As I sat playing Ninja Gaiden 2 on my XBox the other day, garnering more points the longer I was able to keep my enemy alive while still removing each of his appendages in turn, I realized just how far the quality of video games has fallen. Oh, sure, the graphics are exquisite and the physics generators are great; but where is the subtlety of it all? Separate from that question, where are all the truly violent virtual adventures, like the ones we had growing up? Point of fact, they don’t exist because video game developers have gotten lazy.

In the early 90s there were games where you could get hopped up on mushrooms, crush living creatures under foot, and use the Devil’s magic to light enemies on fire. All of this, I might add, was accomplished while on a Dirty Harry-esque suicide mission to take down an evil dictator who abducted your girlfriend. Yes, I’m talking about Super Mario Bros. Parents get all uppity these days because video games are too violent and send the wrong messages and desensitize children to violence. I’ve got news for you people, it didn’t all start with Grand Theft Auto. One of the major differences between Mario and GTA, or even Ninja Gaiden 2 for that matter, is their lack of elegance. That’s right, I’m saying that Mario is the winner in the violent battle of

VS

Now, I’m sure everyone is saying “Um, did you even look at those two pictures?” Yes, yes I did. And that’s just the point. Today, people assume that simply because something is more visually graphic it’s more violent. But Mario has all the same aspects of the “worst” games: drugs, violence, giant dinosaurs trying to mate with mushroom princesses. Nobody bats an eyelash at Mario, however, because Nintendo was dedicated enough to be subtle about all of these properties. They weren’t lazy.

Video game designers today are so focused on cranking out the next big gore-splashing hit that nobody focuses on the elegance of how to quietly provide the same messages and the same enjoyment without all the mess. Where is the time and energy put into turning the player’s mind to mush without simply covering the screen in a bucket of pig’s blood? And let’s not fool ourselves; Mario sends all the same messages that Grand Theft Auto does, in fact probably more. Mario has you use mushrooms and technicolor stars to become strong or invincible. Mario has you bash villains in the head until they’re flattened like a pancake. Have you ever seen someone smash a hard boiled egg? Well crushing a giant mushroom isn’t much different. Now imagine the mushroom has a brain and a family of little baby mushrooms to support. All the mental queues are there for both games: violence is okay when you think you’re in the right, collecting money and grabbing coins are central to doing better in life, there will be shortcuts, and if you mess up you can just start over. Instead of dismissing the connection as ridiculous, actually think about it for a minute.

Perhaps the argument is that Mario isn’t realistic while modern video games are. What about Duck Hunt? Remember that one? It’s the game where you hold a handgun and shoot animals. The “light” gun was shaped similar to a real gun and it had a trigger like a real gun. Of course, the technology of the 1990s was atrocious, so a child was guaranteed to get bored of trying to actually play and sooner or later simply press the muzzle up to the screen and kill the ducks that way. Either way, what message does that send: that guns are fun? I guess the gun was just a toy, so it’s not that realistic.

In regards to Super Mario’s realism: a picture is worth a thousand words.

Society needs to stop blaming violence on video games and television. Virtual violence was just as prevalent in the late 80s and early 90s as it is today, except it was more psychologically sophisticated. Just because a kid happened to be a gamer and then went out and murdered his roommate or robbed a convenient store or overdosed on drugs, doesn’t mean it’s because of the games he played. There are some people in the world who are very troubled. There are some people in the world who need help. The fact of the matter is that it’s easier to blame a game than to actually get up and do something about it.

Honestly, I think video games are just as brain-rottingly entertaining as they were 20 years ago. Yes, they’re bloodier, but the premise is the same: incapacitate the henchmen, murder the boss, save the girl. So I’m going to keep playing them, because I don’t see any ill effects from my years of enjoying virtual violence. Then again, I do really enjoy eating mushrooms…

Este mes de octubre es uno de esos meses en los que, sin darnos cuenta, se acumulan una gran cantidad de lanzamientos importantes. Un mes en el que no hacemos otra cosa que darle vueltas a la cabeza para decidir qué juego elegir.

Es que es increíble, unos meses tanto, y otros tan poco. Como la vida misma:

Día 1: Fifa 10.
Día 2: Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2.
Día 15: Uncharted 2, Brütal Legend.
Día 22: Pro Evolution Soccer 2010.
Día 29: M.A.G, EyePet.
Día 30: Tekken 6.

Genial el duelo de ventas que va a haber el día 15. Y, vosotros, ¿cuántos de esa lista tenéis pensado comprar?

Yıl sonuna yaklaştıkça oyun piyasası da iyiden iyiye hareketlenmiş durumda… Oyunlar yağmur gibi tepemize yağarken PSN’de güncelliğini koruyor. Yeni haftanın PSN güncellemeleri sonrasında Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 ve Lost Planet 2 Co-Op demoları indirmeye sunuldu…

Who am I kidding? HATE? No I love to say I told you so, did people listen to me? Probably not, but I was right anyway. I’m always right.

What’s that? IGN’s ratings mean nothing? You might be right, but they are still the biggest game reviewing website in the world, which the most amount of people look at, and amazingly for once, they saw the light.

So, how do you plan to continue defending this? Better camera? Nope it’s the same. Better graphics? Contrast changing =/= better. Less glitches? That remains to be seen. Less technical issues? Nope, more screen-tearing and worse frame drops. Better gameplay? “Broken” gameplay. So aside from all that, you’ve also lost the brutality, which was essentially one of the best things about NG2. Hey, at least you get to wiggle breasts about, fight some terribly designed new bosses and play co-op in a game which was never designed or intended to be co-op.

Look on the bright side, maybe someone at Tecmo will read this and recognise the considerable power of my mind and hire me to create NG3/DOA5.

In more troubling news, I’ve started reading everything Apachai says in IRC in Terence Stamp’s voice.

I’ll breakdown some other stuff that’s been happening too:

• Blazblue confirmed for getting a stupidly named new game (Continuum Shift, well, sounds better than Calamity Trigger or whatever the fuck) has (so far) one new character, who is Tsubaki (an NPC from the original game)
• FFXIV’s new trailer is cool.
• BIG WIGS sat around chuckling about Project Natal.
• RE5 is getting a remake that will support sony’s wiimote.
• Borderlands trailer isn’t out yet

There’s nothing else that’s important. Uuh, Halo 3 ODST came out recently, but I don’t care as it looks like a terrible game. Let me re-phrase, it doesn’t look that bad, but if I didn’t pay £40 for L4D, I’m not certainly not paying £40 for ODST. L4D is a mod, and ODST is an expansion, neither should have been a penny more than £20. Call it silly if you want, but I’m not paying more than something is worth, same reason I’ll be waiting until MW2 comes down to a normal price before buying it. Activision can, as the saying goes, hoover a thousand dicks into their rectums.

>:V

More or less my reaction concerning the whole Sigma 2 situation, and yes, I’ll let it die now. If Itagaki is content to get over it, I too shall now forget about it. There’s nothing more to say anyway, I was right, anyone who disagreed with me was wrong.

All things considered, it’s not a surprising result.

Sanırım yoruma gerek yok… Niye derseniz biz de bir şey anlamadık

No es que sean nada especial, pero siempre me hace gracia ver anuncios en la tele sobre videojuegos. A los de Xbox 360 seguro que no les hace tanta gracia.

Vídeo del ninja que pisó accidentalmente una mancha de grasa al salir de su casa:

Y vídeo del japonés gordito que si estuviera jugando con detector de movimiento habría partido el cuello de su personaje:

No es que sean nada especial, pero siempre me hace gracia ver anuncios en la tele sobre videojuegos. A los de Xbox 360 seguro que no les hace tanta gracia.

