Are you wondering what to buy for the upper-middle class white person in your family for their next gift-worthy celebration? Are you looking for a gift for the well-off friend who doesn’t have enough outlets to complain about the quality of his or her Beef Wellington? Do you know anyone who loves the show Hell’s Kitchen and is still obsessed with Dewberry?

Then I might suggest Hell’s Kitchen: The Video Game That Yells At You For Being Fat. It’s a great investment. You get to pretend cook foods and build a restaurant from scratch. I’m pretty sure that’s how the All-Star Cafe’s started.

Let’s be real here. The only people who buy cooking video games are rich white people. Right, Hef? OK, that might be a bit of an egg-zaggeration – 100.00% of people who buy cooking video games are rich white people.

Here’s some of the exciting gameplay you can experience in the dining room!

• Greet a group as it walks in the door and show them to a free table.
• Once they have had a chance to look at the menus, take their order and deliver it to the kitchen.
• When the meals come out of the kitchen, hurry and deliver them to the expecting table.
• As soon as they finish eating, clear their table. Customers will then either want another course, or be ready to leave.

/faints

Too much excitement.

/comes to

Sorry, sometimes when I get excited I get the vapors.

How fun must it be to stand around with your Wii in your hands while you wait for a computer to decide how it wasnts its steak done.

So go buy this game today and you too can be berated by a 3D model of this guy!

]]> http://majorleaguejerk.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/tim-treebow/ Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:15:12 +0000 Cousins of Ron Mexico http://majorleaguejerk.wordpress.com/2009/01/28/tim-treebow/

It’s wood that gives Shanoff wood.

Yes, this is a 7 and a half foot tall chainsaw sculpture of Football Jesus.

[Yahoo!'s Dr. Saturday]

PETA gets a perfect 10 for execution.

Too bad NBC thought it was a bit too racy. NBC’s official concerns with the commercial after the jump.

• licking pumpkin
• touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli
• pumpkin from behind between legs
• rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin
• screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)
• asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina
• licking eggplant
• rubbing asparagus on breast

You have to wonder how George Costanza would feel about this.

Also, the guitar sounds like Slash, doesn’t it? I can’t find anything saying Slash is involved with PETA so I have nothing to base it on besides my tonedeaf ears. But shit, if Slash can make somebody from American Idol sound like this, then he can certainly make a lady banging a vegetable cool. Wait, what?

This is Alec Greven. Little Alec wrote a book.

He’s 9.

And he wrote a book.

On how to talk to girls.

Kill. Me. Here we all are – Writing our cute little blogs. Posting pictures of half-to-3-quarters-naked girls and composing jokes about dicks and dumb athletes.

Meanwhile, Alec has written a fucking book. It started out as a 3-page pamphlet that he sold at his school’s book fair. Now it’s been published by Harper-fucking-Collins. I feel like enough of a failure everyday. Then I read about people like Chistopher Paolini and Catherine Banner and I just want to….

/runs out of room crying

But little Alec Greven. He’s 9. NINE! His book can’t be that good. It’s only 46 pages. I could write 46 pages of “Be nice to girls, but not too nice.” I swear this shit drains the life from me. Now, before I go out to the car, let me share the final sentence from the Post’s story with you:

Alec – who just finished a children’s book on the Watergate scandal – said he wants to be a full-time writer when he grows up, with a weekend job in archaeology or paleontology.

That my friends, is a fucking gem. He’s writing a children’s book. About Watergate. Who comes up with this shit? I couldn’t come up with anything that ridiculous. Kids that age haven’t even learned about Nixon and this kid is writing a book about it?

Halderman

Here are some more pictures of Alec spitting game from the Post.

Establishing higher value.

Opening a 2-set.

"Yup. Every one of them." - Alec

Let's ditch your ugly friend.

Hey kids! This box full of shit also works as a metaphor!

I blame myself. That’s right. I – like most of Idiot America – went to see Four Christmases this weekend with my girlfriend. I’m nothing if not a good boyfriend. She wanted to see it and as you know, I’m a sucker for a good Romantic Comedy. I saw Made of Honor in theaters. I recently viewed The Holiday. I’ve seen Love Actually a million times. I’m a little girl. Whatever.

Four Christmases sucked balls. It was horrendous. There was one funny part that wasn’t in the commercials. And that’s not saying much, because the commercials weren’t very funny. The one humorous part involved Jon Favreau and his wife playing Taboo.

But do you think the sold out, 400 seat theatre was quiet? Nooooo. The place was packed full of idiots laughing their asses off. It made me sick. There was one guy sitting right behind me who thought the movie was just about the funniest thing he’d ever seen. These people were dying when Vince Vaughn fell off the roof of his father’s house. Not that they hadn’t seen the exact scene 100 times previously on television. People would have thrown up from laughing so hard if someone had put a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos on.

I should have known when – I am not making this up – people were laughing at the Frank-fucking-Caliendo DirectTV-Seinfeld-commercial before the previews. Holy shit does that guy suck. And so does every person who thinks Frank Caliendo is funny.

Want to know why Charlie Weis’ job is in jeopardy? Bad attitude. He may or may not suck as a head coach, but that’s neither here nor there.

H/T: WhaleWatch.com

Big props go out to People Magazine who go the scoop of hot tasty scoops. Follow the jump for the secret to success.

It takes hard work to get into shape. Now if only she’d date a Cowboy!

What’s that? This is the first People link in the history of this site? Well then a preemptive “+1″ to me.

Warning: Nothing but “-quitor’s” until somebody wants to write a real post.

I’ll tell you what this blog needs – a Charlie Weis update! He told a recruit he’s returning. Huzzah! Urban Meyer just kicked some dirt and let out an audible, “Darn!”

Reading the new Golf Digest on the shitter and read this quote from El Niño…

I’ve been a star of four previous Ryder Cup teams. I don’t apologize for my poor performance.  It was time for somebody else to step up, like Paddy Harrington.  But he was tired.  That’s what he said: “I am so tired.” I wish he’d been tired in the British Open and PGA I gave him

Yea…incredible talent?  Absolutely.  On top of his game?  Check, double check.  Still needs someone to slap him upside the head?  You know it.

Then again, it’s comforting that some things never change.

My undying love for Sergio Garcia has reached critical levels.  There might be a total golf-splosion coming next spring if this keeps up and, dare I say it, there’s a legit Tiger rival now in golf. 

Disclaimer: I promise…this is going to be my LAST golf post EVER on here.  I will not post a single golf-related thing on here for as long as MLJ exists.  It was fun annoying all of you for these last few months with a sport nobody cares about, but this will be the last time I ruffle ya’ll’s feathers.  I promise…but an event like this needs to be adressed.

