, otherwise known as the DC Sniper is scheduled for execution in Virginia later today. Unfortunately, Virginia does not allow death by wild boar, so he will merely get the lethal injection for terrorizing two states and the District of Columbia. The Muhammad case is really quite bizarre. He was a former Army soldier who was described as quite gentle by his peers. After getting out, he seemed to go crazy. He recruited a young Jamaican boy who desperately needed a father figure in his life, and the two began what would have been a cross country killing spree. Their original intent was to shoot at least six people a day for 30 days, then go up to Canada and create some kind of Utopia for homeless people. These homeless people would, in turn, launch additional attacks on others across the United States. Muhammad’s second wife believes that the reason he started killing was because he wanted to kill her after she divorced him and moved to Maryland. Ten people were shot and killed; three others were seriously injured. Everybody be sure to raise up a glass at 9 tonight that the American justice system does kind of work, and it didn’t take 20 years to put this guy down.

I had just moved to MD when all of that started happening. After everyone told me I wouldn’t like living up here, I had to move up here after he had already shot three or four people. Then the white box truck scare had me staring down delivery truck drivers looking for sniper rifles. What a mess. I’m glad he lost his last appeal. He tried to say that he had PTSD and was mentally ill. I hate how these guys have brass enough to go around murdering people in broad daylight but when they are facing their own deaths they cry to mama. Sorry ‘bout your luck.

Today’s Celebrity Gossip

Comedian Katt Williams is under arrest for allegedly breaking into a record producer’s home with a crowbar. He was in Cowetta County, Georgia filming a movie produced by the record producer, and an employee of the producer claimed Williams busted into the home and stole approximately $3500 in jewellery and collectable coins. Williams and his attorney categorically deny any burglary, stating that not only was Williams a guest at the home but he reportedly wears more jewellery than the amount that was stolen, so why would he need some more? I think the mug shot is amusing in and of itself. Let’s take a moment to reflect. HAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Remember Lisa Nowak, the hoe that drove halfway cross the country in a diaper so she could kidnap her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend? Hahaha, I still get a laugh out of that. Well, anyway, she is scheduled to be in court today on a plea deal. She also wants to let everybody know that she wasn’t wearing a diaper. She wants you to understand that, but seriously, she could get life in prison for pepper spraying the girlfriend in the parking lot at the airport. She pleaded not guilty to charges attempted kidnapping, battery and burglary of a vehicle with a weapon. See how chicks go crazy over a man.

Today’s Thought

Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mischa At The Bar None: Gin in a Wine Glass (Ok, not really)

Oct 12: Drunk Man Arrested: Flirts With Nurse Delivering His Baby, Misses Birth of 1st Child. i love this kind of story because i can honestly say i’ve never gone this far. People like this guy make me feel normal.

Adam Manning, 30 years old, showed up at the hospital with his pregnant wife/girlfriend (the web has both) and started eying the nurse wheeling the mother of his child. Apparently he liked what he saw because he told the nurse how attractive she was, started tickling her neck and then grabbed her breast with his significant other right there in the wheelchair. His first child, a son, was born without Adam, who had been arrested by the Ogden (Utah) police. A drink to Adam for being able to get drunk in Utah to begin with.

Adam Manning's Mug Shot

Coming Up: Mischa Barton Bar Fight

Nov 3: Drunk Jockeys Ruin Mayan Horse Race Guatemalans gathered in handfuls in Todos Santos Cuchumatan (sounds like something you say when barfing, doesn’t it? “CCUUUUUUUUUchum-um-umaTTTAAAANNNN”) to witness a traditional Mayan horse race, where riders go back and forth along a 330-foot stretch of road for seven hours. Unfortunately, things turned ugly because many of the jockeys were wasted on the moonshine they’d started pounding days before the contest. Apparently no one told them the ancient Mayans didn’t intend the race to be a drinking game (“What? This isn’t called ‘Quarters Horses’?”). At least two riders fell off their mounts; one was trampled and carried out of the mud by the crowd, another was seen stumbling off the track all bloodied. But hey, wouldn’t you get as drunk as possible whenever possible if your ancestors told you the world was going to end in two years?