Vídeo del ninja que pisó accidentalmente una mancha de grasa al salir de su casa:

Y vídeo del japonés gordito que si estuviera jugando con detector de movimiento habría partido el cuello de su personaje:

There was a pretty big post here but I read it through and I didn’t like the looks of things so I took it back behind the shed and introduced him to MY LITTLE FRIEND BATOS THE DOUBLE GOUGING SHOTGUN. Well, that is to say, it was a pretty boring post even by my standards so I just deleted it. I am loathe to start a post and then write nothing though, if that makes sense, probably not.

I completed Point Lookout recently, I somewhat enjoyed it, I rate it above Operation Anchorage but below the Pitt and below Broken Steel. Broken Steel gave me the most new stuff content and by extension playtime, Operation Anchorage was way too short and boring (too much shooting, which is not Fallout’s strong point.) as for the Pitt and Point Lookout, they were about the same length, Point Lookout perhap a bit longer, as for the main quest line, I preferred the Pitt’s moral choice which gave me pause. Pitt also wins on the item front, as there were TONS of new items from the Pitt, one of my favourites being the Metal Blaster (a very nice alternative to the Tri-Beam Cannon which is a bitch to repair.) Point Lookout was pretty fun to explore, and there’s still some stuff left for me to explore, but getting rushed by enemies using those absurdly strong shotguns was a bit annoying as I have fairly low damage resistance and usually rely on distance or my companion, so I ended up dart spamming and stimpak spamming, I could have turned the difficulty down but that’s meh. I could have also gone back to the Wasteland to get some power armour or something, but again, I like my fedora and trenchcoat. As for the new items, the backwater rifle’s okay, but I’ll stick with the trusty repeater which is easier to repair. I liked the new shotgun a lot, however, I replaced the terrible shotgun (funny name, as it’s like the best) with it. Guh, I don’t think I’ll get Mothership Zeta. I don’t really like Energy Weapons that much and it looks like another OA.

MORTAL PAPIS AND MAMIS DEFENDING THEIR OWN REALM IS NOT ABOUT DEATH…BUT LIFE.

I’m still getting the urge to fire up NG2 and slice up some spida la negro ninjas with the dragon sword and what not, but I’ll put it off for now (even if it means I’ll suck when I eventually go back) and well, I started playing some GTAIV again. Multiplayer’s always a good laugh in GTAIV, due in large part to the amazing physics engine. I also tried to pick off a few more achievements earlier today, gah, I really don’t like how the achievements are done in GTAIV. Why should I go and play your shitty darts mini-game, and WHY does it force me to use the TERRIBLE melee system to attempt counters? It’s retarded, I know it’s not that I have “bad” timing or anything like that, my dear, I can violent wind/table hop out of some pretty nasty fucking situations, I can counter a 3 frame Kasumi jab, I can perfect guard projectiles, yes, I have no problem reacting, but when some random guy swings at me, and I perfectly input the counter buttons, and instead just block..you realise! THAT GTAIV HAS TERRIBLE MELEE AND IT SHOULDN’T HAVE ANYTHING REQUIRING YOU TO USE IT. Sheesh..the aiming isn’t amazing, but at least it’s somewhat responsive. Gah, the achievements aren’t just fun to get for the most part, oh, and I really really don’t like when a game just has like 50% multiplayer achievements. For the most part, NG2 did achievements perfectly – you actually achieved something. Whilst I don’t really like that you have to play through the game so many times for all the weapon master achievements, they are aptly named, after a good 5-15 hours using one weapon and learning all the effective combos, you ARE a master of it. DMC4’s achievements are really a pain in the ass, I’ve played it for around 100 hours and only have like half the gamerscore, which is annoying for compulsive people such as myself who like getting 100/100, 100% and so on. I’ve completed all the different difficulty modes, I don’t want to go back and do them again to grind S ranks or grind souls/money/whatever. The absolute WORST achievements are all for me have to be ones like “collect all 200 shining anusbarons” that are in GTAIV, SR2 and stuff like that. I DON’T WANT TO GO LOOKING AROUND THE HUGE CITY FOR 3495734689 DIFFERENT ITEMS, THAT’S NOT FUN.

Grr.

Well it’s been an hour now, so I suppose I’ll wrap this post up around her-VICARIOUSLY I BLAST WHILST YOUR FACE CRUMPLES.

FROWN OUT YOUR ONE CROTCH, BUT WITH THE OTHER

STARE LIKE A PAPI, INTO THE TV

STARE LIKE A MAMI, WATCH AS USKA BOUNCES HIS CHAIR

WATCHES IT BLAST

MOUTH TO THE FOGHORN, HOOTIN’, WHY OH WHY

There was another paragraph here, but I deleted it because I want to forget about that thing lest it haunt my dreams ‘ever more.

That, and it’s better to end on a positive note.

As such, I can now declare that Frahlo has been confirmed to be a busta, and that I am indeed styling on him.

I’ve basically said everything that needs to be said about Sigma 2, I’ve tried to advise people that if they have the choice, get the 360 version, using a totally unbiased opinion, but no, I’m just labelled a 360 fanboy.

What.

If Sigma 2 looked good, I would buy a PS3 for it, I’m not so poor that I let money restrict my gaming, if there was an amazing game for the PC, I WOULD upgrade my PC to be able to play it. Oh gee, but what a surprise, there’s NO GOOD GAMES COMING OUT FOR THE PC. MMOs don’t really interest me, and if they did, FF14′ll probably come out for the 360 eventually. If ZoE3 is announced for the PS3? I’d probably end up getting one.

My verdict was 99% unbiased and true. Yet people come crying to me about how Sigma 2 has 50 zillion new features. Yes, that’s nice, adding new features to a game automatically makes it better(!)

Let’s see, that worked so well for DW4, DW6, Twilight Princess and no doubt countless other shitty sequels. It’s hilarious, I’ve even had people responding to me listing THE BAD POINTS ABOUT THE GAME. What is the logic behind that, are they TRYING to prove my point? It amazes me, it really does.

So okay, let’s list and break down the “amazing” new features of Sigma 2 (first I’ll list the official improvements, followed by ones people are spamming at me, which may or may not be true, I don’t know);

• Fight against numerous enemies across 17 stages and various environments
• Engage in intense 2-player online co-op action in more than 30 challenges
• Three all new playable female characters each with brand new weapons and abilities
• Combine melee and projectile attacks to eliminate your enemies
• Save & review your moves and share your cinema & mission results over the PlayStation Network
• Downloadable content
• Refined gameplay, making for a more accessible, rewarding gaming experience

Right, so first off, there’s “17″ stages and various enviroments. I’m going to nitpick here, NG2 has 14 chapters, I presume the extra ones here are ones where you play as Momoji and Ayane and Rachel. Yeah, when it says 17 stages, that’s a straight off lie. NG2 has 13 different levels iirc, because you visit the Hayabusa village level twice. That’s just plain lying, but okay, most game’s are advertised like that, I’ll let that slide.

On to the co-op, this is probably the only remotely interesting part of Sigma. You can basically do what I assume are like mini tests of valor or NG2’s mission modes with a friend, that’s relatively cool, but NG’s gameplay is NOT SUITED FOR MORE THAN ONE PLAYER. It totally breaks the gameplay, it’s not designed for it, it’s broken. Simple as. Fun? Yeah, I’ll admit it could be fun, but it seems like it’d get boring relatively quickly much like Fable 2’s shitty co-op.

