3 years ago here I was debating the addition of another baby to our family.  I was mostly leaning towards no.  A few commenters added their opinions; mostly do not have another baby until you fix your marriage.  Did I listen? Why no of course not.

So we had another baby.  And by all means I’m not saying that he is the cause of our unhappiness with one another.  But there’s nothing like a newborn thrown into an already chaotic relationship between two people to really bring out everyone’s faults.

I don’t know if I/we can fix it.  We’ve already thrown out the threats of you leave or I’ll leave and other nasty sentences.  It’s horrible.  I’m confused by everything.  Do I leave and uproot our children’s lives?  Do I stay and just remain silent; floating along to keep the peace? There’s many issues here.  For one, money.  I can’t afford to leave.  To keep my children in this awesome school we have would be impossible.  I’ve scouted out homes in the area and I found a fixer upper at $599!  How could I possibly afford that, even if we were to sell our current home, pay off debts and split it, I’d have a huge mortgage.  I like my community, I like the families we know and the school.  I could never remain in my current home because I could never afford to pay my husband half of what he’s entitled to.

We rarely argue in front of our kids.  We do things with them, together, hence my acting .  I mostly shut my mouth and just go through the motions of the day.  It gets pretty lonely let me tell you.  We talk about what to make for dinner, what errands or chores need to be done and that’s about it.  After the kids are in bed, he stays downstairs watching TV and I go upstairs to read. I hate it.

Thing is I can’t go back to being a “couple”.  The feelings are gone.  I’d be happy settle for being friends and parents at the same time.  At the same time I long for living my life freely without worrying if something said or done will turn into a massive argument.

Thanks for reading this rambling post.  As an aside I’ve been reading so many awesome posts out there that put my writing to shame.  Must remember to keep writing though for me!

When The Boy woke up he was REALLY hot. I never take a temperature on a kid unless it lasts more than a day, or they are so hot they can’t move. I just give them something for it. So now, I am in the house with a hot kid and a smelly dog. I REALLY am starting to wonder if having the perfect bunny is going to make up for this. I’m a mess. I can’t even decide what I want for dinner.

The funny thing about all this, and getting the new bunny is, the only reason that MOH consented was because he thinks that the mini lops are too small for Saint to herd without hurting them. I have a girlfriend who also has a Giant, a female. I called her about the idea of mating them when mine gets older just to see what we can throw. She was really jazzed up about the idea, and then I said, “Say a prayer so MOH will say yes.” I called him and told him the story about the bunny, and before I got to the punch line about my girlfriend and the potential income from the babies, he said, “Okay, I can pick it up tomorrow. Saint won’t kill the lops playing with them now.” I called her right back and said, “MOH said yes.” She was bowled over by how easy that was. Then I told her the bunny is for Saint.

Yep, my MOH, my kids, and my critters–God has given me EVERYTHING I really need.

The detective called me yesterday morning, and said that they had contacted the man, and that there were several pictures of a woman in light-colored dedicates, but nothing like what I described. Okay, so the guy is looking at pictures of scantily dressed females WHILE talking to my kids, (it was the first picture to pop on his phone) and that isn’t creepy enough? They also said there were hundreds of pictures in the phone. I saw the photo log in that phone. There were only 6 or 8. If I were a perv, I would go home and change the disk if I knew someone had seen it. It is easy enough to swap disks, I have done it myself. I mean, even the pervs know that if you get caught with that stuff, your life is pretty much over.  MOH said he could have walked out and deleted the picture. I have deleted bad pictures, anybody who can use a cell phone knows how to do it. My first thought of the picture in question was, “Dear Lord, that is a GIRL.” not a woman but a GIRL. At first I felt like I might be wrong, but the more I review my revulsion at the idea of it, the more I am SURE that I was not.

After that we worked on our science because it was due and my in-laws were here and we really didn’t have a ton of time to finish it before class. We got just enough done that we didn’t have to worry about it. Daughter #3′s class didn’t even work on her book because they had a special project that had not been previously planned. I brought my bills with me to pay, because I forgot that it was ‘bill pay’ day at our house and we had talent show later that night.

The girls had made cookies for one of their friends who had to have unexpected knee surgery for a severed ligament. (The kid was kicking and kicked too high and his knee cap moved funny and cut his ligament clean from his leg. Talk about a freak accident!) I was running to the potty because of the bug, so I kind of threw all my stuff on the hood of the van, (it had been raining) handed Daughter #2 the keys and went into the bathroom. Somehow in the moving around of all the stuff to collect the cookies and gifts for the young man and his siblings (There are 4 kids in that family, giving one cookies and nothing to the others seemed wrong.) my bills all were literally scattered to the wind. The important thing about these bills is, they are all medical bills, and I chose to be a self-pay, so the hospital will let you pay as you can interest free, but you have to make all your monthly payments or you are sent to collections. They only send you about the first 3 months notices unless it is a really big billing company, and you have to keep track of it after that. All of the papers in that folder to my knowledge, except the one that comes directly from the hospital are probably my last statement of each of those bills. I can request a new one, but I would have to do it at the time I pay the bill. All of those bills with the exception of one, I paid while the kids were in class. That being said, I thought I collected them all and we drove off. Just to be sure I checked them at the stop light right before we got home, and one was missing! I was freaking out. To be sent to collections over a remaining $100 or something balance! The idea even what threatening to bring on a headache. I only noticed because that particular bill has different notes written on the back of it than all the others. (It truly is an act of God to only lose the one you know you are missing.) I drove back to the building where the kids’ co-op for science is, and we found it, soaking wet and on the opposite side of the parking lot! Without that bill I would never even have begun to know HOW to call to get another copy, and I can’t remember the names of the half-dozen or more providers I am paying off monthly. The only downside was that I lost 45 minutes of time in prep for getting us ready to be at the talent show, in the drive up and back.

In science class the little kids made ice cream in plastic bags, and there was a lot of whipped cream left over. I had been wrangling around about what I was going to make for dessert, I decided to make strawberry shortcake. I bearly had time to bake the cake and get it cold before we left. I used strawberries that we picked at the hydroponic farm with my mother-in-law while she was visiting. Not often does a plan come together that well. The only downside was, as I was hurriedly getting ready I didn’t lock the top lock on the door and the boy opened the bottom lock and walked out of the house into the street in front of the house, and my neighbor brought him home. He wasn’t like on a super busy traffic laden street or anything. The roads in my development were paved in the 50′s and are hardly big enough to drive our minivan down successfully.

