Yesterday morning, on my way to water aerobics, a thought occurs to me… what if my water breaks while I am in the pool?  Would I even notice?  As a good post-loss pregnancy type my mind immediately races to the nightmare scenario… my water breaks in a big gush in the pool, I don’t notice, I walk around for days with my poor little one no longer having any cushioning for itself and its cord without realizing it, it dies of infection…

Then I realize, you sure as heck would notice if you pee in the pool, at least the feeling of warm fluid is a pretty key reminder.  If your water really broke in the pool you would for sure notice that too.  Phew!

Then, of course, my mind wandered to the next nightmare scenario.  If your water broke in the pool, how embarrassing would that be?  I mean, there is a sign that says “No urinating” and “No defecating.”  Even though there is no sign that says “No releasing a giant gush of amniotic fluid into the pool,” I’m pretty sure that people would put that in a similar category.  I can just see it in my mind’s eye…

N (raising hand tentatively): Excuse me, instructor?  I think it might be a good idea if we cancelled the rest of class.

A disembodied voice appears over the loudspeaker: “The pool is closed for maintenance.  Repeat: the pool is closed for maintenance.”

For sure it would be a water aerobics  class no one would ever forget…

Follow-up: I am happy to report I made it through class with no water breakage events.

duh pagi2 uda dapet award dari bu guru sobatku yang cantik ini, jadi terharu secara ini awardkyu yang pertamaxxx.

thanks auntie desri, for being my friend, for share your happiness n knowledge… n o’ course, for giving me this award… hope our friendship last forever… n silaturahmi tetap terjaga baik juga dengan teman2 lainnyaaaa…. LOP U ALL, SAHABATS!!!

n award ini khan harus diteruskan ke sahabat2 yang lain untuk menjaga persahabatan ini tetap terjalin… maka this award is also dedicated for :

1. pakdhe cholik

2. mba nop

3. ma sista in law – tanti

4. yang katanya masi kenyis-kenyis, ismi humairo

5. bundo nakjadimande

6. wi3nd

7. zee

8. alamendah

9. abeecdick

10. tiwi

11. mas badruz

12. mas dasir

13. allz ;P

n of course ucapan terima kasih juga kuucapkan kepada mas wongjalur yang sudah memberikan award ini ke bu guru desri sehingga bisa diteruskan ke sahabat-sahabat lainnya…

last but not least (again..) hope these friendships last 4ever… amiinnn… LOP U ALL, SAHABATS!!!

Here’s how it went down.  I was invited by my sister Paula to take photographs of her new church.  She is having her church website updated and wants it before Christmas.

After three years of seminary and commuting to work part-time at a church near Milwaukee for even longer, she’s recently gotten an appointment at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, in Monona, Wisconsin.  She has been there for about three months as head pastor.

I am very proud of her and excited to help out in any way I can.  I went over on Sunday to get some shots of the morning service and activities.

She’s talking to one of the people helping her prepare for the service, a man, who notices me taking pictures.   She says something to him and  he smiles and says something.  She has an indecipherable but polite look on her face, which I can’t hear because they are about ten feet away but they are clearly talking about me.

I approach questioningly?

As I walk up she tells me: “He said that you got the  good looks in the family.”

A shocky-kind-of-limbo comes over me, which is what always happens in these situations, while I try to decipher what’s going on.  He really just said that to his pastor?  Seriously?  Should she be insulted?  Should I?  Yes, my gut tells me.  And yes.

This is one of the most subtle types of sexism.  A comment masked as compliment but clearly designed (whether consciously or not) to make women uncomfortable.

I say, “You got the brains.” as I try to remember that  joke about “age before beauty.” No that doesn’t apply and why am I trying to be funny, except that I feel uncomfortable and I don’t know what to say.  Commenting on her smarts was all I could think of, in the spur of the moment.

She says, “We’re just smart about different things.  You’re definitely the better dresser.”

We both fall into a lame quiet, while neither of us knows what to say.   They begin to talk about microphones or something related to the service.  I finally mumble something about more photos and walk away, feeling sad and wishing my sister didn’t have to deal with stupid people constantly reminding her she’s a woman.

Was it sexist of him to talk about my looks? To refer to and rate his pastor’s looks by implication?  He was meeting his pastor’s sister for the first time who cares about our looks, I mean really?

When I got home, after a twenty-minute drive, I was still bothering over it and I asked Tom what he thought?

And now I’m asking you.  Was it sexist and what would you have said?

Of course I obviously do believe that this comment was sexist.  It’s a work situation and a man is commenting on his pastor’s looks.  However he does it , no matter his motives it is wrong.  Saying something in a moment like that is hard because I don’t want to make things harder for Paula or create a scene. But saying nothing is worse. Looking back, I know that both of our silence is interpreted as agreement, indifference, or fear.

And so I sit here simmering, thinking about what I should have said.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

Resource:  I found this website to be incredibly helpful as I sorted through my feelings and the facts.  If you’re new to the topic or still sorting these things through, give it a look and come back and tell me what you think?  http://www.stopsexistremarks.org/

Pernah Business (Food Supplier) kat Hotel nih masa kecil2 dulu! 1980’s

Jammed!

Waktu Maghrib..Jammed!

Persembahan Dikir barat (tapi macam tarian endang pun ada) versi Arab…senang citer Kelantan + N.Sembilan

Majlis penyampaian hadiah (Aida Nazurah mendapat tempat ke 2 dan markah tertinggi keseluruhan untuk kertas Kemahiran Hidup) pada Khamis lepas di SRBK1

Johan acara keseluruhan sukan Tahunan Tadika di Puncak Jalil(Amir Zafri 3 dari kanan) – 22 Nov 09

 

Originally uploaded by M e l o d y

He says out of the blue, driving down the rode:

I want to live with you forever, Mom.  Because — what if  — I’m homeless some day?