Uh, none of those characters are new. It depends on how they classify new, but none of them are new characters. Ayane was in NG2 and NG1, Rachel was in NG1 and playable in Sigma, and Momoji was playable in the DS version. New weapons? Okay, Rachel’s hammer isn’t new, but Momoji’s halberd/naginata and Ayane’s weapons are. Abilities? No. Reskinning ninpo does not make them new. Or do you mean the fact that Ayane has infinite incendiary shurikens? Yeah, that’s not broken at all. Or did you mean Momoji’s instant aerial UT? Yeah that’s not broken either.

The next three points aren’t new at all, no point going in to them.

Refined gameplay, making for a more accessible, rewarding gaming experience

no no no no no no no no no NO NO NO.

NO.

By “refined” gameplay, they mean they totally ruined the difficulty. Enemies and save statues are changed around to make it easier. That’s a fucking stupid idea, there’s NO REASON to make NG2 easier, people who complain about it and quit are just that. Quitters and losers. Anyone can beat NG2. All you need to do is USE YOUR BRAIN. Shut the fuck up and stop whining about how the enemies are cheap, if they are cheap, just KILL THEM. It’s not impossible. I did it, I would know. What’s more, lots of people are whining about warrior or mentor mode. Just go kill yourself! If you’re fucking getting stuck on warrior mode and giving up WHY DID YOU BUY THE GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE? It’s pathetic, this is the sort of attitude that spawns casual games. You quite literally, are the cancer killing the game industry. Just go and play Ninja Blade or something. Accessible basically means they are making it more casual by dumbing the game down. More rewarding, I’m sorry? How is it rewarding to beat an easy game? It’s like playing a game in god mode, do you feel proud when you beat the game? So maybe you just want to BEAT the game….again, WHY WOULD YOU BUY NINJA GAIDEN IF YOU JUST WANTED TO BEAT THE GAME? It’s like saying “I’M GOING TO BUY STREET FIGHTER IV FOR THE ARCADE MODE AND SEE HOW THE STORY PLAYS OUT WHEEEE”. Fuck.

Now for the “unofficial” list some guy replied to me with, I can’t confirm any of these things so I don’t know if they are true, but I’ll break them down anyway.

New bosses, playable characters, remixed adventure, infinite projectiles, new enemies, co-op mode, chapter select, new costumes…TERRIBLE.

Yes, it is terrible. New bosses? Why does NG2 need new bosses. More =/= better. NG2 already has at least one boss, sometimes more, per level. More playable characters. Yes, I buy NG to play as RYU. I buy God of War to play as KRATOS. I buy DMC to play as DANTE. I don’t want to play as Nero or some other stupid douche. You know what the three new characters all have in common? They’re all female and have huge breasts. OH MY WHAT A SURPRISE. You gotta cater for the sexually frustrated teenagers, right?

Remixed Adventure. I covered this already. THERE’S NOTHING THAT NEEDS REMIXING. Oh wait, yes there is, Gigadeath needs to be fixed and some of the water-based encounters also need to be fixed..but are they fixing them? Nope. They are fixing the stuff people whined and cried about, BAW I CAN’T KILL THE NINJAS THEY ARE TUFF.

Infinite projectiles. If this is true, the -entire- game is broken. It gives you an I-WIN button. Incendiary Shurikens can kill almost any enemy in the game with two hits. Not counting the mecha enemies (and if you need to use projectiles for the mecha enemies, you suck.) Maybe they’re trying to “balance” it out by making them weaker..which completely ruins the point of IS. If they don’t delimb, why would you use them? Yeah, that’s broken and probably the stupidest gameplay tweak I can think of if true. Why not make it so you have infinite devil trigger in DMC? That’d make the gameplay “more enjoyable, challenging and rewarding.”

New enemies. I honestly think NG2 covered pretty much every enemy you could hope to fight. You have normal ninjas, tactical ninjas, rocket ninjas, IS ninjas, archer ninjas, mage ninjas, fiend ninjas and shadow ninjas. You have slow enemies, you have fast enemies, you have flying enemies, you have swimming enemies. If you’d watch the NG2 documentary, you’d see they pretty much put in EVERY enemy they could. So you’ll forgive me if I don’t think new ones are pointless or gimmicky. Oh, maybe there’s now a PLATINUM VAN’GELF.

I already covered co-op mode, so moving on to chapter select. Okay, I have nothing bad to say about that, that at least, is a good idea, you could just save at the start of every chapter on manual save slots, but being able to play a specific chapter is good. Finally, new costumes. Where? I’ve not seen any. I’ll wait to see those myself, but do you honestly need more? Maybe a few from Black/Sigma, but I think all the ones you unlock from beating the various difficulty settings, as well as the 15 Fiend, Biometal and Shadow Walker ones are enough.

You might think I’m coming off overly harsh or something in this post, I’m not generally the type who would insult another persons “ability” so to speak. Yet I’ve honestly had it with fucking casual gamers. It’s the most pointless and infuriating divide I’ve ever seen. The mindset that “OH THIS GAME IS TOO HARD, GAMES SHOULD CATER JUST FOR MY NEEDS.” is really really really pissing me off. If a game is hard and you don’t enjoy playing it. DON’T. FUCKING. BUY. IT. How hard is that? Why do games have to be crippled and dumbed down just so retards like you can complete it because you don’t have enough will and brain power to beat it anyway. BAWWWW IT’S UNBEATABLE. MY ASS IS UNBEATABLE. If I beat Master Ninja in under 10 days, so can you. Or what, are you physically incapable of doing the things I do? Am I naturally far more skilled than all these people whining? I REALLY doubt that. You just are losers who give up at the first sign of trouble, it sickens me. Then you come out with excuses like “games shouldn’t make me angry they should just be fun!!!”. Yeah? Well screw you, some people actually LIKE A CHALLENGE. WHAT NO YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY, THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE, NOBODY COULD POSSIBLY DESIRE A CHALLENGE WHERE THE GAME DOESN’Y SIMPLY ROLL OVER AND GIVE YOU 1000 TROPHIES/ACHIEVEMENTS. I DO SAY, I LITERALLY DO SAY IT SO MUCH.

I can understand that “hard” games aren’t for everyone, if that’s the case, why don’t you just NOT PLAY IT? I’m beginning to repeat myself, but it’s really going to turn into a problem. Why would anyone bother making a tough game if nobody wants to buy it or play it? I’ll have to resort to crappy flash games or something. There’s honestly something really refreshing about a current gen game that gives you trouble without being overly cheap. AHA LANT YOU’RE LYING NOW, NG2 IS MEGASSO CHEAP AND UNFAIR. You think so? I’ve come to a revelation recently, if you can beat COD4 on Veteran, you should have no problem beating NG2 on Master Ninja. Now, I know you’ll probably disagree with me (not that it matters, because I am right.) but COD4 on Veteran is cheaper than NG2.

Let’s break a scene down in both games:

COD4, you walk around a corner and instantly get killed by an enemy.

NG2, you walk around a corner and an enemy spawns and grabs you, taking off half your health.

NG2 you can prevent this, in COD4 there’s no way to dodge bullets, you have to actually know the enemy is there beforehand, it’s impossible to do it first time as you don’t know the enemy is there and you’ll be dead before you can react, hence you have to plan your actions out before hand.

COD4, you’re behind cover and 5 grenades suddenly land on you. You can’t pick them all up.

NG2, you’re surrounded by 5 IS ninjas who all throw IS at you. You can avoid taking damage from every single one.

