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Chuck Norris

Jaridian — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:51:12 +0000

Habe schon in den ersten 10 Sekunden gelacht. Das muss ich euch einfach weitergeben

Howard Stern Discusses His Unit With His Mother - Late 1980's

alwayslie — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:08:19 +0000

Join Sirius Satellite because your truly missing out on Greatness. In this clip Howard Stern discusses the size of his unit. He speaks with his mother on the air about it. Hilarious and how I got hooked as a Stern fan. His late 1980’s broadcasts when he went over to K-Rock were my heroin and crack. I was hooked.

Part One

Part Two

you cant stop chuck norris

bluecreature — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:01:29 +0000

hello, this is blue creature here with a bunch of chuck norris FACTS! and the first one is some thing we just learned in class, but it was a bit different

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more powerful than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

ill add more later, after my internet starts working faster. i have 10 favorites to put on here

Did Michael Jackson have a Manly Voice?

alwayslie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:29:19 +0000

What if Michael Jackson talked like a manly man? Howard & Artie ponder this while Robin talks about the rise of STDs. On the Howard Stern Show November 16, 2009

RISD EXPOSE

19something — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:52:35 +0000

We are proud to announce that our “Providence, Rhode Island” inspired T-shirt will be available for purchase at the RISD Exposé which will be having their grand opening tomorrow, 11/20 at 7:00 PM. The Exposé features the works of RISD students such as Kyle Norris among others’ which will be available for sale to the general public. Our design is available in 2 colors, red or blue for $16 each (sizes S-XL).

The RISD Exposé is located on Westminster St. in downtown Providence, next to Symposium Books. Hope to see you there.

44-D's True Crime: Discovery Channel's Jack the Ripper in America

audiegrl — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:15:04 +0000

Reviewed by Audiegrl

The greatest serial killer in history has never been named. But what if we are looking in the wrong place?

In 1888, a deranged killer stalked his prey on the streets of east London at night. After 121 years since the murder and mutilation of at least five prostitutes, the case remains unsolved and the true identity of Jack the Ripper has never been known. The world’s greatest criminal investigators have focused on searching for answers in London. However, in the 1890s a series of horrific murders took place across the United States in New York, San Francisco, Galveston and Atlanta, that mirrored the attacks in attacks in the UK. In this one hour special, Discovery Channel’s viewers will witness the new evidence, science and analytical techniques being used to reveal the true identity of Jack the Ripper.

NYPD Cold Case Detective Ed Norris

The Discovery Channel’s documentary, Jack the Ripper in America focuses on Detective Ed Norris, former head of the NYPD Cold Case Unit, who investigates and uncovers new evidence not seen since the time of the murders. In trying to solve the 118 year old murder of New York prostitute Carrie Brown, he begins to note the similarities between her murder and the famous Whitechapel murders in London. Brown’s murderer had a three-stage MO (strangled, penetrating wound, pulled apart) Because of the unusual and gruesome nature of the crime, the press of the day, immediately began asking the question, “Is Jack the Ripper in New York“. Norris sees the same unusual ‘signature‘ in both the London and New York killers. They both kill prostitutes by strangling, cutting the throat, and eviscerating the body. For Norris this indicates that he might be looking at the same killer.

Carrie Brown aka Old Shakespeare

The key in all cold cases is finding the clues missed by the original investigators. Although, Brown was murdered on April 23, 1891, Norris decides to let a new set of eyes look at the evidence. Enter Dr. Jonathan Hayes, the Manhattan Senior Medical Examiner. Dr. Hayes combs through the autopsy report of Carry Brown. He reaches some interesting conclusions, including a special marking on the body, which I won’t reveal here, you’ll have to watch the show. On August 7th, 1891, another unidentified prostitute is murdered with the same MO as Brown, and pulled from the East river. Visiting the New York Municipal Archives, Norris finds that the old newspapers of that time, reveal another shocking detail. The killer actually wrote to the NYPD, before the murder of Carry Brown. His letter is recreated below:

Capt. Ryan,

You think that “Jack the Ripper” is in England, but he is not, I am right here and I expect to kill somebody by Thursday next, and so get ready for me with your pistols, but I have a knife that has done more than your pistols. Next thing you will hear of some woman dead.

Yours truly,

Jack the Ripper

Richard Jones

Detective Norris wants to get into Jack’s head, and walk in his foot steps. He feels that he was an organized killer that took advantage of the conditions of the time: no ambient street lighting, a black curtain of smoke over the city caused by burning low quality coal, and counting on his victims to naturally take him to the dark, secluded places used in the prostitution trade. Norris takes viewers through a summary of the Ripper murders by using re-enactments and walking through the crime scenes. Next, Norris consults London historian Richard Jones, owner of Ripper Walking Tours and author of Uncovering Jack the Ripper’s London. Jones has spent more than two decades investigating the Whitechapel murders. He asks Jones if any of the serious Ripper suspects had ever traveled to the United States after the death of Mary Kelly. Jones provided him with three names: Severin Klosowski, Francis Tumblety, and James Kelly.

