With the attempted terrorist attack aboard Northwest Airlines Flight 253, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has supposedly implemented stricter security measures. These new screenings are, from what I hear, quite inconvenient. They include the implementation of full body scanners in certain airports.

Nacho Libre once said that beneath the clothes lies a man. And beneath the man is his nucleus.

With new regulations unnecessarily screening every single passenger boarding a commercial airliner, the federal government is already able to see what lies beneath many men, women, and children.

Never mind screening people actually fitting the profile of an airline terrorist (ahem…).

While I’m not Grandma or the pregnant housewife, new security procedures might eventually affect me…especially if the TSA resorts to scanning what lies beneath the man (i.e. the insides of a passenger).  You see, I have a plastic tube in my head for a medical condition I’ve had since five (i.e. Hydrocephalus. Google it or look at that cool picture above).

With new body scanners in place, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised if I got pulled over more than once when I fly next week. From the images above, that tube looks like a fuse to a bomb in my intestine (or something like that).

Commence super-paranoid TSA workers!

News flash: It’s not a bomb.

“No, officer. It’s not a bomb. It’s a tube to drain fluid from my head. I got it when I was 5 years old…blah, blah, blah…”

“Sure it is, Guzman. Have a nice trip…to Guantanamo Bay”

I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to explain this more than once to the three airports I’ll encounter . Next thing you know, Christopher A. Guzman will be on the “Terrorist watch list” and eventually  the “no fly list.” Before you know it, I’ll be headed for a discounted (i.e. taxpayer subsidized) vacation to the Guantanamo Bay Cuban Cabana Resort.

Never mind that I’m a Mexican-American.

This should be fun (as long as the guys at Guantanamo don’t deprive me of sleep by playing Miley Cyrus all night).

I’ll keep you guys posted.

Before you start launching comment grenades in my general direction, there are three very important things to consider regarding the following list of my 40 favorite films released between 2000 and 2009:

(1) There are a TON of likely fantastic movies I still have not seen yet, even from several years ago;
(2) As the father of two youngsters, I am subjected to a PAINFULLY inordinate amount of kid flicks; and
(3) My list contains a RIDICULOUS number of low brow comedies, because mentally, I’m still pretty much 15

So, that being said, here’s my list…

1. O Brother, Where Art Thou? – The moment I realized it was futile to hate George Clooney.

2. WALL-E - It took an animated trash compactor to thaw my cynical heart, if only for two hours.

3. Napoleon Dynamite - The single most quote-worthy flick since Caddyshack.

4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
4. (tie) The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - The greatest trilogy since the original three Star Wars films.

7. Remember the Titans - Call it cheesy schmaltz if you must, but it fires me up every time.

8. Step Brothers - POW! POW!  Indeed.

9. Superbad – Never has the male genitalia played so prominent a role outside the porn realm.

10. Frailty - Manages to be extremely disturbing and terrifying without lazily relying upon gratuitous gore.

11. Tortilla Soup - Not too many cooks in this kitchen; an absolutely fantastic ensemble!

12. Mulholland Drive - Trademark Lynchian weirdness and confusion abounds, but you literally can’t avert your eyes for a second.

13. Wet Hot American Summer - A smarter, edgier and sometimes even funnier Meatballs.

14. Snatch - The British Tarantino draws incredibly manic performances from his brilliant cast.

15. Slumdog Millionaire - Not only lived up to, but exceeded, its lofty Oscar-driven hype.

16. Gran Torino - One of Eastwood’s finest performances both in front of and behind the camera.

17. Inglourious Basterds - Tarantino’s WWII cartoon is lifted to great heights by an all-time performance from the previously unknown Christoph Waltz.

18. Old School - This 21st century take on Animal House provided a much-needed respite to all of us facing the otherwise grim prospect of a mid-life crisis.

19. The Bourne Ultimatum - Damon’s Gen-X Bond really hits the mark in this outing that recalls such great paranoia classics as Three Days of the Condor.

20. Nacho Libre - Jack Black may fancy himself more of a tubby troubadour, but this wrestling Mexican monk was truly the role he was born to play.

21. Unbreakable - Still the only good movie Shamalamadingdong has ever made.

22. Anchorman - A fantastic concept flawlessly executed to hilarious results.  The gang fight may be the single funniest scene of the decade.