I’m sure I don’t need to continue, but in all honesty, whilst NG2 can CERTAINLY be annoying, it’s not as cheap as COD4. Once you get decent, you can basically stop yourself dying at all most of the time, whereas in COD4 there’s no skill about it, I’m shit at COD4, I fail at online matches so much, but I managed to beat everything in Veteran, even Mile High Club, simply by making a plan of action and following it. That’s the key difference, in NG2 it’s more reaction based, but planning CERTAINLY comes into it at times,  planning out when to use your items, knowing when the next statue or chest or muramasa is and so on.

Finally, I’ll combine two arguments. I saw somebody recently complain about DOA4 “only having two attack buttons.” I’ll combine that with this argument. By the logic of these people, adding new features to a game AUTOMATICALLY makes it a far superior game to the original. Hence, I can now exclusively announce a new game, coming exclusively to the PlaystatIon 3 in 2010: Dead or Alive 4: Xtreme Alpha Magnum.

Featuring “ENHANCED” GRAPHICS.

YES!! THEY JIGGLE WHEN YOU SHAKE THE SIXAXIS!

THE MORE METERS AND GAUGES ON SCREEN, THE BETTER THE GAME!!

Featuring 6 brand new gameplay mechanics, more than any other fighter game! Including;

Jiggle Meter: Wiggle and jiggle your characters breasts, and when the meter grows, unleash a devastating EX jiggle, or wait till all four bars are filled to pull off a match deciding JIGGLE BURST.

Revenge Gauge: Your enemy beating you up? Lack the skills to actually PLAY the game? This new meter makes the fighting accessible even for a beginner!!! Just wait for the gauge to fill, then press A+X+B+Y+O+START to unleash your final smashing anus heating critical finish and instantly win the match!

Greek Cancel Gauge: Do you want to cancel your Testicle rupturing piledriver into a nose biting ass-slamma? NOW YOU CAN, keep an eye out though, as this gauge fills up at random to add a patented “what the fuck is going on” new element to gameplay!!!

Special Meter: It’s the yellow one under the greek cancel gauge! This has no point whatsoever as your specials don’t even cost any meter, because who wants to be limited in how many energy balls they can throw out their dick!?

Morale gauge: Taken from our new partners Koei! As the tide shifts in the battle, you get more red or blue points on this amazing new meter! As you lose morale, your defense and offense lower! It sort of makes no sense and belies the entire point of the revenge gauge, but who cares! Also defending and turtling makes it lower instantly, you scoundrel you!

NEW EXCITING CONTROL SCHEME. At the players request, we have upgraded the controls extensively! Gone is the silly one punch, one kick, one grab, and one block gameplay, haha! Now you have 6 punches, 6 kicks, 6 ways to block and 12 ways to counter! Make sure you have your spreadsheets open to juggle all the meters too!

We’ve also done away with the tag mode, as it didn’t come out as well as we hoped. Don’t worry! We’ve replaced it with NEW SPECIALS!!! Simply rotate the analog stick 12 times whilst swallowing the cable and then press a 50 combo input to pull off such amazing combos as seen above!!!!!!!!!

(Please note, actual Spartan and Ryu Hayabusa characters not in game, purchase seperately for £10.)

Não postei inside semana passada por razoes desconhecidas, talvez eu não tenha visto ou tenha saído muito tarde então o primeiro vídeo é do episódio de hoje e o segundo é da semana passada, o de hoje só traz umas noticias da Blizzcon e MUITOS previews de jogos que ainda vão sair este ano, foi bem cansativo separar essa porrada de jogos:

News: Blizzcon, WOW, Diablo 3, Starcraft 2.

First Look extended: Uncharted 2, Ninja Gaiden 2, Ratchet and Clank, GT5, Halo ODST, L4D2, Forza 3, Super Mario Bros, Dead Space Extraction, GT PSP, Kingdom Hearts DS, The Sims 3 expansion, Aion (próximo MMO que jogarei), The Beatles Rockband, Lost Planet 2, Tekken 6, AC2, MW2, MW Wii, WET, Brutal Legend, The Saboteur, DJ Hero, Dragon Age:Origins, Blur, Borderland.

Fui!!!!!!1!!!!11!!!!one!!!!!™

..I have become a master ninja.

As “Cinroth-sensei the 720 Claw Technique Blazing Raging Combo Master Fighter Baron” put it; yes you have outdone me young grasshoppa I am very proud of you.

My life is more or less complete now.

I was actually thinking it would give me more trouble than that, I’d seen people saying it took them months, so naturally I was rather worried, took me 10 days. Oh, as for my final leaderboard position, it was 220/484731. It’s not like leaderboards are important, but that’s a relatively high spot so I’m happy about that, even if it’s about as pointless as being high ranked on the Gears 2 leaderboards (I was within the top 100 for several gametypes.) because in the end, the top positions are always cheaters. There’s several pages of people with like 9999999999 karma who just cheated it up in NG2 etc. Well, I’m also relatively pleased with my K/D ratio, 4000 some kills and 400 some deaths. Most of the other people around my position had over 1000 deaths, so I guess you could say I PLANNED OUT WELL.

It’s a relatively pointlessly long post, but in all honesty it’s because I’m on a “well that’s one goal completed, what next?” phase right now. I am vaguely proud of that achievement, but it’s not like it was “impossible” to get, I agree with the developer of NG2 in that I’m sure anyone can complete it given enough time. It’s just a proof of my stubbornness that I am happy to have.

Anyway next up I’ll probably go back to Fallout 3 and play that some more, Point Lookout looks good so I’ll get that, but Mothership Zeta I’ll skip out on, mostly as the one item I would want from it is bugged. After Fallout will probably come Oblivion. There are a few games coming out between now and Borderlands I think, such as Batman, Serious Sam HD and uh..something else. Yet I don’t really want any of them apart from Borderlands, so I think I’ll just try complete Fallout and Oblivion for now. Ah, and I’m also planning to giga-explode write FFID (I mean, I’m on chapter 15 which is somewhat far ahead of the planned schedule so to say, but I must keep exploding through chapters whilst the ideas are fresh in my head, once I finish part 2 I may slow down a bit however. Knowing me? I’ll speed up even more, I might have to speed up the release of FFID to like fortnightly or something.)

That being said, I’ll probably just go back and do more weapon runs on NG2.

Err oh right, in regards to anime, there’s not really been much going on, but I usually whine about it so I must be concise. Canaan is alright, FMA:Brohood is meh, Despair Frahlo is decent and Guin Saga seems to have been dropped, Souten Kouro has super slow subs and I’ve not watched like the last 3 episodes I downloaded, Dragonball Kai has some amazingly bad subs and Gintama is as good as ever. I’m not really watching much, but there is an Unlimited Blade Works movie coming out next year, I’m sure I mentioned that already though. Oh, and the Bleach filler is actually kind of interesting, it’s not good, but it’s okay.

I just 23/10/09 to come asap. Borderlandsssssssssssss…and Brutal Legend also comes out but I’ll skip that in favour of bOrDeRlAaAaAaAnDsSsSsSsSSsSSSSsss. Guns, I must have guns and loot and co-op. Now.

To be precise, my exact reaction upon beating the Archfiend was to stand up and wave my fist at the screen, and then ask, “OH YOU MAD, COS I’M STYLIN ON YOU?” as Ryu finished him off with what I like to call “The Ultimate UT/OT”. True Dragon sword version, of course, just to kick it old style.

I’ve added a new page detailing my rage @ PotMN in NG2, I thought it might be fun to record how long it takes me, and my annoying troubles along the way. I’ll do it in a psuedo first person-from-Ryu’s-point-of-view way. It’s vaguely interesting to do, I’ll admit.