Sergio won the HSBC Champions event at wonderful Sheshan Golf Club in Shanghai, China in a Monday finish yesterday.  Why is this big news?  Well, because, with the win, it vaulted Sergio Garcia into sole possession of No. 2 golfer in the world, jumping Mickeltits, and only behind Eldrick, himself. 

Sergio was considered to be the next big thing in golf when he, as a 19-year old, pushed Tiger to the limit in the 1999 PGA Championship, showcasing his ridiculous ballstriking and creativity with his irons.  Along the way, Sergio had a multitude of maturity issues, complaining, spitting in the cup, etc, that threatened to derail what might be the most breathtaking talent outside of anyone not named Tiger Woods.  He’s that good, and what his run since May has done has propelled Sergio to the mantle of being the greatest player who’s currently playing golf.

Now, I realize that Sergio has yet to win a major.  Yes, that’s huge, but it’s not that big of a deal when you consider that, again, if you’re name isn’t Tiger Woods or Jack Nicklaus, golfers rarely win majors that early in their careers.  Sergio has come close numerous, numerous times, always failing at the end, but give the man some credit…he’s among the worst putters on tour statistically, but SECOND IN OVERALL SCORING AVERAGE.  Let that sink in…the dude can’t buy a putt yet is still the second best scorer in all golf.

That leads me to this, a statement some will think outrageous, but I think is actually a little underselling.  Sergio, from tee to green, has THREE peers (that asshole who got hurt, Vijay when he’s on and Anthony Kim) and Sergio is still better.  That’s it.  There is not one single golfer who can come close to Sergio when it comes to driving the ball or iron play, and only a handful of guys (Mickeltits, Tiger, Els, Vijay) who are as creative and ballsy with their shortgame.

So why am I now ready annoint Sergio as a legit Tiger rival?  Because he’s confident and responsible.

Forgive me for a little rambling, I’m still in shock after witnessing Sergio take down a top field and beat guys like Geoff Ogilvy, Phil, AK, Paddy, Ryder Cupper Oliver Wilson, Camillo Villegas, Adam Scott and the criminally underrated Henrik Stenson.  Sergio’s approaches with his wedges were simply perfection…controlling spin like an artist, stopping it on a dime, using the slope to give him a little help…it was a clinic. 

But what was the most ridiculous aspect of his game was his driving.  Simply put, there is no finer driver of the golf ball than Sergio Garcia.  He’s accurate as hell, gets a shit-load of roll on top of having the ability to carry it 280 on the fly.  When he’s a good 20 yards ahead of you and in the fairway, with his iron game, it’s almost not worth playing.  The strange thing is that he’s only 154th in Total Driving (measures distance plus accuracy off the tee) and he’s still fourth on the money list.  He started off terribly this year, hitting the ball everywhere, but in the last 3 months, there hasn’t been a better player, period. 

So why is he making it into playoffs instead of winning by 3 or 4 strokes?  Because of his flatstick.  Shame to say, he’s still a below average putter, but you know who else couldn’t really putt all that well?  Ben Hogan, he of 9 major wins.  Each player approaches the game a different way, but when you’re sticking it to within 10 feet every time, like Sergio, you get a little slack.

OK, now for the point of all this fellatio.  Why do I think Sergio has finally turned the corner?  Like I said before, he’s rounded into form.  He finished top-20 in his last 5 PGA events, including a no. 2 at the PGA.  He won the Spanish Masters.  He won the HSBC Championship.  Earlier in the season he won in arguably the toughest field in golf at the Players.  We’re in the midst of a Tiger-esque run here, and nobody acknowledges it.

Lets face it, Tiger’s run might be over.  Nobody knows how his knee is going to hold up, and the ligament he tore is crucial for the lateral snap through the ball that gave him his power.  Chances are good that the first action Tiger sees will be at Augusta, no small feat for your first competitive golf in 10 months.  And the only reason Tiger won the US Open to begin with was an outrageous hot-streak with his putter and playing on a course he’s played since he was 6.  The door is as open as it’ll ever be.

Time to get excited people…golf is going to be fun as hell to watch next season.  Anthony Kim is a legit superstar.  Tiger is going to be back.  Phil had an awful season, and still won three times with some of the worst putting on tour, which is uncharacteristic for him.  Vijay is ageless.  Hunter Mahan has burst onto the scene via the Ryder Cup.  There is talent everywhere with big named players peaking.  And the guy playing heads and shoulders better than anyone else?  Sergio. 

I’m saying it now.  Sergio Garcia is going to win TWO majors next year.  He’s going to break through at the venue where asshole New Yorker’s mercilessly heckled him for re-gripping, Bethpage Black, where he was shafted by the USGA for giving Tiger a perfectly timed weather break while he had to finish in 25 mph winds and heavy rain.  Sergio is going to win the British Open, by at least 3 strokes.  I have the utmost confidence in the world about this.  He’s going to be a legit contender for at least the next half decade, and I couldn’t be more excited.

OK, you can return to your regularly scheduled daily events now…I’m done boring you.

Last night the San Francisco 49ers fired their head coach, Mike Nolan, and promoted Mike Singletary to the position of interim head coach.  How the hell did we get here?  Wasn’t it just last year when Nolan was considered an up and coming head coach who had the team in the right direction?  How could that implode so quickly and so viciously?  Shit, the guy wears a suit!!!

Well, it didn’t happen overnight, and frankly, it’s not really all of Nolan’s fault, but I think we can all agree that since the Yorks assumed ownership of the 49ers they have been arguably the biggest laughingstock in the league behind Arizona, Oakland and Detroit. 

There were a number of elements that led them to this apocalyptic precipice of doom.  Teams don’t just magically turn to dogshit, it takes years and years of calculated effort to truly fuck up a once great organization.  So we’re going to take an outsider’s look as to what the hell went wrong…

Management had no plan for the future:  This isn’t just coaching hires either, it’s communication and a defined character the organization was going to mold, whether it’s successful or not.  Take a look at the Steelers…they are going in a relatively new direction with coach Mike Tomlin who isn’t a disciple of the 3-4, yet both he and the front office are looking to forge a team identity together with a goal in mind.  The 49ers didn’t do this, not by a long shot.

You build your team through the draft…and the 49ers have fucked theirs up royally.  Alex Smith was forced on Nolan by the team, and when you have a $50 million screwup, that’s going to have a residual effect.  For every Frank Gore and Patrick Willis there’s a Vernon Davis and a Joe Staley and an Alex Smith and a Manny Lawson, guys who just haven’t panned out at all at crucial positions. 

