Shop, shop, shop - They need the work

OK, what’s up with y’all? Yesterday my blog recorded a very unusual dip in traffic. It’s almost like something else was going on. Hmmm.

I came up with a phrase in an earlier post that really tickled me. “Negativity scene.” Curious if anyone else ever thought of something similar, I went and Googled it. My idea was, perhaps, a post on “how to make your own negativity scene.”

Alas, as always, another one of my great ideas has already been done by someone else. I was amused, however, to see that my humble blog was result #9 on the first page of results for the phrase.

Most of what I found railed against materialism, debauchery, consumerism and indulgence. I have to say I mostly agree.

Here are some notable hits from the Google search:

• Protesters picket ‘Living Negativity Scene’ (2007)
• Christmas Negativity Scene (photos)

Now I must go. Day 3 of the Christmas holiday vacation is about to ensue. Joy.

Gonna try not to be a wonderfully negative nancy considering a lot of good has been happening lately, but it’s just my luck that something this crappy would happen at this particular point. Long story short, my brand new laptop, purchased by me in July, is now completely gone. Accidentally spilled some brisk onto the keyboard, now the motherdrive, hard drive and processour is shot; among other shit. My dad’s convinced that sending it in will do some good even though “accidents aren’t covered by warranty.”

He looked at the warranty and said this himself and then comes up with the plan to send it in. Um, wat?

But whatever. Send the junk in, wait for them to tell us they won’t fix it unless we pay out the ass. In the meantime, I’ll be searching up new laptops as replacement, because we all know that’s what it’s going to come down to.

For now, Tony’s letting me borrow is craptop. xP He has many computers himself, so he has no problem with having this hold me over until mine can be replaced. My mom’s going to have to deal with it too, because I’m using my financial aid leftovers and honestly, I need a computer far more than a car at the moment. Kthnx.

Getting away from this topic, let’s focus on the good. Such as the awesometastical reversible Tripp coat Inferi bought me from ebay! 8D I’ve been eying this coat for years, finding it on many sites for a large and colourful range of prices. Finally, it is mine! I am excite.~

I will also, hopefully, be getting my dream camera from my parents! ;D And Anna’s still waiting for my blue lipstick in the maaaiiilll. Haaaah! Andand…other stuff! Like getting paid and playing on ebay!

O! And I discovered on the trip to Pizza Hut tonight that I live two streets away from a tattoo parlor! 0: And she’s a good tattooist and isn’t mat expensive and theorises my design (I showed her) will cost about $60-$70! ^^ And considering I have a 20% off coupon…yheyteim! Yeesss~

I shall snatch monies from the atm this weekend and skitter ovar. 8D Gotta enlarge my design though. Totally forgot I only made a small refined sketch in blue pen. :/ Woops.

Photatoes shall ensue!

Also, I am determined. Why? Because. I am a nerd. I will learn this dance. Hahaha! I will damnit! And then I will assume apprentices! And then…we will flood the malls! The streets even!

That is how I will begin world domination. :] Indeed.

Okay. I’m done. 8D Hahaha.
fweefwee.Nini~

Hard to believe Y2K was 10 years ago.  That’s what I was thinking recently, and I realized that of all my memories of the past decade, 80% are negative.  I think about bouncing from job to job.  Never really getting ahead financially, socially, or responsibly.  I think about KM, and how she “took” what I wanted from me.  I think about the Bush years, and all the garbage we got from that. The fact the band fizzled out just when we were starting to build something good.  How many relationships did I tarnish?  How many friends did I take advantage of?  How many people do I owe money to?  Why did I associate with him, and end up getting a DUI instead of him?  Why did I make that phone call?  Why?

For the last ten years, I have spent my time blaming situations on others, calling out people for their indiscretions and decisions.  Leaning on others to get me through my own, because, “I’m cursed.”  Instead of seeing the good in people, the good in myself, appreciating and believing in what I had and what I could do, I focused on the negative.  I became impatient, always thinking there was something better, something more.  I gave up on people, relationships, opportunities, and instead focused on my doubts, my fears, my negativity.  I let it guide me.  It has almost driven me off the edge.  Almost.

Yesterday, in the depths of my created despair surrounding the current episode of My UnCharmed Life, I woke up.  I suddenly realized what I should have known all along…that I am creating all of this.  What I choose to believe and put forth is what I receive.  My negativity attracts negativity.  My doubts and fears lead to greater doubts and fears.  I make irrational choices based on irrational beliefs.  I do not appreciate, and therefore, do not receive appreciation.

I have spent the last ten years (honestly, my entire life) creating my negative life, and the only way I can change that is to create my positive life by seeing the positive, living the positive, appreciating what I HAVE and what I CAN do, instead of complaining about and longing for what I don’t have and what I cannot do.  As the simple quote says…

I am stronger than my doubts, my fears and my negativity.  I am real.  They are not.

I alone give them life, and when I take that away, they can no longer shape My Charmed Life.

2010 IS gonna be good, because I’m gonna focus on the GOOD STUFF.

Honey. It is the food of foods, drink of drinks and drug of drugs.What a wonderful, amazing creation honey is! Reading about it, I became fascinated with it and what it cures and treats. It makes me wonder why honey isn’t a more prescribed treatment in medicine nowadays? It sure is better than downing cough syrups, or pills for ailments that honey can cure.  Even if it’s not being used as a treatment, it can obviously be eaten as a snack. Had a bad day at work/school?  Well instead of downing a pint of ice cream eat all the honey you want. It is good for your teeth and gums by the way. Honey FTW!