Nov 4: Underage Man in Breathalyzer Suit Busted for DUI. On Halloween evening in Oxford, Ohio, 20-year-old James P Miller decided to drive the wrong way down a one-way street with his headlights off. An even worse idea was doing this while wearing a Breathalyzer costume. And holding an open beer. With more in the trunk. He was busted for:

1. Operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated
2. Underage possession of alcohol
3. Having an open container of alcohol
4. Possessing a fake i.d.
5. Driving the wrong way on a one-way street
6. Being a rocket scientist (yeah, not really)

He blew a 0.158, nearly twice the legal limit of 0.08. (Click here to see the BAC scale.) My question is, did the police make him blow himself?

Is It Just Me Or Is His Straw Bent?

Nov. 6: Drunk Driver Calls 911 For Stolen Weed Remember the woman who called 911 to report herself as a drunk driver? Calvin Hoover (21-years-old) did her one better. He called 9-1-1 in Salem, Oregon to report that, while he was in a bar, someone broke into his pickup and stole $400, a jacket and $180 worth of marijuana. Police tried to track him down but couldn’t. Fortunately, he called back and asked what the F was up, complaining that the deputies had not arrived. Apparently it was difficult to understand him because he was driving and puking simultaneously. (i bet he was just saying ”Cuchumatan”.) The cops finally tracked him down and arrested him for DWI. The good news was, because he didn’t have his weed, he couldn’t be busted for possession.

Calvin Hoover Mug Shot

You think that’s funny? Take a look at this comment posted on the newspaper site i linked in the headline:

“i just dont know what to say here, this is too funny! ex-oregon, been around the stuff with those who smoke, here, around with those who smoke. i must be weird, its the only explaination they give me for hanging around me. . . ok? used to it. i dont smoke the stuff, never have, not my thing to find my area? love my beer though! in this heat, ya gotta find a mellow balance, an pass a pis# test, shucks! this guy is a insult to the true beer culture, dont let this goof stop ya from a cold one every once in awhile. good beer, with freinds, after a rough day, can cure all. cold beer after a rough day for you, an spouse, can give folks ability to vent, an after, get along an have a good time! a choice of drug depends on person, think about it? coffee, vitamins, food types, its all about us! this guy only needs his ##s kicked till tomorrow. abuse comes in substance, human, an thought. i love my doctor, but she still wont give ma a brain transplant, i just want to change my mind, thats all!”

That’s me for you, always going the extra mile to bring you the behind the scenes story.

No, i haven’t forgotten about the Mischa Barton Bar Fight!

Mischa Barton In (and a little 'out of') Dior

Celebrity Dregs

Nov 3: i Wanna Party With Kiefer Sutherland (And TMZ Says So Too) Keifer Sutherland took fellow cast members of 24 out for a drink, at 7 in the morning. Generous soul that he is, he paid the $500 tab himself and left a $200 tip. The party wrapped up at 1pm. The thing that gets me is that he was drinking with 30 people and the tab only comes to $17 per person after drinking for 6 hours. Either The Spot is a super cheap bar or the other members of 24 don’t know how to drink like Kiefer. Anyway, the next time Kiefer’s in The Bar None, i’ll give him the runs for his money.

Plus He Came With A Designated Driver! What A Guy!

Oct 31: A Drunk Hugh Grant Gets Shot Down Things didn’t work out so well for Hugh Grant Halloween weekend. He was photographed at the Standard Hotel in New York, drunk off his barstool. He was hitting on this cute Israeli model, Matar Cohen, who dropped him like a cheap drink because he was too old (he’s 49, she’s 23). Has he forgotten that the best way to get a sure connection is to pay for it? [Thanks to Miss Demeanor for bringing this to my attention. MWAH]

"You're So Sexy When You're Plastred."