Trying to understand what exactly he is trying to say, I reply:

You can always live with me, if you’re down and out or homeless. I would never let you live on the streets. Besides that doesn’t happen to very many people…

[pause to think and choose my words carefully]

… usually if you are willing to work hard (really Melody? homeless people aren’t willing to work hard?) and are smart enough to do well in school (this isn’t going well, because I’ve met homeless who are PhD’s) you will not end up homeless. (Which I know very well isn’t always true.  I considered launching into something about mental illness, and drug addiction and family, and job loss being contributing factors.

And then I realized he was just scared and I couldn’t make him understand something that I don’t completely.)

He said:

But what if I can’t find you? If I don’t know where you live?

I said:

You will always know where I am. You can always call me.

(And I found myself explaining about calling collect. )

I will always take your collect call.

Why is he thinking about this? He’s ten. Why is he so scared?

I hate sleep. There. I said it.

I also dreamed that I became best friends with a popular blogger (not telling who) and she taught me how to hip-hop dance.

Sigh. If only all these dreams were true…

I have to admit, I’ve been extremely lazy these days, and I’ve been turning to the same stuff over and over, for the main reasons that 1) it’s fast and convenient;  2) it tastes good and is pretty nutritious; 3) I can get most of the ingredients from my school dining hall, which I now frequent daily like a kleptomaniac…

Anyway. Here’s what I’ve had for several days now:

Spicy-PB Vegetable and Cottage Cheese “Mix-it-up” Bowl

Base Ingredients:

• onions, diced
• bell pepper, diced
• mushrooms, diced
• zucchini, chopped
• tomatoes, diced
• bean sprouts
• kidney beans
• spinach
• Soul Food Seasoning (from Biz)

Dressing Ingredients:

• 2 spoonfuls soy sauce
• 2 spoonfuls peanut butter
• 2 spoonfuls Habanero-Lime Salsa (from Christina)
• 1/4 cup almond milk
• pinch crushed red pepper flakes

Topping Ingredients:

• 1 cup cottage cheese
• 4 yukon gold potatoes
• hot sauce

Okay, first the potatoes. I roasted them hasselback-style, by slicing numerous slits down the center of each potato, but not all the way through. And then I sprinkled them with this amazing seasoning:
 Biz, thank you SO much for this. I’m obsessed with this seasoning now. I practically sprinkle them on anything and everything!

And then roast the potatoes in 425 degree oven until cooked through:
Nice and crunchy!

Ladle the cooked ingredients into a dish. Top with cottage cheese and potatoes. Sprinkle with hot sauce. That’s it!
Now wasn’t that the easiest thing you’ve ever heard! Well, next to pouring cereal in a bowl, of course. But this is much better. It looks more impressive!
Everything should be topped with something golden and crunchy…
Wheee! Look at it do a back-bend! Potato doing yoga!
Creamy, crunchy, spicy, peanut buttery…mmmm…
  Now, isn’t this the perfect college student’s meal?

But on to the perfect college student’s snack…

Perfect Foods Bar sent me two of each of the following bars:

• Carob Chip
• Peanut Butter
• Fruits & Nuts
• Cranberry Crunch (Lite)

Here’s what they say about their bars:

“Perfect Foods Bars are made from a delicious creamy blend of organic peanut butter and honey. The organic honey provides quick balanced energy and the added omega-3 “healthy fats” increase endurance. There’s also plenty of easy to digest, alkaline forming protein for immediate tissue repair. Enjoy this innovative approach to consuming over 30 different high nutrient foods not readily available in today’s fast pace society.”

Okay, peanut butter and honey. What’s not to love? Plus they’ve got 30 different high nutrient foods. But what about the taste?

Well, all I can say is: I’m not sure if Perfect Foods Bar is the perfect food, but it is the perfect bar indeed. Oh Em Gi. So. Freaking. Good.
  They just completely melt in your mouth like fudge. I store them in the fridge, so when they enter my mouth it is cold and firm, but then slowly dissolves in my tongue…a delicious blend of pure peanut butter and intense honey…
The only thing is that it isn’t mixed with all the artificial crap, so the taste is pretty strong, bold, and intense…not a bad thing at all, but you just don’t want to finish the whole bar in one sitting, or it does get rather cloying. 
 I think I’ve waxed enough poetry about Perfect Foods Bar. My conclusion is this: Larabar, bye bye. You guys really got to check this stuff out!

Another bar that I’ve really enjoyed was sent by my freaking sweet friend Natalie from Eating to Live Life After ED:
They’re called Spring Hill gourmet bars, and they were amazing. Once again, I chilled them in the fridge first. And they’re incredibly crumbly, buttery, and exactly like a shortbread cookie.

Here’s the Wildberry & Nougat one:
And the Chocolate & Oat one:
And my personal favorite, the Muesli bar:

Sorry, I don’t know where to get them here in the States. Of course. All the good stuff has to be somewhere else! Sigh. Well, we can only dream that they’ll sell them in U.S. stores someday…

A gay man living a straight life.  How does it happen?  Why does it happen? Honestly, it doesn’t happen as much these days, but years ago when I grew up, things were much different. I grew up in a small rural community where the county population was only 8,000 people and years ago, there was no way a guy could come out in a small rural area.  So, I went away to college, experimented with my sexually then was forced to repress it when college graduation approached.

College graduation—a major life experience for many people.  It’s a time of excitement, promise, anticipation and transition from one phase of live to another.  However, my graduation was a bit different.  My only job prospect was to return to my former summer job as a desk clerk at a resort hotel, a job which was fine during college, but not the career move I imagined and forced me to repress my sexuality.  I must have been totally in the dark about college career services or my college didn’t offer these services on a large scale basis.  Of course, it probably didn’t help that I did major drugs throughout my college years.  I didn’t even think about a career until I was ready to graduate. 