The talent show for our home school group was really good. The highlights were a jaw harp performance, a Veggie Tales performance by two autistic children, a concert quartet, a concert harpist, a duet by a brother and sister, and an opera song accompanied on harp and violin. Daughter #1 told jokes. Daughter #2 did a martial arts performance. Daughter #3 sang Jesus Loves the Little Children a cappella. It was really hard to keep the boy still for the whole thing. Especially since, when you pick him up to drag him out, no matter how gentle you actually are, he has this habit of yelling, “OW! YOU ARE HURTING ME!” at the top of his lungs. Yeah, good thing everybody there knows us.

After the show, one of the moms who I am not particularly close to confided in me that she needed to send her 2 sons to a special training school for skills she could not know how to teach them. She had adopted them from a seriously broken family, so she had no skills to deal with the challenges she was facing. I cannot imagine her state of mind. She said, ‘the only thing I can imagine worse than this is if they were abducted. Then it would be worse because I wouldn’t know how they were.’ This is kind of unusual because about 3 months ago, Daughter #1 had a dream that the older boy suddenly went blind. I told her that if she needed someone to cry and pray with I would.

After that we went out for Chinese and brought it home. It was like 10:30 before everyone was in bed.

Puppy was locked up most of the day because of the rain, so after everyone was asleep I took him out back to play soccer. He really likes soccer but he is a bit of a ball hog. I remedy this by saying, ‘I’m the human I can be spoiled,” and walking away. He gets upset because he thinks he is going to lose his game, and chases me down and heel nips my pants till I come back. SMART DOG! Love my smart puppy.

He is notorious for chatting and not watching the time, so I didn’t expect him within the hour, but he didn’t re-appear until gone 8 o’clock and although my fish and chip supper was lovely, as I get older my digestion doesn’t allow me to eat such delights late on in the evening.

So, having sat up half the night with indigestion, I am less than awake this morning and I have many things to do.  I did manage to put a few things on to Ebay yesterday, but I have hardly made a dent in the ever-growing mountain of bits and pieces surrounding my computer.

My Other Half was really quite pleased that we had managed to pack away the stock in the garage rather neatly after the last fair, and hasn’t seemed to notice that you can barely get your feet into the hall.

It will of course, eventually get cleared and the high tide mark of flotsam and jetsam will recede but this weekend we are having the children.  Going to London for the day with them tomorrow and then bringing them back here to sleep over, and some of this needs to be moved, perhaps just a safe path through?

We are going to the Ideal Home Exhibition at Olympia.  Half of me is really looking forward to it, and half of me thinks that we are insane to take the children.  Don’t misunderstand, they will love it, but three of them together is rather like wrangling ants.  Still their Mum will be with us for most of the day.

She is going to nip off to Kent to visit some friends in the afternoon and we are tasked with bringing the children safely home.

I am sure that all will be well, probably!!

I will never forget this pic….coz the day he took a shot for this was the day we broke up for the second time in the month of february…

He looks okay there, huh?!? Hmm… well….as my officemate said…” hands on wheels…” kakampihan pa!!! LOL

Anyway, He just considered that all the fights, damn arguments, and jelousy we had are part of the relationship… (kung ganun naman pala, aawayin nga kita ulit…tapos break ulit..tapos bati na naman??wag na kaya? JOKE!!!^__^)

All I can say, I am lucky to have a man like you who can profoundly understand my tantrums, jealous behavior and all my negative behaviors…and still loving me for who and what I am…

I called a detective about the situation with the perv at the tax office, and talked to the kids about everything they knew. Turns out Daughter #2 saw him drive up in a truck and remembered what the make symbol looked like.

Then I went over to the retired neighbors next door and said, “Can’t tell you why right now but I need you to help me protect my kids from a perv. If you see any county vehicles come by my house let me know.” (We know he works for the county because he had a county uniform on). My neighbor said, “Funny you should say that because when I went out at 10 this morning to get groceries there was a county truck driving very slowly up the street in front of YOUR house.”

I can just hear “LAW and ORDER,” music playing in the back of my head. Great NOW the girls can’t give the puppy his walk together. I have to go with them. And no one is allowed out front without me for about a month.

At the advice of my friend who does this stuff as a serious hobby, I called the national human trafficking hotline and the national center for missing and exploited children and made a report.

I also called the county building department to see about what code might be for my snow cone stand, good thing I started now, it could take up to 3 weeks to get a response.

Some scriptures that have meant a lot to me today are Psalms 91

Proverbs 14:22- If you plot evil, you will be lost; but if you plan good you will be granted unfailing love and faithfulness.

Proverbs 14:26-Those who fear the Lord are secure; He will be a place of refuge for their children.

I have now doubt that my children’s lives are in the hollow of the Lord’s hands. The combined power of their ancestors’ prayers and my own, will keep evil from them. I also have a very large support network of prayer warriors for friends. The Lord is good and his mercy endures forever.

As these things tend to go, I feel like crud–have been, but worse now because I am pretty sure I got the bug from Daughter #3. She is better now. I will probably just make dinner, sort clothes and go to bed.

So much for going to bed early, some of our middle school aged girl friends stopped by just as the kids were finally eating dinner at 7:45. So much for in bed by 8. We met them while I was trying to start a routine of walking around the neighborhood first thing in the morning. (I have since decided that it is too complicated a proposition with the dog in tow as well, and I don’t have the heart to leave him at home. He doesn’t like the side street up from our house, and you have to take that one, where the traffic is heavy to get a good walk. Some things are just too many steps to completion at this point.) I didn’t realize what a different sound 3 larger girls is. I am used to noise, but this was almost “other worldly.” All that laughing and talking all at the same time. I am used to tuning in to my own, however, to catch all of this I think I probably would have had to down a redbull first or something. The one good thing that happened is that one of the girls is coming to church with us this weekend.

The crud meter went to about 9, and I laid down. (I have an internal feel like poo meter and anything less than 9 means I usually hang in till it is time to pass out. Nine is-this is the worst crud. 10 is my head hurts so bad I can’t see straight, or I am puking up some guts.) I guess I got 3 or 4 microsleeps while trying to rest, which is the worst way to rest. After MOH accidentally stubbed his foot on the bed, and the bed was physically jolted for unknown reasons like 4 other times, I gave up. When I came out of the bedroom I was blind, and the first thing MOH said was, “I need that reciept from last night.” I went to get it, and the state of my filing is a little less than pretty–there was griping from MOH about this, I have to admit I griped back rather loudly, but I did succeed in making the point that I was feeling crummy and supposed to be “resting, ” and it was 10, the kids were supposed to be being put in bed at 8.

