So that was Basecamp, a “very full-on” weekend with and for church planters. It was probably the best weekend conference I have attended in my Christian life so far and I would fully recommend anyone who is thinking of being involved in or leading a church plant to go on the next one in 2010.

I guess in this final post about it I should share some of the take homes that we came away with and some of the answers to questions we went with.

Over the last year we have become surer that we have been called to be involved in a church plant in Canada. This has come through many hours of prayer, listening to Father receiving prophecies, and asking questions, while waiting for the answers. We went to Basecamp with a number of questions that we were looking for answers to. These include where, when, how and what the next steps for us would be.

Having now shared our experience with the elder team at our church we are able to be a little more open about our plans for the future and what we got out of Basecamp.

The first thing is that we are called to lead a church plant. In the past we were unsure if we were called to lead or be part of a core team. Both leading up to the weekend and during the weekend we received a number of prophecies about this and God has also ‘spoken into our hearts’ about it. We now feel sure that is what we are called to do.

The next question is where we are called to lead this church plant. We do feel called to south eastern Ontario in Canada (around Toronto, when I say around, around in Canadian is about a 600 mile diameter!) but as yet we are not sure as to where exactly that is. This again was confirmed over the weekend.

Over the weekend we were able to discern a way forward thanks to our church planting coach. The first of these is for MrsBeatthedrum and me to attend the New Frontiers Canada leader’s conference in January which is in the death of winter (constant  -10 to -15 C temperatures). This will allow us to build relationships up with people in Canada, get to know people, experience the full horror of a Canadian winter and mix with other church leaders in Canada.

Following that we are going to have a family holiday in Canada in summer 2010 so we can have a scout about and have a look at a few places and for the kids to experience Canada.

From there things will probably pick up pace with the plan to move to Canada and settle for a short period of one or two years,in an already established church so that we can culturally acclimatise to Canada before striking out on our own.

So that’s the big picture, the local picture is a lot more complex. We need to learn a number of skills while still here in Durham and implement a number of things into our lives. These include skills such as

1. Preaching
2. Leading and multiplying small groups
3. Being involved in alpha
4. Leading and developing a ministry in the church
5. Learning to build many relationships outside of the church
6. Hospitality

These are going to take a lot of time and effort but will be worth the effort of we can gain a harvest for Jesus in Canada and indeed in Durham

On top of all this we came away with a question to ask our elders, “What character issues do we have to correct before we go….” now that one is a biggy and may take all the time between then and now to sort out!

So that was Basecamp, fully worth the time, money and energy we spent on it. Thanks again to all those who served us on the weekend and I hope and pray that Jesus will see a huge harvest from the workers who attended.

The final session of the Saturday was a questions and answer session where the delegates got to grill the hosts on various aspects of church planting. There was a great deal discussed that holds true not only for church planting but also for any church which wishes to be missional into their community.

Here are a handful of the questions and some of the answers……

1. How can you birth a church in the supernatural
   1. Are you doing it
   2. What do you have faith for
   3. Preach baptism in the spirit

1. How do you set the church ‘mode’ to “the longer you stay in this church the more non Christian friends you will develop”
   1. Must be encouraged
   2. It’s a continuous battle
   3. YOU have to model it and the leadership team HAS to model it
   4. Who do you make heroes? People will emulate those who are shown to be a good example
   5. The church ‘filter’ needs to be set to mission, nothing gets through if it is not missional
   6. when having events have a competition to see who can invite the most people
   7. Really think your small groups through and make them missional

1. One of the health checks of a good church is that they plant out new churches, how do we invest in church planting
   1. Focus on raising up leaders
   2. Get healthy first
   3. Reproduction is the goal not just church planting

1. Getting from 0 up to 50 people is the hardest part of church planting how do you do it
   1. Cast vision, be able to give it well as

                                                              i.      30 second version

                                                            ii.      3 minute version

                                                          iii.      30 minute version

1. Constantly cast the vision
2. Meet people where ever you can
3. Draw people in with “God is Good, and I am Ok” events

1. How do you choose you launch site in your location
   1. Population Groups
   2. Who is not being reached
   3. Where can YOU reach the most
   4. What are your past successes
   5. Be clear on who you are called to reach
   6. Where should the core team live

                                                              i.      NOT TOO CLOSE TO YOU!!!!!

The final session of the weekend was a look at the type of church we are to plant. This was based on Isaiah 61. There is sooo much good stuff in there that it would take a few blog posts t go through it all which I don’t have the time for right now, but I may come back to it at a later date.

However here are the verses used in ESV. They are amazing. This is the type of church we are to raise up for Jesus and how He will in his sovereign grace and mercy work in and through us.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion– to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.

The emphasis is mine and if you add those up you get the role of the church in our community.

There were two words of caution given in all this

1. Don’t do too much too soon
2. Do what you are able to do well

Wise words I think, next post will be on what our next steps are on our journey, following n from BASECAMP and will be the last Basecamp post

Mrs Beatthedrum and I were away over the weekend at “Basecamp” the New Frontiers church planter’s weekend away. The weekend was aimed at people who were either currently starting new church plants, were about to start church plants, felt called to a particular place to church plant or just felt called to church plant in general, (somewhere, at some stage, can we please find out where?).

In total there was about 50 couples represented on the weekend, people from THE SOUTH (in general, but including Hastings, London, Luton, Bristol, Buckinghamshire, Bedfordshire, Kent and Essex), Bolton, Manchester, Southport, Leeds, York, Durham, Edinburgh, Lancashire, Cumbria and Norfolk.

What was exciting was seeing where they were either planting out to or had already planted to, these included, Bolton, Wrexham, Harrogate, Lancaster, various London boroughs, New Zealand, Australia, Italy, Canada, Birmingham, Malvern Hills, Bristol, Inverness, Bradford and Huddersfield, just to name a few.

Alongside the planters and prospective planters there was also a number of people who had already planted one two or even more churches and these were our coaches for the weekend. Lead by Matt Hattch from Mosaic Leeds and Tony Thompson from Luton (who is a complete mentalist so I really got on with him, and Debbie found someone to verbally spar with as well) these people really helped us understand what God was calling us to and gave valid teaching on our next steps.

The weekend also received excellent teaching from David Stroud on church planting, vision and skills, what sort of churches we need to plant and how to identify our calling.

I am going to write a series of blog posts about the weekend, what we leant and experienced and what our next steps are going to be. The last bit will follow on from consultation with our eldership team and church planting coach, which hopefully should take place sometime soon.

So for this one I am just going to talk about the people we met. Possibly the biggest fear that we had going on the weekend was that we were one of the few couples on the weekend that were not already elders in a local church, that everyone would be streets ahead of us and that we would feel like fish out of water.

When we got there however we discovered they were just normal people facing the same issues we were facing. The guys and girls on the course had a real humble spirit, were keen to learn, keen to listen and keen to share. They were warm, sincere and excited.

It was for us a great time of fellowship as well as learning and we have come away with a number of new friends who we will support in their endeavours and who will we hope share in our adventure to church plant.

It was great to be in a body of people who were obviously passionate for God, passionate for his church and passionate for the lost, in short people like us. Although we came from many different walks of life, from the very wealthy to the shelf stacker in Asda, from Scotland to all the way from Pretoria in South Africa, we shared those common passions that quickly bonded us together. There was a great sense of camaraderie, shared mission and purpose that was infectious and so encouraging.

That’s all I wanted to say on this post but I will hopefully over this week, post more about the weekend, including the teaching we received, the process we followed (interviews with our church planting coaches etc) and what Father said to us directly through the weekend. Finally, once we have chatted it all through with our eldership team, we will let you know about the exciting next steps we will be taking in the not so distant future.

I’m looking out of my office window at home watching the rain fall from the sky a sure sign that we are about to leave tomorrow for the (Together at) North09, the NFI conference for the North of England and for some of our cousins north of the border.