23. No Country For Old Men - The Coen Brothers manage to maintain maximum tension throughout.  Well done, Friendos.

24. (tie) Kill Bill Vol. 1
24. (tie) Kill Bill Vol. 2 - Uma Thurman’s finest hour(s).  I’m still holding out hope for a Vol. 3 at some point in the future.

26. Fantastic Mr. Fox - Unequivocal proof that Wes Anderson’s trademark brand of indie quirk comes across much less grating when delivered by animated animals.

27. Sin City - I loved every single thing about this movie, except for the lighting during Carla Gugino’s scenes.

28. The Simpsons Movie - Kudos to Groening and company for successfully turning their half-hour cartoon sitcom into a legitimate 90-minute movie and not just three loosely intertwined episodes of their show.

29. Charlie Wilson’s War - Hanks and Hoffman both at the top of their game, with Hanks actually playing a flawed guy, for once.

30. Up - Leave it to Pixar to somehow make ED ASNER lovable.

31. Iron Man - Great effects and action anchored by the best superhero backstory yet.

32. Vanilla Sky - Most people hate this movie, but it really got to me, especially the scene scored by Todd Rundgren’s “Can We Still Be Friends?”

33. Cloverfield - Some real chilling edge-of-your-seat moments, provided you can fight off the vomit reflex triggered by the shaky cam.

34. American Psycho - A tour-de-force performance by Christian Bale, who demonstrates a unique ability to multi-task (impressively operating a chainsaw while crtitiquing the output of Huey Lewis and The News).

35. Shrek - A fresh take on a fractured fairy tale driven by pitch-perfect voice work from Myers and Murphy.

36. Tropic Thunder - Robert Downey, Jr. absolutely carries this one on his shoulders, with a minor assist from a wonderfully bizarre cameo by Tom Cruise.

37. The Royal Tenenbaums - A delightfully unorthodox take on a severely dysfunctional family, led by one of the most inspired performances of Gene Hackman’s career.

38. The 40-Year-Old Virgin - Nobody makes losers more lovable than Steve Carell.

39. Big Fish - Tim thrives taking these tall tales to theaters.

40. Monsters, Inc. - Crystal and Goodman make a great team, even when covered in fur.

There you have it - not too many trendy art house darlings to be found, but I likes what I likes.

Day 02 — Your favourite movie

As with songs, movies generally take the same course with favoritism.  During different stages of my life I’ve had various favorite movies.  My favorite all time movie I’ve adored since I was 14.  ”While You Were Sleeping” is such a precious, hilarious movie starring Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman.  This was one of her first movies … I believe she was about 25 when it was made.  I know it may not be one of her top of the chart movies, but it’s my top movie.  I have watched it religiously every Christmastime for the last 15 years.  It’s set in Chicago at Christmastime.  Lucy is a single lonely girl in the world who works in a CTA booth nearly every day…and especially every holiday…because she doesn’t have any family to spend them with.  She falls in love with this businessman who visits her booth every morning.  The thing is she’s never actually spoken to him!  On Christmas day he visits her booth and he actually speaks to her…but she’s awestruck and can’t say a word.  As she’s beating herself up about it, the man is physically getting harassed by a couple of hooligans as he waits for the train.  In a chaotic moment he falls onto the tracks and Lucy races to his aide.  With no one nearby she jumps onto the tracks and rolls him out of the way at the last minute from an oncoming train!

The man is taken to the hospital with a head injury/coma, and in a moment of confusion, Lucy is assumed to be his fiance!  Again, she loses the ability to form a plausible reply and the charade begins.  Enter the man’s family ….. Loud bustling Dad, weepy clingy Mom, Little Sister, Grandma with the heart condition, and the Jewish godfather next door neighbor!  And so the fun begins as Lucy is adopted by her “soon-to-be family”.  So the man, Peter, can’t straighten this little mess out, as he’s out of it himself.  As Lucy is praised for her heroic actions for saving their firstborn, Mom and Dad Callahan ask Lucy to join them for a Christmas dinner.  But there’s one member of the family that Lucy hasn’t met yet – Jack, Peter’s younger brother.

Through the celebrations between Christmas and New Year’s, Lucy and Jack become acquainted.  Lucy out of mere need of human companionship and Jack because he completely doubts that she is actually engaged to his older brother.  Through some hilarious twists and turns Lucy is mistaken for having an “affair” with her landlord’s probationary son and overheard sarcastically saying “Yes, I’m pregnant”.  All these things Jack confronts her about, but she is able to dispel them as false accusations.  Meanwhile, Peter is still in a coma, and Lucy and Jack are becoming attached to each other, without realizing it.

