The weeks since that day (18th of October) have been interesting, hilarious, tough, exhausting, emotional…you name it, seems like I’ve been there.  And D?  He’s just been non-committal for the most part.

A full two weeks went by and I knew I was going to lose my mind if something didn’t give.  We’re under the same roof (but separate beds) being ‘nice’ to each other, but to what purpose?

I finally came up with a bright idea for some home grown marriage counseling right at the very beginning of November.  I sat him down at the kitchen table and suggested to him that we could spend however much time we wanted to devote to it, one evening each week for just four weeks, each talking about something negative about the other and then something positive about the other – it didn’t even have to be a personality trait, it could be something we’d done together that was either positive or negative.  He was actually warming up to the idea.  I suppose he found it attractive that, although I hoped it would help us learn something about each other and maybe even allow us to continue beyond the four weeks – or, after four weeks, maybe it would be easier for both of us to walk away without recriminations.

Except, he balked at the catch that came with the deal.  We could sit down and talk, but if we did so, he’d have to break it off with Frances M Campbell, at least for the four week period, and he’d have to prove it to me by writing a letter to her saying that he was breaking it off and I would send it to her.  He point blank refused of course.  I asked him if she wouldn’t wait for him for a month, but he said of course she would.  So, then I said if we weren’t going to do this sit down and talk and he wouldn’t break off with her, then, as I’d said just a couple of weeks earlier, I wanted him out of the house, I wanted him to see if he could go stay with his parents.  Again, he refused.  He made his choice.  I felt I had no other option than to refuse to interact with him, to refuse to ‘live’ with him, even though we were under the same roof.  That meant no more cooking for each other, no more washing each other’s clothes, no more ‘doing’ for each other.

For whatever reason, he now seemed unsure whether he wanted to do that!  It was a Monday evening and he said he wanted to think about the whole thing.  I asked him if he could please come back to me on the Wednesday evening and give me a decision.  Of course, Wednesday evening came and went with him hiding out in his room.  Thursday evening, I was really ticked off and confronted him, trying to get a rise out of him.  It was difficult.  But, finally, when I told him I thought he was the world’s biggest coward that he couldn’t even tell me it’s over when it obviously is, he said, very quietly, ‘it’s over’.

That took the wind out of my sails.  I wasn’t sure what to say, except that I would seriously start looking for a new place to live now that he’d finally had the courage to make a frickin’ decision.

The next evening after work, I caught the train to Leicester to spend the night at my uncle’s.  We hashed through everything and, just like my four female friends, he was supportive and full of sound advice.  And I was proud of myself for not needing the box of tissues at hand.

I was home again the next evening, back to the stress and tension of living under the same roof as my husband…

in the darkness
the mind goes
to dark places
revisiting
past visions
that have come
and gone
stains
on the film
of the reel
of time
yet remain
still
in the crevices
of the mind
as I search
for the switch
to turn on
the light
that will open
my mind
to what I see
through my eyes

I light up the darkness…

destroy the negative.

It occured to me after a few conversations with friends and clients over a period of days that what comes out of my mouth can be quite powerful. Now before you say “well duh!”, hear me out!

Do you unconsciously use negative words like ” I cant do that”, I am too weak, I may not reach that goal, It is too hard, I dont like that, etc.. The list can go on and on.

Lets start by unpacking a few of these phrases.

If I say “I can’t do that” out loud, I am reinforcing the fact that I will not do it. What if I do want to achieve that particular goal? Would it not be better to say, Well I can do a modified version of that goal! That is reinforcing forward motion and goals are accomplished by one small step after another.

If I focus on “weak” rather than strong I am looking at what I cannot do rather than what I can do and therfore decreasing my potential for success. I could focus on what I am good at and seek to improve it.

What about using “I dont like that”? It may be a true statement but it is reinforcing negativity rather than focusing on what I do like. Life is so short and we only get one go so why not focus these “now” moments on what we do like about our current fitness regime.

As you go through the next few hours check the words you are using and even words of those you are conversing with. Are they positive or negative? If your words are negative you can easily change that by recognizing how you are limiting yourself. If the words of others are negative you have a choice to either let them know what it sounds like or alternatively keep that conversation short so as to eliminate negativity from your day.

