At the moment I am staying with my aunt. She is a mental health nurse. It was through her persistence that the doctors finally agreed that I was schizophrenic and this has made a world of difference. But my days here are numbered. I am anxious to leave. When I return home I will be living by myself. I crave the isolation. I feel like I am pretending to hold it all together and it’s tiring.

When I first ‘got sick’ it was easy to explain ‘taking a break’ from Honours at uni for the first few months, then it became a year, now six. I don’t expect people to understand anymore, I don’t expect their patience and support. I feel like I need to deal with my pathetic lot alone. I am sick of pretending that I have hopes for the future, interests and plans when really I just want to be put out of my misery.

It is dangerous to push people away, to lose the few remaining friends, to alienate family, cancel appointments with doctors but it’s part of the condition. It’s easier to run away. Everything is so difficult that the easier options have undeniable appeal.

I am ashamed that I am an educated 27 year old who sleeps in her clothes and won’t brush her teeth. I feel like a great big fat child imposing on anyone with half a heart. I don’t blame myself for being like this but it does make me very, very sad.

 Do you ever find yourself looking at a task and wonder how in the world can I get this accomplished?  I have several of those staring me in the face as we speak.  Sometimes I don’t worry about it because all that stuff in the closet is not going anywhere.  I have watched my son wait till the last moment to do a big project because it seems so big and time consuming.  The old saying is, “How can you eat an elephant? Start with one piece at a time.”   I have come to the conclusion; the task is only overwhelming when we allow it to be in our mind.  Our mind can be a very powerful tool for the positive or for the negative.  If we focus only on the negative side, the project or task at hand will continue to be put off yet if we think positively we can see it as accomplished and organized.  This type of mindset takes time and practice.  My closet upstairs with all that clutter is my treasure box.  It is where I keep my pictures, scrapbooks, newspaper clippings of the boys, artist work, costumes, gift bags and gifts, candles, books, crafts, baskets, files, and such.  Yes, it does need organization and I know it will take a couple of days to arrange it.  So, what is the problem?  Time.  Scheduling time.  My calendar is already booked daily for the next two months with photography, so this overwhelming task must be eaten with small bites.  My schedule changes today!  Just by writing it down, I already feel better and see myself accomplishing it.

Just as my walk with Jesus Christ may sometimes seem overwhelming in my position I have with people.  I am a leader and a Christian one at that.  I have the gift of Administration and Rulership, so in other words, I like to delegate or tell people what to do.  What is so overwhelming is I must choose my words wisely.  I am still working on my showing mercy gift although I do have patience.   It’s funny because my personality is Sanguine, so I like to have fun and am not so disciplined.  Jeff said it this morning as we were drinking our cup of coffee.  Being a Christian is not hard.  You must have the mindset to follow Christ with words and actions.  To live for Jesus easy is hard, but to live for Jesus hard is easy.   Anything can be overwhelming if we let it, however when we look at the project in future tense already accomplished, whatever the goal is, it makes it easy to finish it.  Our life here on earth may seem overwhelming at times, but when we look down in the future and see that it will all be worth it walking on the streets of gold with our Savior then we will continue to accomplish what we need to do.  I have seen many people start a project and bail out later.  Sometimes people are builders and sometimes bankers.  The builders usually start a project and go on to other things because being a banker means you must take care of it and be responsible for the outcome.  Some people won’t discipline themselves to be good stewards or managers. My husband’s focus is being both a builder and banker.  He is very disciplined when it comes to tasks and bringing unity and team effort.

The next time you feel overwhelmed when embarking upon a situation or task, look up.  Project your mind into the future and see it already accomplished.  Being a Christian and a disciplined one at that, takes practice and a change of mind.  Think positive; be proactive and not reactive in any situation.  Use wise words and be wise in actions.  May Christ give us faith, and increase our faith, that we may not only be safe, but joyful and triumphant.

Prayer:  Lord, forgive me for not doing those things in which you have called me to do because I may have thought they were overwhelming or if I had fear.  Help me to change my mindset, renew my mind daily.  I want to live for you hard, so I ask for the fruit and the gifts of Your Spirit.  Teach me; let me lean upon you for rest, lead me into the direction in which I can be most productive and disciplined.  I want to be obedient to your voice.  In Jesus Name, Amen. 

Galatians 6:9  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (NIV)

I Corinthians 15:59  Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.  (NIV)

Today has been another difficult day. I have an appointment with my case manager tomorrow. I have only seen her a few times and I haven’t completely warmed to her. I have seen lots of psychiatrists, general doctors, case managers etc over the years. I would describe most of them as ‘adequate’ and not much more.