Peter comes out of his coma in the early morning hours of New Year’s Day and his family is at his bedside, including Lucy.  However, he doesn’t recognize her! Oh my! He must have a form of amnesia if he doesn’t know his own fiance…

And that’s where I’m going to leave it….You need to watch the entire movie for yourself because it’s a gem!

For my “favorite runner-ups” in the movie category they are the original Star Wars Trilogy, the new Pride & Prejudice, Nacho Libre, Last Holiday, The Mummy Trilogy, Indiana Jones and I’m going to have to stop right there or I’ll keep going.

Be thou not be afraid…

I’m told that Lucha Libre is similar to WWF wrestling. I can’t say I ever really watched WWF but judging by the moves my brother used to execute on the sofa cushions (and occasionally me), I’d guess it’s pretty similar.

Simply put, Lucha Libre means ‘free fight’ and is the name given to Mexican wrestling. It is probably only known over here thanks to the Jack Black film Nacho Libre but in Mexico, Lucha Libre is massive.

It was on a rainy Friday night in Mexico City that we headed for our first taste of the action. Outside Arena Mexico, known as the ‘Cathedral of Wrestling’, rowdy ticket touts hustled the crowd and colourful market stalls lined the street, selling all manner of wrestling paraphernalia; masks, t-shirts and key-rings. Much to my dismay, my camera was confiscated as we queued to get in, so I am sad to say I have not a single photograph of the madness that ensued.

We’d splashed out on the most expensive tickets (£15 each) and on entering the arena, we were thrilled, if a little nervous to discover that this bought us front row seats. Why nervous? Well, I knew just enough about Mexican wrestling to know that the action regularly spills out of the ring and into the crowd.

We took our seats and as the arena filled up, scores of men swarmed up and down the aisles, keen to meet your every snack-based whim. There was a beer seller, a popcorn seller, a chicharron (pork scratchings) seller, even a slice-of-pizza seller. They roared with laughter when I asked for a bottle of water, and asked ‘haven’t you had enough?’ since I’d been visibly soaked to the skin by the evening’s downpour.

The billing for our night of wrestling madness

They would make their way down the steps, taking care not to trip over their swishing cape or cockle over on their platform boots and would execute some sort of elaborate entrance into the ring. This would be followed by clambering up onto the ropes to taunt the baying crowd or soak up the adoration of their fans.

Serious thought had obviously been invested in developing the wrestler’s personas. There was Terrible who was a sort of head-banging, long-haired, long-tongued Gene Simmons-type character. Then there was Super Porky who was surprisingly nimble for a man built like Humpty Dumpty and whose signature move was to jump into the air, landing (vast) bottom-first on his opponents. There was even one called Virus, though it wasn’t clear if he was H1N1. My favourite wrestler of the night was Maximo, a sort of Perez Hilton-lookalike in a tutu whose deadly move was to kiss his opponents. He played the part magnificently and sent the crowd wild.

Six or so wrestlers would emerge, one after the other, before a series of matches would begin. It was hard to make out what was supposed to happen; sometimes it would be one-on-one and other times, it would seem to descend into a free-for-all.

But then Lucha Libre is not really about strict rules; it’s all about the eye-popping pantomime of carefully choreographed moves, though to an un-trained eye, it was like watching a party of seven year old boys on a bouncy castle, after a heady cocktail of E-numbers. The unself-conscious way in which these grown men threw themselves about was so engaging and despite their physiques, they had amazing stamina.

Then the inevitable happened, the fight spilled out into the crowd and before I knew what was happening, a vast, bare-chested, sweating hulk of a man was lying at my feet; pinning me to my seat and leaving me unable to evade the TV cameras. I had my 5 seconds of TV fame as my bedraggled mug was projected on the big screen. Not my finest hour.

Of course, like those people who don’t realise that TV soaps are works of fiction, there were also wrestling fans who got entirely caught up and carried away by the action. My favourite was an old crone in a fleece, sitting alone and vehemently shouting foul-mouthed abuse at the wrestlers. Every ‘Cabron!’ filled rant left all those within earshot, struggling to contain their giggles. I wished she’d been sitting nearer the front, as she’d definitely have had a pop, given half a chance.

After nearly three hours of wrestling madness, we bounced out of the arena hoarse but invigorated. It had been fantastic fun and quite simply, the most hilarious spectator sport I have ever encountered.