We Wanna Party Like the HOFF Parties

Two, count ‘m TWO stories about the Bar None’s Patron Deity this past week. (He must be slowing down in his old age.)

Nov 4: Pissed-Hoff A Loser If you’re gonna drink and gamble, it’s best to do it in Canada. At least that’s what Play-Hoffs decided. Seems he went to the Cascade Casino in British Columbia and got in a fight with an old person (there’s one fight he knows he can win). Security was called and three guards escorted him off the premises. He was seen drinking again seven hours later.

Nov 5: Ich Ben Ein Boozer The above bender apparently continued, because the very next day and on a completely different continent, the Hoff was visibly buzzed while making a speech to Germans at The European Music Awards.

Click On Image To See For Yourself

Nov 3: Mischa Barton’s Bar Brawl

What Mischa Looks Out Of The Bar None

[The mugshot is from a December 2007 DUI bust in West Hollywood.]

Mischa was at this NYC bar called the Park Bar (and the Park Bar people are bumming that i already got the name The Bar None) looking hot because that’s what she does best. Then this guy comes up and throws his drink on her, and doesn’t even lick it off her afterwards! Apparently it was payback because Mischa had stepped on his toes while coming back from the bar. So she throws her drink at him! Auuggghhh! Alcohol abuse at its worst! And then one of Mischa’s friends whips out his cocktail weenie and waggles it at the guy. Yeah, that would scare me, too. So the guys go outside to fight and apparently the guy who started it all lost. If you ask me, though, the real losers are these people who go around casually dumping their alcohol when there are people sober in India. The only throwing you should do with alcohol is up.

Here’s what i mean about Mischa looking good because she has to:

Katt Williams arrested for burglary

Is this another sign of the recession, or is this the side affects of Katts’ rumored bi-polar disorder? You know what happens to some folks when they stop taking their meds…

Comedian Katt Williams was arrested Sunday night in Atlanta on charges of burglary and criminal trespassing. According to police authorities, Williams allegedly broke into a house and attempted to steal jewelry and other items.

Williams, whose real name is Micah S. Katt Williams, is known for his roles in the movies “Friday After Next” and “Norbit.” His comedy DVD, “Katt Williams: Pimpadelic,” was no. 8 in the nation for sales during the week of Oct. 30, according to Nielsen/VideoScan.

It’s not the comedian’s first brush with the law. A year ago cops found 3 guns in his car after Williams was pulled over for driving without a license plate. A couple years before that he was busted trying to sneak a gun onto an airplane.

Again…it’s the meds fault, not Katt’s.

 According to Coweta County Sheriff’s Office Major James Yarbrough, from a report he gave to the AP, a deputy at the Coweta County Jail confirmed Williams was being held there and that a magistrate was expected to set bond at an arraignment Monday afternoon.

Here is a quote directly from the AP report…

Yarbrough said the Sunday night incident happened at a home in Newman, about 38 miles southwest of Atlanta. Yarbrough said the unidentified homeowner called police around 9 p.m. to report the comedian “gained entry by breaking into the home, and items were taken from the residence.”

Yarbrough said police believe the entertainer was in Georgia working on a film.

A judge sentenced Williams to three years’ probation in 2006 after he pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor count of carrying a concealed firearm. Authorities had arrested Williams on Nov. 6 at Los Angeles International Airport after finding a gun in his briefcase.

Williams lives in Woodland Hills, Calif.

Williams is best known for his appearances in the Friday movies and for his Pimp Chronicles.

No bail has been set for this charge at press time.

I want to shout out Katt Williams and hope the best for you man.I have been thoroughly entertained by him, so I hope he can get it back on the one….

Click on this link to my favorite news source,TMZ.com…

http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/09/katt-williams-arrested-burglary-georgia/

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/mugshots/kattwilliamsmug1.html?link=rssfeed

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iX4EU1yniFcJCWk6cL3G5mmNUNkAD9BS3Q4O0

This here is not a game,
this here is our lives;
we can’t fuck this up,
we gotta get it right.

N(2D).