I’m back in Iowa for Christmas. And for my birthday. In two days I will be 27. When I woke up this morning, at 11:30AM mind you, I very much felt like I was 17.  I woke up in my old room and I ate the breakfast of my highschool and college years . . .strawberry poptarts (toasted just right!) and good ol’ coffee.

Oh and did I mention that yesterday I woke up at 12:45PM? I’m not depressed. Don’t worry. The truth is that I think being back here in Iowa . .away from AZ and my current life . .  I’ve fallen into the “out of sight, out of mind” syndrome. I’m finally able to sleep. Relax. Shut my mind off. And my body . . .  .is just soaking it all up.

A lot has happened during 2009.  Stuff that I will write about in a future post.  As I reflect back in preparation for my future post,  I’m amazed at how it didn’t turn as I had imagined. It turned out to be better. Even Harder. Yet Lighter. And at times Brighter.  Other times, Darker than I ever thought possible.  But chock full of lessons, love, laughter, and life.

So, I’m going to be 27. I know that sounds young to ya’ll years older than me, but the truth of it . . .is that I finally feel as if I’ve come alive. Confident in who I am. I know I should be grateful that at 27 . . here I am . .instead of 37 or 47 and I don’t regret the past 7 years of my 20’s . .I truly don’t.  Those years brought me to today. And I’m grateful for today.

Stay tuned to my future post . .  2009, the 26th year of my life. Summarized.

Happy Holidays!!!

Brendan got me the Avett Brothers’ CD for Christmas. The one I’ve been longing for since it came out on September 29th.

I’m listening to it now in Mrs. Propp’s room, and I probably won’t stop listening to it until I know every beat, word, and tune to every song. This is my December and January music. A little melancholy and a little rockin’, a little vivid and a little sad. These boys really know how to sing to my heart, even if they don’t know me.

I know I’ve been really stressed and working (all the time) as of late. I remember when a melodic line of Avett would send that stress flying back where it came from.

I’m sitting here tense and headachy and sore and listening to the Avett Brothers. My heart’s still crying because I miss summer (still), but I understand now that it’s gone. And it will be back soon enough, and bring a new fresh vital wave of change. I should be enjoying the time here, the time now. Shouldn’t I?

I hope the Avetts will help me change. Help me to accept that it’s never going to be June, July, August 2009, ever again. Those are days I can’t get back, and I don’t want these to be bland and fraught with sadness: I can’t get back this December, either.

It’s so hard to live.

Hari Sabtu kemarin, aku mengambil raport anakku. Seperti yang sudah kuduga, anakku pasti bermasalah dalam hal sosialisasi. Kata gurunya, anakku masih sering menangis bila ada hal yang dibutuhkannya sedangkan dia tidak mampu melakukannya sekaligus tidak berani minta tolong kepada guru atau temannya. Persoalan ini sebenarnya sudah sangat klasik buat anakku. Dia sudah lama bersekolah disana, tetapi masih saja belum merasa nyaman dengan guru dan teman-temannya. Yang aku takutkan, bila kelak dia dewasa, berumur 23 atau 24 tahun, kemudian di dalam hati dia bertanya, “Kemana ibuku ketika aku mengalami kesulitan bergaul pada masa itu?”

Aku pernah mengikutkan anakku pada sebuah psikotes, dan Alhamdulillah hasilnya normal. Mungkin memang anakku lah yang bertipe pemalu dan jago kandang saja. Agak mirip dengan pengalaman anakku, di waktu SD dulu, aku selalu ditindas oleh teman-temanku. Aku selalu disuruh-suruh untuk beli ini itu di warung sebelah sekolah. Mereka selalu mengancam tidak akan mengajakku bermain bila aku tidak mengikuti apa yang mereka perintahkan. Maka akupun terpaksa mengikuti apa yang mereka mau.

Sewaktu SMP, aku juga masih mengalami kesulitan berteman. Kali ini bukan karena sikap teman-teman yang suka menindas, tapi lebih karena rasa ketidakpercayaan diriku karena aku berasal dari pelosok desa. Setiap aku berangkat sekolah aku selalu merasa was-was, takut tidak diterima oleh teman-teman, takut tidak nyambung dengan topik pembicaraan mereka, dll. Tapi biasanya ke-kuper-an selalu dibarengi dengan prestasi akademik yang bagus. Dan itulah aku.

