I am going to describe what I have coined as “The Extremely Viscous Food Cycle”. It is a sort-of food ritual that I had developed in my teens, unknowingly, and recognize that I am still victim too.

I am going to emphasize, once more, that this is a terrible food habit. I will not glorify this habit, instead I am speaking about it in such a way to educate and help others recognize this negative habit in themselves or in other people.

The cycle begins, of course, with a negative self-body image.

In my research on eating disorders, I discovered a plethora of other disorders that often occur in tandem. Some of which are known as social anxiety disorders, which influence how you react when you are around other people and feel as though you are being scrutinized or judged. It seems quite obvious that someone suffering from an eating disorder would be victim to a social anxiety disorder, where the concern is that others are judging you based on your appearance.

A social anxiety disorder can manifest itself in various ways. One of the ways, according to StatsCan, that it can affect you is with a certain fear of embarrassing yourself in front of others. For me, this was emphasized by my reluctance of eating in front of other people.

Most of my refusal to eat in public comes from my desire to not look stupid while eating (i.e., dropping sauce on yourself) and desiring not to look fat. Often, when I’m eating with other people, I will cautiously time my consumption so as to not look too eager to eat. I am very often the last person to finish their meal.

At one point, I would pretty much refuse to eat in public. This makes it hard to get through the day, where you are tired and grouchy from not taking in enough calories. Some days I was pretty well starving myself, which seemed the better option than eating in front of other people.

So I would be hungry, and pissed off. Then I would starve.

When I got home though, things changed. Because I had been starving, I would raid my kitchen in such a fashion as one would raid a grocery store in the event of an apocalypse. Here is another severely disturbed eating disorder, binge eating. Throughout my day I would consume literally 0 calories, and after much physical activity and whatnot I would actually use more calories. Therefore, I would have a negative daily consumption of calories. When I got home, since my body was dying for food, I would overeat and, therefore, over consume.

This over consumption of food would lead to feelings of guilt and of being fat, and of course my body image suffered as a result.

To compensate, I would again starve myself which I felt I could justify by my desire to not eat around other people. This starvation only resulting in more overeating.

And there it is, the extremely viscious food cycle.

Now, having recognized this, I try my hardest to eat at well-timed intervals. I still have some issues eating around people, though. For example, at cocktail parties or events I will rarely touch the hors d’oeuvres.

Instead, focus on eating regularly. Eating healthier makes it easier to justify your eating, and you have to really know that your body requires a certain amount of sustenance for you to be healthy.

Eat well, and live well. This terrible cycle was part in parcel of an eating disorder, but recognizing it as a problem is the first step to overcoming it.

Im curious to know the extent to which individuals avoid eating in public. Do you have any sort of anxieties about eating in public?

This is a thought that is shared by many people. It is understandable that they think this way, since much of the attention on eating disorders has been presented in such a way to construct the idea that it is a problem that is only relatable to females.

The idea that an eating disorder is characteristically feminine has hindered the process of shedding light on the reality that men can suffer from eating disorders too.

Men have always been cautious about appearing too feminine. This is another problem in and of itself, but it causes issues such as remaining silent about problems that are typical of females. When beauty is known to be prized be females, it is hard to believe that beauty could be a concern for men too.

The worst part? Women are also strong purveyors of vanity and poor self-esteem.

Think about the comments you might hear from women in regards to men: “He’s overweight”, “he has a beer belly!”, “he is far too hairy”.

These are comments that destroy self-esteem, even in men. It makes people question their body, what they’ve been given, question their confidence and desire to be different. It inspires negativity.

One thing that I hate is when people who endure negativity become purveyors of negativity themselves. It is a vicious circle that needs to be stopped.

Women suffer from issues of self-esteem. Likewise, men suffer from issues of self-esteem.

Think about your comments and understand how they can hurt people. If you’ve been hurt, think twice about hurting other people. You know how it feels.

You might be surprised by what I have to say.

It is without a doubt that I believe eating disorders are directly linked to concerns of self-esteem and a poor perception of one’s body image. Those with eating disorders are often unable to comprehend how overweight individuals can be such a way, and entirely dread being the same way themselves. In many cases, individuals with eating disorders are not overweight, but perceive themselves to be.

This is perhaps the most complicated concept when you are trying to describe what it is like to have an eating disorder. You are not overweight, but when you think about yourself and look at yourself in the mirror, you see yourself as fat. There is something seriously wrong with that, so we really have to discover how it is that the mind can formulate such an incorrect opinion of what it is actually seeing.