But what’s been more troubling is the total negligence to the defensive line.  Nolan wanted to run a 3-4…yet the team did not draft anyone suitable for that defense.  Sure Lawson had potential as a standup rusher on the edge, but what have they done on the DL?  They let Marques Douglas, the best 3-4 end in football not named Ty Warren last year, leave in free agency.  Bryant Young retired.  They never had a suitable NT, and haven’t even tried to draft one…yet they pour money onto skill position players like Nate Clements and Michael Lewis and for what? 

And Kentwan Balmer is a good player learning a new position…you expect him, and TOTALLY, EXTREMELY, INSANELY overrated Justin Smith to replace two guys who were PERFECT for the position?  Ugh.

Coaching hires were AWFUL:  Steve Marriucci was a decent coach who benefited from years of wise drafting to stock an established system.  Then come the Yorks who fired Mooch and replaced him with…Dennis Erickson?  Seriously?  Have you not seen him at one of his thousand NFL head coaching stints…failing miserably?  It wasn’t a surprise that he went 9-23.

But I’m not even talking about Nolan as being a bad hire…because I don’t think he was.  What I think was the worst decision the team made was letting Norv Turner go to San Diego and not even trying to retain him.  Norv actually established something in SF that worked, yet when it came time to pony up some cash, a counteroffer to what San Diego was offering was never made.  Why?  Your massive investment in Alex Smith actaully looked halfway decent…why not try and move it along?

And I’m not even going to mention the fact that they had Pete Carroll just sitting in their laps and they wouldn’t open up the wallet.  The ONE NFL team he’d probably go to…nevermind.  Moving along.

Cap Management:  Do you know who Donald Strickland, the CB is?  Well, he’s making $7.8 million this year.  Have you seen Alex Smith play yet?  Well he’s on the cap for $11 million.  Vernon Davis is living large at $3.4 million…for a tight end…who doesn’t catch or do block all that well.  Michael Lewis is making $4.2 million and is a total liability in coverage.  Isaac Bruce…yes, Isaac Bruce is making $4 million this year.  A special team’s ace, Tully Banta-Cain is making $3.2 million.

Now, why do I mention this and omit names like Patrick Willis, Frank Gore and Nate Clements?  They are all productive players at reasonable contracts considering what they give you.  Now, I’m sure you could point to the $10 million they have in cap space, but why would you do that?  What’s the point of having cap space yet having almost 40% of your available cap space tied up in guys Smith and Strickland? 

Cap space is a tricky thing because the salary cap is quite complex and when you boil it down, the most valuable players are the ones that are performing at a starter quality level for cheap contracts.  That’s why free agency can either be a great thing or ruin a team for years…look at the Cowboys and the Giants…the Giants are loaded with cheap players that fit their system and no single player, aside from probably Plax, Eli and Osi, are killing their cap.  Then look at the Cowboys who, in 2010, are projected to be over $15 million above the salary cap (the possibility of an uncapped year that year is beside the point) and have no defensive depth and a logjam of playmakers on offense.  Which team do you think will be sitting pretty for the near future and which one is going to fall off a cliff?

The Patriots have made a dynasty out of being smart.  They have some big contracts like Brady, Seymour and Moss on the books, but look at last year’s big players…Matt Light is dirt cheap for a LT, Ty Warren and Wilfork are BARGAINS, they milked Asante Samuel for everything he was worth and it paid off.  You draft smart and pay smart, chances are good you’ll be a highly successful team.  If you don’t…well, you get a 27-60 record since Mooch was fired.

Sure, there’s more that went into this proud franchise’s decay, but really, can you think of anything that has had a greater impact than these three things?  This was a process, a melange of bad ideas and bad management that, unfortuately, left a good guy and good coach like Mike Nolan shouldering the blame.  Should he take the fall all by himself?  Maybe, he mishandled some things and could’ve done a few things better, but how can you fully blame him considering the cards he was dealt? 

The blame goes on 49ers management…this is why their team sucks, and this is why they’ll suck until they get someone who knows how to run a football team in there.  Then again, I hate the 49ers so who gives a fuck?

Not sure how everyone here feels about MMA around here. Since there is a free display from the world’s leading organization tomorrow night, I thought I’d try to spread my Religion of Violence to the MLJ masses. (I like to think of it as MMAnifest Destiny.)

MMA has certainly been met with mixed reactions over at the mother ship. At TBL the comments don’t come as easily as with posts about other sports. (Especially compared to the super popular “Onion Baggin’” feature.)

I always get a kick out of the old standby: “Why would I want to watch two half naked doods roll around with each other?” Yes. The men have taken off their shirts. This is obviously the gheyest sport ever. Thanks for playing.

One of my favorite comments to ever show up in an MMA post was, “Kimbo Slice looks like he smells like cigarettes.” This one came sometime during the first EliteXC live-blog at TBL. I read it to my friends and we all died. Then we decided that it was true. Then we had a debate over just how racist that comment was. If you’re wondering, the scale we used to discuss this started at “pretty” and ran to “overtly.”

If odd looking men are something you might be interested in, then UFC 89 is for you. And they won’t suck like Kimbo Slice. Chris Leben – who spent some time in jail for a DUI earlier this year – will be sporting corn rows. Keith “The Dean of Mean” Jardine will look like a serial killer. His bald head and really scruffy goatee give him a look that’s undeniably creepy. And his goatee literally looks like the hair on a goat’s chin. Mark Wahlberg would want to talk to him about it.

Then there’s Sokoudjou. He looks like the Predator if the Predator hit the gym with TBL and really worked hard for a few months. When I went to Vegas to sit cage side (No big deal. I know people.) I saw Sokoudjou at the weigh-ins. It was kind of terrifying.

Have I talked about the fights yet? No? I doubt that matters. I just wanted to remind you that there’s free fighting on tomorrow night. This is the good shit. You usually have to pay 45-50 bucks for product like this.

Oh and if anyone comes across the Playboy spread of Rachelle Leah, please forward them along to alumnigonzo@gmail.com. I promise I’ll share them with the entire crew. I was going to pepper this post with pictures of Leah, but I figured Hef would get back from vacation and freak out. I don’t want to be the one to get in trouble for sexing the place up anymore than Rex already has.

For a more indepth and professional look at this weekend’s action, check out the UFC 89 Preview at TBL. It should be up at 5:15pm LFT. Don’t worry, I use the term “professional” loosly.