Yes, I did major drugs.  Not every day, mind you, but often enough, although smoking pot was a given every day.  I would smoke a joint on the way to class (when I actually went to class!) after classes and in the evening.  By my Sophomore year, I graduated to speed, downers, coke, ecstasy, acid and other drugs I can’t even remember.  I found a doctor in a nearby city who had a reputation for prescribing just about anything you wanted.  Each month, I received a prescription for one hundred hits of speed, a hundred valium, and 30 sleeping pills—the name escapes me.  I would sell some but keep enough to use on a daily basis.

 My day started with a hit of speed to get me going, pot throughout the day and evening, valium and other downers at night.  I would eventually pass out or go to bed then start the process again the next day.  I did the heavier stuff on the weekends.  Because my college in not in a large city, the array of chemicals was not always extensive, so we did whatever was available.  My favorite was ecstasy—such a great high.  I made it to class about half the time, but somehow managed to graduate with honors.  Finals were all-nighters fueled by speed and coffee and I would be up for days.  Enough about my college life for now.  Maybe I’ll write a book.

 After graduation, I returned home and worked at the resort.  Not exactly what I wanted to do, but my plan was to work there while looking for a real job in a real city.  The month after I returned home, by younger brother was married which left me as the only one in my family who wasn’t married.  Although my parents said nothing, I felt an unspoken pressure to at least date someone.  As many guys have done, I decided to push the fact that I’m gay to the back of my mind and live in the straight world.  

My first day back at the resort, I met a beautiful woman named Teri who was obviously a little older than me, but beautiful none the less.  She had auburn hair and had an air of sophistication and class, unlike the girls from my hometown.  I asked about her and was told she moved there from Chicago after her divorce so that her mother and father could help take care of her children.  We talked a bit, got to know one another and I found that we had a lot in common. 

I finally asked Teri if she would like to go out.  She said yes, but only as friends because she was too old for me.  I was 22 and she was 32—a cougar long before it became fashionable. She didn’t look 32 and it didn’t matter to me anyway.  It also didn’t matter that she had 3 kids.  We went out, had a great time and decided to go out again.  Even though I knew I was gay, we bonded in way that I had not expected.

I used to always want things to be hard.  Complex and unattainable.  So that once I attained them (and them was usually a him) I would…win a trophy?  Get a merit badge?  Or have a sense of accomplishment that only accompanies great effort and struggle and gives one a sense of justification.  And as previously discussed, the more untouched by grace I am, the more I need that.

I watch this Twilight craze unfold now, a craze I have bought into at least to the extent of reading the series and seeing both movies.  But there’s an extension of it beyond consumerism that taps into the identity of each participant–especially those who slept outside Rockefeller Center last week to catch a glimpse or even share a brief interaction with the human who gets paid to play the role of a vampire. Meanwhile, the one who wrote this story and created this world gives one interview on Oprah and goes largely unnoticed on any set or red carpet visits.  We sure do love our idols, don’t we?

I know I have.  Like most girls, I’ve always longed to be a Juliet.  The recipient of intense, complicated, rule-defying love.  ”Star-crossed” always sounded so romantic to me–the idea that a love story could be so powerful as to surpass earthly description and involve the heavens.  Then I found out that it meant that both lovers are doomed.  Due to their love.  I watched as Romeo drank the poison then seconds later Juliet stabbed herself and no matter how many times I yelled at them to STOP and JUST WAIT FIVE SECONDS!, it always ended the same.  And I began to wonder if such a love could be…overrated.

It became so for me.  Wanting to be the one who changed the jerk into a sweetheart, the rebel into a saint, the Speaker’s erratic son into…well, if not reliable, then at least Republican.  Eventually, gracefully, I learned that the change I was trying to inspire had to happen somewhere else.

So I jumped out of a boat, literally and figuratively, and lost my footing and my control and the water started to close in.  And the strength that carried me to shore was not my own.  Which was what opened my eyes and stirred my soul and made me uncomfortable enough with what I saw, my comfort so far, to leave it a thousand miles behind me.

Four years later, I sit in a theater next to my love who is neither vampire nor werewolf.  The space once filled with drama now holds quiet confidence.  Some risks pay off big time.

Faith is what gets us to and through them.

The paradox that is my faith holds all the complexity (and, paradoxically, simplicity) that I have ever been looking for.  This faith, with its stories of strength from weakness and heroes from stutterers and life from death, has the twists and turns that every other relationship is incapable of sustaining.  The twists and turns that save me and answer me and ARE me.  My story held within the gloriously incomprehensible, graciously reachable greatest story.  A story that contains the heavens without crossing stars.

Time really flies, one year has passed so quickly. Form 4 is definitely an eye-opener as it is not a Honeymoon year or whatsoever. People who have this misconception are absurd, as the gap between Form 3 and Form 4 is vast. People, like me, can’t cope initially and just keep on falling and falling, until a certain point. We have to strengthen our base in Form 4 as next year’s SPM will be tested on what we learnt during Form 4 and Form 5. SPM is a major examination in Malaysia, and most of us, including me, want to pass the SPM will flying and flamboyant colours…

I just want to make my own analysis about the Form 4 subjects, teachers… I love to observe things and write them down before I forget… Maybe some time when I am older, I may look back at this blog and go, “wow, I’ve written so many things!”

Chinese – Oh, the God forsaken subject that I hated the most before entering Form 4. Chinese has always been my Achilles’ Heel even during Form 1. There is something about Chinese that I feel vague about it and cannot fully grasp the richness of the texture of the subject. Plus, the traditional language of Chinese, which is included in our syllabus, adds more frustration for me, as I find myself stuck in translation into simplified Chinese.

