…and even less time than that if you consider the fact that the ROM will be one week before the Actual Day, on 23rd Jan 2010. (Really neat way for Mr. Panda to remember our anniversary: 0123. And if he misses that, he can still catch 30/1 which is likely to be his payday. If he doesn’t remember it, I am sure to.)

 We just spent a long weekend lazing about watching movie after movie. In between those islands of peace, I’ve had the occasional breakdown (two to be exact) thanks to my propensity to having panic attacks & my mother’s propensity to leaving everything to the last minute. Mr. Panda’s incurable, persistent ‘bochap-ness’ doesn’t help Bridezilla’s mental stability.

Guy only has ONE thing to manage which is to order & pay for his wedding band. Thanks to his giant finger size, he couldn’t get a wedding ring off the rack. We hounded about six different stores, and my giant furry friend whinged the entire time. (I’m rethinking the family plan. Who needs more kids when I’m already married to an oversized one?) The general reaction from the sales-people: “Hah! So big ah?! Where got ring so big one??” My general reaction to that general reaction is to snap ”Use more gold lah!” while La Panda hangs his big head in shame and hides the offending finger in his pocket.

Now Mr. Panda has his heart set on the Tiffany & Co. bezet band in yellow gold. The biggest size they go up to is US 13 which would be about Size 28 (Singapore). He is convinced he needs a Size 30 (Singapore) because he’s not used to wearing rings and wants maximum comfort (I suspect, the comfort that comes from having a too-loose ring slip off & disappear into the great wide unknown. Or so he thinks. He doesn’t know it yet but if he loses his ring, he’s going to have to get one tattooed onto his finger ) Now a size 30 Singapore would be about a US size 15. Wonderful. That means he can share it with the dog the next time she loses her collar.

To complicate matters, the Bezet is only 2.6 mm wide. That’s a ‘girl’ width. But he fancies it. So we’re talking about a really thin-looking ring with a really wide circumference. I must admit it looks really elegant on. But with a ring so thin & stretched such a distance on a finger the size of a sausage (the German variety), we really are risking some pretty serious wear & tear. Breakage, weird dints & bends, scratches, you name it. It still looks better than it would’ve had it been a thick, fat, wide band though. Those would make him look like ’Ah Long’  loan shark from Chinatown, especially if he decides to throw in a gold chain and grow his pinky fingernail.  *takes a moment to fight nausea over thoughts of revolting overgrown pinky nail*

 But anyway back to the Bezet. It takes 8 weeks to order the Size 13 from the US. That’s two months. And that means we are in danger of not having a wedding ring for the groom, come D-Day. 

When I found out, my entire face must’ve turned various interesting shades of purple before I inched my way to a couch so I could do a classic Victorian faint.

My penitent prospective panda-groom has now been advised that if he doesn’t want a little temporary barb-wire ringlet on his finger on that day, we will have to hit a few more stores in order to find him a jeweler who can be bribed, persuaded or scared into custom-making a proper wedding band in time for the wedding. No luck so far, everyone says ‘Two months mee-nee-mum!”

WHAT are we going to do??!

My own custom-made band should be ready by mid-December. It’s a curved/notched band (made to sit flush against my vintage engagement ring) with diamonds going all around it, and millgrain edging for that antique look I fancy. I tried to talk the makers of my band, Fairy’s Inc, into customizing one for Mr. Panda but sadly they said no. ” Two months mee-nee-mum.” (Actually Sandra doesn’t talk like that; she’s quite a good speaker, I must admit. But I love the uniquely Singaporean tang in the ‘mee-nee-mum’.)

 So now my choices are:

1. Order the Tiffany band anyway & hope it arrives before D-Day;

2. Continue my search for a jeweler who can do up his ring in 4 weeks instead of 8;

3. Put Mr. Panda’s finger on a diet;

4. Look in the tool-box for any nut or bolt that would fit his finger, at least as a stop-gap measure till his real ring gets here;

5. Modify the ring ceremony by tying a slim gold ribbon on his finger in lieu of the actual ring. And he can do the same for me! We’ll have the rings blest together later on and exchange them after the wedding. A bit of imperfection in the ceremony should add some charm & interest!

