Have you ever felt so wasted

Trampled all over and tormented

Have you ever felt sincere love

That is so pure and white as a dove

Have you ever seen a heart that is pure

One that is loyal, one that you cannot lure

Have you ever seen a stupid heart-breaker

Who will talk to any stranger and ask for his number

Have you ever met a cheating spouse

Thought can love another then will be trapped like a mouse

Have you ever met an oh so true lover

“I love you” will he shout forever and his heart will never waver

Have you ever talked about the lies of this world

Said it can give you joy, but you only be whirled

Have you ever talked about dreams you want to achieve

With hopes so high, you will ever believe

-Summer Lee

Well, I did this while waiting for my teacher to finish what she is doing. And also have done this because I really don’t know what to post next:D I hope you guys like this poem and also can share it to others.  I think this poem can be an inspiration of how you can see our big yet small world. I hope you guys can anticipate the things I write here in my blog. Thanks!

Trying to touch my soul, to reach my past.

It stings me so painfully and throws me back out.

Head killing, flashing eyes – WHAT THE FUCK!

I just want to be with you for a secound, to feel your pain.

Let me connect, let us be together – i can help you.

Stop sitting inside me, messing my whole life up.

Come outside and talk.

Lets get through this shit, and be on the same team.

We can help each other.

I dont know who i am, or who you are.

We have alot of things in common.

Lets do this together, lets fight these bastards and get what we deserve.

Acrostic

Mind-boggling

Incest

Duranged

Different

Love

Entertaining

Sensual

Engaging

seXual

Haiku

Sexual Journeys

They are a monomyth too

Just in their own way

Im going to smash you down, for you were so keen to let me down.
Fighting back, getting back on track, ill be back, thats a fact.
You scummy twats, it was all an act, just watch me shine, see what will be mine.
Head held high, in my stride, i wont look down, wont have a frown.
Make up for the past, get past that task, it will all be a game, ill put you fuckers to shame.
I asked for truth, for love and care, you turned your back, i wasnt even there.
I look so weak, so grim, so meak. Ill prove your wrong, im big and strong.
Inside my mind, im growing fast, just watch your back, i wont forget the past.
I can only think you wanted me dead, i was so weak, couldnt even get out of bed.
More and more i cried out for help, you bitchs, you bastards, you could never know what i have felt.
You brainwashed piece of human scum, ill become so strong, be scared of what ill become.
Ill change my life for the good, without you in it, ill become what i should.

Bastards.

They come in all shapes, ages and sizes.
Their aim is to push me further down.
They pretend to be my friend , whilst secretly stabbing the sh*t out of my back.
They sense weakness, like a lion smelling zebra’s blood.
They smile to my face, whilst always thinking something else.
Nothing is real to these people, its all a game.
I spend hours thinking of how to beat them at their own game,
but i cant.
They dont even think about what they are doing – these b*stards.
Probably damaged as a child, but they went to the dark side, joining the abusers.
Maybe the way they act is just to protect themselves, but they seek and destroy others too.
They are attracted to me like a magnet, sucking me dry.
Yet even though i think i know their tactics and weapons, i always get hit with a sucker punch.
One day i want to be strong enough to see these bastards for what they are, and face them head on.
One day ill be strong enough to protect myself against these vampires, and they will no longer want to hurt me.
I will offer nothing to them, and they will find other people to feed off, while i become stronger and stronger.
Thats freedom day for me, the day when i can say i finally beat these bastards.

One day i will be able to flex my wings,
My chains cut free.
I will fly very high in the sky,
showing my skills in flying.
Finally a powerful bird, like a golden eagle.
Above the clouds, above the other birds i will soar.
Then i will dive-bomb, and drop one all-mighty turd on all those who doubted me.

I created you, you are mine.
Do as you are told , follow orders.
Conform.
Dont wear that shirt, dont walk that way.
What have i told you?
Conform.
This isnt your planet, this isnt your mind,
Do as you are told.
Conform.
Your arent going anywhere, stay in this cage,
Dont you listen?
Conform.
One day you will understand its for the best,
be like everyone else,
Conform.
Break-free if you want,
but you will see how lonely it is,
Conform.
Stay quiet, dont tell anyone,
most people are happy how they are,
Conform.
Things arent what they seem, i dont want to live life as a lie, i dont want to CONFORM!

Childhood wish.

