SALT LAKE CITY — Nikki Stone won an Olympic gold medal, but another life changing event is the reason the now best-selling author and motivational speaker works to spread the word about healthy lifestyles: her father’s heart attack.

Stone’s childhood ambition was to win Olympic gold.

“I had dreamt of winning a gold medal since I was five years old,” she said.

But the journey from childhood hopes to realizing that goal wasn’t easy.

“There were a number of challenges in order to get to that Olympic gold,” she said. “I actually had to overcome my fear of heights, and going 50 feet in the air for aerial skiing, it was an enormous challenge.”

The fear may have been in her head, but Stone faced physical challenges as well. Stone injured her spine, and doctors told her she’d never ski again. That didn’t stop Stone, who won the gold medal in Japan 18 months later.

“To be there in that moment and to feel like every sacrifice you had made, every hurdle that you had gone through, every tear, pain, sweat, everything you’d been through ….To stand in that moment, to hear your country’s national anthem, you know, I had chills up and down my entire body,” she said.

Stone is a motivational speaker now, and her book “When Turtles Fly: Secrets of Successful People Who Know How To Stick Their Necks Out” is a best-seller.

Stone’s father had a heart attack several years ago, and she said she wants to help spread awareness about heart disease, particularly among women. Heart disease is the number one killer of women.

“A lot of women, they don’t… they think of it as a man’s disease, but really there are so many women dying from this disease, more than every cancer combined,” she said.

Stone said she hopes her message about health and fitness will motivate and empower women to make positive lifestyle changes. She said if she can find the time to exercise while juggling being a mother, a motivational speaker and an author, then others can as well. Stone said exercising makes those other areas of her life improve.

“I find that I’m a better speaker,” she said. “I’m a better mom. I’m a better person when I can feel good about myself.”

Stone will be the keynote speaker at the Go Red For Women luncheon on Friday, April 26. The event is in downtown Salt Lake City. For more information about the event, click here.

“The Echo Factor”

So I’m a little late with my Week 2 Mommy Body Transformation update, but it’s not for lack of results, honest. No I have not lost any weight, but I have upped the exercise factor, and I’m starting to tone. So A-plus for effort on that. Here’s a quick rundown of the week.

Sunday: Took a one hour and 45 minute hike in the woods with Mark and Murph. The terrain was uphill, downhill, rocky, smooth and gave us all quite a workout. It was a great way to kick off the week.

Monday: Remembering some advice I read in Nikki Stone‘s book When Turtle’s Fly, I decided to write down my main goals for this project. Nikki believes that if you aren’t willing to and don’t have the initiative to write down your goals, then there’s a good chance you won’t take the initiative to complete them. So here’s what I wrote:

I also wrote down a list of possible activities for the week. Lists seem to work for me, so why not in this case.

Then I took a 5-mile walk with my mom and Murph.

Where I saw this in the front yard of a house on a small country road. Why?

And then set out to outfit myself for my return to the pool the next day. Read about that lovely excursion to Dick’s in pursuit of a one-piece racing suit here. It will surely lighten your mood for the rest of the day.

Tuesday: I hit the pool for the first time in YEARS and discovered a long-lost passion for swimming. I did an mild 2000-yard workout, and I had the muscle soreness in the morning to prove it! By far one of the best ways to get a full-body workout without the impact on your joints etc.

Wednesday: Was supposed to play tennis with a friend in the evening, but developed some sort of funky stomach issue, so I bagged it. Sorry L!

Thursday: Did one hour of an INSANITY workout with my friend and nearly keeled over 20 minutes into it! Definitely an ass-kicker and well-deserving of its name. Yikes! Three days later I could barely walk up and down stairs as my calves were killing!!!!!

My friend kicking butt during Insanity!

Me, with my butt thoroughly kicked AFTER Insanity!

Friday: Back to the pool, ahh! Still feeling good about this decision … Even upped the yards — 400 freestyle, 400 freestyle kick, 400 reverse IM, 400 reverse IM kick, 200 freesttyle, 5 x 100 (alternating 100 freestlye/breakstroke) with 30 seconds rest, 200 warm-down. Some of those who swam with me at Union College in the 90s may recognize this entire workout as one of our former WARM-UPS, but hey, I’ve got to start somewhere. I’m feeling great!

Saturday: Spent the day running between opening day baseball, my daughter’s “Once Upon A Mattress” play, and my mom’s to hang out with my sister, her husband and my niece who were in for the weekend. I didn’t workout, but I was so busy I forgot to eat, so that all balances out doesn’t it.

I just have to say, the kids in this middle school interpretation of ‘Once Upon a Mattress’ were amazing!!! Way to go Kenna et al!

THE RESULTS: Well, I feel fantastic, and had I taken measurements I can guarantee there were lost inches around my waist, my thighs and my upper arms. I didn’t lose any weight, but my clothes are hanging loser so it’s all good.

Speaking of clothes, I am going to be a guest blogger at Merely Mothers next week. They are blogging about fashion so obviously I would be the first choice. Yeah, not! But I am going to discuss my changing styles since having twins 13 years ago, and how that usually changes depending upon how I am feeling about my body at the time, so get ready for some laughs (especially if I include photos).

In exchange, Sarah from Merely Mothers will be sharing about her own Mommy Body Transformation project, how she’s doing, and why she chose to use Jenny Craig, as opposed to Weight Watchers like me. (BTW, I haven’t quite jumped on the WW bandwagon yet. I don’t know what the problem is because it hasn’t failed me yet, but I’m working on it.) Stay tuned!

Related articles

• The Mommy Body Transformation Project: Week 1, Off to a rocky start (renaissance-mom.com)
• The Mommy Body Transformation Project: Making the Commitment (renaissance-mom.com)
• An old friendship is reborn (renaissance-mom.com)
• Nikki Stone: Olympic gold medalist, author, motivational speaker and MOM (renaissance-mom.com)

After years of avoiding the pool, yesterday I took the plunge and re-emerged a swimmer. It wasn’t easy, and there were a lot of hurdles to overcome before I dipped my toes into the water.

First of all I had to suit myself back up. I, of course, have bathing suits, but they are all “mom” suits — tankinis. Not ideal for swimming laps, believe me I’ve tried. Your belly bulge hangs out and every time you do a flip turn or push off the wall your bottoms reveal your butt crack. Lovely picture isn’t it? So to remedy this problem I headed off to Dick’s on Monday in search of a racing/lap suit.

I entered the store with a little trepidation, after all the last time I was in a racing suit I was 132 pounds, tone, and wore a size 28-32 depending on the time of year. (For those non-swimmers out there, the closer you get to championships, the smaller your suit gets.) So, like always when the Queen of Procrastination doesn’t want to do something, she avoids. I browsed the lacrosse equipment … and then the baseball aisle. I priced a bucket of balls, admired some flip-flops, glanced at the workout clothes, and then hesitantly I wandered over to the bathing suit section.

Ahh, I remember you Speedo, TYR, Finals. It’s been a long time, but I’ve never forgotten our years together. My old friends who spent 22 years in the water with me, and whom I hadn’t seen in nearly 18 years, accepted me back as if it were yesterday. The 28, 30s, and 32s were a little shy, but I think it was because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings when they pointed me in the direction of the 38s and 40s. I get it. I’m out of shape and a little jiggly around the midsection, but hey, my boobs are still the same size, they just sag a little bit lower (if that’s even possible with B-minus boobs).