But what about my beautiful birds’ nest ring pillow I so painstakingly DIYed?? Haizzz.  

The moral of the story is this: Never send a man to do a Bridezilla-worthy job.

Well here I am again. It’s post lunch time and I have not much of a worry to bother about. The To-do list seems manageable and I doubt the boss will explode if I do not finish a thing or two.

I spent a whole afternoon yesterday watching porn. Well, it was porn of both types: gay and straight. On a lazy afternoon at home, I somehow always find myself ending up on xtube.com or gaytube.com or redtube.com or more recently, xvideos.com.

It’s rather easy to access such spurious pleasure online and all it takes is a click of a button and a hungry lusty appetite.

So, I landed up on xvideos.com this past Sunday. And oh! What a treat that Web site is. Erik Everhard performs with all his lust and sexuality in as many as seven or more videos uploaded in the straight section. And then there’s Pavel Novotny, Josh Weston, and several sexy hunks doing each other in the gay section.

Well, till the time I watched them fondle each other and feel every inch of naked skin, I was aroused. Yes, quite frankly, as the naked men and women felt each other and groped and licked and had sex, I was thrilled with my orgasm.

But once I was done, this familiar urge hit me to close the Web site at once. And so I did! It really seems stupid of me to behave so. After all, I was watching them gratifying each other and satisfying my voyeuristic behaviour as well. And it seemed quite selfish that I stopped their performances once I had climaxed and cleaned it all from my thighs and crotch.

Why? Why is it that I cut ties with lust and sexual acts so swiftly as if it were a crime to be associated with them? Probably – and this is what I think maybe the reason – it’s because ever since the time I can remember, sex has never been packed with approval into any of my conversations. It’s always this topic that has to be leered at and referred to indirectly.

Perhaps that may have built an impression of it being not right to be indulged in often. Yes, I know too much sex is not quite a recommendation for one’s well being, but you must know I hardly even have sex. So, I at least should allow myself to allow my eyes to accept the act and take it in and relish it.

Shunning it as if it were a barbarian about to ravage the land is not something I should be encouraging. Don’t you think so?

Tough times ahead for Alex Salmond, methinks. We won't be seeing too much of this in future...

This morning, on St. Andrew’s Day, Alex Salmond publishes a white paper laying out what his government would do, if only it could get the backing of the Scottish Parliament…

The Telegraph have called his blueprint “doomed” – and that’s probably right. The SNP will not get the necessary support to get the referendum plan through. The consequence of this is that we’re probably not going to see an independence vote before the next Scottish Parliamentary election, to be held in 2011.

Polling data suggests that support for independence is almost unchanged, roughly hovering between 20-30%, a lower figure than SNP support, suggesting that a large number of their voters simply picked them as the alternative government to Labour.

This is not how the SNP hoped it would work out. Upon their success of 2007, the big plan was to govern competently for two years, at which point they would have convinced enough people perhaps not of the needs of independence, but definitely that the Scots deserve the right of self-determination.

Unfortunately for them, no other Scottish party have chosen to play the game. Wee Wendy Alexander nearly did, but her deathbed conversion to the referendum cause was too little, too late. The Scottish Tories obviously want nothing to do with it.

Meanwhile, the Lib Dems have sort of toyed with the idea, but their latest leader is resolutely opposed. They’re worried that they may appear to be dancing to Alex Salmond’s tune.

But they are wrong. The Scots do have the right of self-determination. I accept that there is no clamour for a referendum, but that’s because people tend to be poor at compartmentalising things. People see support for a referendum as support for independence. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with asking people the question.

And where better for the Scottish Lib Dems – who are, let’s face it, in dire need of a little limelight – to be at the front of a public debate for the best part of a year. A year in which there will be a UK General Election.

