okay, i get it.

i very well get it.

i won’t do that any more.

i wish to reason out and ask for an explanation but it would just appear to be childishly unnecessary.

i’ve been wanting to know if everything i say is too childish to you.

;

different lives have different worries.

just when i’ve decided to spend the time left here in a better way, i kinda stumbled.

it’s just like 2 waves in a complete anti-phase. the amplitudes just totally cancel out each other when they meet according to the principle of superposition. moreover, it’s either silence or different frequencies. weirdly said. when physics is absolutely out of my life, i take things in a physics-like way. why must i be like this? i just let a little thing affect me?!

An, snap out of this! you hear me?! stop dwelling in this!

;

LOL, melodramatic to the max! -_- it’s like 1 An is shaking and slapping the other An to make her awake.

;

wanna watch Fringe more. it really triggers my full sense and attention. i kept screaming during the episode lol. i bet the person living next door was wondering what was wrong with me. gah, i can only watch 3 more episodes of Flash Forward and 3 of Fringe.

;

the talk with Zixin today left me thinking and i can’t think through. future. i really wanna know how future will be like.

;

well, i’m starting to talk nonsense. i’d better stop.

An Damaris <3 Jesus

I really want to eat

1. Mac&Cheese from Kenny Rogers
2. The usual at Jin Wee – Hainanese pork chop, salted vegetable+tofu soup, kailan/kangkong, fuyong egg
3. The usual at House of Sudanese – Beef Rendang, soto ayam, the deep fried dancing fish, whatever it’s called, sambal kangkong and bbq chicken
4. Pizza from Peperoni Pizzeria
5. Satay (Stall 8), crispy noodles, sambal kangkong and stingray from Lau Pa Sat (Festival Market)
6. Spaghetti Cabonara from La Strada
7. Stracci Ai Gamberi E Capesante from Pasta Brava
8. CHAR KWAY/KUAY (however you spell it) TEOW from Lau Fu Zi at Old Airport Road
9. Xiao Long Bao from Din Tai Fung
10. Beach Road Prawn Mee
11. Parma ham on rock melon from almost any good Italian restaurant
12. The awesome beef steak and Tiramisu from Prego
13. Set lunch and Devonshire Tea Set from Fosters
14. A lot of things from Canelé
15. Potato salad from Da Paolo
16. Chilli Beef Fries and Portobello Mushroom Burger from Carls’ Jr
17. Mee Soto and potato croquette from Amir & Nur Aniqah Mee Soto and Mee Rebus at Adam Road Food Centre
18. Nasi Goreng from Adam’s Delights at Adam Road Food Centre
19. Zaru Soba and Phoenix Roll from Sushi Tei
20. TEH TARIK + REVERSO Ice Cream and Mud Pie from Island Creamery
21. Macdonald’s McSpicy, McWings, various items on their breakfast menu and french fries w/ garlic chilli
22. From Marche – sweet crepe (bananas, strawberries, mascarpone and chocolate drizzle), pork knuckle, roasted potatoes, rosti~
23. Soursop ice cream from Ice Cream Gallery
24. Churros, Belgian waffles, warm chocolate souffle and some sort of nice hot chocolate drink from Max Brenner
25. Bi Bim Bap from Doong Ji (formerly known as Togi)
26. Meepok from LTN
27. Chicken rice from Katong Shopping Centre or Eng Kee Hainanese Chicken rice, porridge
28. Seafood Avocado Cabonara Fettucine from Shokudo
29. $1 Passion fruit red tea, Neptune Dim Sum and roast meats rice from Marine Parade Market
30. Chicken curry noodles from Marina Square’s Food Court
31. Shihlin mee sua and crispy chicken
32. Chippy’s fried mars bar, cheese sausage and beer battered fish
33. Punggol Nasi Lemak!
34. Sauteed black pepper beef from Crystal Jade Kitchen
35. Curly fries and root beer float from A&W (can eat this when visiting dad /:     )
36. Pandan chicken, Tom Yam soup and fish from Aroy Thai
37. Double boiled soup – old cucumber w/ pork ribs, lotus root, corn+carrot+pork rib (sometimes potato and onion), salted vegetable w/ duck
38. The ultimate beef shabu shabu from Furano, Hokkaido, Japan
39. Seafood bucket from Bubba Gump
40. Meatballs, poached salmon, ice cream and hot dog from Ikea Restaurant
41. Baked rice, seafood pizza and meatball pasta from The Pizza Place
42. I hate to say it but Fish & Co.
43. Beef bowl from Yoshinoya
44. Teppanyaki from Wisma’s Food Republic
45. BBQ Chicken Wings from Old Airport Road
46. Otah thick toast from Toast Box
47. Katong Laksa

I could go on…forever. I love the food we have here in Singapore (hahaha Cheryl) and I’m giving up my match tonight because……..