MOH said he was going to put the kids to bed when I laid down, but then I did it just to get it done. Then, because he was antsy because he didn’t get a walk I took Saint for a walk. I had a hard time seeing where to walk because my night vision isn’t the best and I don’t like the dark spots, so I ended up taking the main road out of our developement because it is well lighted. On the way back I heard, coming from over the drainage ditch a little girl (pretty sure, I’ve had 3 I should know what they sound like when they are really young like that), I’m guessing late 2 early 3 year old, yelling at the top of her lungs, “NO! ME NO LIKE THAT! NO ME NO PLAY THAT GAME!” repetitively, in a desperate sort of way. Could have been the kid was sick and didn’t want to take her medicine. Could have been butt rash. But that is what the creeps say to a 2 year old, “Can we play a game?” My heart was sick. I came home and tried to locate it on a street map. I didn’t want to call the police for no reason. It is really suspicious to hear a 2 year old yell THAT at 11:45 at night. I’m going to poke around over that side of the neighborhood in the daylight and see if I see a child who obveously NEEDS help.

Looks like Mr Saint has made a nearly full recovery from yesterday’s trauma. After I questioned all the kids this morning, Daughter #1 told me that he actually jumped into the pool and landed funny. He has jumped from the deck of our 7 ft. swing set on a number of occasions, so I am a little less worried this morning. He just jumped, front feet into my lap like, “Mom, come on–not with that thing (the computer) again!’ He knocked my mouse and keyboard right onto the floor. I might not wrestle him down too bad the next couple days, just incase he is still somewhat sore.

We went to my appointment at the county clinic, because I discovered a couple of years back that it is way cheaper as a self-pay to go there than a walk in. It appears that I am neither pregnant, nor do I have a UTI. This being quite a mystery since I have been terrifically fatigued, and plagued with the same kind of wind down and confusion as I had directly preceding the diagnosis of bladder infection last year. It makes me feel like I am walking through a blue haze like in a movie, and something is about to jump out at me. All good news, still feel like pooh. But with a lot of hydration therapy and cranberry juice hopefully I can turn it around in the next few days.

Then the kids and I went to our local scratch and dent can place–love that place, walk out of there with $60 in groceries, and I can do snacks and dinner for 2 weeks, minus the meat and dairy. Then we went to the Oriental Market, and they still haven’t found any twig tea. The boy was driving the owner nuts. Then the littles took their nap. I started making them take a nap about 3 months ago, because they both get really nasty around 6 pm, if they haven’t slept enough. I love them, but all the screaming tends to add to my stress level.

While the littles were napping Daughter #2 and I worked on her reading, and Daughter #1 worked on her science that is due for class Thursday. When they got up we started cleaning up so that it would be in somewhat of an order when MOH came home. MOH called at 4 pm and said,”We have our meeting with the tax man at 5 be ready.” MOH took the taxes to the taxman this year just to see if anything different could be done than I do. Shock the only different thing was a 1099 and I probably could have done that with the right Turbo Tax. UHHHGGGHH! Oh well, next year I WILL do it in January, and then there will be NO doubt that I am perfectly capable.

While we were at the accountant’s office, a man came in who was in his mid fifties and he was talking to our kids–who probably started the conversation. They are really friendly kids. He was talking to them about his coin collection–my guess is because daughter #2 collects people’s stray money. She finds money ALL over the street. She just has a talent for that. He was trying to get them interested in ancient coins. We were kind of keeping an eye on things, because we were a good fifteen feet off with our backs facing them, so every once in a while we’d look back to make sure everything was okay. As friendly as our group is, they can sometimes be pests. As the man was leaving he got up to show me a picture of a rare coin he had just acquired on his cell phone, only the picture that popped first was of a girl about 13-14 dressed in lingerie with her arms crossed in front of her, she had short blond hair and she looked like she was crying. The man quickly said, “oh that’s my wife.” I didn’t know how to shove THAT into my head and make it work with the explanation. I didn’t know how to let him know I was ON to him, and make it work to help that girl. For like the 5th time in my ENTIRE life I was speechless. He showed me the coin, and then the picture that popped after that was of a much older woman with long red curly hair. This could no doubt be his wife. I did manage to find out his first name and where he works. MOH handed him a business card, which incidentally has our home address on it, because he is ALWAYS about working the business. (He does this because we are in a pretty good chunk of debt from 2 years of bad business). I am not concerned about my children, I will just forbid them to be out front without adult supervision for the next month. I am however concerned about the girl in the picture. What if she was my girl? I really do want to help her. As he was leaving he commented about how adorable Daughter #3 is-goosebump city! Good thing God has my back and my kids in his hands! We went to the store after that and I was so jangled by the whole thing, I almost couldn’t check myself out. It was bad.

Why does all the exciting stuff have to happen to me! I am just a stay home mommy. I mean puppies in pools one day and pervs at the accountant’s office the next.–Well Poppa D says, ‘There is absolutely NOBODY like you.” (I always picture him laughing when he says that.)

I called my friend who is a detective with the next county over. He said to call a detective tomorrow and tell him everything I know, that NOTHING like that is ever too small to be a good lead.

Then we came home had prayer time, and the kids and MOH went out back to play wiffle ball while I heated up dinner. When they came in MOH wanted to let them watch the movie we rented over the weekend with dinner, but I really did want them in bed by 8pm. That is my new goal. In bed by 8, so that I can do my other important stuff like write and do taxes. I was really hot, that MOH kept insisting. I really was a baby about it though and I ended up yelling, “No! NO! NO! You are just as bad as they are! They will be up all night!” This is only the second night of getting to bed at 8. They were in beds by 8:30. Because right before I went to tuck them in I broke a glass on the kitchen floor and had to clean it up. But that is some improvement over the usual 10 pm.

MOH has been incredibly busy lately, so I think it is nice for me to have something to do–writing, that way, I am not to bored or lonely while he is working.