It strikes me as a strategic blunder by Tavish Scott. Not only would he have gained the right to a little quid pro quo from Alex Salmond at some point – a favour to be cashed in – but, since the Tories and Labour had chosen to sit on their hands, the Lib Dems would have achieved all the publicity, and could have painted themselves as the true defenders of Scottish national interest, pushing for a federal UK.

But no. There will be no independence referendum. Not in this way anyway…

There does remain one last throw of the dice. A hung Parliament at the next election… the Tories pretty close to a majority… an SNP with at least 10 MPs… combining with a little Welsh nationalism… in exchange for…

Independence and more powers referendums in both countries.

It’s a long shot. But from all previous experience we know one thing.

Alex Salmond enjoys a gamble.

I have always been a great fan of the classified ad. Not the cars for the sale, or the lost pets (although who wouldn’t feel a sense of personal satisfaction at returning that roaming pit bull to their loving owner?).

No for me, the lure of the classified has always been in the tremendous opportunities for personal fulfillment so often offered therein. I recall being thrilled, even swayed, by the discovery in an Irish newspaper many years ago of a section headed ‘Vocations’. Generally these items went something along the lines of …..”The Little Sisters of the Hot Buttered Toast can offer a life of contemplation and eternal happiness. Only nice girls need apply“. Forgive me if that is not an entirely accurate reflection of what was on offer, but you get the drift.

I find the standard “bi-guy seeks hot couple for steamy afternoons” type ad rather repellant. And I must admit to an unfortunate experience some years ago while sharing a large terrace house when we advertised in all good faith …… “Five people sick of old friends, seek new ones”. Some of the applicants were downright inappropriate.

This is where India, yet again, provides an alternative that, on reflection, reeks of ancient wisdom and addresses so directly the concerns of so many modern parents. As regular readers of this blog would know, I am not one to dwell on my problems, but the possibility of a quest for a suitable partner for my increasingly problematic unmarried daughter has, of late, crossed my mind.

And it would seem many readers of this blog have harboured similar concerns if the stream of emails, and in the case of truly desperate parents, a question to Ask Macca is any indication of the depth of the problem.

Among the many the things I love about India are the ‘matrimonial‘ or even ‘matchmaking’ classified sections of various publications.

‘Beautiful educated match required for 28, Lubana Sikh male, cleanshaven. 5′ 7″. Caste no bar…….’

‘…..suitable alliance for a Hindu Punjabi boy 5′ 7″…………….looking for a girl from Hindu/Punjabi/Sikh respectable family, well educated, pretty, having family values…….’

Such ads tell much about Indian society. For a start, short boys rarely find partners without extraordinary measures. And perhaps more importantly, if you want something badly enough…..it pays to advertise.

When my own daughter, Little Lola was confined to bed in Goa for a day or two after carelessly neglecting to disinfect her hands before eating, I met a husband and wife who had arrived in town to meet a family they hoped had a son suitable for their daughter, who was not with them. They were surprisingly candid in their conversation, which thrilled me.

They had contacted the young man’s family through a connection who had a connection who had married off a son to a daughter. It had been a wonderful match, and after seeing photographs of the currently unmarried son on offer, and exchanging letters they decided in their case it was worth a personal visit. I am not sure of the etiquette of such a move, but I smelt desperation in this strategy.

I admired the parental love involved in their efforts. They told me their marriage had been an arranged one and that love had grown between then and endured.

My heart sank just a little for them when they showed me a photograph of their daughter who was living in the U.S. but who they assured me would return home as soon as they found that proverbial ’suitable boy’. She looked awfully like someone who would find her own match. Perhaps unwisely, I cautiously ventured that view.

The mother was particularly vehement that her daughter would be home at the first available opportunity to meet the match of her parents’ choice. I was about to protest that may not be so. And then it occurred to me……how do I know what she is likely to want or do?

Things happen in their own special way in India. And long may it be so.

