The TV audition went well, as they always seem to. I turned up with a fairly small bit of dialogue prepared and the casting director said he was desperate to get me involved so gave me some more to read. Not as desperate as me I thought!

I had my appraisal at my day job and received a letter saying they were “pleased” to tell me my salary was staying the same. I’m not sure if that qualifies as a positive spin or rather a typo; either way it did not bring any happiness. When I was asked what my goals were for next year I thought, Hollywood, LA, Broadway, west end, any thing that’s not here, but when I opened my mouth I said to learn more and progress my way up the company. Best bit of acting I did all week.

So the blues kicked in. No pay rise, no acting jobs and a lack of auditions I was ready to head home and wallow. Then I got an invite to a screening of a horror promo I shot last year and it was brilliant. The event had no red carpet but we (the “stars” of the flick) were treated as if there was. The promo looked great, I had to do an American accent and it was the first time I had heard myself on-screen and I was convinced. There were a couple of words here and there that may have given away my true nationality but nothing a voice coach couldn’t correct. We had the usual after screening drinks and natter and I managed to “work the room” quite well. The exec producer was there and by the end of the night I think I had well and truly ingrained myself into his memory so hopefully when the money comes through to make the feature he will take me with it!

I have another theatre audition coming up at the weekend with quite an interesting script so that could be promising.  I do think as we are now approaching April it’s really time I got something. I will be hitting Cannes this year and plan to make the most of that venture. Mainly sunning during the day and “networking” in the evening…. I know, it can be tough.

Anyway, I went to a screening last night for a show I filmed at the start of the year which is out soon. When I did it then it left me quite depressed as I was basically a glorified extra (I mentioned it in Is Hawaii Enough?). The screening made me feel even worse. There were several roles which I could have played and watching all these other actresses doing it was hard. Can’t help but be jealous and miffed at the fact that you’re not them. I’m glad I went, showed my face which is always important, but it was difficult to stay bubbly. The actress that had got the role I initially auditioned for was there and full of beans, I did want to lock her in the toilets but that would have just been childish and quite frankly weird. I left a little flat and so the downward spiral began. My agent called this morning to say I had received yet ANOTHER no from HBO. The character I went up for is being re written and no longer suits me. But the director is apparently keen on having me involved and is definitely familiar with me now so he assures us he will get me in again. I think this is a show which will have many characters so I’m still keeping the faith…. just. At least I have some filming to do at the weekend so I know that my mood will be up by the end of the week, just got to ride out the storm. Oh why couldn’t I have just been a vet.

I met up with a close friend on Friday night who I haven’t seen for ages which was lovely. In fact I think the last time we spent any time together we were in New York. She is a casting assistant at a very prestigious theatre in London and one of her shows had transferred there so she went over to see how it was doing and took me along. It was great. We went back stage after for her to catch up with them all and me to say my congratulations. We left through the stage door and as we stepped out the paps were ready and we were blinded by the lights. They soon stopped when I heard one photographer shout “Stop it’s no one”… Well, that’s a little exaggerated, clearly we were SOMEONE just not THE one. I bet they didn’t save those shots, silly really, soon they’ll be worth loads…. Anyhoo, we met for dinner and we gossiped about everything and nothing, it was great. The next evening we went to a lovely little theatre further out in east London, as one of his friends was appearing in it. It was a great show and if this blog wasn’t anonymous I would be telling everyone about it. It really was a powerful piece, helped in large by the writing, the script was incredible, but the cast were also pretty fantastic. There were tears at the end, (although they were also a little bit for the wine I had to leave in the foyer as drinks weren’t allowed into the auditorium, tres annoying!). We hung around afterwards to say hi and congratulate her on a great performance. She seemed really nice and I enjoyed chatting to her, I wish I could say the same for the other girl who came to see her…. Wow, she really was in class of her own. Also an actress, and one with a massive chip on her shoulder. Conversation started as, funnily enough, my friend had seen her in a show last week. Well I say he’d seen her… she was talking about what she’d done (all certain actors ever do, yawn) and he said, god love him, “I saw that last week”… Oh well I was in it she said. Pause, nervous smile, and then a less than warm laugh from her. There was no real recovery from it, he had basically told her he’d seen the show not too long ago and did not recognise her from Adam. He did remark on her wearing a wig but I think the damage was done. So conversation changed to a recent awards ceremony she’d just been to. Yes, we did talk about her ALOT, and considering she wasn’t even in the show we’d just seen it was a little boring. It was for quite a successful TV programme she’d been in. They didn’t win. One of the others in the party asked her if nominees were told beforehand whether they’d won or not, and she said sometimes. So I asked, and I still don’t see how this could have been taken offensively, if she was told they hadn’t won, and she snapped back. “No of course not, why one earth would we have gone if we weren’t going to win”… That’s the spirit, yep, she was a treat! So we didn’t stay much longer, mainly because it became apparent we were in a mine field and also, I really fancied pizza.