Anyway, reluctantly I reached for a couple of Speedos in the bigger sizes and made my way to the dressing room … and almost cried. Anyone who says tanned fat looks better than white fat, definitely never saw their 40-year-old body being squeezed and misshapen in a Speedo. Ugh. My “mommy of twins” hips were dramatically “accentuated” and not positively, if I dare say. I could see the cellulite dimples in my thighs that I thought had begun to tone, and there was something protruding out of the back of suit besides my relatively large ass. “Is that back fat?” I asked the woman in the mirror. The woman hesitated a moment and began chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Then, with eyebrows raised, a deep sadness appeared in her eyes and she slowly nodded her head.

I looked dejectedly at the woman in the mirror. “This sucks,” but I was determined to leave that store with a one-piece racing suit. I took a moment to gather myself and then gathered all the air that remained in that cramped stall into my lungs, and let it out in one swift gust.

“Ok,” I said to the woman. “Let’s do this!”

It took a couple of more tries and a few more trips to the suit section before I realized that I had been away from my friend Speedo for so long that apparently our longstanding history clearly meant nothing to her. Our friendship had diminished. So, slightly hurt, I said a hasty goodbye to her (perhaps we’d meet again someday soon), and turned to my old friend TYR with a smile. “Help,” I squeaked. And she responded the way only true friends do. No judgments, no hurtful words, just the truth — I wasn’t a 22-year-old All-American swimmer anymore — and before I knew it she had found me a flattering suit, appropriate for this 40-year-old out of shape swimmer.

Feeling confident I made my way over to the bathing caps and goggles, grabbed some I thought suitable, and then checked out. I was ready to hit the pool the next day.

I awoke yesterday feeling excited, a little nervous, and knowing that I had better get to work posting my Nikki Stone blog or I would miss the “Water Works” workout I was planning to attend at 9. Needless to say by 8:30 I knew that wasn’t going to happen, so I quickly browsed the pool schedule in town and saw there was lap swim that day from noon to 1 p.m. Perfect!

I finished up what I needed to do, ate a late breakfast, and headed out the door with my backpack full of swim gear. When I got to the community center I checked in (realized I only had a week left on my three month membership and this was the first time I had used it), and headed to the locker room undeterred.

I had fifteen minutes to get ready and as I entered the adult locker room I gave myself a silent fist pump. It had been years since I had been in that locker room, and back then I wasn’t old enough to use the adult locker room. My friends and I used to try to catch a glimpse of the mysterious room each time a grown-up would emerge, wondering what secrets lie behind the door. I had caught a few glimpses of it when I used to bring the kids to the pool for swim lessons, but I never paid much attention to the decor. Well, I can now tell you exactly what it looks like. It’s a dated little room with ugly pink lockers, a tiled floor that smells like wet feet, and a mirror that almost spans the length of an entire wall. Fascinating stuff!

After my disappointment at the state of the “big girl locker room” had subsided, I quickly changed, being sure to avoid the mirror at all times, did some quick stretches and then waltzed into the pool area with the confidence of someone who belonged there. The faint scent of chlorine filled my nostrils as I glanced at the small 20-yard pool where my swimming career began. It seemed cleaner now, and the air was easier to breathe. “Hey Kelly.” I looked up and saw a familiar face greeting me. It was the lifeguard, who had grown up swimming, too. She had worked at the pool and as a swim coach for years, and she looked fantastic!

“Hey Lisa,” I replied.

“You getting back in the pool?” she asked.

“Trying to,” I said. “I thought it was time to get back in shape and nothing else seemed to be working so I figured I’d try swimming again after all these years. Besides it’s easy on the joints, everything else seems to hurt when I do it. You look great by the way. What have you been doing?”

And then she said the words that sealed the deal for me. The words that let me know that after being shunned by Speedo, pitied by the woman in the mirror, and embraced by my old friend TYR, that it all led up to this. I had made the right decision in coming back to start training again, and turn get back in shape. This was why I had come back to the pool.

“I started swimming again,” Lisa said very simply. She then went on to explain that she started off slow, making herself swim 30 minutes everyday after work, and then she began to add more yards as she became stronger. When she had lost a fair amount of weight in the pool, Lisa began running, and she is now the fittest and slimmest I’ve ever seen. And best of all, she was smiling about it. You could see the pride resonating off her as a result of this accomplishment. I wanted that. I wanted to be beaming again because I was fit, and tone, and healthy. I wanted to become a swimmer again!

Armed with the memory of Lisa’s smile, I grabbed a kick board, made my way to the edge of the pool, put on my cap and goggles, and then smiled at the water in front of me. This was always the hardest part. It could take 15 minutes at times growing up to persuade myself into a cold pool. But the water was just cool enough and welcoming yesterday, and as I slid my way into the water I felt as if had come home. That feeling did not leave me the entire 45 minutes I was in that pool.

I broke my workout into 200-yard increments, and alternated between swimming and kicking (200 yards of each). The water glided over my body, sliding gracefully and without judgement over the mom curves I had developed over the years. My arms and legs knew innately what to do, and when I came to the first wall, I questioned whether my adult-induced motion sickness would affect my ability to a flip turn, but I did it anyway. I was turned a little upside down for a second, but it got easier the more turns I did.

As I slid through the water effortlessly I could feel the burn begin in my triceps, but it felt good and familiar, so I continued on. My heart raced, and my breath began to quicken but still I didn’t stop. Not even the small pain at the base of my back stopped me. I swam through the pain knowing that after a few more workouts my core would tighten back up and the pain would slowly dissipate.

I did 2000-yards in 45 minutes, and I have to admit, it was the best I have felt in years. I was sore and tired, and reeked of chlorine, but I was exhilarated. I had taken the first step in changing up my exercise routine, completed the most difficult workout I had tried in years, and I had found a few old friends in the process.

I am sore all over today — arms, stomach, shoulders, back — but I’m loving it all. It’s all going to be worth it in a few weeks. You’ll see.

** I first met Nikki Stone on the campus of Union College in 1991. We were both psychology majors and shared a few mutual friends, but all I really knew about her was that she attended Union because it had a trimester schedule so she could take the winters off to ski competitively, and she was dating a hockey player. I was reintroduced to Nikki again in 1998 in my living room as I sat in awe in front of the television watching her flip and twist her way to win an Olympic gold in inverted aerial skiing. “I went to school with her,” I told my husband over and over again. “I had no idea that’s what she was doing all those winters she left school.” Five years ago I reconnected with Nikki again, via Facebook, and used her as source for an article I wrote about how skiing had changed over the years, and the best way to teach kids how to ski. That’s when I learned she was about to release a book “When Turtles Fly: The Secrets of Successful People Who Know How to Stick Their Necks Out” within the year. I watched and waited for the book, kept tabs on Nikki’s career as a speaker and writer, and finally tracked her down again a few months ago when I came up with the idea to feature other Renaissance Moms on this blog. I learned that there was so much more to Nikki than I could even gather from our brief interactions in the past and through reading her book So let me introduce you to our first featured Renaissance Mom, Nikki Stone, Olympic gold medalist, author, motivational speaker, and MOM.

“I knew that I wanted children someday, but the thought did scare me, so I always managed to put it off every time my husband brought up the notion. I realized I was being a hypocrite and wasn’t taking the risks I so proudly claimed. So the next time my husband brought up the topic of kids, I decided I would just go for it and take the plunge. Ten months later, I gave birth to a little girl who changed my life and never allowed me to question these big decisions again.

At 41 years old, some might refer to Nikki Stone as a Super Woman of sorts. Nikki has conquered a debilitating fear of heights and launched herself five stories into the air with skis on, flipping and twisting her body in ways some may think impossible, to become one of the best women aerial skiers in the world. She has fought through a crippling back injury, which ten doctors said was impossible, and returned to the sport in 1997 after taking a year off to recuperate, capturing the first-ever aerial skiing Olympic gold in 1998 for the United States. Nikki also graduated summa cum laude from Union College in 1997, completed a two-year masters program in sports psychology in just over a year at the University of Utah, and currently travels around the world giving motivational speeches to athletes, corporations, and the like (something she herself could never dreamed of as shy young girl growing up in Wakefield, Massachusetts). And in November of last year Nikki released her first book, a five year labor of love, “When Turtles Fly.”