Known as the From Hell or Lusk Letter

Norris then consults with Sheila Kurtz, a Forensic Hand Writing Analyst, Master Graphologist and President of Graphology Consulting Group. Kurtz had successfully worked on the Son of Sam case among many others. After reviewing samples of the Ripper’s hand writing, Kurtz identified the writer as a very disturbed individual, who she said, “I wouldn’t want to be in his company“. For additional details on her analysis please visit her blog. The graphic to the left shows the letter was purportedly written in 1888 by Jack the Ripper.

Dr. Thomas Bond

Norris then paid a visit to Britain’s National Archives. The archives hold thousands of original documents in the Ripper case. There, Norris discovers a document not previously used in the investigation. A profile of the killer. Sir Robert Anderson, the head of the police Criminal Investigation Departments, asked Dr Thomas Bond, Britain’s top police surgeon in 1888 to examine material connected with the Whitechapel murder investigation. Bond wrote a 19th-century version of a modern day unsub profile, based on personally examining the body of Mary Kelly and reading the autopsy reports on the first four victims. In the report, he describes in detail the type of person they should be investigating. Dr. Bond was sure that all five women had been killed by the same hand, because the throats of all victims had been cut in a similar way and the victims were presumably lying down when murdered. (for additional details on Dr. Bond’s profile, click here to read the report) Norris ultimately uses this 121 year old profile to narrow the three suspects down to one name. James Kelly. In the world of police parlance, Norris says that “Kelly looks good“.

Jack the Ripper victims: Polly Nichols, Annie Chapman, Elizabeth Stride, Catharine Eddowes, Mary Kelly

In 1883, James Kelly only one month married, argues with his wife and accuses her of being unfaithful. In a psychotic rage, he uses the methods of strangulation and throat slashing to kill her. Kelly is caught, convicted and sentenced to die by hanging. Then his employer comes forward and explains that he believes Kelly is mentally disturbed. Kelly was then examined by a alienist and committed to the Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum. Kelly’s psychiatric report has been sealed for over 125 years, until Norris examines it.

Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum

In 1863, Broadmoor was the first custom-built asylum to house criminal lunatics. In Broadmoor, Kelly is a outwardly a model prisoner, but at the same time he is secretly planning his escape. Working in the asylum’s carpentry shop, he cunningly uses a piece of medal he carved into a key to aid his escape. In January of 1888, Kelly escaped and just disappeared. At that time a series of stabbings and slashing attacks of women start in London. Three victims: Annie Millwood, (February 25, 1888, stabbed repeatedly, but survived), Ada Wilson, (March 28, 1888, slashed in the throat, but survived), and Martha Tabram, (August 7, 1888, stabbed 23 times, did not survive). Norris feels these are the early attempts of Jack the Ripper, who like many serial killers, escalates and only gets more brutal over time. After these three attacks, the first London Ripper murder occurs. Surprisingly, Kelly was once considered a suspect by London police, but after only minimal checking at his old residence, they simply gave up, and were never able to find him. With the huge amount of pressure they were under, the case against Kelly went cold…

Astonishingly, in 1927…forty years later, a much older Kelly voluntarily returns to the insane asylum and began to chronicle his travels. A typed copy of Kelly’s confession letter survives in the National Archives, and Norris is the first detective to read it. In the letter, Kelly describes having “problems dealing with society“, and being “overtaken with feelings of envy, jealousy, and malice“. Kelly states, “the thing has been hard because of all kinds of ’skank’” (a term he uses to refers to women of low moral character) and “I’ve been on the warpath since I left Broadmoor Asylum.” Also in his letter, he admits to traveling to London after his escape, and more interestingly he tells of traveling to the United States and arriving in New York conveniently before the Carrie Brown murder. He was by profession, a trained upholsterer, and would have known quiet a bit about knives and how to use them effectively for the purpose of murder. Kelly also mentioned traveling to many cities in the US before returning to England and admitted that he came to the US many times over a period of 40 years.

