Today marks the Boy’s 4-weeks-old day.  Y’all can take a guess at what I’m thankful for.

It’s been an amazingly short and mind-numbingly long 4 weeks.  The amazing is him, obviously.  He’s beautiful (and that’s not just my opinion, everyone sees him and calls him “gorgeous”) and he is going to be a big strong boy very soon.  Big blue eyes still, no telling what color they’ll end up, but right now he will have his head on swivel and those eyes looking around for noises and lights and what-was-that?  He’s gaining weight according to my upper back muscles and our apparently very sucky scale.  We think he’s up to around 10 lb already — piglet!  He’s already developing a personality of his own too; he seems to take very much after his mom and dad in temperment.  Laid back and happy 90% of the time and screaming meme mad that last 10%.  He does NOT like dirty diapers and will wake up screaming in the middle of a nap if he soils one.  He’s not big on the naked time, which I don’t blame him because we keep the house chilly, and has hated every bath he’s taken so far.  He’s still not awake much of the time, usually falls to sleep nursing or right after when we put him in the bouncy chair with the vibrating butt.  Except for the 8-11 pm time frame, which is apparently party time even though we’re trying to wind down and sleep.  He’ll usually sleep with us in our bed with no problem, and will go down in his bassinet or crib pretty easily after the 3 am-ish feeding and again at 6.  I can’t tell you how many times he finishes nursing and I just let him sleep beside me on the couch or just sit there and hold him, his tiny little body a weight on my chest, fists curled up and secure in my arms.  Manly says I hold him too much, but I can’t help it.  We spent so long trying to get to this point, and I am going to soak up every little minute of it that I can. 

The mind-numbing is also him.  Because although it’s been 4 weeks, it’s been 4 weeks broken up into roughly 3-hour stretches.  He eats for ~45 minutes, then I have about 2 hours to eat, shower, sleep, do laundry, facebook, whatever.  But as I’m sure many of you know and the rest of you can understand, 2 hour stretches do not a very enjoyable life make.  The sleep is the worst part; I just never get into that deep sleep where your body can recover.  I’ve gotten TWO blissful 4 1/2 hour stretches and I never understood until then how wonderful four full hours of sleep can feel.  The rest of the mind-numbing is just the monotony of caretaking for an infant.  I’m not built to be a SAHM, and I was pretty sure of that before, but now I know.  I just feel … useless sometimes.  I want to DO things, but there’s just not enough time between feedings to be productive at anything.  I’ve been writing his birth story two sentences at a time for the last month, and I’ve been working on this post for 4 days. 

I guess all of this is a long way of saying that we’re doing absolutely fine, and life with an infant is exactly like everyone else’s life with an infant.  I love him uncontrollably, and so does his father, and I love both of them together even more than I love them individually.  And today, of all days, my heart goes out in gratitude to all of you who have walked this journey with me to get here.

Video provided by Sean Buban on youtube svhrcks5150

Here is a nice song written and sung by Sean Buban.

Sean likes to spend hours in his studio writing up new songs and recording them for his youtube viewers.

I often wonder how long it takes to write a song?

I’ve written a few myself, usually within an hour I’ll have the lyrics done.

The composing of the music can take much longer, unless you already have a tune running through your head.

Today I was looking up KEYWORDS on GOOGLE.

It said to put the name of the song first then the artist in your title, tags and content.

I guess Google’s webcrawlers and spiderbots pick it up faster that way?

So I’m trying it out to see if it works.

Here Sean takes his song I Belong to You and put it’s with a Star Trek video that he’s made up.

I checked my L.L. Bean schedule for the next couple of weeks.  I am working six days straight, one day off, then four days. OUCH!  What makes it painful is that my out time is MIDNIGHT, and I have to be at work at 5:30am, or “oh-dark-hundred”, for eight hours.  I did the math and discovered I could make beaucoup bucks but I would be seriously compromising my sleep.  The last thing I need is to do the Walking Zombie through the next three weeks.  I could have some fun for Christmas with that money.  I’m thinking about buying a Wii for the kids’ Christmas gift, and that money would go a long way towards that.