You can’t really go there in a complete state of happiness because you’re scared it’s going to be taken away. So it’s better just not to feel anything at all and to have hope to feel the other way.

I am not sure how many of you have heard of Batting Stance Guy, but he is hilarious and literally on the mark. The first video was described as ‘An Ode to the 2009 Yankees’ and the second video is Yankees past and present. Enjoy!

After hearing from a friend how consuming new clothing supports different types of illegal trade (child labor and even sex trafficking), I realized I probably could go without buying any new clothes for myself for awhile. The statistics my friend gave me regarding consumerism in America were nothing I hadn’t heard of before. But quite honestly, I’m tired of going to more benefit concerts, watching more Flash videos of poor kids in Southeast Asia, and listening to more pleading sermons – if I’m not taking away from the problem, I’m still contributing to it. I decided in July, not to buy any new clothes for myself until 2010. I have bought clothing from thrift stores (primarily for costume purposes…) but nothing completely new. I know, it sounds ridiculous – many people go many months without buying clothes. But I’m a pretty typical girl with pretty typical wants and sometimes, that retail therapy pang strikes.

Since July I realize I really can make do with what I have – no surprises there. I’ve found new ways to accessorize with things I already have and I’m doing a lot less laundry, which saves me time and money and preserves natural resources. I used to think it was complicated to live consciously but in taking small steps here and there, it’s not as difficult as I thought it would be. I used to be quite consumed with checking fashion blogs and websites, wanting to be up on recent trends. It’s kind of nice to admire those things knowing I wouldn’t act on my desires to actually be trendy. And I’m not that unstylish wearing clothes I bought years ago…

For me, this isn’t a religious thing – it’s also out of the genuine concern I have for how much I personally consume. I don’t write this to condemn, but sincerely believe that for myself, I’ll do what I can to make a dent in the amount of consumption that occurs in this country. Consider these statistics when you go shopping:

Statistics taken from a recent sermon by Pastor Mike Erre of Rock Harbor Church.

I’m going to see how long I can go without buying any new clothing. And this Christmas, I’m hoping not to consume on behalf of others so I plan on making my presents donations to organizations and families I support. Plus giving books and music. Books and music are always good. Do you want to make a dent? If so, how?

My internets went on strike yesterday.  It was so frustrating.

It pretended it was working, which was the most devious and upsetting thing about it, and it allowed me to send e-mails even, which got my hopes up.  Then, when I tried to actually do something like log in to my blog for example, it coughed and sputtered and whirred and then died on its arse.  Repeatedly.

I went to bed thinking that this morning would mean holy water, exorcisms and help desk support (Lord save us), but it fired up beautifully and here I am.  The internets works in mysterious ways.  I am glad I refrained from ‘itting it wiv an ammer.’

Not that there was much to report yesterday.  The day kind of became a metaphor for the behaviour of the internets, or vice versa.  I had many plans, non of which came to fruition.  Instead I had visits from lots of lovely people and spent the large part of the day sat round the kitchen table eating my first Panettone of the Christmas season and discussing why housing estates have such peculiar names for their roads.  Oh yes.  We know how to debate the hot issues in this house.  We do not flinch in the face of uncompromising political debate.

I don’t know if this is just the case in England, and I am hoping you will share your international tales of bizarre road names with me, but here they tend to choose a theme when they are tackling the issue of road names on estates.  I find this very perturbing.  Housing estates tend to be very samey (I have noticed in Canada that housing estates have much more variety in terms of what the houses look like), the houses are all built to a similar pattern and laid out the same way, which causes me to get hideously lost quite often, should I ever need to navigate my way through one.  To add insult to injury, all the road names are also similar which just causes further confusion.

When I was a teenager I lived for a while with a friend while my parents juggled houses and ended up living in the wilds of Lincolnshire for several months.  As I was doing exams at the time this was not very convenient, hence my stay with friends.  They lived on such an estate in a twee, hell of a village called Burbage.  They lived on what was called the ‘flower power’ estate.  The roads, as you might guess, had names like; Marigold Drive, Azalea Avenue, Lupin Close etc.  One night after school my friend and I ended up having an almighty row about something and she ran off and left me to find my way home alone. 