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Stone

But according to Nikki, none of the above feats compare to the challenge she undertook  on May 28, 2008 — motherhood.

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Stone: Nikki plays with daughter Zali, then-age 2, while visiting her home state of Massachusetts.

“As an athlete you have to be selfish particularly to compete at a high level. There’s a lot of thinking about yourself,” Nikki said during an April 24 interview. “I think my biggest concern (with having children) was that I’d still continue to be that way, so  I kept putting it off and putting it off. I was worried about my life changing. I was worried that everything would be taken away.”

But through the stories of other athletes Nikki heard while researching her book, Steve Young in particular, she realized that what having children would add to her and husband Michael Spencer’s life, would far outweigh what might be lost.

“The thing that really hit me, and I included this in the book, was seeing Steve Young (legendary NFL quarterback) retiring and him saying, ‘The thing I regret is my kids not being able to see me play,’ and his assistant coach saying, ‘You know what? It’s going to be nothing compared to seeing them play,’” Nikki recalled. “It’s so true and so accurate. I mean I always say that they’re my real accomplishments. They’re my real gold medal.”

Of course, Nikki is talking about her daughter Zali, who will turn four later this month, and her younger brother, Zealand, who joined the Stone/Spencer family in August of last year.

“It’s funny to think about the thing I worked my whole life at (winning a gold in the Olympics), and the thing that only one in a million accomplish, and I’m more proud and happier by the thing that everyone can accomplish,” Nikki admitted.

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Stone: Nikki Stone hanging with her two greatest accomplishments — Zali and Zealand — in Punta Mita, Mexico last November 2011.

But, like all mothers, Olympic champions or not, Nikki has faced her own challenges in raising her two young children. From finding the time to squeeze in exercise and curbing her own competitiveness when watching Zali participate in sports, to battling parenting differences with her spouse and instilling honorable values within her young children, Nikki struggles with how to do it all — and do it all well. In those moments, Nikki relies on her own internal voice and values instilled in her at the very young age of 5, when her mother first told her about the Turtle Effect.

“She explained to me that if I wanted to be successful, I needed to be soft on the inside, I had to have a hard shell, and I had to be willing to stick my neck out,” Nikki writes in “When Turtles Fly.”

That bit of maternal wisdom has served Nikki well in the past, and now it is shaping her life as a mom of two. Without realizing it, Nikki is always providing opportunities for daughter Zali to develop that soft inside (passion and focus) and tough outer shell (commitment, confidence, and the ability to overcome adversities), and she has seen Zali stick her neck out and take chances more than once.

From setting aside a piggy bank for charitable donations to organizations of Zali’s choosing, to letting her decide weather she will hit the slopes or gymnastic equipment like mom or pursue something entirely different altogether, Nikki is letting Zali find her own passion and soft inside, despite what pressures others may be trying to put on her.

“She needs to choose it all herself. I’m going to introduce her to everything. Everyone says I have her doing too many things … but I want her to do too many things, because I don’t want it to be something I chose,” Nikki said, later adding, “My concern is that everyone else is putting pressures on her that I’ve been trying not to. It doesn’t matter if she can’t do something. I’ve told her it’s OK. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it.”

But Nikki is no fool. She sees that hard outer shell developing around Zali already, and she has seen her daughter take risks and come out the other side victorious, so Nikki knows that she very well could be following in her own mother’s footsteps and watching her daughter pursue Olympic dreams in the future.

“She is me and I worry that when she is a teenager we are going to butt heads. … There are so many things that I see her doing that were me,” she said with a laugh, and adding that she grateful to have Zali’s mellow counterpart, Zealand, though at 8 months old he is already showing his parents his athletic side.

So, sometime begrudgingly, Nikki steps back and let’s Zali take the risks, and she will do the same with Zealand.

“I don’t worry like some parents if she’s up on a wall and people say, ‘Oh, she’s going to   hurt herself.’ She’s not going to hurt herself that badly,” Nikki said. “I mean I worry about being by a pool or her being off in a store alone, the extremely dangerous things. But for her to feel a little freedom herself and to feel like she’s sticking her neck out herself, it’s valuable to have those things.”

“Zali came to see me in a wheelchair basketball gam. It was a fundraiser,” Nikki said.

According to Nikki, Zali told her she was scared to go because she didn’t think her mom was going to do well and then her team didn’t win.

“It was more important for me that she saw that more than anything else, because I had such a good time and it was a fundraiser and it was a great fun event,” Nikki said. “I didn’t get one basket in, and I didn’t care. I want her to see that that’s OK, too. As long as you are making an effort and working for a good cause, that’s what’s most important.”

Nikki also believes, although difficult to put into practice at times, it is important to teach her kids (and in turn, herself) not to take life so seriously all the time. From being late from time to time to give her children the extra time needed “to do something myself” to allowing them to make a mess in the kitchen, Nikki realizes that sometimes “you just have to let that stuff go.”

“I have to let them have fun,” she said. “I have to let them not be so serious about stuff.”

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Stone: Nikki and husband, Michael Spencer, had fun with daughter Zali and son Zealand after the Color Me Rad race held in Utah last weekend on April 28, in which Zali competed in her first 5K.

And though Nikki finds time to have fun, craft, attend playgroups, and spend quality time with her children, in between traveling to speaking engagements, writing, spending time with her husband, and maintaing her amazing athletic physique (see photo below borrowed from her Huffington post blog), even she admits that despite her stellar ability to multitask (i.e. workout on the elliptical, browse and answer e-mails, and tend to a sleeping baby in the carrier on her back all at the same time), even Nikki Stone can “get lost at times.”

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Stone

“I was thinking about it yesterday. If you had told my daughter that you were going to do an interview with me because I was a Renaissance Mom, she’d be like ‘No, she’s not,” Nikki said. “I have my bad moments, too, and it’s OK.

“I think a Renaissance Mom is the same thing as the top athletes — they’re not the ones who don’t fail, they just keep picking themselves up. I think the most important aspect (of parenting) is that it’s OK to make mistakes, we just have to learn from them.”

Nikki lives in Park City Utah with her husband Michael Spencer, and two children Zali and Zealand. Learn more about Nikki on her website at nikkistone.com. Nikki’s book “When Turtles Fly” can be purchased online at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and Borders.

Recently my daughter has turned my on to NBC’s  ”The Biggest Loser.” I watched John Rhode drop 220 pounds to become the Season 12 winner, and this season I have tuned in to watch the season of “No Excuses.”

Each week I curl up on the couch, usually with a glass of wine, a snack, or maybe dinner, and watch the contestants suffer through Bob and Dolvet’s insane workouts, and think, “How the hell can they do that?” I don’t know if I could make it through five minutes of one of their workouts and I don’t have 100-plus pounds to lose, besides the fact that the list of excuses they are working their way through each week have all been used on more than one occasion by yours truly.

I found my answer to that question as I read Chapter 4 of Nikki Stone’s book which focuses on the theme of commitment.

“I don’t think most people truly understand all they themselves can accomplish until they develop their hard shell of commitment,” Nikki writes.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have always had the soft inner core consisting of passion for everything and anything I do, that Nikki talks about in earlier chapters of “When Turtles Fly,” but it is the components that make up that hard outer shell — focus, commitment, and the ability to overcome adversity — in which I am often lacking.

