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Real science found to be contaminating microbiome studies

Birmingham, UK.  In a result that has shocked the entire field, researchers led by Dr Callum Porker at the University of Aberdeen have revealed that some microbiome studies are becoming contaminated with real science. 217 more words

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Stupidity found in humans, slows brain activity

NEBRASKA.  For the first time, stupidity has been found in the brains of senior academics, slowing down their brain activity and making them publish absolute bollocks in high-impact journals. 284 more words

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No-one quite sure what the point is anymore, survey finds

London, UK. A recent survey of ten thousand UK scientists carried out by Imperial College Kings of London (ICKL) has found that no-one is quite sure why they bother. 357 more words

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BREAKING: NoSQL just "huge text file and grep", study finds

BREAKING NEWS: a study by the institute for distributed investigation of technologies (IDIOT) has found that all NoSQL technologies are essentially just a massive text file combined with the UNIX tool ‘grep’ 97 more words

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Last Week in Not News

News? Not news? It’s getting pretty hard to tell these days. Here are our top picks from last week’s lot of almost-satirical-but-actually-real news stories.

“A black market has also emerged on Trade Me, with numerous auctions selling two 75ml bottles of the…

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NIH announces all funding decisions to be made by someone who hates you

Bethesda, USA.  In a shock turn of events, the NIH announced today that every single funding decision from this day forwards will be made by a person who hates you. 170 more words

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