Luckily, my Chinese teacher, Miss Lim Gaik Hoon, succeeds in making me to feel what Chinese is all about. She managed to make me feel interested about the subject and actually leaving me wanting to know more about the Chinese. Though I still need to brush up my writing skills, I think I’ve grown to learn more and to love more my mother tongue.  

English – I’m not trying to brag here, but I think my English is far better than my Chinese. Maybe it’s because I’m used to speaking the international language with my family members since young. I love English, I love to explore the vocabulary in English which will lave me awed and amazed. I wouldn’t say that my writing skills are good, I would just say that it is satisfactory. My grammar can be off at times if I am not careful enough. Sometimes, we tend to make mistakes when we are too over-confident at simple, petty stuffs.

My English teacher, Madam Khoo Ee Lin, is a good teacher. Her English is far better than mine. Her quotes in class are “Eh, hello!” and “Hey boys!” Ah, just step into my class and you’ll understand. She told us that she was once a hostile teacher but learned to control her tempers over the year. I think that’s something I need to learn, to control my anger inside of me that I don’t vent it out onto someone. She can be a bit long-winded a bit, but she cares for us deep down.

Malay – The oh-so national language of Malaysia that requires every student to learn. It’s a good thing, at least we can learn an extra language than the other overseas. wakakax. Screw you, cause I don’t like the subject, the vocabulary and grammar are annoying and endless… it seems that you can’t learn this subject at all, you need more practice, I guess. My writing skill is atrocious and I need to solely rely on the notes given to mimic the style of writing. I can’t write on my own… y’all trying to kill me if you are to take away my precious notes…

My Malay teacher, Mr Wong Cu Min is the first male Malay teacher that teaches me. He is Chinese and although he comes across as a stoic person, he has a sense of humour of his own which sometimes we get it, and sometimes we don’t. He is cool in a way that he doesn’t pressure us with tons of homework everyday…He is also my form teacher.

Modern Mathematics – Careless is the word that I can relate to when I think of both Add Math and Modern Mathematics. One little detail can change the whole thing. If you are careless at the first step, then you can say bye bye to full marks. Chung Ling students are famous for outstanding achievement in Mathematics. I can hear a lot of people getting full marks for the paper. I was like, how in the fricking hell can you get full marks? I get paranoid easily when it comes to calculations. I’m always not confident with my answer and have to rely on my friends. During exam, I sweat a lot… I think that this answer maybe wrong, then afterwards, I think that my answer is correct again. The mental stress that I have when I do Mathematics exercise is terrifying me.

Madam Ooi Soo Wei, the pregnant teacher, is my Modern Math teacher. She is very sweet and has an adorable smile, though she can be a bit “emo” at times. Do pregnant ladies get emo? I don’t know… She likes to interact with students when she teaches the lesson. She makes sure that everyone does their homework by checking at specific days. Of course, we like to run around to avoid the checking… She is funny when she speaks with her soft, squeaky voice in class. An adorable teacher, indeed. Too bad she is going to give birth to her baby soon… (can’t see her for a short while) I wish her all the best.

Biology – One of my favourite subjects in Form 4. I don’t like to memorize the facts only which makes my head turn right round, right round. What makes this subject interesting for me, is that we can learn many new things about the biological things around us, such as the function of different cells and the systems inside our body. It is amazing for us to know that may come in handy for us in the future. My Biology has been quite average for me this year and I wish that I can improve more during Form 5. You sometimes have to the risk while reading Biology selectively. Unless you have an enormous brain to fit everything in, you have to do some selective reading, and make sure you study the correct one.

Madam Pang Kee Tin, a recent mother, is my Biology teacher. I think she manages to teach us Biology without putting us to sleep. She teaches for a while and lets us to rest for a while to absorb what she thought. She does her own notes, which I like it, to ease our burden to take another text book for school. She is funny and caring also.

Chemistry – This subject requires 50 % memorization and 50 % calculation. I think this subject is fun when you can fully grasp the idea and the formulae well but if you don’t, you will be in deep shit because the whole subject requires you to understand and fully command a certain area. Till now, I’m not really good at understanding electrolysis, which terminal is positive or negative, and the quantitative analysis of different salt. These things just make me go haywire sometimes.

We changed a total of three teacher for this subject. My recent teacher, shown in the picture above, is Mr Chow Chee Kit, an ex-Chung Ling student. Don’t mess around with him, for he was a Chung Ling student before. He is not that strict but when he is desperate to get our attention, he will show his true colours. Although he is not very pro in Chemistry (but in Biology), he makes an effort to teach so that we may understand this subject, which I admire him.

Additional Mathematics – I was not so sure about where I stood in this subject, for it is a new subject to me. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me because I often find myself tangled between the complicated and challenging questions in the subject. I really feared throughout the year that I will FAIL for this subject as many had had. Luckily, I managed to stay in the average throughout the year but Chung Ling is famous for clever Math students la. I did well in the first and third paper but did not do so well in the second paper. Let us that I can do well for the final exam.

Mr Ang Chin Han, is my Additional Mathematics teacher, who loves to put technology into good use. Though he put his heart into this project, he always seems to forget what he prepared sometimes, which I find it quite amusing. All he got to do is press the keys and teach us, what a good way to not waste the inks of marker pens. The only thing I find is, that Mr Ang is very kind, too kind indeed. He does not scold the playful boys from behind, but keep advising them to tone down. I pity him sometimes for being so helpless to find out that the boys do not heed his advice.