Its my wish to be held so tight,
to be watching the stars at night.
Long ago that chance was took away,
now i can only hope and pray.
All those dreams are gone,
need this to sink in, before i can move on.
So many needs that will never be met,
so many promises that were never kept.
Time to move on, from the past,
because life moves on, very fast

Chasing a life,
Round and round.
Healing started, full of hope.
Focus focus focus, spinning around again.
Am i stuck, anyway who gives a f*ck?
Imaginary friends still around since i was young, never left.
Now theres more, the whole life is fake.
Another day, same old routine, put the effort in.
Looking outside, people walking by, seems like a different world.
So many promises to myself. Yeah yeah, things will be ok.
Waiting for a call, still waiting, do i exist?
Have no life, part of everyone elses. Take them away what have you got?
Dis-spirited, confused, angry, lonely, please world see my pain.
Who are we today? Mr fake or Mr faker than that?
The real me is there, wanting to break out, cant find the exit.
Please love me, please love me, but dont expect me to like myself.
Tell me im worthy, chuck me a bone to chew on, keep me busy.
Life so screwed up, what the hell is happiness?
Ill pretend to be happy if you accept me. Please accept me.
Yes im normal, ive worked before you know, ive had friends before.
Yeah im normal i can drive a car.
I must be so bloody normal yet im invisible to even myself.
Look at me but dont notice me.
Love me but dont touch me.
Be my friend but dont contact me.
Take away whats in my mind so little left.
Like a computer simulation all in my mind.
Unistall the program and theres just a blank screen.
Tell me you love me, tell me you care, will never happen.
Take me back to a time where the pain was so strong.
I couldnt see then, i was blind.
Now eyes opening to more pain.
Never-ending cycle, when does it stop.
Scared of the world, will i bring more pain to myself?
Never walked on the moon but im sure id find it boring today.
Looking outwards but cant see past the nose in this shell i live in.
Everything happens here in my mind.
Thanks mind for dropping me in the shit.
Thanks mind for taking away the only hope i had – the illusion.
Youve left me in a sinking boat you twat.
Can we agree that pretending no longer works then?
It doesnt no, but fancy showing me it all in such clarity.
Wow what a fucking existence.

The Road.

As i drive along the road, trees over-hanging.
Its late at night, and i cant see far-ahead.
I keep going, picturing the beauty of nature in daylight.
There are many turn-offs and diversions along the way.
I trust myself and keep going straight forward.
As sun rises, the world around me comes alive.
I was right all along, this is where i belong

Surrounded by a box,
kept feelings away.
Yet im sure there was a time,
when ive felt like anyone else.
How did this happen?
Through all the past trauma, love still found a way out.
Ill always remember those times,
they were so special.
Feeling the warmth of others,
like i belonged.
I want to believe these were true,
that you really did care.
I thought my heart was un-touched,
that my whole life had been a waste.
But you proved to me it hadnt, what we had was real.
Ive been cast aside by my past now,
but you gave me a glimpse of what life was about.
Thankyou to those people who gave me something to fight for,
for proving my abusers wrong.
The pain is clearing away, and im seeing clearer.
My energy is growing greater, and one day ill send out a message,
so we will meet again.

Photos of me.

Looking through photos of my past,
trying to see past that mask.
Sat with my sister, happy smiling face,
that isnt me.
Holding my teddy, curly brown hair, was i ok then?
When my journey started i kept looking back for a time,
when my mind was mine.
Kept looking back, mind searching for bits of ‘me’.
Maybe i can collect these bits and make a new me?
A real me?
Going back and forward in time,
searching for the point where i entered another place.
Trying to find comfort, an identity that fits.
Now the real me has grown enough for me to see,
ive never ever been me.
Just a collage of photos from the past,
of someone else in my body.
Nothing real, the friends, the smiles, they are all fake.
As i look at me blowing my candles from my 5th birthday cake,
this boy with his mind preparing him for the next 30 years of hell.
What happened and why? Everything back then looked so promising,
the young lad hugging his sister, the photos are just lying again.
To know that during my adulthood id never been myself, wasnt too much of a shock.
But to see that even as a child, i was never free, that id never experienced anything magical,
and the whole of this life has just been something from a textbook in trauma survival is sad.
Then i look at the photos again, and pretend that there was a time when things were great.
I have nothing real to hold onto.