USS Zaandam

First Norris wanted to check to make sure that Kelly’s confession matched up with actual travel records of the day. In Britain’s National Maritime Museum, they kept track of every ship that came to the United States. Kelly said he traveled to America aboard an Anglo-German steamer named the Zaandam that sailed from Rotterdam to New York. At the museum, Norris not only confirmed the ship existed, but that it sailed from Rotterdam to New York on October 7, 1890—two years after the last Ripper murder in London (11/88) and months before the April 23, 1891 murder of Carrie Brown in New York. You might be thinking, “How does a ‘wanted man’ get into the United States without detection?” Professor Dan Citrum is an expert in 19th-century immigration and explains how easily it could have been done. Remember this was before Ellis Island was established, so getting in and out of the country was very easy. No drivers licenses, no passports, and no photo id whatsoever. Many people back then, came to this country to start over, and remake themselves and get lost in the huge crowds of New York city. In his confession, Kelly admits to changing his name once his ship arrives to ‘John Miller‘, one of the most common names both then and now. Kelly used his new name like a disguise to blend in and escape police scrutiny.

Knowing from experience that many serial killers travel extensively, to avoid detection, Detective Norris plots the cities Kelly claims to have visited against the murders written about in the newspapers. He begins to see similarities in Ripper-like murders committed in other cities: New York NY, Trenton, NJ, Galveston, TX, New Orleans, LA, Philadelphia, PA, Baltimore, MD, Jackson, CA, San Francisco, CA, Denver, CO. Each of these murders occurred during the time that Kelly, thorough his confession letter, said he was in that city. Even the city newspapers asked the same question “Is this the work of Jack the Ripper” and “Is this the fiend of Whitechapel?” and “Has Jack the Ripper Invaded Texas at Last“. Detective Norris identified twelve murders across five states in just four years…and remember, Kelly was gone for forty years…you can do the math. To read an amazing collection of news reports, please visit Casebook: Jack the Ripper.

Using a asylum photo of Kelly provided by the National Archives, he was able to see what Kelly looked like at age 67. Norris then contacted Steve Mancusi, a NYPD senior forensic artist who has helped solve the most difficult cases for the last 30 years. He wanted Mancusi to use forensic imaging technology normally used for age-progression in missing child cases, but with this case, he wanted him to reverse the effects of aging, to show what Kelly would have looked like in his 30’s. The striking illustration below on the right is based on their findings.

Both illustrations of Jack the Ripper

The left composite, was drawn based on 118 year old eye-witness accounts of Jack the Ripper in London. They examined different witness statements and used modern day forensics to come up with a portrait of the killer, even indicating what type of hat he wore.

The drawing on the right, is the result of Mancusi shaving 40 years off of James Kelly’s photo at age 67. As you can see, once they added the type of hat mentioned by eye witnesses, the drawings are a very close match.

In the end, there is no doubt in Norris’ mind that he has found Jack the Ripper. We may never know. John Kelly died of natural causes in 1929 inside Broadmoor Asylum and took his secrets to his grave. In my opinion, Jack the Ripper in America was very well done and is a must-see for all forensic buffs and amateur Ripperologists. I’m interested in seeing further research, analysis and discussion of Norris’ theory. Regarding any factual errors in this post, I apologize in advance, and encourage everyone to let me know what needs to be corrected.

Time After Time

On a lighter note, anybody remember the movie “Time After Time” starring Malcolm McDowell, John Warner and Mary Steenburgen? McDowell played H.G. Wells, who uses his time machine to chase his friend, Warner (aka Jack the Ripper) through the streets of modern day (1979) San Francisco. After watching Norris’ documentary, maybe Hollywood’s silly (but entertaining) version of the Ripper story had a sliver of truth to it after all.

The Secret of Prisoner 1167: Was This Man Jack the Ripper? by James Tully

Hat tip and special thanks to Roy Corduroy for his suggestion to add this book to this post. Casebook: Jack the Ripper gives this book a three-starred review:

A triumphant achievement on the part of Jim Tully, well-researched and written. James Kelly is his suspect, a lunatic upholsterer and wife-murderer who is actually in the Guinness book of world records for his escape from Broadmoor asylum. Tully weaves a fascinating story, regardless of your feelings on Kelly as a suspect. Recommended.”

Is Obama Poised To Cede U.S. Sovereignty?

Joel Taylor — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 18:31:13 +0000

On October 14, Lord Christopher Monckton gave a presentation in St. Paul, MN on the subject of globa

Quando una stella cadente vede Chuck Norris, esprime un desiderio. Di non morire.

