a Primal Root review

“It is truly, The Muppet Chain Saw Massacre.” – Harlan Ellison, Harlan Ellison’s Watching, Underwood-Miller, 1989 Page 198

It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol, the list of classic, heart warming family friendly Christmas movies is an extensive one. Growing up as a child of the 80’s we were shown such images of Christmas miracles, happy families, the gigantic honey glazed ham dinner served to a smiling family sitting warm around the dinner table. Everyone within the film and the audiences watching safe in the knowledge that no matter how bad things get it will turn out all right in the end. But eventually the movie stops and we have to face the grim reality of the holiday season.

Only one film in my childhood recollection completely broke the image I had ingrained into my head of the perfect family Christmas. What happened to this image? Where did the American Dream go so completely awry? This is the question at the core of Joe Dante’s subversive, goopy, violent, nasty little horror film entitled Gremlins.

The film itself is a satire of mid-80’s consumer America. A time when the yuppies reigned supreme, those of us in the dwindling middle class were screwed as work became harder to find and a dark form of mischief finds its way into the homes of both the wealthy and underprivileged alike in the form of the scaly, razor fanged, red eyed Gremlins. A dark reminder of that our actions and carelessness can have the most dire of consequences.

Gremlins looks to almost take place in an updated version of a picturesque, old fashioned, Norman Rockwell town. An American town where values such as self reliance, independence, and personal responsibility have been completely twisted in our pursuit of easy money. It’s a world where the junior vice-president of the town bank dreams of becoming a millionaire by the time he’s 35 and only finds value in his new apartment (it even has Cable TV!). It’s a place where the nasty, self indulgent rich, preach responsibility but cannot be asked to help save a family about to be evicted on Christmas.

Here, everything is a commodity to be bought or sold. Every resource can be tapped for possible exploitation. Even the Mogwai of which Mr. Peltzer makes the observation, “I bet every kid in America would want to have one of these. This could really be the big one!” looks at little Gizmo in terms of economic value rather than a living being.

Lil' Gizmo. Cute? You bet. Just make sure to follow the rules.

Obviously this is the era of the “Get Rich Quick” scheme. Mr. Peltzer has given up gainful employment to be a full time inventor trying to dream up the next “big thing” that will provide for he and his family the rest of their days. It’s Western civilizations dream of making money without ever truly having to work for it. Only the wise Asian Grandfather, representing non-American values, seems to sadly understand the monetary obsessed culture he is living in.

“Sold?” he asks, after Mr. Peltzer makes an inquiry into how he originally obtained Gizmo. “That’s an interesting choice of words.” His meaning is apparent. That life is not something you can buy or sell and Gizmo, of course, is a living creature.

Gremlins is an incredibly thoughtful horror film in the guise of family entertainment. It even manages to poke fun and ridicule everything we hold dear in Western Civilization. Gizmo is forced to wave an American flag, and the Grandfather is horrified to learn Gizmo has been taught to watch television. After all, isn’t that what passes for culture these days?

Possibly my favorite moment in the movie, the one that altered my take on Christmas forever, is the scene in which there’s a lull in the action and Pheobe Cates character recalls the disturbing and tragic story of her father’s disappearance and demise many Christmas ago. He was found several days after Christmas lodged in the chimney, dead, having broken his neck. Dressed as Santa. In a deeply dark and satirical film this scene alone is hands down the darkest. No Gremlins, no mauling, no chain saw attacks…more to the point, I believe this scene mocks sentimentality itself. A trait Steven Spielberg is all too familiar with. However, to Spielberg’s credit, despite everyone else demanding this scene be excised from the film, he allowed Joe Dante to make the final decision. Thankfully, Joe Dante was able to keep this remarkably powerful and disturbing sequence.