Read the following excerpt from a book written hundreds of years ago by an Islamic scholar name Ibn Qayyim (yeah I used the word Islamic, but don’t be scurred) Ibn Qayyim was an astronomer, chemist, philosopher, psychologist, scientist and theologian, google him if you want. Please read, it will benefit you:

“Honey contains great benefits, for it cleanses impurities from the veins and stomach etc, whether it is eaten or applied to the skin. It is good for the elderly, the phlegmatic and those whose humours are cold and wet. It is nourishing, aids digestion, energizes, makes unpleasant medicine palatable, is good for the liver and chest, is a diuretic and helps to ease coughs caused by phlegm. If it is drunk warm mixed with rosewater it is beneficial for one who has been bitten by a scorpion or who has consumed opium. If it is drunk on its own mixed with water, it is good for the one who has been bitten by a rabid dog or eaten poisonous mushrooms. If fresh meat is placed in honey, it will stay fresh for three months, as will cucumbers, pumpkins and eggplants. Many fruits can be kept in it for six months. It will also preserve a dead body, and it is known as the trustworthy preserver. If the body of one who is afflicted with lice is painted with honey, it will kill the lice and their eggs. It makes the hair long, beautiful and smooth. If used on the eyes like kohl it clears the vision. If the teeth are brushed with it, it whitens the teeth and makes them bright, and keeps the gums healthy. It opens the veins and induces menstruation. If taken on an empty stomach it takes away phlegm and cleanses the stomach, clearing away waste matter and restoring the correct temperature. It does likewise to the liver, kidneys and urethra.

 As well as all this, it has no side effects and causes little harm. It may cause side effects in one who is suffering from jaundice, but that may be counteracted by vinegar and the like, in which case it becomes very beneficial for him.

 It is a kind of nourishment, a kind of medicine, a kind of drink, a kind of sweet, a kind of cream. There is nothing that has been created for us for a similar purpose that is better than it, or even comes close. The ancient peoples relied on it, and in most of the books of the ancients there is no mention of sugar at all and it was unknown to them, for it is something that is very new. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to drink honey mixed with water on an empty stomach, and this is the secret of maintaining good health that no one can understand except one who is intelligent and blessed.”

 Zaad al-Ma’aad, 4/33, 34.

Honey FTW

Negative thinking is truly everywhere! Even the big man up north devotes half his time to negative thinking. He makes a list of not only the nice children, but the naughty. He not only makes the list, he checks it twice for mistakes. Hate to give a nice child a big old lump of coal.

He recognized that his eyesight was not as good as it used to be and needed some help. So he called on Rudolph to light his way! Honest self-evaluation is something I support 100%. He also recognizes that he can’t do this all by himself, so he has a full complement of elves working feverishly all year long. These little guys really work hard and their quality control is unmatched. Ever get a gift from Santa made with lead paint? Of course not!

Santa knows that his Christmas Eve trip is hard and takes a lot of energy. That’s why he chomps on sugar cookies throughout the night. Riding high on a surge of sugar, he travels the globe. You try doing all that without a couple Oreos (another could-be sponsor? Come on Nabisco!).

So you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout (Negative thinking!! Knowing what NOT to do!!) I’m telling you why.

Santa Claus is coming to town!!

TODAY’S VERSE
“What’s the use of serving God? What have we gained by obeying his commands or by trying to show the LORD of Heaven’s Armies that we are sorry for our sins?”
Malachi 3:14 (NLT)

TODAY’S THOUGHT
Have you ever been disappointed? Has it ever seemed like everything was going wrong and God seemed no where in sight? Sure it has. We all go through these “dark nights of the soul” and the question arises, “What’s the use of serving God?” “What good is living the life He wants me to?” It is in these times that we reflect and pray for perspective. We come to God and ask for wisdom and mercy as we work through our faith. The Israelites didn’t. They weren’t asking questions, at least they weren’t looking for answers. They were already bitter. Their questions were rhetorical. They were really saying, “It is no use in following God. We haven’t gained anything from serving Him.” They were bitter and cynical about life. And that is where we will be if we don’t answer the question, “What is the use of serving God? What have we gained by obeying Him?” What have we gained? How about life, unconditional love, freedom, forgiveness, direction, provision, meaning, purpose, a relationship with Him, the filling of the Holy Spirit, everything good in our life. What have we gained? How about a second, third and hundredth chance, a do over, a new life, a new Father, a new eternal home? Today, don’t let cynicism get the best of you. Answer the question, “What’s the use of serving God” by considering all the ways you have been blessed.

TODAY’S PRAYER
Father, how You have blessed me, let me count the ways! How I praise You, God, for Your love and mercy. How I thank You for your provision. Help me today, Oh God, to remember all You have done for me.
AMEN

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As days pass, I can’t help but look forward to the day where I would leave this town I have been for the past 3 years for a whole new life, for a city where no one knows me, a place of unfamiliarity. I don’t know if I am running away from reality, but I can’t take it anymore. Almost every incident I think of when I close my eyes would be bitter moments in this place. Why? I know I do have my fair share of happiness and joy, but where are they? Why are they overshadowed by the negativities? Why?

Just a couple of days ago, my friends were asking me why I want to leave. I took some time pondering. Not that I did not know the reasons, I knew exactly why I wanted to leave. I thought about this long enough for months before finally deciding, but I just couldn’t tell them because it would be rude considering they were indirectly part of the reasons I leave. Right up to this point, I still don’t think it would be hard to leave this place. In fact, I am very eager to do so. It’s not like me to act this way. Normally I would do a countdown and dread for the day, but now, I am counting down to leave as soon as I can.

I think it is the people here. Yea, seems like I am blaming everything and everyone else, but seriously, I did try. I don’t know why but I just get annoyed so very easily by everything. I think it’s because I have seen too much, I don’t know. I need some time-out. I feel so restless. I feel like my home is not a home. The fact is, I actually hope I can work longer so I have more time out than at home. This is wrong! I thought home is supposed to be where I want to be, where I feel comfortable, but seems like I am wrong.

What is it that I am looking for? Is it just an escapade? It would be a temporary solution, but what do I do then? I can’t be running away every time I feel uncomfortable. What do I do?

The song “I Will Praise You In This Storm” by Casting Crown is my love right now. Christmas is approaching. What does Christmas mean to me? Where is the feeling of Christmas-sy? What is it that I am missing? I remember the song “Christmas Isn’t Christmas Till It Happens In Your Heart”. What is happening in my heart right now?