I’m not sure how I am spending the Thanksgiving holiday.  I do know how my day will start:  up at 3:30am at the warehouse.  The folks at The Big City Hospital want all their supplies early so they can leave before noon.  That means my little band of church mice have to get up even EARLIER to process orders.  I should be home before 11am.  I’m not sure what I’ll do for dinner.  My kids are with their mother, and they’ll be spending Thanksgiving with her sister’s family.  Maybe, if it’s not raining, I’ll make a turkey sandwich and head to the beach.

Today, however, I will be cooking my famous Trash Can Turkey. The Ex- asked me if I would cook it for her. I’ve done this several times and it’s a fun way to cook a turkey.  It’s amazing what can be done with a clean, unused aluminum trash can, a large bag of charcoal, heavy-duty foil and a wooden garden stake.  The cook time is under two hours and the bird is fall-off-the-bone moist.  YUM!  The Ex- is springing for all the supplies.  All I need to do is cook it and take home some meat at the end.

If I’m not able to write in the next couple of days, don’t worry.  In the interum, I want to wish you all….

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I am truly blessed to have this outlet to write and work out the bugs in my life.  I am thankful for the people who take the time to pay a visit now and then.  Although I don’t write for you, I am glad you are a part of this.  I am also thankful for the people closest to my heart.  These people have helped me in immeasurable ways, and I am thankful beyond words for them.  You know who you are.

Thanks for being there for me! <3 <3

Nu stiu de unde a aparut Borys.La prima impresie clipul nu imi inspira mai nimic…La fel si dupa a doua si a treia vizualizare.De aici incolo incep sa inteleg cat de cat ca baiatul tocilar care soseste la sfarsitul orei se transforma in tipul de gasca dupa care toate fetele se topesc.O poveste de highschool pe ritmuri de “my love” asa cum zice si acest Borys.

aku sering berpikir sebelumnya..’apakah Putra tahu bahwa aku mencintainya???’

waktu itu aku yakin 50% bahwa Putra tahu hal itu.aku masih setengah yakin…kenapa?karena sepertinya hal itu bisa terlihat olehnya dari tingkah lakuku yang selalu ingin mendekatinya.tapi sikapnya terhadapku biasa saja,masih tetap jahil.jadi akupun berpikir lagi..’sepertinya dia memang belum tahu hal ini.’

aku pernah meminta bantuan kepada pacar Clarine (sekarang sudah mantan),Iwan waktu itu untuk menanyakan hal ini kepada Putra..’bagaimana pendapat Putra tentang diriku?’.dan ternyata waktu itu Iwan bertanya seperti ini kepada Putra..

“kamu tahu tidak kalau Hina ada rasa sama kamu?”,dan aku tak menyangka bahwa Putra menjawab..

“iya,tahu.”

HWWAAAAAAA~~~dia tahu~dia sudah tahu~~!!aku MALU~~!!!dan sekarang yang membuat aku penasaran adalah ’sejak kapan dia tahu hal ini?’.dan kalau menurutku,dia tahu sendiri hal ini.karena sepertinya pikiranku mudah dibaca olehnya.jadi pada intinya hal ini bukanlah sebuah ‘rahasia’ lagi.satu hal lagi yang ingin aku tanyakan..’kalau Putra sudah tahu,lalu bagaimana perasaan yang sebenarnya padaku??’.hmm..kalau Putra sudah tahu rahasiaku sejak lama,sampai saat ini sikapnya masih seperti biasa terhadapku,seakan-akan dia pura-pura tak tahu hal ini.walaupun aku merasa jarak kami semakin jauh…tapi aku tidak peduli,Putra sudah tahu atau tidak tahu tentang hal ini,aku akan terus berjuang untuk mencuri hatinya!!dan dapat lebih akrab lagi dengannya!!YYEEAHH!!!

“Cum treci acum şi apa e-n ruine,
şi-ţi este bine şi îmi este bine,
aş vrea să-ţi spun, iubito, că în tine
e vie vrerea ambelor destine.

Te voi iubi cu milă şi mirare
cu întrebare şi cu disperare,
cu gelozie şi cu larmă mare,
c-un fel de fărdelege care doare.