Growing up I was a three sport competitive athlete. I played soccer, I swam, and played softball. I always earned a starting position on the teams I played for, and won various awards and regional honors in the sports I played. But I always fell short of being at the very top of my game. There was always someone out there who wanted it a little bit more. Someone who saw their training go beyond the end of a season.

I on the other hand, played soccer in the fall, and softball in the spring. The only exception to participating in a sport beyond the scheduled season was swimming, because it was pretty much a year round sport, so I swam in the winter, and then sometimes in the fall or summer. But in college my commitment and focus for the sport began in October and ended after Division III NCAA championships in March. I didn’t have the focus or commitment necessary to continue my training into the summer months and during school breaks, which is why that national title always alluded me each March even though I was always ranked in the Top 3 going into the National Championship meet.

My coach took a lot of the blame for my failure at nationals. She claimed that in four years of training me she never quite figured out how to taper me to have a good state meet AND still excel at the national meet a month later.

It is only now, nearly eighteen years later, I can admit, that her focus and commitment to my success probably had very little, if anything, to do with my poor performances at Nationals each year.

There is no doubt the contestants on “The Biggest Loser” know what it is like to be focused and committed, and when either of those begin to wane they have people on campus to remind them of what they are there to do and the end goal. Ironically, one of those people has been Nikki. She has had the privilege to work with some of the contestants on the show, and I can see why.

When I began to read through this her Chapter 4 with stories from successful people such as Hollywood cinematographer George Koblasa, NFL quarterback Steve Young, Celebrity Chef Todd English, Boston Pops conductor Keith Lockhart, child entrepreneur and philanthropist Ryan Hreljac, and CEO and founder of 1-800-GOT-JUNK Brian Scudamore, I couldn’t help but admire their perseverance and courage in following through with a goal and/or dream, even if at the time it seemed absolutely unattainable.

As I worked through the activities provided at the end of each commitment story, I couldn’t help but be reminded of my own lack of focus and commitment to one specific goal that has been haunting me since I became a mother almost thirteen years ago. It has to do with maintaining a healthy weight and regaining my athletic physique. I don’t want to be a supermodel, nor do I expect to workout to the extreme that I did in college — 4-6 hours a day in the pool, plus an additional 1-1.5 hours of dryland training. I just wanted to be tone again, and to be able to walk up stairs, and play a game of soccer in the backyard with my kids without feeling my heart and respiration rates begin to increase so dramatically, that I feel as if I’m going to keel over. OK, the stairs don’t exactly make me feel like that, but running around for 10 minutes in a friend’s neighbor’s yard to chase lose chickens back into their coop had me coughing, wheezing and vomiting, and that is just SAD!!

So as I worked through Nikki’s activities for commitment I focused on my goal of becoming healthier and, in return, happier through working my way to becoming an athlete again. You won’t see me tackling any 10Ks or entering myself in an Iron Man in the future, but hopefully with the help of Nikki’s book and this blog I will be able to see a considerable transformation of myself — body, heart, and soul — and perhaps that will inspire other mom’s out there to do the same.

An excerpt from Nikki’s Tools for Success section of Chapter 4 — Commitment:

“People always talk about starting a commitment tomorrow, next week, or sometime down the road. Stop the “I’ll do it tomorrow” game. Where is that really going to get you? Why won’t you choose today to commit to a task or a project or an undertaking? They say what you do today will predict your future. If this was true, what would you do today?

My answer: I am starting my commitment to developing a healthy, happy, lifestyle by beginning my new blog feature “The Mommy Body Transformation Project.” My tips for working and stay-at-home mom’s will be posted each Sunday along with a real-life account of  how I  am staying committed to my weight loss, exercise, and eating goals while still juggling parenthood and all that entails.

Day 3 did not provide many opportunities for me to try out my Yes Mom mentality because the day was already one great big YES to my kid’s individual interests.

We had set up two field trips: one to a thoroughbred horse farm for Kenna, Shea, Mom and I, the other, a full-day fishing trip for Max, Mark and my dad.

CHASIN’ A DREAM THOROUGHBRED FARM, OCALA

CRYSTAL RIVER INSHORE FISHING TRIP WITH CAPT. RON

It seems Shea disagreed, telling us that day that he hated both fishing and horses. Too bad!

My two Yeses at the farm that day were in response to Shea’s requests for snacks, and to go in the car because he was bored. This little 10-year-old was being a great big twit so definitely YES! You’re ruining our good time.

Perhaps his Yes Day will come when we head to Universal Studios in Orlando and spend time with some of his favorite friends Harry Potter, Spider Man, The Incredible Hulk …

The only other opportunity to say, “Yes” came that evening to Max’s request for me to go play pickleball. I said, “Yes,” and Mark, Max, Kenna, Shea and I enjoyed a rousing game of The Villages favorite pastime.

Day 4

But the next day I was craving some time to read my easy beach read that I had only just browsed because I made myself read my blog-related reading first. With “Yes Man” finished and the next Chapter of “When Turtles Fly” ready for me to put its contents on the page and send it into the blogosphere, I could turn my attention to Kristin Hannah‘s “On Mystic Lake.” Well, in theory I could.

But the kids were antsy, especially Max, and I feared a question would be asked that would bring me off the lanai, and out to play. I just wanted one day to myself, to immerse myself in the pages of Annie and Nick’s love affair, and to watch Izzy emerge from her traumatic past unscathed.

I got a chapter or two in, and then it came. “Are you we going to go running today?” Max asked.

The temperature had risen to a piping hot 85 degrees, and I was sweating just sitting there reading, but my Yes Experiment required me to say, “Yes,” to him. What could I do? My insides were screaming “No, freakin’ way!” But instead I said, “Yes, a little later.”

That seemed to appease Max and he went off to watch TV, and soon forgot about me — for the entire day! It got me thinking that maybe I was on to something. I could say yes, and possibly still get to do what I wanted. I know, it really wasn’t in the spirit of Yes Mom, but the book was so damn good. If only I could have the day to finish it.

A few other opportunities arose throughout the day where I employed my delayed Yes tactics, and before I knew it I was engrossed in the fictitious world of Mystic, Washington, and by the end of the night I had almost finished the entire 404 pages.

I had found a loophole, and for one vacation day I was able to say, “Yes,” to me! How selfish!

Hey all you parent’s out there I have a question for you. How many times a day do you say the word NO? Be honest, it’s a pretty big number isn’t it? Afterall, our children need guidance and what better way to give it to them than by inundating them “No”s?

“No honey, you can’t stuff Cheerios up your nose.”

“Um please, no fluff on the dog, she doesn’t like being sticky.”

or

“Nope, probably not a good idea to chuck that rock at your sister’s head.”

When I began counting up my daily “No” responses recently I honestly couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t saying it.

“Mom, do you want to go on the trampoline with me?”  “No.”

“Mom can I go over Kyle’s house after school?” “No.”

“Mom can you help me with this math assignment?” (Probably not. That seventh grade math is hard!) So …  “No.“

“Mom, can I tie up my brother on that tree and use him for target practice with my bow?” Yeah, that would be a resounding and very appropriate use of “NO.”

I soon began to wonder, did I ever say, “Yes”? Questioning my infatuation with “No” and the effect it was having on my life, came about after catching a few minutes of the “Yes Man” starring Jim Carrey and Zoey Deschanel. It sparked a memory of a long ago conversation with a British traveler in Mexico.

My friend and I had taken a much-needed “Girls Trip” to Cancun, where we spent the majority of our days lounging beachside and drinking frozen piña coladas with shots of dark rum on top. Yum! One day we ventured into one of the two pools at the resort and struck up a conversation with a scrawny Brit with thinning black hair, and eyelashes that went on forever.

He was a 20-something who had been traveling for quite a few months, and was nearing the end of his tour with a stop in Mexico and then a brief trip to Las Vegas, before heading back home to England to begin a new job.