Gremlins also works on the level of a message movie about the use of our natural resources. The Mogwai, Gizmo, is friendly, cute and unspoiled, but when we don’t follow the rules (getting them wet, exposing them to bright lights and most especially feeding them after midnight) you are left with something far more perverted, sinister and harmful. Grandfather tells Billy and the viewing audience that American people would do with Mogwai what “Society has done with all natural gifts.” What he’s talking about is an American ideal. We’d sell them, buy them and make a killing.

Stripe. The Gremlin you don't want to fuck with.

But above all this Gremlins is a hellishly good time! It’s dangerous, gruesome and overt he top. Another favorite scene is when Billy’s Mother must do battle with the recently hatched batch of Gremlins run amuck in her house using all the tools she has around the house including blenders, knives and microwave ovens spewing Gremlin guts all over the good china. This stuff is sick. I remember watching the film as a child and my mind simply reeling at this. People were being ripped, beaten, strangled, bitten and even killed by these malicious little Gremlins. But slowly a smile came across my face as I realized what a joke it all was. These idealized American Christmas traditions. The fact that the final battle between Stripe, Billy and Gizmo takes place inside a shopping center filled to the brim with hollow consumer goodies can’t be a coincidence.

Joe Dante’s Gremlins proudly takes those Christmas traditions so many hold dear and shove them right where the sun don’t shine. Gremlins, you ruined Christmas for a generation of 80’s kids. And I cannot thank you enough.

Your truly,
-The Primal Root

You wouldn’t believe the nastygrams I’m getting from Keillor’s apologists, who think it’s perfectly fine to publish a column in the  Baltimore Sun excoriating “Jewish guys” for writing

“all those lousy holiday songs . . .  that trash up the malls every year, Rudolph and the chestnuts and the rest of that dreck.  Did one of our guys write ‘Grab your loafers, coma along if you wanna, and we’ll blow that shofar for Rosh Hashanah’?”

Then, again, those who write nastygrams would tend to defend a fellow generator of nastiness, wouldn’t they?

Responses that politely disagree with my position will be posted.  Nasty responses — go post to Garrison Keillor’s blog, where nastiness is welcome.

So I messed up again.  My life definitely goes in circles.  I really started liking him without even meaning to.  After ending up at his house one night and staying there with him and waking up with him and having his arms around me, I was beyond certain I liked him.  Studying for my finals, my mind couldn’t help but float to thoughts of him and hopefully seeing him again and again and again.

Last night I destroyed seeing him again.  I did a much tamer act of what I’ve done before.  While I didn’t really misbehave badly, I did end up leaving the bar starting to sob and on the phone with my friend.  He was behind me and then must’ve turned and left.  I determinedly and drunkenly walked towards the bus stop until I realized how completely odd it would be to get on the bus this drunk, alone, and crying horribly.  I turned around and walked back and suddenly there he was in his car with my roomie and his friend.  I got in.

I think he was worried about me.  Maybe at that point I hadn’t done anything too terrible.  I won’t really ever know.  But of course the night progressed worse.  He got us home, I ate 2 crackers and the real nightmare began.  I couldn’t stop throwing up.  I was so dizzy it was unbearable.  I could hardly move and to top it all off breathing wasn’t goinig well.  I think maybe I was hyperventilating as my body went numb.

He stayed there with me (my roomie fled the scene).  He saw me throw up, he helped me get up from my spot on the floor by the toilet and then he saw me rush to the bathroom and throw up again.  I got puke in my hair.  I puked out of my nose.  I was sobbing.  My hair may’ve touched the toilet water.  And despite my hyperventilating, puking, and crying some part of me was petrified:  Did you really just do this??  He was so wonderful.  And so not your average guy and he liked you…. Fuck! why did you do this???

I woke up and he was gone.  I was freezing and I had been dreaming about him.  I texted him a “thanks anyways” (yeah I hate myself right now).  And got a “huh” back.  I went on and called him.  I wanted him back with me despite my disgutingness at the moment.  He was nice.  He did say something about talking to me this weekend, and I obnoxiously was like “you don’t even have to say that” (gawd!!!).