One of the golf blogs I frequent linked to this story about this guy who bought a property on historic Winged Foot Country Club in New York and had a temporary restraining order placed on the club until they remedy the errant shots that the owner has been complaining about.  That’s right…one of the most historic golf courses in the world, home to Phil Mickelson’s epic collapse in the 2006 US Open, is being forced to close a hole, because a guy who BOUGHT A FUCKING PROPERTY ON A GOLF COURSE is complaining about GOLF BALLS being hit onto his property.

Now, the guy has had about $14,000 worth of damage to his home since 2003 and has had five broken windows this year alone, and yea, that’s a pain in the ass.  But there’s a larger issue here…IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE GOLF BALLS HIT ONTO YOUR PROPERTY…and this is the important part…DON’T FUCKING LIVE ON A FUCKING GOLF COURSE!!!!!

This isn’t rocket science, as a matter of fact, any idiot with half a brain would be able to decipher this for themselves…but this dude, who manages to purchase a house at a club that is so exclusive that the members blocked the USGA’s proposal to have Winged Foot host another US Open because they don’t want their club to be seen and has a member list of CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, and one, Donald Trump, is getting exactly ZERO sympathy from me.  $14,000?  Shit, I’d be broke, but I’m more than confident that it’s chump change for Mr. Douche.

But here’s the point I’m trying to make in this little schpiel…if you are extremely affluent and can live anywhere you want to, don’t complain about something that’s extremely easy to fix.  What, exactly, were you expecting when you bought a house with a wonderful view of a GOLF COURSE from your deck?  You think that every golfer out there is a PGA pro?  shit, if Mickeltits was there, he might have hit an errant shot over your house and broken a window in your car.

But this rant isn’t aimed at this Epic Dickbag only…earlier this year, I took too much club on a par 4 and hit a ball over a fence into this guy’s yard.  He was just standing there, doing some yardwork and there were two courses of action he could’ve taken…he could’ve just handed me my ball or let me jump the small fence and get it myself.  I wasn’t going to hit off his PRECIOUS lawn and take a divot, I was going to pick it up.

Of course you know the guy just acted like a total dickbag and complained that too many people jump his fence and blah blah blah…if you’re going to be that big of an asshole, THEN, and I know I’m beating a dead horse here but…DON’T FUCKING LIVE ON A GOLF COURSE.  Golf is a hard game and 99.9% of golfers do not have control over their shots…so if a ball lands on your lawn, why are you going to be an asshole?  You mean you didn’t see this coming when you saw a green 20 feet from your house?  Could you seriously be that dumb?

So…if you read this, do me, and the golfing community, a favor.  If you ever purchase a home on a golf course, be cordial if an errant shot finds your property.  There’s nothing that ruins a golf round quite like having the clubface slightly open and losing your ball right, but still retrievable, yet some douchebag is stopping you from getting it because he’s salty that you hit it there.

End of rant.

Although we are still nine months from the 2009 Draft, it is never too early to get acquainted with some of the players your team will be drafting in June. The 2009 class isn’t shaping up to be as good as the 2008 one, but one area where they are strong is college pitching. 4 of the top 5 picks could potentially be college righthanders. There are a couple good high school catchers, and a couple high ceiling athletes, but no complete player in the class of Tim Beckham. But, the 2009 class has a literal and proverbial ace up its sleeve, with the best pitching prospect since Mark Prior, and one of the best ever.

Stephen Strasburg, Jr. RHP, San Diego St.

Strasburg had a 1.57 ERA for the Aztecs this year, and struck out 133 batters in 97 innings, including a 23 strikeout effort against Utah on April 11. Strasburg combines a mid 90s fastball with a great slider that is devastating to college hitters, and would be an above average pro pitch right now. Strasburg also made the Olympic team this summer, and was the best pitcher there as he shutout the Netherlands. Strasburg could make the same type of immediate impact seen by Tim Lincecum.

Alex White, Jr. RHP, North Carolina

White, the reigning ACC pitcher of the year, went 13-3 for the Heels and helped guide them to their 3rd straight CWS appearance. He struck out roughly 10 batters per 9 innings, and had a 1.18 WHIP. White does have a few control problems, as he walked almost 4 hitters per 9 innings. But White gives up very few extra base hits and home runs due to his great sinker, which is one of the best in recent memory. While he doesn’t have the stuff of Strasburg, I think he could be a Justin Verlander or Fausto Carmona type who can strike a guy out, but prefers to get a lot of early ground balls.

Aaron Crow, RHP, Fort Worth (Indy ball)

2 years ago Luke Hochevar turned down signing as a supplemental pick with the Dodgers and pitched for Fort Worth. A short time later he was the #1 pick of the 2006 draft by the Royals. Crow might not go #1 overall, but he is for sure a better pitcher than Hochevar. With a low to mid 90s fastball and excellent curve, Crow has the makings of a #1 starter, but a few red flags have been raised due to mechanical issues.

Kyle Gibson, Jr. RHP, Missouri

It’s shocking to me that Mizzou hasn’t made a CWS in recent memory, what with Max Scherzer, Aaron Crow and now Gibson leading the staff. Truth be told I don’t know a ton about Gibson, but at a thin 6′6″ he has a great pitcher’s body. He also has a very free and easy motion and although he only throws in the high 80s-low 90s right now, he should be able to add a few more MPH to his fastball as his body fills out. He is definitely a player to watch this Spring, as he was one of the top pitchers in the Cape this year, and could shoot up draft boards.

Grant Green, Jr. SS, USC

Named as Baseball America’s top prospect in the Cape Cod league, Green has come shooting up draft boards after a great Sophomore season in Los Angeles. Green has gotten compared to a couple of former Long Beach State Dirtbags Evan Longoria and Troy Tulowitzki. I see him as kind of a hybrid between the two. His bat isn’t as good as Longoria’s, but Green should be able to stick at shortstop defensively. His glove might not be as good as Tulowitzki’s, but I really think he’ll hit more than Tulo. Right now it’s looking like Green is going to be the first college position player taken in the 2009 draft.

Dustin Ackley, Jr. ???, North Carolina

It could be successfully argued that Ackley is the best pure hitter in the 2009 class. Ackley had an amazing .417/.503/.597 line as a Sophomore, while playing his home games at one of the best pitchers parks in America. Ackley also walked 53 times while striking out just 27. The main issue with Ackley is the question marks where the position would go. He has played mostly 1B at UNC, with some left field mixed in. But Ackley hit just 7 home runs last year, and that lack of power has some scouts worried. Ackley has had some arm troubles in his time at UNC and could potentially play centerfield, but only if his arm holds up. If he can prove that he can play centerfielder, he will be a surefire top 10 pick, but if not it really is a mystery at this point where he would be selected.