Over the 4 or 5 years they have been on  we have struggled through many challenges, grass that was nearly waist high, an auditorium that bulged at the sides and had the same air system as a sauna, rain, ground so wet we had to use 4×4 and tractors to get the cars off the site, porto-loos that were not emptied often enough, toilets that would not flush, no showers, more rain, baking sun, even more rain…. a catalogue of disasters and issues.

But we struggled on we would not give us (although we did come close a couple of times) and we persevered. And God blessed us mightily.

Each year we have seen God move mightily in our family at North09. I’m not sure why it happens there but if it is going to happen then it will happen there!

The first year my wife hated it but she would not go until God has blessed her, she was not leaving, even though she hated almost all of it until He touched her. So on the second morning that is what he did. He moved powerfully and she was a changed person. I believe that this was down to her pugnacious, I am not going, I will persevere, I will n0t give up mentality!

The following year my eldest son gave his life to Jesus as an after effect of North09

The year after that he was baptised in the Spirit, God came down so powerfully on Him that I had to carry him back to the tent here he stood swaying drunkenly with a bemused look on his face. He has not been the same since.

Another  year after my daughter similarly was baptised in the Spirit in a powerful way.

So we are looking forward to this year. We know it is going to be a challenge to camp in a muddy field, we know the facilities may not be excellent, although Carl who owns the farm is a truly awesome bloke and give it his all to ensure we have a great time we haven’t forgotten the 24 – hour water delivery he made during the lack of water year, but we expect God to be there.

Of course one of the great joys of North is spending an extended time with our family in the church. These are times where relationships grow, the church stands closer together, friendships are forged and memories are made. Over the years we have had things like the kite that tried to garrotte my daughter, the day when James didn’t (BUT HE DID) have sunstroke, the peanut flicking fight etc etc. Things we look back on and smile.

Also due to our pan-church friendships we will see a number of people we only see once a year that being at North. You know the sort of people who you see and you say we will give you a call when we get back and we can get together… but never do. We have friends in churches in Newcastle, Northumberland, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Leeds, Sheffield, Cumbria, Dundee, Perth, Darlington and Teesside, so for us it’s a big reunion.

 This year however we are going with additional excitement, we are as you know in the process of working out where we are to ‘go’  and church plant. A few months a go we were given a prophecy from someone we trust that filled in a huge number of gaps for us and brought a gret deal of clarity to the whole situation. Part of that prophecy was that something significant was going to happen at North that would bring additional clarity and direction. So we go in faith knowing the God will talk to us.

So bring on the rain, bring on the proto-loo’s bring we are going we are staying and we are not leaving until we have heard.

Oh it is my hope to be able to blog for North on a daily basis tune in for short updates!

Today’s headlines are right on topic with yesterday’s post. . . and the one referenced above….

Mr & Mrs. OUELETTEs, MINNESOTA, 2 accounts of 2,100 on the web.

(1)  Wife had order of protection against husband prior to murder-suicide

(2)  Harris man gave up guns before strangling wife, hanging himself

Well, I swore I was NOT going to blog on this today, but I fear that these are indeed possibly copy-cat murder/suicides.  It is now “out there” in the news as a possible way out of an emotionally embarrassing and humiliating situation.

Read THIS one, and then see if you can tell which parts were certifiably insane public policy, and how many warning signs people ignored.

And I’ll tell you why this one chills me, and makes me glad to be alive today.

(TOP part of post — Minnesota.  BOTTOM — Kansas.  They relate.)

Preface Commentary:

At this point, it seems to be “certifiably insane public policy” to expect women to trust, or men to respect, such restraining orders, when clearly they don’t — I already blogged on this re: the woman in Pennsylvania who fought back.

Recently, I wrote about a father accused of molesting his (teenaged) daughter who, seeing as she was only moved 2 doors down, and into the home of a man that used to be the same father’s employee (say, what???!?), within one week, Dad had killed: daughter, foster father and himself, and almost killed foster mother, too.  So THAT helpful ruling got 3 people dead and one injury.  Great going, child protective services in that region of Tennessee.  

Here’s another one that slipped through the cracks somehow, and at several different points.  What “gets” me about this one is realizing several domestic violence prevention groups, nonprofits, that have been getting millions upon millions of federal dollars, over at least a decade in grants to provent violendce locally, rurally, and in Indian tribes, as well as technical assistance grants to, I guess, “get the word out.”  So far, I can see they are doing a great job with putting to gether literature that’s already on the web somewhere, positioning themselves as the experts, consulting in private with other professionals about what to do, and keeping a body count.  Which hasn’t substantially changed (per these counts) statewide in Minnesota within a decade.  

So either the state is raising more suicidal or unable to handle stress people, or immature young adults who then continue the immaturity into adulthood and parenthood (referringto the fathers in this case), or something. . . . . . Or so many people are being born each day that they STILL don’t know the warning signs of danger, and are talked into minimizing them.

Let’s maybe add ONE more “lethality risk” — trusting in protection orders to start with.  That’s for the courts and for the women alike.  And encouraging a woman to do so (or continuing to present them as viable alternatives — when in fact they are panaceas too often) also places her in risk, given the facts.  Ignorance of them is NOT bliss. . . .  

When police DO respond in time, they run the risk of death themselves.  When they do NOT respond in time, typically Mom, and sometimes Dad, are killed, and sometimes more.  Or otherwise traumatized.  SO . . . . .   what else is available?

THIS ONE:

• State:  Minnesota
  
• Body Count:  2, no responding officers or bystanders killed this time.
  
• Orphans:  3, ages 10 (boy), 8 & 8 (twin girls)
  
• Who are they now living with?  Relatives.
  
• Did they witness the murder  - – of their mother by their father, YES, the girls
  
• Did they try to intervene and fail? – — YES, an 8 year old girl tried to save her mother.
  
• Was 911 called? – — YES, by an 8 year old daughter?
  
• Was the call heeded (it seems No), or interfered with (yes, by the father)? – - – read below.
  
• Was that restraining order as written certifiably insane?  - — ABSOLUTELY.  (And it seems identical to the one I got many years ago.)
  
• Does making a restrained person turn in his or her guns always save a life? – — NO.  Other weapons also can kill (apparently here, hands).  
  
• Or, a person not allowed to get a gun could get a friend’s (or in a recent case girlfriend’s gun).
  
• Are risk assessments going to redeem lives from living in fear (or being lost)?  - – - I’m  not sure.  I’m of the current opinion, NO, unless the woman herself takes them seriously and takes serious actions not reliant on 911 to ensure safety.

So, Let’s talk about the body counts vis a vis the legal terminology:

When you think about it, and read the results, even calling these things “protection orders” makes zero sense.  

They are restraint requests.  A man without restraint is ordered publically by a judge to show restraint.

WHO is to protect, in “protection order”?  The power of the state?  Does the state, like God, declare “protection” exists because it ordered this?  And is the state, in so doing, lying to the protected parties.

I think so, basically.  

Here’s a perhaps (I ALWAYS say “perhaps,” or try to} more viable protection order:

A trained, armed mother with an attitude to match, telling the man who just received the judicial order, that she is going to take the boundaries of the property seriously, and understands all laws regarding the 2nd amendment, and any contingencies.  IN other words, she needs to be more determined and more aggressive than the person who formerly attacked or threatened her.

So do the people surrounding or dealing with her on this issue.

Alternately, a “not in the same state” “county” “500 mile radius” mother, and kids.  And the kids could be told the truth about why this is happening, in age-appropriate terms but without name-calling or derogatory treatment of their father.

But of course that would screw up access visitation and National Fathers Return Days somewhat….

 

NOW, this is not typically the state of a woman who has gotten to the point of requesting such an order from her husband, right? The request for an order represents (to an abuser) an ESCALATION in OPPOSITION to SUBMISSION.