Mostly when I can post obviously wrong Ryu-thoughts on things. Well, I assume they are wrong, he might really be calling ninja mages “fag mags” and indeed he might be calling Zedonius a “flame spewing anuspounder.” Who knows.

Later.

Getting Stuck Sucks:

OXCGN’s Games That Frustrate

Games should be fun.

But sometimes they get to a point where the challenge simply becomes beyond frustrating and makes you feel like an incompetent, so you don’t finish.  Sometimes maybe it is your lack of skill, but other times it is just poor game design.

Or maybe the game becomes so boring that it becomes too frustrating to even bother finishing.  After all, every second is a second lost of your life you’ll never get back, and who wants to be stuck playing a game that’s no longer fun?

Here are some of the games that have got under the skin of our staff.

Please let us know what games have pissed you off in the past (or present) in the comment section below.

Axis of Reality:

THE ELDER SCROLLS III: MORROWIND (Xbox, PC)

I was excited about getting Morrowind – after all, the Lord of the Rings movies were fresh in my mind and I couldn’t wait to enter a full, completely open world to make my own path through. My journey lasted 2 hours. Unfortunately it was just too open, putting it on the player to provide their own motivation and in the end it just felt pointless playing like I wasn’t achieving anything or going anywhere with it. I was bored with freedom.

GRAND THEFT AUTO IV (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

I was so excited for GTA IV, still having not finished San Andreas but loving every minute of it. While previous GTAs actively encouraged mayhem and going off the beaten track, GTA IV seemed determined to do everything in its power to stop me: irritating phone calls from contacts wanting to be taken everywhere and the punishment of removing bonuses for ignoring them, not to mention overly bouncy driving controls that destroyed any fun in police chases when every corner sent me sliding into a wall. I stopped playing when I realized that this GTA didn’t want me to have fun anymore.

Shadow Wave:

GRAND THEFT AUTO IV (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

I wasn’t very excited going into the GTA universe once again, but judging from all the hype and the very impressive reviews I thought maybe its improved a lot since San Andreas, a game I never beat. But sadly GTA4 was just as frustrating as its processor. Phone calls, realism and annoying side missions made this very frustrating for me. But I soldiered on through to about 30% of the game when main missions went from lasting around 5 minutes to being a full 30 minutes, with no checkpoint system. I eventually walked away from this game. There are only so many times I can sit are repeat what I just did over and over.

BLUE DRAGON (Xbox 360)

Blue Dragon was a great game until the last disc. It was easy, fun, and just a great game to play when you wanted to enjoy a story and not really worry about that dreaded game over screen. As it was a very ‘beginner’ RPG, long time RPG players such as myself found it pretty easy. But then suddenly at the climax of the story the game suddenly takes a huge turn for the worst and becomes quite difficult, forcing you to spend hours of grinding to strengthen your characters. But I guess as a long time RPG player I’m quite sick of grinding and when I realized I needed to grind, I turned the game off with the intention of coming back to it, but sadly it has been sitting on my shelf for about 2 years now untouched.

Betheo:

SPORE (PC)

I know, I’m probably going to be shot for this, but after evolving to a space faring civilization, I just got over it. It started to feel repetitive once I got into space and really, I just didn’t feel like going anywhere.  So, I guess it was with some regret over the loss of creature customization after spending so long in it, that I basically stopped playing Spore altogether.

That and I seemed to be the universes bitch due to my weakness…

GHOST RECON: ISLAND THUNDER (Xbox, PC)

I know it’s an older game, but it still sticks out in my mind as one of the few militaristic games that I just could not get into. I guess it was the AI that did it for me, both allied and enemy. That, and I really didn’t enjoy the missions all that much, give me urban, or… well, just give me urban. The jungle scene was a pain in the arse.

Lame360Gamer:

TOO HUMAN (Xbox 360)

It was a grind to get all the way to the end with the CONSTANT death sequence that you couldn’t avoid, but I stuck with it all the way up to the end. However, as I had pretty much ignored all the leveling up and building of items, by the time I got to the end the final encounter proved too difficult and almost had me in tears having to go through the sequence again and again and again as I hadn’t powered up enough.

There are other games I have probably given up on out of lack of interest but the above was pure frustration.

ChiefJimbolaya:

ZELDA: PHANTOM HOURGLASS (Nintendo DS)

I’m a huge Zelda fan, so naturally I was super excited when Phantom Hourglass came out. But by the third trip to that stealth palace I was ready to throw my DS through the window. I hate timed levels & missions in video games. And I don’t really like stealth levels. So this double-whammy had me seeing red.

NINJA GAIDEN 2 (NES)

I could never beat the second level. The one where you had to time your jumps with the wind. The few times I did make it to the boss, he killed me so fast I never had a chance to figure out his patterns.

BATTLETOADS (NES, Amiga, SEGA Megadrive, Gameboy)

The bike level has to be one of the most frustrating in history. I don’t think I ever passed that point, which is a shame since the first two levels were so awesome.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (NES)

The underwater level was a killer was the source of much frustration in my childhood.

dkpatriarch:

SONIC UNLEASHED (Xbox 360)

Though I loved the visuals and concept, having to repeat certain races with perfectly timed jumps or boosts just drove me and my poor low-attention-span kids nuts!  Just let us get to the next section already!!!

FROGGER (Arcade and handheld)

Being un-co is annoying at the best of times. It means I’m not co-ordinated enough to quickly process that I’ve seen an enemy player on Live and then aim and shoot quickly enough before he kills me.  It means that games that require perfect hand-eye reaction times inevitably frustrate me…when I was young it was Frogger.  I paid lots of coin at the arcade to have people watch me die in a few seconds. Q: Why did the frog cross the road?  A: Mine didn’t…he just got hit and ‘croaked’.  Groan.

FORZA 2 (Xbox 360)

Forza 2 and in fact most racing games frustrate me because I suck and lose all the time. That is, unless there is a “L” driver mode and stupid bots that let me win…(L is for loser, not learner…) and then you just feel like you are a loser anyway for choosing that easy mode.  Plus I think going round and round the same track is boring, unless there is pretty scenery.  Yes I’m a lost cause when it comes to driving sims…I keep trying but, sorry.

OBLIVION (Xbox 360, PC, PS3)

I love this game and have played more hours on it than any other this gen, but when a glitch (maybe I killed someone I shouldn’t have?) caused a guy to fail to show for a meet for a Dark Brotherhood quest that prevented me from continuing until I restarted the game with a new character…I was beside myself with fury.

GAMES WITH IMPOSSIBLE BOSS FIGHTS (All consoles)

Any boss fight that take perfect knowledge of pattern make me throw my controller out the back deck door.  My memory is like my co-ordination: poor.  I’ve erased said games from my mind due to post traumatic stress and poor recall, but I know there are a lot of them.

darkmurder:

ARMA 2   (PC)

It’s great fun to play Arma 2 (Armed Assault 2) but sometimes building up a great ambush only to have it go horridly wrong can just become too frustrating. You spend ages getting into position only to have your cover foiled by an enemy who hits you with one hit. It’s annoying but so realistic which is also why I love it!

Please share us around

What girl would play this game? They replace the blood and gore with fairy dust, pinky purple fairy dust.

I suppose they’re trying to cater for the Japanese market or something, I could elaborate but a picture speaks 1000 words.