Hello folks. Two baseball games tonight, and I’ll have UTL up in a couple of hours, but for now a quick college football update. Not a quality start, but I suppose a quality kickoff of sorts.

Kansas 35, Iowa State 33: Iowa State took a 20-0 lead at halftime, but KU stormed back behind Todd Reesing, who threw 3 second half touchdowns, and Kerry Meier, who had 7 catches for 125 yards and 2 TD’s. Meier leads the nation in receptions per game, and could take the Biletnikoff Award away from Michael Crabtree. Reesing completed over 2/3 of his passes for 319 yards and 3 TDs.

Oklahoma 49, Baylor 17: Oklahoma’s offense keeps getting it done. Sam Bradford threw for 372 yards and 2 touchdowns, and has to be considered a Heisman frontrunner at this point. This might be Bob Stoops’s best team at Oklahoma, and that’s saying something.

Penn State 20, Purdue 6: Penn State continues its remarkable season as Evan Royster rushed for 141 yards and a touchdown. Penn State next locks horns with Wisconsin, who embarassed themselves by losing to Michigan last week.

Virginia Tech 27, Western Kentucky 13: How is Virginia Tech ranked? They suck.

Yale 31, Holy Cross 28 (OT): Bill Simmons’s alma mater loses to my cousin’s alma mater. By association: me> Bill Simmons. Also, if you haven’t checked out pictures of Yale’s stadium, do so now. Also, check out…

Harvard 27, Lafayette 13: …Harvard’s stadium, which was the first of the horseshoe variety. I will be disowned by my family if I say it is cooler than Yale’s so I’ll just say it’s really cool. Harvard does have the better hockey team though, I feel comfortable saying that.

Penn 23, Dartmouth 10: One of the great traditions in college football is when Penn fans throw toast at the end of the 3rd quarter to “toast” the team. Their stadium is good too, needless to say.

Alright that’s it. Check back tonight for UTL. By the way, I saw a Cubs fan today wearing the ugly batting practice caps with the dumb side panels, and a Mark Prior jersey. They’re screwed.

Coming into this season, all you heard from journalists and bloggers and commenters and fans of their teams was that the AFC was a powerhouse conference and the NFC was a giant shit stain that was only saved by the Cowboys who of course would go 15-1 or something. As the season is unfolding, we are learning that the AFC is not all that it is cracked up to be. I can’t yet answer for the Cowboy record but I don’t think they get more than 12 wins. They play in a very tough division in a good conference. Now for those of you who say, “Well if Tom Brady didn’t get hurt…blah blah blah” I ask you, how does one man make the entire conference? Seriously, before the great Brady went down he was part of an aging team that dominated a shitty conference. Let us look at each Conference and I will tell you how the AFC’s might was a myth perpetrated by the Media and Patriot fans.

1. New England Patriots were the best team again!

This is of course silly and wrong. Maybe Tom Brady’s presence make them better but Tom Brady is not the reason the Dolphins ran all over the Pats front 7 or that the Dolphins D decimated the offensive line. The Pats were being set up for a fall. They have a slow, aging offensive line that would have put Brady in trouble all season but managed to get their best player hurt in week 1. The Chiefs gave them a hard time. The fucking Chiefs. The Jets gave them a hard time. The Fucking Jets. The Dolphins destroyed them. The fucking Dolphins. I said in a previous post that one injury does not kill a 18-1 football team. Even if it is Tom Brady. I failed to see how porous their O-line was and how weak their defense really is. They can still win 10 games. Why? Because the AFC sucks.

2. It’s Really the NFC East not the NFC that is good.

Wrong. The 3 NFC East teams may be the best 3 teams in football but they are not the only 3 teams in that conference. The Packers still have an abundance of talent and a good defense. They lost to the Cowboys, one of the two best teams in football. The Vikings have a superb defense and a good offense. Their downfall is a shitty QB. They are well coached and will play well against anyone. The Cardinals and the 49ers are young and up coming teams. I like the Niners better because of the defense (which is better than the points they have given up) and the solid running game. But they can play with anyone. The NFC South is, well, they are OK. I ain’t going to lie. But their worst team is Atlanta and they are able to give other teams problems with their line play. The worst teams in the Conference are the Lions and Rams. They suck. But they are better than the Chiefs. I think they are on par with the Raiders, Dolphins and the Jets. Truthfully, the NFC has two really bad teams. The AFC has 4 minimum. Six if you look at the Browns and Bengals. I think those teams have talent and are just poorly coached. I think teams like the Saints, Bears, Seahawks and Redskins can bring it to any of the middle rung AFC teams. Speaking of Middle Rung…

3. The New Blood at the Top of the AFC.

Denver, Buffalo, and Tennessee all look like good football teams. But they are not complete. Denver’s record is deceiving. They have barely hung on for two wins and one was given to them by Ed Hoculi. They have a nice offense but a shaky D. Truthfully, the Chargers and still the best team in the conference. They are flawed. They have major pass rushing issues. Buffalo may win the division but they need to prove themselves. I am not sold on Trent Edwards. Tennessee has a tremendous defense but their quarterback is Kerry Collins. He can do some good work but is he the guy you want leading you to victory in the playoffs? How about Pittsburgh? That offensive line is hideous. Big Ben is going to miss time this year. Willie Parker already is. Jacksonville was a one hit wonder. I think they can muck it up but please. The Colts. Well, they do have Peyton on one bad leg giving you his best and the Defense is OK but without Bob Sanders they are going to get run all over. The O-Line is going to make Manning’s life a living hell. It will also provide Joesph Addai with about 2 yards a carry. They are getting by on name recognition alone. They are an old team with old players like Marvin Harrison ruining their legacy.

4. The World Champion New York Football Giants got hot and won. It was luck.

Obviously false. Let’s look at somethings. That team was coming off the retirement of a star Running back and their best player missed half of training camp. It took them a few weeks to pull it together. They were a young team with growing pains that made mistakes and still won ten games. They then cut out the mistakes and used their obvious mismatches to win them a Super Bowl. This year they came in, fixed their secondary and the young talent is now experienced. So, for anyone to think this team wasn’t for real is just delusional. This team, along with Dallas, are primed for a serious 2-4 year run at dominating football. The Eagles built up some talent and of course use their Offensive line to flourish with McNabb and Westbrook. They got a breakaway receiver in Desean Jackson. I don’t know how real they are though. They have defensive issues. The Cowboys have the names and the talent. They lack a bit in their secondary but overall have a good defense. That leaves the Champs and Cowboys as the two most complete teams in football. The Chargers are the only ones who can claim to be as complete but then again they lost their best pass rusher which has virtually shut that aspect down. They have some injury issues with key guys but they can be overcome. So what I am saying is the Chargers are the only team that can even fathom playing in the NFC East and in turn the NFC. That means that the NFC is truly dominant and the AFC reign of terror is just another chapter in NFL history.