Wife had order of protection against husband prior to murder-suicide

HARRIS, Minn. — In rural Chisago County, houses are far apart, but neighbors are close.

Roland and Mavis Ramberg thought they knew the neighbors down the road, Doug and Candice Ouellette, who were both  38 years old.

Their grandchildren and the Ouellette’s 10-year-old son and 8-year-old twin girls were friends.

“They seemed like a nice couple,” says Mavis.

 

> > > Yes, we all like to think that pleasantries in social endeavors 

mean the couple is nice in private.  This mentality also appears to hold true among custody evaluators and mediators — well, he/she showed self-control while in MY office, or while I was watching, therefore, that’s the standard..Therefore my formal assessment (opinion?) is that, he/she is a nice guy and the other partner is eccentric, or has personality problems (that don’t relate to or arise from the relationship? . . . ).

I have been seriously assaulted both immediately before and immediately after a social engagement in our home, like many women who have been in violent relationships.  No matter how much evidence hits the press or anywhere else about the reality of this type of dual- behavior, the communal lore (at least in the press) seems to be, denial and surprise..as if this was a new thing.  ”What a nice couple.”

Define “nice.”  Define knowledge of one’s neighbors.

Then on Wednesday night, the Rambergs realized that something was clearly wrong.

 

>>Apparently they didn’t know about:  the prior suicide attempt resulting in a call to police, OR the restraining order situation, or the divorce.  They were still a “nice” couple. 

“All I saw was squad cars, upon squad cars and helicopter,” says Roland

One of the Ouellette’s little girls had called 911. Investigators say Doug strangled Candice to death in their home, then hanged himself in an outbuilding.

“I can’t imagine anything worse than having your dad kill your mom and then kill himself,” says Chisago County Chief Deputy Bob Shoemaker.

Court documents filed in Chisago County detail the couple’s troubled marriage. In June, police were called to the Ouellette’s home for an attempted suicide.

{{This suicide attempt is characterized as  ”a troubled marriage,” not a troubled man.  Well, attempted suicides ARE troubling to all involved}}

In her own words, Candice (mother) tells the court that Doug locked himself in the pole barn with guns,

held a revolver to his head and threatened to kill himself.

 

At that time Candice received an order for protection, an order authorities say was later terminated by the agreement both she and her husband.  {{The sentence is incomplete…}}

{{AND all the “experts” said, “Amen, So Be it.  We’re glad you reconciled.”}}

A suicide attempt should trigger a separation and mandated SOMETHING.  Fatherlessness over the decades sure has triggered a LOT of initiatives.  Why not initiatives to mandate that potential fatherlessness as demonstrated by suicide attempt should result in suicide-prevention action by the courts, et al.?  (See my past 14 years of lethality risk studies, last post)  Common sense:  In the news there are “suicide” attacks, bombs.  Wars sometimes involve suicide bombing  SO when there’s a home war, watch out!}}

{HAS SOMEONE ACTUALLY — OR WILL THEY LATER — READ THE ORDER THAT TERMINATES?  How much later? . . . that’s the trouble with getting stories out so fast — their incompleteness…}}

But at the end of June, Candice filed for divorce, with a no contact provision.

• “It looks like there was a stipulation in the paperwork
• that allows him to go to the outbuildings during daylight hours
• between 9 and 5 pm,” says Shoemaker.

Gee, with all the hoopla, particularly by President Obama et al., this past Father’s Day, perhaps it made him feel even worse.  That’s why I say, maybe we ought to “call it a day” on the “days.”  MOST of them. . . . . . . 

til 5pm?  BUT — – - – BUT – - – - did not this attack, strangulation-murder, happen around 9:15pm (or was it just discovered then)?  How long were those girls in the home alone with their Mom’s body?  

What kind of self-restraint was presumed the suicidal Dad would show in this presumptuous order?  And, why didn’t the Mom call 911 the SECOND he approached the home after 5pm?  Was it an ambush or sneak attack?  Or was she still half in “placation/mediation/well, he’s their father mode”?  And had it not yet sunk in that she had a RIGHT to self-defense and say no?  OR, it being rural, did she not have any other recourse?  Unfortunately, we do not have a brain-scan of her final thoughts.. Do those girls have some final words or cries burned into their brains, and the boy?. . .  (I can imagine why, probably, having been in those shoes.  And my order didn’t even stipulate only certain hours…)

THAT ORDER IS  - – AS WELL AS TERMINATING THE EARLIER ONE – - was  the “certifiably insane” part . . . . . The “frog in a pan of warm water” effect.  The “graduated sanctions” philosophy.  That order, whether written ‘by them’ or not, was signed by a judge, and was a piece of crap!  If any of my readers has negotiated a “mutual” agreement with someone who has attempted or threatened to attempt suicide before, and all went well, all are still alive, it worked out, please comment on my post, and give the case # too, and what county and what year.  I’d like to see something to validate the court attention-deficit process women leaving abuse are put through.  One files a protection order on the other, indicating some serious and significant differences in perspective, than are ordered to mediate, or reconcile, or just get along and put their differences aside.

AND – - I had the same thing.  Same field of endeavor from this man, and same not a REAL protection order.  It was not really safe, it was risky to do this, in our context, and obviously this one also.  At the time, it was a drastic improvement.  In retrospect, it was unfair to us, 100%, and exposed us to risk, and compromised how efficiently we could recover and rebuild/repair things that were broken.  ON THE OTHER HAND, if he hadn’t perceived he won something back, we might have been the Ouellettes. . . . .  This is why the VPC calls it “American Roulette” in reporting on these things.  However, they are focusing on the guns.  There were no guns in this murder/suicide.

The documents also reveal the couple may have been having some financial problems. Candice was working from home. Her husband was part owner of a family construction company. Friends say business had been slow.

Go figure:  She was working from home, with young children at home, and the “protection order” allowed him daily access from 9-5pm, rather than put a physical separation from their places of business and her (now) home.  

At this point, authorities don’t know yet what triggered Doug Ouellette’s final violent act. Investigators are continuing to talk with family members, while friends like the Rambergs try to understand their deep sense of loss.

• “What triggered” is one big (and typical) assumption:  He was wound tight, he was distressed, he was depressed, he was missing his kids, he was lost at sea, he was suffering from the economy, he was a distressed Dad.  All these things wound him up, and it wasn’t his fault, he was all loaded up and ready to go, and he was TRIGGERED.  (gun analogy, eh? )  Pop!  Something that wasn’t his fault happened, and he strangled his wife.

It could never have been a cold-blooded, planned intentional event, complete with coming in after daylight, to kill his wife. . . . Tell me something — how fast can the average person on the lam from ground searchers and a helicopter that saw him dash into a ground, work up a noose, jump in it and jump off it?  In that state of affairs?  Or was it planned?  (Aug. 08/09 update — see comments!)

Suppose they hadn’t come – would he have done something to the kids too?

• Final Violent Act.  Actually, his 2nd to final violent act.  The final one was to hang himself.
• 
  
• Talk with family members.  The same family members that didn’t know enough seriously insist on SERIOUSLY SEPARATING those two after the suicide attempt?  The same family members now in charge of the children?  The same family members that, after said attempt, didn’t become so immediately alarmed that they GOT INFORMED on such situations and spoke with him, and her, about it?  

PUBLIC COST:  Helicopter, court time, including with judges, court clerks, crime scene clean-up, investigators, etc.

“You just feel kinda crushed because what are those poor kids gonna do,” says Mavis.

Authorities say the three children were not harmed physically and are now staying with family members.

 

I’ll guarantee you they were harmed psychologically and emotionally, and they are in my prayers, as are my own – - read on!

In the transcript of the 911 call made by the little girl, she tells the operator that she tried to push her father away from her mother.