Please open my eyes, please open my heart, O Lord. I need direction, I need You.

To fully share your life with someone is an incredibly fascinating thing. It is also one of the scarier. (Assuming, of course, that you share your days in honesty…) To let someone see your every fear and hope, and trusting they will handle them with care and respect, is terrifying. But once you learn to trust, you can get a greater enjoyment of getting to share your true thoughts and feelings with another human being. And as trust is mutual, you will also have the privilege of seeing the deeper part of your confidant.

I believed I was a quite open person, ready to share myself with others. But since I met my wife, I have realized that I was not fully aware of what I was sharing and not.

I was more than willing to share the things I was proud of and some minor flaws, but when it came to the more sensitive things in life, and the less impressive parts of my personality, it turns out I was not quite ready to let anyone in to see them. I never realized that I had walls like these.

Like the beautiful city of Dubrovnic, I have solid walls surrounding the core of my inner “city”. But unlike this Croatian pearl, I wouldn’t let people come in to see the beauty. I was happy to give guided tours of the things I was proud of, but when it came to the rest, the gates were locked tight. No one was allowed to browse around on their own.
 I’m guessing you wouldn’t stay too long in Dubrovnic if you were only allowed to peek over the walls of the inner city…

The problem is that this defence was based on my assumptions of what would be appreciated or not. The thing is, that you can’t really feel close to a person who doesn’t let you see their whole being. And it’s also not for certain that they will be repelled by your bad sides. The truth revealed in honesty can be the foundation of a wonderful relationship in spite of the odd pile of garbage in the corners.
In my case, I’ve actually gotten a great deal of help to get my act together, feeling accepted all along the way. That would probably not have happened if I hadn’t dared to open my gates.

Of course you should be careful who you let in to the most private parts of your being, but my point is that you have to take the risk and invest in your relationships if you want them to bloom. (And it is only fair that you’re let in past their walls as well…)

And remember; the other person is probably just as scared as you to open their gates…

So, instead of being lonely behind our walls, let’s open up and be ourselves! It’s scary, but very worth it!

Do you see what I see?

In my dream, I was a journalist. One day I heard a tip that scores of teenagers somewhere were found dead in a partially burned building. There was no location, time or other details that appeared in the dream, only a photo of piles of young bodies in a charred room. I was interested to know about this so I called the colleague who was well-informed on the news to find out more about the tragic incident.

I went with her to the crime scene and saw the bodies. After seeing what happened I felt like I need to do some investigation to get to the bottom of this.

Then the scene of the dream changed. I was vacationing with a group of unidentified friends in a house. I went to the kitchen and suddenly the water pipe burst in several location. Water splashed everywhere around the kitchen and before I even moved to do something the scene changed again.

Unfortunately, I lost the memory of what happened in the third act of the dream. I vaguely remembered it had something to do with spiritual learning, like going to a study room and learn to master supernatural skills.

Suddenly I was transported back to the kitchen, and figured out that the bursting pipe was the work of an evil spirit. I performed an exorcism to the damaged pipe (I didn’t giggle or lol in my sleep …), saying something like, “I order you to leave now.” At that time, I was in doubt whether my magic spell would work. But someone whispered inside me, telling me to have faith. So within seconds I transformed from a doubter to a believer. I saw the water pressure gradually weakened until only droplets of water trickling from the damaged pipe. Before I had time to fathom the weird occurrence in front of my nose, I found myself on the crime scene again as the investigative journalist!

I found out that the massacres took place as the result of negligence. A rich, spoiled kid threw a party and decided to burn the building where the majority of teenagers were having good time. No reference made in the dream as to the motive of the kid.

I woke up feeling tense as if I had just emerged from a real crime scene, disgusted with what I saw.

I pondered over the dream, questioning the meaning. I remember the kitchen at my place had become sort of anchor: it triggered negative thoughts whenever I spent my time there. It happened because when I was depressed, I broadcast streams of negative thoughts while preparing the food, and it appeared that the thoughts, like odorless, non-color gooey, stuck everywhere on the kitchen wall, ceiling, saucepans, boiling pans, fridge, microwave ….  They are back to haunt me whenever I enter the room. I just realize this “anchor”-thingy recently and am now trying to re-program it. I want my environment, the space around me to be supportive to my own growth and self-healing.

The dream also tells me to keep my faith on myself and on what I am doing.  At present, these are my interpretation … perhaps as days go by I will uncover more meaning from my dream.

Dear Luna Maya,

Please learn to show emotion — especially in public space — without being too obvious. You know that all eyes (still) on you even if you don’t do something humanly but stupid.

Learn to write in style. And a well-written foreign language for any negativity, will be an advantage.

And dear all infotainment hypocrite fuckfaces,

Please just die.

When someone’s sofa is damaged, whether by us or the customer or by God Himself according to most of you, or when the products are not to the liking of the customer, for whatever reason, they call the store and demand a new piece be brought out to them immediately.  Approximately two weeks later, we go out to perform said demand.  Now, for all intents and purposes, I don’t care what’s wrong with the sofa or how it happened.  However, in order to duly inform the company and it’s warehouse personnel, I ask the following question; “Is there any damage, or are you exchanging/returning the piece for some other reason?”  Then I scribble the reply on my paperwork (which may never be seen by another human being again), and proceed to do my job.  Please realize that when I ask this question, there is really only a certain number of responses that I expect, or can use;  “The damage is here”… “We’re exchanging the color”… “This piece doesn’t fit”… and so on.  I’m not asking for your personal opinion of the company, or the manufacturer, I don’t care how much you paid for this piece of cardboard, particle board and fabric, I just want to know what’s wrong with it.  It’s always people who buy the cheapest piece of crap the store offers who expect the most pristine product. 