I don’t know if he adopted us or we adopted him, but he spent the last few days of his Mexican “vacaciones” tagging along with us to dinner and the beach, and he became quite fond of our frozen concoctions.

One day on the beach we were talking about various books we had read, and this man-boy told us about a book he had recently read about a man who spent several months saying “Yes” to any opportunity he was presented with. I couldn’t help but wonder years later as I sat in my living room watching Jim Carrey buy a penis patch because a spam e-mail asked him if he wanted something bigger and he answered “Yes” with the click of the mouse, if this movie was based on the book I had wanted to read, but never did get around to reading.

A quick Google search confirmed my suspicions. “Yes Man” the movie was based on the book of the same name, by Danny Wallace. I bought the book on my Kindle a few weeks ago in between games at a basketball tournament, and I have slowly been working my way through the book, in between blogging, writing my young adult novel, “momming,” and reading Nikki Stone‘s “When Turtles Fly.”

It’s pretty crazy stuff. Mr. Wallace began his “Yes experiment” with the intentions of saying “yes” to everything for 24-hours. It began by him saying “yes” to a whole lot of spam e-mail including the penis patch, and a request by the son of a murdered sultan to help him move a whole lot of money out of his native country in return for a very large profit for Danny-boy, if only he would give the man his bank account number.

The 24-hour experiment went so well and opened Wallace up to so many new experiences that he extended his 24-hours of yes to a week, and then for an entire year

As I read about this young, single, Londoner’s days filled with evenings out with friends he couldn’t say no to, experimentation with drugs, new career opportunities presented simply because he said “Yes” I began to acknowledge that I myself could use a healthy dose of “Yes.” Not because I had a sudden urge to do drugs (I would still be “Just Saying NO” to that), but because I seemed to be missing out on a whole lot of opportunities to bond with my kids, and sooner than I would like to admit, these opportunities may not even be an option.

I began to visualize my own Yes Experiment, and what that would mean to my children, my husband, and me. It could be interesting.

My children were old enough so I wasn’t worried about them putting something poisonous in their mouths, or sticking their fingers in electrical outlets if I didn’t say “No.” And they were still young enough to so the values they had learned in DARE and from us still were ingrained deeply in their heads, so I wasn’t afraid that they would be lighting up a joint or chugging brews in the back field if I didn’t say “No.” And we were getting ready to go on a 10-day vacation so that seemed to be the perfect time to begin my own “Yes experiment,” and suck every bit of yes-induced fun out of our trip and family togetherness.

Yes, that’s what I would do. From the time reached the airport to begin our 10-day excursion to the time we stepped on the plane that would take us home again, I would immerse my self in “Yes.” I would become the “Yes Woman,” or better yet, I would be “Yes, Mom.”

Easier said than done. Within the first 15-minutes of being at the airport I was beginning to wonder if this experiment was such a good idea.

TO BE CONTINUED ….

Chapter 3 in Nikki Stone‘s “When Turtles Fly: Secrets of Successful People Who Know How to Stick Their Necks Out” is all about Focus. It’s about learning how to create that hard shell to help ward off distractions that might cause you to lose focus on your goals and dreams, and what it takes to reach them.

As I mentioned yesterday, this chapter struck a chord with me, because it has been that lack of focus that has kept me from reaching my fullest potential in many areas of my life. Anyone who knows me will tell you that passion is definitely not something I am lacking. Everything I do or begin I do with gusto, and excitement, and I always approach it like it is the next best thing, be it a book idea, a PTO project, a fundraiser, a new club, or parenting strategy.  But my energy for whatever that project is quickly starts to wane. I see the hurdles as too big. I realize the time commitment is more than I expected, or I just become uninterested in what I was doing because I’ve already moved on to something bigger and better. I lose focus, and the project ends up falling flat, never quite gets any momentum behind it, or simply never gets started. It’s been like this with nearly everything I’ve ever done in my life, and a few examples truly stick out in my mind.

First there was my swimming career.

Me at Brown University for New England YMCA Championships at age 8. My main competition that year? Olympic gold medalist Jenny Thompson.

I began swimming competitively at age five, and by the time I was eight I was one of the top swimmers in New England, with a pile of highpoint trophies to show for it. I counted Olympic swimmer Jenny Thompson as some of my biggest competition in those days, and we would match up each year at Brown Universityin Rhode Island for the New England championships.

As I got older, the competition got steeper, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that I  was a small fish in very large pond, and if I was going to go anywhere with this whole swimming thing then I was going to have to work a lot harder, and train a lot more often.

But I was a three sport athlete, and most passionate about soccer. So after I entered high school, swimming took a backseat to soccer in the fall, and I wouldn’t dip my toes into the small 20-yard pool in my hometown until winter. As soon as western Mass. championships was over I’d move into softball season, and possibly not touch the pool again until winter. That was enough to be competitive in western Massachusetts, and even throughout the state, but that was it.

Opening ceremonies at the Massachusetts Bay State Games when I was about 12 years old.

I remember one summer in high school between my freshman and sophomore years, I was given the opportunity with a few other top swimmers in my area, to join an AAU team out of Williams College. The coach had just moved to the area from California, and he had chosen some of the best local swimming talent in our area to train with him. That summer I never trained so hard. We had early morning practices. We were introduced to some dryland training, and we even became aware of the effects of eating a more balanced diet on our swimming. We swam all over New England that summer and I began to feel a passion for the sport again that had been lacking for a number of years.

Sometime during that summer I met up again with Jenny Thompson in Dover, New Hampshire where she trained at the Seacoast Swim Club. We were both entered in the 200 freestyle event. By that time Jenny had already entered the national swimming circuit and was just getting a few competitions under her belt before heading off to the Pan Am games that summer where she ended up taking home a gold and bronze. I knew I didn’t have a chance of beating, but it was exciting to see my old rival, and see how far we’d both come. We said “Hello,” maybe even shook hands, I don’t remember, and climbed the blocks to our starting positions. “Swimmers, take your mark,” the starter said, and then the gun went off signaling the race had begun.

Olympic gold medalist swimmer Jenny Thompson

I started off strong, but once she hit the water Jenny was nowhere in sight. I knew she must be in front of me, but could she have gotten that far ahead already? She was a fast freestyler and a national competitor, and freestyle was not my favorite, and I hadn’t competed outside New England so that was understandable, but then I took my first turn into the wall and saw her. As I pushed off the wall I lifted my head and scanned the water for Jenny two lanes over. I knew I should have been streamlining but I couldn’t resist seeing how far ahead she was, and if I was anywhere near her. Hey, I could dream! Just as I was about to break the surface I caught a glimpse of her, almost ready to complete her second 50 meters. Damn! I knew she’d kick my butt, but seriously, how could our swimming careers have taken such a different path in only five or so years? But that wasn’t the worst of it. Jenny was nearly 50-meters ahead of me, and she wasn’t even swimming freestyle. She was swimming breaststroke, which I don’t think I ever saw her swim again in any national competitions or Olympic games. She probably considered it one of her worst strokes. Ugh!

Now a more focused person, might have used this as motivation to continue training with this top-notch coach. I might not make it to the Olympics, but I could at least train hard enough to become a top-notch college Division I or II swimmer. But I didn’t, because I could only see how far I had to go to get there, and that not only scared me, it completely defeated me. The next summer Steve had moved away, but he invited a few of us to go train with him in Arizona. Two people chose to go. I opted out! One of those swimmers was my brother-in-law who became one of the top Division II swimmers in the nation, still holding records to this day, and qualifying for Olympic trials in 1992 (too bad it was a week after the trials.)