I never heard from him today.  My purpose was to leave him alone.  I did thank him last night and I’m hoping I apologized (I probably did that annoyingly 50 times or something queer).  But then this evening with the wonder of the beautiful snow that is piling up outside I stupidly texted him about the weather and threw in a sorry at the end.

Nothing.

What really bothers me even more than him just possibly blowing me off is that I have no idea what I said to him last night.  What if I was rude??  or what if I said something creepy about how much I liked him??? (oh wait the latter doesn’t matter).  Overall what if I was nasty somehow?  I really really hope I wasn’t, but like I said before I will never know.

For now I just need to stop over analyzing what I just did (texting) and what it means that he didn’t respond.  Maybe I should’ve waited to say something but most likely it doesn’t even matter.  Whether or not I texted him I’m sure he has already decided something about me.  Now I just need to try to let this all go.  The past isn’t something I can change.  I just hope eventually I will make better decisions.  I looked forward to seeing him all day yesterday and now it’s all just this…

I hate my mother. Like some poor inbred twat she twitters on about forgone mistakes and faults. She purses her lips and places her swollen hands on love-handle hips sagging from years of ill-spent hours looking down from her high horse. She has a mean glint in her eye, the kind that twinkles in the iris of sadistic school yard bullies and future serial killers, a glint that suggests malice and a sickening desire for the eminent downfalls of others. She sneers condescendingly at misguided attempts to calm her fervor, wags her finger at every foolish action, recording it in a timetable for future humiliation. She is blind, deaf, and dumb. Hears only what she pleases, sees only things that displease her, and says only what will cut the deepest. She plucks her feathers and places them daintily in a powder box. She is careful withe her complexion applying the roughest of gravels and coldest of steels. She is stone. She is clever, conniving, like Eve enchanted by a snake, you fall for her traps. iron jaws snapping at your ankles, clanging shut and cutting through bone and skin and muscle. All the while she dusts her self with the dried remains of victims past, she simply sparkles in the drab colors of death. She is my mother, and I hate her.

Newcastle, 11 December 2009

This is not a happy knob.

It’s deformed.

It’s jaundiced.

It’s veins have been invaded by evil green space-worms.

And it’s seeping (to use that unpleasant STD term from school sex education…).

Thanks to our north of England correspondent for this woeful example.

Yo! Heres The Song Of The Day!!

So Since Yesterday We Put A Legend In This Music Game

The Great Michael Jackson

We Decided To Put Another Legend On The Page

Nd Who Esle To Put But The One And Only

Nasty Ass NaS!!

So Heres The Song Of The Day!!

New York State Of Mind-NaS

Illmatic One Of the best Hip Hop Cd Ever Made

It Must Be In Your CD Collection If You Love Hip Hop!

Enjoy! Word Is Bond!!

Srry Theres No Official Video Of The Song But Who Cares This Shit Still Goes Hard!!

By:Jeremie D.

Hello there!

Labour tried to start a class war at Full Council tonight! Must be a national tactic gone local. More of that shortly.

Here is my bulletin from tonight’s full council meeting.

• BOUNDARIES: Labour and the LibDems voted against the council consulting with you on our proposals following the Boundary Committee’s Draft Recommendations on our new ward boundaries. They cannot get over the fact that both the council and then the Boundary Committee rejected their rather potty ideas for 75 single member wards. Their response is clearly to stop you having a say on the matter as you probably won’t agree with them either

• 

  Gareth in the perfectly suitable, and free, councl chamber in Wyvern House, Winsford.

  MEETING LOCATIONS: the Council was deciding where and when to hold its meetings next year. Most committees including Overview & Scrutiny, Planning and the Executive are to rotate all over the Borough, including here in Ellesmere Port. Full Council meetings however will take place in the only venue we have which can accommodate 72 councillors, plus officers and the public and where everyone can be seen and heard: the council chamber in Winsford. The Lord Mayor-Making will take place at Chester Town Hall once a year. Labour wanted us to continue to cycle full council around, even though the other places we have tried are just not suitable AND are very expensive to set up too. Their suggestion was voted down. In times when we have made major savings and redundancies it would be ludicrous to spend £thousands on this when we can do it for free at Winsford.