I thought I was done with it, slate wiped clean, new beginnings and all that.  I thought I would never have Todd Boeckman anywhere near my preferred gridiron teams ever again, but no.  No, no, no.

Sunday was a glorious day for me.  I had no tee time, no responsibilities, nothing at all to do.  It was a gloriously sunny day, my stash was full and one of my favorite sporting events was starting off with a match between two of my favorite golfers.  My NFL team was playing at 4:15, giving me plenty of time to let the golf wash over me in preperation for the Browns first win over a gay Baltimore team.

All was going according to plan until the Browns game…when Todd Boeckman suddenly showed up wearing Derek Anderson’s no. 3 jersey.  What the hell?  How’d he get here?

Fuckin’ Boeckman.  Seriously dude, you suck at both football and at life.  Well, I’m sure you’re not too bad at life, but you’re so bad at football, the lines are blurred to the point where your life gets dragged into the equation.  At least Craig Krenzel overcame his lack of talent with being a scientist or some shit like that.

Anyways, back to the Boeckman infestation. 

Todd Boeckman reared his ugly head in Baltimore this weekend, my friends, and it wasn’t pretty.  As a matter of fact, I’m certain that it was actually Todd Boeckman in that uniform rather than DA, because I’ve seen DA make NFL caliber throws, and what was happening on Sunday was Boeckman-esque, i.e. throwing directly to defenders, checking down every single fucking pass, and throwing deep ONLY when there’s quintuple coverage. 

It was a vintage Boeckman performance…and apparently, every team in Ohio has been stricken by this awful disease.

Carson Palmer, a once capable QB who was considered one of the premeir talents before getting Stillered by a cheap shot, and even then was upper tier, is now relegated to being utter filth, not even worth a trade for Todd Heap in one of my fantasy leagues.  What the hell happened, he’s still throwing to Ocho Cinco and TJ Houshmazilly, just like DA is still throwing to Lt. Winslow and Braylon.  There’s only one possible explanation for all of this.

Todd Boeckman.

In Saturday’s game against Troy, Todd Boeckman, to the surprise of every single educated viewer, played.  Shocking, I know, especially considering that his replacement, a capable albeit, inexperienced talent threw 4 TD’s while only taking 60% of the snaps.  Now, if I were to tell you that you could either play a young, otherworldly skilled QB who is a threat to score on the ground or through the air every time he touches the ball and looked like one of the best players on the field against the best team in college football or Todd Boeckman, who would you choose?  Would Boeckman even get a single play in? 

But that’s not the way it works in Ohio football hell.  In football hell, you keep your best players on the bench and remain loyal to big and strong, but retarded players.  Yea, who needs Brady Quinn, a guy who by all accounts looks like an NFL starter at QB, when you have DA?  Sure, Brady is more accurate, smarter with the ball, more mobile and is obviously more mentally tough (seriously, how can Brady even browse the internet?), but DA is, um…I got nothing. 

Same thing with Boeckman.  There’s ONE thing Boeckman had over Terrelle Pryor…experience. 

Let me tell you something, if there’s anything more overrated in sports, it’s experience.  Sure, guys like Zach Thomas and Tedy Bruschi can get away with diminished physical skills because they’ve seen enough to read offenses extremely quick, but a younger player, like Patrick Willis, can make a wrong step and still get there.  Yay.

Did experience hurt the Marlins when they beat the Yankees in the World Series a long time ago?  Didn’t seem like it.  Did it hurt the Giants last year, when only a handful of their players had Super Bowl experience?  Not to my eyes.  How’d the US Ryder Cup team do this year, with six rookies?  Looked pretty good.

Let this little schpiel teach you something.  Don’t accept the status quo.  Just because something has been there before doesn’t mean it’s better than something more talented that hasn’t.  Don’t let Todd Boeckman into your homes, people, because once he’s there, he’s not moving, and even when you do get him to start moving, his mere presence is enough to taint an entire year’s supply of footbally goodness. 

I offer this advice, not only as a concerned party, but as one of the afflicted.  I’ve lived with Todd Boeckman for too long, and it’s not fun, not at all.  So, if you see one of your football coaches makinga  decision like this in the near future…don’t just sit there and accept it, be proactive.  Write a letter.  Leave a note.  Send an email.  Hire a skywriter.  Plant drugs in his car and make an anonymous phone call to the police.  Anything…because a life with Todd Boeckman is not a life at all.

With the season ending the baseball world turns its eyes to Fall/Winter leagues, with the most prominent of these being in Hawaii and of course Arizona. We’ll have a write-up on the Arizona Fall League in a couple of weeks, but this year’s HWB slate may feature more prominent names than Arizona for the first time ever.

While in past years Hawaii has given us Matt Weiters and Joba Chamberlain, this year there are multiple players who will make the trek to paradise. We start with Andrew Brackman. Most casual sports fans will remember him as a forward for the NC State basketball team, but baseball fans know him as the 30th overall pick by the Yankees who subsequently underwent Tommy John surgery and as of now hasn’t thrown a professional pitch. Brackman hit up to 99 mph on the gun during his Junior year at NC State, but suspect control and injury related issues made him a dubious first round pick. On top of that, he was signed for a $4.5 million major league contract on top of a $3.35 million bonus.

Five first round selections will take part in this years HWB season, all college players. The players are 5th overall pick and Golden Spikes Award winner Buster Posey, 10th overall pick (and Cape Cod League teammate of Buster Posey) Jason Castro, Reds first rounder Yonder Alonso, Mets first rounder Reese Havens and Yankees supplemental first rounder Jeremy Bleich, who had a fantastic start for Stanford in the College World Series. Another notable is former Little League World Series champion Todd Frazier, who had a good debut for the Reds in 2008.

Usually the main attraction of HWB is the fact that it’s in Hawaii, but this year there will be some excellent baseball to go along with it.

This Ryder Cup has been extremely, extremely, extremely tits.  If you’re an American, you owe it to yourself to watch today, and root on our greatest hope to beat the unbeatable bullies from across the pond.

Sergio vs. AK: Best matchup of the day.  This pairing is giving me a proverbial, aw hell, it’s not like I’m fooling anyone, and literal golf boner.  It’s a triumphant veiny bastard just thinking of watching two of the five most talented players go at it with national (or continental) pride on the line is fuckin’ awesome.  This is must watch TV, and the best part is, it’s starting early enough I won’t miss any of the Browns game.