Stories like this have haunted me all through my life academically, athletically, and career-wise. I watched one of my best friends win a National Championship in college, as I sat on the sidelines struggling because, though I was always ranked in the Top 3 in a few events each year, no matter how hard I tried most years I couldn’t even make it into the Top 8 in my individual events. From the time she came in third in the 100 backstroke the year before, my friend had never lost focus of that gold trophy. The difference between she and I though, was that she saw all the steps she had to take to get to that gold medal, whereas I just saw that gold trophy. And that is how I have lived my life, always looking at the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and never completely focusing on the steps needed to get there.

I’ve thought about what will happen once I finish my young adult novel, but I haven’t scheduled at set time to sit down and write that novel, so very little has gotten done. I have thought of building a successful Website here at Renaissance Mom, but initially I didn’t consider the steps and focus it would take to get there. I want to get back in shape, but I want to be able to workout like the athlete I used to be instead of the out-of-shape mother of three that I am now. I could go on, but I think many of us can relate to same stories of being defeated by the looking at the end result, instead of beginning the first small steps to get there.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

In Chapter 3 Nikki shares stories of Focus from Olympic champions Nadia Comaneci and Summer Sanders. I read about best-selling author Dr. Stephen Covey’s ability to  direct his focus on people and change, and how that led him to be chosen as one of Time Magazine‘s most influential Americans in 1996, and one of Sales and Marketing Management Top 25 power brokers, among other successes. And then there is “home staging” guru Barb Schwartz, who through a number health problems, has never lost focus on what it she was put on this Earth to do, she has never lost focus of her passion for staging. But the story that struck home for me most in this chapter, was Nikki’s own story of spending two much time focusing on the bigger picture, and not on the steps it took to get there. It cost her a place in the Olympic finals in the 1994 games, and ultimately cost her a gold medal, and the title of becoming the first woman ever to win an Olympic gold in aerial freestyle skiing. Nikki learned from that mistake, and went on to win the Olympic gold in 1998 and a host of other world titles. I, on the other hand, have only learned this lesson through reading Nikki’s book.

Activities to help practice FOCUS:

1. Focus on that first step: For me that meant finally getting Chapter 1 out of my head and into a word document. I’m approximately 900-words into it and pretty proud.
2. Talk to others about their goals and the steps they took to get there: I didn’t ask people, but I started looking back at people in my life who I admired, and recalled the steps I had seen them take to reach their goals. I would love to hear about your journey here! So comment away
3. Complete a task as well as you can without looking for others approval: No one has seen my first chapter yet, except me, and I’m liking it.
4. Get rid of the emotional clutter: For me that clutter involves all the could have, should have, would haves in my life. This week I put that all aside, and began doing what I could to achieve my goals right now!

I planned to blog about my thoughts on Focus today as they relate to the stories I’ve been reading about, and the activities I’ve been partaking in courtesy à la Nikki Stone via her book “When Turtles Fly.” But an unexpected change of events yesterday led me to switch my focus (which happens a lot, and you will find in my post on that subject, once I finally write it, that that is part of the reason my Passions never quite reach their potential).

So now I’m bringing you a completely different post about 24 amazing kids from a local elementary school. Being flexible is part of the gig when you’re blogging and following, so just roll with me.

This week, my days have centered around blogging, working on my young adult novel, and finding a summer wardrobe for my extremely picky, and opinionated daughter on all things shorts-related. (I still think she might be my sister’s daughter, because shopping for her is much more of an ordeal than it ever has been for me, and that was, and still is my sister to a “T”.) So after several trips back and forth to TJMaxx, Walmart, and Aeropostale this week to buy, return, buy and return agin, I think we have finally found something she will wear, and her rear-end won’t be hanging out to boot. Yay!

As I wrapped up my shopping escapade, and steered my car in the direction of the grocery store I was suddenly overcome with intense, nauseating pains in my lower abdomen, and I knew right away the only place I was heading was home! By the time I got there I was pale, had a kicking migraine, and the pain still hadn’t subsided. So I grabbed my favorite blanket and hit the couch, making the decision to call my doctor and schedule the surgery for an endometrial ablation that I had been putting off your years soon.

Just as I was dosing off, the phone rang. I thought about ignoring it, but I’m always afraid someone might be calling from school, so I unfolded myself from the fetal position and rolled over to check the caller id. Now usually, the numbers on the screen are 866 or 888 or 800 numbers quickly revealing that the identity of the caller on the other end is most likely a telemarketer. Or sometimes they’ll try to disguise their generic number by putting it on the privacy setting, but those go unanswered, too, and anyone who knows me knows I don’t answer those either. If I don’t answer my home phone and it is someone I know, they’ll call back on my cell. If I don’t answer then, I don’t feel like talking to you. Get the hint!

But the number on the caller id yesterday was none of the above salespersons, philanthropic organizations, or timeshare sellers that usually interrupt one’s perfectly good afternoon nap. It was my son’s elementary school. Oh please don’t be sick!

I hit the talk button and answered with a tentative “Hello?”

“Mom?” a familiar 10-year-old voice asked from the other end of the line.

“Yes, Shea?” what other woman would he expect to be answering the phone in the middle of the day.

“Um, I just realized that you can come watch me perform today,” he shared. Shea was performing in his school’s version of American Idol, and I had only found out that morning that it was that day, because two minutes before he walked out the door he asked if I could download the instrumental version of  Gym Class Heroes’ “Stereo Hearts” for him. Playing the part of the unsympathetic mommy and in the mood to teach a lesson about the consequences of procrastination that morning (ironic seeing that I’m the master of the procrastination craft), I said “No,” and he walked out the door with a shrug and the usual “Have a good day, mom!” I suck.

In retrospect, I was just being a little lazy and selfish yesterday morning and didn’t want my morning coffee time interrupted, and I could have downloaded it, let him run through it once and then driven him to school, but Mark was on his way out the door and … Anyway.

Maybe a better mommy would have done that, but I didn’t, so when the pathetic voice on the other end of the phone was pretty much asking me to come to his performance, guilt overwhelmed me. I could almost see him big brown puppy-dog eyes looking at me pleading with me to say, “yes,” throwing in the batting of those super thick eyelashes for effect.

“What time is it?” I inquired, suppressing a sigh of resignation.

“In five minutes,” he said. Seriously? But before I was able to spit out some lame excuse, and tell him that I didn’t feel well, he added, “But I’m sixth so you have time to get here.”

“Ok buddy,” I said, the guilt working its way into my gut, right next to the uterine pain. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

I quickly called Mark and gave him the message, and he agreed to meet me at the school. I pulled into the school parking lot seven minutes later, and was awarded with a great big hug from Shea in front of the whole school when I entered the gymnasium, just seconds before the whole affair began. But that wasn’t the only reward I received when I decided to attend the school’s Idol performance featuring 24 brave fourth- and fifth-graders from the school’s chorus.

From the time the first group of three girls finished their rendition of Taylor Swift’s “Love Story,” I knew I was in for a real treat (and there is absolutely NO sarcasm in that statement, honest)!

These kids were talented! One by one they got up in front of 400 or so of their fellow schoolmates, and approximately 25 of their parents, and sang either an a cappella version of one of today’s popular teeny bopper-loved songs or, like the first group, they were joined by an instrumental version which streamed through two large speakers parked in front of the audience, and out into the audience.

These kids, though they told me afterwards they were nervous, did not look it at all. One by one they made their way to the microphone introduced themselves and then belted out their songs, most of them in tune. Some chose to perform solo, others brought friends and/or siblings along for support.

A couple of my favorites included, of course, the above mentioned “Love Story” singers, but I was also blown away by one performers a capella version of Christina Aguilara’s ”Beautiful.” I wish I had recorded it and tracked her family down to get permission to post it, because this girl can really sing, and could seriously do something with that talent someday.