Vì — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 10:17:46 +0000

Scrivete sulla pagina iniziale di Google “where is chuck norris? ” e cliccate su “

The Ultimate Chuck Norris Fact Collection

vladerag — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:04:09 +0000

Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks. (New!)
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11…. a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren’t the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Faster than a speeding bullet … more powerful than a locomotive … able to leap tall buildings in a single bound… yes, these are some of Chuck Norris’s warm-up exercises.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China’s over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don’t really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris’ autobiography.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
The movie “Delta Force” was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
Movie trivia: The movie “Invasion U.S.A.” is, in fact, a documentary.
Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
It’s widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris’ stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris’ skin.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is “his” way.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: “Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris”
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
‘Icy-Hot’ is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn’t suck his mother’s breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds”, He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your ass.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’ age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Most boots are made for walkin’. Chuck Norris’ boots ain’t that merciful.
The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
The Bible was originally titled “Chuck Norris and Friends”
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.
When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn’t have nearly enough balls.
Q: How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris just says “no” to drugs. If he said “yes”, it would collapse Colombia’s infrastructure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Crime does not pay – unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking… because the Rock is Chuck Norris’ personal chef.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris’ fists is inside his own body.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, “You want fries with that” because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn’t ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

· Chuck Norris’s version of a “chocolate milkshake” is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
· If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris’ misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
· In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
· Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
· Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
· Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
· The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
· Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
· Chuck Norris once shat blood – the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
· Maslow’s theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
· The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
· For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
· Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
· Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a “hole.” Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
· Coroners refer to dead people as “ABC’s”. Already Been Chucked.
· Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways before he crosses the street… he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
· Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
· How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
· The phrase ‘break a leg’ was originally coined by Chuck Norris’s co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
· When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
· If you rearrange the letters in “Chuck Norris”, they also spell “Crush Rock In”. The words “with his fists” are understood.
· Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.
· Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
· Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
· The original title for Star Wars was “Skywalker: Texas Ranger”. Starring Chuck Norris.
· Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.
· The phrase ‘balls to the wall’ was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
· Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
· Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
· He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
· The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
· The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
· Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis’ Career.
· Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
· Chuck Norris can taste lies.
· Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
· One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
· Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
· In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization “Kick Drugs Out of America”. If the organization’s name were “Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America”, there wouldn’t be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
· Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
· They had to edit the first ending of ‘Lone Wolf McQuade’ after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine’s ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.
· Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
· Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
· 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
· Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.
· The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they’ll be the same thing.
· Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
· With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
· The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
· chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.
· To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
· There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
· If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
· 70% of a human’s weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.
· Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris’ ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
· The pie scene in “American Pie” is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris’ case, the “pie” was the molten crater of an active volcano.
· Chuck Norris uses 8′x10′ sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up– Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer’s arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris’ eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody’s future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know – Except for the definition of mercy.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with “obstruction of justice.” This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they’re always slick with blood.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question… just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
If you’re driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn’t the other way around.
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as “Chuck Norris Disease”
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris”. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Chuck Norris always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
As an infant, Chuck Norris’ parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising Rookie”.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris’ initials. This is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris’ credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
Chuck Norris doesn’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a “Chuck Norris”. It is also known as a “Bloody Mary”, if your name happens to be Mary.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris…. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot — and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Video: Chuck Norris - Copenhagen Talks To Forge "One World Order"

sakerfa — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:00:13 +0000

(SteveWatson) – TV star and political commentator Chuck Norris has voiced concerns that the up

Chuck Norris

madebyfailure — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:08:51 +0000

Hello and welcome, you may be coming here after seeing one of our chuck norris posters, or for some other unrelated reason. Anyway, the Chuck Norris facts we placed were well received, except for a biology teacher we will not name. (You know who you are) So, what should failure do next?

Thank you, and once again

Madebyfailure, 9th November 2009

Update: The majority of the posters were taken down today, including one saying ‘GENTELMEN’ and including a picture of the spy.

We plan on replying with some posters on why we have the right to do this.

Chuk Norris juego

buffete — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 18:03:25 +0000

Despues de tanta cosa que se habla de este personaje de los Estados Unidos, ahora se anunciara por parte de gameloft un video juego para celulares, a lo mejor para ser mas especificos, para el iPod/iPhone, en el teaser no se menciona mucho sobre de que tratara este juego, pero con todos los hechos que se sabe de este personaje, uno se puede imaginar mas o menos de que podria tratar, pero habra que esperar a ver que show.
Aqui pondremos los hechos mas conocidos de este personaje:

1. Si tu tienes cinco dólares y Chuck Norris tiene cinco dólares, entonces Chuck Norris tiene más dinero que tu.

2. No hay botón “ctrl” en el ordenador de Chuck Norris, porque Chuck Norris siempre tiene el control.

3. Apple le paga 99 centavos a Chuck Norris cada vez que escucha una canción.

4. Chuck Norris puede bostezar con los ojos abiertos.

5. Chuck Norris puede comer tan solo una papa Lay’s.

6. Chuck Norris está demandando al sitio MySpace por lo que tomar el nombre de lo que él llama “todo lo que se encuentra a su alrededor”.

