Accordingly, a clearly disappointed Nickelodeon sent out a press release earlier today announcing President Barack Obama’s presence in the station’s Kids Pick the President special next week. However, one major White House contender will be absent. “After numerous attempts by Nick News to get former Governor Mitt Romney to participate in the special, his camp declined, saying he was unable to fit it into his schedule,” the statement explained.

“By answering kids’ questions directly, candidates show respect for kids,” Nick News host Linda Ellerbee said, piling on. “We are disappointed that Mitt Romney wouldn’t take the time to answer the questions, but are thrilled that President Obama participated in the special.”

In the program, Mr. Obama will answer children’s questions about gun control, jobs, illegal immigration,  gay marriage, outsourcing, bullying, obesity and other topics. Responding to an inquiry as to what his most embarrassing moment was, Mr. Obama did not point to his hot mic moment with outgoing Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, but rather walking into unmovable objects.

“Running into the wall is par for the course for me,” he answered. “I’m running into doors and desks all the time.”

Nickelodeon hits the campaign trail this fall with “Nick News with Linda Ellerbee” and its “Kids Pick the President” initiative. The initiative will offer election-themed educational content both on-air and online, leading up to the week-long kids’ vote starting Oct. 15.

The program begins with two Nick News specials, “Kids Pick the President: The Issues” on Monday, Sept. 17, followed by “Kids Pick the President: The Candidates” on Monday, Oct. 15. After the Oct. 15 special, children will have the opportunity to cast their vote for who they think should be the next president.

Nickelodeon is available to all Suddenlink customers who have what is commonly known as Expanded Basic TV service.

Monday

8:00 – House (Fox): A hospitalized marriage counselor shows behavior that contradicts his motivational message on gender roles. Meanwhile, House and his green-card Ukrainian “wife” try to show immigration officials that they’re a happily married couple. House also decides to name a new team leader. I’m glad they’re finally doing a relatively whacky episode. This show has been bringing me down lately.

8:30 – 2 Broke Girls (CBS): Max and Caroline serve not-quite-kosher cupcakes at a Bar Mitzvah. What an odd main crisis.

9:00 – Hart of Dixie (The CW): A rare snowfall in Bluebell delights Zoe, but her fellow citizens view it as a bad omen. Meanwhile, Lavon’s parents visit him and meet Didi; and Lemon and George confront a choice about their future. These people are scared of now? I’m starting to suspect this show doesn’t have the most positive outlook on small towns.

9:30 – Mike & Molly (CBS): Molly discovers that Mike hasn’t had a birthday party since he was 9 years old, so she sets out to rectify that by throwing him a big surprise bash. Meanwhile, Samuel gives online dating a whirl. Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything during our entire courtship, but I’m glad you enjoyed all of your birthdays.

10:00 – Smash (NBC): Casting begins for the Joe DiMaggio character, and the lead contender is hiding something. Meanwhile, Karen returns to her hometown to attend a baby shower; and Eileen’s ex-husband pollutes her pool of potential investors. I hope this show gets significantly better. They managed to get me invested in this not being just another mediocre TV show.

Tuesday

4:00 – The Ellen Degeneres Show (NBC): Taylor Swift and Zac Efron. That will be cute!

7:00 – House of Anubis (Nickelodeon): Jerome discovers that Trudy’s been kidnapped; the kids find a secret door in the task chamber; Alfie bonds with Piper; Jerome’s quest takes him to Sarah’s dollhouse. This school has a “task chamber”? I bet that’s just what they call the cafeteria during after school hours when they glitter glue.

7:30 – The Amazing World of Gumball (Cartoon Network):  The guys accidentally create a monster with a taste for the family. Oh, Amazing World of Gumball. You do go on.

8:00 – Glee (Fox): The glee kids square off against the Dalton Academy Warblers at Regionals. I wish that was going to be the main focus. The competition episodes are usually the best ones because it’s mostly just singing, but this one has wedding stuff, baby stuff and possibly some horrible melodrama with Quinn. Yikers.

8:30 – Cougar Town (ABC): Jules can’t decide on a maid of honor, so she asks Ellie and Laurie to share the title. Meanwhile, Grayson plans to ask for permission to marry Jules, but her father doesn’t make it easy for him. Alright let’s get all of these pre-wedding tropes out of the way quickly so we can get back to all having fun.