I recently received the oddest answer to this question that I would never imagine.  The customer was a little old blue-haired lady.  She didn’t put her two small dogs away because she probably couldn’t catch them if she tried.  She was returning her sofa, a high-end model, nice stretched leather throughout, solid and sturdy.  When I asked my mandatory question, the response I received was both shocking and mortifying. 

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with the couch.  It’s a wonderful sofa.  I’m just returning it because it’s too stiff to sleep on (please stop there, I thought).   You see, I’m having surgery soon to remove this growth from my back.”  And she proceeded to turn around and pull her shirt down past her shoulders revealing a grotesque throbbing knot sticking straight out from her back.  OOOHHH!!  NOOO!!  PLEEAASSE!! EEEEWWW!!!  “You see it?” She asked.  How could I not?? AAARRGGHH!!  GROSSSS!!  HHHMMPPH!!  I didn’t respond because I was chewing back the bile that had risen from my stomach.  I tried to turn away, but the pulsing, oozing reddish lump looked like if I fixed my gaze on something else, it might jump at me.  Finally, before I passed out, I ripped away and looked at my partner who was trying and failing to hold back a laugh from the other side of the room, must’ve been the expression on my face.

DAAAMMIIT!  That’s not what I asked her!!  I didn’t need or want to know that!!  She just felt it necessary to provide me a vision that will haunt me for the rest of my life.  NAAASSTTY!!

zarf – (zarf) a cup-holder, usually a stand, for a cup without a handle. It is an Arabic word meaning “vessel, container”; the cup held by the zarf is called either a finjan (in Arabic) or a fingan (in Egyptian).

Facebook is a funny old site. I like it and hate it in equal measure.
It’s useful for keeping in contact with those you don’t see a lot, but is annoying when you get inundated with updates about people you never really liked much in the first place.
Some of the names of groups on there are just getting ridiculous too. I saw one today called, “I love it when I can talk to someone for hours about anything”. Doesn’t everybody love that? Group-names have just become like crap, lazy observational comedians: Do you remember Kenan and Kel? I remember them too! Join us! Do you ever test your seatbelt when you’re waiting in the car on your own by moving it really quickly to make sure it sticks? I do too! Join us!
That being said, at 3am, it can suddenly seem hilarious that, and this is a genuine sentence that cropped up in my feed, someone “correctly answered 25 out of 25 questions for a score of 3535 points on the Know-It-All ‘Name the car manufacturer badge’ trivia challenge!”
In the harsh light of day, this seems incredibly depressing. As much as I admire their car manufacturer badge knowledge, I am glad I am not this person…

I went for a gigantic lunch with four friends today. Bazzles didn’t seem to acknowledge Jill at all at first despite having not seen her for months. I thought that was very strange. Christycle on a bicycle, we are not children, be civil!

I also found out that Churchill (insurance dog, not valiant leader of the WWII years), who stunned and excited us all by appearing in the panto we went to see on Friday, has been cheating on us with several different cities. Here he is in Edinburgh:

I researched this and apparently he’s very open about his betrayal and reveals all on his website:

I am shocked and will not be running to this dog for my insurance in the future. Best give it to someone with a more trustworthy face…

First and foremost…I’m back! After a semester of ridiculous amounts of work, creative fruition, romantic frustration, and some other things, I’m back to this accursed blog wherein I will once again embrace my massive self-indulgence and write blogs for the 1 person that reads this (I assume you still do, Dad, right?). Anyways, it was a productive semester, if not an entirely successful one. I at least succeeded artistically–I was in a play, stage managed a play, wrote a chapbook manuscript (the title of which has changed since i last blogged–now it’s It Seems To Prefer Us–but more on that later), and just generally enjoyed myself and reaffirmed over and over why I am a poet and why I love theatre. Most importantly, perhaps, in theatre (other than the numerous friends made and experiences had) is the fact that my dear friend Lynn will be directing my one-act play at Gettysburg College in March. This is perhaps one of the most exciting possible things that could ever happen, and I’ll certainly be writing more about that as more developments come. The same goes for the manuscript, which I’ll certainly be revising more and then doing something productive and useful with, like submitting it places for publication. But enough about this.

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It’s that time of year when everyone kicks up a whole lotta dust about what the best music of the year was. Being the man of opinions that I am, I figured I’d throw my hat into the ring of the year’s best. It’s been an interesting year, because I spent a lot of time on Absolute Punk earlier on expanding my tastes, only to find myself banned because I don’t like Say Anything anymore and made some snide comment or another about how pretentious Max Bemis is (it’s true! both that I got banned for a year for it and that he’s a pretentious jerk). What’s so interesting is that a lot of my music tastes came from the people I talked to who don’t really care about the usual fare covered on AP, which is, I think, a very good thing. This has been a year for expansion and refinement of taste, and now I think I can safely say my top ten is a LOT less pigeonholed by a certain scene of music than it was last year (ugh…what a terrible list). So here it is, my thoughts on the year’s music, starting with the obligatory

TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2009:

1. The Mountain Goats – Life Of The World To Come
2. fun. – Aim & Ignite
3. The Decemberists – The Hazards of Love
4. Built To Spill – There Is No Enemy
5. Relient K – Forget And Not Slow Down
6. The Antlers – Hospice
7. Peter Doherty – Grace/Wastelands
8. Arctic Monkeys – Humbug
9. Cassino – Kingprince
10. Bob Dylan – Together Through Life

It’s so hard to pick just ten. there were a lot of albums this year, and honestly, picking ten from this year is stupid. The albums I most loved this year were from years past that I only now started listening to. It’s a shame I can’t put Up the Bracket at #1 for the year because it came out in the early 2000’s. It’s clearly had the biggest influence on my taste of anything, though.