I finished The Road, which I thought was a very good book. I didn’t think it was the most amazing book I’ve ever read, and oddly I can’t say I enjoyed it, because I didn’t. It was bleak as hell, and there were moments when I thought, “why am I reading this? And why is anyone even bothering to try and survive in this world he has created?” But I kept reading it because McCarthy is a good writer, and he created a story where I wanted to reach the end, I needed to know what happened. And, most importantly, I really liked the boy. I cared about the characters. Still, I was left not feeling the greatest. I hope to god that if the end of the world comes like that, that I don’t live through it because I could not figure out why anyone would want to.

As a writer, I’m talkin’ about myself here, I finish one short story and now I am suddenly a writer. I take what I can. Anyway, as a writer, I can’t but help asking questions about what I am working on as I am reading, and The Road really made me think about character. The book is basically just two people. The sentences are sparse and short, in fact, it is the descriptions of the place, and their bodies in the environment that fills a majority of the pages. I kept thinking of photos of holocaust victims, whenever the narrator would describe the scenes. Yet, it was the characters that made this book, it was why I kept reading. I started thinking about my characters. Even though I had not touched my novel in months I have been thinking about it. Wondering about the characters, wondering what is needed, what is the reason that the main character goes to Prague to find her friend, what is their link? So on, and well, it isn’t easy to write a novel. Hell it wasn’t easy to write a short story. I’m amazed at how often it feels that it is tossed around that people are just busting out novels left and right, and low and behold they are all best sellers. Maybe I’m just dumb, and it is only myself and Gore Vidal who think writing a novel is difficult.

I’ve been reading all this information on “how to write a novel,” I’m not sure why since I’ve already written it- all 85,730 words of it. Big deal right? No what I need is how to tackle a novel when revising. My problem is that I already think no one is going to be interested in the stupid story because it isn’t any good. I wonder why I keep working on it. I swear to god I really do. I’m not trying to beat myself up here, although that is exactly what I am doing, but if I were ever to become a famous writer and someone looked back at what I said about writing it would be a lot of, I have no idea why I keep writing. I really don’t. Fortunately I don’t write often so it isn’t as if Im torturing myself daily, well I am but- hey, I’m just that kinda gal. Speaking of torture, I went ahead and pulled out the novel today and worked on it for a couple of hours. I finished the ending. It has a beginning, middle and end. Done. So there you go. Art for art’s sake? Anyway, I’m going to try working on it again, for unknown reasons, and pick up a new book to read along the way. I’m still reading the brain books, but they can be a little dry, in between I’ll be reading, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn- and I’m so excited to read it.

Do you remember when we fell in love? Thanks, Busted, for getting it stuck in my head. It’s really hindering my thoughts from flowing through.

As I sit down to ponder over my personal statement, (sit down meaning 20 minutes concentrating before youtube and the telly taking over) I feel a subtle regression of my ability to do things. After sitting two days at home slouched on the couch, I know what it feels like to be a useless bum. Okay, so I lied to everyone about being busy. I am busy, just not as busy as I make myself sound out to be. The time alone at home would enable a little thought process, something which I enclosed with my last A’lvl paper.

Previously, I had everything mapped out in my mind, what to write down and how to sell myself, figuratively speaking. But as I stare at my notepad, the lines hypnotise and mess up into swirls. Do I really want this? To move away from everyone; to run away from everything I’ve grown to hate; to see another world which seems to be enticing for now? I don’t want it to be another regretful education period.

I thought I knew it all along. I swore I saw myself. Past tense.

you have etched yourself completely

in my thoughts

and affected all sensible motions

i never thought possible..

i am moved by your smile

your disposition

your genuineness

i am immersed by your gesture

your readiness to accommodate

all risk

i am deeply moved by you.

your simplicity has also helped us

to grow

& learn together

i guess

washing the window pane

amidst the occasional rain

is not that difficult after all.

An example of how we really do own our lives.

We were invited to our friend’s 25th Wedding Anniversary on Saturday, 21st November.

English pub

It was in a local pub and they had invited many friends, some of whom we had not seen for many years.

One friend had started his own architect business, built it up over the last 10 years and, although he had lost a large amount of work because of the recession, things seemed to be picking up.