Something that has always impressed be about Itagaki’s games, is that they have universal appeal. Ninja Gaiden 2 for example, it appeals to the Japanese market but it also appeals to Westerners, ‘cos generally we love Ninjas for some unexplained reason. We also (again, generally speaking) love violence! Ninja Gaiden 2 was refreshingly blunt and to the point, in every way. It doesn’t fuck about going on and on about a story, you don’t need an excuse to slice up ninjas and monsters, it’s just an added bonus. It doesn’t give you a training level, and it doesn’t apologise for the violence, it doesn’t go “GEE THERE’S NO OTHER WAY OTHER THAN FIGHTING”, you just chop them the fuck up.

Yet now they are removing a large part of that appeal…

If I’m correct, the online co-op isn’t even in story mode. That’s good yet at the same time dumb, if it’s just challenges, it’ll get old very quickly. Imagine if Gears, for example, had no story co-op and only horde mode. Only well, Ninja Gaiden was never a game intended to have multiple players. I’ve got an (arguably) good analogy for this;

Take the duel between Count Dooku and Anakin and Obi Wan in Star Wars Ep III – Anakin and Obi Wan’s fighting style has been developed fighting as a pair against many weak opponents ie battle droids who don’t use melee weapons. Whereas Dooku’s fighting style is solely intended for single (melee) combat, which put him at a huge advantage despite being out numbered, as Anakin and Obi Wan got in the way of each other and so on.

It’s sort of like that, when you throw a second player in, it fucks everything up. How can you dare call it a “Challenge mode” when there’s no challenge? I might (I doubt it) be wrong, but when you have 2 people, one of you can just stand there behind a corner spamming projectiles or UTs whilst the other player spams guillotine throws or flying swallows. It’ll become easy.

In short, I don’t approve of Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 and I think it’s stupid. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 1 seems alright as they didn’t try to do something beyond their level, but with Sigma 2 they have out stepped their boundaries.

That sums up my reaction more or less.

I have been

WAITING

FOR

YOU

DOUBLE REN TOOT KICK

As you may or may not know I borrowed an Xbox 360 off my big brother while he was away. I managed to finish Mass Effect, Bionic Commando and Left 4 Dead. I’ll do impressions on L4D soon but I won’t review it unless I get to play the multiplayer which is the most important part of the game. I want to play through Mass Effect again before reviewing it but impressions may pop up. I’ve already reviewed Bionic Commando here. The actual point of this post is to say that I bought my own 360. It came with Burnout Paradise: Ultimate Box/Trivial Pursuit double pack which I traded in a long with Fallout 3. I bought quite a selection of games too. I ended up coming back with Mass Effect (Special Edition), The Darkness, Bioshock, Gears of War, Tomb Raider: Underworld and Ninja Gaiden 2. All of them cost a tenner except for Mass Effect which was £19 (Got £8 off because of Fallout) and The Darkness which was £8. I only paid 99p for Tomb Raider though, thanks to the double pack. Currently I’ve only played The Darkness and Bioshock  which are both really good so far. Oh and I also got Kane & Lynch for the PS3.

I now own every console of this generation so expect even better video game coverage now.

Son muchos los beat’em up los que han salido estos últimos años, tanto para la nueva generación como para la pasada, pero a todos les ha faltado un “algo”, es decir, unos han sido muy cortos y poco rejugables como es el caso de god of war, otros han pecado de mecánicas demasiado simples, de dificultades inaceptables para los mas hardcorde así como de dificultades inaceptables para los mas casuals (es decir, hay gente que prefiere lo fácil, y gente que prefiere lo difícil), etc…

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 no será tampoco una excepción, seguramente, le seguirá faltando un “algo” para llegar a ser un juego perfecto, no obstante, tiene toda la pinta de ser el que mas se acerque a dicha perfección, y hasta tiene toda la pinta de ser uno de los imprescindibles de PS3, y que conste, que yo no soy fan de la saga precisamente, pero las novedades jugables que trae este titulo, el cual pertenece a un genero del que si soy fan son… como decirlo… demasiado atractivas, vamos, que Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 me ofrece gran parte de lo que llevo buscando mucho tiempo en un juego de esas características, un modo cooperativo, algo que a día de hoy debería ser absolutamente imprescindible en un beat’em up pero que por alguna y mística razón poquisimos juegos cumplen… (¡¡Señores desarrolladores, no todos los que consumen videojuegos son pateticos nerds cuya vida real está en Internet… algunos consumidores tenemos amigos de carne y hueso, con los que nos gustan pasar algunas tardes jugando a la consola!!, estoy harto de ver juegos de acción pensados únicamente para un único jugador, shooters sin cooperativo, ni versus a pantalla partida… ¡¡Queremos productos con los que podamos compartir la experiencia jugable con amigos!!… ) Y algo mas importante, un modo cooperativo on-line, con el que alargar la vida útil del titulo en cuestión, pero eso no es todo:

- Ninja gaiden sigma 2 será una versión mejorada del ninja gaiden 2 que apareció el año pasado en Xbox 360 (un juego que obtuvo una media de calificaciones de notable alto tirando a excelente), es decir, que la base del juego, será la misma a excepción de las mejoras.

- Los problemas de cámara que afectaban un poco a la experiencia jugable están siendo corregidos.

- Se han mejorado las animaciones de los personajes, los cuales correrán a 60 fotogramas por segundo, y se han hecho pequeñas mejoras graficas.

- Se han añadido enemigos nuevos, que no aparecieron en su versión de 360.

- Se ha ajustado un poco la dificultad, para que se adapte mejor a las habilidades del jugador. Esto no quiere decir que hayan reducido la dificultad exactamente, sino que a lo mejor, el modo fácil será mas asequible para cierto tipo de jugadores, y el modo mas difícil será siendo realmente difícil, todos contentos.

- Una de las cosas mas importantes, se han añadido tres nuevos personajes (tres féminas con supertetas y una alta tecnología mamboleante, lo que vende vamos jaja…), los cuales, estarán muy diferenciados entre si, y entre el protagonista principal, Ryu Hayabuza, el cual estará rodeado de pilinguis en este titulo jajaja… Siendo así, que tendremos un personaje mas lento pero con ataques mas precisos, un personaje mas flojo pero mas rápido, etc… Además, el modo historia ha sido modificado ligeramente para que la incursión de esos tres personajes cobre sentido.

- El gore ha sido reducido notoriamente, habrá decapitaciones y desmiembramientos pero sin tantos litros y litros de sangre, quizás el punto mas negativo del juego, claro que se equilibra mas que bien con el resto de novedades.

- Nuevas armas.

- Modo cooperativo.

- Modo cooperativo on-line, en el cual, jugaremos partidas con usuarios de la red en mas de 30 niveles diseñados exclusivamente para ese modo, ¿guay no?

- … mas cosas aún por confirmar.

En resumen, será el mas que notable juego de Xbox 360 mejorado, con muchos alicientes rejugables, con menos sangre pero con tres zorras exhibiendo sus atributos femeninos…

Y ahora, a disfrutar de esta delicia visual:

DUN DUN DUN DE DUN DUN DIDDLY DUN DUN

…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOEEE OOOOOOOO OOOOOO

FRAHLO, FRAHLO, FRAHLO

DUN DUN DUN DUN

FRAHLO, FRAHLOOOOOOOOOYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHEEEEEEEEEERHEEEEEEEEEEEEEH

FRAHLO, FRAHLO, FRAHLO

DUN DUN DUN DUN

FRAHLO, FRAHLOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEERHEEEEEEH-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

There’s nothing better than listening to some good ol’ Incubus – Frahlo when you’re waiting for some shitty ass torrent to download – that’s right, a torrent, downloading SLOWLY. !?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! I KNOW!