Another noteworthy pair were the fourth-grade twin sisters who sang “Who Says” by Selena Gomez. “Wow!” I have seen these girls grow up alongside my son since kindergarten, always smiling and greeting me when I see them, and I never knew!! And yet again, no video here for me to show you.

Then there was my son, Shea. We were so proud of him. He walked out to that makeshift stage at the front of the school’s gym exuding confidence, and introduced himself. I sat their awaiting the music to cue his start, knowing the music teacher wouldn’t let him down like his mother had that morning, but to my surprise he began singing a cappella. And he wasn’t bad at all. The song is a little hard in a capella, like all of them, but man can that kid rap, attitude and hand gestures included. Way to go Shea!

Those kids sang with a passion. The same passion I had in fourth-grade when I got up in front of an audience of my peers and our parents and belted out “Tomorrow” in my auburn, curly “Annie” wig and red sundress. You could see it in their smiles, and the way they greeted their admirers after the entire performance was over, those kids knew they had just accomplished something great!

I hope they hold onto that, and I hope the adults in their lives continue to encourage them in their pursuits as they did yesterday, be it in the area of academics, athletics, the performing arts, and beyond. These kids are talented and brave, and could teach all of us a lesson about “feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.” I know they left me with a few things to think about.

**Side Note: I have that book somewhere “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway,” by Susan Jeffers. Maybe I’ll include that in my Good Reads section of this blog.

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For the last couple of weeks I’ve been in a funk. Feeling down, reevaluating what I want from life, and basically trying to remember what I’m passionate about. Not one to sit around for long, I took this blog and starting writing, and researching, trying to learn something and finding ways to put me in a more positive frame of reference so I could continue on my creative and personal journey, and figure out “what I wanted to be when I grew up.” So I believe it is no coincidence that when I needed it most I decided to open Olympic Gold Medalists Nikki Stone‘s book “When Turtles Fly” and start reading, not really knowing what awaited me inside …

On May 1, I will be featuring Nikki in a new monthly series on my blog Renaissance Moms. Since I plan to focus my interview with Nikki on her success as a mom, business woman, aerial skier and more, I don’t know how much of that interview will focus directly on the actual book (thought I definitely will touch on it), so I thought I would dedicate some time to the “When Turtles Fly” on the pages of my blog by documenting my journey through its 276 pages.

The book is broken into seven main sections: passion, focus, commitment, overcoming adversities, confidence, risk, teamwork/support. Each section is filled with stories of accomplished athletes, businessmen/women, philanthropist and more, followed by an exercise for the reader courtesy of Ms. Nikki Stone.

PASSION

“If you don’t develop a passion for what you do, you won’t be able to vault any of the other hurdles (in your life).” ~ Nikki Stone

According to Nikki, that passion I’ve been looking for comes from one’s “soft inside.” In order to find my passion I’ll have to dig deep inside to that soft, mushy, stuff within, and remember what it is I love!

As I immersed myself in the stories of Lindsay Vonn, Chet Huber, Johann Koss, Michael Lynch, and William “Bing” Gordon, I became inspired by their passions for skiing, driver safety, speed skating and philanthropy, the Olympics, and Electronic Arts. I began to feel the fire within reignite as I scrolled through my list of lifetime passions in my mind, and became excited to continue reading.

Do things you hate first

The first task I encountered was to come up with a list of five things I didn’t like to do, and tackle those tasks before 11 a.m. Being the procrastinator that I am, there was plenty to add to that list, but I focused on five:

1. Exercising: I love being fit, I hate doing what it takes to get there because starting again after being so athletic in my youth is the hard.

2. Beginning/completing my writing assignment surrounding my young adult novel: I think the fear of possible writer’s block is resulting in creating the block itself.

3. Laundry: In a family of five it accumulates fast, and I detest the chore, especially the folding and putting away.

4. Grocery shopping: I’m not a fan of any type of shopping so I put this off for as long as can, and then my meals for dinner often fall short, because I lack the necessary ingredients to create something new.

5. Cooking dinner: I love cooking, I hate figuring out what’s for dinner. If I have the groceries I need, then planning dinners can be easy and I can get them started in the a.m. so I’m not dreading the 4 p.m. “stop everything” time of day to figure it all out.

I began implementing some of these changes yesterday, and taking Nikki’s suggestion to do what I hate first. Dinner was planned and meat was marinating by 10 a.m. I still didn’t grocery shop, but I did get my Easter shopping done which is always left for the last minute. I began my blog, but realizing that it’s something I love and can do at anytime of day or night, so I decided that I would write my blogs in the afternoon or evening from now on (and my readers will get the blog posts the next morning, probably earlier than they would usually). That leaves room to get my novel writing done in the morning, enjoy my coffee with my husband before he leaves for work, and then do the dreaded exercise thing afterward, with a new twist. I decided to mix it up a little too and involve Murph in the process, because I am passionate about him, so maybe working out with Murph would help make me passionate about getting fit! Laundry, well, it’ll get done when it get’s done.

Positive Thoughts

The next activity required some help so I had to wait for my husband to get home to help me. Nikki asked me to to look at my attitude and see how it was affecting my productivity, how it could affect my ability to tap into my passions.

The activity required me to hold my arms out to the side and think of something really depressing. That was easy with the death of my father-in-law and grandfather still pretty fresh. I threw the death of a couple of my beloved dogs in their for good measure and had Mark push my arms down while I tried to resist. They went down.

Next I had to do the activity again but only think of things that inspire me and bring me joy and happiness. Again, easy — our upcoming vacation, my kids, my husband, writing, the lake, Murphy, and the list went on. Mark pushed again, again my arms went down. I don’t think that was exactly the intention of the exercise, but I got the point:

Positive, happy, inspiring thoughts = more energy, more productivity, more passion, more success.

Negative, self-defeating, sad thoughts = giving up, no energy, no motivation, no passion, limited success.

Look at your acheivements

Next up, Nikki told me to look at my achievements and write down my top five. She said that many of those achievements would line up with the things I love. I thought about that for a while, and found that list came pretty easily, too:

• Being a multiple time All-American and state-championship swimmer in college.

•  Having my children and being a mom.

And the winner is ...

• Moving up in that job fairly quickly to become a Special Sections editor, and then an Assistant editor.
• Quitting my job at that same newspaper 4 1/2 years later to pursue other writing opportunities.
• Beginning my blog.
• Designing my son’s bedroom renovation, and seeing it come to fruition
• Seeing my artwork displayed on my grandmothers apartment walls as a middle-schooler.
• Graduating from college with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Creative Writing, and from a Masters Degree Program with a Masters in Social Work.

Nikki said that if you look closely at that list of accomplishments many of them will align with what you love, what you’re passionate about. And she was pretty right on!

Remember your childhood dreams

Looking at my list, I realized that many of my greatest accomplishments occurred when I was in fourth grade (I also mastered the Rubix cube that year). I believe a lot of that had to do with my teacher Miss Winters, because out of all my years in school I can still remember nearly everything we did in that classroom! We put on skits in Spanish. We had a Halloween “scavenger” hunt where you had to complete some task (some Halloween math sheets, a craft, write a Halloween-themed story, etc.) before you could move onto the next creepy location — a haunted forest, a graveyard, and other truly Halloween-y venues until you landed at the Haunted House at the end of the trail. So much fun!

We did book reports in front of our classmates, and we put on a full-scale musical of “Annie” that I had written on my grandmother’s old typewriter for fun while she and my parents played cards one night. Miss Winters worked with my on cleaning it up, and she included me in picking the cast. I wanted to cast my friend Michele as Annie, an obvious choice as her hair was red and she could sing as well as the rest of us, but Miss Winters insisted I give it a try. What an incredible teacher, and I believe she had a lot to do with helping to create my passion for writing that still exists today!