I mentioned that my work had dropped off dramatically since the summer. He said:

Well, Jon. You can make your own mind up what you do. You can either decide you’re going to go bankrupt or you can decide that you’re going to succeed –  in spite of everything.

For some reason, that short conversation had a huge impact on me and I realised that it really is mind over matter and once we make our mind up about something, good or bad, it tends to happen.

By Jon Lavin

Well its not really a bad thing. All in all the car needs some work and most of the issues are just wear and tear. I kinda have been putting off working on the Saab and this is the end result. Not that I have been running it into the ground or anything. I have been doing my best to get various things fixed on it. Just lacking the money to balance it all out.  In addition to needing a CPS (crank position sensor), a waterpump, radiator are needed as well as a few bits here and there. =) $50 says that the week when I don’t have a car is when I will get all the calls for job interviews;  watch.

I wish it were this kind of a break (photo from from a summer outing in Baja California’s Guadalupe Valley). But no – I need to finish up my final project for my final master’s class at USC and that looming deadline has kept me from updating this blog lately. I will, however, be responding to messages left on this blog, and I will return to blogging in about a week…Thanks for your patience!

It’s been rainy lately, which got me thinking.  We are going to have to replant the plapiti again, and you know how soggy they get after it rains.

… It’s late.  School is back with a vengeance.  I’m tired.  On the plus side I might get a netbook.  Buh.

Listening to: In Our Talons, Bowerbirds

Totally not playing: http://reflect.martincrownover.com/games/evolites/index.php
(Although it does seem to be inexplicably running in the background.  Hm.)

I’m really looking forward to December this year.  November has been a very tough month.  It also means that I can put up a christmas tree which I’ve always loved doing.  The only thing is how am I going to get a tree and what kind.  I don’t have a car so whatever I get will have to be small.  I would ideally like a live tree in a pot so I can reuse it for years to come, which means somehow getting to a garden centre and back again, hmmm…I need lights too, that’s a little easier though.  I’ve made bead and wire decorations in the past-stars and angels-so I think I’ll make more this year.

I am Korean American is a project where you can submit a pic and paragraph about you are as a korean-american.  If someone wanted me to put into words, one paragraph of who I am or who I am in the context of being a korean-american, I don’t know what I’d say…there is a mommy blogger on this project I follow and like.  She grew up pentecostal christian, no longer is practicing and is very liberal.  I find her hilarious to say the least.  She is the programmer, mommy blogger if you want to look her up.

I am thinking about submitting and it seems you submit and they put you on here.  No selection criteria.  Interesting….

It’s Sunday evening and for many people this is the last day of the Thanksgiving holiday and tomorrow is back to work day.  Roughly 10% of Americans don’t have a job and Monday signals another week of searching for one.  From Thanksgiving until the start of the new year no employer really wants to talk or hire you.  I am one of those Americans out there seeking the next chapter in my career and I’m not going to the office in the morning.

When you are trying to stretch the budget as far as possible you really don’t like those ads that show pretty people in pretty items doing pretty things for a pretty holiday that used to be about faith but now is about spending money you may, or may not, have for gifts.

There are lists for what to get the person who has everything – a Lear jet, matching Louis Vuitton luggage,  dazzling large gemstones set in platinum. gold toilet seats and so forth.  What I haven’t seen this year is the list of what to get the people who don’t have everything including a job.  So I offer up my list of what to get the people who don’t have everything including a job.

LIST OF GIFTS FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T HAVE JOBS:

1.  Large denominations of cash.  Why do people think cash is crass?  It fits every body size and shape and pocketbook and no denomination is too big.  Remember to give cash gracefully, that’s the part where good manners come in.

2.  Gift cards for groceries.  Food is good, empty stomach not good and once again… think as big a number as you can live with.  During a bad week $5 is just as critical as $500 is on another week.  Gift cards can help with those items that food programs don’t typically allow — we all need toilet paper.