I try to believe that life for someone with my advantages (education, family support, enough money to get by, somewhere to live) can be enjoyable and worthwhile but most of the time I feel that my life is not worth living. Each moment is excruciating and it’s just a matter of enduring it (or not)

My slow, angry, repetitive thoughts are generally: ‘this is horrible’, ‘this is terrible’, ‘I can’t do this’ ,’burn yourself with the kettle’. They have really ground me down.

As Marilyn Manson has sung: ‘I have to look up just to see Hell’

Sue –
My nother who snapped me from the cosmos
and spat me out
but don’t sue me.

Sue –
The Priest who bequeathed me guilt
and bade me invest in death
but don’t sue me.

Sue –
My six sisters and two brothers
who scoffed all the biscuits.

The teachers who forged me
for steelworks; and seized my pen.

The scheme that dragged me up
on violence and furnished me with fear.

The cunt that presented the altar of the gantry
and sold me cheap wine.

The women who led me the magic dance
and left me stumbling in diver’s boots.

Sue –
The future for being deserts
and darkened forest where I forever roam
but don’t sue me.

That Was The Week That Was. Do you remember that from the 60s? I think it was a British TV show. Anyway, last week was quite the week. Non-stop Michael Jackson, Palin and so on. I kept the TV time to a minimum to avoid all the craziness and any time the “P” name gets mentioned my blood pressure sky-rockets. It seems to me that whatever Michael Jackson was in addition to being a talented entertainer, he was a troubled and sad man who became an oddity. With all the press coverage elsewhere, Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan seem to have fallen off the radar screen. Seems the press isn’t so great on multi-tasking.

I’m upbeat about what I accomplished last week, but I also had disappointing news. A recruiter told me that a client had decided to interview two other people he had put forth for a position and not me. When I asked why, he said they each had a smidgen (and that is his word) more experience in a few areas than I had. Immediately I felt that the world was conspiring against me. Oh, woe is me! But in the same thought it struck me that perhaps the world is conspiring FOR me, and something better lies ahead. How’s that for Pollyanna thinking? Oh, and that reminds me that there’s a new study out that maybe negative thinking isn’t all that bad, especially when you need to lie and be self-delusional to be positive about some things.

Even though I’m currently not employed, I still look forward to weekends, and this one was filled with favorite summer activities. Friday evening was a beautiful night for a picnic and concert in the park. On Saturday, we went to an outdoor farmers market for the first time this season. There were only about 1/3 of the normal vendors from past years participating on this beautiful day in a prime location. I wonder, is it the economy or the fact that the city has added so many farmers markets and that the vendors are stretched too thin? Generally the market is a photographer’s dream: colorful flowers, babies, dogs, people, fruits and vegetables and white tents. But this time it seemed a little sad and paltry. Since we usually over buy and can’t eat all the fresh produce before it goes bad, my husband has taken to calling the vegetable bin in the fridge, the rotter. So my mission was limited to finding fresh basil. I find the smell of basil to be indescribably heavenly. We grabbed four bunches, and later ate basil leaves on French bread with cheese and tomatoes, and I made the rest into pesto.

After lunch we headed over to the pool on the athletic club rooftop, a mecca for people watching. Are all females under 35-years old beautiful these days? Or is it just the perspective of my age when I marvel over their unlined skin, undimpled thighs and lithe bodies? More power to them, I say. The only thing that I find EXTREMELY annoying is the cell phone talk. We once sunned near a gal who talked non-stop about the ins and outs (and I use those words deliberately) of her dating life at loud volume for an hour. Unfortunately I see a lot of this everywhere. Why do people think other people need to listen to them talk? Vanity? Stupidity? Entitlement? Obviously this is a pet peeve. I say, text instead of talk!

A lot of people, many of my friends included, think that Navy Pier is a cheesy tourist trap. Taken in small doses, it actually is a fun and low-budget outing for us. From our place, we walked the nearly two miles through the city to the Pier. It was a hot night with a tinge of breeze. Holding hands, walking through the city’s vibrant nightlife areas, somehow makes us feel very close and happy to be alive. Once on the Pier, we headed for the Beer Garden where there was a live band and, once again, prime people watching: families, couples of all ages, bachelorette parties and the chatter of foreign languages. The piece de resistance for me on Navy Pier is the fireworks choreographed to music. When I die, I want to be sent up in fireworks. I once thought this was an original idea, but going out with a boom actually is a business now.

Today we went for our Sunday run along the lake—my legs felt like lead, and took a stroll through the perennial gardens and water lily pond in Lincoln Park where we encountered turtles sunning and a cormarant waiting to pounce on unsuspecting fish. We both agreed that the lake and parks are what make this city so livable for us.