Masa remajaku menjadi lebih berat ketika memasuki SMU. Aku harus menghadapi gejolak hormonal seiring tibanya masa akil baligh, sekaligus mengatasi rasa minderku yang belum juga pulih. Teman SMU ku tidak banyak dan sangat terbatas. Aku tak pernah main ke kelas lain, waktu istirahat selalu aku habiskan di kelas saja. Makanya kalau ada teman SMU yang me-request friend di FB aku sering tidak ingat dengan mereka. Aku jadi ingat cerita di novel Olenka-nya Budi Darma. Ada seorang tokohnya yang sampai-sampai harus mengaku bisu tuli agar tidak diajak bercakap-cakap oleh orang karena dia tidak merasa nyaman mengobrol dengan orang.

Aku baru merasa nyaman bergaul ketika aku hijrah ke Bandung. Aku seolah merasa terlahir kembali. Walaupun aku tidak masuk jurusan favorit di ITB, tapi aku tak pernah minder. Biar bodoh asal sombong lah pokoknya…hehe. Mungkin karena di Bandung tak ada yang tahu asal-usulku, tak ada yang tahu sejelek apa rumahku di kampung, tidak ada yang tahu aku tak pernah nonton TV, dll. Padahal, aku dan teman-teman kuliah lebih sering saling berolok-olok dibandingkan dengan teman-teman SMU ku, tapi aku merasa lebih nyaman bersama mereka. Bahkan, pernah seorang teman dari jurusan lain menobatkanku sebagai “perempuan dengan cara berbusana terburuk se-fakultas”, aku tidak menjadi minder karenanya. (Di fakultasku ada 200 mahasiswa, dengan 17 orang mahasiswa putri. Jadi aku hanya menjadi yang terburuk dari 17 orang saja. Untung saja mahasiswa putrinya cuma 17, coba kalau 100, maka aku jadi yang ke-100 deh…:D)

Masa kecil dan masa remaja itu tak selalu dilalui dengan mudah oleh setiap orang. Masa ketika pencarian jati diri harus berbenturan dengan keinginan dan harapan orangtua. Masa ketika kita harus belajar bepergian sendirian padahal diluar sana banyak preman-preman di terminal atau tempat-tempat lainnya. Masa ketika harus menghabiskan waktu bersama teman-teman yang tidak benar-benar kita kenal dalam ruang kelas dari pagi sampai sore (Kita sebenarnya memang tidak perlu kok benar-benar mengenal orang lain hanya agar bisa diterima/menerima mereka. Apa sih ukuran ‘benar-benar’ itu sendiri?). Dan masa ketika eksistensi diri menuntut untuk dinyatakan. Maka kecemasan akan diremehkan, dianggap pecundang dan pengecut oleh teman tumbuh begitu subur disana. Sehingga keyakinan bahwa tidak semua orang membenci kita, tidak semua orang berniat jahat kepada kita, menjadi kian terkikis dan mati.

Sampai sekarangpun aku tak pernah yakin ada orang yang benar-benar menyayangiku. Yang kurasakan hanyalah bahwa setiap orang mencintai dirinya sendiri. Hingga ketika aku menikah, dan semua itu menjadi tidak penting lagi. Toh, aku tetap hidup, dengan ataupun tanpa kasih sayang orang lain. Maka akupun mulai belajar mencintai diriku sendiri saja, belajar menerima diriku apa adanya dengan segala kelebihan dan kekuranganku.

Aku hanya bisa berdoa untuk anakku, semoga dia tidak mengalami kesulitan pergaulan seperti emaknya ini. Semoga dia bisa membahagiakan dirinya sendiri tanpa tergantung kepada orang lain. Semoga dia cukup kuat menghadapi badai ‘pencarian identitas diri’ yang seringkali pedih tapi mau tak mau harus dia lewati. Aku tak mengharapkan apa-apa dari mereka kecuali kebahagiaan mereka, dengan definisi kebahagiaan yang mereka inginkan. Semoga aku bisa menjadi ibu yang baik bagi mereka sehingga pertanyaan, “Kemana ibuku ketika itu?” tidak pernah muncul dihati anak-anakku.

When I woke up this morning, I told my brother to be quiet because he is very noisy.  After I washed my face and brush my teeth, I open my computer and  download new songs and transfer it to my PSP. And after that, my friends call me and tell that they want to hang up with me and my other friends. Because it is Christmas Season, they want to set up a 99 bottles of beer on the wall like we did last year.

Send Chrissy to school in the morning, had breakfast at the nearby coffeshop, walked my dog, swam 10 laps at the pool, bathe my dog , cooked lunch and its time to go bring Chrissy home now.

Never felt so efficient for a long long long time.

My Hunny Bunny I guess trying to be a rat xD
Anywho.
Today is a chill day. People tried to wake me up. I tried waking myself up. Doesn’t work >.<
I think I can only get up if I know I absolutely have to. lol

So today is just a study day.
Though I think tomorrow will be a cool day. I may go see the squeakqual. I need it too! From being cooped up in my room the past 2 days.
Though being ‘grounded’ isn’t as bad as you’d think xD
Well maybe its bad for those people who go party out alot or want a social life? lol.