Physics – A love-hate relationship do I have with his subject. This subject requires more brains to do this, rather than just memorize the details. I’m not a fan of tons of formulae and it takes a toll of me as I almost FAIL this subject twice in a row, and the feeling is not good at all! To apply which formulae on which question is what makes me so frustrating at times. My friends are all treating Physics like a piece of cake or a tank of water because they think that all it needs is brain, which I obviously don’t have at all. I simply don’t understand how the hell my friends can fully grasp this almost impossible subject.

Another Chung Ling alumni, Mr Choong Wai Leong teaching me Physics this year. Rumours has spread around the school lately, but I think how he dealt with the punches was quite good. I think the reason why we didn’t like him so much as the other teacher because of his lack of experience in teaching. I think he can improve a lot better by putting himself out there and be much more confident with himself. And, sometimes when he jokes, we don’t get them and maybe we really misunderstood him. I’m of no power to criticize anybody, so I just go wherever the wind takes me next year…

History – I absolutely love to read History since Form 2 because I happened to get a very good teacher that really encourage me to study this subject. To learn the subject, is to learn about the past and remember them so that we don’t repeat what mistakes they made. It is also our great opportunity to understand what our ancestors did to fight for independence for this nation. Yes, maybe we maybe we will fret, complain, moan about the endless history of a certain topic, but we are privileged enough to learn something that others may not. History requires 100 % memorization and 100 % ONLY! Learn the concept and memorize the details… Do not hesitate to waste time complaining about the subject.

Madam Wong Ying Pheng is my  History teacher for this year, and she also manages to not put us to sleep for this so-called “boring” subjects. She is strict and probably we are the quietest in her class because no one wants to make her mad. She is not the typical “FIERCE” teacher but she is strict enough to discipline the whole class, which I find it very good. At least a quiet environment for me to listen. When she prepares the questions for History paper, you will be shocked to find that what you read normally will not be asked. Instead, she likes to ask us about the “Sudut Maklumat” which we will all miss out.

Moral Education – Great, another SPM subject. All you have to do is to memorize the 36 definitions of good morale values and put them to good use in the questions asked. We changed a total of 4 teachers for this subject. Teaching and learning Moral does not require any specialty to know it well, but the interaction between teacher and students is important for this subject. I wouldn’t say that the subject is much different from primary, is just that the language has just changed from Chinese to Malay. We are definitely exposed to good morale values to be educated for the better.

Miss Jaslyn Khor Wei Ling, which I probably have to confess is one of the prettier teachers in this school. She uses a microphone to teach us, which I find it quite amusing, as she has a small voice also. She has fashionable clothes that she wears it to school and a current hair style. She teaches me Moral Education for 3 months only, and I would say that she really bond well with her students.

Now, this is a tribute to a few of my teacher who have taught me for the past year and will be transferring to another school to another state next year. I will definitely miss them as we shared a year together as a teacher-student relationship.

Madam Yeoh Pheng Geok, used to be “Miss Yeoh” but she is married happily and will be transferring to PJ (if I’m not mistaken) next year. It was a shock to see her being transferred but what could I do? Write a letter to the Principal? lol. She is a devoted and dedicated Christian which I was exposed a lot to Christianity because of her. She taught me a lot and I definitely thank God for her utmost help throughout the year. She is kind and she NEVERS speaks Chinese in my class last year in 3TA5. “I promise the Principal that I would not speak other language other than English!” said Miss Yeoh. At last, I heard her taking Chinese at the last day of school. Thank God! I thought she was unable to speak one Chinese word… haha.

Here’s wishing her all the best in her teaching and happy marriage days…

Madam Yong Pek Ying was my Mathematics teacher when I was in Form 2. I could not find her (which is SAD!) at the last day of school to take a picture with her. Too bad but I remember that she is very adorable and she teaches pretty well. I enjoy being in her class as it was fun yet interesting.

Here’s wishing her all the best too in the future.

Teaches, who have taught me in different years on different occasions, thank you all so much for your endless dedication to educate everyone of us. It must be tough but I believe that everything you do to help us, will bear fruits in the end.

Thank you ,teachers!

Part 3 will be coming to share with you my Gurney outing with my friends later that day. Stay tuned!

Up until a few days ago, there were no signs that anything might be afoot in the next couple of weeks.  I figured that like most first-time moms I would probably give birth late (average date of birth for first-time moms is 41 weeks 1 day).   That was OK by me, I am not in a huge hurry for the little one to get here, although I am getting quite curious to meet him/her.   The little one hasn’t “lightened,” the only thing that had changed was that occasionally I would get light menstrual-like cramps for an hour or two.  Nothing to be seen here, move along folks.

Then Thursday night I got cramps and lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions.  Friday morning the cramps started up again and lasted the whole day.  Woke up Friday night and… still cramps.  These obviously weren’t labor contractions,  but it started to make me think… something has changed,  labor could actually happen soon (although it could still be weeks as well, don’t get too excited, folks).

I am a bit embarrassed to admit that my reaction to this was… “sh*t, I can’t go into labor yet, I still have the to-do list to polish off!”   Despite busting my rear at work this week, I still haven’t finished everything that “absolutely needs” to happen before I can go on maternity leave.  The home list also has a few key items left on it.  The last two months I have been trying to polish off both of these lists but have been stymied by my miscalculations about how much energy a third-trimester person will have.   In retrospect I would say I have also been pretty bad at deciding that things that “absolutely have to happen” maybe can just “not happen” and everything will be fine.  Once the little one is here the illusion of control will be pretty much gone anyway, so am trying to learn to accept these things with equanimity, not an easy task for someone with my hyper-accompishment-oriented personality.

In any case I can announce a major milestone in the to-do list experience, yesterday we finished our baby shopping list.  We had been waiting for our baby shower this week to make the final purchases.  The great thing was that 95% of what we need for baby we got from people around us, mostly second-hand and hand-me-downs. It just doesn’t make sense to me to have to buy all new stuff that a little one might use for just a couple of months.   The most special batch wasfrom friends of ours who have been with us on the infertility journey and are getting their daughter from China in December… they had some clothes for their little one that are already going to be  small before their daughter is in their arms, so they passed those on to us.