I also hurt my lower back today–not bad, just painful. I think I did it “knee hugging” Saint. He likes to stand between my legs, so I hug him with my knees. It also could have been when he was playing tug with the bottoms of my pants legs, and I was playing fetch from the couch while teaching Daughter#2 to read. I know I said I was going to “take it easy on him,” but by the end of the day he was his obstinate self not wanting to come in until chased to the point of exhaustion.

What I find to be the most insane about my life of late, is that I have gotten to the point that if I can’t do 2 things at once I am bored. When we drove north weekend before last to be with MOH’s parents. I was bored to tears that I had to drive back, and the ONLY thing I could do was drive, like I couldn’t read at the same time, or pet the dog, or plan schoolwork. I could do only one thing. That was SO frustrating.

One of the best highlights has been that MOH bought me a puppy for Christmas. A border collie, I named him Saint, for Antoine de Saint Exupery–the author of, “The Little Prince.” I have known since high school that I would have a dog named Saint, and that I would name him for that book. That book next to the Bible has defined a lot of my feelings about the way mankind has mistreated the Gospel. Strange to find such depth in a children’s book.

Back to my puppy, he is now 5 months. I love him with a fierce passion, and I wrestle him down at least twice a day. He loves me just as fiercely, I believe. I think I love him more than any critter I have EVER owned, and I have owned quite a few. He usually lays at my feet while I am up late piddling about the chores of the night, planning for the next day. I have said often since he has come to us, that, “a good dog can get to your heart in places no person can.” Saint is not only worth his weight in gold, he is worth twice his weight in gold. His one flaw is, that he is a runner. Not always, but once in a while my now 3-year-old boy, gets a wild hair up his butt and lets puppy out the front door to run to his heart’s content. The problem with this is, that we live in a developement that butts up to another development through the trees from the houses facing ours–puppy especially likes to dive through the woods behind those houses. It takes me longer to drag him home. Today he went skidding through the woods, headlong into an empty pool bottom. I am a little slower through the trees than puppy and the kids, so I did not see him fall. When I made it into the clearing, the woman on the other side who owned the pool (legally it should have a fence of some kind around it) not that it would have stopped my son–screeching at the top of her lungs, “GET AWAY FROM THE POOL!” at the boy. I was confused as to why he wouldn’t have gotten away, until I saw that our beloved puppy was at the bottom! (Saint is my boy’s dearest friend next to Daughter #3, and I think it probably would have taken a team of wild horses to drag him away at that point.)  It wasn’t a very deep pool not even as deep as I am tall I don’t think. When I picked him up and carried him out of the pool Saint was shaking. I didn’t register, “oh he just fell in a pool!” All I wanted to do was stop pissing off my neighbor. Saint has been a little “off” since we got back. I am mildly concerned about him, kind of the way I felt when Daughter #1 came down with chicken pox at 2 yrs. old. Like there is really nothing I can do because what is done is done, all I can do is pray while things progress and believe for the best. I gave Saint some aspirin, I hope he feels better tomorrow. I miss my wrestling buddy.

I got the taxes done early this year so that an accountant could look them over, we should hear back Wednesday. In the meantime I am very settled about it, because I did the best job I know how to do. I really do hope that we don’t end up paying too much though.

I have been working on a business plan of late, to open a snow cone stand. I have been in contact with several groups which might assist me. Right now, I need to contact someone about what code would dicate for a mobile building.

It’s (again) been a while since I posted.  And I don’t feel horribly bad about that (sorry!).  I’ve  fallen behind on reading all the awesome blogs I follow, but I’m slowly catching up!  I blame the annual leave I took in January.  Blogging has been an outlet for me, and when I took time off, I didn’t need to say as much because I guess I had more time to do other things?  Plus, the weather has still been really…not summery, so my garden (sadly) is not as awesome as I thought it would be, hence the lack of garden updates.

I’m on annual leave again!  And I’m getting married next Saturday.  Surprise surprise!

By Ícaro Moreno Ramos (Wedding Photography) via Wikimedia Commons

I’ve also turned 30 since the last time I posted.  Being 30 doesn’t feel much different from 29, but that combined with getting married soon has made me miss my family a lot.  Especially my mom.  I always thought she’d be here for this, but life doesn’t always work out the way you thought it would.

I know some folks might be wondering about our wedding plans — there really aren’t many.  We’re having a private ceremony at home with a celebrant and Ben’s parents as our witnesses.  Afterwards, I think Ben and I will just enjoy our wedding day together.  No reception.  We don’t really know heaps of people and Ben’s a fairly private person, so I think it would be awkward to have a lot of people over when we really just want to be married, for us.  I’m hoping our friends will understand that and not be offended that they’re not getting invited to a reception. We’re not even doing a wedding cake (neither of us are crazy about cake).  We thought about having a barbecue, but I’m not really sure we’ll even do that.

Joe Falcon and Cléoma Falcon on their wedding day April 27th, 1932

I wasn’t keen on the idea of wearing a dress, as I’m not really a dress (or skirt) kind of person, but I know Ben really would love to see me in a dress, so I managed to find one on my birthday.  It wasn’t an easy feat considering most of the stores out there don’t even carry my size (NZ 18).  It’s not a traditional wedding dress because it’s royal blue, but it fits me well, and I feel beautiful when I wear it.

I want to find some cheap live flowers (white and purple maybe?)  to plant in my tire planters (which have remained bare after I pulled out the nemophilias), but that’s about all the decorating I’m doing.  We’re still saving for a car.  The highlight of my birthday (after finding my dress) was buying a beautiful kaftan top for $5 when it was originally $60.  I don’t want to blow money on dead flowers, however pretty they are.  At least with live flowers we can enjoy them for a few weeks after the wedding!

Call me crazy if you want (a few people I know seem were flabbergasted by me not really wanting to get a dress), but I’m really happy about it all.  That’s what matters, right?

Have you ever gone the non-traditional route with something important?