Doug Ouellette himself told the operator that the kids were just playing and were told to leave the phone alone.

 

“And then, the operator . .. and then . . . ..  and then the operator said, “OK, Sir, just remind them not to. . . . ” and the alert was dropped?  Help was dispatched?”  Our readers here should’ve been told….

If they believed the Dad, still, this would’ve been a GREAT time for a welfare drive-by, and possibly, possibly someone might’ve been saved.  The Dad, at least, would be put in prison and then, thereafter, a family court program (prompted by the fatherhood movement) would’ve helped get him back in his kids lives… so they could be in the custody of the father that murdered their mother, as is encouraged in similar situations.  WHAT did the rest of that transcript SAY, and WHY wasn’t whatever it did say put into this article?  Or was it “spiked” by the editors as compromising police response policy on 911 calls.  Given that THIS home had a prior suicide attempt AND CURRENT PROTECTION ORDER in it.  The father’s word was believed over his daughter’s although in this case she was telling the truth?  I just want to know.

Including this case in Harris, eight women in Minnesota have been murdered (so far…) in 2009 as a result of domestic violence - three were murder-suicide by an intimate partner. 

In 2008, 6 of 21 domestic murders in Minnesota were murder-suicides by intimate partner. In addition there were 4 attempted suicides after the murder.

{{YES, there is always funding available to keep the body-counts, and particularly as to femicides (I happen to know) in Minnesota.  Too bad some of this funding wasn’t used for a technical initiative to put protection order data at the disposal of 911 operators, and in their faces. . . . . .  when taking calls….and reduce the count a little this time}}

Harris is about 50 miles north of the Twin Cities.

(Copyright 2009 by KARE. All Rights Reserved.) 

Fewer comments, so I’ll put my comments in quotes instead. . . . 

2nd ARTICLE, SAME STORY, DIFFERENT COVERAGE, MORE DETAILS:

Harris man gave up guns before strangling wife, hanging himself

Officials say a Harris, Minn., man strangled his wife in front of their kids and hung himself in a shed after running from police.

By ABBY SIMONS, Star Tribune

Last update: August 6, 2009 – 10:01 PM

LET a feminist, or a woman who’s read the risk assessments do this headline.  Right now, it sounds like, “he was a good guy — he gave up the guns, after all — but then something TRIGGERED him (possibly her?) (possibly the economy?) — and he strangled her, then hung himself.  NO, that’s not the heart of the story, though it may be the hook.  Let’s try again:

First suicide attempt, then suicide/murder in front of the kids.

No, not catchy or local enough:

Gun control doesn’t stop murder/suicide by divorcing Harris man.

No, too generic:

Better dead than divorced — her too — says Harris man, after recent suicide attempt provokes no-contact order.

No, not graphic enough:

Harris man violates no-contact order, chokes his wife, lies to police when 8 year old daughter calls 911 and attempts to stop him, then flees and finally hangs himself.

Nope, too long:

Divorce can be deadly — Divorcing rural Harris man with restraining order due to last suicide attempt, turns in guns, but later strangles wife to death, despite 8-yr old daughter’s attempt to intervene and her 911 call, then flees police and hangs himself.

Well, I’m not working the night desk for a reason, obviously.  Here’s the story.  But WHY NOT GET IMPORTANT TRUTHS (not just facts) OUT WITH THE STORY?

We’ll get the safety recipe right one of these years. . . . .  Oops, ignored lethal risks (again) this time.

The story:

Authorities say a 38-year-old rural Harris, Minn., man who killed his estranged wife and then himself Wednesday had surrendered his guns to the local sheriff’s office this summer after his wife got a restraining order against him.

NO !!!  NO!!!  Stop giving extra credit for partial compliance with restraining order!!  Later he violated and killed!  Stop! !  it went like this: – - and can we delete the emphasis on her “estranged” status?  For one, it rhymes with “deranged” and sounds strange on the tongue.  It’s not about HER, it’s about HIM!  He killed.  She tried to protect her kids and herself, and hopefully him by separation.  

“Authorities say a 38-year old rural Harris, Minn. man killed his wife, after prior suicide attempt and while a protection order was in effect (if “ineffectual”) and then himself Wednesday, even though he DID turn in his guns willingly.”

(if the source of the story IS authoritative, this would be generically true, no matter how law enforcement phrased it.}}

Candice and Douglas Ouellette were in the midst of divorcing, authorities said Thursday.

One of the couple’s 8-year-old twin daughters called 911 about 9:15 p.m. Wednesday and told a dispatcher that their father was choking their mother at the family’s home near 450th Street and Holman Avenue, said Chisago County Chief Deputy Bob Shoemaker. One of the girls struggled in vain to pull her father off [of] her mother.

Narratives:

The account above says a call by the girl was intercepted / talked down by her father.  I have seen this type of behavior (sudden switch of modes when a phone call was involved).

Deputies arrived to find Candice Ouellette dead, the girls unharmed and Douglas Ouellette missing, which sparked an intense search by the sheriff’s office and the Minnesota State Patrol.

A State Patrol helicopter swept the area, and the State Patrol SWAT went to Chisago County, said Department of Public Safety spokesman Andy Skoogman.

The pilot spotted Ouellette running into a pole barn on the property around 10:20 p.m. Searchers found Ouellette’s body hanging inside.

{{How much time elapsed from the pilot spotting this to the short-wave-radio or cell phone? call to the searchers on the ground.  Was HIS death preventable?  Had he prepared that noose?   Why couldn’t he have been stopped?}}

The twins [twin GIRLS] and a 10-year-old son who was staying with a friend that night are in the care of relatives.

Trouble at home

Doug Ouellette’s Facebook profile features photos of a red-faced family warming up after a day of snowmobiling, his kids on four-wheelers or Ouellette hoisting a giant fish on trip to Canada in 2007. Among his favorite quotes: “Life is good.”

(A word to the wise about facebook, then, eh?)

 

He is listed on the Better Business Bureau website as vice president of Coon Rapids-based Boulder Creek Builders, Inc., a family-run company.

But behind the scenes recently, things apparently were tumultuous. In June, Doug Ouellette threatened suicide, and his wife obtained an order for protection that required him, among other things, to surrender to the sheriff’s office his guns and his permit to carry a handgun.

“There was no problem turning them over,” Shoemaker said.

He was allowed on the property only during the day, and only to access his outer shop and pole barns. He was not to contact his wife other than by telephone or e-mail once a day.  {{WONDER IF THIS WAS ADHERED TO}}  {{WHERE WAS THE REST OF HIS FAMILY?}}

Shoemaker said it was unclear whether Doug Ouellette broke into the home or was let in. {{WHY NOT??}} He apparently did not leave a suicide note.

Shoemaker said the incident was the first murder-suicide in Chisago County in about 13 years.

Have they had many protection orders, and what worked about the others, if so?  Had such rulings gotten lax?

Similar and close by

But the case was the second murder-suicide in two weeks involving estranged couples just north of the Twin Cities.

On July 30, James H. Schwartzbauer, 46, of Wyoming shot and killed his estranged longtime partner, Erica Ann Wilson, 38, in the parking lot of the Circle Pines apartment complex where she lived. Schwartzbauer had been hospitalized the week before after threatening suicide.  

((DID THIS CAUSE THE “estrangement” then also?  Or was it his “mature” response to that estrangement?))

((Hospitalization brings up this question:  Was he on medication?  What was the follow-up?  Was his ability to survive in life dependent upon his partner?  Did they BOTH live or only her in this apartment?  Was it male PMS, given the age difference?))

The Wyoming Police Department, with the help of family members, had removed all the guns from Schwartzbauer’s home. Anoka County sheriff’s officials were investigating where Schwartzbauer got the gun.