Yesterday morning found Mr. Nishkanu and I at the (unbelievably excellent) kid stuff second-hand store here in town buying the very last items on the shopping list.  We have enough hand-me-down clothes to dress an entire army of infants, but for some reason no one in our very-cold-in-the-winter town gave us any baby sweaters or warm winter hats.  We therefore had license to purchase a few baby clothing items, something we were doing for the first time.  I have to say, despite my happiness about the hand-me-down train, it was a real joy and a thrill to pick some things out ourselves for our little one, things that reflect our taste and that we think will be super cute (esp. at a cost of $1-3 a piece!).  After 5.5 years of waiting, a pretty special moment.

Mr. Nishkanu has also been finishing up our bathroom remodel job.  He still has one major task left, building a new bathroom counter, but it can happen after the baby comes if necessary.  That’s a good thing, because that task has been a comedy of errors – he has been trying to get various parts needed for it for about two months, and he already had to restart the project from scratch once after the first counter warped…

The bathroom is not only usable again, it is starting to look great.  It was the one thing I really hated about the house when we moved in 6 years ago.  The house as a whole is older, with lots of character, but the bathroom had been “updated” in the 80’s… if by “updating” you mean “decorated in various shades of puke beige and green and gussied up with early colonial fixtures and cabinetry.”  We are more mid-century modern types so this was NOT working for us.  The remodel has dialed back the hands of time, we now have a 1940’s-ish bathroom with white subway tiles, funky stream-lined cabinet handles from the architectural salvage store, chunky fat porcelain knobs, etc.   It was an indulgence for sure because 90% of the changes we made are simply cosmetic, but it is such a pleasure for the bathroom to now feel like it is actually part of our house and not just a weird portal to a different – hideous – style.

Along the functional lines, we now have a window that actually closes (kinda key for our cold winters) and… the greatest indulgence of all… a thermostatic mixer in the shower.   Thermostatic mixers are common in Europe but don’t seem to be known here, and, peeps, you do not know what you are missing out on.  They basically replace the “hot/cold” knob with one knob that sets temperature and one that sets volume.  You set the temperature once, pretty much, and then just turn the volume knob on every time you get in the shower.  And the special magic?  The thermostatic mixer makes sure that your shower stays the exact same temperature the entire time you are in it – even if  someone flushes the toilet or starts doing the dishes.    After spending 6 months in an apartment in Mr. Nishkanu’s homeland where our shower had a habit of switching into way-too-hot or way-too-cold whenever it felt like it, it is such an elemental pleasure to have Total Temperature Security.  Garrison Keillor once wrote a column about his thermostatic mixer where he talked about how it violated his midwestern sense that a person should suffer, that he felt guiltily spoiled because his shower was always the perfect temperature.  Yeah baby, that’s what I am talking about… aaaaah.

hi people! what’s up?seronok at last i’m home with my family. even ayah xde, but still, jarak bukan penghalang. thanx to skype. hehe. cant tell la how much my mum happy just by looking at my dad’s face. and sumtimes can see her crying infront of the laptop. ngee~ sgt comellah my mum and dad. sgt seronok dpt balik umah. now ade kat sabah. melepaskan rindu kat mak, and adik2. tp da problem is, kalau balik sabah,xmkn,xsah lah. ’syaitan makan’ tu sudah dtg! makan je keje, xigt dunia. haha. xpe2, balik semenanjung kite g gym ye. hahahahahah

waa. rindu kat kete lah pulak. dok elok2 kat sane ek jang. 2 minggu je kite berpisah. haha. and missing my girlfriends already! huaa..

i’venoideawhatelsetowritesotillthenyah!; farisa

]]> http://mustikametafisika.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/racing-toward-the-esplanade/ Sun, 22 Nov 2009 03:23:25 +0000 Nas Ahmad http://mustikametafisika.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/racing-toward-the-esplanade/

Today is Sunday. A day since I was discharged from the hospital. The feeling was good even though I’m not fully recovered as yet. But Alhamdulillah, I’m doing well thus far.

Managed to get the best seats tickets for myself and a good fren for my new year concert yesterday. Kinda excited since I missed my chance to watch Siti Nurhaliza performed at the Esplanade in March 2008. Looking forward to meet her soon, definitely.

During my stay in the hospital, I managed to complete “Racing Toward Armageddon” by Michael Baigent. A provocative book that reveals too much but nothing much. Go figure what I mean by that. The conflict between Palestinians and the Israelies will never end though. And I really mean it.

There are still many unfinished books for me to “race towards to”. And just yesterday, a colleague helped me to get a new history book: “Singapore – A Biography” by Mark Ravinder Frost and Yu-Mei Balasingamchow from Books Kinokuniya. Very me. Just love reading historical stuffs. Haha.

I also read with interests the news online on local Malay community issues. Especially those sexual-related cases mentioned in Court - from an uncle who molested a young teenage boy, to a girl being gang-raped by five teenage boys in a Woodlands flat, and the case of a child-abuse by a so-called step-father-that-wouldn’t-be.

I should be writing about all these in my upcoming entries in Malay, but that would’ve to wait. I need more info and the facts right before I proceed, or I will get sued for nothing. LOL.

Meanwhile, let me rest for a while. My fingers are still weak to continue any further. May God bless us.