7. Chuck Norris destruyó la tabla periódica, porque el único elemento que él reconoce es el elemento sorpresa.

8. Chuck Norris puede matar dos tiros de un pájaro.

[Teaser (trailer)]

A Fan No More

informationsponge — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:02:00 +0000

2009 was supposed to be the year every Bears fan was waiting for – the year they would win the Superbowl.

For the first time in 24 years, the Bears would be lead by a Pro Bowl quarterback; Jay Cutler. Cutler was brought in to bring the Lombardi Trophy (that has eluded the Windy City for 23 years) back to Chicago, but it seems as if those dreams will only remains dreams.

Year after year, I ranted and raved and watched helplessly as the Chicago Bears organization failed to achieve success. I watched, with a heavy heart, as attainable division titles, playoff spots and title runs slipped away because the organization was either too cheap or too stupid to bring in the right personnel to not only create a winning franchise, but maintain that personnel to establish a dynasty.

Even now… when it seemed as if all the right moves had been made and all the pieces were in the right place, the Chicago Bears are still nothing more than just a mediocre team. For example… they got humiliated by the Cincinnati Bengals today 45-10. The Bengals? Really?

After 25 years, no longer will I commit myself as a fan of the Chicago Bears. Yes… they have a great history, but it is still history and I’m tired of living in the past.

Bancul zilei !

mvandrei007 — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:38:31 +0000

Oamenii faceau rotile patrate, pana a aparut Chuck Norris cu masina decapotabila !

Real Men Need Manly Hair

Anthony — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:40:42 +0000

Don’t you hate it when you get your hair cut and you look like a pussy? Me too.. Well at least I imagine I would but I’ve never experienced weakness so I’m not really sure if I can or not. Regardless, you, my manly friends/readers, should gather in joy because the amazing factual load that I’m about to blow into your mind will free you from the grip of fear the next time you visit that dumb bitch of a hair stylist (not you, Bobbi, but everyone else). Actually, it should eliminate the need altogether unless you aren’t self-sufficient but that would make you either a)weak or b) a woman.

First, we will start with the basics. I call these first couple the basics because not only can you do them yourself but if you don’t know what they are then you are stupid. However, that can’t be because you’re reading my blog and that in itself is a monumental accomplishment of manly knowledge.

1. The Mohawk.

Now, there are right ways and wrong ways to do this. There is a short Chuck Liddell Mohawk, which says, “Don’t look at me or I will pummel your stupid face into a pulp-like substance”. The ever so popular “edgy” black guy Mohawk popularized by Kanye West falls under this category also. The other “proper” method of hawking is like a real Native American. You let that shit get retarded long and put feathers in it but you wear it naturally. Now, at first, women might be intimidated my this awesome show of testicular fortitude but that is just because they are stupid morons. All you have to do is scalp someone to prove that you’re all business and that they have nothing to worry about. This style definitely says, “I’m a man and I will kill you with a hatchet I made from a rock.” That is nothing to scoff at, people.

As for the wrong way, I’m sure you all already know that it is straightening your hawk out and dying it some unnatural color only to then fill it full of volumizing hair spray, much like a woman. As any self aware man knows, dying your hair is gay and hair spray only makes dyed hair gayer than it normally is.

2. Shaved.

Much like a UFC fighter or any other testosterone laden muscle head who just doesn’t have time for fucking around with a comb in front of a mirror. Now, this style can be saying two different things. Either, “Hey, fuck you.” or “Man, I hope these drunk chicks like my cool new tapout shirt.” The first is what you’re going for and the second is nothing but the though of a soul lost to the capitalist dogma that is “pop culture”, aka a poser fag.

3. The Superman.

Named after none other than the most awesome of all alien men’s hairstyles. You already know what it looks like but what it says is, “I know I’m sexy and to prove it, I’m going to seduce your girlfriend in front of your whole family at your own wedding.” This is my current style but you have to be pretty daring to pull it off. It really just comes down to whether or not you actually have sex with someone’s fiance at their wedding. It is also the only style where hair gel is allowed. But I don’t use that shit.

4. Natty Lite.

This one is cleverly named after the beer, Natural Light and the lightness that occurs with natural hair. You see, it’s a double-entendre. How clever, right? Exactly. It’s so clever because guys that rock it a) don’t do shit to their hair, ever and b) get tons of hot strange* for it. It can be worn long or short, it doesn’t matter as long as it is completely natural and you don’t look like a girl**. It says, “I don’t really care about you but if you want to have sexual intercourse then I know 23 different positions that will make you squirt like a super soaker on a hot summer day.”