MOST DISAPPOINTING* ALBUMS OF 2009 (in no particular order)
Brand New – Daisy
Say Anything – self-titled
Two Tongues – s/t
Julian Casablancas – Phrazes for the Young
The Matches – Album 4
Conor Oberst – Outer South
Green Day – 21st Century Breakdown
Dirty Projectors – Bitte Orca
Immortal – All Shall Fall
Muse – The Resistance
Satyricon – The Age of Nero
Sherwood – QU
The Cribs – Ignore The Ignorant

*I don’t know if this is the right word. I didn’t expect much from some of these, so it wasn’t so much “disappointment” as it was “this sucked.” In the case of Brand New, Say Anything, and Two Tongues, I just thought they sucked. I wasn’t let down in any massive way. In the case of the Matches, though, what’s disappointing is that it was just a mish-mosh of demos thrown out there in the wake of their dissolution. There was so much they could have done to make a great follow up to ABIH, but it all fell apart along with them as a band. It was a disappointment for completely different reasons. That may make this a useless list…but then, aren’t all these sorts of lists useless?

Anyways, I’m back, however fleetingly, and I hope I get a few good blogs off before I get swept away by the tides of work again.

IMPORTANT: I will be contributing regularly over at The Decomposed Blog, a music-based publication that will now feature several other contributors in addition to just Dion and me. We’ve got a wide variety of tastes, and it’s going to be a big hodge-podge mess of music-opinions, analyses, promotions, and most of all, love. I love this group for our passion about music, and I think anyone who enjoys music would do well to blogroll the site and follow along as we get it rollin’.

And with that, I bid you adieu.

Just when the voice at the back of my blogger’s conscience started bothering me about not having posted in what seems like ages (but in reality is only actually a few days), tonight the few blogs that I have read seem to really hit home in terms of what needs to be said has been said!

There is, for example, this matter that has been bothering me for some time – and is in fact why I started to write the Clinical Nutrition Series (which I have yet to continue faithfully…) – about certain blogs and bloggers who seem to adhere senselessly to certain schools of thought, each rallying up one alongside the other.  What naturally follows is a clique, and even on the online scene, that stuff can be intimidating.  Especially for loners like me!  Sometimes I tell myself that it’s all in my head, that bloggers are all objectively nice people – but face it!  That popular blog will always be the girl with the nice hair who you always wanted to sit beside at lunch be added to their blogroll.  And most the time, well, that just never happens.   I was just about to get started on my soapbox… and then I read  Sophia’s most recent post on how the blogosphere world is truly not much different than high school.  WINNER!  Although I am the first person to vouch for canned pumpkin and hummus (won’t apologize!), I think the underlying principle she addresses is really true – that popular divides, labels, and even trends can be pretty off-putting in the online community.

And then I thought about writing about dealing with negativity.  (The idea for such a post follows a discussion with my brother about things I want to do immediately after graduation. It went something like this:

Aletheia: I want to teach kids how to grow plants and hold food workshops in schools.

Jacob-stink-eye.

Aletheia (ignores): I want to teach them where their food comes from, so that they don’t end up like the typical North American who thinks that Wonderbread comes from a Wonderbread plant…

Jacob:  North Americans say that?

Aletheia: I want to run a Kids Yoga program and teach little children how to be flexible!

Jacob: Wow, I would HATE that.

Aletheia: It would be on an optional basis, so parents would sign their children up if their children expressed interest.

Jacob: MOM, DON’T SIGN ME UP!!! )

And then I read Jenna’s post on “Negativity and its complete worthlessness“. Indeed, think happy be happy.

Along the same lines, I was contemplating today at how my feet led me to the gym even though I was supposed to be writing my essay (or better yet, actually studying for finals).  And then I read Jenna (same Jenna) ’s post on Body First, Finals Second.  Although I can’t fully shirk the fact that I’m really a hardcore nerd at heart, there truly is a point (and that point for me came today) where my mental and physical faculties are just like “GET. AWAY. FROM. BOOKS.  GET. OFF. CHAIR. MOVE!!”

So now that everything’s already been said, I leave you with the remnants – images!

The dehydrating madness continues…

Gena’s raw juice pulp crackers – Take 2.  As you can see, still have difficulty make them into squares.  (Or rectangles. Or triangles.  Possibly even circles.  At this point, I’m willing to take any kind of regular form.)  But alas, they somehow always end up turning into things that look like colourful-but-shriveled-up dried pork rinds.

A twist on Gena’s raw carrot falafel . I made it using regular green-and-orange juice pulp (aka not limiting myself to carrot), used only 1/2 a cup of sesame seeds, accidentally forgot to add in the olive oil, and didn’t put any celery, cilantro, or parsley in (I figured it was in the “green” pulp anyway).  So, in short, this thing may or may not even be Gena’s carrot falafel.  It’s more like Aletheia’s-what-the-heck-juice pulp-falafel-maybe. Maybe.

And I found out that eggplant dehydrates really well.  These are my special mustard eggplant crisps that I always talk about.

What’s for dinner you ask?  All of the above plus my standard bed of greens.

Yup – same old, same old.

Except for this baby:

Again, not telling you what it is.  Until maybe next time.  Because I like to keep people in suspense like that.  Inflicting sleepless nights upon blog readers over mysterious fruits and vegetables… MOUAHAHAHA.

Um, maybe I should have just kept it a blog-reading night.

(2 MORE TO GO!)

Seems like the reliably negative thinkers at NASA launched a new satellite into space to warn us about impending dooms. From CNN:

NASA launched a new telescope into space on Monday to scan the cosmos for undiscovered objects, including asteroids and comets that might threaten Earth.

The Wide-field Infrared Survey Explorer, or WISE, spacecraft will employ an infrared camera to detect light- and heat-emitting objects that other orbiting telescopes, such as the Hubble, might miss.

WISE launched Monday at 9:09 a.m. ET aboard a Delta II rocket from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California. The launch was postponed from Friday because of a problem with the motion of a booster steering engine.

The unmanned WISE will spend the next nine months in orbit, 326 miles above the Earth, mapping the universe in infrared light. Its lens eventually will cover the whole sky 1½ times, snapping a picture every 11 seconds.

Now that we have the satellite up there, we can get Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck on standby to save us when trouble comes our way.