Lucha Libre masks for sale in Mexico City

There comes a time in every man’s life when…he stands in front of a mirror wearing tight spandex…i haven’t hit that point yet. But there also comes a time in every man’s life when he must shamelessly give a plug for himself. I have hit this point. And this blog will expound on that.

Whether or not you know my life goals, the big one is to proclaim the good news of Jesus Christ through music. Well a competition has arisen that opens an avenue into the tough Christian music industry (tough if you’re not fond of shallow, emotion-driven praise songs). The competition is on a site called cmsongwriter.com. I’ll post the link that directs you to my profile page. All you have to do is register (for free) and cast your vote. What’s great is you can vote once every day (which,if you’re voting for me, I’d highly encourage that). The competition runs til the end of November…i know,that’s a long time,but the way it’s looking with my competition,I’m gonna need a good amount of votes every day. Now here’s the link:

http://www.cmsongwriter.com/artist.php?id=89

While I have your rapt attention, I would like to note something this competition has brought to surface. Trying to be humble is one lesson,but even more so than that has been that of friendship. As I write this, I have 41 votes and roughly 365 profile views. The next person down (who ironically has entered a song that mostly fits my description of CCM songs in general..ok,ok,it’s not a bad song,the lyrics just need color) has 37 votes as of this writing and over 1200 profile views. I’m in the lead. I am only there because of my friends. Had I trusted on the song being “good enough” to wrangle in curious visiters to the site,I probably wouldn’t be in 1st place right now. So I owe much to my friends. Even though this competition is only a few days old (with many more to go), I have already seen the love,support, and enthusiasm of my friends.

Thank you..God has truly blessed me and I’m already ahead of Thanksgiving.

On a lesser note, my keyboard is acting up..this cannot be a good sign.

PREFACE: I mentioned back in Random Factoid #42 that I had gone through a stint of reviewing movies when I was 13. After rummaging through my old home computer, I managed to find some of these reviews. In a special five day mini-series, I will reveal these reviews in their unadulterated form. I leave it up to you to comment, see how my style has changed (or maybe hasn’t). The fourth and penultimate review is of “Nacho Libre,” the second film from the creators of cult hit turned mainstream “Napoleon Dynamite.”

Napoleon Dynamite became a comic success because of how incredibly pathetic it was.  After watching it, you were left to think, “What was that?”  Nacho Libre was advertised to be just that, but this movie actually had a plot.  I’m not so sure that is such a good thing.  Napoleon Dynamite was an anti-climatic string of strange and pitiful events, and Nacho Libre was awkward nonetheless.  I expected it to be Napoleon Dynamite Goes Mexico, and I couldn’t have been more wrong.  Jon Heder put his soul into Napoleon because no one knew who he was, so he had nothing to lose by performing the hell out of him.  Jack Black, on the other hand, feels afraid to dive into character.  He plays the friar Ignacio (nicknamed Nacho) at a Mexican monastery who cooks for the orphans.  However, he has two ungodly interests…wrestling and a new nun at the monastery (played by Ana de la Reguera).  He has no money to buy fresh food with, so he is often left to brew awkward concoctions with chips that a local restaurant owner leaves for him.  While picking up these chips, he gets attacked by a limber homeless guy who steals the chips.  Nacho later recruits this drifter to be his wrestling partner.  Together, they become “Lucha Libre” fighters.  

(NOTE: I get the feeling that this review was unfinished due to its brevity.  I don’t feel right trying to finish it, given the desired effect of posting these reviews.)

Hey folks,

I’m in need of some suggestions for Halloween this year. Here are my two questions for you.

Question #1:

I have purchased a pumpkin in the hopes of carving a crazy and unique jack-o-lantern. But at this point in time, I have no clue what to put on it. Thoughts?

Question #2:

The 31st is quickly approaching and I have a few ideas in my head for this year’s costume. They are:

Joaquin Phoenix

Zach Galifianaskis

Jack Black

So, whaddya think?

Thanks for your help.

Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Mine are to sit on my ass until I become the size of Jabba the Hutt and need a skiff to transport my awesome girth. Unfortunately that dream doesn’t pay the bills. So sometimes I dream of being a professional hockey player but then I remember that I am 31 years old, haven’t played competitively in over two years and have blown out my knee three times. Other times I dream of being a rock star but then remember that my musical talent is minimal at best (I can make noise come out of my instruments) and I sound like a dying cat. I do however have a passion for something that I have been told by people other than my mother that I have some natural ability in, that of course is writing.