5. The Clint Eastwood.

If you can’t figure this one out then you’re retarded. It is by far the manliest of any hair style ever conceived by a man, which are the only ones that count anyway. It can be short or medium length as long as you just brush it back and don’t give a shit about it after that. Sideburns are a good option with this style. It suggests that, “I love women and I will shoot anyone who opposes me directly in the face, including bears.”*** This one is typically for older gentlemen who just don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks.

That pretty much does it for manly hair styles. I know some of you might be thinking, “But what about Chuck Norris?!”. To those of you thinking that, just know that if Chuck Norris ever catches you biting his style, it’s going to be a swift uppercut to the dick meat, and a swift uppercut from Chuck Norris typically means death or worse.

*Strange simply means, "Unfamiliar vaginal intercourse"
** Unless you're in a rock band or you're Johnny Depp.
*** I'm not sure if Clint Eastwood ever shot a bear in the face but I know
he would, given the chance.

Chuck Norris Facts V

vladerag — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:39:34 +0000

Chuck Norris’s version of a “chocolate milkshake” is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris’ misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn’t hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Chuck Norris once shat blood – the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.

Maslow’s theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a “hole.” Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Coroners refer to dead people as “ABC’s”. Already Been Chucked.

Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways before he crosses the street… he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

The phrase ‘break a leg’ was originally coined by Chuck Norris’s co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

If you rearrange the letters in “Chuck Norris”, they also spell “Crush Rock In”. The words “with his fists” are understood.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

The original title for Star Wars was “Skywalker: Texas Ranger”. Starring Chuck Norris.

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for “Chuck Norris’ basement”.

The phrase ‘balls to the wall’ was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Chuck Norris’ Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis’ Career.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization “Kick Drugs Out of America”. If the organization’s name were “Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America”, there wouldn’t be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

They had to edit the first ending of ‘Lone Wolf McQuade’ after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine’s ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they’ll be the same thing.

Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

chuck Norris’ testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

There are two types of people in the world… people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

70% of a human’s weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris’ ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

The pie scene in “American Pie” is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris’ case, the “pie” was the molten crater of an active volcano.

Chuck Norris uses 8′x10′ sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Chuck Norris Facts IV

vladerag — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:53:01 +0000

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he’d kick your ass.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don’t get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris’ age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.
Most boots are made for walkin’. Chuck Norris’ boots ain’t that merciful.
The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.
Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
The Bible was originally titled “Chuck Norris and Friends”
Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn’t like Fudge Ripple.
When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin’ about.
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.
Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn’t have nearly enough balls.
Q: How many Chuck Norris’ does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
As President Roosevelt said: “We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris.”
Chuck Norris just says “no” to drugs. If he said “yes”, it would collapse Colombia’s infrastructure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Crime does not pay – unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking… because the Rock is Chuck Norris’ personal chef.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
“Brokeback Mountain” is not just a movie. It’s also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris’ fists is inside his own body.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, “You want fries with that” because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn’t ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

check out the previous page of Chuck:

http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/chuck-norris-facts-iii/

Chuck Norris Oyunları

oyunlar44 — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 10:31:06 +0000

Chuck Norris Oyunları Oyna

Chuck Norris Facts III

vladerag — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 20:36:33 +0000

Chuck Norris is responsible for China’s over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.
A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.
Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.
Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don’t really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris’ autobiography.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the “Circle of Life.”
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
The crossing lights in Chuck Norris’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren’t before his first space expedition.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
The movie “Delta Force” was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.
Movie trivia: The movie “Invasion U.S.A.” is, in fact, a documentary.
Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
It’s widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris’ stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris’ skin.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is “his” way.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: “Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris”
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
‘Icy-Hot’ is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn’t suck his mother’s breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds”, He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

check out the first and second sets of these posts!

http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/chuck-norris-facts/

http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/chuck-norris-jokes-2/

Chuck Norris Facts II

vladerag — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 02:35:03 +0000

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It’s called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write “Chuck Norris” for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you’re Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one who has encountered Chuck Norris”
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther’s womb.
Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

check out the first and third of these facts:

http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/15/chuck-norris-facts/

http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/chuck-norris-facts-iii/

Parents slam decision as travesty as Cancer doctor blamed for Lisa Norris radiation bungle allowed to keep working

shaunmilne — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:17:49 +0000

Ken and Liz Norris leaving the hearing

By Cara Sulieman

THE parents of a tragic teenage cancer sufferer who was blasted with 19 massive overdoses of radiation while being treated for a brain tumour has described a decision to allow the doctor responsible to keep working as a “travesty” and vowed to sue health chiefs.

Dr Stuart McNee bungled treatment plans which saw tragic Lisa Norris, 16, from Girvan, Ayrshire, receive 58 per cent more radiation than she should have, leaving her with burns to her neck, head and unable to continue the life-saving course.

But despite all misconduct charges being proven against him, the Health Professions Council ruled he could continue working.