The weekend turned out quite fun considering my apprehension. The wanky networking party actually turned out rather enjoyable, and not too wanky at all. I must admit, pretty much as soon as we arrived I slowly moved away from my boyfriend as he chatted shop, avoiding eye contact with those concerned. I searched out and started conversations with, anyone who looked to be as uninterested in all that stuff as I was. So all in all a nice weekend. Now today is a day of actually doing some work, shudder, and hoping that one of those many auditions I had last week will turn into something more. Gotta go, Crane Neck’s having a field day and may actually dislocate something if he’s not careful, and TC is being such a C its driving me to distraction…. I think they may be on to us………

 Firstly, the “mad” remark…. Now, I agree to a certain extent, all performers have to be slightly mental to do what we do. When you think about it we basically have a range of personalities we jump into, and also we constantly have to be thinking a step a head of the game. By this I mean, who we are talking to and what we are saying. For instance how I talk about jobs and casting directors here I probably wouldn’t say to just anyone… in fact probably no one. You seem to all think I am a certain actress, and I can’t say I mind, but whatever your conclusions are I will never reveal whether you are correct or not and that way I can pretty much get away with saying what I like… there is no solid proof tying me to anyone!! Mwah ha ha ha… yeah you’re right, bit mental. Not sure that actually addressed that comment but anyway, to the questions. Firstly I would like to point out that I am going through a bit of a dry patch at the moment so can’t help but think perhaps my answers may be slightly affected by my state of mind. But in all honesty I think your current situation will always reflect in your response. At the moment I would be happy with anything, within reason, I’ll let you use your common sense on that one. There is most definitely a pecking order when it comes to jobs. This order may vary from actor to actor but there is generally a consensus. For example, T.I.E (theatre in education) is looked upon as a starting point for actors. You wouldn’t really find an established actor going to schools unless they had a passion for teaching as well. Similarly student projects and fringe work would also be considered as a tool for experience and to build on your C.V. The main “bad boys” of work would be… West end/Broadway theatre, TV and film. What order those would go in would entirely depend on your preference. For me I would like a balance of all three… I think most actors would agree that although they would have one medium as their preference it’s always nice to have a variety. There is of course, as you put it, the mountain to climb. The order you stated is quite correct, and to be honest once you have achieved “success” you can then have more options available to you. Theatre can be very elitist and there are certain actors, in my opinion, who only find themselves treading the boards because the public knows them and therefore will bring with them a certain amount of bums to seats…..The question of advertisements is a tricky one. Yes maybe five years ago or less you wouldn’t find many “successful” or at least known actors doing ads, many would call this a sell out, but its a very different story now. Many of the big names are doing ads. This could be for many different factors, the first obviously being cash. I think we have all been hit by the economy crisis of late and the more you have the more you spend so even the wealthiest of you could always use some extra cash. More money and effort has also gone into advertising now so some adverts are actually quite entertaining and not so tacky, and so it seems more acceptable now for all actors to take on.

I would LOVE a commercial right now; they are such good money I can’t begin to tell you. As I have just finished a theatre job it would be nice now to perhaps do some filming… but as you can see there’s no real pickiness going on. As far as the Megan Fox reference goes, that is a whole other debate which I have tried to be more careful with over the years. It’s never too good to moan about other actors, there will always be some that have the right contacts, were in the right place, blah blah blah. But I think this is true in most careers and is something you just have to deal with. It does take hard work and dedication for most of us but who am I to judge anyone that makes it another way? To look at it from the other side, there are many out there who have had that extra hand and perhaps found their feet quicker than others who will now always have that stigma attached to them about how they made it. They in some respects now have to work even harder to achieve that acceptance or respect. Would I like a helping hand? Sure. But would I want to be known for that? No way! So there are no real easy routes. As for the stress of getting to the height of fame and being in the spotlight well I don’t have much sympathy there I have to say. That’s the one thing you have to accept and know when you start out. This is an industry that is now more superficial than it used to be and you are often judged more on your personal life than your professional one. There is a thin line between success and fame. But believe me if you want to stay out of the spotlight you can. An actors PR team are paid good money for a reason, and those shots which catch the celeb unaware are very rarely that!! If an actor or actress wants to be seen they will be and if they don’t they won’t. I wouldn’t believe all the expressions and body language you are presented with. Don’t forget they are actors and if they want you to believe a certain image they can make that happen. I haven’t articulated all that very well I realise but I hope you get the gist.

The dream for me? No more “day job”, regular mix of Theatre, Film and TV and to definitely not fake it. If I’m happy I would invite the paps in and if not, well, chocolate, the sofa and probably lots of wine.