GEE:  Sounds like at least 3 lethality indicators there:  separation, suicide threatened, and a protection order (apparently) of some sort in place, confronting the guy.  Well, while they were investigating where he got the gun, another man murdered another woman in a similar situation — well possibly. 

(From news article:)

According to the Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women, out of 21 women murdered in the state in 2008, six were killed by intimate partners who then killed themselves.

I guess this is helpful to know.  It sure helped the two women in question and their former partner/spouses.  I’ve known these stats, or ones like it, for years.  It sure helped me to get the court’s attention, when this was in my initial reason for seeking a protection order, and subsequently in family law, after my children were stolen, I reported stalking, and also to responding police to various incidents.  My having reported this now, and produced a non-response, sure helped my sense of safety thereafter, and to this date.  I am glad agencies like these are receiving funding to keep a more accurate count than simply reading the newspapers, or say, checking on-line occasionally, might yield.  This is a valuable, life-saving public service.  For example, readers of THESE incidents now know that there were OTHERS.  

(FROM Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women website):

“While battering continues to occur in the lives of far too many women and children, thirty years of advocacy and social change work in the battered women’s movement have led to some important changes. {{FOR EXAMPLE:}} There is far more information available about domestic violence and its impact in the lives of women, children, and men, and there are now resources available to battered women and their children across the state of Minnesota and the nation.”

 ”MCBW strives to provide the best possible resources to battered women and to the advocates that work on their behalf. Please utilize the resources available through this website, and do not hesitate to contact the MCBW office if you have further questions or are looking for information that is not included on this site.

From me:

$2,550,332 federal FY 2000-2009, more in 2002 and 2007/2008

Minnesota is indeed a hotspot of federal funding for violence against women nonprofits.  That is a separate post.  They know much violence happens around separation, and that suicide is an indicator.  Perhaps this case (these cases) hadn’t shown up with a history of prior battering, and so warnings were not issued?

From News Article:

“Four others were murdered by partners who then tried to kill themselves but failed. While firearms have been most prevalently used in murder-suicides, 13 percent of Minnesota women murdered by an intimate partner from 1989 through 2005 were strangled.”

I told you groups were counting, and I showed you (last post?) for at least how long people with access to the internet (and looking for this information) have had access to “risk assessments” “danger assessments’” or “lethality indicators.”  Since 1989 here, 1985 my last post.  So here we are 24 years later, same indicators still not being heeded and acted appropriately on.  5 years AFTER this group started, apparently, a national Violence Against Women Act was passed, with lots of funding to stop precisely this kind of thing.  AFTER this, apparently, the family law system with its weak-ass consideration of domestic violence was developed, and possibly — possibly — influenced some of the ignorance in these matters of what to do to keep her safe.  And him.

1999, National Father’s Return Day:  Congressional testimony

 

In 1999, 10 years AFTER this organization began (and 5 years after the “dynamic duo” of:  VAWA and NFI (National Fatherhood Initiative), we get N.H. and other Congressmen testifying  (Washington D.C.) the public proclamation that Father’s Day ain’t good enough, we need, and right next to it, a “National Fathers Return Day” also.   Similar declaration (is it “enough” yet?) now going on in Kansas; please call to protest (INFO BELOW)**

06-17-1999

Be it Resolved, That the Senate–

(1) recognizes that the creation of a better United States requires the active involvement of fathers in the rearing and development of their children; 

((The what?  The “creation” of a better United States? — IS THIS SOME NEW CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT and stance I MISSED SOMEWHERE IN THE LAST 20 YEARS? That resolved to replace the mandate of the Declaration of Independence {{from the oppressive regime of England, REMEMBER??}} with the Declaration of Utopia Manufacturing, Inc.?  LET ME DOUBLECHECK:

Preamble:  ”We the people of these United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare (not specific!), and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution of the United States of America.”

Did you note the word “LIBERTY” and did you see the word in order to “create a more perfect Union” or was it “form” (out of what was already there…).  The word “create” in this document was reserved at least here to reference to a Creator.

Use of the word “blessings” is from a generalized belief in a God.  As does the Declaration of Independence, in:

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

When in the course of human events, it bcomes necessary for one MARRIAGE and/or one INTIMATE PARTNERSHIP to dissolve the bands which have connected the individuals in it to one another, and to assume among the citizens of this nation, the separate and equal station to which the laws of this land (let alone nature, and nature’s God) entitle them. . . . 

Guess what? When this came to a time in my life, his and mine, I had to declare in public why and get legal help to do so.

Note:  ”separate and equal.”  I don’t hear “separate and equal” in this above, 1999, resolution — or anything like it.  

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. “ 

These people did NOT like being oppressed, and this Constitution and the separation from Great Britain was in order to protest that and stop being Colonized and Used.  While this continued and continues (to this day) to groups and subgroups of people within the U.S. (and outside it, by the U.S., regrettably), THIS DOCUMENT TALKS ABOUT THOSE RIGHTS. . . . .  Not designer families, which are NOT its province!

(How can one consent to what one is not informed of?)

“That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

“. . . all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Am I talking about anything contrary to law, bill of rights or the U.S. Constitution?  NO.  I am talking about what sure evinces a design to reduce — women, in particularly mothers who have had to or chose to divorce or separate — under absolute Despotism, egged on by speeches like these here, and enacted into laws and then followed through by tax-supported grants to make sure no Dad — when there has been a risk in particular — is REALLY fully separated from his children.  The pattern of the family courts follows resolutions like this one and results, too often, in certifiably insane protection orders like the above one, resulting in:  2 deaths, 3 orphans, and distress all round.  

Because I now realize the status quo, I have had to let go (to date) of attempting to see my own daughters, laying low lest this person has himself a “bad hair day” or incites a friend/relative to, and my relatives HAVE been incited to participate, as have strangers, in several aggressively illegal actions. 

BACK TO 1999 and “recreating the United States in the image of a few fathers’ and other “prominent” (if not logical) thinkers.”  

(2) urges each father in the United States to accept his full share of responsibility for the lives of his children, to be actively involved in rearing his children, and to encourage the emotional, academic, moral, and spiritual development of his children; 

The word “his” indicates ownership.  It takes two parents, currently, to produce one child.  

This presumes that a single mother is incompetent to encourage the emotional, academic, moral and spiritual development of her children, especially with a  little outside support.  Speaking authoritatively for ONLy myself, that’s hogwash, and insulting.

It also presumes that gender alone renders a father competent to have this to give, when sometimes significant mental illness — or seriously recalcitrant criminal behavior/attitudes — says they don’t, and won’t.  (SEE COMMENT from one of Candi’s friends, now on this post 08-08-09).   

This also TOTALLY ignores the fact that some mothers remarry good men, who can help them do this.  If i were one of those 2nd husband good men, such a statement above would be insulting to me. 

 

(3) urges the States to hold fathers who ignore their legal responsibilities accountable for their actions and to pursue more aggressive enforcement of child support obligations; 

Please spend a few minutes on my blog and read about the “SAVP” grants administered THROUGH the “OCSE” to compromise legal process in family law in order to increase “noncustodial parent” time with the children through mediation.  Then go to Center for Policy Research in Denver, CO, and find out what Drs. Pearson and Theonnes and Venohr (I believe all have Ph.D.s) have been to since 1981.

Alternately, go to nafcj.net and read about this (although it was personally, on-line and in-depth checking out NAFCJ.net claims that brought me to my present acceptance of them; plus it was the only coherent explanation for why so many public officials seem to have lost all sense of propriety to their assigned legal responsibilities in re: child support, custody, etc.)

Or, show the sources of trusted insight into these matters, as we know that top leaders have staff to support their positions.  This should be transparent to the public.