Akala ko, joke lang… akala ko, trip lang… Pero hindi pala. Na hindi ko inaasahan ang pagdating niya sa buhay ko. Inisip ko pa noon na kasama siya sa paglalaro ng tadhana sa buhay ko, pero hindi pala. Hindi ko sukat-akalain na isang dayuhan pa pala ang makakaunawa sa akin…, ang magpapatino sa nagloloko kong kaluluwa…
Nagsimula kami bilang magkaibigan mula sa isang mobile site na libangan ko noon para makatulog ako. May kasintahan siya noon na isang Filipina, at ako naman ay isang Filipino, na manggagawa ng isang airlines na may mataas na posisyon sa kumpanya. Nagkataon na parehong aandap-andap ang relasyon namin sa iba. Hindi naglaon, magiging kami sa huli. Marami ng nangyari, nauugnay ang ibang tao para magkahiwalay kami, sadyang hindi sila nagtagumpay.
Kung magbabalik-tanaw ako sa mga ideyalismo ko, ayoko sa kanya. Marami akong ayaw sa pagkatao niya pero ang lahat ng “AYAW” ko, ay ang una kong minahal at niyakap. Sa totoo lang, ayoko sa isang dayuhan, may anak at galing sa isang bigong legal na relasyon, at higit sa lahat, hindi ko ka-panampalataya. Ngunit ang lahat ng yaon, tinataglay niya na tunay kong tinanggap.

Nagmula din naman ako sa napakaraming bigong relasyon, hindi nga lamang legal…na kung pagsasamahin ko ang bilang ng mga daliri ko– kamay at paa, higit pa doon ang dami nila. Sila ang mga nakilala ko sa gitna nga paglalakbay ng aking pagkatao. Masasabi ko, hindi sila ang nilaan sa akin. Sa kung anuman ang dahilan ng kabiguan ng mga naka-relasyon ko noon, pareho lang kaming may pagkukulang.
Masasabi kong natatangi siya sa lahat. Hindi ko din maintindihan na sa ilang buwan ng aming komunikasyon, patuloy pa din kami sa aming relasyon na puno ng pananabik sa isa’t-isa. Marami na siyang natanggap na pangungutya sa nagtataray kong dila, ngunit iisa lang ang sambit niya, noon hanggang ngayon, “I’m a real man…”
Maraming hindi naniniwala sa relasyon namin. Iniisip nila na isa lamang pantasya. Pamilya ko at niya at maging ang mga kaibigan namin, hindi umaayon. Sa hamong ito, mas lalo kaming nanindigan. Lagi kong binibigkas sa kanya na may diin ang bawat ponema, “I want an ideal relationship that even if distance gap separates us, we’ll still hold on to each other…”

Sa paglipas ng panahon, mas nakilala ko siya. Na mas lalong nagpakilig sa akin at higit akong naging interesado sa kanya, nagseryoso na.
Na may mga pilosopiya kami sa buhay na magkatulad kahit na magkaibang lahi pa man ang aming pinagmulan. At pareho kaming natuto sa mga bigong relasyon namin noon. Kung kaya’t sobrang mahal namin ang isa’t isa. Bakit? Sapagka’t, tila kami’y isang “teenager” kung mag-away na humahantong sa hiwalayan. At sa paglipas ng oras, magbabati at magkakaayos din kami, idagdag mo pa, magkaiba kami ng lulan, magkaiba ng “time zone”.

Naniniwala ako, na may kinalaman ang Kaitaas-taasan sa nagaganap sa tagpo ng buhay ko. Nararamdaman ko na Siya ang may “invisible-control” sa eksenang ito.
Lagi kong sambit sa Kanya, “Lord, bahala ka na… hindi ko nakikita ang bukas pero IKAW ang mayhawak nito at nababatid mo ito. Hiling ko, huwag Mong hayaan na ang buhay ko ay malinlang sa bitag ng kaaway.” Subali’t sa t’wing tinatanong ko Siya na, “Lord God, siya na ba talaga?!?” Haay… puro pahiwatig ang nakikita kong sagot…ni walang tugon na OO o HINDI. Ang masasabi ko lang, sa dalawampu’t-dalawang buwan ng aming pag-iibigan, Siya ang nag-uugnay sa aming dalawa.
Gayunpaman, naisin ng puso ko ang tumalima sa Naisin Niya sa buhay kong likha Niya…

Marami na siyang inialok sa akin na hindi ko lubusang tinanggap at naging dahilan kung bakit nauudlot ang aming pagkikita. Sapagkat ang hiling ko, magtungo muna siya dito. May plano? Oo naman. Kaya lang, may mga hadlang na hindi naming inaasahan.
At ngayon, sana wala na…
Marami siyang plano para sa aming dalawa, tanggap ko naman ang lahat subalit hinihintay ko ang isakatuparan niya ang lahat ng mga yun sa tamang panahon, sa tamang pagkakataon na inilaan ng Diyos para sa amin.
Nananabik ako na makapiling ang tanging tinatangi ng puso ko…na naaayon sa Kalooban ng Kaitaasan na may akda ng aking buhay…

-rhianethaire

Last evening, upon returning after a stroll with her papa, she came running to me in the kitchen saying these…

Rachelle: Mummy, Papa’s car is a TURBO! (Confidently)

It still tickle me till now.

It must be an interesting topic they both shared during the walk, though I didn’t ask.

He’s my little boy.  He struts down our driveway.  He heaves himself onto the first step of the bus by grabbing onto both rails.  I yell “I love you!  Have a good day!” from the front door as he disappears into the sea of children on Bus G.

And then I wonder, Would I Still Feel This Way If He Had Made It Home On The Bus On His First Day Of School?  Because Nic didn’t make it home.  On his first day of kindergarten, his bus driver dropped him off at the wrong stop, 2 miles away from our house.  She didn’t check off the names like she was supposed to, instead she let a swarm of children off the bus and yelled to the parents, “Has everyone got their kids?” and drove away.  A stranger called me and told me she had found Nic walking down her street, alone.  He looked out-of-place, and she called him over to her.  Luckily, Nic had on a name tag with his address and phone number.  But even luckier, she was a good person.

I drove him to and from school for the next month, the What-Ifs constantly on my mind.  The bus driver contacted us and we met with her in person.  She had a long and impeccable record and was very upset about what happened.  Despite this, Doc and I wrote a lengthy letter to the school board and she was suspended.

We ended up putting him back on the bus. It’s almost halfway through the school year and I still get choked-up as he boards his bus in the morning.

This is the most exciting Bloom Day I’ve ever experienced!

Some things are coming to an end in the raised garden beds — the peas look like they’re about done, and the marigolds are being heavily deadheaded, but other things are still on the up and go.  It’s been pretty warm here (for New Zealand, anyway) so trying to keep on top of the watering with the water restrictions we’ve got in Christchurch have been hard on everyone.

The new lemon tree Ben’s parents gave me has so many blooms on it! They smell so good!  I’m not sure whether to leave them or to pinch them off though.  There are so many, and it already has fruit as well.