Casey vs. Mahan: This is another fantastic matchup…golf boner x2.  I thought AK was going to be the US’ Sergio…well, he looks like it but so does Mahan.  We’re in good, good hands for the next decade’s worth of these things.

Karlsson vs. Leonard: Gotta think that Karlsson is the heavy favorite, and even though Leonard was incredible when paired with Hunter Mahan, Karlsson has been very impressive for the Euros.  If he played in the States more, he’d be a lot more well known.

Rose vs. Mickeltits: Hype factor, but neither of these guys deliver all that much.  Both guys can put low, low numbers up there, and Mickeltits IS a top 5 golfer (tho I’d put him behind Vijay and Sergio as of recently) so there should be some fireworks out of this group.  Phil has been solid throughout the week, but if he really wants to take some of the post-Tiger spotlight, he needs to come up big and close this thing out 4&3.

Stenson vs. Perry: I hate to say it but Perry is done for.  His early season heroics were nice and they got him here, but his game is nowhere near what it was back in June.  Stenson on the other hand is the type of player that we as American fans should be scared shitless of.

Wilson vs. Boo: Oliver who?  Go Boo.

Hansen vs. Holmes: This is what I was hoping for…Soren Hansen getting outdriven by 50 yards every hole and getting rolled.  Let’s just hope JB can keep the hot streak running.

The Mechanic vs. Furyk: Great matchup…this will be fantastic on the last hole.  Both players are solid, collected and know how to win.

McDowell vs. Cink: Boring.  I’m not a big Stewart Cink fan…can’t explain it.  He’s a nice guy, but he has so much game and such a small trophy case…when he was coming out of Georgia Tech, he was supposed to be Tiger’s rival.  So much for that.

Poulter vs. Stricker: Poulter has been incredibly solid for the Euros and Stricker has ice water in his veins.  This is going to be awesome, I can just feel it.

Westwood vs. Curtis: Two words: Blowout.

Paddy vs. Campbell: I’m a little worried about the US team being top-heavy.  On one hand, they can almost assure the Cup is coming back home if they start out hot, but if any of those matches don’t turn out the US’ way and the Euros get some momentum, the only thing keeping them from taking the lead is Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell?  I understand you want to put your foot on their throat, but if there’s ANY wiggle room, you have Lee fucking Westwood going up against your weakest player and then Big Balls Paddy against Chad Campbell?  That’s not comforting.

Anyways…watch and enjoy.  Should be some good stuff if the NFL games aren’t really appealing…plus…USA! USA! USA!

For the past two seasons, Monkeykong and I have had a running joke. We noticed early on that the interior defensive line of the World Champion New York Football Giants was good. Part of the reason is a 4th round draft pick from Northwestern named Barry Cofield. The last time, the WCNYFBG had a young defensive tackle this good was in the early part of the decade. His name was Cornelius Griffin. Well, he was so good that the New York papers took notice and so did that overpaying asshat Daniel Snyder and they made him an offer he couldn’t refuse and he left a great historic franchise to play for money in Washington. Fortunately, he tanked for the Racists and it became a moot point. But it stung anyway. Well, as we noticed Barry Cofield making play after play against the run and clogging up the middle along with Freddie Robbins allowing the Champs D-Ends to run rampant in the opponent’s backfield we have decided not to utter his name when he makes a good play. We just turn to each other, put out index fingers over our lips and go “Shhhhhhh”. The secret. The key. We want this guy going nowhere. And Freddie Robbins is just as important. The Front line of the World Champion New York Football Giants is going to get a lot of press. As it should. Most of it will be devoted to Justin Tuck. As it should. But I just want to give a hat tip to the workman of the defense. The Tackles.

Barry Cofield and Freddie Robbins with a bit of an assist from Jay Alford, are the heart and soul of the WCNYFBG defense. Fred Robbins is a vet that has bounced around a bit before he found his home in New York. He is a big dude, with a nasty streak that can pass rush as well as any interior lineman in football. What he does is he takes advantage of the interior offensive lineman with not just his size but his freakish speed. He gives the D-Line a third speed pass rusher. Last year, when the the Champs were lining up Strahan, Tuck, Robbins, Umenyiora on passing downs it was a nightmare for the other teams. Who do you double cover? Who do you focus on? Should we run? Fuck no. 3 out of the 4 guys are just as good against the run. You can see now how that team won a Super Bowl. It gives teams with a slower Offensive line (i.e. Dallas, Green Bay and New England) a tough match up and does not give a pass first offense (i.e Dallas, Green Bay and New England) a chance to create and for receivers to get open.

This year, with Strahan retiring and Umenyiora injured, Robbins and Cofield will have to play all the passing downs. As Robbins had experience with that, Cofield was taken off the field for 80% of those plays last year. Tuck was put in as the Tackle for obvious reasons. In the offseason, knowing he needed to improve his pass rushing skills to get on the field on those plays, he started an offseason training regiment with Fred Robbins that would shed some weight and improve his speed, or at least quicknesss and stamina. So far, it has paid off. Robbins and Cofield have been an absolute terror on the Racists and Rams offensive lines. They have torn up the guards and centers letting Antonio Pierce and Danny Clark move in to make big run stopping tackles. They have broke through and rushed the passer along with Kiwanuka and Tuck to make a quarterback’s life a living hell. They stop runners behind the line and even control the O-line enough to allow Kiwi to drop into coverage on screen passes. It has been an absolute pleasure to watch. The D-Line’s ability to hold the line with four guys has made it easier on the defensive backs and allows the Champs to do nickel packages with 3 safeties just in case the team does try to run. You are going to hear a lot this year about Justin Tuck. Hell, you are going to hear a ton of it from me. He is the type of dynamic Defensive end that the man he is replacing was. How often does a team get to get two guys just like each other back to back? Umenyiora is definitely the better pass rusher but Tuck stops the run just like Strahan. But don’t forget the two guys that make all of this possible. The unsung warriors of the World Champion New York Football Giants. Fred Robbins and Barry Cofield. The best Defensive Tackle tandem in football. But just don’t tell anyone.