One more thing, do you know this poem by Shel Silverstein?
I will not play tug o’ war.
I’d rather play hug o’ war.
Where everyone hugs instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins,
and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins.

I read Silverstein’s book of poetry, Where the Sidewalk Ends, to my children when they were small. Tomorrow night, there’s a “SHELebration” at Millennium Park’s Pritzker Pavilion that I’m hoping to see. When I heard about this, I remembered the poem and how it always made us smile to read it with real tickles and cuddles thrown in. I hope it makes you smile too as you start the new week.

It is very difficult to describe in words the world my head has created and is contained in. I generally consider the attempts made in my handwritten journals to be cliched and cringeworthy. I am hoping this blog will be one step above that.

Despite my best efforts each day is a struggle. I feel very disconnected from society. My thoughts are repetitive and incredibly negative. I have had the enduring belief that ‘I do not actually exist’ for a very long time and it is hard to shake. It’s also scary to live with. Life has been intensely bleak and painful.

I believe that it is part of my schizophrenia that makes my thoughts and feelings this way and I see doctors and take medication to manage the condition. This has been a slow and frustrating process and I certainly hope more improvements can be made.

I am also endeavouring to take responsibility for my outlook but it’s a delicate process. The image of writing the sentence ‘I exist and I am happy’ or some other affirmation hundreds of times makes me feel sick. At the moment I have very limited energy and smiling into the mirror is not something that I can do at the moment.

In fact I unfortunately do the opposite: I grimace and swear at my reflection. I find looking in the mirror disorientating. The best way I can describe it is that I do not recognise myself, I do not believe that what I see is a human that exists or has a continuous existence. I could slap my face and yell but I don’t. I’m very quiet. I just observe the sad eyes and disgustingly yellow teeth for a few seconds and move away.

I’ve been trying to explain for years that some of the self-help “positive thinking” is both unrealistic and not very help full.  TIME magazine (yes that TIME) published this article that show that telling yourself something you don’t believe in (which is what a lot of the hokey “self-help” bullshistic medicine is…hard to believe) actually will highlight the problems more than relive them:

In the past 50 years, people with mental problems have spent untold millions of hours in therapists’ offices, and millions more reading self-help books, trying to turn negative thoughts like “I never do anything right” into positive ones like “I can succeed.” For many people — including well-educated, highly trained therapists, for whom “cognitive restructuring” is a central goal — the very definition of psychotherapy is the process of changing self-defeating attitudes into constructive ones.

But was Norman Vincent Peale right? Is there power in positive thinking? A study just published in the journal Psychological Science says trying to get people to think more positively can actually have the opposite effect: it can simply highlight how unhappy they are.

The study’s authors, Joanne Wood and John Lee of the University of Waterloo and Elaine Perunovic of the University of New Brunswick, begin with a common-sense proposition: when people hear something they don’t believe, they are not only often skeptical but adhere even more strongly to their original position. A great deal of psychological research has shown this, but you need look no further than any late-night bar debate you’ve had with friends: when someone asserts that Sarah Palin is brilliant, or that the Yankees are the best team in baseball, or that Michael Jackson was not a freak, others not only argue the opposing position, but do so with more conviction than they actually hold. We are an argumentative species.

And so we constantly argue with ourselves. Many of us are reluctant to revise our self-judgment, especially for the better. In 1994, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published a paper showing that when people get feedback that they believe is overly positive, they actually feel worse, not better. If you try to tell your dim friend that he has the potential of an Einstein, he won’t think he’s any smarter; he will probably just disbelieve your contradictory theory, hew more closely to his own self-assessment and, in the end, feel even dumber. In one fascinating 1990s experiment demonstrating this effect — called cognitive dissonance in official terms — a team including psychologist Joel Cooper of Princeton asked participants to write hard-hearted essays opposing funding for the disabled. When these participants were later told they were compassionate, they felt even worse about what they had written.

For the new paper, Wood, Lee and Perunovic measured 68 students on their self-esteem. The students were then asked to write down their thoughts and feelings for four minutes. Every 15 seconds during those four minutes, one randomly assigned group of the students heard a bell. When they heard it, they were supposed to tell themselves, “I am a lovable person.”

Those with low self-esteem — precisely the kind of people who do not respond well to positive feedback but tend to read self-help books or attend therapy sessions encouraging positive thinking — didn’t feel better after those 16 bursts of self-affirmation. In fact, their self-evaluations and moods were significantly more negative than those of the people not asked to remind themselves of their lovability.