• HOUSING and CLASS WAR: Having been finally found out about their terrible record on council housing in Ellesmere Port & Neston (see here for details) Labour are now desperately scrabbling for anything they can throw back at us. Their attempt tonight was to complain about a Christmas card we sent to tenants, and for those who are in rent arrears this card reminded them to pay as soon as they can and directed them towards help and advice if they needed it. One Labour councillor suggested that this was “The Cheshire Set” who could “lend some stables” for tenants to live in. Cllr Lynn Riley pointed out that our new approach differed from Labour’s last Christmas in control when they sent out stark letters reminding people to cough up and then evicted 17 families over the holiday season. That’s caring Labour for you!

And our Christmas present to Labour? We gave them an EXTRA place on the Corporate Scrutiny Select Panel which they also have the Chairmanship of. Under the legal regulations they are not entitled to this extra place as they have too few councillors, and on the old council they gave the opposition nothing even when we were neck and neck. Shows which side really wants to involve people methinks.

TTFN!
Gareth.

Today, the 17th of December, it’s my birthday! As of today, I’m no longer a teenager, I turned 20!

Gifts can be send to: fleeuurx@hotmail.com! Be creative, I’d love something to get my panties wet! Some nasty literature could possibly do the trick! For any dutch guys: just write dutch. This is not my msn, so don’t bother.

Imagine if you were at a briefing and someone pulled out a briefcase full of sausages, LMAO. I would definitely be in tears! This looks sick (as in disgusting)!

How about we call it:

“Heart Attack at a meeting”

I’m… certain that it’s proportionally inaccurate. Not to mention that I’m pretty sure that sissy excuse of a human being has an enormous vagina.

NSFW

i’m easy to get along with (i think) and i can take a lot. poopy diapers? no problem. rescuing bleeding colleagues from the brink of death? no problem.

what i really have a problem with is puke. i don’t do puke. no matter if cute 5 year-olds or some stranger on the street. if i see someone puke, if i hear it, heck, if i smell it, i instantly feel like gagging. i could just stand right next to them and follow suit.

last night (i think it was more like this morning but i don’t really know) i was awakened by a nasty, nasty, bad-arse-nasty puking sound! i always sleep with my window ajar and my puking neighbor had his bathroom window open – for better ventilation or in order to start a pukefest with me in tow, it’s up to you to decide.

so i hear one round after the other after the other of him vomiting his guts out. nice. now, i don’t like to get up early, or to wake up to annoying screaming neighbors. but i certainly don’t like to be woken up by a puking neighbor.

when he finally calmed down, i fell asleep again. only to be woken up to another attack. that was when i slammed my window shut, fuming for having to get out of my warm cozy bed only to block the sound of his pukefest.

oh how disgusting!

that is NOT how i want to start my day! he better be back on track tonight. i need my window to be open, and i need my sleep. and i had enough puke for this week, thank you very much.

franzi

Tình Còn Phong Đa- Cát Tiên

Like The Beginning- T-ara

Never Say Goodbye- Mario & Nasty*

Bump Bump! feat. Verbal (m-flo)- BoA~

A Boy- G-Dragon~

In My Fantasy- Trish Thuy Trang*

Anataboshi- MilkyWay*

Too Little Too Late- Trish Thuy Trang*

TTL- T-ara & Supernova~

Ke Ai- Rainie Yang*

(Note: These are not all recent and in no particular order.)

*=Available on iTunes

~=Available on Podcast: “Seoul.Sushi.Sounds v2″ (iTunes & mypodcast.com)

Another sexy Michelle Obama picture came across my computer today.  So here it is next to a similar photo of Laura Bush.  Talk about change.