On the flip side, pure good also cannot survive all by itself. Pure good would sublimate and merge with the Supreme Force without trace. We might ask: How did saintly souls like Christ, Buddha, Ramana Maharshi, Tukaram, Guru Nanak and others lead a pure life? How can we associate them with any form of negativity? The reason for their living through the appointed time is twofold.

First, their own past karma kept them grounded here. Second, although they did not commit any sin, the sins got stuck to them. It is people like us who prostrated before them, sought their blessings and deposited our sins at their feet. Is it not said that Jesus bore the cross for the sake of the sinners?

Strangely, Kaliyug is the favourite whipping boy. Let us examine the truthfulness of this, in the light of divine avatars on earth. The Supreme incarnated nine times in all and His tenth incarnation is expected in present Kaliyug , to root out suffering and re-establish Dharma. What does it mean? In the three earlier yugs comprising, Satyug , Dwapara Yug and Treta Yug He had to descend nine times and it means there were greater evil then than in this age when He is slated to appear only once.

Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita : “Whenever adharma surpasses the limit He will incarnate on earth.” That He has not done so yet implies that the evil, which we fret about, has not transcended limits.

Krishna’s statement could allude to the evil within each of us and when it transcends the limit He will incarnate within us to purge, cleanse and establish dharma within us. Did He not make a highway robber into Maharshi Valmiki, did He not transform the miser into Purandara Das and did not Kartikeya possess the flesh-hungry youngster into a poet-saint Arunagirinathar?

The collective goodness of mankind seeks a medium to express itself and manifests as godliness in few individuals whom we worship as saints and prophets. Likewise the collective evil within all of us seeks to find an expression and manifests in a few individuals whom we call as demons. There is enough goodness outside of us and we need only to focus our attention on the canvas instead of the picture.  – The Times of India

The crazy thing about social media is that it allows us more opportunity to be unsocial. Where are you when you twittering or facebooking or posting to linkedin? Chances are you are alone. And what if you want to comment or discuss a point on one of these social media sites? Chances are you are sitting alone and commenting while you are supposedly working at work.

I have a commenter that seems to want to comment on Fridays and the afternoon at about 3PM. So first I think, if this person works…are they using work time to comment on my blog? Secondly, the comments are typically not pleasant to read so again I think, does the company they work for know they are using company resources to post nasty comments on peoples blogs? Is that a valuable use of the company’s resources?

It’s December 2009. Was 2009 a good year for you?

2009 has brought many changes for me. The best thing that happened to me was that after living and working in Minneapolis, MN for 3 years, I chose to leave my job and move back to Illinois. After 3 years of living away from my husband, I finally declared enough was enough and quit my job to move back to Illinois. It was the best move I made all year. I am so grateful to be living back in Illinois. I missed my friends, colleagues, my cat and especially, I missed my loving husband.

The worst thing that happened to me this year was that my former employer decided to slap me with a lawsuit. The lawsuit claimed I did outrageous and outlandish things and used such vicious wording that all the lawyers who read the lawsuit came to the same conclusion and asked “who did you piss off?”. I obviously pissed off the wrong people and they did everything they could to prove that point. The saddest part of the whole ordeal is that the only people who gained from the lawsuit were the lawyers who earned a fee in defending their clients.

So now that 2010 is almost here, I am thinking about what I will do more and less of in 2010. My husband and I both decided that we must do less of bringing up and living in the past. It does no good to revisit past hurts because the past is the past and it cannot be changed. We can only change today to influence a better tomorrow. What we will do more of is to communicate via dialoging. Dialoging is a powerful way to express our feeling to each other in a respectful way. To learn more about how to improve communication in your marriage, visit http://www.retrouvaille.org/

With that said, I truly do believe that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Sometimes it is not evident why we have gone through what we have in 2009 but I do know in my heart and soul, that 2010 will be better because of it. For more ways to feel great, check out our next FREE teleconference calls.
REGISTRATION: http://act2reinvent.eventbrite.com/

When is the Last Time You Felt GREAT?: Six Tips for Surviving the Stress of the Season

RESCHEDULED: MONDAY, December 21st 12 pm (ct)

Katherine A. Walker, MHRM, MS, LCPC, NCC
Founder and Clinical Director
Lifetime Behavioral Health
www.LifetimeBehavioralHealth.com

Depression affects approximately 12 million women in the United States each year. Depression is more than just sadness or “the blues”. It can have an impact on nearly every aspect of a person’s life. Women who suffer from depression may experience despair, worthlessness, and loneliness as they suffer in silence because they have to be there for others. These feelings not only have an enormous impact on both personal and professional relationships, they can also stop us from taking actions that will make life better as we tend to ask, “why bother” or “I don’t deserve to be successful.” In this workshop we’ll discuss the many factors that may cause depression, as well as explore strategies for preventing it.
REGISTRATION: http://act2reinvent.eventbrite.com/

-“Pretty Girl”, Sugarcult

Even though the sky is cloudy today, my heart is pouring out sunshine. After all this time I have finally rid myself of Mr. and Ms. Negativity (yes, actual people, and they know who they are…if not here’s a hint…names start with an N and an L). Both of which lived off the drama in my life, talked poorly of other people, and in general made my life a nightmare.

To Ms. Negativity: allowing myself a home environment that was so uncomfortable did me no favors. It made me anxious around you, and other people. I felt like I had to lock myself away. The constant walking on eggshells made me feel like I was homeless again. Your passive-aggressive comments were about as fun as getting my teeth drilled on. I felt worthless, self-conscious, and exhausted. I was never able to be myself around you, because my happiness made you jealous of all the positivity I gave to the world. Which leads me to Mr. Negativity…

To Mr. Negativity: I truly wish you had met me before or after I lived with Ms. Negativity. But  in some ways I am glad you didn’t. You only liked me when I had drama with Ms. Negativity, or my best friend, or work, or school. You could dish the insults to my sister, but hated the comments that she threw back about how you looked. Your anger and apprehension over the smallest detail always made me uneasy (as if agitation in my  home life wasn’t enough, I had to get it from you too). I also thought you were working towards something, but one obstacle comes and you are ready to quit. Also, the fact that you assumed things without consulting me is childish and wrong. If something bothers you, you have to voice that. You have no problem arguing with random strangers, however, you didn’t even have the balls to be direct with me. You even had the nerve to string me along for an excessive amount of time, because of your own selfish reasons (and it was almost for the very reason that you would not confront me about).