My coriander’s going to seed! Will plant some more shortly.  It’s so easy to grow, and even easier to eat! :)

I spotted the first flower on my capsicums!  Exciting.  I wonder what kind it will be — I ordered a ‘rainbow mix’ of tomatoes and capsicums.

I know he’s not a bloom, but I thought he was pretty, so Sir Jumpsalot gets to be in this post.  I thought he was going to jump on me several times — he kept following my movements and then turning towards me lol.

Some kind of cute bug in a rose! :) Some weird things have been popping up in Ms. Chameleon’s foliage lately…

And that’s why today has been so exciting! :) Ben finally asked me to marry him.  Or in his words, “make it official,” because he’s considered me his wife for quite some time already.

What’s blooming in your garden (or life)?

The birthday spread

Because we went to New York to celebrate My Other Half’s birthday, when his actual birthday rolled around on the following Monday, I didn’t have a whole lot planned. The celebration was the trip, but I figured I would make him a nice supper with some drinks and the birthday cake he requested – mint chcoclate chip from Baskin’ Robbins (so much better than Dairy Queen)!

I had invited a few of our closest friends over, but I wasn’t expecting them all to show up since my invite was last-minute. I guess I underestimated how much our friends like my boyfriend – because they ALL said they’d come!

It was a mad dash to pull together enough food for everyone. Luckily I had thawed two pork tenderloins to make my Taste of Texas Pork Tenderloin recipe, but I didn’t have nearly enough veggies, so I made a trip to the grocery store during my lunch hour.  The menu was all set – the pork with roasted peppers, zucchini, onions, corn and potatoes. I even whipped up a tasty dip for Monday Night Football after dinner.

Bacon-Wrapped Water Chestnuts

In addition, my cousin DeDe made Bacon-Wrapped Water Chestnuts as an appetizer. It was the first time I’d ever had them, and they were completely addictive and one of the best things I’d tasted in a long time! They were inhaled as we waited for everyone else to arrive. The recipe is super easy and is guaranteed to be an immediate hit at any party.

1 cup brown sugar
1 cup ketchup
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
16 oz sliced bacon
8 oz drained water chestnuts

Basically, you just wrap the water chestnuts with bacon and secure with a toothpick (make sure you soak them in water first!) Mix and heat the sugar, ketchup and sauce and then pour it over the bacon-wrapped water chestnuts. Bake at 350 degrees for 40-50 minutes. Be sure to make lots – they will disappear in no time!

And here’s some eye candy for you – the amazing birthday cake!

What a statement! Our society boasts in the accomplishment of two people brilliantly finding their soul mate and deciding to spend the rest of their lives with one another. We are lead to believe that finding the other half is the only way life can truly be lived.

That’s just great and a lovely idea, but you know what? America’s divorce rate is about 50%, and that’s nothing to boast about. When divorce hits, for those who believe in two halves becoming one, that “one” is then separated and the world gains two half people. Think about trying to function with only half of the ligaments on your body. How much more difficult is it to open a jar with one hand? Or run a race with one foot? Or see the beauty of a fall day with one eye? Not the ideal situation. Even if you borrowed a hand from someone, you’re still going to have a tough time opening that jar, and running a race with two peoples’ legs will be painfully uncoordinated. Are you seeing my point?

That’s why I think that first statement makes so much sense. I am a whole person striving to maintain just that and I have no desire to reduce myself to half of what I am in order to fulfill society’s version of love. No, when I fall in love, it will be with another whole person who thinks and acts all on their own, but who’s strength and ability to act can only be enhanced by my being. May it be known that I refuse to ever be dependent on anyone other than God.

A lot of my friends are getting married or dating, but a lot of them are not. Clearly, I am in the “are not” category, and even if I were in a relationship I could not imagine something so serious now, or honestly, anytime too soon. I have a lot of big dreams that I know are meant for me, personally me, to pursue. And having lived with myself for a couple of decades now, I know that if there were a boy involved, I would not be so apt to pursue those dreams. I have to pursue these dreams by myself now in order to build the whole me, the better me, and not to settle for merely a half.

What I’m trying to say is, and trying to keep myself reminded of, is that there is a unique plan for each and every person. America likes to give us cookie cutters to fill in, but who can honestly fit those shapes? Fall in love with God, follow his voice and his plans for you. He hears your heart and desires and he won’t leave you behind nor will you miss out on anything. In his time, all your wildest dreams will come true. But I guarantee you, you will miss out on something if you force yourself in to a shape you’re not meant to or if you limit yourself to being only half of a whole.

I’ve strayed a bit from my opening line, so I hope to tie it up here: don’t worry about finding your other half. Worry about finding the whole you, and one day, when that time comes, I think you’ll find that two wholes are much more functional than two halves could have ever hoped to have been.

When I was younger, sometimes we would have mashed potatoes for dinner (sometimes with skin, sometimes without), with peas and corn.  Pretty cheap, probably not enough protein, but it was dinner.

I usually love potatoes.  Probably not as much as my dear Ben, though, but they’re pretty high up there!  I’ll take them any way I can get them.  Mashed, in soup, roasted, potato cakes, potato rösti, hash browns, gnocchi,  french fries, and lastly, potato bread (which I haven’t had for about 7 years. Sadness).  Oh! Let’s not forget potatoes in a tasty peorogi, either.  Yes, I am a fan of potatoes.

Until two weeks ago, that is.

No innocent potatoes were harmed in this post.

I forgot to mention that I planted some seed potatoes in old recycling bins right before I left for Wellington.  But this blog post isn’t centered around those innocent sweet little seedling potatoes.

I filled my first raised garden bed with a mixture of things, one of them being leftover soil from the old raised bed that’s on the side of our house that busted apart on me.  There were potatoes growing in that old garden bed that have been there for years, and I thought I did a really good job at not transferring any over into the new garden bed.

I was wrong.

Potatoes really persevere.  They are hardy little bastards!

That bed was set up on the 26 of September.  I got back from Wellington on the 30th of October to find a freaking potato plant poking up between the green lettuces in the bed.  And not a small one, either.  A very large shoot, with lots of green leaves.  I was only gone for 4.5 days!  It wasn’t there when I left. I would’ve taken a picture of it, but I was just so shocked to see it there that I ripped off the shoots and hoped I wouldn’t see it again for another 4 weeks.