Ya Allah,

Jika aku harus merasakan sedih ini sebagai hukuman,

Maka akan kuterima dengan ikhlas,

Tapi segera ambillah sedih ini dari hatiku,

Ya Allah,

Jika senang ini adalah ujian,

Maka ingatkan aku untuk bersyukur,

Ya Allah,

Jika suatu hari nanti aku menyesal karena bertemu dengan seseorang,

Maka jangan sampai ada orang yang menyesal karena pernah bertemu denganku,

Ya Allah,

If tomorrow never come,

Maka jadikan ini adalah hari terindah dan penuh syukur padamu,

Ya Allah,

Jika aku tak pernah sempat untuk mengucapkan cinta dan sayang kepada orang2 yang kucintai,

Maka sampaikanlah rasa sayang dan cintaku kepada mereka,

Ya Allah,

Ampunilah segala dosa2ku,

Karena hanya Engkau yang maha mengampuni dosa2 hamba-hamba Mu,,

(Allow me to make some corrections for leaving out some of my friends)

This date is the last day I went to school as a Fourth Former with my friends. The post will be quite long so I decided to spilt it into two parts. It’s funny because I don’t really think that it’s the ending of the year, I just feel that there is more to come for us to endure and enjoy. The “Honeymoon Year” is finally over, and let me tell you, it ain’t no Honeymoon Year at all.

Form 4 has many goods and bads. My results are not outstanding like during Form 1, neither it’s not devastating like during Form 2, but to fall in the middle always makes me feel like I can do better. I definitely have more room to improve. I took my camera with PERMISSION, to capture my finest moments with my class 4SA3.

To be honest, 4SA3 was not the “perfect” class I imagined. The back are noisy and boisterous as usual… The both sides are damn hardworking and quiet… The front talks more to each other and to the teachers… Since I’ve posted most of the pictures in Facebook, I still decided to let the non-Facebook users to get an inside on what is in my class… You may see some pictures that are uploaded in Facebook too.

Every morning, when the sun has not risen, I will be standing on this spot to wait for my friend, Shaun JaKens, since we practice carpooling every day to and forth from school. We are protecting the environment, by carpooling. Just wish that more people can emulate from us. XD Anyways, I want to this chance to thank Shaun for his help throughout the year…

Shaun “JaKens” and I share almost the same passion, that is to sing, to write and to watch America’s Next Top Model (obviously). He is very outspoken and dares to make a statement in public, which I admire him for that. I have never been able to be so bold in front of people. He will be representing Malaysia to Singapore for an interact camp, after he was selected from a dozen of hopefuls.

Next, when I reach school, sometimes I will go straight up to my classroom, situated on the 3rd floor, or go to the Communication Broadcast Room for duty. Our main job is to play some music in the morning like the radio, and to make important announcements during school hours. One of the main highlight I like about this job, is to host the assembly. The feeling on stage is overwhelming. (ps: I like the attention too.)

The equipments used for broadcasting. It smells weird in the Broadcast room because it’ used to very stuffy. We cleaned up a bit and it improved just a bit.

This is one of the more active DJ, Wayne Lim (or chien ming) in our Club. He is our Vice President of the club and he loves to talk junk and rubbish through the microphone every single day. You can’t deny, he has some talent to think on his own feet without depending on any scripts. He has a sense of humour but has a terrible voice for singing. He can rap, he can act gay, he can dance( not really), but DO NOT go near him when he is singing. You should be thankful that your spectacles are not broken…

My other friends and colleagues from the club. Zonghan (The talented singer), Chun Kit (The Music Buzz-Ask him anything about entertainment), Marcus (President) and Wooi Keat (Good friend), taken in the Broadcast room. Zonghan always bullies me in class, but at least I got some attention from the back. I met Chun Kit during Form 2 and has been his friend for 2 years already, though in separate classes. I know Marcus in Form 2, but I think he changed for better now in Form 4, which is a good thing. Wooi Keat is one of my good friend from Form 2 onwards, and has been the way now.

When 7:30 in the morning arrives, we will all head back to our respective classes. Since today is the last day, the teachers are not teaching anymore. So we were quite free to do our own things, but not too noisy. Boys will be boys, how can they do something without making noises? Here are some pictures taken with my friends.

Left Picture: I’m posing with Alvin (left) and Edmund (right). Alvin looks so jubilant, wonder who is thinking of? Edmund finally flashes a smile on his face after acting so cool for so long… Both of them are my primary schoolmates and friends for many years… I think we have been friends for 7 years already.

Right Picture: I’m posing with Vincent (left) and Sparrow (right). These two are probably my closest friends in class and we talked a lot. I bug them a lot, I know. Chee Yang “Vincent” is quite sarcastic at times, but don’t underestimate this guy as he can beat you down with his academic results. I know, I’ve been beaten twice. Yi Jian “Sparrow” is a dedicated monitor who fulfills his responsibly well than others. He has a sense of humour and has been courteous and patient throughout the year.

TIME TO BE VAIN, PEOPLE!

Me posing with Zonghan (top) and Kah Beng (bottom). Zonghan has been quite the chatterbox in the box but with good English. Though he has a naughty side, he is very intelligent in his academic results. Kah Beng, on the other hand, is also palyful but may get a little emotional when he gets up from the wrong side of the bed. The two of them are friendly to me and they will remain in my memories. (sounds cheesy)

Me posing with Sean (eyes closed!), Kevin and Chang Sheng. Sean is one of the playful boys in the class but has remain “clean” due to his Christianity background. I never got a chance to talk to Kevin up close but I know that his English is super good. He does not like to smile… Chang Sheng likes to be goofy around the class with his dirty yet funny jokes. He can be very funny but sometimes, I dread his endless jokes in class.

Me posing with Cheng Chun Keat, Yeap Chun Keat, H’ng Lead Kert and Sky Teh. These are the more talented friends in the class. They are talented in different ways. Both Chun Keat are powerful in Chinese, Lead Kert is strong in his academic results and Sky is very active in Prefect and Cadet Police. I previously team up with both Chun Keat and Lead Kert in our inter-class debate to represent our class.