To both of you: I put a lot of time and effort into the individual relationships I had with you (probably why I woke up dead tired every morning of knowing you two together). I accommodated for both of you on a consistent basis. I did all this, because I cared and I know that I am better than the petty little things. My flaw is putting my heart out there for people to pick from. I know the two of you went to town, and as much as you don’t want to admit it Mr. Negativity, you took advantage of my kind heart as much as Ms. Negativity did.

Now I am devoid of both of you. I am worth more than what you put me through. You both told me that I should do for me, but that was never true. You wanted me to do for you; whatever was convenient for you. But its done now. I can be myself without you, because now I don’t have you to please. I don’t have to worry about your dishonesty, betrayal, or outright cruelty. At the end of the day I have to live with myself, as you have to live with yourself. I honestly don’t know how either of you stand it. But I guess that is where all the negativity comes from. Good luck in life, both of you. I truly hope you find what you are searching for, and maybe a little more sunshine and a little less darkness.

This one’s rated “A” for abstract, kids. Reader tolerance is requested.

There’s no such thing as a single, solitary outlook (on life, on love, on work, on friendships). Anytime a situation, conflict, issue arises, we struggle with the right way to deal with it – ‘right’ taking on a variety of meanings… There’s right to our heart, right to our heads, right to other people, right ethically, morally. So we start to divide our feelings, our approach. That’s when the “If…”s start to rear their curious little heads. We begin to vacillate between the imps and angels on our shoulders (when it’s easy) or we dig deeper and deeper inside ourselves to try to find something that resembles the truth (when it’s not).

Recently, I got tired of mixed emotions – stemming from nearly all parts of my life – running amok inside my head. I needed to find some peace that would afford me sleep, and some degree of comfort. I recalled that a few friends of mine were ardent believers in the power of positive thinking – if not so much as a way to get results, than as an effective approach to not let negativity get the best of them. Desperate for a change, I sucked it up and tried it. I not only placed every part of my life in a positive and forward-thinking context, but I went so far as to project whom I wanted to become in the place that I wanted to be. I even situated other people inside these projections – who do I want to work with, who do I want to spend my time with, and who do I want to be with these people?

It wasn’t easy; in fact the effort was relatively enormous (‘relatively’ being the operative word there, but it’s hardly my fault – times like these do not lend themselves to inherently positive thinking). For about a day, despite the effort exerted, I felt great. I was energized and created a huge map of the road from “now” to “happy place” and spectacular energy abounded in my apartment. The future seemed within reach, and the troublesome, tedious, stressful days of my past were numbered. What joy! What relief! What shit-eating shame that I had to admit my superstitious friends, in their optimistic glory, were right.

24 hours passed. Then, the fissures began to show. First, the effort required to put on a happy face became tiresome – if only because my cynical mind is not used to taking a backseat to blind hopefulness. Second, to me (here’s that cynicism), optimism is often equatable to vulnerability. Expectations are great, investments are high and defenses inevitably come down. This a dangerous place; this is the place that leads to disappointment, to hurt – two familiar and detested emotions.

Still, I was reluctant to break up my fling with positive thinking altogether. I searched for a way to adapt what I still viewed as a naïvely juvenile world view into the more comfortable, if more pessamistic, outlook. I wanted to see the world through purplish-tinted glasses; not quite rosy, but not quite dark. Oddly enough, I found that turning my view completely around – more balanced, even if it did skew towards the negative – helped me get back to a not-unhappy, safe place that I wanted to be. Dissonant, for sure, but not-unhappy, and that felt good.

I tried to explain this to a friend, citing a frequently troublesome and blog-worthy area of my life (hint: it’s not the MTA). My Day 1 outlook on the topic was confident and mature, but sadly, existed in a space that was foreign to me, and so it felt largely inauthentic. My Day 2 outlook reined emotions in to a place where I could embrace whatever may or may not happen, and, importantly, be A-OK no matter what. (Some might argue that this takes the fun, the butterflies out of it. I do not necessarily disagree.) But although I was ready to accept this change as “negative,” I soon realized how much better this safe if contained approach made me feel, and that, friends, is it’s own positive thinking. If you don’t care enough to expect things from people, it’s infinitely more difficult for them to let you down. That may seem callous, but there’s a practicality there too that I’m learning to love.

From that standpoint, I took what seemed to be a tumble downwards, but, again, the so-called fall only served to reinforce something solid and settled. I began to entertain that a certain pesky situation I was in as simply entirely over and done with. Fair enough that you might think that I’ve hit the lowest depths of negativity, and you might be right in wondering what kind of investment I have/had in it at all. (I do not have an answer for you). But by nay-saying (or nay-thinking) I’ve fortified my resolve and secured my sanity. At best, I told my friend, I am pleasantly surprised by what the future holds. At worst, which is hardly worst, I stay no worse off than I am currently. And the safety in realizing this suddenly felt more positive than any allegiance to “The Secret” that my friends extolled. “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst,” my friend summarized. The way I saw it, only good things can come of that, even in matters of the heart.

Of course, it’s too easy for this tirade to end there, with my upside-down, bass-ackwards point of view bringing me undue solace. For I next began to wonder, as I truly did slip down into cynical terrain, how can one prepare for the worst while not projecting those fears? Like brown eyes and dimples, negative thoughts are dominant, and tend to cloud the presence of other emotions. Throw a projection-inclined gal like me into that mix, and suddenly what I had seen as a “rational and safe” approach grew into the scowls and thick walls of a skeptic. I found that neat coincidences could wind up under the “Positive Thinking” banner, but later couldn’t help but think that I was manifesting disappointment by specifying a more negative outlook. Suddenly, my negative-yet-positive vantage point was devolving, turning into a reclusive-and-negative view, conditions that the universe seemed all too eager to satisfy. And this worried me.