Over the last few months I have started chasing after the dream of being a professional writer more seriously and aside from sending out resumes and cover letters I am attempting to put together an online portfolio of my collected published writings. When I talk of these writings I do not refer to the work I have posted on my personal blogs (like this one you are reading now) but rather sites that have requested and/or recruited my work for their sites. Some of my material is long gone, in the early 2000s I wrote film and music reviews for a site called the Soap Box which is no longer in existence, along with links to my published work. However a good portion of my writing is still out there on servers around the globe and I am working on compiling them for use in this portfolio.

Embarking on this is certainly an interesting endeavor from a personal standpoint. As you can imagine, it is weird to look back and actually see your writing style (and skill) evolve over time. Sadly a lot of what I wrote for the first site I am combing has been corrupted from various site changes and content management adjustments over the four years since my first work appeared on their site. I have however been able to salvage a small handful of critical reviews (if you want to call them that) for use in my portfolio.

But it would not be fair for me to just smugly tell you about these old pieces and then not allow you to read them, so have at it:

Saw II
Wicked
Nacho Libre
Cars

I also managed to dig up a couple other pieces that I find fairly funny from a retrospective point of view.

Damn Commies Strike Again – I hold a long standing belief that the state of New Jersey is a communist state and the actions described in this helped make my case.
Joel Siegel is a Dick – A piece where I call Joel Siegel a disgrace to film critics in something of a fanboy rant.

Hopefully, those of you that read my work regularly, can see the evolution from these pieces to how I write now.  (God, I hope they can see a difference)

Another piece, my 300th published article on the Philadelphia Metblogs, that I am not going to share with you directly, still rings true for me in a lot of ways. In that piece I presented a top ten reasons for writing there. This post tonight, is nothing special but I present you with my nine reasons I write.

9. From my couch I can mock the Eagles. I hate them so.
8. From the same couch I can cover the Flyers.
7. I get to debate stuff in a large forum with people, because it is fun to argue even if I do not agree with the point I am making. I like to be able to voice my opinion even when I am so obviously wrong.
6. I do it for the chicks. No, seriously.
5. OK, I lied about the number six because I am not getting any chicks from writing this stuff but if I was single I’m sure I could.
4. I’m able to increase the readership of my lame movie reviews.
3. I’m able to increase my readership of any of my rambling for that matter.
2. I get to hang out in the most diverse arena in the world (the internet) with some pretty cool people outside of my normal circle of friends and sometimes drink while doing it.
1. I do it for me. Because I love it.

-chris

August in California:

Is this some great feat in protection against my land, my thoughts, my beliefs?  Have I a stood up and battled with evil, defeating my enemies and foes?

It’s unlikely, but either I have a rockin’ stalker, or rockin’ lil fan base building, either way, kudos to that.

I’m hyped up on my hydro from being le sick and can’t sleep.  So you have the joy of my randomness at 4 this lovely a.m.

Feeling very lonely today, as per usual, pretty funny for a married lass, isn’t it?

I love animals, because they are sympathetic to it.  My poor retarted kitten (and yes a said retarted- a tart being a prostitute, thus a prostitute revisited, for whatever reason, usually the money, or simple pleasure, you pick).  But alas, as usual I digress.  My sweet lil kitten is all curled up next to me, can’t tell if he’s having seizures, good dreams, or bad dreams.  Wish I could climb in his little brain.  I wonder what I’d see? Big scary loud monsters or fluffy cotton balls, scratching posts, and lil rodents that never die, but want to perpetually play!

Have you ever looked at a pygmy any type of animal? They are cute as shit, perhaps because they are very small, and likely to be eaten accidentally by falling in your soup bowl, or swept under a rug, but as my friend, Michael, says, “I don’t trust the little fuckers, can you imagine anything that small stalking you in the middle of the night?”  What a pleasant thought, my friends aren’t paranoid at all, are they?  I relish the thought.  It’d be like playing hide and seek, but not quite as scary as playing with a polar bear or a fucking anaconda.  It’d be more like playing with an impish toddler, which makes me smile, as long as said toddler is not mine and I can drown him or give him back when I’m bored.