This effect can also occur when experiments are more open-ended. The authors cite a 1991 study in which participants were asked to recall either six or 12 examples of instances when they behaved assertively. “Paradoxically,” the authors write, “those in the 12-example condition rated themselves as less assertive than did those in the six-example condition. Participants apparently inferred from their difficulty retrieving 12 examples that they must not be very assertive after all.”

Wood, Lee and Perunovic conclude that unfavorable thoughts about ourselves intrude very easily, especially among those of us with low self-esteem — so easily and so persistently that even when a positive alternative is presented, it just underlines how awful we believe we are.

The paper provides support for newer forms of psychotherapy that urge people to accept their negative thoughts and feelings rather than try to reject and fight them. In the fighting, we not only often fail but can also make things worse. Mindfulness and meditation techniques, in contrast, can teach people to put their shortcomings into a larger, more realistic perspective. Call it the power of negative thinking.

I believe I do in my presentation “Getting a Grip on Negativity“.

You can find information on training programs as well as articles I’ve written on negative thinking at  www.speakercraigprice.com

Ray’s Daily Affirmation:

“Focus on the goal…When I set out to achieve something I eliminate all the negatives and naysayers and focus completely on my goal.”
(Download this mp3 affirmation or 100s of others at The Affirmation Spot)

Recently, a study questioning the validity of affirmations (”positive statements”) was published in Psychological Science. The paper entitled “Positive Self-Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others” was co-authored by Dr. Joanne Wood, Elaine Perunovic, and John W. Lee.

The researchers conducted a study based on the following premise from their paper’s abstract.

Positive self-statements are widely believed to boost mood and self-esteem, yet their effectiveness has not been demonstrated. We examined the contrary prediction that positive self-statements can be ineffective or even harmful. A survey study confirmed that people often use positive self-statements and believe them to be effective.  

Two experiments showed that among participants with low self-esteem, those who repeated a positive self-statement (‘‘I’m a lovable person’’) or who focused on how that statement was true felt worse than those who did not repeat the statement or who focused on how it was both true and not true.

Among participants with high self-esteem, those who repeated the statement or focused on how it was true felt better than those who did not, but to a limited degree. Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, but backfire for the very people who ‘‘need’’ them the most.

I am always shocked and dismayed by the cynicism that emerges when the subject of positive thinking comes up. This research certainly seems to have awakened a cadre of bloggers and journalists ready to pounce and denounce positive thinking as a sham. I have written often on this blog about the constant stream of disempowering messages that some in media like to produce. I have also written about the whole concept that somehow positive thinking is perceived as less “realistic” than negative thinking. Both of these factors seem to be in play as this story unfolds.

Let me begin by expressing my alarm, not at this study or its results, but at the way it has been heralded in the mainstream and psychological press as empirical evidence that positive thinking is a fraud. Those 20 year old images of Stuart Smalley have been dusted off and pushed front and center to ridicule the practice of thinking positively.

Oprah, Wayne Dyer, and other luminaries in what I would term the “empowered thinking” movement have been chided for their support of such nonsense. Their statements that we human beings are capable of amazing things when we change the way we think have been taken to task as fantasy.

Some Examples of the typical media fair:

• Positive Self-Statements Do More Harm Than Good
• Why Self-Help Programs Are Bogus
• The Power Shortage of Positive Thinking
• Self-Help Makes You Feel Worse
• The Hidden Dangers of Affirmations
• Thinking Positive Makes Some Feel Glummer: Study
• The Powerlessness of Positive Thinking
• Power of Positive Thinking Questioned
• Think Again About Positive Thinking
• Self-Esteem Can Damaged by Positive Thinking, Posits Study
• Positive Thinking Has A Negative Side, Scientists Find
• Chanting “I Am Happy” Can Make You Sad: Study

Worst of all, people suffering from depression and other negative thinking disorders have been told that thinking positively is bad for them and it should be avoided because it will make them feel worse.

I have been in contact directly with Dr. Wood. It is my belief that she and her colleagues are trying to conduct honest research and find honest answers to honest questions. After reading and digesting the paper that resulted from their research, I am convinced that the flaw lies not in the researchers’ intentions, but in the selected methodology. Dr. Wood, based on her writing, agrees that specific statements may have more efficacy than the general “I am lovable” statement used in the experiments that led to the paper.

“Moment by moment, brick by brick, I am building a life full of things more important to me than my problems.”

This topic is very near and dear to my heart. I don’t speak as an outsider on the topics of affirmations or severe depression. 20 years ago, at the age of 25, I nearly died due a severe depression and undiagnosed Addison’s Disease. The fact is I should have been dead. My electrolytes were below levels capable of supporting life. I had eaten nothing and drank little for weeks and I was down to 96 pounds. My father had to carry me into the hospital emergency room. Every cell in my body hurt and I wanted to die to escape the pain – physical and psychological that I was feeling.