Her parents described it as a “travesty” and attacked his decision to stay away from the hearing rather than face them.

Delivering their controversial decision, the panel’s chairman Colin Allies said that while all allegations of a lack of competence had been proven, it was their opinion that Dr McNee was still fit to practice.

He said: “We are confident the Registrant has learned from his mistakes and would act differently in similar circumstances today.

“We took into consideration the lack of staff and a lack of support from senior management.

“The Registrant’s fitness to practice is no impaired therefore the allegation is not well founded.”

But Lisa’s anguished parents Ken, 53, and Liz, 52, who attended today’s (fri) Conduct and Competence hearing, slammed the decision.

And they vowed to sue the health board responsible branding the decision a “whitewash”.

Dad Ken said: “I’m very disappointed that a man can do what he did and walk away from it.

“I was expecting him to at least get reprimanded for it.

“I expected him to be here so we could come face to face with him.

“No-one has taken responsibility for overdosing Lisa and as far as I’m concerned they have just white-washed it.

“It doesn’t matter that he had a good, impeccable record. What he did he shouldn’t have done.

“It’s a travesty.

“We will still continue our fight against NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde.”

The panel said Dr McNee had been responsible for planning the botched course of radiotherapy, but said his biggest failing had been not speaking out over staffing pressures in his department.

This had led to his failure to ensure that standing operating procedures were up to date or even followed, or to make sure that systems were in place to ensure his trainee practitioners were supported.

The hearing earlier made reference to a report by Dr Arthur Johnston, scientific adviser to the Scottish government’s health department, which said the overdose happened after an under-qualified and under-trained staff member entered a wrong number on a form.

Dr McNee also failed to have his proposed treatment plan verified or independently justified by a competent radiologist or radiographer or other trained staff.

Committed

At the hearing in Edinburgh’s Western General Hospital, Panel chairman Colin Allies said earlier evidence from Dr McNee’s colleagues had seen him described as a “hard working, skilful and committed professional.”

He highlighted evidence given at previous sittings from Professor Alexander Elliot, director of the West of Scotland Health Board.

It was his evidence, they said, that led the panel to find the allegations against Dr McNee proven, in particular to his supervision of the course of treatment for Lisa.

Mr Allies said: “We heard from Professor Elliot that documents and records were not up to date and that Dr McNee had not followed the standard operating procedure.

“We also heard that he could not be both a planner and a checker.”

He added: “We heard of shortages of clinical science staff and that the department was operating under extreme pressure as a result of a lack of experienced staff.

“The Registrant was the only doctor working within treatment planning and was under huge pressure to ensure patients started their treatment on time.”

He said that although Dr McNee’s failing had not been deliberate, they were still satisfied that as a manager he should have acted more “forcefully” to address the problems that had beset his department.

Reckless

Mr Allies continued: “The actions of the Registrant were not deliberate, wilful or reckless and so this does not constitute incompetence.

“But the Registrant should have voiced his concerns more forcefully and it is here we have found the incompetence.”

However HPC lawyer Vicky Lord said it was not acceptable for a manager to allow their department to run “unsafely” and as a result the panel should find Dr McNee’s fitness to practice impaired.

She said: “It’s simply not on to allow a service to continue that’s not running effectively.

“Managers have a duty to speak up and speak out when a service is being run unsafely.”

Speaking on behalf of Dr McNee, lawyer Alistair Forsyth said that the doctor had had a long and distinguished career and that his fitness to practice was not impaired.

He also blamed a new computer system for the mistakes made.

He said: “Dr McNee started work in 1974 and has spent almost all that time at radiotherapy at the Beatson.

“He has an outstanding record and an international reputation in his field.

“He has made mistakes, which he has admitted to.

“But it was firstly – and ultimately – caused by the roll-out of the new computer system.”

He added: “Dr McNee could not cope with the ever-increasing demands on his workload.

“But his current fitness to practice is not impaired.”

Expert

Lisa was first diagnosed with the tumour in October 2005 and had been scheduled for 30 courses of treatment at the Beatson cancer centre in Glasgow which the otherwise healthy girl was expected to make a full recovery from.

Instead they were halted after the 19th when the error was discovered and she finally died from her condition in October 2006.

A report by cancer expert Professor Karol Sikora was commissioned by lawyers acting for the Norris family which concluded that had it not been for the bungled procedures, she would have had a better than average chance of living.

A section headed “Negligence” stated: “The radiotherapy clearly fell below any reasonable standard of care.”

Earlier this year it was revealed the Norris family had been granted legal aid so they could try and sue NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde over their daughter’s death at the Court of Session.