If my cats are bad, I spray them with a water bottle or chase them around the house, I wonder if this would make for good parenting skills, or if DHR would be all over my white ass?  One of my cats thinks he’s a little badass, and the water bottle is 100% moot, not only does he LOVE water, and will jump in the shower and scare the bejesus out of me, he’ll also pop my ass back, like “get that corn outta my face”.  Oh Nacho Libre how I love you.

I guess that is it for now.  I’ve promised John Locke, Jonathan Swift, and many other philosophical rants, but quite frankly, my brain and heart are not in the right spacial plane.  I mostly feel like bitching or making nonsensical blogs, in due time my friends.  Can’t wait for your clever banter on the subjects.

Hell, I’ve nothing better today.  Who here, thinks Jonathan Swift is the shit?? If you don’t know who he is, I suggest you look it up.  It might actually make you like reading, and you might learn something outside of what’s on E or Melrose Place tonight.  So anyway, this cat lived during the Irish potato famine I believe it was.  Now my peeps, the drunken Irish folks, and yes I can say that, because I am one, so no getting pissy, unless you want me to commit a felony on your face, which would be very Irish of me, seem to be in an incessant famine of some sort, as if it’s innate or inherent, I dunno.

Yet again, digression, it seems my favorite thing to do.  First I’ll say, my clever friend Brad says, “why the fuck do they ever have a famine of any kind, they are fucking surrounded by water, seriously, what the fuck?”  My only guess to this, is a) you should have been alive then and maybe I’d have more ancestors, or b) all of the drunken shenanigans scared the little fishies off.

So anyway in his essay A Modest Proposal, he comes up with the PERFECT, quite clever solution.  In a nutshell, he says, you have continual famine and I’ve got a brilliant way to end it.  EAT YOUR sweet lil TODDLERS!  How clever, he even tells about how well to feed them, and what age, weight, and height they’d taste best at.  What a clever mother fucker.  Now if this was written now, much like my crap I call prose, I’d either get a raised eye brow, shakes head response, or that’s so 1980s, but this fucker lived in the 1700s!! Sure it would likely bring out an outbreak of Crutchfield Jacob’s disease, but hell, that would only help, right?

Now don’t tell me that isn’t fucking clever as HELL.  I would give anything to sit down with this guy, have a beer, and pick his brain, and not in the American Beauty way, I do not wish to fuck the real estate king.  Anyway, wow, I just love that he had the balls and audacity to say this to a poor underprivileged country.

Now, I’m not condoning genocide or anything of the such, but come one, that’s pretty fucking funny, and he was obviously joking…or was he.  Either way, he is my total fucking hero, and one can only hope to be reincarnated with such brilliance.  Hopefully, it wasn’t Hitler or anyone from the Sudanese government, as that would be useless to us all.

Digression has become quite the obsession for me, and yes, I think I’m clever in a “green eggs and ham” sense and you, likely, are jealous, or very afraid of the depths of my mind, as I am.  And if you aren’t impressed, the jokes on you, because I still get my fucking blog hit, so big fat fucking HA to that.

Now back to old Swift. I like to pretend my daddies (yep it’s the plural sense, my mommies and daddies rock so much they count as two a piece) is someone related to the brilliant man based on an uncommon disease they share.

Any of you ever hear of Meniere’s Disease?  Basically it’s a debilitating disease (meaning there’s no cure, but a treatment for it) my poor daddies and ole Swift share this irritating illness.  It causes vertigo, puking, and all of that fun jazz as it eats away at the inner ear.  It’s probably why my daddies always says, “Heah” real loud when you ask a question.  Either that, or he’s a rude fucking Yankee, which is also the case, so I’ll let you pick.  The man has been out of New York for about 30 years and still cusses and sounds like a damn Yank.  At least we don’t fight over the Sox/Yanks feud.  My daddies would totally lose.  He’s short and impish so I could spray him with water or drown him, whichever suits me best at the time.

rant over.  Now aren’t you glad and scared?  You should likely lock your doors tonight, as I am over-tired and hyped up on meds, SO it might be in your best interest.  I might lurk for some lil pygmies in the dead of the night, either that or fall asleep drooling on my retarted (see how easy and natural it is to use!!) kitten.

Loves in shit.  Do something important with your life, if you don’t who will?