Affirmations were an absolute mainstay in my climb from that deep, dark place. They remain a key part of my success today.

When I encounter someone who is suffering from depression, anxiety, or other difficult life situations; it’s not theoretical to me. I understand what they are going through. I know the struggles I had for years after that hospital visit. I know the hard work and determination it took to change my thinking and change my life. My passion is to help people who suffer from these conditions to get better and live the life they came here to live.

That’s why I started The Affirmation Spot. That’s why I spend a couple of hours every day tweeting affirmations for people on Twitter. That’s why messages of disempowerment and “you can’t” being delivered by the media and mental health professionals bother me so much. I know it feels like you can’t sometimes, but you can! It’s not hyperbole, magic, or a scam. It’s the truth. I did it and so can you!

I applaud Dr. Wood and her colleagues for tackling this topic and attempting to put science behind what my experience and that of so many others clearly demonstrates.

However, the study failed to grasp the process required for affirmations (”positive statements”) to impact the thinking of a depressed person. Subjects were questioned about their mood during the cognitive dissonance that is always sure to occur during an attempt to shift thinking. I know this personally, as I have encountered it many times. In fact, every time I use affirmations to pursue some new goal I encounter cognitive dissonance.

The research apparently took place in a single instance. Affirmations take time, repetition, belief, and commitment to impact and replace negative thinking. There is no evidence that study participants had any commitment to change their feeling of “not being lovable” by use of the affirmation. They certainly did not have time for repetition to have its effect.

The measurements in this study were akin to measuring the muscle growth of someone after one workout in the gym.

As someone who turned my life around using affirmations and other tools and now works to help others do the same, I can state that this research is preliminary, incomplete, and far from conclusive.

My view is that the research should continue and that a methodology conducive to a true study of this question should be devised to examine the validity of these findings. I suggest the following criteria as a starting point.

1. Clinical Trial – conduct a real clinical trial using real psychological patients rather than grad students. There should be a controlled group or perhaps even a comparison against other treatment options.
2. Decision – participants should be people with a a commitment to changing their negative beliefs, thoughts, and habits. Affirmations are just wishful thinking without a decision to change. Without this commitment, neither affirmations nor most other treatment courses will work.
3. Time – affirmations are just like an exercise program. It takes time for the results to be seen. The affirmations have to be used, as with any other treatment, over a period of time and progress in mood and behavior monitored for positive change.
4. Targeted Change and Affirmations – both the thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors to be changed must be identified and affirmations specific and appropriate should be used. “I am lovable” is a nice sentiment, but a a weak affirmation to produce real change. The goals to be achieved, obviously, have to be realistic.
5. Multiple Content Types – The affirmations should be delivered audibly, verbally, and visually to account for varying learning styles. I also recommend what I call holographic affirmations – first person, second person, and named affirmations. First person affirmations are said to obtain ownership of the affirmation. Second person affirmations are used as thought replacement because the overwhelming majority of negative thoughts come into our minds as “you” statements. Name affirmations get the person’s attention by using the sweetest sound in the language – their name – as a cue.
6. Reinforcemnt – progress must be reinforced to solidify the positive, empowered thinking we want to achieve. There are a lot of competitors to fill the voids of our thoughts and emotions media, family, religion, government, etc. If we are not encouraging and reinforcing the thoughts of our choosing, someone else will fill that void. That is how most people wound up being LSE in the first place. They listened to others about how they should feel and think about themselves

This study and the media feeding that has followed leaves millions of depressed people with the impression that thinking positive, empowering thoughts is not a viable solution for them. I am living proof that this is not so.

The idea that these people should be left to wallow in the realism of their depressive thoughts is a sad and unwarranted message. Yes, change is hard, but change is part of human potential. To tell someone obsessed with negative thoughts that thinking better thoughts is “dangerous” or “fruitless” (as many articles about this study have) is the height of irresponsibility.

I would hope that this research continues along the lines described above and that studies measuring the true efficacy of affirmations as a tool can be conducted. 20 years of my life and my interactions with many, many people tell me that such research will demonstrate that sensible positive thinking is an option and a way to the light for those suffering, as I once did.

In closing, I have one simple question. Regardless of the situation you are facing in life, are you going to have better results facing it with the burden of negative thoughts or with the empowerment of positive thoughts? The answer is clear. Positive thoughts are not the enemy. Negative thoughts are the problem. We need to keep that in perspective.

Stay inspired!

Ray

2009 Affirmation

“This year I am absolutely committed to being the person I came here to be!”