Solitary I walk around,
through the fields…stretched boundless,
enveloped with mist and dew.
As it dawned…the rays take a peek,
lovely it is, serene and still,
old leaves fluttering… with the gentle breeze,
I pause, smell the air & feel the warmth…
while … the day opened leisurely!

-Dew

Abandoned straight from birth you were
Left alone to die
Hated and rejected no one
Listened your cries.
Your heritage and lineage is
From the unredeemed.
No one had compassion; you were
Helpless and unclean.

Then I passed by and saw you there
Writhing in your blood
No one washed or cared for you
Or dared your soul to love.
But my soul had compassion;
Wanted not to see you die
“Live” I said, “grow and be
I’ll make you now, child, mine.”

I made you flourish like a tree
You grew up proud and strong
But naked still you were, and had
No place where you belonged.
When I passed by again and saw,
I came and covered up
Your nakedness, and then declared
A covenant of love.

I bathed you, made you clean, and then
I covered up your shame;
Gave robes of silk and linen, and
Beauty became your fame.
You grew as royalty although
From birth you were so poor.
Favor was bestowed on you
Through God, your redeeming Lord.

But you trusted in your beauty and you
Chose to be a whore.
Though everything to you I gave
Your heart desired more.
You took the good gifts that I gave
Made idols out of them.
I fed you, but you hungered still
For approval and love from men.

Did you forget, my child, I found you
Wallowing in blood?
Did you forget your nakedness?
Did you forget my love?
In spite of all I’ve done, you left;
Rejected all my care
For that of men. My child, you must
Listen and beware.

This path you’re on will bring your death.
Destruction’s sure to come.
Woe to you, for you chose to turn
From the Redeeming One.
Through sin, you’ll find no joy or life
Your heart will always long
For more. It can’t be satisfied
Apart form Me, your God.

How sick your heart, your ways despised
For all that you’ve done wrong.
You’ve turned to lovers for payment
And rejected your true Lover’s song.
So, prostitute, now listen:
Your nakedness will be known.
Rejected by all you’ve chosen to love
You’ll find yourself alone.

I’ll judge you as the whore you are
And it will be severe.
My wrath and jealousy will come
And you’ll learn Me to fear.
Remember your heritage?  It’s what you’ve become.
You’re living as the unredeemed;
Forgotten that I am He who gave you life;
Forgotten my love, so it seems.

My child, please listen, and turn from your ways
Repent of the deeds you have done.
Forget not my mercy, forget not my grace,
Forget not the covenant of love.
See your actions for what they truly are
Injustice against the Holy God
Look to me, remember the great things I’ve done
Find merciful grace from my rod.

Do not forget, my child, I found you
Wallowing in blood.
Do not forget your nakedness.
Do not forget my love.
In spite of all you’ve done, I came,
Pursued you with my grace.
So, return to me, your Redeemer God
Return to your Lover’s embrace.

Somewhere over oceans a day was lost,
It took my resilience with it.
Landing in Beijing,
neither a muscle of strength nor wit of psyche
is accessible.
In flight to Chengdu,
my head bobs through transient periods
of sleep and awake until we arrive,
to the airport,
the streets,
the Jianzhong hotel.
There is a heaviness consuming me,
it swells, I am exhausted,
inflated with the air I traveled through
and I want to cry.
Entering the lobby I pick up my room key
and find myself in room 406
as in a dream or hallucination.
Collapse in a bed that smells of a different clean.
My mind fights to preview
the shock of morning,
shut down by the doors of my eyes.
Sleep.
Awake to the sound of car horns firing rapidly,
unintelligible speak repeats
on a megaphone that has no end.
These voices of morning still seem oceans away.
Across the room a person sleeps
who I do not know,
will soon be a great friend.
I glance to the wall beside me and run my fingertips
over the wallpaper
stained in dampness,
peeling away from the wall.
I think of Ginsberg’s Indian Journals,
still,
at the edge of my mind,
because that thesis just happened.
Remember?
I think, “I am nothing like Ginsberg”
I don’t want to be.
I panic.

Copyright 2009 Rachel Griffo

As you refuse

to own them –

the illegitimate words

that fertilized in the womb

of my mind,

(when your thoughts persuaded

my passion to produce

love poems)

I’ll throw them at your face,

I’ll taint you,

I’ll hand you the guilt

of their birth out of wedlock

if I’m ridiculed for their creation

this time again.