Well, it’s the torrent for the E7 movie,and it’s currently at 30% and is going at the amazing speed of 60kb/s. It ranges from anything as low as 5 to as high as 400. Grr, well at least it has been subbed. Seems like it’s been done by a competent group. Shame there’s no DDLs up so far from what I can find, I also tried to use the xdcc but my irc client decided it didn’t like the idea of a 4gb+ file transfer and killed itself. Thus I’m stuck with torrents. Slow torrents. Mostly because 99.99999% of people who use torrents just go HEUAHUAEHAU I DOWNLAOD AND SET MY UPLOAD RATE TO 1KB/S AHAUHKUKUDICKRAMMATHEFIFTHEMPEROROFANUSDELVARIA and then close the torrent the second it reaches 100%. I wish more people would seed, even if it was only for the duration of watching the movie, it’s better than nothing. Perhaps I could understand if people had like “upload limits” or something..but it still seems like faggotry bullshittus to me.

Anyway..I finished Ninja Gaiden 2’s story for the first time today. I quite enjoyed it, and I’m not really sure why people were whining about the camera and stuff, I got annoyed at the camera like..once, throughout the entire game. Pretty much every complaint I’ve seen has been invalid – whether they were improved by patches and I didn’t see them as I bought the game late, I dunno. “Enemies pop up where you can’t see them, it’s unfair!”, uuuh not so much. I don’t really know what it’s called, but if you press X+A you do a jump that automatically moves towards enemies. I just spammed that when I was moving as it was faster than running anyway..and it let me know when enemies spawned.

Whilst the gameplay isn’t (in my opinion) as good as DMC3 and DMC4, I did enjoy the game a lot. It’s mostly opinion, yes, I prefer games that aren’t so much “combo” based and more “freeform” so to speak. Compare the number of combos in NG2 to DMC4, each weapon has FUCKTONS of combos in NG2, almost as many as characters in SCIV, in comparison. This is probably just how I play, but I pretty mucH AWHEOAWHEOA WOW CHRIST ALMIGHTY EXPLODING ANUS MINES. I just looked over where my fan is for no real reason and out of the corner of my eye I saw some motherfucker on my wall what the fuck is that. I think it’s a..I don’t know. It looks sort of like a spider, or a papi long m8s..uuugh son of a bitch I can’t stop staring at it now. You little fucker get out of here. I can..only count 6 legs. 4 long ones and 2 smaller front ones. Carmine from my Gears poster is staring at it angrily. I hate these fucking bugs, it’s too high up for me to wallopa it with the insect catcher thing too. I could throw a knife at it considering it’s on my poster wall, but I get the impression I’m not good enough at throwing sharp objects to accomplish that feat.

Uuh where was I, oh right, so I generally tend to slamma the buttons pretty hard, I don’t usually have the patience to remember to press XX->YYYYXXAY or something, in a fighting game or whatever. I pretty much just smasha the buttons. I can do it, sure, I just find it to tedious to do in the middle of a frantic situation. That’s why I prefer DMC4, even if it’s essentially the same thing. Instead of XX-YYYXXAY or whatever, it’s DPAD UP ->B <-X DPAD RIGHT A,XXX DPAD RIGHT, A,BB, A,BB, DPAD RIGHT A,BBB A DPAD LEFT, B. Or something like that, to do a trickster->jump cancel/rebellion/yamato/gunslinger finish. I suppose it’s not really too different..but..shrug, I’m not sure how to explain it. I do prefer DMC. In Ninja Gaiden it feels like you really have to take advantage of the SAF/invincibility frames from things like ninpo/UT/Obliterations. That’s okay I guess..it’s just not so much my style as in DMC. Overall, I’m not so much a defensive player, although on DMD in DMC4 I did swap to Royal Guard/Gilgamesh to fight certain enemies. RG/Gilgamesh videos are also my favourite to watch for DMC4, as for me, I generally used a mix of Swordmaster/Gilgamesh/Yamato, although I enjoyed all the weapons and styles. I tend to favour very very offensive playstyles.

Back to NG2, I really really like the obliteration techniques and the way limbs fall off, it’s great. Doesn’t feel like a crappy gimmick either, which is surprising! It also appeals to my “violence fetish.” I love me slicing up some enemies, the captain falcon gloves are especially brutal. As for weapons, there’s a great variety, but I got the feeling there were too many “dual wield weapons”, so to speak, the vigoorian flail, tonfa, falcon talons, dual swords and kusari gama are all sort of dual wield weapons. I would’ve liked to see a two handed claymore/longsword but it’s not really a huge complaint. I really liked the lunar staff earlier on in the game mostly because the 360 UT was fucking awesome. LOL YOU FUCKING NINJA YOU THINK YOU’RE PRETTY GOOD HOW ABOUT I CAVE YOUR SKULL IN WITH THIS HUGE FUCKING STAFF WITH SPINNING NANNYCRUSHAZ ON THE END. OH WAIT THAT’S NOT ALL I’M NOW GOING TO TRIPLE POKE YOUR ASS INTO THE AIR AND HIT YOU WITH THE WHORE DROP.

That guy doesnt’ actually finish it up with the WHORE DROP but you get the idea.

Oh, the whore drop is the Izuna drop, I call it the WHORE DROP because he screams HOOOOOO/WHOOORE whilst he does it.

As you can see he doesn’t think too highly of his foes. It’s more or less his trademark move, and it’s like an instant kill on most humanoids in NG2.

As for the weapons themselves, my favourites were; the Vigoorian flail, for its amazing 2nd level UT and its fucking awesome variation of the flying swallow, it’s like I’M REALLY JUMP CANCELLING WITH TRICKSTER! I also really really liked the 2nd level UT of the tonfa, which you can see in that video, it’s just so amazingly brutal, you can practically hear their entire bodies being ground to pulp, lovely. I also enjoyed using the lunar staff on groups of weaker ninjas, and the kusari gama was pretty great too, although I mainly used it on swarming weak enemies. I also used the twin katanas and true dragon sword on bosses.

All in all, I did enjoy NG2. I’ll admit the story was hilariously bad. It’s like a Hollywood action movie in terms of the story, but it differs in that it’s actually fun to play/watch. If it was a Hollywood movie it’d be downtuned to be suitable to 13 year old americans, aka it’d have no violence. SORT OF LIKE THE PS3 VERSION OF NINJA GAIDEN SIGMA DIGMA TOOTA 2. BAHA. Honestly though, trading in the delicious  violence for a horribly deformed Ayane, some random woman with a naginata and co-op play? NO THANK YOU.TIFF

Ayane is listed as being as 16 in DOA3, and NG2 is set one year before the DOA1 tournament. Now, even assuming DOA1-4 somehow took place all in the same year, that would make Ayane, at the very maximum, 15.

The top one is Ayane as she appears in DOA, where she’s either 16 (but more likely) 17. Bit of a stretch but hey, DOA has always had uh..pretty strange characters. Yet they expect anyone to believe that the bottom one is a 14/15 year old? Ninja Gaiden is the more realistic looking games of the two as well, fucking stupid. It’s not just that, this NG2 remake looks fucking dumb. Adding co-op in a game not designed for it from the start is stupid, it’d take away any challenge whatsoever from the game. Not to mention..4 characters in an action game? I thought my hypothetical FFID action game was a ridiculous concept with 3..it’s just dumb to spread your focus on 3 separate gimmicky characters. Not to mention they all look lame. Ayane’s my favourite DOA character and whilst I think it’d be cool to play as her in NG2, I a) don’t realistically expect that to happen b) don’t want to play as her looking like a retard. Not to mention..the removed violence is FUCKING RETARDED. I’m not sure how deep it goes but I saw in a video that when somebody got a limb chopped off some shitty looking purple glowing light erupted forth. Dumb.