 

STATES HAVE DROPPED THE BALL — THEIR HANDS ARE TOO BUSY ADMINISTERING FUNDS TO PUT DADS BACK IN HOMES THEY LEFT OR WERE THROWN OUT OF.  THIS INVOLVES SOME BRIBERY IN VENUE OF CHILD SUPPORT ADJUSTMENTS, AND ALL TOO OFTEN WITHIN THE COURT SYSTEM.  SUPPOSEDLY THIS IS FOR THE KIDS’ SAKE.

Douglas Ouellette returned. . . . . 

(MINNESOTA NEWS ARTICLE, CONT’D).

The Coalition’s Shellene Johnson said women are at greater danger to be killed by a partner when they attempt to leave or have just left the relationship. She said that often, protective orders alone don’t protect the woman.

“Our hope is the courts and mental health community will start recognizing that this is a significant red flag, and look into the context of what’s happening in those relationships,” she said.

MCBW’s HOPE.  Their HOPE, after 30 years of advocacy — I gather, 1979, 1989, 1999, and the latest 2009 murder/suicide — there is a HOPE that the mental health community will START recognizing that an attempted suicide is a red flag. . . .  THAT’s bright.  What’s the bill?

A relative of Doug Ouellette declined to comment. Calls to other relatives were not returned.

Abby Simons • 612-673-4921

More National Fatherhood Initiatives, this one in Kansas.

( it just keeps going, going, going as they keep killing, killing killing when she tries to separate):

 LOOK:  Being informed on what’s being done with tax dollars in tough times is our responsibility as citizens, period.

I sought answers because I WANTED a coherent explanation for why so many different systems could fail a simple request to renew a restraining order and let me, and my daughters, get on with our lives.  Eliminating their Dad from their lives was never on my map — only his life-threatening and injury-causing violence, and the risk, that I might become a Candace Ouellette.  

It is absolutely, absolutely clear to me that eliminating ME from my daughters’ lives was on his map, and on the maps of individuals in our particular case who opposed me, point by point by point, as I simply sought enforcement of existing court orders.  

In the above Ouellette case I still find a disturbing missing piece of information — why did the searchers not intervene in time to prevent the Dad from hanging himself?  And HAD not that little 8 year old daughter called 911, might they, too, have been killed, along with their father’s belief system, apparently, that the mother did not deserve to separate from him?   Something doesn’t make sense, in that he so QUICKLY hung himself.  Any investigative reporters reading this are welcome to follow up, if possible before the next headline steals public attention.

It is time to wake up and smell the coffee — and find out who is paying which pipers to pay which tunes.

To understand why I posted this below, one needs to understand how LATE we are in this fatherhood vs. feminists game of name-calling and stereotyping.  I posted Senator Faust-Goudeau, about who I know little personally, because a colleague (see blogroll) of mine is in her state, and alerted us, and this grandiosely-worded proposed Act is apparently a current action being debated.  

My response below was more a spontaneous, incredulous reaction that this talk, which appears to have been lifted nearly verbatim from a combination of documents I have read, and link to on this site (see “courts in the kitchen” blog), could be taken seriously.  Over time, I’ve tried to accommodate — lots — for understanding differences of perspective, that my thinking (between the trauma and the personal background — I’m definitely a voracious reader, mostly nonfiction, but my work life has not been based in theory, but in street-level, hands-on practice which exposes theories in different fields (particularly educational!!) for what water they do and don’t hold.

So, I didn’t go point for point and quote.  But, friends, it’s late in the game to be dismissing how powerfully entrenched and networked AND financed this “fatherhood” movement is, and its influence in the family law and many other arenas.

Here’s an Australian, male, Ph.D. talking about the Father’s Rights Movement, and 4 major points:

http://familycourtmatters.wordpress.com/fathers-rights-domestic-violence-manspeak/

Do you know what these are?

We women who ARE leaving batterers or whose children ARE being subjected to molestation (and I don’t speak for others) are getting it from the President on Down and the Courts on up, while family-oriented and patriarchal faith institutions won’t support our cause (although they may dole out some charity, if we sit under the teachings we disagree with, and which have endorsed-by-silence (from the PULPIT) wife-beating as part of husband-leadership) and feminist organizations are not entirely a clear fit for us either, as mothers, although I certainly will work alongside, if not within, any organization or person, which has its head screwed on straight as to legal rights and is not on the take from other groups which are not.

No one — at all — is funding me for any research I do.  My reporting lacks finesse, but I generally do my homework. 

I expect any and all elected Congressional Senators or Representatives to either do theirs, or have staff that do, and I DO want an explanation for the origins of this type of initiative at this late in the game.  Perhaps we could talk, if it’s clear the talk is not about personalities, but about principles.  

People whose lives or children are not at immediate risk, or who have not lost decades, or livelihoods to this type of (propaganda — below, I call it “tripe”) may not understand the intensity of talk from those who have.  Many times, they also do not understand the shorter timeframes, windows of opportunity we are dealing with.  We are dealing with the short lives of children’s childhood, and sometimes juggling this with unknown times of our OWN safety in cases involving prior stalking, battery, threats and claims.

My current President, for whom I voted, and whose former home state, urban area, I have a significant work history (pre-marriage), was raised by a single Mom, as was at some point, my own father.  One thing I do NOT share with my current President is having been, or been related to anyone, who was just a few years  ago, one of the 10 richest United States Senators, period.  Nor have I used any single aspect of my profile, which does have significant diversity in it,  to speak for everyone who shares one or two aspects of the same profile, and try to demand that everyone accept the same platform and adjust their entire lifestyles to accommodate it.

This fatherhood movement, talk, initiatives, grants, and so forth is doing EXACTLY like that, even when it costs lives. One system it’s draining is for battered women’s shelters, and legal help for battered women snared in the family law system, a system which I now understand was designed to do exactly that.

This interspersing of fatherhood promotion with domestic violence headlines may not seem related, but it is.  The one has weakened the other, and compromised the court’s willingness to let a woman completely separate when such activities are involved.  It appears (anecdotally) that they WILL permit total separation more likely in situations when there has NOT been significant abuse or violence reported.

A person who has researched these issues somewhat (either through my site, or others linked to on this blog), will understand clearly how the above resolution basically parrots the premises (the main ones) of this movement.  I provided the link (again) above to the 1999 statements by various congresspeople to the president on this issue.  

As such, I think a short Act might be sponsored, paraphrased thus:

Anyone who talks like this, expecting to be taken seriously,  is either already owned by certain political forces, or is simply not informed enough to hold public office, OR is informed, but is pretending not to be, or otherwise should give a coherent explanation of why we should, August 2009, believe this analysis just rose up from the grassroots in its present form.  Good grief!

Sound leadership requires sound analysis by SOMEONE.  Initiatives redirecting public policy, institutions, or funds, should show better logic, originality, and in-depth thinking beyond sound-bytes or assertions of this sort.

 A woman from this state (Kansas) has already filed an international appeal for help in the matter of losing custody of her young daughter to a batterer:

(2007)

On May 11,2007,  just before Mother’s Day weekend, ten mothers, one victimized child, now an adult,  leading national and state organizations filed a complaint against the United States with the Inter American Commission on Human Rights. Their petition claims that U.S. courts, by frequently awarding child custody to abusers and child molesters, has failed to protect the life, liberties, security and other human rights of abused mothers and their children.  

. . . 

For more than 30 years U.S. judges have given custody or unsupervised visitation of children to abusers and molesters putting the children directly at risk,” says Dianne Post, an international attorney who authored the petition.  “These horrendous human rights violations have been brought to the attention of family court systems, and state and federal governments, to no avail. We turn now to international courts to protect the rights and safety of US children.”

The complaint details several cases with documented medical evidence of child sexual abuse, yet in each instance the father who was accused of abuse was given full custody of the children.  Several of the mothers were jailed by the courts because of their persistent efforts to protect their children from abuse, several were ordered not to speak of the abuse and not to report abuse to authorities.  Every mother was denied contact with her child for some period of time though none was ever proven to have harmed them.