3.  A personal letter of recommendation.  This item moves up to number one if done eloquently.  Not only will it help the job seeker feel better, it could help them find a new employer.  There’s plenty of information about writing a great letter of reference on the Internet if you need some assistance with the composition.

4.  A tune-up for their car.  Changing the oil can get lost when making the choice about what’s more important — formula for junior or automotive upkeep?  There are a ton of Jiffy Lubes,  Oil Can Henry’s, or similar franchises, that could use the business.

5.  Gas.  I’m not talking about the kind you have on Friday after Thanksgiving, it’s the petroleum product I am writing about.  Many brands now have gift cards and a full tank is a good investment in your loved one.

6.  Dinner.  If your loved one has been out of work for a while it’s a good bet that the entertainment budget is a package of microwave popcorn and Saturday night television.  Make sure that there’s enough funds so that it will include a tip and a martini or two along with dinner.  Doesn’t have to be Chez Expensive, but please think Chez Tasty Food when selecting a restaurant.

7.  Babysitting.  Need I say more?

8.  Dry Cleaning.  There’s something about how great a shirt looks with just a little starch.  Men and women have that “look” that fits the work they are seeking.  If they would wear a suit to the office that they are seeing to work in then dry cleaning is a big help along the way.  Volunteer to wash and iron their interview shirts/blouses for a week if dry cleaning isn’t quite right.

9.  Haircut and Color.  Haircuts become less frequent and roots get a little longer.  When you look the mirror with a fresh new hairstyle it can make you feel like a millions bucks and it shows when you walk in the room for an interview.  Styles change and an updated look is good for everyone (men get color too you know).  Include the tip.

10.  Something fun.  Life gets serious fast when you look for a work and the news has nothing to share but gloomy numbers.  Tickets to a concert, make your own root-beer kit, radio controlled truck, a flashy sequined purse.  It’s not the gift that counts, it’s remembering the human struggle and doing something about it for the person you love.

And now, my DO NOT GIVE THEM LIST:

1.  Advice.  Do not give them advice.  You can offer to help with their resume, keep your ear open and forward valid   work opportunities but if it resembles advice in any way KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

Any phrase that includes you “should, could, would, ought to and/or if I were you.”  We are in the middle of the worst economic times since 1929.  These days looking for a new career can be devastating and no person wants, or needs, to hear those depressing words.  Unless you are in the same boat you are not going to understand the challenges that so many American are facing as the year comes to a close.

2.  See rule #1 of things not to do or say.  Repeat until there are ten items on this list.

It’s Sunday evening and the quiet has come to the household.  My holiday included a visit with my 90 year old mother who recognized me — that alone made it a good holiday but that’s not all.  I saw my sister and her grandchildren.  I also saw my baby brother who is no baby but I get a kick out of having a six foot-four inch brother “baby.”

I ate dinner with my nuclear family where the menu included oyster dressing (thank you Rebecca) and we all laughed, ate, remembered when and told stories about each other.  We drank to pacemakers keeping a sister alive and feeling better.  Fresh from the Culinary Institute of America baking program in Napa, California, my niece Kira created a wide array of tasty desserts.

The rest of the weekend involved working in the studio with a friend who is a LMT that travels from Corvallis to Portland to do her glass art work.  This weekend I was gifted with the best foot massage ever (thank you Josandra).  John and I baked pies.  Sure we’d both like to have an office to go to tomorrow but our life stories are in another chapter and we are working on something new for our futures.  And, whatever it is, it’s going to be good.

And the most fun of the weekend has been watching the cats go crazy with fresh catnip… but that’s the next story.

Trying to reconcile religion to science may never happen in this world.  But to me the scientists of this world haven’t asked any questions different than their seeming religious counter parts.  They have asked the same question.  What is going on here?  Why am I here?  How did we get here? What is the truth? (or the more modern… What the ___?)  They are all the same.  Simple truth is enough for most it seems.

But this about that pesky time-line business of course.  That is, that texts that are considered Holy, don’t always seem to stand up to so called scientific scrutiny.