I trust this will help you to stay focused and keep achieving those goals.

Tim James

Certified PT, Australian Kettlebell Instructor

Modern Warfare 2 already came under criticism before release due to the controversial Airport Massacre video, now after the game has broken many records some gamers have complained MW2 be short on game play and some people are already bored playing MW2, while i just bumped upon an article in which the author expresses his opinion that playing MW2 is an insult to your intelligence, well i really wonder if proving such point is really going to get everyone off playing this game, considering that Year 2009 did not see many AAA grade game titles release, MW2 is no way a boring game, it’s just that every one would have a different take on it

予算書というのは細かい数字の並ぶ膨大な書類で、素人が読んでもわからない。

These ‘budget papers’ are a massive amount of paperwork with line upon line of finely calculated numbers. There’s no way a novice could understand these even if he actually read them.

予算書　budget papers
細かい数字　finely accounted numbers; detailed figures.
素人 novice; beginner

From Nobuo Ikeda’s blog on IT and Economics. His site is a great source of sentences that is definitely worth checking out if you’re into IT or Econ.

When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. (Literally: ass-u-me.) I have always greatly appreciated this little saying. It’s perfectly witty and clever, and as an extra bonus, it’s perfectly true.

These days, I’m sick of people assuming when it concerns me. Not only are they making an ass out of themselves, but they’re dragging me along with them into the ass-y pool.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have received so many comments from people I love about how I “must hate the world.” I like to share my opinions, and though they aren’t always positive, I like to throw them out there. The problem is, nobody ever bites my bait. Everyone just seems to think that I abhor the world. Everything I say and everything I do supports this theory, apparently.  I will admit that I’m a little cynical and extremely critical, but that doesn’t mean I hate everything. People should just stop assuming that hating is all I do. I’m very opinionated and I can’t help but express those opinions, no matter how negative they may be.

I guess it just goes to show who knows me and who really a

I love life, I just don’t always like the people involved in mine. So, sometimes people should just stop assuming, because when they do about me, they are almost always wrong. They just make asses out of themselves and me when I sputter and try to defend my poor, “negative” little self. The people that assume are the people that only see me as the Emily I portray in school. Of course she’s going to be miserable; it’s school.

I guess this just goes to show who knows me and who really and truly does not.

Another attempt at revolutionizing the fashion industry with larger models had people cheering. I think it’s great that we change the standards to reflect a healthy figure. I wonder however, why we must make the leap from zero to fourteen. 0 – 14. Whatever happened to size 6? Or athletic & toned instead of voluptuous & curvy? Too long a leap, I reckon. Yes it’s mentally healthy to embrace one’s own body image and be accepting of all others, but having a BMI outside of the physiologically ‘healthy range’ is not so great. [NB: while Body Mass Index (BMI) is a flawed concept, in almost all cases where BMI is greater than 30, it represents an unhealthy habitus].

I’m not saying that individuals of size 14 aren’t beautiful. I’m speaking strictly of statistically healthy body dimensions and composition. Pure numbers for medicine. Not aesthetics. Because if the argument is “it’s good to see HEALTHY-sized models finally,” (as per the comments on that story) then I think the subjects in questions should be truly a healthy size. I’m also not saying it’s easy, just that it’s important!

I have seen some incredibly fat people. 650 pounds. 450 pounds. There’s no sidestepping or pussy footing here; my “P.C.” language is out the window, because it’s too serious not to be open and honest about.

Obesity is easily detectable; it’s not so easily treated. One day, I looked around the ICU. Eight out of our nine patients that day were obese, two were morbidly so. Coincidence? Not really. Obese people have a greater risk of many negative medical outcomes. So do malnourished people – though they are different problems and fortunately anorexia and malnutrition are not epidemic in North America.

Listing things doesn’t change anything. People know that being fat isn’t healthy; but it’s academically interesting to know why, and there may be some surprises. I’ll write about making changes another time. So, here goes – and FYI this is not a complete list.

