Somethings get etched onto your mind forever. Some nightmares scare you, some thoughts anger you, some fears haunt you and some tears drown you…

And none of these emotions come even close to what I feel today. Maybe even I am shallow enough to remember it only on its anniversary and express my opinion only now. But to be honest, never since(26/11)  have I looked at the Taj without that grey shade lingering in my mind. Never have I walked in a  public place without a lookout for something suspicious. Never have I felt safe. Never again have I lived completely. Because somethings get etched onto your mind forever…

It goes beyond 26/11 or Mumbai local train serial blasts. When you find terrorists bombing and destroying the very place you grew up spending half your life, places which define your childhood, places of fond memories, you break…

You can’t take it when your city cries and you are standing there witnessing everything helplessly… And all you can do is light a candle a year later or pay your respect by sitting in the same cafe having beer, showing that nothing has changed. “We stand tall”, we boast. But what about all the things we have lost? What about the things we still fear to lose? What about those glimpses of bloodstained corridors and platforms that still haunt us?

Our city has not stopped crying..it never can…not until we give ourselves a truly satisfactory explanation as to the steps we have taken to punish the guilty and to prevent a recurrence. And needless to say, we are nowhere close to that.

Can I venture out of my house and look back and say “I will be back” with confidence? I want to believe that I can. But again, you can’t fool yourself. I am not safe when my city cries..

I can’t move on..I can’t get over it. But nor do I want to find every news channel having round table conferences about what went wrong and who is to be blamed. Nor do I want to read that Rs. 31 crore have been spent to keep a mass-killer alive. Nor do I find pleasure in knowing that one year later, all Pakistan has done is finally press charges against a couple of terrorists involved in the blast. Nor do I want to wait for a long fair trial. I want to get over with it. Put a full-stop to the endless chain of investigations and controversies that follow a terrorist attack only to be broken by another attack. And the vicious cycle continues..and my city continues to cry…

I look up at the sky and see free birds flying fearlessly. I love my city’s pale blue skies. To me they symbolize the infinite scope of progress, happiness and hope that Mumbai has to offer. To me they define freedom and peace. And I do not want to see the night sky lighted up in the blazing fire of terrorism again. What has left my city in tears is not just the act of terrorism, it is the fear that follows..

It is like those naughty kids who hide behind the door just to shock you. When you get in cautiously and turn to face them boldly, they are always on hiding on the other side. And the more cautious you are, the funnier it is for them. The new evil kid on the block has just landed from Mexico. He played a lot of cruel games there, and just when we thought we had him controlled, he caught us totally off guard, cropping up his deadly head in the heart of Pune.

Initially believed to be on the lines of bird flu, it was wrongly believed to be spreading only through pig contact. But now we know. But it’s kinda too late. It’s in the air. Around you.  You may be breathing in the virus right as you read it. Come on panic! Get that mask. If it’s out of stock, cover your mouth with any shit you get. Stop going to college. Stop meeting people. Stop breathing!!!

That may be how things may be functioning in other places. But dear swine flu, Mumbai can’t wait and see your drama. We can’t not go to college( though we wouldn’t mind it). We cannot stop travelling by train. We can’t not see that Vodafone Tuesday morning show. We can’t not be a true Mumbaikar.

But with all this attempted sarcasm I don’t mean to ridicule the whole state of affairs but it hurts. It hurts to see your city masked. It pains to see that people are scared to roam around freely. What terrorism couldn’t do after so many gruesome acts, one microscopic  virus casually flies in and makes our lifestyle go haywire. Your friend coughs or takes a leave and you are scared to be around him. You even try not breathing in a crowded bus. You keep getting  absurd notions of  getting yourself checked for  the H1N1 virus. Just to be sure. You just can’t get your mind off it.

All I want to say is, chill. Breathe in and breathe out. Without any fear. You will get it if you have to. If not, even a dying swine flu patient cant affect you. And even if you are infected, it is ok. It’s not AIDS. It has a cure. Take the necessary precautions and forget about it. Live freely. Wear the mask. Cover your mouth. Not your soul.

To a healthier and happier Mumbai..

No this isn’t some kind of anti-voting philosophy. Neither is this my answer to the ‘pun intended’ middle fingers flashing on front pages of newspapers, social networking sites or blogs.

Well, I would have liked to vote. It is, after all, our biggest right and duty as well. It makes you a responsible and vigilant Indian. Still I did not vote. Or rather I couldn’t. More on that later. Basically, I wanted to. Not that I was very hopeful that my one vote or even ten million votes of us Mumbaikars would really make that big a difference. Still, had I got my voter’s ID, I would have, to exercise my right in this rather limited framework.

I know you would object. Limited scope?!! You get to choose your government. You even get to contest elections under most circumstances, as long as you are an Indian. Yes, I agree it’s a system ideal for todays world and we are better off than most places across the globe. Still why are we not satisfied? Not happy? Why was the voters turnout low inspite of  Jaago re and Lead India or even the discounts provided at icecream parlours on showing the marked finger?

In short, give me one full proof reason why I should vote under the given circumstances? Assuming I do get my voters’ ID. To think of that, in this small unintended survey that I did, I found 25 people who I happened to discuss this with, who didn’t vote because their name didn’t feature in the voters list. Leaving almost half as lazy asses, still a respectable number of people did try to get one. I do understand the enormity of the situation. I know, we are a hundred billion people waiting to make that one decision. Still, if in a city like Mumbai we don’t get things done efficiently, I don’t even need to imagine the situation in remote rural areas.