Rawr. I realy really really really realllly want to cosplay.
After watching some Miku videos. Rawr. I need to get things done!
But I have time for that… after my San Fran trip. I have… two weeks before ALA?
*Checks calender*
I’m wrong. less than 2 weeks. Like a week and a few days.
OH CRAP!
T.T
TT.TT
Whatever! Gets me going right? lol!
If anything my Miku project might not get done. But Sakura HAS to be done. As well as Ciel >.<;;

So Hopefully I’ll be able to update in a good timely matter tomorrow. I get tog et outta the house finally!!

–Kimiko–

As I have mentioned before in my Blogs the moving to membership sites within your niche is a great way to move your business forward. If the membership site is successful you may gain extra revenue from selling advertising space, promoting related affiliate products to your members, selling your own products & services, all in addition to charging for membership thus giving you a range of revenue streams.

As the demand for membership sites grows so does the desire to have something different, if you look at Facebook, Twitter, Digg, Squidoo, Linked In etc they are all offering something different to their social networking members.  People are not just looking for social networking sites, I myself am a member of several membership sites where I source information that is key to my business and keeps  me up to date with information on the niches in which I work.

If you are contemplating a membership site for your business then I have two quick things for you…

1) Top 10 Membership Models Video

You can watch this great video that outlines 10 of the most popular kinds of membership sites (and some of them don’t even have content inside!). It’s available online here.  Bring together people from within your target market into your own membership site, then you know where to market your products and services to them, find out what their needs are and ensure you are providing what they want.  Conduct surveys, ask for reviews and comments on your products, find out what problems they have so you can meet their requirements.  Provide a good membership site and you will find your members more than willing to recommend it to others, how else did the likes of Facebook, Linked In, Twitter and all the other social networks grow?

2) Recommended Solution

Chances are, if you watch the video you will have a lot of ideas as far as creating your own membership site (especially when you see the examples of the “non-traditional” membership sites.  So with that in mind, I wanted to save you some time and share the resource I recommend the most: Wishlist Products.  I truly believe that the Wishlist Membership Products are by far the best solution for creating a membership site and there are even 30+ videos available for free showing you how it’s being used.  One of the things I love most about the Wishlist Membership is that it works with WordPress and is so easy to use that a newbie could get their membership site up and running in no time.

Enjoy!

Aly

P.S Why are the holidays a good time to work on a membership site? Because SO many people make “resolutions” to improve themselves…  so that are already looking for information! Get your site up and capitalize on the extra excitement.

Make Yourself Different

Additionally, you should check out other membership sites that cater to that target market. See what qualities and features they have that members of that target market want to see in such a site, as well as notice what is missing from …

Paid Membership Sites

Membership sites can be a great way to increase the profits of your business and boost your credibility and reputation in your industry or niche. There are many Internet marketers who are making sizable profits from multiple membership …

Setting Up A Membership Site: Vital Factors To Consider

Most paid membership sites charge a monthly fee. But you can set up a system where you offer a free or reduced price ‘trial’ for a membership site, to give new members a chance to check it out before they commit to a fixed monthly …

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• A great time to get your membership site going as new resolutions are made. (geordie-coach.com)
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AAAAaaaarrrrrggh!

I purchased my new Jaguar XF in June of this year.  Previously I had a Jaguar X-Type.  I love my cars and they are my pride and joy.  I dont drink, smoke or have expensive lifestyle so my car is my luxury item.  Much as love the car to bits it really frustrates me as to how useless it is in the snow.

I took my daughter to school on Friday morning and as I drove very carefully at the end of the road it went into a big skid, thankfully I was able to recover control and it didnt collide with anything.  I had to crawl the remainder of the way.

On Saturday I took George to see Mamma Mia at the Arena in Newcastle.  When we came out I called my hubby for a lift however he was stuck in Whickham in my XF Jaguar in the snow.  OK so the snow was heavy in Newcastle on Saturday.  I thought I would never get a taxi as the snow was lying on the streets of Newcastle City Centre and building up there were not many vehicles around.  Thankfully I managed to get a taxi however as we asked him to detour to Whickham Highway to pick up my hubby he was unable to get up Dunston Bank due to the other abandoned vehicles and a bus was stuck on the hill in the snow.

The taxi detoured along Clavering Road and had to struggle up Swalwell Bank.  I could see a number of cars had been abandoned on the way down the hill as they couldnt cope in the snowy weather conditions.  Hubby had decided to do his best to get the XF going and try to get it home.  Thankfully he managed to get back, beating the taxi that was stuck in the traffic up Swalwell bank.