Systems-based consequences of obesity:

Neuro/psych (brain): low self esteem is a fairly common and unfortunate state in those with BMIs over 30, but so too are depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome; diminished mental capacity is also a problem, oddly enough

Occular (eyes): via high blood pressure or diabetes, decreased visual acuity and blindness can ensue; even without concomitant disorders, obese people are at greater risk of developing eye disease, like glaucoma and cataracts

Cardiovascular (heart and blood vessels): high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, blood clots in the legs (DVTs) that can move to the lungs (pulmonary emboli), and congestive heart failure all occur more frequently

Respiratory (lungs and airway): problems here are variable; restrictive lung disease and obstructive sleep apnea are pretty common; undergoing anaesthesia is also more dangerous

Gastrointestinal (Esophagus, Stomach, Bowels, Liver, Gallbladder): gastroesophageal reflux, stomach ulcers, fatty liver, gall stones, and bowel cancer; some studies suggest an increased prevelence of pancreatic or gallbladder cancer as well

Genitourinary (Reproductive, Kidney, Bladder): Obstetric Complications are manifold: these include gestational hypertension and diabetes, and delivery complications such as higher rates of caesarean sections and prolonged time of delivery (Obesity Review). Fertility is also an issue with higher rates of amenorrhea and infertility, not to mention the fact that susceptibility to endometrial, ovarian, and (postmenopausal) breast cancer is elevated. Oh, and more kidney cancer too. Cancer! Cancer! Cancer!

Dermatological (skin): Dermatological complications are also common; I often see skin folds infected with Candida (yeast), and unpleasantly for all, it’s hard for very large people to wash, so body odor can be a problem

Musculoskeletal (muscles and bones): Generally, with exceptions, obese people are less capable of physical activity; their weight also predisposes them to gouty and osteo arthritis; if sedentary, muscle contractures can arise

Endocrine (hormones): Everyone and their dog knows that there is a link between excess fat and Insulin Resistance/Diabetes Mellitus, but Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and even thyroid conditions are other hormonal derangements that occur

** As a patient, you would be difficult to examine (I can’t feel the organs in your belly or hear your heart with my stethoscope), difficult to intubate (the weight of your chest compresses neck tissue), and difficult to test (your veins are lost under the adipose tissue, you might not fit in the CT scanner or MRI tube).**

As a doctor, it is a MAJOR struggle to help patients manage a diet, exercise schedule, and (in some cases) food addiction. Most people are pre-contemplative. They know that being obese might have some effects on health, but they don’t think anything bad will happen to them, or they wish to continue as they are, despite negative consequences. More often, people know they should change but don’t believe that they can. Sometimes it takes something as serious as a heart attack to jar someone into action.

Everyone copes differently. Self-control is a factor; this awesome New Yorker article explores Walter Mischel’s marshmallow experiment and the secret of self-control. Diets, portion control, substitutions, exercise, psychotherapy, support groups, and pills or gastric bypass are things people try. Everyone is different. Even if you have a “junk food gene” you can trump it. Like I mentioned above, I’ll write about that another time. Right now, this post itself is tipping the scales, so it’s time to stop!

And in recognition of just how difficult it is…

www.blacklabelmusic.nl

Tourism is a booming industry. With many travellers flocking to different destinations around the globe, tourism is becoming one of the most viable business markets in the world. However, air travel, car travel and other aspects of tourism are adding to the planet’s pollution crisis and this is becoming a problem. Travel operators and hospitality corporates realised that some action needed to be taken, and Eco-tourism was created as a solution to this problem.

Eco-tourism is now one of the fastest growing sectors of the tourism industry. Eco-tourism involves the conservation of biological and cultural diversity through education of locals and tourists alike. By protecting ecosystems it has had a positive effect on the local communities and their livelihoods through their participation in projects and lessening the impact on the environment.

Why Eco-Tourism?
A tourist operator who offers eco-tourism is basically an operator who makes no negative impact on the environment and helps to sustain and promote the life of the local ecosystems.

Their activities should not pollute the local surroundings and have a mutually beneficial relationship with local residents through education of how to sustain themselves without damaging the environment. In South Africa, teaching locals how to make crafts from empty cans and used containers to minimise litter and help create a source of income is one example of this. The tour operator should also be involved in the education of locals concerning the environment and teaching them how to live in harmony with it, instead of destroying it.