This was disastrous.  All the houses looked the same and all the roads sounded the same.  What should have taken me twenty minutes to walk took over an hour.  By the time I had arrived back at her house, footsore and weary, I vowed never, ever to live on a flower based housing estate.  So far I have managed to keep that promise.

The reason we were discussing such things yesterday, apart from the fact that that is how the random reaches of my brain works and nothing I do stops it, is that when I was walking to my friends house last week (and getting lost), I noticed that all the roads on her estate are named after the Normandy Landings.  This is deeply troubling to me. 

As I trotted past Juno Drive and Sword Road and Omaha Cul-de-Sac I found it harder and harder to reconcile the bloody death of thousands of young men fighting fascism with sand in their undercrackers with the neat privet hedges, double garages and mock Tudor cladding I saw stretching out before my eyes.  I wondered which member of the council’s planning department had walked through these asphalted ways and suddenly had that Eureka! moment: ‘I know what this reminds me of! The Normandy Landings!’

Bizarre. 

There is an estate in Leicester, which is one of the roughest and most unpleasant parts of the city, full of pathetically short, high rise buildings which are falling to bits and have been since I was a child. It is named after Canadian cities, Ottowa Road, Quebec Rise, Toronto Alley.  Anything less representative of Canada I have yet to come across.

Then there is the forward thinking council who this year named some of the roads on one of their new estates after places in Terry Pratchett’s Ankh Morpork from the Discworld books.  There is now a Treacle Mine Road, which can only be a good thing, even if it is somewhere like Swindon, and not at all how you would imagine Treacle Mine Road to be.  Still, at least they’re trying eh?

So internets.  My life this week involves  much running around after children, extreme application to the Highway Code and hundreds of deathly chores.  Apart from the fact that Oscar fell over in the playground on Friday and has a scabby nose to go with his pinched cheeks and holey toe I have nothing of interest to report and am going insane with stress, so please send me tales of road name excitement.  Or anything.  Anything that isn’t information on the minimum depth of tyre tread over 3/4 of the tyre surface.

The thought of you up there is supposed to be comforting. But all it does it make me cry because I see you whole and well and full of life and I wish I could better remember you like that down here. But my memory of my childhood isn’t very good or vivid. And my memory of good moments is failing me often so that mostly I remember that one fight when you slept on the couch after or the time you fell while I was watching you and the way your eyes looked so afraid.

Tonight’s thoughts and feelings were set off by something trivial. Something I wish you were here to be protective and fake mad over. Though I know it’s something you would have probably never known of. I guess I’ve had a lot of time to think of things I wish I had a Dad for, mostly silly and unnecessary.

Mohitoz’ Law #162

Gatecrashing a Presidential dinner is a Capitol idea.

Michael and Tareq Salahi at the Obama-Manmohan Singh dinner (Photo courtesy AP & thenextweb.com)

As I sit here cramming to get what feels like a million papers finished (which, in actuality, is only three), I realize that the small space between my ears that isn’t taken up by bone and skin has been crammed full of information that I had no idea existed. Stuffed into the cavity behind my eyes and rubbing shoulders with my medulla oblongata are names like Julius Wellehausen, Claus Westermann, Walter Bruggemann, Michael Coogan, Shlomith Rimmon-Kenan, among others. Although not necessarily in conversation with the aforementioned persons, at least, I am able to say ‘hello’ or perhaps nod my head in greeting as I pass by on my way to terms like Documentary Hypothesis, redactionary criticism, Tanakh, Hyksos, and Enuma Elish. All this seems to pool and dribble around in the shallows of my mind. Who the heck is this von Rad character I keep bumping into? My alphabet is all skewed because the letters J,E,D, and P are jacking around in my head and their buddies are laying in the weeds, waiting for their chance to chime in. Batman, Spiderman, and Wolverine are getting their butts kicked by a bunch of squinty eyed, bespectacled and dusty scholars from Germany and points east of the U.S (except for Brueggemann). Time to end this rambling post, my boy needs to get to bed and I’m wondering how to explain that the story of the three little pigs is really an amalgamation of several different tribal myths or folk tales (probably just an etymology for building with brick) and the big bad wolf may only be an archetype of a bad experience and not really a wolf at all but should be referred to in a gender neutral fashion nonetheless.