9:00 – New Girl (Fox): Jess deals with a bully in her classroom; Nick frets when Julia sends him a cactus; and Schmidt’s new love interest insists on keeping their relationship a secret. Oh, CeCe. Every other guy you sleep with is so much more embarrassing than Schmidt. Why are you too blind to see it?

9:30 – Raising Hope (Fox): Jimmy and Sabrina decide to be more open with each other as their relationship grows, which leads to Jimmy helping her overcome a childhood phobia. Meanwhile, Burt comes clean with Virginia about a habit he’s been hiding for years. I’m looking forward to a new era of Jimmy and Sabrina being a couple.

10:00 – White Collar (USA): A wealthy baseball fan plans to steal a valuable piece of memorabilia from Yankees Stadium and recruits Neal to join his team for the heist. I thought this episode was going to air last week, but instead there was no White Collar episode because of a dog show. A dog show, really? When I don’t get an episode of my favorite show because of sports, I hate it, but I get it. But, I draw the line at dog shows.

Wednesday

7:00 – House of Anubis (Nickelodeon): Patricia is heartbroken when she learns that Eddie kissed Piper. Why, there’s no magical mysteries in that plotline at all! Shouldn’t they check if some sort of orb or mysterious sword showed up in the task chamber?

8:00 – American Idol (Fox): The contestants must bring it and sing it in one final performance opportunity to win over the judges, who then reveal the first group of semifinalists. This is the last episode before we get to the relatively entertaining portion of this show! We made it!

9:30 – Happy Endings (ABC): Punxsutawney Phil may signal winter’s end, but this group of friends can set their calendars by the “spring smackdown”: Jane and Brad’s annual domestic dispute. It’s also the sign for Max to come out of his long winter’s hibernation. Why does this show refuse to be better? Is it laziness or incompetence?

Thursday

7:00 – House of Anubis (Nickelodeon): Jasper dodges Fabian’s questions. I hope it’s a bottle episode with the two of them trapped in the task chamber just dialogue-ing a storm, but no actual information is divulged.

8:00 – 30 Rock (NBC): The Rock stars leap into an intercalary-day celebration. On leap day, Jack gets an extra day to do business, Liz helps Jenna woo an Internet billionaire and Tracy sets out to spend a big-bucks Benihana gift card. First off, don’t try to make the phrase “The Rock stars” happen. Second, did Jenna break up with Paul? I skip one episode and this is what happens.

8:30 – Parks and Recreation (NBC): Everyone forgets Jerry’s birthday. To make up for it, Leslie throws him a post-birthday party at a special location. Meanwhile, Tom is shocked to learn that he and Ann have very different tastes in music. Tom, if April can love Andy even though he thinks Dave Matthews Band is better than The Smiths, then love can conquer anything. Don’t worry about it.

9:00 – The Office (NBC): A power play unfolds in Tallahassee when Dwight and Todd Packer compete to become Nellie’s vice president. Meanwhile, Jim receives an unwanted visitor; and Andy forces the Scranton staffers to work late. Bleh.

9:30 – Up All Night (NBC): Chris agrees to host a joint birthday party for Amy with his enthusiastic neighbors, much to Reagan’s chagrin. Ava, meanwhile, tries to put her own special touch on the party, while Nancy hopes the gathering will help her land a man. Wouldn’t it be great if this show got a lot better? I maintain hope.

10:00 – Archer (FX): Ray’s younger brother is in trouble with a crooked sheriff in the West Virginia backwoods, and Archer must come to the rescue. Needless to say, Jack McBrayer plays Ray’s younger brother.

10:30 – Unsupervised (FX): An outbreak of head lice threatens Gary and Joel’s plans to hook up with girls at a school dance. That’s not a bad plot, but I bet they’ll ruin it.

Friday

7:00 – House of Anubis (Nickelodeon): Jasper’s offering is rejected by the Collector; Jerome takes Sarah’s dollhouse. I don’t know exactly what the Collector is, but I think when you’re a child, getting rejected by “the Collector” is always a good thing.