Well, less than a month later,  there’s another one in the other end of the same garden bed!  I decided I didn’t want potatoes in my raised beds, because they tend to take over things.  BAH.

Potatoes have moved down a few spots in my favorite food list because of these little renegades.

Ben just laughed about it.  Blatant potato-love going on there.  No regard for my garden plan!

Ben and I used to live on one minimum wage income when I first moved to NZ and wasn’t able to obtain a working permit right away.  We’ve come a long way since then.

We aren’t materialistic people (at least I don’t think I am?).  My pets, friends, and family mean more to me than any of my belongings.  Things can be replaced.  They come and go from our lives, and that’s the way I like it.  I think when you move across the world with only two suitcases of belongings, you realize that your life isn’t made up of what you have.

We don’t have many big new shiny things.  Ben’s mobile phone has been dropped into a furnace and looks like a burned piece of plastic, but he doesn’t want to buy a new one because it still works (I think it could actually be hazardous to his health).  Mine is a lovely hand-me-down from an awesome coworker.  We did just buy The Beast, but that was on our list of things we were saving for, and we are using it daily!

But we keep buying little things lately.  Maybe it’s because we’re finally at a point of being comfortable with two full-time incomes (this has never been the case for us while we’ve been together).

For instance, Ben got a hammock the other day, when he got our new garden security.

I’m really happy he got the hammock (and the garden critters), because I know he’s wanted one for years, and we’ve never had anywhere to put one.  And it only cost $20 so I can’t really get mad at him for it, either, since it’s not like he spent a fortune.  He loves it, and will get many hours of enjoyment out of it.

But we both do this.  We buy little things that we don’t need because we want them.  And these little things eat away at our paychecks.

Pizza.  Garden security.  Or things like Winter’s paw happen and eat away more money (that was needed and not wanted, but just an example of what happens).

It has to stop if we’re going to save for the things we actually really would like to have in the future.

I’m making a pact with myself.  No more needless spending.  I shall be nagging Ben too, in the most loving way.  We’ll see if he thinks it’s loving? Harhar!

I’m also going to make a list of what we’re saving for and stick it on the fridge so we see it every morning, and so we can focus on that.  Seeing things helps.

Sadly we’ve never been the budgeting type (unless we absolutely had to, for things like immigration fees, or when we only had one income, etc.), and I know you’ll probably think that’s ridiculous.  Maybe it’s time to go back to a strict budget.

Is there anything you’re saving for?  Do you have any saving tips that you found made it easier for you or your family?

Sadly, when I feel tired, stuff around the house doesn’t get done like it should, because someone else *ahem* doesn’t think to do things without me asking him about a bazillion times.  I finally broke down and sent him a really grumpy email yesterday with some suggestions on what he could do to help.

Not only did he do all of the things I asked, he also went out to the store while I was working and came back with new garden security staff for us, which was really sweet.

I think he’s cute as a button!  If not a little sad…

I need to come up for a name for him!

Ben also got this dude…I can’t help but think he’s a really creepy Disney dwarf knock off…

Definitely looks like one of the seven dwarves to me.  I’m not sure he should stay.  He has an axe.  And he seems extra happy, which is just weird.

Hopefully Russell gets along with them both.  I’d hate to see anyone axed! Harhar!

Dwarf or gnome? Keep or … give back to Ben to hide?  What do you think I should name the puppy-dog-faced dragon?

[12:18] Me: http://www.lifescrazyjoke.com/our-laminated-lists/
[12:18] Me: this is funny.
[12:20] Friend: lol
[12:21] Friend: you have one?
[12:21] Me: a list?
[12:21] Friend: mhmm
[12:21] Me: ya
[12:21] Me: currently
[12:21] Me: ian somerhalder is at the top
[12:21] Friend: OMG I FORGOT TO TELL YOU
[12:22] Me: o.o
[12:22] Me: WOAH
[12:22] Me: xD
[12:22] Friend: I realized the other day
[12:22] Friend: That when filming, I’m usually no more than about an hour away from that blue-eyed man
[12:22] Friend: since they film here in my city
[12:22] Me: i hate you
[12:22] Me: go to hell
[12:22] Me: rawar
[12:22] Me: *stomps off*

I know I’ve mentioned before my love of Damon from the Vampire Diaries. Unless my friend gets me a picture of him, she’s off my ‘lufflies’ category of friends on my IM list. *waves fist*  I don’t have many celebrity crushes at all, so I’m allowed to say this.

I should really be in the shower and then getting dressed, because I’m flying up to Wellington today (yay) for work and a friend’s not-baby-shower (it’s a halloween-do!).  But the clothes I’m going to wear are currently in the dryer (it’s raining!) and I needed to write a post today.  I’ll be away for a few days, so any posts that appear between now and … Sunday my time have been written in advance!

While I wait for clothes to dry, I shall show you some garden pictures!

The strawberries that I re-potted are loving life, looks like.  One of them sprouted two flowers the other day! I’m not sure whether I should pinch them off or not…I ended up putting the spare plant that wouldn’t fit into this trough into a pot of her own off to the side.  It’ll be interesting to see which of them do the best, the ones that already lived here or my newer ones I purchased a few months ago.

Sorry for the bad photo — it was really windy out when I took it and I couldn’t get the camera to focus on them closely!

My little gem lettuces are doing well — I have about 10 sprouted, I think, but only 6-7 of them look amazing.  Some of them have decided to root themselves sideways so I keep having to reposition the little suckers in their pots!  Do they look a bit yellow to you?  They were even yellower than this a few days ago, before I fertilized everything.

I called Ben’s Dad about everything being yellow, but he said not to worry about it unless things are actually dying/wilting, and nothing is, so far.  He thinks it could have something to do with all the chlorine in our water at the moment (because of the earthquake screwing everything up)– he’s noticed a few client’s plants aren’t doing very well this year, when normally they’re amazing and the only thing that’s different is the water for them.

My coriander is sprouting!  That’s cilantro for you folks over in the US.  I couldn’t believe I missed it the first time I ordered seeds, so I sneakily ordered some with my flower seeds and forgot to tell you.  They came up pretty fast, too.  I have heaps more, so I won’t feel guilty about eating this entire pot’s worth pretty quickly, yum!