I have noticed that a friend of ours, let’s call him S O96 or Spencer O, was down in the dumps a bit about a certain football team based in Cleveland. Now, I happen to know how he feels. I happen to follow a certain New York based Championship football team that has a very similar story to Cleveland’s. Last year, my team got blown out in the Opening game against the same team Spencer’s did. They had a whole bunch of expectations going into the season and also had new players getting involved on the defense and they did not play very well. Things got ugly a week later when a mythical creature named Brett Favre game into the home of the future Champs and creamed them and made me and a friend named MonkeyKong leave the stadium very sad. But something happened. Something unexpected. That defense started to gel and they started to play well together. Their strengths started to cover up for their weaknesses and the offense did enough to win with a Quarterback, who was talented yet flawed, a bruising Running Back and a Dynamic Wide Receiver. They did not win the division. The Division leader was a much hated nationally followed football team that everyone thinks is very Bruce. Except clown who is very Bruce himself. Well, my New York based Championship football club made the playoffs, overcame a demon in winning a playoff game for the first time in 8 years and then went into the big bad national team’s home and beat the pretty boy Quarterback and the rest of his team of overpriced over hyped douchebags. In the process they ruined the owner’s facelift and made the Wide Receiver, who disappears in big spots, cry. They then went to the home of the mythical Favre and beat his old pathetic ass in the cold by intercepting his last pass in his favorite city and kicking a field goal by a terrible kicker to go to a big magical game called the Super Bowl.

In the Super Bowl, the Good yet flawed Quarterback rose to the occasion and the mighty defense held a previously undefeated team down and kept a victory within it’s grasp. Then they slayed the mighty undefeated Massholes by using a miracle play and the Dynamic Wide Receiver juked out an overmatched Ellis Hobbs to catch the winning touchdown. All of this should give you reason to believe Spencer. Looking at a certain Cleveland football team, I see a Good yet flawed Quarterback, a Dynamic Wide Receiver and a bruising Running back. I see a defense with some talent that needs to gel. I also see them in a division with a nationally followed team with a big time quarterback and I also see a certain mythic creature in a new city possibly giving a new team a chance to blow a Championship game. Now, do I think Cleveland’s football team can follow this path? I don’t see the same defensive line as the Championship football team in New York but they are not terrible. But there is one more X Factor that plays into Cleveland’s chance at following this fairy tail:

This guy is still your fucking coach and in no way will he lead your team anywhere but to the fucking buffet line. So no, your team is fucked. I hope you enjoy watching Joe Thomas waste his prime with a shit football team.

Just so you know, I have a 9 AM class and I started this little endeavor when it was 1-0 in the 3rd set, approximately at midnight. The things I do for you people.

I’m a tennis fan, but not a huge fan. I have my favorites (James Blake, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Roger Federer) and my dislikes (Rafa Nadal, Novak Djokovic) but outside of the majors I don’t get too riled up over tennis.

But majors are a different story. For four tournaments, eight weeks a year I am all about tennis. I watch endless hours of coverage on ESPN and ESPN2, and I debate getting the Tennis Channel. 

I love how the majors are spaced out throughout the calendar. The French Open and Wimbledon are spaced just a month apart, both in the Summer when it seems like you or I could go to our local court and hit the ball around just like they do. The US Open is right after school starts, so in a way it both ends one year and begins another. And finally, the current major takes place at the start of a new semester, a fresh start for both students and tennis players. One minor difference however is that today it was -16 degrees on campus today, and it was about 130 degrees on court at the Australian Open

Rare is the tennis match that has everything: Two great players with power games who can make every shot? check. A match late into a Grand Slam? check. A match where the elements are so tough that they push both players to the brink of their fitness? check. 

Although I think Andy Roddick is overrated, and I can’t stand Novak Djokovic, there is no denying that they are two of the top 10 players in the world. In the first set Djokovic was unreal, serving everything in the corner, hitting winners off the line like the line was the size of the court. But yet Roddick was equal to the task and forced a tiebreak, which Djokovic won to move to 4-0 vs. Roddick all-time in tiebreaks. In the second set Roddick was able to get a break to win the set 6-4. Sometime early in the 3rd set, it was mentioned that Roddick had just 10 unforced errors thus far in the match. For someone with the type of game that he does, that is phenomenal. Roddick was serving great, but making sure he kept things in bounds. Roddick can afford to really go after his 1st serve because his 2nd is so good.

12: 12 Early in the 3rd set Djokovic had to go to the trainers to get ice around his neck and replenish his fluids. Roddick however was the picture of fitness, ably chasing down balls every point. But it was Djokovic who got the 3 minute evaluation period to determine whether or not he could continue. In my mind this is a bad rule, as it punishes Roddick who was playing excellently. Predictably, Roddick came out and offered three double faults in a row, although he eventually won his service game. I must say Roddick has impressed me so far, as he has been totally fresh all match and he has made Djokovic run for balls to tire him out even more, and Roddick showed a willingness to run down balls himself, proving to Djokovic who the better conditioned athlete was.

Djokovic tried to hit winners early in points, but Roddick kept getting him into long rallies, and Djokovic was broken yet again to fall behind 5-2 in the 3rd set. Roddick then came out and held at love to win the 3rd set. The commentators (Dick Enberg, Cliff Drysdale, Patrick McEnroe) wondered if Djokovic would retire, and seemingly implored him to do so.

12:33 In the first game of the 4th set, Djokovic (on serve) has played ok, but not well enough. He hit a fabulous dropshot that Usain Bolt couldn’t have gotten to, but Roddick somehow did and he spanked a winner cross-court. Djokovic fought off 3 break points to hold in the first game, but it all looks bleak for the defending champ. 

As I say so, Roddick smokes an ace right passed him, his 16th of the match. As I type the temperature on court has gone up to 142 degrees, but there is some shade creeping in. No problems and nothing of note in the 2nd game, as Roddick holds easily. 

In Djokovic’s service game, it is apparent he has unraveled. His legs are totally gone and he has no heat on his serve, and he is hitting forehands terribly wide. Three terrible errors leave it at love-40. Roddick is just toying with Djokovic now, almost blocking the ball back to him, daring Djokovic to hit a great shot, which he cannot. Roddick breaks at love to go up 2-1.

12: 38 And it’s official. Novak Djokovic has retired and Roddick will move into the semifinals. The 26 year old has proved that he has worked hard enough to perhaps win this tournament. Roddick will now face the winner of the Juan Martin del Potro-Roger Federer match. Federer absolutely owns Roddick, but seeing how well Roddick has been playing that would be a fantastic match.

12:41  So this match pretty much went straight South from the time I started posting, but the earlier stuff I watched was fantastic. Alas, it’s time for me to sign off folks. This was a little discombobulated but I think I’ll be live-blogging the Australian Open men’s final this weekend, so make sure you stop by for that. I had a great time watching the match, and hopefully you guys will check out a bit of a match sometime this week.