There are many benefits to eco-tourism, yet many hospitality providers claim they offer eco-tourism holidays and accommodation when they do not. Governments and tourism providers are leaning towards the promotion of anything which involves nature as eco-tourism, allowing activities which are not based upon sustainable development of the environment and communities.

Tourism ventures such as low-impact tourism, green tourism, bio-tourism and ecologically responsible tourism are advertised as eco-tourism when they do not fall under this category realistically.

The Problems with Fake Eco-Tourism
“Green washing” is a term used to describe the occurrence of a tourism operator claiming to offer eco-friendly holidays when they are in fact, environmentally destructive. This practice involves the commercialisation of tourism involving nature and some ecological projects as eco-tourism. Many people flock to these tourism operators and end up doing more damage to the environment than if they had not used a ‘green’ operator. They are destructive towards the environment, are insensitive towards cultural needs and exploit the tourism economy. They are also misleading to tourists as they appeal to the desire to help the environment which tourists have, yet destroy the environment, not giving the tourists what they have asked for.

Despite some operators meeting the guidelines, there may still be a negative impact on the environment and local communities. Eco-tourism operators need to have a thoroughly positive impact on the environment with few, if not no negative impacts. If there is a negative impact, this should be counter acted by some kind of compensatory action such as planting trees and so forth.

South Africa is currently reaping many economic benefits from eco-tourism but there are still problems with displacement of people, violations of constitutional rights and negative impact on the environment from tourism activities.

An eco-tourism operator should be involved in investing in the local ecosystems and conservation. Rejuvenation of the natural resources and the education of locals in living in harmony with these ecosystems is paramount to eco-tourism. Education of tourists, assisting the livelihoods of locals in supporting themselves without negative environmental impact and the conservation of biological and cultural diversity should be not only endorsed but achieved through eco-tourism. Money generated from eco-tourism should also be invested in furthering conservation efforts.

u know what?
today isnt my day.

my mum aint in a good mood,
and I was the one who kena.
my dad was at home,
but he aint talking.
my brother went to work,
and I aint talking to him.

oh well,
I do feel like going out.
but where the fucking hell can I go at this point of time with no one?
and further more,
there’s sch tmr :|

I sms-ed someone,
hopping that she will talk to me.
but oh well,
it seems like she’s kind of busy.
ending up,
I feel like offing my phone.

facebook, msn, youtube,
nth for me to do.
N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

what can I do?
no one hears me anyway.

it doesnt feels good to act like nth when I’m bothered by everything or anything.
its hard to pretend,u know?
I just wonder why,
why do I have to be in this state?
aint I suppose to be cheerful?
aint I suppose to be laughing?
aint I suppose to be happy?

oh man,
i dont know,
it just dont feels right.

there’s sch tmr,
and I dont feel like going home so early.
whats the point?
I cant hang out too,
no one wants to.
so, I guess
I just have to go home.

If you photograph on negative film and scan it, you may want to invert the image in Lightroom.  Or, perhaps you like the “film negative” look, and want to invert your positive digital images.  In either case, if you have looked for an “invert” button in Lightroom, you will have found out that there is none.

Martin Evening has a video out on how you can create a Lightroom preset to invert your images.  It involves inverting one raw file using Adobe Camera Raw, updating the file in Lightroom to reflect the ACR changes, and then saving these changes as a preset that you can apply to other images in Lightroom.  To see the video, click here.

I have gone ahead and created a preset using his method.  It works on both color and black and white images.  You can download the preset here.   After downloading, in the Lightroom Preset Panel within Develop, right-click on User Presets, choose Import, and navigate to the file. The import process will copy the preset to the Presets folder — you can delete the version you downloaded.   After the preset is imported, simply select an image, and click on the preset.

Note that adjustments in the Develop panels are still operating on the negative, so they are reversed.  For example, sliding the Exposure slider to the right will darken your image rather than brighten it.   The same is true with Tone Curve adjustments, and all others.

Thank you to Dan for suggesting this topic, using the “Submit a Proposed Topic” button above.

Download de track ‘Hij Wel’ hier: http://www.box.net/shared/a0sphihg05

This morning as Starr and I walked at the dam and met up with other dogs and their people I was suddenly clearer about a message that has repeatedly come to my attention. A reflective message that Starr is mirroring back to me. What a gift!