Here’s to hoping Ben doesn’t kill anything while I’m gone!  Last time I went to Welly was over a month ago, and things were relatively easy to look after as they’d only just sprouted.  It’s nice to see how far everything’s come, though! :)

And before I finish procrastinating, I have to show you what Ben’s brother brought me back from Germany!  His girlfriend actually made them, but he designed them after our four cats:

They’re beaded kitty coasters!  I love them.  I think Winters is my favorite, it looks just like him. Apparently you just put the beads into this thing and then iron the other side (I would have taken another photo to show you that side but now I’ve run out of time).  I don’t actually want to use these as coasters.  I think I might frame them.

Ok, must actually get off my ass now! Wishing you a great couple of days!

How are your gardens doing?  Have you gotten any cool souvenirs from folks over the years?

While Leon & Moose were at the vet’s having their stuff done,  I decided to go out and get some more potting/veggie mix because I wanted to take my mind off of thinking of all the complications that could happen at the vet’s.

I got a bit more than veggie mix.  Oops!  It was all very cheap, I tell you!

They were having a plant sale!  I’ve been reading up on companion planting lately, so I bought some marigolds to put in the beds, and some lettuce, since my sprouts are still a ways off and my red lettuce seeds never sprouted.

The two things with the chopsticks next to them are swan plants — monarch butterflies lay their eggs on them and when they hatch, the caterpillars live exclusively off these plants.  Ben’s Mum’s one is looking pretty sad this year, so I picked her up two plants.

I used to have them in my garden at our old flat, but I know now that Moose is a butterfly-killer, so I don’t think it’s fair to have them anymore.  It wouldn’t be very nice of me to raise healthy butterflies only to have them die a slow death while Moose plays with them.

I managed to lug home a 40L bag of veggie mix along with the plants without munting the plants too badly! Let me tell you, 40L is a heavy amount to walk home with from a bus stop.

I hadn’t been home very long when our doorbell rang and a really awesome guy named Ben (lol) had our new treadmill for us!  Yes, we bought a treadmill.  I named her The Beast.  She was half price in a $1 reserve auction on trademe.  Exciting times!

We almost didn’t get it into the house, but Ben (the driver) helped Ben (my Ben) to squeeze it down the hall and into the lounge.  He really was an awesome dude — I called his company and left a voicemail about how great he was.  I don’t just complain when service is bad, I comment when it’s good, too.

Then Ben (my Ben) and I spent the next hour and a half getting the treadmill up & running.  All I can say is that we still have one bolt that doesn’t want to go into place, and that I really, really hate bolts now.  There was a part that wasn’t even mentioned in the manual!  But it was in the picture, so we knew where it went.

Now I have no excuse — I can walk/run everyday regardless of the weather or temperature outside.  Time to lose some weight!

My friend, Beth, and I also have this challenge going over on sparkpeople.com — we’re both doing the 28-day boot camp video series, and will be completing (hopefully) a free work out that’s available on youtube everyday.  I’m behind already (shh don’t tell Beth) but I’m going to make it up tomorrow morning and do three videos before work.

If you want to lose some weight, or maybe find a new way to stay focused on what you eat, how you work out, etc., you might want to give sparkpeople.com a try.

Do you have any handy tools that have helped you lose weight or stay focused on being healthy?

I wish I'd written this note. Srsly.

So it’s Friday night here in NZ and I’ve battened down the hatches, cleared off the front porch of anything that can wander away, and locked the side gate.

If you’re thinking a hurricane is coming, you should read about the plantnappers from last weekend.

I’m thinking the plantnappers (or whoever) will be doing a walk through of the yard tonight, as the last three times it’s been on a Friday night/Saturday morning.

We purchased a driveway alarm system and I’m ready to see if anyone comes along tonight or in the wee hours of tomorrow morning.  The freaking alarm is so loud it can be heard from outside, so hopefully they get scared away if they do try to come back.  I’ll be calling the cops if I hear it go off, that’s for sure, while trying to keep Ben from beating the crap out of them. RAWR.

Unfortunately our landlord was in Australia when I called him last week about getting better flood lights.  In addition to getting those, our dishwasher needs fixing, and so does the handle on the back door. The dishwasher is acting as a glorified dish rack this week.

Sometimes I’m glad we don’t own our own home yet! Maybe one day.

Ben wanted to buy a baseball bat, but I convinced him this would be a very bad, no good idea.  At least, I think I convinced him.  They didn’t have any at The Warehouse when we were there last, so I guess the plantnappers are in luck.

In other garden news, my nemophilia flowers are starting to sprout in my tire planters!  They doubled in size today.  They are really keen growers! :)  We had some really hot sun yesterday, so everything looks bigger than it was the day before.  I tried to get a good pic of them but my camera refused to grab them.

My mini Greek basil (first batch) has finally started to sprout, too! The sprouts are so tiny that they aren’t very photogenic with our ancient Samsung :(  And the french summer thyme that had already sprouted is really going for gold.  I ended up transplanting it into the big round bowl pot and planted heaps more thyme seeds with those sprouts.  At first I tried to keep the different kinds in different sections, but I decided to just sprinkle them wherever, so I”m not sure what this pot will end up looking like lol! It’ll be full of thyme, though!

I think I’m going to need to transfer my eggplant & bell pepper sprouts this weekend.  Unfortunately the plantnappers also made off with a stack of my medium-sized pots, so I’m going to have to buy some more.  Damn them!

New bean growth

My peas are still looking healthy, but my King of Blues beans are looking a bit funny!  I’m not sure why…might need to get Ben’s Dad to look at them. The kittens did get a good nom in on them before I transplanted them into the raised beds, and we have had a few cold nights since then, unfortunately! They do have some nice healthy green growth coming up, but their current leaves look a bit brown and their stems have darkened up some.  It’s probably just me being paranoid.

And some exciting (to me, anyway) blogging news — now & gwen got a link back today from Madeleine over at NZ Ecochick! You should check out her blog — she gives some really lovely tips on how to garden if you don’t have a lot of space and how to reduce the rubbish you produce & live more sustainably.  She also just got a new bunny addition to her family, and decided to take her out on a leash, like Damara & Leon! So cute :)

And some more blogging news — now & gwen has had over 1000 views to date! I never thought this would happen in just over a month of starting to blog. Thank you so much!

I’ll keep you guys updated on the plantnappers! Now I’m off to go catch up on some Vampire Diaries!  It’s one of my guilty pleasures that I will not be ashamed about. I love Damon.  End of story.  Ben knows of my love for Damon.  He likes Natalie Portman, so we’re even.

Credit for plantnapper note picture.