Yet timeliness don’t have to line up EXACTLY in order for things to reconcile or to be useful to us.  Just as “scientists” are certain to find God in their own way and time … if God is Omnipresent that is… as most religions agree I think. (who can fail to find what is everywhere and the only absolute thing there is then?)   Even certain evolutionary timeliness don’t add up EXACTLY though, there are gaps and approximations.  That is why it is generally considered acceptable (and perhaps wise), good and useful science to make general references to time. i.e. “Fossil plants and vertebrates in the Chilga Beds date from 26.7 million to 28.1 million years ago.”

I don’t know about you but I think we should all agree to start referencing our checking account balances in the same way. (my balance is 2 to 3 million or so, somewhere in there….)   In the same way, how might many of the religious texts reconcile to scientific time-lines, if we thought in terms of +/- 2 million years?  (or with each other for that matter)  It seems most religious texts line up quite nicely … within 2-3 million years.  If it is good science for fossils, why couldn’t it work for time-lines like this, or our checkbooks for that matter? Seriously … even if it sounds sarcastic or impractical.  Just think about it…. give or take a million or two years, what’s the big deal?

Do we really need an EXACT date on the birth of fossils in Chilga?  Or is within a few million years “close enough for practical and useful purposes.”  If it is helpful to know, these fossils are accurately dated within 2 million years or so.  Wouldn’t it also make sense to we could gain a usefulness from recognizing, that most religious texts can be said, to be within 2 million years of being dated accurately? (AND correlating perfectly with each other. +/-  1 mill. years)  How many disagreements vanish with a simple shift in perception like this?  What we can find to be useful, isn’t always the most precise, when we go by the numbers in this world.  But its usefulness to us, or what it makes available, is precisely why we choose to use it.

In three weeks, I will be sitting for three Finals. Or midterms, whatever you wish to call them. And I am so psyched for this mess to be over. Not just the mess on my desk of work needing to be done, clothes needing to be tucked into drawers, books needing to be read, letters needing to be written, and bottles needing to be watched. I’m talking about the mess of in my mind and the people around me. Life is messy. Entropy. I know. But still, in the seemingly innate struggle for chaos, I want to find order. And I’m absolutely certain that by now, there is no order, until I take the time to organize everything back into their shelves. The unwanted things pushed to the back, and the wanted things in the middle, and the URGENT! NEED TO FIX NOW things in the front.

Everything is in the front right now. Absolutely everything. And I’m sick of wading through this marsh of foolishness. I’m over high school and the dumb drama that comes with teenage, hormonal, sex-driven minds.

There are thoughts that need to be said. And thoughts that need to be heard. I think I’ve said all the words that need to be said. I think it’s your turn to start listening, because sometimes, I’m not joking. When my lips don’t part in a smile, and my eyes can’t meet yours, I’m not joking. Sometimes, things are serious. And when they are, it’s best that you stop smirking like everyone cares, because when the time comes that things are serious, and you’re the only one smiling, no one will care.

This Thanksgiving Break has given me the gift of breathing amidst piles of shit. And it didn’t smell as bad as it usually does.

…or is that a typo?  Is it the 1st century?:   Uganda proposes death penalty for HIV positive gays.

Oh, hey guys.

So. Guess what!

Yeah! You’re right! I finished that book I was writing for National Novel Writing Month! I know! Ahhh! Ahhhhh! Ah!

Yes. It’s got a title. And chapters. And some words. Around 50,000 of those, actually.

So, needless to say, I’m brimming with the inevitable happiness that one would have when confronted with the fact that they have challenged themselves to following a dream and coming through in the end a victor.

I’m ecstatic.

I want to show everyone.

It’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done ever.

So, hopefully, I’ll be blogging more often and coherently. Look forward to it. I’m going to start putting effort in! Ahhhh! Effort! Ahhhh!

I’m tired. I’m in Chicago. I’m listening to Andrew Bird. I ate Thanksgiving food. Christmas is here. My window is decorated. And it’s almost finals week!

Let’s do this!