Dr McNee is currently working in a new role at the Western General and Gartnavel hospitals in Glasgow, where he is involved in clinical trials, teaching and research and development.

He did not attend today’s hearing.

See more of our pictures at our Flickr site and videos at our dedicated channel, Deadline TV.

Chuck Norris Facts VI

vladerag — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:54:34 +0000

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up– Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer’s arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris’ eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody’s future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know – Except for the definition of mercy.
Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with “obstruction of justice.” This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they’re always slick with blood.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question… just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.
All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
If you’re driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn’t the other way around.
July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
In the medical community, death is referred to as “Chuck Norris Disease”
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
In the Words of Julius Caesar, “Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris”. Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Every time someone uses the word “intense”, Chuck Norris always replies “you know what else is intense?” followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
As an infant, Chuck Norris’ parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him “a promising Rookie”.
There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris’ initials. This is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris’ credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false – no one could survive it the first time.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
Chuck Norris doesn’t chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
When in a bar, you can order a drink called a “Chuck Norris”. It is also known as a “Bloody Mary”, if your name happens to be Mary.
Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris…. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot — and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Like Chuck Norris jokes?

visit: http://vladerag.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/chuck-norris-facts-v/

by the way, Chuck Norris actually hates these jokes.

Nos vamos pa'l Cervantino!

buffete — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:42:02 +0000

Asi es queridos seguidores, iremos a expander el nombre de buffete hacia “nuevos” horizontes, no crean que este sera un viaje recreativo, mas bien vamos en plan de negocios…
Probablemente se pregunten las siguientes cosas:

- Neta!?
- Con quien van?
- Habra cortesias para Trick or Drink? Por que no?
- Que pasara con la pagina?
- Que es eso de portafolio?
- Que nos traeran de recuerdo?
- Buffete se acabara en el 2012?
- El cuate se convertira en el lider de la gran B?

Y se las responderemos segun lo que sabemos hasta ahorita.

- Si
- Compas
- No, por que no tendremos personal para realizar la dinamica y sin dinamica no seria divertido regalar las cortesias
- La pagina se pondra en una especie de auto-piloto, la cual no dejara de ponerles cosas interesantes (excepto el domingo y lunes)
- Portafolio es una cartera que se utiliza para guardar documentos…. bueno es para que los diseñadores de Buffete, les presenten sus trabajos con la gran B.
- Posiblemente nada
- No! se terminara mucho antes…
- Unos esperan que si, otros que no, todo depende de Chuk Norris… que les parece si se lo dejamos a decision de ustedes? Abrimos una encuesta o alguna especie de votacion?

5 motivos para a lenda do Chuck Norris

warleygp — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:16:55 +0000

Chuck Norris, atualmente desenvolvendo um novo Hadouken, com ajuda de Ken e Ryu

Chuck Norris é uma lenda, especialmente nos últimos anos onde tem sido referencia na categoria deus das artes marciais, tudo bem que essa é uma consideração cômica, especialmente em referência a seus filmes, onde até com urso ele consegue medir forças!

1) Chuck Norris realmente é um verdadeiro lutador exímio em artes marciais, foi policial militar dos Estados Unidos, virou faixa preta em Tangsudo e Tae Kwon Do, também em Karatê Shinto-Ryu além do nosso próximo tópico, sua própria arte marcial.

2) Chun Kuk Do (“Caminho Universal”) Um verdadeiro mestre da luta cria sua própria luta, Chun Kuk Do é a arte marcial desenvolvida por Chuck Norris, a luta tem seu próprio site http://www.chunkukdo.com/ a luta é híbrida de diversos estilos como: Tangsudo, Tae Kwon Do, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, Wrestling, Muay Thai, Shodokan, dentre outras.

3) Chuck Norris + Bruce Lee. Ser um lutador e participar de um filme do Bruce Lee e não levar uma surra mortal é mérito. Chuck alcançou o mérito em 1972 em o Vôo do Dragão (Way of the Dragon). A partir daí ficou famoso por recusar apanhar em filmes.

4) Filmografia. Chuck tem em sua bagagem quase 40 filmes, desde cinema, TV, documentários e desenho animado.

5) Internet. O auge da figura cômica de deus das artes marciais representada por Chuck se mantém na internet graças ao site Chuck Norris Facts, site onde seus grandes feitos cinematográficos, são discutidos, e muitas paródias são criadas através disso.

Sam, Daphne & Noah - A family session

5rings — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 04:00:23 +0000

A few weeks ago I met up with Sam, Daphne and Noah for a late afternoon family session at the Grist Mill near Norris Dam. We had perfect weather and as you can tell from the pictures this is one adorable family. Thank you Sam, Daphne and Noah for spending your Sunday evening with me. I had a great time!

peek a boo!

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