If we prepare for the worst, do we not invite panic from our neighbors? If we emotionally cast aside people we once cared for (likely in a veiled attempt to save ourselves from hurt, but that’s a blog for another time), then what’s to stop them from doing the same to us? How do we live a life of caution but convey an attitude of devil-may-care?

It is not so much that I wish to be a rock, an island, to feel no pain or to never cry, but I do sometimes wonder if our outlooks on life – on love, on work, on friendships – would be better suited if equipped with a moat. Not impregnable, but not susceptible; not foreboding, but not exposed. Then, there’d be no reason to choose Positive vs. Negative Thinking, nor to spend hours calculating which is the more effective, tenable and lasting approach. The challenges before us would serve to strengthen us, and the task of others reaching us would prove to be that much more rewarding. We would be safe, but not alone.

Hello all

I wasn’t going to post any additional Rockapella Holiday videos (or listen to any 2009 concerts for that matter), but after being sent a link to one particular video, I now have to.  This is from a Holiday Show this year and it’s just too perfect (video recording someone took of a show in Texas)…they’re singing “Hold Out for Christmas” the fan favorite way of hearing the guys, off mic.  BUT the song is PERFECT because of the ending…I guess it’s not a Rockapella song without a baby “talking.” It reminds me of so many of their songs and CDs over the years with their own children cooing, giggling, singing…speaking in other languages…awwww

An amusing Christmas song that still manages to be extremely sentimental (another Scott Leonard original)

Hold Out for Christmas Lyrics

All the Pella-dads and Jeff look so happy and of course after learning that the reason Kevin is leaving is because Amy is having another child (congrats to the Wright parents and big sisters, Grace and Hope!), you can’t help but smile.  We hate to see Kevin leave after so many years, but there could not be a better reason in the world.  At the end of Rockapella shows, they always do one or two songs without their microphones, just the human voice, which is one of those things that has to be heard live.  This song is humorous so people laugh, but usually the venue gets exactly how the crowd got towards the end of the song; so unbelievably quiet that you are afraid to budge and even breathe.  These guys are just that good to be able to pull it off. 

I’m REALLY looking forward to the Fairfax concert.  I know I keep writing that (down to 10ish days), but there are 8 billion and a half reasons why I can’t wait, and the more I discuss it with Jonathan, the more excited I get.  I went out to look for a new dress for the concert that I could wear for Christmas or New Years also (no luck so I’ll probably break out one of the older ones), and my mom and aunt could not understand why I would do that for a concert… “it’s JUST a concert…”.   But it’s not to me…it really isn’t.  People just don’t get excited about things anymore.  Nothing is an event.  There is nothing to look forward to.  How can you not be awestruck by these types of musicians and appreciate the hard work and dedication they have put into their concerts and for their fans?  I completely respect what they do because their talent is unbelievable…it most surely is an event.  All I hear are bad attitudes about everything coming from everyone nowadays…you really do have to make your own happiness especially when it serves as a bubble to guard you from the negativity of other people.  People used to dress up to the max to go to the movies or fly on airplanes and we’ve lost all of that because too much is taken for granted nowadays.  Heck, people don’t even dress up for graduation or weddings anymore…a lot of events seem to have lost or are losing their value to people.  Very little is special anymore and people just trudge through life.  Maybe I’m strange, but things still really are special to me…I probably seem like a goofball getting excited about small things, but why not?  What harm does that do? 

This concert has definitely turned into an event of sorts for Jonathan and I.  With the stress of school and work, it is a time to get away and do something fun.  I think I have the trip down to just under 7 hours if we leave straight from Alliance rather than me heading back up north after I finish finals.  We were planning on doing this in one day…7ish hours down, 2ish hour concert, and 7ish hours back, but I’m starting to get leery of the weather.  I’ve heard too many stories about missing concerts thanks to snow and know that the ability to clear roads steadily declines as you get away from my snowbelt home.  It’s not the time or distance, because as long as I have a map, music, Diet Coke, and a candy bar or two, I’m good to go on driving and have no problem doing so if Jonathan doesn’t want to…it’s the not making it to the concert part.  So now to make this more of an event and turn it into a fun road trip, I think we’re probably going to head down Friday night…that way we can just take our time, have a nice dinner, and be as cautious as we need to be.  Saturday morning we can relax and have a nice time getting ready…I may even look for a salon to get a haircut because my hair’s a mess right now since I always have to pull it back constantly for science labs.  We’ll be close to the venue and since the show is at 2:00pm, we should be good to go for the day.  I chose the 2pm show over the 8pm show to give us time on either side of the concert incase we have to drive there or back that day.  The only problem I foresee is the Pellas not getting there due to weather or something since their schedule is so packed this month.

If the weather gets bad down in Virginia after the concert, we’re leaving options open as far as if we have to stay Saturday night too.  If we do, we’ll probably take a detour down to DC to see the Christmas trees or go somewhere else to add to the adventure.  Why not?  It’ll add to the memories.  I’m actually more excited and have spent more time planning around this concert than I ever did for dances in high school or anything else thus far.  This is more my type of event, my comfort zone, and I can’t wait to keep building off of all of this.  I guess it simply means more to me, the people mean more, and like the guys have said, the concerts combined with the high emotion of the season just makes something special…especially when you can share it with people who really matter to you.  In light of recent events, I think there are some people who just don’t want to try to be happy…they’re so caught up in minute details of other peoples’ lives that they’ve forgotten about their own.  Funny how a couple of songs can not only completely get me back to where I need to be, but give me an extra boost.  It’s about time!

With love and until next time

~LLP