Police officers were controlling traffic at the corner of Fellside Road and Swalwell Bank stopping traffic going down the latter.  I didnt envy their job, it must have been freezing cold and a nightmare task controlling all the vehicles especially as visibility was poor.  I think the key issue was that the roads had not been cleared or gritted.

I left the XF over the weekend but struggled to get it off the driveway on Monday to take George to school and it got stuck in the snow yesterday when I visited my parents.  I thought it would have to be abandoned until the weather cleared.

Now some people have said to me that it is cos the XF is an automatic, others that it is a rear wheel drive.  Whatever the problem it is clear that having a beautiful car is no good if it doesnt do the job.  When the weather is bad I need to know that I am safe and secure in my vehicle.  Having said that thankfully the number of days in which we have snow is minimal.

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Hehe.
Yes!

Got another sticker to my collection xD
I dunno why I get them. but the one on the left is funny to me xD
I dunno if its so noticable but it looks like they took the body from an anime character and stuck on a cow’s head.
So I was happy when I get that one~ ^-^;;

Just as an update on my studying…
I’m getting more confident. My last test of 200 questions I got 80%.
Not good enough yet! I need 90% to be satisfied. Then I have a 20% leeway…
I’m now trying to finish up another 200. If I do this by today I’d have done…
500 questions! My goal ^-^
That’s progress! Cause seriously… I’ve been stuck in my room the whole day!
But I don’t even wanna get out xD
I have snacks… water. Snacks. my lappy! And music ^-^
Oh and people to occasionally talk to. lol~

Thanks for your support everyone ^-^ <3

–Kimiko–

My two snacks for my ubersome studying day.
Which I have barely left my room. Cause I’m studying in here.
And endless playlist of songs in the background. Warmness. And the TWO snacks to satisfy me ^-^

I actually got my sister’s hope up on one thhing…
Ginger bread house -.-
I said..
If I think I did well on the test I’ll go out and buy one of those kits to make a Gingerbread house (RE.. house.. get it? xD That’s gonna be saved for next year’s christmas post card! xD)
And so she’s really happy about that. Thus making sure I study.
I guess its a give return kinda thing. It’s for my own good.
And then… now I’m still double tasking stuff. oh!

Just for Kasuki:
I bought the wig. Happy? xD
Hopefully it’ll come in by Christmas. I want it to be here before I go to San Fran. Just to make sure it gets here.
Which the other thing I bought on eBay still hasn’t come in yet >.>
I realized its because its from Hong Kong! Tsk tsk. Why T.T Free shipping thats why >.>
Oh well. I give it another week or so to get here. I’m not in desperate need of it but before ALA is the best xD;;

Annnd…. nothing much else. off to studying again!

–Kimiko–

haha~ celebrate my 17th birthday simply with a slice of birthday cake…
although this tear my daddy wan buy present for me but … sorry dad.. i think i have a lot of things from u ady.. so i din aask anything this year..but ..daddy.. i will ask for more ..next year..hahaha..
i cnt even think out what to ask this year bcoz realli tired just back from camping so..haha.. next year i will ask more and more and more..haha..
this tear u ady said u wan to buy me a car ady so … thank you dad..and oso mummy..lovu u all!!!!!

It’s so early, but it’s the same time I’m normally awake.

I’m staying at school again until eight. When is this going to end? What am I going to do when it does?

Go crazy, probably.

I’m sore from yesterday. Hours and hours of walking in the mall; arriving home just in time to clean stalls. My shoulder ache.

I went skating on the pond afterward, though. That’s the best kind of sore.

Flying over ice (no matter how ungracefully) is one of my favorite things to do. I only wiped out twice, I think. Ha.

And now I need to get moving and try to stuff all my materials in a bag and leap out the door in time.

Here goes yet another Monday, rushing by in a dizzy haze. Yet another Monday I’ll struggle to live in the moment because I’m constantly focused on the future.

Yet another Monday I’ll hope with all my might isn’t a waste.

So today was my mom’s Christmas party!
I say my mom’s because… well our cousins that were suppose to come already had plans. And we planned out this gathering a bit too late >.<
But it was all good~
Got cupcakes! Lol xD That made my day. Thanks ^-^

Went to see Candycane lane. So many pretty lights! like:

Yep. And cupcakes… <3 lol xDDD

Now it’s about… 12:30 ish. So this post is a bit late. technically not the 20th anymore. But… whatever xD
I’m working on studying RE. Easier for me to study at night when everyone’s asleep and its really quiet. And I can concentrate ^-^;;

Thats about it… gonna go through with my test! I made up my mind xd

–Kimiko–