As I post this, I am in a race with the clock. You see, it is almost 10:30 PM as I type this on November 30, 2009, and I have not made a single post to Streeter Scene this month. For the first time since its inception, a month may go by without an update. Part of the blame rests on the simple fact that I have been in world very little. Unfortunately, I have been working more this fall, which has not left me an abundance of time to hop on the grid. Also, due to my absence, I have fallen out of touch with people, so even when I’m online, I find it hard to connect with my friends.

I’ve told myself for months that I’ll find the motivation again, and I’ve posted as much here. I have to continue Kyūketsuki, at the very least. It has become my one creative outlet over the past year or so.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving, for those of you who celebrate it. Hopefully, I’ll be posting again prior to the late night hours of December 31

Sex hours.

You know that thing that some people can do? With their spit? Where it’s like a sprinkler? Water! Water water.

I’m feeling it; I always feel it this time of year no matter the conditions my mind or heart’s in, I always feel like I’m burrowing. In a good way. In the good sense of the word. I’m not hiding. I’m accepting because I want to accept. I’m settling into the promise of the gifts I’ve been given, therefore no one can argue that it’s less than I deserve. Always changing, but this time of year when Nature freezes into itself, who am I to fight the inevitable?

Although,

My heart’s as warm as “saxophones and honey in the sun for You.”

.why did i insist on growing up so fast
.my chest pains left but now i can’t breathe
.i’d like to overdose on coffee
.stop talking to me!
.no i do not want to go on a date
.i can’t be your everything anymore
.im exhausted
.i bought a day planner yet have no time to write in it
.i want to delete you
.i miss you
.i hate you, because i miss you
.summertime has been here for too long, i need clouds
.red velvet cake & medication
.popping pills, popping pills, sedation
.everything reminds me of you
.you’re pathetic
.i crave the moon, i crave the moon, i crave the moon
.its hard to believe in anyone anymore
.fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou
.i feel numb, it feels weird to feel numb, it feels weird
.maybe i will go on that date with you
.i want to lock the world away and read poetry all day all day all night all day
.love, i am in love with you
.i am with you, love
.i have a sweet tooth
.tbc

Only two more weeks of the Fall Semester left! This the third and final part of Group Presentations for my French Class. The first project was to present a Film ( Hors de Prix ) second was a Song (J’traîne des pieds) and now, a Fable ( Le Corbeau et Le Renard).

Unrelated note, as always.

New Earrings remind me of Sailor Mars. Haaaaaaa~

Recap of this weekend is that I might have perfected the art of multi-tasking.  I was able to finish my lab notebook, all I have to do is print out the papers.  I studied some, all while being able to maintain an online presence and communicate with the outside world.  The outside world is what was the most bothersome.  I decided to finally buy some pizza and the guy at the party store was talking on his iPhone while trying to wrap my pizza up.  Last time I go to that store cause he was taking his slow ass time.  Then I stopped by a friends apartment, she  sent me a text wanting me to check downstairs to see if the washing machine was done.

I didn’t get the message until I walked all the way freaking upstairs.  Then she said, “well could you go down and check it?”.  I washed my clothes there plenty of times before and I know for a fact that it only runs for 45min.  So I said, “It runs like every 45mins!”.  Then she said, “I know, its been running for like 30 mins but it could be done early this time”.  I’m looking perplexed like, can’t you wait.  I kept thinking she wanted me to go down there for her pure enjoyment.  I go downstairs then go back to the apartment and say, “yeah, like I said, it runs every 45mins!!”.  She says, “So it’s not done?”.  I’m like, “NOOOOOO, no it’s not done!  Like I said, it runs every 45mins”.  Then she yells at me like, “I KNOW BUT SOMETIMES IT DOESN’T!”.  Gawd, if I could smash heads into the wall she would have been my first victim.  I just rolled my eyes and started doing something else.  But I was thinking, when in the hell does a machine just decide when it’s going to run every 45 mins versus some other time.  Seriously, this shit is the main reason I have extremely few friends that are girls.

Also over the break, people kept calling me early in the freakin’ morning.  Why is this?  I don’t deserve this type of treatment and why am I popular enough all of the sudden to be called so early in the morning by various friends and family.  I know I have an issue with people but seriously, it must stop, there’s a reason I’m not a people person.