I love to give permission for my kids to do things they enjoy, particularly in the summertime. The season goes by so quickly in Minnesota, it’s tempting to pack as much activity in as possible. “Yes, you can,” is heard a lot at our home. I suppose you could call me an enabler.

But I prefer being another kind of enabler—one that says “Yes, you can!” when they feel uncertain about their abilities. One of the greatest challenges they’ll face is their own self-diminishment. Taking thoughts captive and replacing untruth with truth is one of the hardest skills to master. As their dad, I want to help them recognize early the symptoms of stinkin’ thinkin’ (as Zig Ziglar calls it) and encourage them to say to themselves, “Yes. I can.”

These suggestions may help you become that kind of enabler as well:

• Be a detective. It’s likely your kids are harboring self-defeat in some form. Like a detective, look for evidence of stinkin’ thinking. But tread lightly. You don’t want to push the culprit back into hiding.
• Inquire about new experiences. Has your child picked up a new friend recently or started a new activity? The start of any new endeavor is often filled with self-doubt. Ask about their new experiences and listen carefully to their responses.
• Explore abandoned experiences. Has your child recently abandoned a sport, hobby, or other social activity? Not every activity is meant to last forever, but sudden loss of interest may be a clue that your child has hit the internal wall of self-doubt.
• Encourage replacement challenges. Find challenges that stretch and don’t break. If possible join them in it and encourage them along the way.
• Pray for break-through moments. Sometimes it doesn’t take a lot of detective work to discover self-defeating thinking in our kids. Saying, “you shouldn’t think that way” is usually not effective. That’s when it’s best to pray for a break-through moment. These are times when a shared experience becomes a teachable moment. A shared experience affords the opportunity to talk about the experience together and share how you worked through your own self-doubt.

What suggestions have you found helpful for enabling a “Yes, I can” belief in your children?

With all the celebrities dropping like flies, rumors of other celebrities kicking the bucket are running rampant. CNN even had an article on it today:

After a string of real celebrity deaths last week, the Internet and online social networks killed a few more stars.

Despite what you may have read, Jeff Goldblum, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Britney Spears, Harrison Ford and Rick Astley are alive.

It brought up a negative thinking point I like to tell people all the time especially when the media is involved: You don’t have to believe everything you hear!!

Too often, rumors are spreads as quickly as an STD on the “Rock of Love“.  Just remember to use the 3 L’s:

Listen – It’s always good to hear what information is floating around out there. You don’t want to be on the outside looking in when something important goes down. At work, in your life, surprises can be fun or traumatic. If you can get hints or outright concrete evidence of something bad about to happen before it does, how helpful would that be?

Look Up – Once you hear something, you need to verify it. Multiple sources, independant verification, all things journalists are supposed to do before going to print, you should do as well before you believe it.

Learn – You can learn who is a valuable resource and who is not from the person spreading the rumors. If your friend Dave is always wrong about every rumor he spreads, you know he’s not someone to be routinely believed. If your buddy, Mark is always on the button about future events, when you hear something, he might be a great resource to verify info with.

But too many people are like Stephen Colbert (just not as funny) when it comes to rumors and they take everything as the truth, verifying be damned:

The following is a large but definitely not an exhaustive list of areas where Hypnotherapy is effectively used.

• Removing Addictions like drinking, smoking, drugs, shopping, sex, porn browsing, etc
• Removing or Cultivating Habits
• Memory Improvement
• Concentration Enhancement
• Emotional Stability
• Depression Management
• Stress and Anxiety Management
• Chronic Pain Management
• Stammering and Stuttering
• Fears and Phobias like fear of heights, fear of water, fear of closed spaces, fear of dogs, etc
• Confidence Building
• Removing Negative Thinking
• Performance Improvement (Sports, Education, Work)
• Enhancing Creativity
• Removing Exam Fear
• Public Speaking
• Personality Building
• Motivation and Goal Achievement
• Obesity and Weight loss
• Anorexia and Weight gain
• Removing suicidal thoughts
• Relationship Issues
• Removing Negative Beliefs
• Dealing with Loss
• Removing Writer’s Block

Hypnotherapy is also used in the following areas:

• Releasing Karmic Debts
• Curse Removal
• Neutralizing effects of Vows (Eg. Healer’s Vow)
• Spirit Releasement
• Healing Past Life Issues
• Cleansing Houses and Places of Negative Energies

Simply put, Hypnotherapy is a therapeutic process using hypnotism as the major tool. Hypnotherapy majorly deals with the problems of the mind – like fears, phobias, addictions, habits, negative thinking, etc. But it is also effective in treating or managing various other issues like education and sports performance, relationship issues, emotional management, physical issues like obesity, blood pressure, diabetes, etc.