8:00 – Fred: The Show (Nickelodeon): Fred advertises his babysitting services and thinks Kevin is his first charge. I can say without hyperbole that this show will probably be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

9:00 – Grimm (NBC): A double-homicide investigation lands Nick and Monroe in a creature fight club. Fight club is my least favorite TV trope because why the fuck is that a trope?

10:00 – Portlandia (IFC): A surprise guest turns up at the anniversary party for Toni and Candace. Spoiler alert: It’s Penny Marshall.

Saturday

12:00 – Power Rangers Samurai (Nickelodeon): A hard-shelled Nighlok proves to be a formidable opponent; Antonio loses an important item, and two wannabe Samurais find it. I had no idea that there was a new Power Rangers show on the air. This changes everything.

8:00 – Victorious (Nickelodeon): Cat’s favorite actress passes away, and Cat wants to honor her. Elsewhere, Trina directs herself and the boys in a play. I don’t have a lot to say about this show, but it is a fun watch.

8:30 – How to Rock (Nickelodeon): Kacey pressures her band to make a music video after the Perfs make a highly successful one, but her pushy attitude causes problems. It’s okay, Kacey, we’ll still make your video. That’s what friends are for…even if you are a real pain some times.

Sunday

7:30 – So Random! (Disney): New Boyz perform “Meet My Mom.” Sometimes I think you young people are just making this crap up.

8:30 – Shake It Up (Disney): Rocky and CeCe are paired for a school science project, but Rocky thinks CeCe lacks enthusiasm so she looks for a new partner. Meanwhile, Gunther takes over for Ty as Flynn’s babysitter. They really milk that Rocky-cares-about-school-more-than-CeCe angle.

9:00 – Nick News with Linda Ellerbee (Nickelodeon): Kids and celebrities discuss personal failures and how they overcame them. Celebrities appearing include Tina Fey, Brian Williams, Richard Branson, Wendy Williams, Russell Simmons, George Lopez, Julie Bowen, Nick Cannon and Melissa Joan Hart. I remember thinking this show was really boring, which is a shame because they had really good topics. What can I say? There was a time when fairy magic seemed much more relevant than gay marriage.

10:00 – Comic Book Men (AMC): Walt thinks it’s time for the Stash to shoot a commercial. Later, a customer brings in something really special. I’m guessing this will never be a show that has really thrilling episode descriptions.

I’m excited to officially announce that I’ve stepped up into a new position as jcpenney salon’s Artistic Director!   As a platform artist, session & celebrity stylist, artistic director and former salon owner, I have been involved in the beauty business from the ground up — and I’m anxious to bring my experience and insights to bear for the 14,000 stylists at over 900 salons in the jcp family.  This opportunity allows me to layer fashion and lifestyle over my lifetime of experience with hair design and color. Together with new jcpenney CEO Ron Johnson, I’m committed to making jcp salons America’s favorite salons inside of America’s favorite department store.  Watch for some big changes as we transform jcp salons beginning in 2012!

I will retain my position as Artistic Director for Matrix.  I love serving as an instructor to some of the world’s best stylists at national venues such as Design Pulse Roadshow, Matrix Destination, Matrix Imagination and Premiere events.  My Matrix family continues to be near and dear to my heart.

        “This reminds me of San Diego.”  Ashley said, looking down at her shirt.  We were walking down the ever-thickening sidewalk toward the parade route on Washington, still not blocked off, as it was only 8:30.  We all had the same t-shirts on, except for the recent additions to our posse – JD and Big Rob, who were mostly wearing their last drinks on their shirts.  Big Rob was wearing someone else’s.  I looked down at my shirt, as did most of us now.

        “The shirt?” I asked Ashley.  “It reminds you of San Diego?”

        “Yeah,” she answered, and oddly enough, her sister Cherish nodded in agreement.

        “San Diego?” Sarah asked. “Like ‘Go fuck yourself, San Diego!‘ San Diego?”

        “The font,” Ashley told her. 

        “San Diego has its own font?” I asked.  I had never been to San Diego, a streak which continues to this day.

        “No, the show.  Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?” she explained.  “Doesn’t it?”