Holidaying and laziness and pessimism can hold back votes. Yes, that’s an area to work on.

You know what, I had predicted the low turnout. Not that I am some analyst. Plain common sense. If I am reluctant to choose between two equally incompetent candidates,then why wouldn’t half the population?

People say vote for independent candidates because they are not adulterated by selfish political partys’ views. But whats the use? Lets face it. Finally its between Congress and BJP. Do you really like either? Because I cant choose. An independent candidate cant change the nation even if he wanted to. Not in the current framework. I am not cynical here. Just practical.

There isn’t anything specific that I would want to say here. I don’t have a solution to this vicious circle of ‘why should  I stand for elections when I can go abroad and earn in dollars-politics is bullshit- so illiterate or power hungry people contest elections- no good candidate to vote for- so I wont vote- 5 years I will crib and ridicule the government- end of it I am more cynical than before and back to square one.

Even if we realize there is a flaw, which needs to be discussed, half the battle is won.

I know we don’t like to be told that we are wrong. That years of doing one thing is wrong or needs to be changed. We don’t like to be shown our faults. I don’t say that our constitution is wrong. Its perfect. Better than so many around. But when its interpreted and actually put to use, something somewhere is going amiss. When you realize that this is a problem, getting a solution isn’t that big a deal.

Surely something is wrong somewhere, because inspite of being the proud Indian that I am, I am not too sad I DID NOT VOTE.

** The story we are following will be continued. Couldn’t hold this back. Totally my views. So don’t pounce on me.

Into the morning sky it flew,

As a pleasant sea breeze blew..

Fluttering widely its beautiful wings,

A song of peace and pride it sings..

High up into the horizon of future,

The goodwill of today and prosperity of past to nurture..

Its love crosses every border and line,

And its boundaries impossible to define..

A shot in its wings and down it falls

Help! Save your men if not me, it calls..

Its shudders it shivers, it weeps in pain,

A century old treasure of tradition in vain,

It is, but a dove, attempted to be slain,

But death is not an option, it knows it has to fly again…

Time to heal, ofcourse it will take,

Hopefully the world realizes, of this, what to make,

So that, one day, to a better morning, it will awake,

A higher plunge, with broken wings for freedom’s sake…..

Too angry to make sense of what I write.

Too furious about the way the day has unfolded.

Too distracted to open any book.

Too hurt by the new face of terror killing many brothers and sisters and ruining dreams of many more.

Too disgusted to see how the chief of ATS went in to never come out.

Too surprised how the top officers are given such less protection.

Too disappointed by the poor performance by intelligence agencies and the Coastguard when two boats walk in before them.

Too anxious to hear the latest updates.

Too eager to throw a nuclear bomb on Pakistan.

Too fed up of getting used to blasts and terror attacks..

Too sad about the death of each and every innocent person..Indian or otherwise, who lost his/her life in this inhuman terrorist activity.

Too let down by the response of home ministry.

Too interested in knowing, where the fuck is raj thakerey and the shiv sena now? ‘their’ mumbai is burning too…

Too desperate to wake up to a Mumbai left alone by all these cowards.

Too shaken by the way the terrorists walked into my house fearlessly and continue to challenge the now flickering spirit on mumbai.

Too affected to ever forget this day or even let my fellow Indians forget it…

Too sick of my house burning because of motherfucking bastards.

Too helpless to do anything more than venting my anger in places like this..

A thoroughly proud marathi that I am, I have always, in a certain way supported the thoughts and ideas of shiv sena or its new successor MNS. Its probably the diehard marathi inside me who is saying this. I can get pretty aggressive at a slight mention of anything against the maharashtrians, but then, who does not? We all are proud of what we are born as.
I strongly agree with the view that marathi man should never bear the brunt of the fact that outsiders find a better life out here. Its our land. My land. Ofcourse we don’t deny the rights bestowed upon us all by our constitution. Had that been the case, 80% of mumbai would have been wiped off.

But it would be better if everyone analyses exactly what is the motive of MNS or other such organizations. They just want to protect marathi heritage. The only reason why we need to fight for our marathi culture is because there is no mechanism to do that. Why is there no such issue in Kolkata? Why is the south always against the national or universal language?
A Maharashtrian, by which I mean, the common marathi maanoos, has always been the calm, self-satisfied, non violent and laid back person. And he still is that way. But yes, the insecurity has increased. And that’s the reason He fights back. Who would not fight back if there is a thief in his house?
However, the last few days made the egoistic maharashtrian in me wonder about the motive behind this whole issue. Are the means, which these groups resorted to, justified? Is the burning of buses and cars and destruction of public property valid? Don’t they understand that they are destroying a part of their own home for which they fight? Their means make such a pure and true objective seem worthless and shameful.

Another shocking and heartbreaking truth. Break the bubble around you, which says that a marathi manoos is safe in this drama. It makes me sick to find that these maniacs don’t even bother to see who they are hurting. The whole point and purpose is lost.
I know that nothing and noone can remove the marathi culture in me. I will celebrate diwali and dassera in the way I always have. I will listen to marathi songs. I will talk to my marathi friends in marathi even though it annoys others. I will yell out ‘aai ga’ when I get hurt. I will still love the marathi manoos in me.
To a better and peaceful and happy maharashtra. And to my marathi brotherhood..