Şi jur pe tine şi pe apa toată
care ne ţine barca înclinată
că vei ramane – dincolo de număr
şi dincolo de forme, măşti şi vorbe -
a mea, de-a pururi, ca un braţ în umăr”

Mulţumesc, iubito!

Adrian Paunescu – “A mea”

Motif yang tersedia

Note: Untuk motif lainnya yang tidak muncul di web ini, silahkan call/ping.

Harga :

Bedcover set (180×200) : Rp. 340.000,-

Sprei (180×200) : Rp. 110.000,-

Rossa

Carmelia

Shaquila

Red Retro

Pop Art

Oriental

Mocca

Kelko

Greenova

On to the next challenge…..

Get a Life

I never thought I’d be using that phrase on myself but, at the point in time, it applies to me.  It’s been an on-going struggle for me since my separation in ‘07.

WHO AM I?

My friend, The Squire, told me at the beginning of the summer that I had an opportunity.  Since he’s known me, he believed that I didn’t know who I was.  I wasn’t sure of what he meant and that bothered me.  I could identify myself as a son, a father, a brother, an ex-husband and ex-boyfriend.  I am a December baby, Baby Boomer, potentially somebody’s baby and a child of the Seventies.  I am am identified as a lover of music, golf, good barbeque, good sex, long road trips, long beach walks, country fairs and oxen pulls.  I am other things, but does that mean I know WHO I am.

When I was married, I found my identity as part of a marriage and the head of a family.  When I was seeing My Love, I was her partner.  Currently, I am a employee of the Big City Hospital, member of my church and Red Sox Nation.

But is all of that WHO I AM?

Here lies the challenge:  find out who I am.  It’s a good subject to bring into therapy.  I believe it’s the missing piece of the puzzle.  By discovering who I am, I can move forward and live my life.  I know it’s not an instant fix, that it will take hard work and reflection.  It means asking myself alot of questions.  Some of them will be difficult and challenging.

All I want is to be happy.  Doesn’t everyone want to be happy?

I have been a bad boy.

After posting yesterday, I checked my email and discovered a response from My Love.  I got the full lowdown on her reasons behind the breakup.  We are both at fault, but she is blaming herself.

Yes, one of the issues was money and we both took ownership of that.  But she was frustrated about where I was in my life.  She has been concerned that I am wasting my natural talents.  She was hoping that I could move myself along and go forward in my life.  She was hoping that I could get myself out of the rut I was in, but that wasn’t possible.  She decided that we break off our relationship rather than become a nag.

Since my divorce, I have been subconsciously ignoring my adult responsiblities and move forward.  I have been afraid to do that because I am afraid of success.  I use all sorts of excuses:  I don’t know what I want, this doesn’t intrest me, I don’t have the money to go back to school.  I can easily retort with reasons why I should make life changes.  I never have enough money to do what I want, or to cover emergencies.  I constantly worry about if there’s enough or if I have to rob Peter to pay Paul.  I just need to take a leap of faith and start exploring possiblities.

But it bothers me that I was so cold towards My Love.  I have just as much to do with all this as she does.  I need to take responsiblity for my stuff.

We exchanged emails last night and have it sorted out.  But it makes me wonder where we would be if it weren’t for money issues or career goals.  We agreed that we wanted to exchange emails now and again.  She still is an important part of my life.

Let’s see where the future will take us.

Who? Jang Geun-Suk!

Gah! Such an adorable little kid! Wait. No. I’m pretty sure he’s older than me. I don’t care, though. As it is in my nature to say whatever I want. Yes. I want to marry this person when I’m big. LMAO I sounded like I’m five. Well, anyways.

The first I saw him was in that movie Baby & Me. Anyone knows about that movie? It’s such an adorable movie. Just like he is an adorable guy. I wish I was that baby.

I should really stop looking at him and saying adorable all the time.

And then I saw him again in DoReMiFaSoLaTiDo (or was it DoReMiFaSoLaSiDo?) and as always, him looking gorgeously adorable in the film. I fell in love again.

After months of not seeing Geun Suk oppa (on TV or internet I mean LOL), my love for him slowly decreases. But then my heart bursts out in happiness once more once I discovered the recent drama You’re Beautiful (or You’re Handsome, whatever) on SBS. I. Wish. I. Was. Park Shin-Hye.