        “That was kinda after my time,” I told her, and all the kids laughed at my broken down old self.  It reminded me of the time in the schoolhouse when I spilled my ink well. 

        “She wasn’t actually from San Diego, was she?” Sarah asked.  “Carmen Sandiego, I mean.”

        “I don’t know.”  Cherish and Ashley looked back at their shirts, as though the evidence of Carmen Sandiego’s origin might be on there somewhere. 

        “She’s dead now, that woman from the show,” I chimed in, impressed with myself for even knowing such a thing.

        “Really?  Linda Ellerbee?” Sarah asked.

        “What?  No, not Linda Ellerbee.  She wasn’t on that show.”

        “Yeah, she was,” Sarah insisted.

        “That was Nick News,” Doddy told her.

        “She was on Carmen Sandiego, too.”

        “I meant the chief,” I said, trying to steer it back to the point.  “Lynne Thigpen.  Shes dead.”

        “So is Linda Ellerbee.  Dead.”  Sarah nodded, but I could tell she was questioning this statement as soon as she said it. 

        “No she’s not,” I felt fairly confident in saying.

        “This looks just like that font,” Ashley added.

        Big Rob was ringing out his sweater, and Zeenat had hung back away from the Dead or Alive conversation, text messaging her boyfriend Gene, who was supposed to meet up with us later.  It occurred to me that I’d now have to update my sister as to where we were, or else she would end up in the vortex that was Brixx’s.  As I didn’t know where we were going yet I sent her a text message that only said “Not at Brixx’s.  Stay tuned.” 

        We got to Linden Street, the heart of the parade route, where the grandstand had been in years past.  It was on Washington now, maybe to disassociate it from the multitude of bars populating Linden.  There were lines at Farley’s on the corner with Adams Street, and at Tink’s, squatting in the middle of the block like some sort of row house nightclub.  Neither looked terribly appealing, but we thought maybe Tink’s would be novel, as it was rumored this was the last year that the messy, three story vomitorium would be open.

        The mammoth Electric City sign sat on the same side of the street as Tink’s, on top of a different building in the row, and had only recently been relit after years and years of sitting dead.  Later on, the sign would serve as a beacon for some of the more inebriated members of our party to meet up, as you can see its orange and yellow lights pretty much anywhere in town, but right now, it was just a green metal outline against the clear blue sky. 

        In the gutter, in front of this building, lay a St. Patty’s bedecked sot, face up, eyes barely open and fixed.  He looked dead, but people kept walking by without a second look.  I thought it was worth a shot, so I went over to the guy as the group went to the line at Tink’s.

        “Hey,” I called down to him, as though shouting down a well.  I figured this might have a chance of reaching him at his no doubt cavernous depth.

        The man’s eyes took a second adjusting, and he raised a hand to shield himself from the sun.  “Hrrrmmm?” he asked, sort of.

        “Are you Tom Pagano?” I asked.

        “Wha?”  He coughed and his head lolled back and forth a second, as though his neck was broken. 

        “Are you Tom Pagano?” I repeated, losing hope.

        “No!  No I’m not, for the love of God.”

        ”Do you know who he is?” I asked.  “Where can I find him?”

        ”I don’t know him!  Stop asking!  Leave me alone!  I’m nobody, nobody!”

        It was weird all right. “Fair enough,” I told him, and joined everyone else in line.

It’s 8:30 already?  Time is just galloping swiftly into oblivion over here!  What does San Diego’s font look like?  Where is Tom Pagano?  And really, how can you confuse Lynne Thigpen and Linda Ellerbee?!  Questions will continue to rise and disappear like Whigs in the next account of Scranton and Parade Day, likely entitled To Sleep Perchance to Drink!

When it comes to the 2008 Presidential race, who would America’s children vote for, if they could? According to Nick News, the Linda Ellerbee-hosted Nickelodeon program, Senators John McCain and Barack Obama would be the winners.

Kids nationwide voted online as part of the network’s Kids Pick the President initiative. Results were announced last night, with Sen. McCain getting 24% of the GOP vote, and Sen. Obama receiving 46% of the Democratic ballots. Nickelodeon says almost 80,000 votes were cast.

Very interesting on how the kids voted. The press release is here.

 H/T: Mediabistro