We can blame everyone else. Family, friends, peers, colleagues, strangers, tourists, etc. Often, the media takes much of the blame. I can understand why. The media brings images of beauty to the forefront that are often desired to be attained by the masses. The issue is, these beauty standards are often impossible to attain. To complicate matters, the media often portrays what society wants to see.

In that regard, the media is presenting us with images of unattainable beauty because we want to see unattainable beauty and then force ourselves to believe that we should attain it.

Isn’t that complex? How can you attain the unattainable? You can’t. Still, we spend billions of dollars and countless hours of time to attain these standards of beauty.

To correct myself, I should say that these are perceived standards of beauty. I’ll touch on this in the future.

So, while I stared at images in the media of what men should look like, I found it near-impossible to look that way myself. What did this result in? Depression and an eating disorder, no less. I blamed everyone for forcing me to try to be someone I was not.

And then I woke up one day. Figuratively, not literally. No one was actually forcing me to think like that. I mean, I was always exposed to these images of unattainable beauty, but no one was really telling me I had to be a particular way. Instead, I realized that I was the root of the problem. People didn’t expect me to look a certain way, I expected myself to look a certain way.

No one ever said to me, “You’re fat.”

I was the one who said, “I’m fat.”

That’s when I realized that, the worst critic of body image was not anyone that I surrounded myself with, it was myself.

THE HORROR!

Now, do not get me wrong, there are people out there who are sticklers for perceived beauty and are always ready to comment on appearances. That being so, I realized that I constantly push those people away. One practice of feeling good about yourself is to remove yourself from individuals who are just waiting for you to look bad. They can form a clique of vanity-and-depression should they choose, but I don’t want to be a part of it.

Instead, with my friends, I was the purveyor of vanity-and-depression. Not towards other people necessarily, but to myself.

It is only when you realize that you are the worst body image critic, can you really start to gain fresh perspectives about yourself and your life.

Remember that beauty is perceived. Think about what that means. I promise you I will explore it later. But, know that when you are walking down the street, no one is noticing your out-of-place hairs as much as you are. There is something to that.

- The Boy Diaries

The fitness world is abuzz this week, bashing athletic apparel retailer Lululemon, for an ad campaign that features the new Yoga Teacher Barbie doll.

The doll, which is sold exclusively at Target, features Barbie in yoga apparel, and comes with a pink mat and a Chihuahua (?!) The box bears the slogan “ Yoga makes me feel alive.”

Lululemon spoofed the doll on their website saying:

“We’re so excited to announce the launch of our new Perfect Balance collection, inspired by our Silicone Valley yoga ambassador, Tiffani!

Her 1 year goals include mastering tree pose in high heels and travelling across the country in the convertible of her dreams.”

Deanne Schweitzer, the company’s VP of women’s design stated that they are “so excited to elevate the doll industry from mediocrity to greatness, one XXXS Groove pant at a time.”

Facebook fans rebelled with a backlash of comments related to the doll and the campaign.

Barbie is often associated with negative body image for women and young girls, due to her unattainable physique.

While I understand that a plastic doll falsely idealizing a women’s body is not in keeping with Lululemon’s yogic philosophies, is it really that bad?
Barbie is an iconic toy that little girls have played with for over 50 years. She often symbolizes what many of us aspire to. I personally attribute my career as a fashion designer to the time I spent with my Barbie dolls, dressing her in couture inspired outfits, and later designing some of my own.

It seems that every time we look up to a model, an actress or even a plastic doll, the health and fitness blogs go crazy, saying that they project un-realistic views of a woman’s body.
I work hard at the gym and aspire to achieve the strongest, healthiest and yes, sexiest body that I possibly can. I am not turned off by those who look better than I do. In fact, they inspire me.

I don’t compare myself to a little plastic doll, and I think accusing her of being “brainless” is kind of silly when you think about it. (Operative words here: plastic doll)

Why do we expect companies who make clothing, cosmetics and other items, which are created to enhance a woman’s beauty, to only show us “real women?”  The average woman is over weight and out of shape. Do I really want to aspire to that? Isn’t that feeding negative body image issues in another way?
Lululemon has removed the campaign from their website, and issued the following statement:

“Hey Everyone, We really appreciate all the conversation and feedback happening here. I want to clarify that this is absolutely not us poking fun or mocking our guests, but rather us taking part in a conversation currently happening in the yoga community. We believe in sparking conversation and it’s never our intention to offend or upset anyone. While we welcome and encourage dialogue and feedback, any posts that contain offensive language or personal attacks will be removed. Again, thank you all for sharing your thoughts and taking part in this conversation with us.”