“My life was completely shattered apart on that day and my childhood was destroyed,” said Jeff Hoverson, the adult child petitioner, about the day a family court judge ordered sheriff deputies to deliver him into the custody of his abuser. “It was as if I was just kidnapped. I was torn from everything I knew….I was made into a possession rather than a child.”  Hoverson endured years of trauma and fear living in his father’s home before escaping and returning to his mother at age 17.  He is haunted by years of feeling helpless to prevent his father’s night-time visits to his sisters’ bedrooms.

Studies of gender bias in the courts, conducted in the 1980’s and 90’s, found disturbing trends of courts minimizing or excusing men’s violence against women, and favoring the abusers.  In 1990 the United States Congress passed a resolution recommending the prohibition of giving joint or sole custody to abusers.  Seventeen years later, the practice continues unabated.  Ten years ago today (2007), leading national organizations were joined by  members of Congress in a protest in Washington D.C. to again raise awareness about the problems in family courts.  Today, petitioners say, the problem is systemic and widespread in family law courts across the nation.

. . . 

 

The petition seeks a finding from the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights that the U.S. has violated the Declaration of the Rights and Responsibilities of Man and the Charter of the Organization of American States and a statement of the steps that the U.S. must take to comply with its human rights obligations in regards to battered women and children in child custody cases.

The Inter-American Commission on Human Rights was created in 1959 and is expressly authorized to examine allegations of human rights violations by members of the Organization of American States, which include the United States. . .

In addition to The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence, other national organizations supporting the international lawsuit include:

• National Organization for Women and the NOW Foundation,
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,
• Justice For Children,
• National Family Court Watch Project,
• Legal Momentum,
• Family Violence Prevention Fund,
• National Alliance to End Sexual Violence,
• Domestic Violence Report,
• Sidran Traumatic Stress Institute, and
• the National Center on Sexual and Domestic Violence.

 

The petition is supported by many state organizations as well.

In December 2005, the American Civil Liberties Union filed a petition against the United States with the Inter American Commission on Human Rights for their failure to protect Jessica Gonzales’ three children from their abusive father, who murdered them.  Their petition, the first of its kind, asserted that domestic violence victims have the right to be protected by the state from the violent acts of their abuser.

{Note, as with Gonzales, THE QUESTION OF ENFORCEMENT COMES UP. . . .. }

 

or additional information contact:

Irene Weiser
Stop Family Violence
actnow ^t stopfamilyviolence.org 
607-539-6856

View the petition at http://www.StopFamilyViolence.org/468 

 

SUMMARY (today’s post):  The court order preceding the Ouellete suicide/murder was indeed certifiably insane.  

There are coherent reasons both those individuals died and both those little girls witnessed their mother’s murder by their father.  Some of these are policy, and as to response time, as to their individual families, I cannot answer.  I had, as I’ve said before, a similar order with even less restriction and even weaker justification for such.  This was hashed together quickly, overeen by a family court mediator, and in the aftermath of the restraining order becoming permanent.  NO ONE coached me on visitation order, although I was (wrongly) coached into offering joint legal custody when I didn’t have to, which later became a downfall and cost me my profession and those children.  I am among those mothers, not that is on the suit, but among those mothers that lost my children to a man who battered me during marriage, over many years (along with many forms of abuse).  

I then went through more years of legal abuse, which further turned upon failure to pay child support on his part, a similar tactic to what was used while we were together, to keep me from becomign too independent.  The child-stealing as well as the bounce into fmaily law venue, in my case, BOTH were at times when this household was set to prosper, and I had given NO indication of intent to separate him from the children, or from contact with the children (contrary to court claims), but had repeatedly sent a clear message, in multiple venues, that I WAS changing the dynamics of our relationship.  I refused to take orders, for the most part, that were not in writing from the court, and was fought tooth and nail — at police stations, and every where other possible point of contact, including several he created that trespassed my intentionally set boundaries.  

  What I HAD separated from in my move was taking direct orders, in particular from a man that refused to obey them himself and has (to this date) continued in contempt of all the court orders ever in our long, long, family law case.

This is long-term trauma and punishment for speaking up and out about criminal behavior by Dad (and some of his associates) towards the children, and me.  This type of behavior has marked ALL of my acquaintance with him, practically since the day we married (but not before), and to this date the standard has been set, I am not informed about the general whereabouts of my own daughters, unless I happen to get lucky, get through, or hear incidentally.  I have been eradicated from their lives lest they learn the same values I hold dear — that a woman does not sit on this earth to be a man’s slave in any form, and that she is of EQUAL LEGAL STATUS to him, and should be in marriage as well as after it.

It is my understanding that MOST of the blogs (with graphic buttons) on my post are of similar experience regarding their children and the courts, it is how we know each other.  This is a FAR more widespread social crisis than “fatherlessness” which has existed since wars began.  

 

What I would like to see addressed, and would like ALL of the above organizations to address (some of whom I know a bit more about than others), is not THAT the courts are doing this, but WHY they are doing this and WHO is allowing them to. It is assuredly not new. 

Sorry to entwine (and what’s worse, quote and comment on!) a

• 2009 Minnesota News headline news account, plus related MN battered women’s coalition information, with a
• 1999 Washington D.C. address to Congress about the father crisis, compared to the
• 1776 U.S. Constitution and Declaration of Independence with a related
• 2009 Kansas, surprise, “new” proposal to enact a “Fatherhood Initiative” Bill, and from there to a
• 2007 appeal to the Inter American Council on Human Rights (IACHR) because of a known Kansas battered Mom was on it, as reported by Stop Family Violence (2nd graphic button on my website, only unfortunately not their real logo), and the uncomfortable reminders that:

INFORMATION ABOUT SITUATIONS IS STILL NOT INFORMING POLICY.

AND WHERE WE SHOULD MOVE IS FROM REPORTING THE SITUATIONS TO STUDYING WHAT HAPPENED, THAT WOMEN STILL CAN’T, ONCE MARRIED OR IN “AN INTIMATE PARTNERSHIP”  AND A NEED FOR SEPARATION DUE TO SAFETY ARISES, GET IT!!

That is, however, how I often think.  Probably relates to the prior life as a musician, balancing different resonances from different singers, etc.  It feels more balanced to weave the threads, even though a single topic would pack a greater emotional punch.

Sorry for that analogy…

Softpro, the world’s leading vendor of systems for fraud prevention solutions, capture and verification of handwritten signatures, and the Netherlands Forensic Institute (NFI, www.forensicinstitute.nl), a departmental agency of the Dutch Ministry of Justice announce to partner in the research and development of innovative tools focusing on the science of verifying signatures.

In the future the NFI might leverage Softpro’s technology to aid forensic experts in detecting forgeries more quickly and efficiently. Vice versa the NFI will share its expertise with Softpro to be reflected in upcoming releases of Softpro’s fraud prevention and signature verification suite SignPlus.

Read the full article here:  http://www.signplus.com/en/press/releases/2009-07-15_softpro_nfi.phps

Softpro is Wacom´s partner since years and offering the LCD Signature Tablet STU-500 (a joint development) under the name SignPad eSignio.  You will find more information about handritten electronic signature here.

We are as a family having to learn a new attribute, patience. We have always been a couple then a family who have worked on impulsiveness but now we have to learn to wait on God. This is hard work!

We are sure that Father has spoken to us about Church planting or moving to help a church which is struggling especially in evangelism but we have not been told when or where. So for the first time we really have to seek God for our futures. For both of us it is a trial, and when you add our kids into the mix it become even more complex.

Currently we have two places on ‘Our Hearts’ one is Canada to work with some friends we have there and the second is to join a completely new church plant in Inverness Scotland. However we may end up somewhere completely different.