See Applications of Hypnotherapy to know more.

Fear doesn’t grip your heart.  It is your heart that grips fear.

Fear is an ancient protector of our very skin from physical threat.  An ancient savior that has become a crippling nuisance when we need, for example, to speak publicly.  Fear has become a brain cramp when we try to talk to someone we find attractive.  It’s become a liability in our professional lives preventing us from picking up a phone to call a prospect.  It is as if fear has caused the phone to weigh ten thousand pounds.

Perhaps, in our bones, we still carry the old knowing that standing out in the crowd can attract a watching predator or a that approaching a potential mate can attract a violent competitor.  Odds are pretty slim, today, that you’ll be eaten or beaten for letting your light shine bright.  Few, however, do.

To shine you must relax your grip on fear.  Simple.  Really.  I’m serious.

It is a simple thing to start running fear out of your life.  You accept the fact that you use thoughts to drive up your fear.  You become aware of when you have such thoughts.  You replace them with other thoughts.  Repeat until fear is at a useful level.

Fire yourself up instead of beating yourself up.  Negative thoughts are self demolition and work hand in hand with fear.  We lead our self to self – paralysis with this one-two punch combination.  Negative thoughts leave you filling more vulnerable to potential predators and competitors.

The good news, you deal with your own negativity the same way you deal with your own fear.  Positive, courageous thoughts grow positive and courageous lives for ourselves.  Start listening to yourself.  Start upgrading your thoughts.  Start choosing to feel joyful instead of fearful.

Start talking to yourself positively.  Stop talking to yourself negatively and fearfully.  Here’s how.

1) Planned self talk.
2) Planned self listening.
3) Planned pattern interruption.

Now, here are the details.

1) Planned self talk.

Say good things to yourself out loud at least twice a day.   Listen to yourself and repeat so that you believe them.  Come up with a list of 20 things to say.  You must start them with “I am.”
Say things like:
I am in a state of joy.
I am happy.  OR  I am in the process of becoming happy.

2) Planned self listening.

Listen to your thoughts and write down the negative and fearful ones.
Categorize them.  Below are three links to articles on categorizing negative and fearful thinking. Create challenges and/or replacements.  Suggestions on how to do this are also in the articles below.

3) Planned pattern interruption.

Catch yourself talking yourself down or scaring yourself.  Stop yourself.  Substitute your challenges or replacements and feel better.
A simple process.  Now you have a simple choice.  To live in fear or joy.  I hope you pick the latter and start talking yourself up.

Articles
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=empower_negativethinkingWS
http://els4kids.blogspot.com/2008/12/automatic-negative-thoughts-ants-ideas.html
http://www.byui.edu/CounselingCenter/Stress%20Management/Challenging%20Distorted%20Thinking.htm

The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. – Dalai Lama

Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You’ll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

Let’s take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.
10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

Problem: If you think you can’t be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, you’ll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied we want more.

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn’t have to be some state that we want to get to eventually it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.

2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

Problem: We’ll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful.. In truth, many, many people can be successful in different ways.

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn’t even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I am a miserable failure I can’t seem to do anything right.

Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you’ve accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It’s an incredibly positive feeling.

5. I’m going to beat so-and-so no matter what I’m better than him. And there’s no way I’ll help him succeed he might beat me.

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can’t also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down.

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don’t let it hold you back. Don’t dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

7. You can’t do anything right! Why can’t you be like ____ ?

Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we’d be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

8. Your work sucks. It’s super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

Problem: I’ve actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let’s look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. It’s also not a good way to make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That’s a good thing.

9. Insulting People Back

Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don’t let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

10. I don’t think I can do this I don’t have enough discipline. Maybe some other time..

Problem: If you don’t think you can do something, you probably won’t. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for “some other time”, you’ll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don’t need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can.. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.

I’m a big fan of the police.

One of my closest childhood friend’s dad was a police chief. I worked with the NH State Police for a few years and learned that they are a great example of how negative thinking can be applied for positive results. They never assume innocence, they are usually suspicious and often hard to convince. Which comes in handy when dealing with sneaky, underhanded criminal types that often lie.

But the Houston cops made a wee bit of a mistake this morning because they assumed. They assumed the house they surrounded had a suspect in it. In fact…it was empty. From the Houston Chronicle:

Police SWAT officers spent more than three hours outside a northeast Houston home in which a homicide suspect was thought to be inside, but a search turned up no one.

The standoff began about 9:30 p.m. Sunday when police tried to serve an arrest warrant after police were alerted that the man, Francisco Lopez, 45, had locked himself in the home in the 8800 block of Chatwood.

SWAT was called about 3 a.m. and officers went into the house shortly after dawn. No one was found in the living area or the attic.