Change for CRAP!  What a piece of garbage.  She is not a good representative of successful women, or of this country.  She should fire her assistant for letting this attire fashioned from compost out of the thrift store.

A slow, creeping odor of sewage has been emanating from the crawlspace under the Garage for a few days now. Some exploring has revealed that the sewer pipe is leaking and filling the ~65cm high crawlspace with sewage.

Unfortunately, bringing a plumber in has been fruitless. He took one look at the crawlspace (which, in the flashlight’s beam, is a starfield of broken glass and sewer water) and informed us that we need a braver plumber. Better yet, the main support beam to the house is ~50cm high and it lies between the access hatch and the leak. Digging will be needed.

Searching for a contractor has been equally unsuccessful – most of them are cheery and mention how easy it will be to get this job taken care of with their various hydraulic earthmovers, and when I tell them that we have no outside access to the foundation (making this a shovel-and-bucket kind of job) they balk.

*sigh*

From: DailyHaHA

So one of my really good friends thinks he’s in love with me and has thought this for awhile.  I’ve been friends with him for almost a year (this is C from an earlier post).  But when this semester started in August and I was finally single the trouble started.

I had noticed before this, his adoring gaze ,and my ex didn’t like him very much and was always like ‘you should see the way he looks at you.  He definitely has a problem with you and I being together.’  I ignored it and told my ex he was wrong because despite everything I really thought he was wrong and also just being stupid.

Recently though my friend’s behavior has been changing a lot (recently as in the past 2-3 months) and it’s for the worse.  Multiple times when I have another guy friend with us or am talking to guys I meet when we’re out, C will storm off and then come back and then storm off again.  For instance, most recently this happened at a hookah lounge.  Five times in 20 minutes he exited the building and came back in.  To say the least he seemed like he’d gone of the deep end.  And the two friends that my little group ran into there thought there was something very wrong with him.  The whole thing infuriated me.  He has done the same thing atleast two times before this and we discussed it after each time and he claimed he wouldn’t do it again.

The one time it was so bad my one friend (a guy I dated a long time ago) was completely creeped out by him.  We were out one night by the river and C disappeared by himself in the woods.  My other friend B was like, ‘what the f*** is he doing?’ and was kind of alarmed despite what my other friend and I said about C.  That night C ended up sitting in the middle of the dark road as a car drove towards him.  In the headlights of the fast approaching car I had to run up and grab him and get him off of the road.

Also recently he has been talking me down or saying rude things.  The same night of the hookah bar incident I was later playing video games with him and B and another friend (because I was just that stupid), and C began making fun of me and saying nasty things to me.  It was all because B was there I think, but that doesn’t even make sense.  If he was a teenage girl who had a crush on B and therefore wanted to make fun of me in front of B, then it would make sense but… he isn’t.  So why is he doing this…  He’s also done this before, one other time when he and B were around each other with me.

Then when I finally can’t take it anymore and attempt to disappear he flips out and rants away to another friend we both share.  Yesterday this happened.  The hookah bar incident was enough for me.  I no longer like his behavior and don’t want to be around him and I told him just that.  The rest of the day and evening he spent ranting and freaking out to our mutual friend.  It just doens’t line up.

If he really cares about our friendship why does he keep acting like this and also saying cruel things around B?

It doens’t make sense.

He knows about B and my’s past, but why would that make him want to embarass and hurt me in front of B?

And when he keeps apologizing and saying he won’t do something again why does he just do it over and over…

I found this about 3 bloocks from my apartment:

This is the mattress from the film “Hellraiser 2: Hellbound”:

Anyone think I should worry?

Don’t worry, folks. I’m ready.

I’ve seen the films.

I’ll need to find an autistic girl who looks like Brad Pitt and a nice brunette lady who’s dad was skinned by her mother in law.

http://nicegirlmeanthoughts.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/brad-pitt-as-little-girl-i-know-right/

Consider it done.