Had quite a packed weekend, hit the town on Friday with my fellow thesp from my last show and we painted Soho red. I got fairly drunk and was randomly recognised from the HBO show I did all those years ago – can’t have changed much!! Anyway, for some reason I decided to say I was actually from California! When he asked me where my mind went blank, so I replied, along the coast. Why I did this I have no idea, it wasn’t that funny just a bit weird… Then the next day I had a wedding to go to. Could say it was a little showbiz, there were a few celebs there, – and no I am not including myself! Several soap stars, a few TV dramas and one or two A-listers. My friend had decided that she would get drunk enough to ask for photos towards the end of the night and I said I never would, how embarrassing,………. mmm, well apparently nothing’s embarrassing after champagne and Cosmo’s. Yep, photos were taken of all of them and to be fair they were very nice about it. Can’t help but cringe now though, no idea what was said, I’m just praying I didn’t say I was from the coast of California!!

I spent the last few days at home with my parents. Although the show has gone quickly, it has been hard work so I fancied a little break from London and also to allow my mum and dad to fuss, which they love to do!! It was eventful as ever, and if this blog were about my personal life more than my professional one I could write about the weekends activities for hours, but it’s not, so I will just give you an insight into the type of things that went on. Firstly, we went to our local pub for a fun day. This consisted of a band, some face painting, a sand pit and a dog show. Quite impressive for a country pub to be honest. It had been quite a few hours and my little nephew (who is only 18 months) was getting a little restless. He hadn’t had his nap so, like most men, was getting a bit irritable. My mum suggested taking him for a little stroll in his buggy to set him off. We quite happily let her go, ordered some more drinks and enjoyed the atmosphere. 45 minutes later she returns with a wide-eyed little boy, no closer to falling asleep than he was when he left, blood dripping down her face and her hair tangled. Now at first glance one begins to panic, is my nephew in fact more advance than we could ever have imagined? Do we have a little Stewie on our hands?!  No, not quite, mum took a corner too tightly and had an altercation with a branch. It would appear that it’s not just cars she has trouble maneuvering, but anything with wheels. The following evening we were going to have a relaxing night in when my great aunty phoned, it was about 7 o’clock. She had been ringing my Nan and there was no answer. This is not common, the phone has on many occasion been forever engaged because she hasn’t put it back on the hook properly, but to ring and no answer was a little worrying. So we (my mum and me) get wrapped up (it was friggin freezing this weekend) dash to the car and get round to the flat ASAP. We burst in (mum has keys), to find Nan sitting on the sofa, sherry in hand, Emmerdale on with subtitles and the phone next to her. She doesn’t react too much to our urgent arrival but looks at mum and says “that bloody phone keeps ringing, getting on my nerves”

Got to love the elderly.

Anyway, I have had a request to take it back a little to the beginning, the start of it all and the reasons behind it. Well, in the hope of not boring you all to tears I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible, but try to bear in mind I am an actress and we have been known to occasionally enjoy talking about ourselves….I dont think there was a “moment” when I decided to be an actress I think I literally popped out and demanded an audience. I was probably dancing before I was walking. I do have a memory of being no more than four and being at “garden club” with my nan. I’m not sure why this was called garden club, I don’t remember any talk about gardens just lots of sherry. Not for me of course, I didn’t start drinking my nan’s sherry till I was at least nine. I have flashbacks of being marched up to the piano and forced to sing. I don’t remember what the song was but I knew then and there that I would definitely NOT be going into singing. Acting is one thing, singing, a completely different ball game. Which, coincidentally is handy considering, as you would know if you’d read It’s all about you!, I am completely tone-deaf. I started in panto, where all the greats do(!), and had my first line at the age of seven. I was in Robinson Crusoe and took on the roll of a little cannibal. I was standing round a cauldron with a body inside cooking, and turned to the audience, complaining and asked “can’t we have what we had last week?”. At the age of seven, shorter than I should be and with a little bit of puppy fat, this went down very well and my taste for the stage began. I got involved with everything I could at school and was cast as the lead in pretty much all the plays, except winter 1988 when my nemesis Emma was cast as the lead angel in the nativity play. I used to have blonde curly hair but as I got older the curls fell out. She still had curls in hers and I swear that’s why she got it. She was rubbish if I remember rightly, clearly hadn’t researched her part or had any idea of the background story. I was one of the shepherds. That hurt. After I eventually got over this I was beginning to get confident and soon started to focus all my energy on performing. I was cast in a professional show at my local theatre when I was at high school and got paid £2.50 per show. Thinking about it now I’m not even sure if that’s legal, but I didn’t have an accountant at that age, or an agent taking a percentage so I was happy enough. I studied performing arts at sixth form, then at uni and the rest well, you know.

So there we are, that’s a long story short, but I will, as asked, of course take requests! Back to today and rehearsals are going well, I am loving the character and think this is going to be a very successful project for me. I’m also supposed to be hearing back from HBO today but you know, whatever, I’m not really giving it much thought…..