There never was any contact with anyone inside even though police said they saw movement overnight.

Lopez is wanted in connection with the slaying of his niece’s husband last Thursday, police said. Another man was wounded in the attack.

Neighbor Rick Garcia, 45, said he woke early this morning to police loudspeakers asking Lopez to surrender, or at least contact them by phone. He said Lopez, a drywall hanger and painter who has a wife and three children, has been a good neighbor and family man.

Lopez’s nieces and nephews and other family members often visit, and he hadn’t noticed an trouble signs recently, Garcia said.

DOH!!

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One of the tenants of negative thinking is thinking about possible outcomes. Not dwelling on horrible or bad outcomes, but understanding possibilities so you can avoid bad situations. And that is why I have no sympathy for Joe Buck when his guest Artie Lange acted like a foul-mouthed abusive idiot. That’s Artie Lange!! You know when you get Artie on as a guest, he’s going to swear, and he’s going to say outlandish things to shock. Joe and his people were well aware of Artie’s reputation and if they didn’t, they are horrible at their jobs.

Not sure what I’m talking about? From USAToday:

It was train wreck TV Monday night as comedian Artie Lange of The Howard Stern Show took over the maiden taping of HBO’s new show, Joe Buck Live.

Lange unleashed a barrage of obscene and homophobic jokes about Buck and Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, while calling singer Jessica Simpson a “fat chick” who resembles the late Saturday Night Live comic Chris Farley.

At the end of the live taping in Manhattan, Buck thanked Lange for putting an end to his show after one episode. Fellow guest Michael Irvin grabbed the microphone and joked: “It’s refreshing to see white-on white crime.”

The show is sure to draw comparisons to author Buzz Bissinger’s tirade against bloggers during a live episode of Costas Now last year.

Buck told USA TODAY he couldn’t wait for the Lange segment to end. “I thought that spending time on a treadmill felt long. That was like 8 or 9 minutes that turned into an eternity. You know, it’s cable, you can get away with it. It’s not my style. But, you do one show and you learn and you move on.”

At least Joe is going to use negative thinking in the future by learning from his mistakes.

Joe, since we’re close personal friends…next guest you have doubts about, call me. I’ll let you know if you should put them on or not. Free of charge. My gift to you.

Good morning friends. Infinite movement of thought.  Have you ever believed in this?  I do believe.  Thought is the kind of action or process of thinking.  We people were those who think of things whether it’s good or bad, positive or negative.  We are arranging ideas in our mind. 

 What we call happiness or ecstasy is, to me, creative thinking. And creative thinking is the infinite movement of thought, emotion and action.

That is, when thought, which is emotion, which is action itself, is unimpeded in its movement, is not compelled or influenced or bound by an idea, and does not proceed from the background of tradition or habit, then that movement is creative. So long as thought is circumscribed, held by a fixed idea, or merely adjusts itself to a background or condition and, therefore, becomes limited, such thought is not creative.

So the question which every thoughtful person puts to himself is how can he awaken this creative thinking; because when there is this creative thinking, which is infinite movement, then there can be no idea of a limitation or a conflict.

Now this movement of creative thinking does not seek in its expression a result, an achievement; its results and expression are not its culmination. It has no culmination or goal, for it is externally in movement. Most minds are seeking a culmination, a goal, an achievement, and are moulding themselves upon the idea of success, and such thought, such thinking is continually limiting itself, whereas if there is no idea of achievement but only the continual movement of thought as understanding, as intelligence, then that movement of thought is creative.

That is, creative thinking ceases when mind is crippled by adjustment through influence, or when it functions with the background of a tradition which it has not understood, or from a fixed point, like an animal tied to a post. So long as this limitation, this adjustment, exists, there cannot be creative thinking, intelligence, which alone is freedom. – The Times of India

This week has turned out to be all video. Comedy Central’s The Daily Show and The Colbert Report have really embraced negative thinking. Especially Stephen Colbert.
Never one to assume everything will stay the same, Stephen gives us another fallback position. This one with the bonus of vomit!

Saw this last night and had to post it.  Please excuse the first couple of seconds with Joe Biden.

I’m a sucker for stupid improv.

Not the regular improv like you see at some seedy theater off-off-Broadway where the pepper the audience with the same boring “Someone give us an Occupation!” stuff, but just two guys riffing. You get more crap than gold, but the gold for me is always worth it.

Sponsor a care package at www.USO.org !

PS – Tom Hanks is one of the nicest guys. I met him in New York City and he is a very fan-friendly egoless type. Or he was using his 2-time Acadamy Award acting skills to fake it. Either way, he was nice to me!