Sara Bachelder of Mexico Casting is a national casting company. They have a very extensive casting resume and have been involved in the following productions:

Fast and Furious – Columbia / Sony Pictures
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan – Columbia / Sony Pictures
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (South of the Boarder)
The Heartbreak Kid – Dreamworks / Paramount
The Hunting Party – The Weinstein Co.
Vantage Point – Columbia / Sony Pictures
Nacho Libre – Paramount
and many more…

Jack Black in "Nacho Libre"

“Nacho Libre” was one of my most anticipated movies of 2006.  How can a movie starring Jack Black as a Mexican wrestler be anything but stellar.  Look at the poster for the movie.  That just oozes cool.  After seeing the movie I was quite distraught.  There were some very funny parts, but over all the movie seemed so bland.

Most people that know me, know that I was not a fan of “Napoleon Dynamite”.  That was a movie that grated my brain.  There was nothing funny about it.  I’m not sure what exactly hooked it in to cult status.  But oh well. 

Black plays Ignacio, a Mexican priest working at an orphanage.  He cooks them food that looks like gruel.  He complains that he is not given enough money to cook them a tasty meal.  So he starts moonlighting as a luchador in the evenings.  His wrestling name is Nacho.  Night after night he gets his ass handed to him by all sorts of strange dudes.  These scenes are the funniest in the movie.  I especially liked the final move that brings down Ramses, the current champion.  It is everything outside of the ring that is quite boring. 

I can’t quite put my finger on it exactly.  I think Jared Hess’ style of filmmaking does not really suit a wrestling movie starring Jack Black.  There needs to be a kind of manic energy in more scenes.  Hess seems very laid back.  Almost in the vein of Wes Anderson.  Its weird to see two different styles clashing on the screen.  I guess I was expecting something different. 

I almost do not want to deter you from seeing this film.  There is lots of good in it.  But after its over, I think you will have that same sort of empty feeling I had.  Nothing really gelled together here, which is a shame because there is tons of potential here. 

From the director of Napoleon Dynamite & Nacho Libre (one of my favorites):

Hell yeah.

Nacho Libre (2006)

Sam – Jack Black looks like my uncle Terry in this movie.  My Uncle held the Luchador middle class championship belt for 6 months before he had to quit due to back injuries.  He ended up working at various Ford dealerships in St. Louis as the new car manager at each one.  He’d bring home dealer cars when he lived with us and I’d get to take them out whenever he was spending the rest of the night at home.  Often initiated by the phrase, “I’ll buy if you fly”.  I got to take out a ZX2 with only 28 miles on it when I got the keys.  I returned it just under 100.  Me and Liz also got a convertible Mustang at one point that we may or may not have dropped the transmission on while in the parking lot of Linen & Things in the middle of the night.  Our friends were very impressed.  Nacho Libre is a well shot and well directed movie.  I absolutely love watching Jack Black deliver his lines in what I assume was meant to be a Mexican accent.

Tim – I avoided this movie after I heard it was by the Napoleon Dynamite dudes. Hated that movie. But this, this was a pleasant surprise. Congrats TBS…I will now RENT a film I saw on your network, so that I may enjoy it without Yaz.

Josh – No tengo review.

Things said during movie (not-review):

- “Sean, our conversations would all go a lot more smoothly if you’d just admit that you’re a racist.”

You’ve seen the poster (below), now watch the awesome trailer! Then try and stave off the excitement by telling yourself that it could be another Nacho Libre. Remember kids, a pessimist is never disappointed.

The new movie from Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite, Nacho Libre) stars Sam Rockwell (The Green Mile), Michael Angarano (Lords of Dogtown) and, excitingly, Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords). After the disappointment of Nacho Libre this could go either way for Hess. but the Wikipedia premise shows promise:

Gentlemen Broncos tells the story of a homeschooled teenage outcast and aspiring fantasy writer. He attends a fantasy convention to show off his work and finds his idea, Yeast Lords, becomes ripped off by acclaimed novelist Ronald Chevalier, who has turned desperate for ideas.

If you haven’t already seen the awe inspiring viral promotional videos featuring Jemaine Clement as Ronald Chevalier, then check them out now at ronaldchevalier.com. And if you’re not familiar with Jemaine’s prior work, google “Flight of the Conchords” (or click here). You won’t be disappointed.

Nacho Libre in Three Frames

I love WordPress and I truly enjoy blogging with their software.  But, sometimes, you just want to microblog and Twitter is too restricting.  Lo and behold, I’ve stumbled upon Tumblr and it’s definitely fulfilling an appetite of mine.  Anyway, I just started it and please check it out.

BearMythology @ Tumblr