He is one heck of a brilliant actor. And handsome guy. I wish he’s my boyfriend. Oh, I also saw him in Beethoven Virus, Hwang Jin Yi (is that how you spell it? 황진이). Oh, well. Anyway. Yes, he was amazing in both dramas. I love Jang Geun Suk. Love him love him love him love him.

Waithera, my long lost friend. Haven’t seen you for years, since we left secondary school. What a surprise it was, to bump into you last weekend, and what a pleasure it was to have you join us for Sunday lunch. You were good company – it was nice of us to catch up on the days gone by, and my man was mesmerized by your intelligence. Oh, cheeky girl, still the same ol’ you. Appears we have all grown from the little girls we were, me with my man and child and you with your career and good looks. How do you make it to still look eighteen ten years on? Your even light complexion and long straight hair that makes many mistake you for an Ethiopian, shapely legs with not a single stretch and a well rounded African bossom… You need to share the secret with me, girl.
However, I didn’t realise that you and my man had exchanged numbers and, despite your busy schedule, you did manage to spare some time for lunch with him. He did mention it, though you asked him not to. You told him you wanted ‘manly’ advice on afew life’s issues, though by the end of your lunch there was nothing of importance you discussed. And now you want to meet him again tomorrow, in my absence, if he could. Waithera, I appreciate that you find my man’s company worthy of your valued time, and not many women are able to resist his charming smile, but I do hope I mentioned that he is my man, and I hope he reminds you the same thing (well, I did hear him tell you on phone this morning that it would be better for you to meet him tomorrow in my presence, a request which you turned down).
Waithera, I admit hands down that you have got the looks, your beauty is beyond comparison, your voice is like that of a nightangle and your smile is brighter than the rising sun and I cannot compete with you. I am begging you, that you please don’t take my man. You are all he talked about yesterday, he called out your name in his sleep, and now I can’t stop crying when I think of it. With your kind of looks and brains, you can have any man you want, so why go for mine yet he is all I have got. Waithera, I can see that he has charmed you, but please don’t take my man. He is all I have got, so please don’t take him just because you can. I beg of you, Waithera, for old times sake.
(Adopted from Dolly Parton’s song, Jolene. Love that piece of work!!)

I realize that I mentioned in the previous post I wouldn’t write about My Love.  But I have to share this.

The reason she broke off our relationship was money.

Apparently, I wasn’t the knight in shining armor she hoped I would be.  Since my divorce, money has always been an issue for me.  Mostly the lack of it.  My Love was always wanting to go to concerts, out to dinner because she didn’t want to cook, or go places to do things.  She told me that she was easy to please and happy to stay home, snuggle on the couch with a good movie, or play games.  She would tell me it was about sharing resources, each of us contributing to the relationship in our own way.

The reality was she wanted a man to take care of her. SHe wanted that fairy tale where her true love would sweep her away and he would provide for her.  She wanted to be able to pick up and take off for the weekend.  She wanted spontaneity. 

I feel foolish.  I feel humiliated.  I feel like I was deceived.  It seems that after those feelings of infatuation wore off, reality set in.  It makes me bitter to think about it.

I will take responsiblity for my part.  It takes a bit of cash to maintain a relationship and it was rare to have extra cash.  But I held a steady job and was reliable, unlike one of her ex-husbands.  My battle was against all the men in her life who screwed her over.  If we had a conflict, we’d address it but there was always that spectre hovering overhead.  I will give her this much:  she never nagged me about making more money.

At the moment I feel empty.  There’s a part of me that wants to explode in rage, but knows that wouldn’t accomplish anything.  The other part of me wants to run away from the pain.  It doesn’t matter where, anywhere to get away from it.  I feel three inches tall.

That’s it.  It’s possible that My Love will read this again to see how I am doing.  Go ahead and read, sweetie.  She won’t give a rats ass about me anyway. 

MEMO TO MY LOVE:  When you said you wanted to protect me, I didn’t think you had emasculation in mind.  With what you did, you make what my ex- did look like childs play. Any shred of self-confidence has been torn away.  I hope you are satisfied.  I won’t be bothering you from here on. 

I pity the man that follows me.  He doesn’t have a chance.