I have struggled, as many of you already know, with Starr’s reaction to other dogs. I felt nervousness, deep concern and I felt/feel responsible for her reaction to a dog that is unstable in their energy…i.e. the other dog also doesn’t know how to react to Starr or has had negative interaction in the past so is fearful or aggressive and acting that out with Starr.

At times, Starr tends to react to the other dog’s energy (because of her own past stuff) instead of being a leader and setting a relaxed tone for interacting. I just recently started telling her that now that she is an adult (she is 5 yrs old) that I expect her to be able to take the lead and set the tone and energy for interaction with others…i.e. if the other dog is hyper or demanding attention or aggressive in any way – I would expect Starr would remain calm and be the positive example.

Please understand that I still realize she is working her stuff out – just as I am. Yay.

My intention is to continue to allow her all the time and space she needs (and practice) to feel more and more confident with other dogs and their energy.

The mirrored part for me – the divine gift that she is showing me – is that I, also, do not have to let any outside influence determine my mood, my energy, my actions (or reactions), my decisions or the quality of my day. Period. Simple stuff. Not so simple to feel though.

I have had several challenges come up at once in the past couple of weeks. The challenges have triggered me in multiple ways. This in turn has made it even more challenging to stay focused on the positive and all that I have in my life that is good…that is love…that is choice….that is opportunity.

Thank you Starr – as always – for leading the way and pointing me in the right direction.

To growth! To love! To appreciation! To being in the moment!

Why is it that one would find it necessary to compose poetry? It’s just prose laid out in lines and made to rhyme (in a very forced way, one could add). It’s an art form that won’t stand up to the modern age of loud music, rap, and the shot glass version of a news story that is so popular today. Poetry will go the way of classical music, only being enjoyable to a few people who have devoted their lives to understanding it (and who are probably out of touch with everyday people anyway). While I can’t provide a rebuttal to all of these solutions (I’ll save some of them for a later date), I can try to give poetry’s use, and necessity, in my own life.

Poetry is for me a way to formulate problems. Notice I have mentioned nothing about solutions. Solutions are not a necessary part of a poem; if a poem decides to simply pose a problem without a solution, it is not then discarded. Poetry is a way for me to take the problems that arise in life, especially the ones that seem unresolvable and decide to languish in my brain for hours on end, and force them into an organization. If my life presents me with a problem that I have found unresolvable, or that disturbs me to my core, I can take that problem and enclose it in this progression of verse.

To put it simply, I can take this conundrum and say to it, “I know that you have drilled and pounded my brain to mush, and I know you don’t have an answer right now. So I’m going to give you an end by forcing you to get yourself organized (however loosely), and I’m going to resolve you by putting a period at the end of you (in most cases).”

Thus I am left with my problem in capsule-form, something that I can swallow. The truth is that, as humans, we have more problems than we will ever have solutions for. If I were to let these problems fester without ever trying to put them to bed, I would have strung myself up by a wire by now. But can’t this outlook on life make one seem rather “negative”? How do I get out of total pessimism after I’ve admitted that I’m drowning in problems?

One can find in poetry a different reaction to “positive” and “negative” poems, and I would say that they’re not as different in content as some would argue. If one views poetry in the way I’ve presented, then one finds that “negative” poetry (See Charles Bukowski’s Hell is a lonely place) is poetry that merely presents the problem as it stands, but admits that the solution to this problem is not readily at hand. “Positive” poetry (See John Donne’s Holy Sonnet X) is poetry that presents the problem AND solution, but presents them as concomitant in some sense.

So we see that while the results may be different, something “positive” will always include something “negative,” if only inasmuch as it is a response to this negativeness.

Positivity does not deny that the negative exists. It merely presents a response to the fact of the negative. The true positive cannot exist without a truly manifest negative.

I seem to have gone the long way round to get to this, but this is the best defense I can give of my art form and the necessity of its existence, at least in my own life. So give yourself a little breathing room and don’t let those problems get you down.