We have decided this year to ask Father about the destination he wants us to move towards. To that end my wife and I will hopefully be visiting Canada this year on a weeklong scouting mission and we are also hoping to revisit Inverness as a family later in the year. We will also try and meet up with the leaders of our denomination in Scotland to discuss the move there in more detail. We figure that we need to push some doors to see what happens.

BUT WE WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!!! RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!! CAN WE GO NOW!!!!!

Of course Father is teaching us to learn to rely and rest on Him, to wait for His timing which are perfect and true.

I STILL WANT TO KNOW NOW!!!!!

In the mean time we are going to try and get our house in order, in the physical, spiritual and personal sense.

Our house which we moved into some 10 years ago needs new heating, electrics, bathroom and kitchen before we can sell it. In addition we will also have to floor and decorate throughout the whole house. Of course selling in this economic climate will need a miracle from Father.

On the spiritual front we have so much to learn; we have started to study together and applying all that we can to our lives. This is causing great but often traumatic change. However we are now starting to see the fruit of this.

Finally we both need to grow up, and put out childishness behind us and move on. To that end we are working through personal issues such as our marriage, parenting, and life style choices. Currently we are working through the Peasant Princess series from Mark Driscoll which has been excellent and we are seeing changes in our marriage already through it.

In all this we also have to be actively serving in our current situation, in our current church and community. This is making life fairly hectic but not in a burn out sort of way.

Our church is about to make a monumental change when we receive our new, and first owned building back on Monday 2^nd February. We are excited and looking forward to the challenges that it will bring.

God is one the move and we don’t want to miss Him, here and now and there in the future (where ever there is of course!)

Here are the final instalments of the Ebooks by PJ Smyth which I have been linking to over the last few weeks. These six  are on more practical matters, finance, marriage, reading the word, relationship and parenting. Enjoy….

Healing: Biblical principles, practises and encouragement to pray for the sick.
Money Matters: Developing biblical attitudes and actions with finance.
The Sword: Learning how to understand, enjoy and apply the bible to our lives.
Relationships and Sexuality: A comprehensive look at relationships and sexuality.
Getting Ready for Marriage: To help you get ready for engagement or marriage.
Quick-Start Parenting: For parents who just want the really important bits and fast

I have uploaded links to some more ebooks by PJ Smyth.

These excellent resources briefly look at the topic(s) of why we need more leaders in the church. Each of the books looks at the biblical need fora different type of leader then looks at some practical information about each type.

Topics covered are

• Apostles
• Elders
• Preachers
• Small Group Leaders

They can be found on the side bar of the blog…. enjoy

I need help. I need to find a good name under which to publish and/or sell my photography.

I registered the Goldfield Images domain name (it goes to SmugMug, here) but it’s pretty lame. It’s also too close to Goldfield Image Makers, and I don’t really want to be confused with their crooked camera-phone quality work.

So, dear reader, can you suggest a better name? I have no imagination at all.

‘This is Life’ is the latest CD from Newfrontier’s Newday youth camp. Held in Uttoxeter in Derbyshire the camp brings together 6000 plus young Christians from across the UK for a time of fellowship teaching and worship. Over the last few years they have also released a CD of live worship from the camp and this year is no different.

‘This is Life’ features worship lead by Simon Brading, Lou Fellingham, Paul Oakley, Tree63 and Yfriday. It is an eclectic mix of Exuberant praise and soulful worship.

I must say on first hearing I was not that impressed with this year’s CD. …….

(More in Music Reviews)

do 23 okt 2008
Een jointje staat gelijk aan 1,1 promille alcohol

Bible Study

Systematic Theology – Wayne Grudem

How to read the bible for all its worth – Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart

Finding Jesus in the old testament – C Wright

The Challenge of Jesus – NT Wright

Commentaries – ‘Everyone’ series – NT Wright

Unlocking the Bible – David Pawson

Discipleship

Passion For Jesus – Mike Bickle

Celebration of Discipline – Richard Foster

The life you’ve always wanted – John Ortborg

The Divine Conspiracy – Dallas Willard

Wild at Heart – John Eldridge

Victory over Darkness – NT Anderson

Everybody’s Normal till you get to know them – John Ortborg

Devotional Classics – Richard Foster & James Smith

Mission

Let the Nations be Glad – John Piper

Building a Contagious Church – Mark Mittelberg

The Mission of God – Christopher Wright

Biographies

Mother Theresa – an authorised biography – Kathryn Spink

Brother Lawrence – The practise of the presence of God

No Well Worn Paths – Terry Virgo

Soul Survivor – Philip Yancey

John Wimber – David Pytches

Confessions of a Reformission Rev. – Mark Driscoll

Blue Like Jazz – Donald Miller

Church Planting

What on earth is the church for? – Dave Devenish

Planting churches in the Postmodern World  - Ed Stetzer

Planting Missional Churches  - Ed Stetzer

Leadership

Courageous Leadership – Bill Hybels

Spiritual Warfare and Prayer

Demolishing Strongholds – David Devenish

Guess we are going to be busy in the future!

Following on from the Together on a Mission 08 conference Terry Virgo has written a reply / update on / to the challenges set out by Mark Driscoll to NFI as a family of churches.

Full details can be found here

This response from Terry shows the best side of NFI as a group, their humility and willingness to listen to outside voices and respond to them accordingly.

Mark Driscoll has probably had more impact than any other speaker at an NFI conference  for years and the effects are reverberating around the churches as they take up the challenges. He threw down the gauntlet on a number of different issues and problems within the NFI churches. Some of them were not very pretty. He challenged us as a group on how we meet, where we meet, the time we meet, our doctrine and theology, the relative (in his view) slowness of our church planting, the use of the word ‘Family’, and not honouring the past over the future.

They were big things for a guest to come and say.

Terry with great humility admits that things are not right, how many leaders do that?!?, and then outlines some of the things that are happening / will happen in the future to align NFI up against what Father wants us to do or be.

I hope the leaders across all the churches take note, people pointing out the weaknesses are not always there trying to tear you down. Often they are trying to help you see what Father sees and want to point you onto better things.

I look forward to seeing us growing and changing as the ‘team(s)’ and churches work this through.

The excellent teaching from North08 has now been uploaded onto the NFI north Website.

Both David Holdens excellent series on Faith and Jeremy Simpkins Evening talks have been recorded. The majority of the seminars have also been recorded.

They can be found at http://www.newfrontiers-north.org.uk/downloads.php

Enjoy

We are preparing to go off to North08 today. North08 is a gathering of the northern (if you think yorkshire is in the north of course) and the deep fried mars bar eating (scottish) churches of New Frontiers International.

There have been a number of these events over the last few years and they have each been challenging and encouraging. Over the years we have had Terry Virgo, David Stroud and David Devenish speak to us and this year we have David Holden which I am looking forward to.

North is always about perseverance, not the subject but perseverance to overcome the many difficulties we have had to face while camping.

We have faced everything from grass so tall you needed step ladder to see over it, 1 toilet to 1000 people, toilets and showers that only worked when the wind was in one direction there was a u in the day and people had prayed hard.

Each year we have been on the brink of coming home but through sheer pig headiness we have stayed and battled it out. Guess what each time Father has shown up in a powerful way.

Year one both my wife and I came back alive and fired up to do more for Father to take the fight out to Durham

Year two on the way home my eldest Son and daughter became christian’s (Praise God for going bananas!!)

Year three we were called into small group leadership after battling with the elders who had been asking us to do it for years.

Year Four Eldest son gets blasted by the Holy Spirit for the first time and I have to carry / drag him back to the tent. What a change that has made to him over the year.

So this year… well we now have a medical issue that is making it difficult for us to get to North on the Thursday. But I think this is an attack just as the other things were an attack. We need to press on fight it and get there. Why… so we can fellowship with the church and come home empowered and emboldened to take the message of Jesus’ love into Durham!