Enough ranting, overall, I enjoyed NG2 and I’ll be playing through the harder difficulties and new game+ soon I imagine. I want more games like DMC and NG, games that don’t lead you by the hand and act like you’re a dumb child. OH YOU NEW TO ACTION GAMES? LOOK @ THIS FUCKING CINEMATIC RYU ONE SHOT A NINJA WITH A SINGLE SHURIKEN. YOU WANT TO KILL NINJAS? ALRIGHT BE MY GUEST, THE GAME JUST STARTED. YOU WANT A TUTORIAL? FUCK YOU – HERE’S 5 NINJAS WHO ARE GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU WITHOUT PAUSE. WHAT’S THAT DID YOU JUST THROW A SHURIKEN? YOU STUPID DIPSHIT THEY DON’T EVEN DO DAMAGE THAT’S JUST A WAY TO KEEP YOUR COMBO GOING. YOU DIED? YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. That’s how I want games to treat me, fuck yeah. No bullshit quicktime events, no crappy excuses for enemies, I want enemies that gang up on you and make you go ASDFUIH FUCKING INCENDIARY SHURIKEN AND ROCKET LAUNCHER NINJAS STOP FUCKING BLOWING ME UP. Why? because when you SUDDENLY TEAR THEIR LEGS OFFS WITH A WHORE DROP BEFORE LITERALLY OBLITERATING THEIR ENTIRE BODY WITH A 100 HIT VIGOORIAN FLAIL ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE it feels fucking awesome.

Darksiders looks shit, Dante’s Inferno will most likely be shit. Bayonetta I’ll probably end up getting even if the main character annoys me. Yet it’s Lord of Shadows that I really want..I really want it not to suck. Pleasepleaseplease don’t be full of QTEs. An action game where I get to play as a Montolio-esque character and kill huge monsters with EXTENDING HOLY CROSSES THAT SHOOT FIRE AHIOFSHOD.

YES. YES. THIS IS WHAT I WANT!!

In all honesty, Blizzard just need to hire me and give me all the money they have to make warcraft: FREEFALL IN DA DARK: MONTOLIO’S HAT. I’ll laugh in their fat faces when they go HEY M8 U WANNA PUT SOME HUGE SHOULDERPADS IN UR GAME? FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY CHARACTER DESIGNS WE’RE GOING L4NT STYLE BABY. I’d make the most awesome game in the history of the universe, it’d be like a mix of DMC, Ninja Gaiden and DW. To top it off you’d have the best main character in the history of the universe, namely, Montolio. What’s that did a 500 foot tall giant just come blasting through that village and kill 90,000,000 people? No problem Mont will kill it with a fucking bow and arrow. Scratch that, he’ll kill it with a bow and hat. That’s right he’ll shoot his hat at the giant so hard it’ll crack the giants stoneass face. That’s more or less what Montolio evolved into other the years, inspired by people like Wander and Link, sure he used the light a lot but after he realised being lawful good was shit he just became a neutral pal, he’ll kill shit with only a sword and maybe a bow and arrow, and his hat. Fuck magic, kill bitches.

Wow 500 penises the torrent is now at 40% why is it so fucking slow. I’ll go TIME WARP to the future. (I’ll sleep.)

By the way this post is exactly 2000 words long.

Pechuga!

Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 es la versión ‘revisada‘ del original Ninja Gaiden 2 y es exclusiva para el PS3. Esta versión a diferencia de la de Xbox 360 contara con varias cosas nuevas entre las cuales se encuentra un modo Co-op Online, varios personajes nuevos y lo mas atractivo, un nuevo sistema de cámara mejor que el del original NG2.

Yo se que aquí no somos japoneses (aunque Azure se cree japonés) pero este dato nos puede dar una pista de cuando el juego estará a la venta en nuestro continente, y si corremos con suerte puede que esta sea la fecha de salida “para este lado del charco”. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 estará en las tiendas japonesas el 1 de Octubre del año en curso y tendrá un precio de ¥7,800 ($81 USD). Aquellos que lo pre-ordenen serán recompensados con un “Starter Guide Book” y un código para descargar un traje exclusivo de hayabusa, no tan gay como el de CLAMP.

[Fuente: Kotaku]

Ninja Gaiden 2 – I had heard that this game was really hard and that was what drove people away.  My experience with the game was quite different.  I thought it provided a fair challenge, the game wasn’t a walk through the park, but it wasn’t too hard that you throw your control at the TV.  This is a 3^rd person fighter game and there are plenty of upgrades and new weapons to gain as you progress through the game.  I liked it quite a bit and played through the entire game.  I still like the story line that never seems to get old.  – 7.5/10

Shaun White Snowboarding – I slept on this game for quite a bit because I didn’t really think it had much to offer.  An open forum snowboarding game… how?  Eventually I rented it and found out the idea works pretty well and translates to snowboarding better than I thought.  The main crux of the game is going down the mountain performing tricks to get points and acquire items in order to unlock the special event where you face Shaun White.  I think a lot of people jumped off this game because they tended to focus on the mini game events within the 4 mountains.  Also, it takes a while to get the special skills in order to make the game fun.  Along with the occasional control difficulties there are some barriers to really having a great game here.  Nonetheless, for a first release in the genre the game can be really fun if you let it – 6.5/10

Far Cry 2 – I’m a big fan 3^rd person shooter games.  I had played the previous Far Cry so I knew the gist and thought this game would be just okay.  That’s about what it came to.  They have a decent story line and you can acquire items / upgrades which makes for something to work towards in the game.  The downfall was that the controls and aiming were rather clunky and not very smooth.  When the focal point of the game involves those two aspects, it’s hard to overcome.  –4/10

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed – I had high hopes for this game.  I had been a fan of previous Star Wars games and thought this one had potential.  I had seen some previews and liked what I saw.  However, when it came down to game play the game fell short.  I got bored with the hack and slash 3^rd person style because there was nothing to build on.  No special moves to learn or items to acquire, just move through this world and kill everyone to advance to the next sequence and do it all over again.  – 3/10

Prince of Persia – This game let me know that without a doubt this series is done.  They’ve toyed with being more action and less strategy and visa versa.  POP found a good balance of action vs strategy in their earlier titles and at that point the story line was still fresh.  Now they seem to be leaning more towards more strategy and less action with an overdone story line.  I didn’t even play into a quarter of this game.  – 2/10

Mercenaries 2: World in Flames – This is your 3^rd person sandbox type game.  I liked it quite a bit, but I’m also a big fan of this format.  Capitalizing on what GTA made famous and couldn’t deliver on with their latest game, Mercenaries comes through.  I ended up playing through this whole game and beating it with around 85% complete.  There are several side missions and extras to keep fun in the game.  I’d highly recommend if you like sandbox type games. - 8.5/10

Lord of the Rings: Conquest – This game is your typical 3rd person hack and slash fighting game.  You can choose from 5 or 6 different types of characters each with their own set of pros and cons. As in the previous LOTR video games you play through the story of LOTR and eventually get to use the main characters (i.e. Gandolf, Legolas).  The game was pretty fun, but the story line of a movie turned into video game is tired out with this series.  Eventually it just turned into a hack and slash type game.  It was fun at first, but the fun only lasted so long and I was done.  - 5/10