My childhood dreams consisted of writing and performing and being creative. For a while I also wanted to be an Olympic swimmer, but that passion was never as strong as my desire to be creative and write. I remember wanting to perform and sing so badly that I begged my parents to leave a swim meet in Rhode Island when I was 8 or 9 so I could go audition for “Annie” in New York City. That never happened, but I remember being so angry because I truly believed I could do it, and couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just up and leave everything and swing on over to NYC. What would have happened if they had? What did I learn because it hadn’t?

I also wanted to be able to write like Dr. Seuss. I still know "Green Eggs and Ham" by heart!

 Reinvent yourself or change your routine

This whole blog has been about reinventing myself by finding exploring all aspects of my “real” self. I’ve been trying new things, and tapping into my passion for writing, and connecting with people, and I am loving every minute of it. I am so excited everyday to sit down in front of my laptop, and figure out what I am going to blog about that day. I am never at a loss for ideas, and I have never experienced writers block.

I continually change my routine, because I get bored with the same old, same old, and I think that is definitely a must-have component of whatever I decide to do with the rest of my life.

So armed with Nikki’s advice, I woke up this morning 5:30 a.m., hit the snooze for a while, but headed downstairs and browsed the Web for a while (procrastinator!), but I didn’t settle down and begin my first Chapter of my young adult novel with 461 words written pages by the time Mark joined me for coffee. Then I chatted a relaxed about our plans for the day, and sat down to complete this post. Now I’m off to exercise Murph, and myself, by hiking with a friend, and then onto benefiting from some more of Nikki’s wisdom in the pages of her book.

I wonder if I can keep this up. It seemed to work today, and I feel like I’ve accomplished so much already today and it’s only 8:15. That can’t be a bad thing at all!

Next up: FOCUS! Ugh … this should be interesting.

Related articles

• What Do You Mean by Following Your Passion? (itakeoffthemask.com)
• Get ready for Nikki Stone! (renaissance-mom.com)

“She explained to me that if I wanted to be successful, I needed to be soft on the inside, I had to have a hard shell, and I had to be willing to stick my neck out.” — Nikki Stone

Last week upon returning from The Villages I found a package in my mailbox from Olympic gold medalist, author, motivational/inspirational speaker and fellow-Union grad Nikki Stone. There was no guessing as to what was inside the thick white envelope, and I tore into the package as I made my way down my dirt road. (Note to readers: Don’t try this on your own! I almost ran off the road twice, and hit a mud pit so big I had to have an alignment done on my car this week.) But it was worth it. Inside the package was my much anticipated copy of Nikki’s book “When Turtles Fly: Secrets of Successful People Who Know How to Stick Their Necks Out.”

The book is filled with stories of successful people — Tommy Hilfiger, Shaun White, Steve Young, Nadia Comaneci, Prince Albert of Monaco, Lindsey Vonn, Todd English, Summer Sanders, and Stephen Covey, etc. — and documents their paths to success using strategies similar to Nikki’s mom’s “Turtle Effect” philosophy that led to Nikki’s own successes.

My goal is to have this read within the next week so I can schedule my interview with Nikki and bring you all the inspirational story of this fellow Renaissance Mom. So stay tuned!

Speed-skating champion Bonnie Blair has always been an athlete I’ve looked up to. Over the years, I’ve gotten to know her quite well as a friend and colleague, and my respect for her has only grown. One lesson I’ve learned from Bonnie is that the journey is much more important than the end result. We were once talking about the greatest contest each of us had faced. Most people would assume that hers had to do with winning one of her five Olympic gold medals in speed-skating. But not Bonnie. She told me she’s most proud of a competition where she finished in fourth place. At that important event, she made key improvements that helped set the stage for many of her future accomplishments…including her five Olympic gold medals.

We need to learn to live in the moment and concentrate on what we have control over. And that’s the process, not the end results. For example, we can’t control someone else’s  impression of our work; we can only control what we produce.

Try to complete a task or project today as well as you can – without looking at others for approval. Can you bring something to fruition without worrying about the outcome? If you feel you have to see your “results”, compare them to your own past efforts rather than to what someone else has achieved.

Remember, we can’t control someone else’s process, only our own.

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All photos taken at the Di Lemme Why Warrior Event in Florida February 2012
Nikki Stone and her Gold Medal – Extraordinary Speaker, Amazing Champion!

]]> http://farkash.wordpress.com/2012/03/14/integrity-honesty-and-a-win-win-mentality/ Thu, 15 Mar 2012 02:55:37 +0000 Farkash http://farkash.wordpress.com/2012/03/14/integrity-honesty-and-a-win-win-mentality/ The 3rd Alternative
- Stephen Covey

Becoming a 3rd Alternative Negotiator

Seeing Myself

To move to a 3rd Alternative mind-set, we must first see ourselves differently. We are no longer product pushers (hagglers). We no longer ring up the client and say, “I’ve got a new and improved whatsit – want to take look?” Instead we’re constantly looking for new ways to help clients succeed at the job they’re trying to do.

You often hear that it’s important to negotiate from a position of strength. Usually, that means to be in some power position in relation to the other party. To me, it means something quite different. Regardless of my power relation to the other party, I negotiate from a position of strength only when I have integrity, honesty, and a win-win mentality on my side. One who negotiates using power as a club to beat up on the other party might score a temporary victory, but that person or company is not worthy of the trust of the marketplace. To be a 3rd Alternative negotiator, I must first see myself as a win-win person. I will not accept anything less than a win for you and win for me. I don’t want either of us to lose anything.

The foundation of synergistic negotiation is the win-win mentality, and it starts with me. But that mentality is just the beginning. I have to be willing to go on to create something with you that will surprise us both.

Nikki Stone - Olympic Gold Medalist

- Nikki Stone

The year before my second Olympics, my coach put together a training log for me that included a lot of aerobic work such as step classes, running and biking. Coming from a sport where a “run” lasted three seconds and had nothing to do with aerobics, I thought the suggestions seemed silly. So if I was running low on time, I would do some extra weight lifting and ignore the aerobic workouts.

As I look back, it seems absurd that I didn’t ask the coach why he’d added cardio training to my regimen. It turns out that the aerobic training would help me keep up my stamina throughout the entire season, so I wouldn’t fade on tour and have my results drop off mid-season. Luckily, I did ask that question eventually, increased my cardio…and didn’t fade before I got to February 18th, 1998, the day of the Olympic finals.

Your Tools for Success: We are often so focused on finding answers that we forget to keep asking questions. We need to explore the unknown in order to further our learning. People are sometimes afraid of questions that don’t have concrete answers, or answers that may be hard to discover. Kids have it right, constantly asking “why?”

Think up questions that you don’t have the answer to. Become a kid again this week and ask people “why?” rather than just accepting their statements. You may find out more on the subject or you may even find out that there really is no sound reasoning to their response.

]]> http://drpaulsmpower.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/hard-things-first/ Tue, 20 Apr 2010 14:02:46 +0000 Dr. Paul http://drpaulsmpower.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/hard-things-first/ Your life is made up of a variety of activities, some of which you really enjoy and look forward to, and some of which you may dread.  The hard stuff seems to always be there waiting for you.  Today there is likely to be at least one challenging task that you just don’t want to do.  Move that one to the top of your list and do it first.  Imagine how you will feel when that one thing is behind you rather than in front of you.  Do the hard things first and watch your energy multiply!

I often hear people say that I’m lucky to have a job I love.  Personally I don’t see how it is luck, when I chose this job.

Nikki Stone – Olympic Gold Medalist