Me posing with Lloyd and Kooi Jin. It’s very hard to find Lloyd to smile in front of the camera, so I feel privileged to be in the same picture with him smiling. Lloyd is vocal and you can find him in a sea of people with his voice. Don’t think that his petite figure will be timid, for he has a big voice to shout without cracking. Kooi Jin can be a bit hostile if you catch him on the wrong day… A little bit crazy but quite nice to talk to him… He is also my “boss” that checks my secretary job as he is the president of the GERKO team. scary

One of my favourite pictures of the day. Me posing with Kah Beng, Kevin, Chang Sheng, Zonghan and Chun Keat. I swear if I have siblings like them above, I probably will not be here writing this post for y’all because I will DIED in the chaotic house. These guys are fun but I will not join them for too long because all the cheekiness is just CRAZY for me to handle.

Me posing with Khoon Hong, Jien Wei, Bi Jie and Yi Han, the more hardworking and silent predators in my class. They are very clever and Jien Wei has been the top in our class for four consecutive times… Once smart, always smart. Yi Han has probably the nicest, most neat handwriting I ever saw in my class. Both Khoon Hong and Bi Jie are the high authorities of the Librarians.

Me posing with Victor, Khoon Hong and Dominic. Victor is an Michael Jackson fan and is constantly imitating his vocal hiccups and dance moves, which are not necessarily on the note at times. He loves to imitate teachers also. Khoon Hong is the President of the Librarian while Dominic is part of the crazy boys in the class.

Next, friends from my debate team:

Ok, why do you have to go to Beijing, China to visit the Bird Nest Stadium when you can find just one on Chin Chern’s head? The prefect has a determination in everything he does, from studies to debates. He always keeps his hard exterior on the outside which is quite funny during debate. Kai Deng, the best speaker, never fails to be on top of everyone in debate. He definitely has a talent in this area and I hope he will continue to grow in debate. Khai Hean, the cutie panda-eyed, has a sense of humour which I think is cute. He is carefree but sometimes can be a bit serious.

Next, Christian friends of mine:

Desmond, Sean and Melvin. In conclusion, these people are very eager to spread His words around the school. Desmond was my ex-classmate in 3TA5, while Sean is my classmate now in 4SA3, and Melvin has never been in the same class with me before. lol. These people are good Samaritans and I am very happy to meet with them and to learn more each other and about Christianity.

Some more some more:

Me posing with Chee Jui, friend for 7 year plus and still growing. His curly hair is his trademark since young and has always been helpful to everyone. Don’t mess with him, for he is a Taekwondo Red Belt-er. lol

Lead Kert is probably one of my good friend in this class in the beginning of the year and still are (mind you a) because I still don’t know a lot of them. He is very helpful and I bug him a lot too. He never gets angry under tense situation and I really admire him for that. And, being a prefect doesn’t make him so snobby either. He still remains his friendly composure while still able to control the discipline of the school. He sits just behind me and I know him since Form 3.

Me posing with Chang Sheng, the crazy, playful friend in my class.

Me posing with Kah Beng, the emotional and whacky monitor of 4SA3.

Me posing with Dickson, one of the playful guys from the back, and his big buggy eyes as his trademark. He also has a girlfriend of the same age. Love defines everything, huh?

凯祥与麒凯，山林在远方

Me posing with Kee Khai, the very good man whom I never been in the same class with him. He always keeps his cool composure as we tease him with somebody. Come to think of that, I feel quite bad for him for teasing him so much. Maybe I should cut down on that, eh?

What will happen when Brandon meets with Brendon? Nothing happens! haha. He is my ex-classmate during Form 1 and he has a louder, bigger voice than me.

Me posing with Jason Ch’ng, a primary schoolmate, who also has a girlfriend of the same age.

Me posing with Cheng Chun Keat, the Chinese pro in our class. (ps: He loves to bully me)

Me posing with Kuanny Goh Chee Tatt with his I-don’t-know-what pose…

Me posing with B-Boy “Ilky” Tan Han Boon, who is also one of the playful boys in the class.

Me posing with Alaric, my primary school mate, who has a brain for everything and a scout too.

Me posing with Zhi Cheng, another ex-classmate of mine during Form 3. At first, I thought he would be one of the snobby prefects but after getting to know him better, he definitely has a soft side and is constantly joking in our class. He is also one of the prefects that doesn’t appear to be arrogant, which is a good thing.

Me posing with my ex-classmates of mine during Form 2, Chee Yong and Eric. Both of them are loud, opinionative but they are also friendly and courteous. Chee Yong is more sarcastic in his way of speaking. He aims to be the Prime Minister of Malaysia, which we will see in the future whether he succeeds of not. Eric had me confused in the first impression. I also thought he would be a haughty prefect and a rich ass guy too. That is why you have to talk to people to learn the real them because you can never judge a book by its cover.

Chao Dun is one of my friends I met during Malay tuition, the famous Lee Choo Hock tuition centre. He always jokes around with everybody, including the tuition teacher.

Well, that’s it, fellow readers for Part 1 of my last day in Chung Ling as a Fourth Former. You can check more of my pictures in Facebook (if you have an account, of course!) or you can wait for the next post to come. I will be posting pictures of me with my teachers and a little review of them. (not criticizing)

Till then, peace out and God bless!

damn it!

damn it!

Saya sangat menyesal sekali telah menyukai lelaki bodoh dan busuk seperti dia. huft . . bodoh bodoh bodoh dan boooodooohh . . .

Yah, itulah yang saya rasakan semalam.
Tetapi beda dengan yang saya rasa pagi ini. Saya kok malah makin cinta . .

Bingung mode : ON

—to be continued—-