Through Christ,
Ben

I was recently made aware of the question, “What are the negatives to being positive?” An interesting question, for sure. As I read down some of the responses (as this was asked in an online forum), I was struck by the cynicism and general negative reaction. It seemed as though positive people don’t stand a chance with all the negativity going on – especially since the negativity seems to be directed toward the positive folks!

All my life, I’ve been called a positive person. One of my brothers even went so far as to tell me that I’m so positive it’s almost nauseating (he got away with it only because he’s my brother…). So of course, this question struck a chord with me. Is it possible to be *too* positive? What are the negatives to being positive? Some of the negative responses to the original question were: “Positive people are positively annoying,” and, “Being positive blinds you to the harsh reality that is right in front of you” and so forth. You get the idea. It wasn’t pretty.

After perusing these answers, I realized how utterly grateful I am to be positive. Now, I’m not talking about false happiness and peppiness (think super bubbly cheerleader). No – that’s not what being positive means to me. To be positive is to be solutions-oriented. It means not taking things at face value and to really believe that there is inherent good in each one of us. At its core, to be positive is to be loving. It’s a quiet and calm confidence that things will absolutely work out – and that it’s not necessarily our job to understand how or why, but to trust that it will. So when my brother made his comment, I took it as a compliment. I understand we positive folks out there get a bad wrap. We’re perceived as weak or not able to see the big picture. But that’s where they have it wrong. The very act of being positive enables us to see much more and perceive so many solutions that would otherwise seem out of reach. (For you scientific folks out there – there are actual studies done about how positive people actually see more than negative people.)

Do you agree?

At first I thought there were no negatives to being positive, but then I thought about my own experience. Since I have embraced my positive nature, and have let my light shine, that light has exposed a lot of negative influences on my thought. My own friends and colleagues were some of the biggest culprits. Sometimes it’s hard to realize that friends and colleagues who (hopefully) mean well, are having the opposite effect. But no matter how disappointing it is to realize that your friends might be voicing negativity, it does not have any influence on your own outlook unless you allow it to. In other words, nothing can offend you without your consent (another wonderful idea from Eleanor Roosevelt). The meat of this statement is powerful, and it relates beautifully to this idea of the negatives of being positive.

Ironically, the negatives of being positive are exposing the negative influences in our lives. However, this is also a tremendous benefit because it highlights exactly where we need to focus our attention. Without being exposed, these negative voices could multiply and then dominate our thought until we might (*gasp*) become one of those negative voices in someone else’s experience. We are much too smart for that to happen. Once those pesky little negative voices are found out, it’s easy to rid them from our thought. This certainly doesn’t mean that we have to stop being friends with those who may have doubted or condemned us. But it certainly does mean that we can lovingly disagree with them and even thank them for helping us examine our own thinking more closely. By refusing to react to their negativity, you are shining your light for all to see and you are demonstrating the inherent strength in being positive.

Shine your light!

Without letting our light shine, we wouldn’t be able to see where our light is needed the most. It’s the dark spots that need light, not the bright spots. So our friends who may be negative (or the folks who answered the original question with such cynicism) are really those that need our light the most. And by graciously shining our light (just by being who we naturally are), we are allowing our friends and colleagues to do the same. Perhaps without our knowledge, we are a beacon to those around us. You’re showing others the way by shining your light.

Don’t be afraid to be one of the “positive people”. Embrace it and let your beautiful light shine today – and every day. Your light is needed by your family, your friends, your community and the world!

wow, what a day. i don’t even think i should be blogging right now because i need to be resting for …CITY FINALS. YES!!!!!!! ly’s right, it feels surreal. =) it really does. kits have been undefeated for 2 years straight.. & also won gold during those 2 years too. GUESS WHO JUST TOOK THAT WAY FROM THEM WOOOOOOH!!! things to remember: 1st set: 25-12, 2nd & 3rd set.. & 4th set don’t remember.. 5th set: 15-9. BOOYAH!!!

anyways, during my more depressing parts of the day.. it was.. horrible. i tried so hard to not let this situation get the best of me, but it did. and i was so scared that it’d affect my playing today and let down everyone =(.. BUT it turned out well, didn’t it? =) anyways, control. why does it always seem like it’s all about control these days?

OK SCREW THIS I NEED TO SLEEP. goodnight.