Seeing as how it’s only Monday I really don’t have much to chit-chat or complain about.  I did change my avatar.  I’ve gotten a few “ooo like your new avatar” type comments.  I like the black and white me better then the color me.  I don’t know why.  Anyways, have a nice week bye!

Bukod dito at sa Maguindanao massacre (mga bagay na msisiraan ka ng ulo pag masyado mo inisip), mas nakakairita ang larawan sa taas.

Oo, ako yung kaisa-isang DROP yung grade. Antanga ko naman. Take 2 ko na yan ha. Tine-take 3 ko this sem. Gusto ko nang ayusin ang acads ko. Pero bakit kung kaylan gusto mo magseryoso sa acads, saka bigla maraming umeepal na mejo mahalaga rin naman kahit papano? Mahalaga naman talaga ang paglilinis ng bahay, org, friends, gimik, at marami pa, di ba?

Kaasar din yung buhok ko! Kamukha ko na si Dora the Explorer. Gusto ko lang talaga magpatrim e. Putakte. Trim ba yung 4 inches? Nagpathread din ako sa salon naman na lagi ko pinapagthread-an. Eto, nagchichicken skin yung kilay ko. Shet. Nasan na ba yung girl na unang nagthread sakin dati pa? Napabili tuloy ako ng cap. Magcacap na lang ako hanggang sa humaba ulit yung buhok ko.

At bakit ako ang gumagawa ng tarp design ngayong madaling araw kahit ako na yung gumagawa ng teaser at sa ibang committee naman yung sa tarp? Hindi ako makaget over sa thought na habang gumagawa ako ng taeng tarp design nila e mahimbing na silang natutulog.

I can’t stand it any more. Yesterday some tosh in the Guardian about whether Christmas lights are green enough. Today some silly post on Treehugger about a huge tower in which a few trees will be planted, as though this will make it ‘green’.

It’s the ‘every little helps’ school of environmentalism, or Tesco environmentalism as I call. The thing to remember about Tesco’s slogan ‘ever little helps’ is that while Tesco gives you a few special offers, they are still screwing you over. And so it is with Tesco environmentalism. It doesn’t matter how many light bulbs you change or how many extra trees you plant in cities. Our vehicles still run on oil, and most of what we buy is still shipped across the world, and we still waste a vast percentage of energy we produce because no one cares enough to force real energy efficiency on industry or construction companies.

Tesco environmentalists argue that these small changes to our consumption patterns help raise awareness of environmental issues, but that’s because they hang around with other ‘green’ people and feel smug about how many people agree with them. If they talked to people outside their little circles they’d realise that these silly ideas make environmentalism a laughing stock. How can people take you seriously if you’re obsessing about whether or not to have Christmas lights while outside your house plumes of carbon dioxide rise up from the road?

I once went on a short training course where a true die-hard collected all the 20 or so teabags we used in a little box so she could take them home and put them on her compost. I’m afraid I didn’t admire her for it. I just thought ‘What a waste of your energy’.

No one has infinite energy, and that includes eco-warriors, so what they choose to do with that energy matters. Worrying about Christmas lights is just not worth it. Not while the whole city you live in is lit up, night after night, by streetlights and adverts and empty offices. Compared to the real environmental issues around how we live, Christmas lights just don’t matter. Worrying about them only makes you look like some kind of self-denying monk who can’t see that no-one cares about his self-denial. It puts people off environmentalism and I can’t say I blame people for being put off.

Added to that of course is the little problem that if most people want to buy eco-friendly Christmas lights, they’ll probably get in the car, drive to Tesco (have you noticed how many supermarkets leave their lights on all night?) and buy some LED lights that were shipped from China, where they were made in a factory fueled by China’s coal, probably in some highly polluting process that no one is allowed to talk about. Another reason to call it Tesco environmentalism.

‘Every little helps,’ I hear someone say. Well, it’s sort of true and sort of not. Tesco still shafts you, and the global environment is still being fucked. Every little helps, but not so as you’d notice, and not so as the climate will notice.

The one good thing about the slightly mad teabag lady was that I knew she was living a genuinely green lifestyle and didn’t shop at Tesco. Her obsession was at least consistent. Most Tesco environmentalists can’t even achieve that, and people know this. They look at such people and see people worrying about raindrops overfilling a bucket – while the bucket sits under a running tap. What a bunch of idiots, they think.

And they are right.